good lead ins for essays

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Signal and Lead-in Phrases

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In most citation styles, including APA, MLA, and Chicago style, you can add variety to your research writing by not always using the same sentence structure to introduce quotations, paraphrases, or pieces of information borrowed from different sources. It is relatively simple to use a wide variety of different expressions to introduce both direct and indirect citations. These expressions, which usually occur in the parts of sentences that come just before quotes and paraphrases, are called signal phrases (or, in some cases,  lead-in phrases ). 

Often, signal phrases can be distinguished by the presence of a verb like "indicate" or "argue" that references what the author is doing in the original source. However, a few select signal phrases contain no verbs (e.g., "According to [author],").

In the examples below, the author being cited is Jane Doe. The examples in the first section are adapted to APA, which recommends past-tense verbs  in signal phrases. For MLA (as well as Chicago style), the same verbs can also be used in the present tense instead of the past tense, as the second section below shows. 

Be sure each signal phrase verb matches your intention for the in-text citation. Read the whole sentence after you finish to ensure that the signal phrase grammatically coheres with any content that follows the quote or paraphrase.

Expressing Disagreement with a Signal Phrase

Of course, some quotes and paraphrases express disagreement or negative opinions. In these cases, be sure that any verbs in the signal phrase match the nature of the quote or paraphrase. See the examples below.

Doe rejected  the claim that nature is more important than nurture.

Doe denied  the claim that nature is more important than nurture.

Doe refutes  the claim that nature is more important than nurture.

Doe disputes  the claim that nature is more important than nurture.

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from training.npr.org: https://training.npr.org/2016/10/12/leads-are-hard-heres-how-to-write-a-good-one/

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A good lead is everything — here's how to write one

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(Deborah Lee/NPR)

I can’t think of a better way to start a post about leads than with this:

“The most important sentence in any article is the first one. If it doesn’t induce the reader to proceed to the second sentence, your article is dead.” — William Zinsser, On Writing Well

No one wants a dead article! A story that goes unread is pointless. The lead is the introduction — the first sentences — that should pique your readers’ interest and curiosity. And it shouldn’t be the same as your radio intro, which t ells listeners what the story is about and why they should care. In a written story, that’s the function of the “nut graph” (which will be the subject of a future post) — not the lead.

The journalism lead’s  main job (I’m personally fond of the  nostalgic spelling , “lede,” that derives from the bygone days of typesetting when newspaper folks needed to differentiate the lead of a story from the  lead  of hot type) is to make the reader want to stay and spend some precious time with whatever you’ve written. It sets the tone and pace and direction for everything that follows. It is the puzzle piece on which the rest of the story depends. To that end, please write your lead first — don’t undermine it by going back and thinking of one to slap on after you’ve finished writing the rest of the story.

Coming up with a good lead is hard. Even the most experienced and distinguished writers know this. No less a writer than John McPhee has called it “ the hardest part of a story to write.” But in return for all your effort, a good lead will do a lot of work for you — most importantly, it will make your readers eager to stay awhile.

There are many different ways to start a story. Some examples of the most common leads are highlighted below. Sometimes they overlap. (Note: These are not terms of art.)

Straight news lead

Just the facts, please, and even better if interesting details and context are packed in. This kind of lead works well for hard news and breaking news.

Some examples:

“After mass street protests in Poland, legislators with the country’s ruling party have abruptly reversed their positions and voted against a proposal to completely ban abortion.” (By NPR’s Camila Domonoske )

“The European Parliament voted Tuesday to ratify the landmark Paris climate accord, paving the way for the international plan to curb greenhouse gas emissions to become binding as soon as the end of this week.” (By NPR’s Rebecca Hersher )

“The United States announced it is suspending efforts to revive a cease-fire in Syria, blaming Russia’s support for a new round of airstrikes in the city of Aleppo.” (By NPR’s Richard Gonzales )

All three leads sum up the news in a straightforward, clear way — in a single sentence. They also hint at the broader context in which the news occurred.

Anecdotal lead

This type of lead uses an anecdote to illustrate what the story is about.

Here’s a powerful anecdotal lead to a story about Brazil’s murder rate and gun laws by NPR’s Lulu Garcia-Navarro :

“At the dilapidated morgue in the northern Brazilian city of Natal, Director Marcos Brandao walks over the blood-smeared floor to where the corpses are kept. He points out the labels attached to the bright metal doors, counting out loud. It has not been a particularly bad night, yet there are nine shooting victims in cold storage.”

We understand right away that the story will be about a high rate of gun-related murder in Brazil. And this is a much more vivid and gripping way of conveying it than if Lulu had simply stated that the rate of gun violence is high.

Lulu also does a great job setting the scene. Which leads us to …

Scene-setting lead

Byrd Pinkerton, a 2016 NPR intern, didn’t set foot in this obscure scholarly haven , but you’d never guess it from the way she draws readers into her story:

“On the second floor of an old Bavarian palace in Munich, Germany, there’s a library with high ceilings, a distinctly bookish smell and one of the world’s most extensive collections of Latin texts. About 20 researchers from all over the world work in small offices around the room.”

This scene-setting is just one benefit of Byrd’s thorough reporting. We even get a hint of how the place smells.

First-person lead

The first-person lead should be used sparingly. It means you, the writer, are immediately a character in your own story. For purists, this is not a comfortable position. Why should a reader be interested in you? You need to make sure your first-person presence is essential — because you experienced something or have a valuable contribution and perspective that justifies conveying the story explicitly through your own eyes. Just make sure you are bringing your readers along with you.

Here, in the spirit of first-personhood, is an example from one of my own stories :

“For many of us, Sept. 11, 2001, is one of those touchstone dates — we remember exactly where we were when we heard that the planes hit the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. I was in Afghanistan.”

On a historic date, I was in a place where very few Americans were present, meaning I’m able to serve as a guide to that place and time. Rather than stating I was in Afghanistan in the first sentence, I tried to draw in readers by reminding them that the memory of Sept. 11 is something many of us share in common, regardless of where we were that day.

Observational lead

This kind of lead steps back to make an authoritative observation about the story and its broader context. For it to work, you need to understand not just the immediate piece you’re writing, but also the big picture. These are useful for stories running a day or more after the news breaks.

Here’s one by the Washington Post’s Karen Tumulty , a political reporter with decades of experience:

“At the lowest point of Donald Trump’s quest for the presidency, the Republican nominee might have brought in a political handyman to sand his edges. Instead, he put his campaign in the hands of a true believer who promises to amplify the GOP nominee’s nationalist message and reinforce his populist impulses.”

And here’s another by NPR’s Camila Domonoske , who knows her literary stuff, juxtaposing the mundane (taxes) with the highbrow (literary criticism):

“Tax records and literary criticism are strange bedfellows. But over the weekend, the two combined and brought into the world a literary controversy — call it the Ferrante Furor of 2016.”

Zinger lead

Edna Buchanan, the legendary, Pulitzer Prize-winning crime reporter for the Miami Herald , once said that a good lead should make a reader sitting at breakfast with his wife “spit out his coffee, clutch his chest and say, ‘My god, Martha. Did you read this?’”

That’s as good a definition as any of a “zinger” lead. These are a couple of Buchanan’s:

“His last meal was worth $30,000 and it killed him.” (A man died while trying to smuggle cocaine-filled condoms in his gut.)

“Bad things happen to the husbands of Widow Elkin.” (Ms. Elkin, as you might surmise, was suspected of bumping off her spouses.)

After Ryan Lochte’s post-Olympic Games, out-of-the-water escapades in Rio, Sally Jenkins, writing in the Washington Post , unleashed this zinger:

“Ryan Lochte is the dumbest bell that ever rang.”

Roy Peter Clark, of the Poynter Institute,  deconstructs Jenkins’ column here , praising her “short laser blast of a lead that captures the tone and message of the piece.”

Here are a few notes on things to avoid when writing leads:

• Clichés and terrible puns. This goes for any part of your story, and never more so than in the lead. Terrible puns aren’t just the ones that make a reader groan — they’re in bad taste, inappropriate in tone or both. Here’s one example .
• Long, rambling sentences. Don’t try to cram way too much information into one sentence or digress and meander or become repetitive. Clarity and simplicity rule.
• Straining to be clever. Don’t write a lead that sounds better than it means or promises more than it can deliver. You want your reader to keep reading, not to stop and figure out something that sounds smart but is actually not very meaningful. Here’s John McPhee again: “A lead should not be cheap, flashy, meretricious, blaring: After a tremendous fanfare of verbal trumpets, a mouse comes out of a hole, blinking.”
• Saying someone “could never have predicted.” It’s not an informative observation to say someone “could never have imagined” the twists and turns his or her life would take. Of course they couldn’t! It’s better to give the reader something concrete and interesting about that person instead.
• The weather . Unless your story is about the weather, the weather plays a direct role in it or it’s essential for setting the scene, it doesn’t belong in the lead. Here’s a story about Donald Trump’s financial dealings that would have lost nothing if the first, weather-referenced sentence had been omitted.

One secret to a good lead

Finally, good reporting will lead to good leads. If your reporting is incomplete, that will often show up in a weak lead. If you find yourself struggling to come up with a decent lead or your lead just doesn’t seem strong, make sure your reporting is thorough and there aren’t unanswered questions or missing details and points. If you’ve reported your story well, your lead will reflect this.

Further reading:

• A Poynter roundup of bad leads
• A classic New Yorker story by Calvin Trillin with a great lead about one of Buchanan’s best-known leads.
• A long read by John McPhee , discussing, among other things, “fighting fear and panic, because I had no idea where or how to begin a piece of writing for The New Yorker .” It happens to everyone!

Hannah Bloch is a digital editor for international news at NPR.

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Writing, Introduction Paragraph, Hooks and Lead-ins

https://bid4papers.com/blog/hook-for-essay/

How to Write a Good Hook for Your Essay

“You have to make choices even when there is nothing to choose from.”                                                                                               ― Péter Zilahy

And you have to find perfect hooks for an essay even when you don’t know what to write about.

When you are asked to write an essay, it doesn’t mean that you don’t get to express your own thoughts and creativity. An essay shouldn’t be boring or too formal. As a writer, your first priority is to make sure that you are keeping your audience in mind and writing for them and to them. That means grabbing and keeping their attention so that they want to read every word.

This is exactly why the essay hook exists and is such an important tool.

An essay hook is the first one or two sentences of your essay. It serves as an introduction and works to grab the reader’s attention. The first couple sentences will help your reader decide whether they want to continue reading your essay or not.

The use of hooks in writing goes far beyond just essays and college papers. Every writer, copywriter, screenwriter, and storyteller uses this device to draw in readers and keep them hooked. For example, world-famous ad executive,  David Ogilvy , relied on a list of 29 “ magic words ” that he used in titles in order to hook a client’s attention.

College essay hooks can be difficult to generate, especially when you are still working on clarifying what your essay is going to say. So, the very first step in writing a strong essay hook is to do some planning.

Consider the overall presentation of your work:

• What type of essay are you writing?
• What type of writing style and tone will you need to use?
• Who is your intended audience?
• What kind of structure do you need to establish?

Essay hooks ideas

• A literary quote

This type of hook is appropriate when you are writing about a particular author, story, literary phenomenon, book, etc. Using a quote will make your essay sound fresh and establish your authority as an author.

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” These words of Nick Carraway perfectly describe…”

“Not all those who wander are lost.” And yes, indeed, every person is so…”

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” Agree or not, but these words from The Alchemist determine…”

• Quotes from Famous People

Including a quote from an authoritative and influential person can help support your argument and create an intriguing hook. The key is to make sure that you clearly show how the quote is relevant to your essay.

“John Wooden once said, ‘Never mistake activity for achievement.'”

“Learn to laugh” were the first words from my kindergarten teacher after Ralph Thorsen spilled paint on my daffodil picture.

Don’t be afraid to employ this type of hook. Remember, even if you start with a humorous anecdote, it doesn’t mean that your entire essay has to be funny. A bit of humor can help you grab readers’ attention and spark their interest in the topic.

“As my cousin and I pedaled our new bikes to the beach, 6 years old, suntanned and young, we met an old, shaggy-haired man weaving unsteadily on a battered old bike.”

“When I was a young boy, my father worked at a coal mine. For 27 years, he made it his occupation to scrape and claw and grunt his way into the bowels of the earth, searching for fuel. On April 19, 2004, the bowels of the earth clawed back.”

Keep in mind that most essay assignments will ask you to avoid using the first person. Be sure to check any requirements before using “I” in your writing.

• Pose a Question

Almost nothing can attract interest better than a well-constructed question. Readers will want to continue reading your essay in order to discover the answer. Be sure to avoid simple “Yes” or “No” questions and try to pose questions that ask reader to consider the other side or engage in some critical thinking.

“What would you do if you could play God for a day? That’s exactly what the leaders of the tiny island nation of Guam tried to answer.”

“Have you ever wondered, whether Anna Karenina still loved Alexei if she hadn’t decided to commit a suicide?”

• Set a Scene

People respond well to visual cues. Taking the time to set a detailed scene will help your reader have a clear picture in their minds and create an effective hook. You can describe an incident or detail the particular features of a person or a character to help the readers become immersed in your writing.

“The day of his birth began with Hurricane Charlie pounding at our door in Charleston, South Carolina.”

“Deciding to attend Hampton Roads Academy, a private school, was one of my most difficult decisions.”

• Include an Interesting Fact or Definition

These types of hooks start by surprising the reader with something that may not have known. Provide an interesting fact about something you are going to discuss in your essay’s body and your audience will want to keep reading to learn more.

“Spain, though hardly a literary juggernaut, translates more books in one year than the entire Arab world has in the past one thousand years.”

“Amiable is the best way to describe Elizabeth’s personality: she was friendly and caring.”

• State Your Thesis

There is no harm in getting right to the point. Start with your main argument and use the rest of your essay to support your point of view. If you have an interesting take on a subject, readers will want to see where you came up with your idea.

“It is time, at last, to speak the truth about Thanksgiving, and the truth is this. Thanksgiving is really not such a terrific holiday. . .”

“Humans need to invest more time and money into space exploration because Earth is on a certain path to destruction.”

• Reveal a Common Misconception

The most interesting essays will teach the readers something new. If you start your introduction by showing that a commonly accepted truth is actually false, your readers will be instantly hooked.

“Any parent will tell you that goldfish are a great first pet for a child. They hardly need any attention, and they won’t be around for too long. Flushing a goldfish in its first week is pretty common—it even happened to my first goldfish. But it turns out that goldfish aren’t as helpless as we all think.”

“While most coffee enthusiasts would tell you that their favorite drink comes from a bean, they would be wrong. Coffee is actually made from a seed that is simply called a bean.”

By listing proven facts at the very beginning of your paper, you will create interest that can be carried throughout the rest of the essay.

“The average iceberg weighs over 100,000 metric tons.”

“70% of all jobs found today were got through different networking strategies”

Depending on the style of essay you are writing (narrative, persuasive, personal, critical, argumentative, deductive, etc.), the type of hook you will want to use will vary. Remember, your essay hook is just a tip of an iceberg and it will not guarantee that the rest of your essay will work. Be sure to  organize your research  and start with an outline before deciding on the best hook to start your essay. The right choice can make your paper truly interesting and worth reading.

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How to Lead Into a Quote

Last Updated: January 11, 2023 Fact Checked

This article was co-authored by Lynn Kirkham . Lynn Kirkham is a Professional Public Speaker and Founder of Yes You Can Speak, a San Francisco Bay Area-based public speaking educational business empowering thousands of professionals to take command of whatever stage they've been given - from job interviews, boardroom talks to TEDx and large conference platforms. Lynn was chosen as the official TEDx Berkeley speaker coach for the last four years and has worked with executives at Google, Facebook, Intuit, Genentech, Intel, VMware, and others. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 81,727 times.

Introducing a quote in a paper can be tricky, as you want the quote to feel seamless and relevant to your topic. You may want to use a quote from a literary text to support your ideas in an essay, or as evidence in your research paper. The key to using quotes effectively is to always use a lead-in or introduction to the quote. Try using an introductory phrase or verb to lead into the quote. You can also use your own assertions to introduce the quote in the text.

Leading With an Introductory Phrase or Verb

• According to Smith, “Life is beautiful.”
• In Smith's view, “Life is beautiful.”
• In Smith's words, “Life is beautiful.”

• Do not use “says” as a descriptive verb to introduce a quote, unless you are quoting from an interview.
• Arendt remarks, “Even in the darkest of times, we have the right to expect some illumination.”
• Arendt states, “Even in the darkest of times, we have the right to expect some illumination.”

• Arendt points out that “totalitarianism is to be feared.”
• Arendt emphasizes that “totalitarianism is to be feared.”
• Arendt describes her book as “an exploration of power.”

Leading with Your Own Assertion

• For example, you may write an assertion like, “Arendt does not see totalitarianism as a positive result of war.”
• Or you may write an assertion like, “Hamlet argues against Rosencrantz's claim that he lacks ambition.”

• Arendt does not see totalitarianism as a positive result of war: “Totalitarianism is to be feared and loathed.”
• Hamlet argues against Rosencrantz's claim that he lacks ambition: "I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space.”

• For Arendt, state sanctioned propaganda was essential totalitarian regimes, where “one could make people believe the most fantastic statements,” thereby confirming the state's power over its citizens.
• Hamlet is doubtful of Rosencrantz's view, claiming he could be “bounded in a nutshell” and still feel powerful, “a king of infinite space.”

Polishing the Lead-In

• You can also look at your use of quotes throughout the paper to confirm they flow well. Make sure you are consistent with how you introduce quotes in the paper. Use one to two different ways to introduce quotes and stick to them so the reader can follow your train of thought.

• You should also check that you italicize any titles in the lead-in. Capitalize any author names or titles in the lead-in, as well.

• Place the citation at the end of the quote, if you are using in quote citations.
• Arendt does not see totalitarianism as a positive result of war: “Totalitarianism is to be feared and loathed” ( On Totalitarianism , 54).
• Hamlet is doubtful of Rosencrantz's view, claiming he could be “bounded in a nutshell” and still feel powerful, “a king of infinite space” ( Hamlet , 2.2).

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• ↑ https://www.ccis.edu/offices/academicresources/writingcenter/essaywritingassistance/suggestedwaystointroducequotations.aspx
• ↑ http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/quotations/
• ↑ https://writing.wisc.edu/handbook/assignments/quoliterature/
• ↑ https://www.albright.edu/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Adding-Lead-Ins-Before-a-Quote.pdf
• ↑ https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/using_research/quoting_paraphrasing_and_summarizing/signal_and_lead_in_phrases.html

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, need help with lead-in words for essays.

Hey! I'm working on my college application essays, and I want to make my essay transitions smooth and engaging. What are some effective lead-in words for introducing ideas and connecting paragraphs in a college essay?

Hello! Enhancing your transitions is a great way to improve the flow and readability of your college essays. Effective lead-in words and phrases can help you introduce new ideas and connect related paragraphs or points. Here are some examples of transitional words and phrases to help you:

1. To introduce an example or illustrate a point:

- For instance

- For example

- As an illustration

- Specifically

2. To compare or show similarity:

- Similarly

- In the same vein

- In like manner

3. To contrast or show difference:

- On the other hand

- In contrast

4. To add information or reinforce a point:

- Additionally

- Furthermore

- In addition

5. To show cause and effect:

- Consequently

- As a result

- Therefore

6. To show progression or sequence:

- Firstly, Secondly, Thirdly (for enumerating points)

- Following this

- Simultaneously

7. To summarize or conclude:

- In conclusion

- To sum up

- Ultimately

Remember to use these transition words and phrases appropriately, and don't overuse them, as it can make your essay sound mechanical or formulaic. Try to maintain a balance and use them to enhance clarity and smoothness in your writing. It's also important that the content of each paragraph is well-developed and related to your overall thesis. Transitions work best when the flow of ideas is logical. Good luck with your college application essays!

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

How to Write a Lead Paragraph that Wins Readers’ Attention

by Jeff Elkins | 170 comments

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You’ve spent countless hours pondering the plot, creating the characters’ voices, and building the perfect twist at the end that will leave readers speechless. Once everything is as good as you can make it, you publish your writing and wait. . . .

But no one reads your masterpiece.

Unfortunately, in our content-saturated age, if you don’t grab people by the throat, pull them in close, and yell, “Pay attention to me!” with your first paragraph, they won’t stick around to read the amazing story you’ve crafted.

Your Opening Paragraph Is Vital

When I was editing submissions for Short Fiction Break, if the first paragraph didn’t hold my attention, I rarely kept reading. I'm an avid reader looking for things to read. If a story didn’t keep me engaged, it had no chance of catching the attention of the average internet reader.

A scroll through my Facebook feed illustrates the problem. Here are some of the titles vying for my attention:

• 21 Bacon Recipes for When You are Trying to Eat Healthy
• This Game of Thrones Theory Blames Bran for Everything!
• 15 Times Super Heroes Kill People
• Amazing Movies Streaming Right Now!

That blog post you just published? That’s what it is competing with: bacon, super heroes, the entire movie industry, and Game of Thrones. I see the Game of Thrones headline and neurons in my mind begin to fire. “Yeah,” I tell myself. “I bet the whole crippled thing is just a clever ruse. Damn you, George R. R. Martin! Damn you and your ever-twisting plot!”

3 Qualities of Effective Lead Paragraphs

Never fear. Even with all this competition, getting your writing noticed isn’t hopeless. I fully believe good work gets read, and a great opening paragraph will help.

Here are three qualities of opening, or lead, paragraphs that win readers' attention:

1. They Are Direct

The Wild West of the internet is no place for meandering. Your lead paragraph should walk down the street with purpose. Its commanding presence should cause others to step aside because your paragraph has somewhere to be.

Attention-getting lead paragraphs paint clear, simple pictures. They are easy to read. Save SAT words and flowery descriptions of the drapes in the front room for the middle of the work. Don't dilly-dally in your opening paragraph.

Set the scene. Do it in a way that gives us an instant image, and don’t write any words readers are going to have to google.

2. They Grab Readers by the Throat

Internet readers don’t want to ease into anything. I’m not looking for a slow float around the lazy river. This is the internet; I’m probably reading your post on my phone. Give me rapids. Give me challenge. Give me conflict. Give me Jimmy Olson tied up in a corner with a bomb strapped to his chest and a timer reading 10 seconds until the end of the world.

An attention-getting lead paragraph draws readers in.

By the time a reader gets to the end of the first paragraph, they should be at the top of the roller coaster, filled with anticipation, looking down at the rush they are about to feel.

3. They Make Readers Care

Unfortunately, in our calloused age, a dead body on the floor or a couple yelling at each other isn’t enough on its own to get a paragraph noticed. Seventeen seasons of Law and Order SVU have hardened us.

An attention-winning lead paragraph must go one step further: it must make us care.

Show us a character we are intrigued by. Say something that makes us smile. Touch our hearts with a wink or a nod. Remind us that the feelings sparked by images created in our imaginations are far more powerful than the feelings forced by images we see on screens, and we will stick with you to the end of the piece.

You CAN Get a Reader's Attention

There is more competition for a potential reader’s attention now than ever before, but you can rise to the challenge and capture readers from the start. Cast aside fear, kick doubt in the face, and write a simple, emotionally engaging, conflict-filled lead paragraph that demands to be reckoned with.

Your readers will be happy to follow.

What do you find most challenging about writing an opening paragraph?   Let me know in the comments .

Take fifteen minutes to write a lead paragraph that will grab readers' attention. Revise the first paragraph of your current work in progress, or write the beginning of something new.

When you're done, share your practice in the comments . Don't forget to leave feedback for your fellow writers!

Jeff Elkins

Jeff Elkins is a writer who lives Baltimore with his wife and five kids. If you enjoy his writing, he'd be honored if you would subscribe to his free monthly newsletter . All subscribers receive a free copy of Jeff's urban fantasy novella "The Window Washing Boy."

170 Comments

When I get in a writing funk, I will often sit at the computer and write opening lines or opening paragraphs. Not only is this a great way to generate ideas for future books or short stories, but it also seems to move me past the “I’m such a wannab” moment. I have collected these openings and put them in a file to “use someday.” Three short stories and one novel have evolved from this.

Emmylou is a professional spinster, a hater of men. Cocooned in her virginal bed, too tucked in to move. ‘Thou shalt not’ embroidered above her, she despises everything that doesn’t conform to her narrow view of how things should be. She lives alone in the small terraced house where she was born. Her job as a librarian is the only outlet she has, books are her friends, their smell and feel of them always brings her pleasure.

Nice literary start. I write pulp so this is from another world. My wife would like this start and she reads serious stuff all the time.

The pain in my arm wasn’t that intense, just annoying. I looked down and saw a small barb embedded just above my wrist. “Shit, I must have brushed up against a thorn bush.” was my first thought. As I reached to pull the little sucker out, I noticed a faint red light emanating from it and thought I could hear a very faint buzz coming from it. I pulled it out and looked at it real close, only to discover that it was some sort of miniscule missile and that the red glow was coming from a tiny rocket motor. I held it closer to my ear and what I thought was a faint buzz, now sounded like a far off collision alarm. “Damn!” I said to myself, just my luck.

Using first person works well for this. Pulls a person in right away. Maybe first person voice would always have that advantage? I think you could even tell this story in present tense if you wanted to.

Thanks for the reply. I don’t know where that stuff came from, but it was fun. Now for the rest of the story…???

I love it! You must continue the story, please?

Agreed! Very engaging and surprising

engaging…

You can’t leave us hanging! Now, you have to write more about this!

Engaging and interesting. I would love to know more!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments! I hadn’t really thought about how to develop this, but I will try and see what happens to him (Me??).

This works really well as an opening paragraph. I love how it starts small, like the person’s in a normal, unremarkable situation, and then builds up to something dramatic.

I think you could make this paragraph even more intense by writing in shorter sentences as the person examines the barb. I’d suggest breaking apart long sentences and cutting out some of the “and”s and transition phrases like “only to discover.” Then it will read as a series of short sentences, like a burst of rapid discoveries, one after the other, each one worse than the last.

From the first line, I’m engaged and curious, wanting to read more. Great job!

He loves me…he loves me not… Oh, forget that nonsense! Jerilyn tossed the daisy and grabbed her cell phone. She hit the number she’d programmed in and he answered on the third ring. “Hi, sweetheart.” She fingered her turquoise pendant, his most recent gift. “Do you really, really love me?”

She heard him take a deep breath and wondered what he’d been doing when his phone rang. Hopefully he wasn’t in a meeting with his boss at this moment. His response set her worries to rest. “Of course I love you, darling. I love you to depths and heights my soul can reach and all that.” There was a long pause, then he added, “But you know I’ve asked you never to call me at work.”

“Oh…” She searched her mind for a time he might have told her that, but the memory cells came up blank.

“This is important, Destiny. I don’t want your calls coming here. Somebody may notice your number on my screen and ask questions.”

She almost dropped her cell phone. “Destiny? This is Jerilyn!” Her face scrunched up in an angry frown. “Who’s Destiny,” she demanded. There was a gasp, then another pause at his end. She could almost hear him groping at the surrounding air for an appropriate explanation. And he better have one!

Maybe how much a writer can do in one paragraph depends on how much dialogue you open with?

This is nice I like the changes that happen unexpectedly. Keep it up. More than one para though.

Thank you. If I were to share this much info all one paragraph, it would have to be straight narration — which is okay, too, in its place.

Really fun read.

Thank you. Now I’m trying to decide if he’ll go for a confession or “I knew it was you. Just a joke, dear.”

Loved the story line…!

Do you think he can talk his way out of trouble now?

Well, he could say it was a Freudian slip…Destiny is (a client, a colleague, a person who showed up in a dream that he was thinking about)…but will she believe him for long? 🙂

An interesting read. The imagery is particularly good, especially the line, “She could almost hear him groping at the surrounding air for an appropriate explanation.”

I highly doubt old lover-boy will be able to wriggle his way out of this one. 😛

Thank you. I doubt it, too. I hope Jerilyn doesn’t sound like the type who will shut her eyes to the red flags.

No, she seems like a smart gal. If she was smart enough to be worried (even if it might have been paranoia), there must have been a reason for it.

Excellent. It really drew me in.

This is great! It drew me in from the start. I love how you’ve shown us a lot about the man from his dialogue, especially bits like “and all that.” His voice is very clear, and his personality and character shine through (though not to his credit).

You’ve definitely brought us right into the action in this opening scene and given us a big reveal, which makes for a very engaging start. On the flip side, it makes me wonder what the climax will be—perhaps Jerilyn trying to figure out how to cope with this bad news? Him doing something even more drastic? If this weren’t the opening, I’d think it might be part of the climax; as an opening, I’m curious what it will build up to.

Jerilyn sounds like a likeable and sympathetic character. I love her “oh, forget that nonsense!” at the start. I’m curious now about the story of her relationship with this man—this makes me want to read more!

The idea is to start your story at the point where something changes, so I wanted to create the sense of change. You know that even if he comes up with a valid explanation now, things will never be the same again. Like opening a where something pops out and won’t be stuffed back in again.

And I wanted him to sound like he could be a brush-off artist.

I just figured out an way for him to save his bacon. He’s going to admit to Jerilyn that he owes big time on a credit card and can’t afford to pay. Destiny is a rep of a collection agency and she’s been hounding him. Understandably he doesn’t want her calling him at work. Hopefully that explanation will get him off the hook for two-timing. 🙂

I like it. I don’t want to “evaluate” your work because I’m just starting out. I see this was posted 1yr ago. Best of luck. Chuck

How to write a lead paragraph that will get your readers attention do not wander , you have a purpose , their retention make it clear , simple , be a politician some other time rapids, challenge , conflict , are what I have in mind Lois Lane tumbling out of a plane , oh yes please for touching hearts , making smiles , Lois Lane says , “while I’m tumbling helplessly to the earth I’m sure Clark Kent would want to be here , and clearly only make it worse”

The Moa River curved through the rainforest like a black artery piercing a dark heart. The drenching heat slithered its way into the bush plane’s cabin as Billy pointed the camera that took him to all corners of the world. Sitting in the co-pilot’s seat of a Cessna 172 Skyhawk, he set his Samsung’s shutter speed to fast while the bush plane dropped. The professional in him took care not to rest the lens on any part of the plane, and he popped it out the small window rigged to stay fully open. In his viewfinder people on the road below looked like a hodgepodge of colorful smudges on the road’s light brown surface as it snaked through a clearing and then back into the rainforest.

You have a lot of description, but what is the change or conflict? I think you need to hint at something unusual. Like, is the plane coming down as planned or is this an emergency landing? Is there some special danger or prize involved in this trip/ these particular pictures?

That comes in the coming paragraphs. I try to keep the paragraphs short. I will think on all these comments. Thanks Christine.

Your first paragraph hooked me, especially the first sentence, which creates a vivid picture. Seems you’re an expert on photography, too. Have you written more of the story, or is just a pracice post? Thanks for sharing, Michael. Cheers!

Thx for the encouragement, Lillian. I am 34000 words in and need beta readers. Are you interested in a reading project in let’s say August?

Sure I am, Michael. I like your writing style and i know your story will be fab.

my email is [email protected] . The book is at the editor now and we are going through a developmental process that takes time. I can’t thank you enough for the offer to betaread. Writing a book is such a group effort.

I LOVED your description. It was vivid. But it told me nothing about Billy, except that he’s good with a camera. I want to know why I should care about his story.

I stuck to the instructions. One paragraph. That happens to be the first para in my newest novel. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I will think on what you said.

When One of the Bottles Happen to Fall… Hands unsteady, with pursed lips and her green eyes only slits, Rachel tightened her grip on her glass bottle and secured it to the high shelf with Crazy Glue. When does one reach rock bottom? You know, the time when people say, “It can only get better from here”? What does one do when one of the ninety nine glass bottles of issues fall and shatter? Does one’s world fall apart? Rachel thought to herself, “I just hate this life”. Since finding those unworthy text messages on Mike’s phone, Rachel couldn’t help but subtly despise him. She’d been raised to keep quiet, to swallow her words before they formed a complete thought, and couldn’t let herself discuss her concerns with Mike, or with anyone. Rachel generally coped with her problems by not thinking about them. Because, if you ignore it, it will go away. Like Mom told her as a kid, when a bee buzzed around her; to stand still and not wave at it or run away, because then it will get wild. Comment, please. I’m very unsure if there is sense here.

Personally, I’d be inclined to turn things around and start with the third & fourth paragraph — rolled into one — then go back and start the second paragraph with her asking “When does one reach rock bottom?” Her gluing a bottle on a shelf doesn’t make sense without some kind of lead-in explanation. Is she saving up all her empty wine bottles or olive oil bottles or…? And why? To start off with this line and not explain what’s up leaves the reader thinking, “Huh?”

Yes, gotcha! I’m confused myself there… Thanks…

I’m gonna have to disagree a little. I do believe you need an explanation to why she’s gluing the bottle to the shelf. But that scene is so intriguing and different that I am more leaned to liking it as a starter to your story.

The fact that you asked that question at the end tells me your gut is speaking to you. Listen to it. It did take me a second to figure out what was happening, even when I read “I just hate this life” I was still struggling to understand. Is Mike her husband? Did she discover he was cheating on her? After reading the whole thing I went back to the beginning and now I understand she was trying to glue the bottle so she wouldn’t drink any more. I really like this idea, but it wasn’t clear from the get go. You want readers to understand right away.

Thank you so much for your input. I’m going to use this to make it clearer.

I love your opening line. I agree with M. C. Muhlenkamp that it’s intriguing, a curious and engaging start to the story. It’s such a great image—I can so clearly see Rachel reaching up with shaking hands to press the bottle onto the shelf.

Then again, I also agree that the image doesn’t make much sense without some further explanation, either before or after. You might consider continuing with storytelling rather than questions in the second paragraph: what does Rachel do in the moments after gluing the bottle to the shelf?

The third paragraph feels heavy on the telling and exposition. Could you show us how much Rachel hates her life, maybe by the slump of her shoulders or her weary frown?

I really appreciate the comparison in the last paragraph of coping with problems like not angering bees. That’s great advice for dealing with bees, though not such great advice for coping with problems. It gives good insight into Rachel as a character, though.

You’ve established that Rachel is in quite the dark pit, and I’m curious to know how she got there and how (or whether) she’ll get out. Nicely done! Thank you for sharing!

Damn!!! The lady was at it again!!!

The canary yellow Post-it note attached to the windshield of his truck was the last thing he wanted to see. “Call Candace, Its very important”. With no intention of returning the call he muttered to himself “Just lose my number”.

His hand reached to grasp the note crumpling it into his fist. Nothing could be that important. Remembering the words of his friend and trusted attorney to keep his distance, not to get involved again. He had come too far to be manipulated back into the same dead end relationship. He knew her and he also knew she would not stop until she got what she wanted. Little beads of sweat popped up on his forehead and his face redder than a beet he climbed into the truck, rolled the window down,and with both hands placed a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. Seconds later he turned the key in the ignition. The truck hummed to life as he slowly backed out of the parking space while the note fell to the floor underneath his feet.

I’m hooked. Loved that you made it super important and then he just dismissed it. It made me curious. I’d keep reading. I’d just make the writing tighter now. (The Post-it note attached to the windshield of [name]’s truck was the last thing he wanted to see…)

I agree. Very intense. Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors–especially in paragraph one.

fixed the commas thanks

fixed that one – thanks

I would keep reading. This is a great start. It makes me curious. Only one comment: (maybe I am projecting here because I am working on this right now in my work -the dreaded verb, To Be.) Could you make the first sentence without the verb to be with an action verb?

I, too, am hooked and want to know more! One little thing to think about: it feels to me like the sentence beginning with “Remembering… is either incomplete or meant to connect to the following sentence. Of course, maybe it’s a question of style? I’ll look forward to seeing more about this!

Changed the remembering. thanks

Nice! You can tell how angry and frustrated the character is. I assume Candace is an ex that has caused Jack a great deal of heartache in the past–or at the very least, plenty of headaches.

This is an engaging start to what sounds like a great story. I particularly like the first couple of lines. “Again” tells me that while this is an attention-grabbing opening for the reader, it’s not actually unusual for Jack. That’s great; it gives you time to establish what’s normal life in the story and build up to the climax. And I love the imagery of that canary yellow Post it note.

The third paragraph feels to me like a lot of exposition pretty quickly—four sentences of Jack’s thoughts in response to the note, sentences that list out a lot of the basic facts of his relationship with Candace. Perhaps consider interspersing them with action, so that he thinks these things in between climbing into the truck, turning it on, etc. Or examine which ones are really necessary as his response in that moment, and which ones are extra exposition that you could share later in the story.

You’ve got me curious to know more, especially what is “very important” and what Candace wants so much that she won’t stop til she gets it. Nicely done!

There was complete silence, and then all the hell let loose, the roar was deafening as a huge mass of water rushed inland carrrying with it debris, fish, and all the stuff that had lain at the bottom of the ocean.The tsunami had finally hit the coast, three hours after the earthquake!

I’m gonna have to quote Jeff’s post (actually just read #3 again). I loved the fact that you started with the main conflict right away. A freakin’ tsunami! But it left me wondering still. I want to connect to the character. I need more.

I met Ethan Moon in a pub on Venus and two shots of vodka later we decided we were going to colonize Neptune.

For years we saved and schemed and fought and then we found the guts to trust our friends to the stars, but it wasn’t enough.

We lost contact with Poseidon I as it descended through the atmosphere of Neptune, and all eight of them were presumed dead.

My son. Moon’s best friend Polaris Queen. Dead. There one moment, gone the next.

And as the radio silence stretched on and on, our sponsors ended the program and left us to battle our ghosts, left us to wonder what we got wrong.

Wonder what we could have done to bring them home.

Fabulous! Just fabulous! You got a killer first sentence.

This first person stuff is really selling now. I am a purest for 3rd person stories, but then my books don’t sell lol. I am reading something you might like by a new writer who just got a movie deal for a diary form Sci Fi in first person. Sleeping Giants by Sylvain Neuvel

This is a powerful read—not just a first paragraph, but a full story in nine sentences. Well done!

I agree with M.C. Muhlenkamp that your first sentence is wonderful. You’ve drawn me in from the start and set an excellent pace and entertaining, engaging tone for the whole story. That sets it up well for the hurt and poignancy of the last sentence—powerful stuff.

I love how pithy it is, no wasted words at all. I want more, but at the same time, I don’t; too much more would ruin the effect. Thank you for sharing!

Thank you very much! It does continue, but I am very happy to know that the beginning is engaging. I’ve been working on it for quite a while.

He sat close to the fire, sewing yet another piece of leather across a hole in the chest piece. Sweat rolled down his broad, muscular back, bouncing over various scars and leaving a trail of clean tan in the caked on grime. Some came from swords and knives. Other came from claws. One, near his spine, came from an axe.

The point of the needle in the fleshy part of his finger merited only an annoyed shake of the hand and a slight, “Damn it.”

A moment later, and the cuirass was held before his critical eye as he searched for further flaws. Seeing none, he nodded to himself and pulled the boiled leather over his head and strapped the piece into place. Approaching hoof beats brought him surging to his feet, drawing a broadsword as he rose.

The raven haired rider reined her horse in and swung out of the saddle. “Carter!” Her smile was infectious.

He sheathed the blade once more. “Queen Adora. It is good to see you again.”

“By Kellün’s right hand, you seem to be bigger every time we meet.”

He chuckled. “And you seem more beautiful every time I see you.”

Her bright smile at the compliment faded when she got a good look at his armor. “Gods, Carter. Why do you have such ragged apparel?”

“I can’t exactly go to the armorer when I’m attempting to be captured by Drago’s minions.”

She sat on the log near the fire where he’d sat moments ago. “How goes the attempts?”

His right eyebrow went up. “Ask my guards.”

“Looks like the standing orders are to kill the Walker of Worlds instead of capturing you.”

“Why do you think that is?”

Carter shrugged. “Maybe he’s decided I’m too scary.”

“Not enough to surrender, though.”

“Sadly true.”

“Since you’ve not been able to get yourself captured and interrogating enemy prisoners hasn’t gotten you any closer to finding Keeper Dearbhaile, how about joining my army? We could use another swordsman. Especially one of your caliber.”

“Another sword wouldn’t do you any better. I’m much more effective doing what I have been: Ambushing the ranking officers.”

“Yes, that is good, and has helped a lot, but imagine the moral boost for the soldiers.”

“How many even know what a Walker of Worlds is, much less that I am he?” Carter placed another log on the fire. “By all the hells, even I don’t know what the hell the Walker is. Nor what I do.”

She sighed. “Is there anything I could say

Loved the first paragraph. It paints a clear picture of who he is and makes me want to know more about him.

It was by far a very normal evening. I was working a bit late in the lab and took the shortcut through the deserted corridor in front of Mr. Ellington’s room when I heard those words which would change my life forever and bring me in to the whirlwinds of a world, about which my knowledge was next to nothing-

“Kill him.”

Though the voice was muffled behind the closed door,I heard it clear and I could never mistake that particular voice. ‘May be he is not talking about killing a human being’, I tried to reassure myself. But then the voice spoke again-

“He knows too much about our dealings. And clear the mess swiftly afterwards.”

Oh my God! ‘He IS talking about killing a human being!!!’. My hands felt cold, my whole body started to tremble, I could not breath and on top of everything, I could not believe my own ears.This was not some unknown or less acquainted brooding guy we are talking about. This was a man who had been and still was our professor, a very nice man with a very friendly demeanor. He was very popular among his students too, because of his avid manner of teaching, his knowledge and his approachable behavior.

‘How is it possible! How can a man keep up such thorough acting!’…..I was hyperventilating. I did not know what to do. Should I ignore it and go in my own way as if nothing out of ordinary happened? At least I would be safe in that case. But the self righteousness in me had the worst timing sense and decided to make an appearance at that very moment. Though I didn’t know how to prove this allegation which was unbelievable even to my own ears, I squared my solders and opened my phone……

just before a strong hand grabbed me from behind…. a feeling of sharp pinch on my arm….and then…..

everything was dark.

I like where you’re going with this, but I think a little rewording would add a nice punch. I’d skip the first two sentences altogether and go straight for the kill.

I agree with M.C. Lots of potential here. Starting with sentence 3 is a good idea because you edit out those phrases that editors dislike, such as “it was.”

good suggestion!

Alec was ready. He strode into the courtyard, shoulders apart and bent on proving it. He knew fighting a two-hundred-pound jaguar for the sake of approval was by far the stupidest idea he ever had. But at this point he couldn’t back down, and even if he could, he wouldn’t want to. Even if the jaguar was his uncle.

The morning air greeted him, drenched in summer scents. As usual, uncle Lawrence was already kneeling on a rug, meditating before sunrise. Alec narrowed his eyes, watching the man that wasn’t only his guardian, but also his personal jailer.

Intriguing and well-paced writing. I don’t know about ‘stupidest’.

Thanks Michael! Would you think differently if the character was sixteen?

I hadn’t thought of age. It fits if 16 is the case.

I like it! I’ll second Michael James Gallagher’s take on “stupidest”, it feels awkward.

Thank you Jennifer! I’ll ask you the same question I asked Michael, would you feel the same of the character is sixteen?

Yes, everything you’ve written suggests the protagonist is in his mid-teens (well done), so the suggestion was given with this in mind.

Nice idea! I wonder if “stupidest” could be saved if this were written in 1st person?

Thanks Ann! The whole book is written in a close third person. Would the fact that the book is YA change your perspective on the matter?

Love the story-telling. It’s at a nice pace, but like everyone else has already said, maybe change “stupidest” to a better word. As Ann stated, perhaps it might work in the first-person, if that’s the way your character tends to speak.

I am going for a close third person, Wh oh is why I used that word. The main character is sixteen.

Oh, I see what you mean now! That makes some sense.

Nice opening. Unlike the others, “stupidest” works for me. Are they shifters, or mages? I’d love to read more.

Thanks RevDr! They are shifters. The book is written in a close third person and the main character is sixteen. I’m trying to weight that fact with the major dislike most everyone had with the word ‘stupidest.’

You’re welcome. Writing teenagers believably is pretty difficult if you’re not one, so good luck with that. One thing to maybe remember is they speak and act a lot differently than adults. I’m cheering for you.

Thank you! It’s been a work in progress. What’s your genre?

Epic Fantasy. What is yours?

Yeah, your paragraph had the feel. Really nice. I write YA fantasy & sci-fi. Would love to share with you, maybe trade feedbacks if you’re interested. You can contact me through my website @mcmuhlenkamp.com if you want.

Sure. That sounds fun.

This is an engaging start, drawing me in from the first lines. It also sounds like a good place to start this story, leading up to the conflict without diving into the climax in the first line.

A couple of places felt to me like telling / data-dumping exposition. “Even if the jaguar was his uncle” makes sense in Alec’s train of thought, but to me, “the man that wasn’t only his guardian, but also his personal jailer” felt clunky. Is there a way you could show us this in the next few paragraphs, or help us understand it implicitly—or even just move this statement a few lines later, so the first couple paragraphs don’t feel like excessive exposition?

I thought you captured Alec’s 16-year-old voice well here; it felt believable, and “stupidest” worked for me. Since this is close third person, you might consider cutting “He knew” in the second sentence.

You’ve got me curious, wanting to read more, and waiting to see how this ill-conceived fight turns out. Well done!

Thanks for the fabulous feedback!

Timmy watched his father and a small girl feeding the ducks in the park. Safely hidden in the darkness of a laurel headge, the smell of cut grass and the dank undergrowth of earth, insects and litter, rose and stung his nostrils. He rubbed his eyes and his nose. The sound of his father’s voice and the little girl’s laughter ground his mind to a halt in a confusion of feelings. Disbelief, sadness, loneliness, the weight of a guilty secret he somehow guessed he could never share, rooted him as still and as pale as a statue in the dark. Then they moved off: him pushing her in a pram still talking, still laughing.

You’ve got me. Tell me more!

Thank you, Jennifer. This is the first draft of a 3,000 word short story Chap Book. Here’s the Synopsis:

Taking a short cut through the park, a troubled boy hides behind a bush and observes his father pushing a pram. The boy tells a friend, his abusive mother overhears and interrogates the boy; violence follows confrontation when the father returns home. Confessing the truth and realising the abuse of his son, the shocked father comforts the boy who joins his ‘other’ family.

I like this and want to know more. It’s interesting how this paragraph condenses what could well be expanded into a book!

This is a great start—in a way innocuous, but also laced with intensity and mystery. From the first line, I’m invested in Timmy, wondering why he’s merely watching his father rather than feeding the ducks with him.

By the fourth sentence, I’m reading a lot of weighty words, but losing the clear picture of what’s going on. I’m also a little confused by “the weight of a guilty secret he somehow guessed he could never share.” Why is it weighty, who is guilty, what is the secret, and why has Timmy guessed he can’t share it? From your synopsis, I can guess, but in this opening paragraph, I’m not yet grounded in the story enough to hold this much confusion. You might try expanding the description/action there and holding off on some of the introspection for a few lines more.

On the flip side, I love the image of “rooted him as still and as pale as a statue in the dark.” That’s an eloquent and powerful comparison.

I’m definitely concerned about Timmy and curious what will happen. Nicely done! Thank you for sharing your writing with us!

Thank so much for your kind and creative criticism which I greatly appreciate. I’ve got quite a few versions of this paragraph so here is one of the others:

Inside the darkness of the laurel hedge, unseen by people strolling by, Timmy squinted at a man and a little girl feeding the ducks. The man looked so much like his Dad; was it really his father? He recognised the blue trilby and the grey suit, but who was the little girl? What was his father doing with a little girl, throwing crusts into the water and laughing together as the ducks came quacking, crowding round, snatching at morsels. He rubbed his eyes and wiped his nose on his sleeve: it was dank and smelly in the hedge. Timmy stood as pale and as still as a statue in the dark, watching them, then took in a sharp breath as his father gathered up the little girl in his arms, tickling and kissing her, making her squeal. Quite suddenly he felt lonely and small in a very big world – and not a little jealous of the fun they were having. Then he heard, ‘Come on, Daphne, say bye bye to the ducks. Mummy will be waiting.’ It was his Dad alright. He knew his voice. Timmy watched until his father, with ‘Daphne’ safe in her pram, disappeared from sight on the other side of the park.

So sorry for my slow reply! I saw your comment, but then I lost it and couldn’t find it again.

I like this version better. I particularly like how you express Timmy’s emotions: “Quite suddenly he felt lonely and small in a very big world – and not a little jealous of the fun they were having.” This sounds like the honest experience and reflection of a small child in the moment. The version from the previous sample, “Disbelief, sadness, loneliness, the weight of a guilty secret he somehow guessed he could never share, rooted him as still and as pale as a statue in the dark,” sounded a little too mature and self-aware. Actually, I think that might be true for each paragraph as a whole: the first version sounded rather “literary,” but this one sounds like it’s straight from the experience of a little boy—a much more desirable effect in my opinion.

The string of three questions at the beginning throws me off slightly. Each question is useful, but I wonder whether it would be helpful to separate them, or to rephrase one or two so they’re not directly questions. You might use verbs like “wondered” or phrases like “confused, he watched” or “curious, he watched” to convey that sense of confused questioning without directly using questions. These are just my thoughts, of course; suggestions to play around with, and you’re more than welcome to decide they don’t work!

Thank you for sharing these two versions of your story with us! I look forward to seeing where this beginning takes you.

Thanks again, Alice. Yes, you’re right about the three questions in your second paragraph and I take that on board. And you have rightly hinted at my current dilemma in writing this short story. I am now confused about how to write it and fear I’ve made it worse, (or better) by experimenting with writing the story from each character’s perspective and voice. For example, Timmy’s story, his mother’s view and his father’s view. I really like these three stories – I’ve stopped at the mystery woman’s voice for the time being; I seem to have painted myself into a corner and feel that if I walk over what I’ve already done to synthesise these (three to four) stories, I’ll ruin what I’ve already got! Advise me please. Here are a few paragraphs at the start of Timmy’s story:

Sometimes I don’t open my eyes when I wake up because I don’t want to look. Sometimes I do, especially when I’m looking forward to school. I might be seeing my very best friend James and then I’m happy because we have fun and I do open my eyes when I wake up. Mostly I don’t. I stay in bed as long as I can. It’s mostly warm which I like. Sometimes it’s not. 74

If I open my eyes while I’m still in bed I can see the light shade. It’s a glass bowl and hangs on three chains. When the light is on it looks like a bowl of innards. That’s because it’s white glass with pink and orange blobs and it hangs over my bed. It looks like suet in the butcher’s.

And my pillow case is stiff and shiny and leaves creases in my face so I look like folded paper and the sheets are the same. I can’t move when I get into bed and have to lie on my back. That’s because I have to have hospital corners. But I turn over in my sleep. I must do or I wouldn’t have these creases in my face.

Telling the story from multiple perspectives, in multiple voices, sounds like a great experiment. And here, I’d say it’s working very well for Timmy. In these three paragraphs, I’ve gotten a strong sense of his voice and his sweet, innocent, creative, observant character. I particularly love the line, “And my pillow case is stiff and shiny and leaves creases in my face so I look like folded paper and the sheets are the same.” What beautiful imagery!

From these three paragraphs, I have just a couple words of caution. First, you may want to keep in mind as you write in Timmy’s voice that it could be overwhelming in excess. That isn’t to say don’t use his voice. In fact, you might find it works well to let his voice come through strongly a lot! It’s just a thought to keep in mind as you write (or perhaps more accurately, as you edit) to be aware of what’s helpful and what’s overwhelming.

Second, your description in this passage is thorough, but I wonder sometimes how relevant it is. In a short section like this, I don’t know—I can’t make a judgement about whether Timmy’s observations about the light shade will be useful to know later on. (They might be! We might be getting some important insight about his character to hear him describe it as “like suet in the butcher’s,” for instance.) But I would encourage you to go through and question your text: is this particular detail relevant and helpful, or does it actually distract the reader from where this story is going?

In that sense, I think the first paragraph is most helpful—we learn right off the bat that Timmy mostly doesn’t want to open his eyes when he wakes up, and that leads us to wonder why.

(Also in that sense, what is the 74?)

As far as the multiple voices go, I actually think you might be onto something by not writing the mystery woman’s voice. Her name says it all, doesn’t it? She’s a mystery, both to Timmy and to the reader (and to you, it sounds like!). It could work well to tell this story that revolves around her without ever giving her the chance to share her own perspective. We could experience all the ramifications of her actions and the confusion of the other characters without ever quite seeing and understanding her. You might try it and see how it goes.

Thank you for sharing more of your story! Good luck writing and revising!

Great post. I tried to apply info to my next travel blog, but I’m wondering which intro best meets the criteria. Please help me decide.

1) When Lewis and Clark encountered the Nez Perce in 1805, it was a meeting of the minds. Bright men on both sides shared survival secrets and technology, friendship and trust. So how did this meeting lead to Chief Joseph’s greatest sorrow?

2) Returning home from Yellowstone to Seattle, we drove off-piste a bit and took Highway 12, the Lewis and Clark Trail west, which later became the Nez Perce escape route east. Along the way, the National Parks displays reduced us to tears over how the brilliant Expedition eventually led to the death of so many brilliant Nez Perce. It didn’t have to end that way.

Perhaps number 1, though you’ll have better luck working the greatest sorrow bit in as the first sentence. You’ll have to do some reworking to make it fit, but it will hook the non-history buffs who would otherwise stall on the facts of the first two sentences.

Thank you so much, Jennifer. I think you’re right. And you know my audience–non-history buffs.

Jeff moved to the front door and set the green duffel bag down at his feet, placed a well worn loafer on top of it and leaned an arm on his knee. Some may have thought this too casual a pose for the circumstances, but this was how Jeff thought best – his body relaxed in order to let his mind do all the work. He removed his baseball cap and ran his hand through his hair as he studied Karen through the screen door. He was grateful that she was here and he doubted they could have reached this point without her unwavering support over the last few weeks.

Karen had moved from the front stoop to the porch swing. Jeff noticed the other, smaller bag was tucked discreetly under the plastic table next to where she sat, rocking slowly. Jeff thought she looked as forlorn as he felt. She was transfixed on something down the street and he look but saw nothing. Karen’s just as lost as the rest of us. It distressed him to consider what was going on inside her head – surely nothing that had not passed through his own in recent weeks – but it was better to study Karen than to observe the anguish happening in the living room.

Remove the phrase beginning with “placed a well worn”, and the second sentence. Start the last sentence with “He doubted”. Just a suggestion.

This is a quietly powerful start to a story. The actions—moving to the front door, setting down a duffle bag, studying Karen’s slow rocking deliberately not observing the anguish in the living room—subtly hint at some major angst and drama.

My best advice is just to tighten what you have here. The sentence “He was grateful that she was here and he doubted they could have reached this point without her unwavering support over the last few weeks” throws me off a bit; it feels like telling/exposition that tries to pull me away from the beautiful showing and subtlety of the piece. You might try breaking it up and combining the pieces with other sentences, something like: “. . . he studied Karen through the screen door, grateful that she was here.” and later, “He doubted they could have reached this point without her unwavering support over the last few weeks. Still, she was just as lost as the rest of them.”

You’ve got me curious, and, honestly, a little down, wondering what’s going on in the living room and why all these duffle bags are packed. I want to know more! Well done, and thank you for sharing!

Thank you so much, Alice, for your review and your suggestions are good ones. I wrote this about 13 years ago and gave up rather quickly on it. But, I saved it for a reason – I am hoping to one get return to it and make it a short story.

I am currently taking a more serious approach to my writing than I had back then. I am writing a suspense novel. From the critiques I’ve gotten from family and friends, it seems I am on the right track.

Thanks again for your comments. They are appreciated.

Eyes darting to and fro, hands rubbing, washing, always moving, Dr. Gerald Armenter was a very disturbed person. One year ago, he had not been like this. Armenter had stepped up to take charge of what was then called the Lost Tribe project. He was poised, confident: the epitome of self-assuredness. His group had just made contact with another intelligent race, so close to humans the differences were trivial. It proved the parallel development of two species. Now Armenter wanted the President to nuke the damn thing.

Gary, that was really well done. I got a picture in my head of what this species could be and then immediately became interested in why they need to be nuked. It gets the mind to wonder about possible conflicts, twists and turns immediately

I love how you tell of the good doctor’s fall from a confident man to a paranoid shell of what he once was. Sort of spooky, very interesting–I’d love to read more.

As I stumbled up the road, bones aching and muscles crying, I caught sight of something on the horizon and I squinted to make out what it was. When I dragged my feet a few more meters forward my eyes widened and my pace quickened. The shadow on the horizon was a town! My eyes closed and I imagined the feeling of fresh, cold water trickling down my throat and my tummy rumbled at the thought of food; the first it would have been given in days.

Reaching the outskirts of the town sent a shiver down my spine. There was no one around, no activity at all. The further into the small town I crept, the more signs there were of a hasty departure and my brain thought up a bunch of things that could have happened to make a whole town leave so quickly. It was then that my ears pricked up and I whipped my head around towards the sound. It was like nothing I’d ever heard of before, a kind a deep, guttural growl mixed with the raspy breath of someone who was suffering from an asthma attack. Another shiver made its way down my back and I turned forward again, hurrying towards what seemed to be a general store. As I looked through the contents of the shop my mouth salivated and my tummy growled like a beast and my hands shot out to grab the closest source of nutrition. There was another alien sound, this time behind me and I spun around. My jaw seemed to unhinge itself and my eyes grew to the size of saucers as I took in the sight in front of me. The beast was huge, bigger than any other mutated creature I’d come across in my previous adventures. It’s claws looked like they could fell a tree and the teeth, well I was imagining myself in very small pieces if I couldn’t wriggle my way out of this. Then I felt the excitement and adrenaline coursing through my veins, like a roaring sea caught up in storm, and I was once again thankful that the last thirty mutants I had come across weren’t any match for me. Let’s do this.

I’m new in the group. Thank you for a great article! I thought I’d try this paragraph:

3am. Elaine Paxton labors up a hill in Marseilles. Her head is bent with purpose. Her life is on the line. If Lucien ever found out. She must avoid witnesses. Taking a cab, even a bus, might attract attention. Lackluster, nondescript clothes camouflage her, a shadowy, moving extension of the walls she huddles against. Not that it matters. No one is around, not even le boulanger.

Facing the low-income housing complex, “Paradis de la Mer,” she thinks aloud, “Seaside Paradise?”…The only resemblances this place has to the sea are dampness and the smell of rotting fish. She scans the walls and shuttered windows, reaching for her flyers and some glue. Distraught, with frazzled nerves, her mouth is as dry as her need for justice. With no water, revenge will have to do.

I want to keep on reading! You did it!!!

Thank you, Mariana!

Just a question, aside from this text: can someone tell me how to add italics to the text? (the original Word document had italics, and they’re not showing here)…(I’m using a Macbook pro)…thank you!

Bracket the text with . and . Remove the periods. You can also replace em with i.

. Thank you

Thank you! There was a learning curve…but finally got it!

This was pretty intense, and I love the fact that you used the oh-so-scary third-person, present-tense narrative that so many writers are generally unwilling to try. I would love to read more!

Strong. I would go with Purpose bends her head ( some such other way of saying it). Ugh! the dreaded verb to be.

Thank you! It’s true I was trying to find a way to deal with “to be” and hadn’t found a good solution. How about: Purpose weighs and bends her neck…? Or: The weight of purpose bends her head…? Or: The yoke of purpose bends her head…?

any of those is better from my perspective

Thank you! I have another one: The burden of purpose bends her head… I think I’ll go with this!

I’m going wild, now! Just thought of another: Her head bends beneath purpose. Going to edit again…

This is definitely engaging, and gets me curious to read more—you’ve definitely picked a good place to start your story. I can feel the intensity of the moment, and I want to know what Elaine’s doing and why she has to sneak around—and why her life is on the line, to boot.

The last two sentences don’t quite work for me. “Distraught and frazzled” modifies the subject of the sentence, which here is “her mouth.” I suspect Elaine herself is distraught and frazzled, not just her mouth. And I wonder how a need for justice can feel “dry.” (On the flip side, “Her head is bent with purpose” doesn’t bother me; it’s good to avoid passive voice, but you don’t overuse it in this paragraph, so I don’t mind it in this sentence.)

Well done on an intriguing start to a story that makes me want to keep reading! And welcome—we’re very glad you’re here!

Thank you, Alice! This paragraph has already been re-written…but the last two sentences are still there, so I’m very grateful for your comment. The idea was that nervousness made her thirsty, and she thirsts for justice. I’ll have to figure out how to make that clearer!

I changed the last two lines: Thirsty, her mouth craves water, as she yearns for justice. She has neither, so revenge will have to do. Thanks again, if you have the time to look!

I like this paragraph and the descriptions. I can picture Elaine Paxton and connect with her feelings. Well done!

Michael stands in front of the house he shares with his girlfriend, Sally. It’s the last house on a dead end road. He was told at one time the road wound over the mountain to the next little town, but when the highway was built it got cut off. It’s a nice old house, with a low stone wall and lavender Rose of Sharon trees in the front. South side of the house was a flower garden, past the flower garden and the wall was old Mr. Stevenson’s house; empty since he had passed away. On the north side was the driveway and forest beyond that. On the back side the forest came almost right up to the house. Michael walked into the front door as Sally was getting ready for work as a waitress at the diner 5 miles down the highway. “I thought we talked about this, Sally.” said Michael “You said you were going to quit your job.” “No, Michael, you said I was gonna quit my job. I never said any such thing. Who do you think you are that you can tell me what to do?” “I’m your man.” yelled Michael “And when I tell you to do something you do it.” “Bullshit, I’m not that meek wife you were married to. I have my own mind and I will do what I want.” “That “meek wife” knew better than to disobey me. When I tell you to do something, you better do it.” “Disobey you?” said Sally “What do you think this is? The Middle Ages? I think you better leave Michael. I will not put up with that shit.” “Oh, you won’t?” said Michael. “No I won’t. And don’t give me that crap about not giving me anymore money. You don’t have any money, it’s all gone. You know it, and I know it.” “So, that’s it! All you wanted was the money I would get for my half of the house when I divorced Alex!” Then Michael looked at Sally and she was never so scared in her whole life. The anger in his eyes was terrifying. He started advancing toward Sally and she thought she was going to faint.

I’ve never done a writing prompt on here before, but here goes:

Chrystephone felt at peace here in the meadow of lush, green grass. A rainbow of wildflowers spread as far as she could see, filling the air with the refreshing scent of nature. Though she’d never physically been there before, she knew this place. It always happened here, and the dream almost always played out in the same exact way:

She would hear footsteps from behind—the sound of leather sandals brushing through the grass. When she turned toward around, she would see that they belonged a tall, beautiful woman with caramel-colored hair. The most frustrating part was that she could never really see her face clearly, as though she was looking at her through a foggy glass, like some distant memory she tried desperately to call back; but Chrystephone was sure she knew who this person was, beyond a shadow of doubt. As strange as it may sound, she could tell who the woman was by her scent: the same scent as the red sash she always had with her. This woman was her mother.

But of course, it was impossible. Papa had told her that she’d lost her mother not long after she was born, and she of course had no memory of her—that’s how she knew for sure that it was all a dream, sweet as it may have been…

This is great—your clear, powerful imagery immerses me in the scene from the start, so I feel like I’m standing with Chystephone in this beautiful, ethereal meadow.

I’m usually not a huge fan of dream sequences, but you’ve made this one brief and given it a mysterious twist at the end, which kept me engaged and propelled me forward to read the rest of the story. That said, I think there’s some wordiness and repetition in the second paragraph that could be tightened, especially in the third and fourth sentences—”Chrystephone was sure she knew who this person was, beyond a shadow of doubt. As strange as it may sound, she could tell who the woman was . . .”

It’s the third paragraph, though, that really makes me want to keep reading; you’ve set us up with a quiet, calm, and peaceful scene with an underlying mystery, and I want to know more. Well done, and thank you for sharing your writing with us!

Wow, thank you very much! I actually hadn’t realized that when I typed the second paragraph–I think I was mostly rushing, given the fifteen minutes I tried to write it in, and the fact that I was honestly too lazy to edit. I’ll keep that in mind, though. :3

For most of my life I questioned my existence- not the existence of man’s life, only my own. Why was I here? Did I serve a purpose? Where exactly should I be? More often than not these thoughts were accompanied with a case of beer or maybe a bottle or two of hard liquor. I was good at drinking, so good in fact that many now lost friends and estranged family members accused me of being an alcoholic. For years I’ve fought everyone but now, sitting here alone on the beach, I feel they may be right. Surely my education, wealth and expensive lifestyle made me okay I thought. But… maybe those things made my drinking worse. I squished my toes into the damp sand one last time, stood up and gathered my shoes and other belongings. In the distance I noticed a group of men and women celebrating some sort of occasion on a nearby pier. It was quite opposite of my melancholy demeanor. In an attempt to alleviate the tension of my thoughts I sighed loudly and dramatically, raising my arms toward the sky, possibly with the idea of petitioning for change. That’s when I saw it, a large orb breaking the Earth’s atmosphere and descending into the Pacific Ocean. It’s iridescent glow was both beautiful and frightening. I looked toward the celebratory crowd to gain their reaction. There was none. It seemed, from their lack of acknowledgement, nothing had really happened. Bewildered with this response, or lack of, I questioned my sanity. Was my sullen attitude now affecting what I saw? “Hey buddy,” said an unfamiliar voice, “nice night, huh? Anything exciting going on around here?” Did no one see what I saw? “Not much really,” I lied, wanting to keep any possible conversation at bay. “So, uh, you’re Evan right?” the stranger asked. “Yeah”, I answered slowly, puzzled. Though I usually can recall a face almost instantly, his escaped me. “Do I know you?” “No,” he responded with a smile, “But you will.”

To me, it was all going to go down in sixty seconds. I would have picked up the phone to call 911 but that would have taken twenty seconds just to dial it and then there would have been no more time left. I’ve wasted another five seconds thinking about it. Out of instinct, I grabbed for the bat. He was still on the ground, but I had to make sure he’d stay there. I whacked him on the head four times before he could even stand up. I assumed four was enough. Now I’m the one awaiting trial.

The package sat well obediently on the passenger seat. It was uninvited, as usual Aariel bored being it monday entered her cubicle to find her desk busy with a neatly packed package. A dash of excitement coursed through her vein watching the package there certainly it had to be a lovers gift. Like a starved teen she hurried to open it before she could do just that an envelope ended in her hand from her colleague Lyra mentioning her to be kind and place the delivery to some random guy name Raynold Dean. She had to be good but the package looked tempting right from the beginning. Was this for her boyfriend? She ran ample of questions in her head and the curiosity to open the package was working ten folds by now. Aariel kept reminding herself she was a good girl and did good things but it was still tempting. Giving in on her temptation she parked her car, tore open the package. It was beautiful, an Amethyst carefully conserved into tiny diamonds circling around it threading it into a angelic pendant with gold chain attached. Aariel was dazzled by it, she carefully picked it up and distinct lights emitted from it making her blind. Her view was blocked with strong lights of different color. She couldn’t see, for a minute she almost believed she had gone blind.

The soft but annoying tone pinballed through my ears. I hated it. But I couldn’t bring myself to put the phone down. The truth was that I just wanted to drown his last sentence with the monotonous beep that came out of the phone. “Not anymore.” I pressed the phone harder against my ear, trying to muffle it out. “Not anymore.” Streaks of salty tears ran down my cheeks. I started to imagine that the phone was howling because it felt bad for me.

The Parsim City Hospital was a white page, a paper model for the people that ran through it like worried inks. It showed off each person, each hairstyle, each parade of rainbowed clothes. It was all so clear, so bold, that the girl’s eyes ached. And yet there was a gap.

This is hard….this is hard…………

I never thought I would get this far, to be honest.

Didn’t think I would be standing in the hallway in my senior year, didn’t think I’d still be alive. But there I was, still pitching, still making decent grades. I mean, when seven people in your family die before they’re out of high school, you start thinking maybe you won’t make it too.

But there I was, March of my senior year, and for a couple of moments I had started to believe that I might make it.

But that was before today.

This is a strong and engaging start to what sounds like a great story. Your first line has me hooked from the very beginning, wondering where “this far” is and why “I” never thought they would get there.

You’ve included just enough exposition neatly without making it feel like telling or running too long. The voice of the narrator is so clear, and sounds like a person I want to keep reading about.

I’m torn about the last sentence. On the one hand, it’s definitely dramatic, and brings us up to speed, ready to dive into the story. But it also feels a little cliché. Making it more specific (not “before today,” but “before Timmy fell in the well” or something) might help. Or it might not; just something to think about.

You might also consider varying your sentence structure; three sentences start with “but.”

Overall, though, you’ve got me curious and engaged, wondering why so many people aren’t surviving their high school years, and ready to read more. Well done!

This is the opening to a story I wrote for a NaNoWriMo challenge (an embarrasingly long time ago)

Funny the things we remember,and when. Right before he was shot, Chris Vu thought about the day he saw his father wearing a blond wig and a dress. “You? You don’t have the nerve!” Probably not the smartest thing to say, practically goading somebody into firing, even if they weren’t planning to do so, but given the circumstances, he could probably be forgiven a lapse in judgement.

I love your first couple of sentences! The juxtaposition between a father in a wig versus someone being shot and the casual tone of the first sentence have me engaged from the start, anticipating a story I’ll thoroughly enjoy.

I’m not sure how the dialogue connects to the first paragraph; I don’t have a good image in my head of what’s going on. You might consider making that transition clearer, or at least making it very clear in the next few sentences where we are and what’s happening. The last sentence is a little long and wordy, but I LOVE the lighthearted tone.

I have no idea what’s coming, but I definitely want to read more. Who’s shooting Chris Vu, and why, and why do I want to laugh as I read about it? I hope you finished the story—and I hope that blond wig and dress made another appearance!

Alice, thanks for your comments. To be honest, I’ve added and deleted the lines after “blond wig and a dress” to set up the confrontation later on in the story. I’m torn between having him be shot and facing down an assailant with a gun, that’s why the dialogue references “You don’t have the nerve”. I get that you find the scene humorous, but it’s based on a true story, and is explained in the first chapter. My story contrasts the immigration ( always a hot topic) experiences of two boys, one Vietnamese and the other Mexican who become friends and take divergent paths as they grow up. Thanks again for your comments, I appreciate them.

Scott, thank you for sharing your larger vision for this piece. What you describe sounds like a powerful and worthy story.

From the short piece, I envisioned a happy ending, or perhaps the dark humor of something like Catch-22 . I consider it most helpful to you to give my honest response as a reader, and taken alone, this opening did make me smile. However, I suspect that my response would be different in the context you’ve now given, and the early smiles would make the later conflict more poignant.

If you were to tell this story with dark humor, I think you could do so successfully. If that’s not the case, however, I think this will still be an effective opening. I’d suggest keeping the tone in mind as you tell it—but I also suspect that’s worked itself out as you’ve written.

I hope my comments did not sound flippant or disrespectful in any way; if so, I sincerely apologize. I stand by my original statement that this sounds like the start of a story I’ll thoroughly enjoy, although perhaps in a different manner than I anticipated. Thank you very much for sharing this piece with us on The Write Practice.

Since I posted my paragraph all those chapters have been deleted. It wasn’t that many and it was also going no where. It felt wrong. so this is my new lead paragraph. “Alex, you have got to leave that man! I mean for heaven’s sake, look at your arms!” said Callie gesturing to Alex’s arms which were covered with inflamed red bumps. “You have never had hives in your life and now you have a panic attack and break out in hives at the thought of going home?! What the **** has that man been doing to you?!”

The team was back. All but one. One was never coming back.

Something whizzed over her head. She ducked just in time to avoid having her glasses knocked off. Its thrower waved in apology.

“Come on Ms Morgan, join the party!”

The team was back. That was cause for celebration, wasn’t it? Should she join them, and treasure this time of fun until they discovered the truth? Or should she tell them now, and ruin the party for everyone?

Shelby would know what to do. As much as Kendall doubted her abilities as a waitress, she had to admit that Shelby possessed a certain flair with social situations that she herself lacked.

The team was back. How could she tell them that one was never coming back? And yet, how could she not tell them? How could she not remember, every time she went into battle?

Kendall wished she could be someone else, anyone else. Even Shelby.

Shelby wished she could be someone else, anyone else. Even Ms Morgan.

Sure, her boss had several unpleasant qualities. Chief among them her inability to ever enjoy herself. Here they were at the biggest celebration they’d had in a year, the first time all eight of them were reunited. And what was Kendall doing? Standing at the edge of the room, arms folded, as the party unfolded around her.

But for all her flaws, Ms Morgan was decisive. Whether they were facing a new opponent in battle or Chase setting the oven on fire, Ms Morgan always seemed to know what to do. Now, if Ms Morgan had an overbearing father who was pushing her into business school, she would certainly know what to say.

Although maybe even Ms Morgan had her limits, given how she was doing absolutely nothing to stop Chase and Tyler’s budding test-tube-juggling competition. This could only end in –

“Argh! Sorry, Koda – you alright there, mate?”

Ms Morgan seemed to have awoken from her trance. There was that familiar dangerous gleam in her eyes as she strode towards Chase and Tyler.

Time to make herself scarce.

Half an hour later, the fragments of glass were mostly gone, but Shelby had a new problem on her mind. She approached Chase, who was shaking the last shards out of his broom.

“Something’s wrong with Ms Morgan.”

“You think? She docked me two weeks’ pay just for one little test tube!”

Perhaps this wasn’t the best way to start the conversation. “No, I mean – don’t you think she wasn’t as angry as usual?”

Chase didn’t look impressed. “She looked plenty angry to me.”

She’d approached Chase because he’d known Ms Morgan the longest, but she’d forgotten how childish he could sometimes be. She tried one more time.

“Could you stop feeling sorry for yourself for ten seconds and listen? You’re not the only one who’s an expert at annoying Ms Morgan. We both know exactly how angry she gets.” Turning up late for shift was three days’ cleaning duty. Pestering her to go on digs was a week of working shifts during lunch rush. Breaking a test tube in a juggling competition should have been a month’s pay and suspension of cell phone privileges, at the very least. “And that there, that was nothing.”

Chase snorted. “You think that was nothing, you’re welcome to swap your next paycheck with mine.”

“Forget it.” Chase was clearly too sore to see her point. But she could tell Kendall was going through the motions. Something else was on her mind.

Shelby glanced again at Ms Morgan. Her boss was never exactly outgoing, but tonight she seemed even more withdrawn than usual.

Here is my top contender for the opening of my current WIP. I’m not married to it, by any means….

“What’s it to you, Chink?” Rachel bellowed. “Chink is a derogatory term for a Chinese person,” Akiko said calmly. “My ancestors were Japanese. If you’re going to insult me, call me Jap. Or Nip, if you prefer.” Akiko couldn’t see Rachel, of course, but from her silence she guessed the girl was confused. Rachel wasn’t clever enough to actually be pondering Akiko’s words. “You don’t know that,” Rachel shrieked. “You don’t know anything. You can’t even remember your parents. Retard!” “Again,” Akiko asserted, stepping closer to the sound of Rachel’s voice and her unwashed scent, “use appropriate insults. Please.” “Retard! Blind retard!” Akiko could sense in her gut what Rachel would do next. She could sense it before the rustle of clothing and the slight but distinct force of moving air gave it away. Rachel was lashing out, with both hands in front of her, and although Akiko couldn’t see her, she knew Rachel was most likely trying to shove her with both hands. Akiko sidestepped quickly. She heard Rachel huff as she fell on the ground. She heard the snickers of the onlookers. “That was mean,” Rachel said. “Agreed,” said Akiko. “But I forgive you.”

One shot. Two shots. Three shots. Then he kicked him in the groin for good measure. “You killed Monte! Man, you killed Monte!” Theodore shouted at his cousin and fellow Villa Heights crew gang member. “I don’t give a shit. He called me a liar and quiet is kept. I ain’t no freakin’ liar, bet.” Jermaine said, taking Monte’s cash out of his jeans. “Let’s go, idiot.” They ran before the cops came and it was dark. The only witness was the ho down the block who liked to give bj’s for crack rock. He would give her a twenty-ten ten to shut the bleep up.

The murder was mentioned on the six o’clock news the next night. No witnesses, the cops were swarming the block for weeks then a new case took over. Monte’s parents wore black lives matter teeshirts. But since nobody saw a white cop do the shooting, nobody gave a damn. Another unsolved black on black crime in the heart of Chicago.

Through the broken car window I could hear the screams of people running away, but they were only echoes. They were drowned out by the deafening bang of the explosion resounding in my head. Of what had just happened, I knew three things: I knew that one moment Jaxon and I were driving to my parent’s charity gala, and the next we were speeding down the road in the opposite direction. I knew the gala was the target. My mom and I were speaking on the phone before the line went dead and the bomb went off. And I knew it was all my fault.

WOW! You have my full attention! You really reeled me in with “…speeding down the road in the opposite direction. I knew the gala was the target…before the line went dead.” And the last sentence sealed it for me. Now I want to read more!!

Of all my openings this I believe to be my personal favorite. It is simple, but has the bite of truth. I saw these two as I wrote.

She who must be obeyed nagged him. Miss Martha, his health care nurse, looked at George with determination in her eyes. “You need the walk. Besides, Charlie would want you to,” she said.

“Now that is not fair,” George answered, “using Charlie like that.”

“If it keeps your butt moving, Charlie wouldn’t mind, and you know it.” Both of them looked at each other and chuckled.

“S’pose you’re right,” George agreed, plopped his cap on his head and opened the door.

I love the opening line “She who must be obeyed nagged him.” It set a great start to the piece.

The doors burst open. A cloaked figure entered the chamber. From behind him armed men came. Clad in ringmail, they leveled their crossbows at the surprised occupants. “What is the meaning of this?” A man stood, clearly armed with more pride than sense. “Do you know who we are?” “Oh, I know you very well.” The cloaked figure said, removing his hood. He reveled in their surprise. “Kill them.” The thrum of bolts thrusting from the crossbows and piercing flesh filled the room. The man replaced his hood, then signaled the men to follow him. “The finale of my vengeance is about to begin.” he said. “Our noble queen shall be avenged.”

A handsome woman. Sarah would never though she’ll live so see the day. She’s glad she accepted her friend’s invitation to go to the gym. Sarah know her friend’s intentions. Checking out hot guys. She was never attracted to muscular men. Because she saw them everywhere and became bored with it. She tried seeing other types of men, but they don’t catch her interest. There was that time during high school when she dated a girl named Claire. But lost contact with her after high school. “Wait.” Sarah thought “she looks familiar.” when they locked eyes she knew. That’s Claire and she can’t wait to “catch up” with her.

When I look at from a macro level it is a good start. You set the scene and characters so that the reader could get comfortable with them.

But … coming back to micro, the constant fluctuation of tense is disconcerting. The first two sentences bounced from past to present to future in head twisting rapidity.

I don’t work well with a fifteen minute time limit.

I use the 15 minutes as a rule of thumb. I’ll write for 15 minutes, but I may take a few hours to edit.

Okay, thanks for the tip.

And don’t forget, you can always go back and edit.

I could only find some one liner or two…I’ll keep at it. Below are 2 “hooks?” **** We all heard the saying ‘Finders Keepers’. It’s a bonanza for the finder but in Joan’s case, she doesn’t want to be the keeper of that find. **** Today’s forecast will be sunny with a high of 80 Fahrenheit with some light showers in late evening…and death.

She didn’t mean to hurt the cat. She didn’t mean to… kill it.

It was a beautiful day. She spent the afternoon reading in her favorite tree out front. Its bent branches were easily climbable, and the gentle movement of the soft leaves soothed her. She could sit there for hours, letting the wind playfully tug at her hair. That’s what she was doing when she heard a soft buzz next to her ear. She ignored it until it grew loud enough to tear her eyes away from the enthralling story she held in her hands. She angrily swatted at the noisy offender, and the bug floated away in a different direction. Annoyed, she shifted her position and started to return her focus to her book. She eyes didn’t make it back down to the page. Startled, her breath caught in her throat. A cat was sitting on the branch in front of her, only a couple feet away. The sun shone through its dark coat, illuminating every hair. There was almost a halo of light around it. She hesitantly let her breath out, and slowly outstretched her hand. The cat cocked its head at her, contemplating. A strange feeling came over her. She desperately wanted the animal’s approval. Its umber eyes stared at her; judged her. She leaned forward to move her hand closer. The cat’s eyes narrowed into slits. It stepped away, back arched. It was giving her every warning sign, but she wasn’t paying attention. She had to touch it. She crawled onto the branch, ignoring the bark digging into her palms. Just a little closer… She stretched her arm out as far as it would go, inching her fingers closer and closer. Her fingers finally brushed up against the top of its head. She was so happy for a moment, then very, very afraid. It burned. She felt her hand burning and she could feel the cat burning and it was hot, so, so, so hot and then she was slipping and falling down, down, down, and there was pain in her back and then there was nothing.

Her parents didn’t understand what had happened. Her mother found her lying in the cool grass under the tree in their yard, a book lying next to her on one side, and the burned, blacked body of a cat on the other. Her dad said that is was a freak accident, that they must have been struck by lightening, that it had been a little cloudy that day, so it was the only explanation that made sense. Her mother accepted this as the truth. They were glad that she wasn’t hurt badly. Her back was a little sore but everything else was fine. Her hand was fine. She had felt it burn but it wasn’t burnt. The cat was not so lucky. It was gone now, taken away by animal services. She couldn’t get the image of its twisted black body out of her mind. Thinking about it made her mouth turn bitter. Somehow this was all her fault. She didn’t know how, but it was. It was no longer a beautiful day.

“Count down… My life has literally come down to a countdown right now. 7… 7 billion lives depend on my perfection; quiet literally. 6… 6 days I had to perfect my perfection. 5… 5 centuries of penance and apocalypse is what awaits if I fail. 4… 4 gods that I have to overthrow. 3… 3 best friends who stand by me against all odds. 2… 2 eyes watching me hopefully while his eyes change into most vibrant of colors in a matter of seconds. 1… 1 last step and 1 last chance to save humanity. 0…. (beep… beep…. beep ——–)……. Hi, I am Jane and this is the story of my battle for humanity and a battle that will never appear in any of the history books, but that which will determine whether I save seven billion lives and a very devastated God or not.”

Hi, Ishu Shankar, I’m intrigued by the points you’ve given of your story. Sounds awesome. It’s a book I want to read. Happy Writing.

I’m here…in the lifeless forest, laying on a blanket…I don’t even know if I’m dead or alive…The only thing I can think about is the way that you looked at me… Those eyes…Those hypnotizing eyes that I used to admire, are now the reason I’m here now, on this white blanket, drowning in my own blood…I still remember your last words: “Goodbye…Forever” you said smirking at me. What you did hurt me…not physical but emotional…I just want you to know that I don’t hate you! I still love you and I’ll always do…

Yesterday night, I had a little conversation with myself. I was telling myself, she has moved on. She is not with you. She doesn’t love you anymore. So, why do you think about her? Answer came, ‘because of love’. Then I asked,what is love? This time answer didn’t came,’just smile on face’. But I got all the answers with this smile. And I thought, if this is giving smile on my face, then how can I stop myself to think about her? How can I stop myself to love? And I got all the answers of ……. WHAT IS LOVE???

Please tell me what you think of this as a lead. Permits, maps, site inspections are all ways three past Mickey Leland Environmental Internship program interns now work to protect the Texas environment. MLEIP interns learn how the agency operates and protects our most precious natural resources: our land, air, and water.

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March 7, 2024

Writing an Essay Lead That Pops

How many times have you sampled the first few lines of a book and decided, “Nah, this isn’t for me”? Whether you picked the book up in a store or library, or downloaded free sample online, you probably made a pretty speedy decision about whether it would hold your interest.  

The human tendency to rush to judgment

Our extremely fast-paced world has trained us to make snap decisions throughout the day, and if, for example, we’re not hooked instantly by an article, book, movie trailer, or song, we’re just a click away from another, more appealing choice. We might move quickly away from someone at a party who begins to bore us and whom we lack the patience to listen to, for even another minute.

Because we have endless choices, we get choosier and choosier about what we’re willing to stick with. These rapid judgments might not be fair, but the “burden of overchoice” in our lives feeds our short attention spans.  

Admissions committee members are human. And the pressure of their job forces them to make very quick decisions about whose applications they will invest more time in and whose will merit only an obligatory but cursory review before being set aside as unworthy of serious consideration. 

Their reality is truly “so many applications, so little time,” which means that when you are applying to b-school , med school , grad school , or college , you have to capture your reader’s attention with the very first lines of your essay – before they are tempted to just give it that cursory read and move on to the next application. Your very first sentence cannot fall flat. It must reel them into your narrative. Every word counts.  

How to hook your essay readers from the beginning

This sounds like a lot of pressure, right? But this is a challenge you can meet successfully. Think of your lead as the beginning of a good fiction story: something is at stake here, something compelling and colorful, something with a punch. Let’s look at a few examples, and you’ll quickly get the point:

“Horns blare as tiny auto rickshaws and bicycle-powered school buses interweave at impossibly close range in the narrow streets of Old Delhi.”

“After a near disaster during my first week as a case manager at a community center for women and children, I discovered that to succeed in my job, I’d have to restrain my anger at how badly things were run in this place.” 

“My aunt’s cancer had already metastasized throughout her body by the time she was finally diagnosed correctly – too late for any effective treatment. At that moment, my interest in a career as a science researcher became much more personal.”

“From the age of seven, when I was struggling with simple math problems but acing my spelling tests and already writing simple stories, I knew I was meant to become a writer.”

Notice that three of these four sample leads are personal anecdotes. They offer no details about the writer’s GPA or technical facts about what they researched in the lab. The first lead is so colorful and dramatic that we instantly want to know more about the person who observed the scene. In every case, the lead begins a story that makes the reader sit up and say, “Ah! This is a dynamic person with a compelling voice!” 

Your goal is to write an essay that introduces you to the admissions committee and makes them want to get to know you better. You’re way ahead of the game when your essay introduction really shines.

Three components of a strong lead

A strong essay opener will include three key elements:

• The theme or agenda of your essay, offering the first few facts about who you are, what you are interested in doing with your life/career/studies, and/or important influences
• Creative details or descriptions
• Energetic writing that will keep the reader engaged through the rest of the essay

Good leads connect where you’ve been to where you’re going 

Let’s look at a few more engaging first lines:

• “It was absolutely pitch black outside when we had to silently leave our home and climb into the back of a truck, beginning our journey to freedom.”
• “Only six months after I launched my start-up, money was flowing… out the window.”
• “Finding a green, scratched 1960s Cadillac in a dump last summer was the moment I realized that mechanical engineering was for me.”

Wouldn’t you want to keep reading to learn the rest of these stories? I would! 

Many clients worry that these kinds of anecdotal introductions are too “soft,” too “personal,” or too “creative.” But the right vibrant anecdote can absolutely do the job of being creative, personal, and strong. A compelling lead draws your reader into your story and make them feel involved in your journey. Descriptive language can go a long way to spice up a straightforward story and help the reader follow you from where you began to where you are headed.

How to write a lead that pops

Now that you have read several great examples of attention-grabbing leads, your mind might already be busy generating ideas for your own essay introduction. Write them down. If you don’t have ideas just yet, though, that’s okay – give yourself some time to think. Make a list of turning-point moments in your life that relate to your educational or professional goals. As we have seen, these experiences can be drawn from anywhere: recent or older work experiences, your cultural or family background, or “aha!” moments. 

An electrical engineering applicant could describe the first time their rural home suddenly went dark and they realized they had found their professional calling. An MBA applicant might have had a very profound and meaningful experience offering basic financial guidance to a struggling working-class individual, prompting their goal of pursuing a career in the nonprofit sector. A law school applicant might have witnessed a courtroom scene during an internship that inspired them to pursue a certain type of law. The possibilities go on and on.

As you make your list of anecdotes, jot down as many small, precise details as you can about each memory or experience. Why was this moment important on your journey toward your dream career or school? How did you feel at that moment? How did it help shape you? What did it teach you? Were there any sensory details (sights, smells, tastes, touch) that were particularly relevant to those moments? 

Then, try starting your essay with the anecdote itself, inviting the reader to share your experience, and add color, personality, and voice.

At the beginning of this post, we pointed out how easy it is to make snap judgments (perhaps unfairly) about a book, article, film, or acquaintance you just met at a party, and to turn your attention away because you weren’t captivated instantly. We end this post asking you to think about all the times you began sampling a book or story and after the first few lines, you simply had to know what was going to happen next. You bought the book or read the story straight through. You want your essay to be one of those proverbial “page-turners” (even if it’s less than one page) that the admissions committee starts reading and can’t put down. You will have earned their full attention, straight through to the end. Once they’re hooked, you can take them anywhere you please.

Still need help finding that “hook” to open your essay? Our admissions pros will guide you to finding that perfect moment. They can help you plan and craft an application that will draw your readers in with a substantive narrative that will inspire them to place your application in the “admit” pile. 

By Judy Gruen, former Accepted admissions consultant. Judy holds a master’s in journalism from Northwestern University. She is also the co-author of Accepted’s first full-length book, MBA Admission for Smarties: The No-Nonsense Guide to Acceptance at Top Business Schools . Want an admissions expert help you get accepted? Click here to get in touch!

Related Resources:

• Five Fatal Flaws to Avoid in Your Grad School Statement of Purpose , a free guide
• Three Must-Have Elements of a Good Statement of Purpose
• Proving Character Traits in Your Essays 

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How to Write a Lead: 10 Do’s, 10 Don’ts, 10 Good Examples

• Written By Megan Krause
• Updated: November 15, 2023

What is lead writing?

It’s the opening hook that pulls you in to read a story. The lead should capture the essence of the who , what , when , where , why, and how  — but without giving away the entire show. A good lead is enticing. It beckons. It promises the reader their time will be well-spent and sets the tone and direction of the piece. All great content starts with a great lead.

Old-school reporting ace and author of ‘The Word: An Associated Press Guide to Good News Writing,’ Jack Cappon, rightly called lead writing “the agony of square one.” A lot if hinging on your lead. From it, readers will decide whether or not they’ll continue investing time and energy into your content or jump ship. And with our culture’s currently short attention spans and patience, if your content doesn’t hook people up front, they’ll bolt. The “back” button is just a thumb tap away.

So, let’s break down the types of leads, which ones you should be writing, and the top 10 do’s and don’ts. We’ll get you hooking customers in no time.

Two Types of Leads

There are two main types of leads and many, many variations thereof. These are:

The summary lead

Most often found in straight news reports, this is the trusty inverted-pyramid lead we learned about in Journalism 101. It sums up the situation succinctly, giving the reader the most important facts first. In this type of lead, you want to determine which aspect of the story — who, what, when, where, why, and how — is most important to the reader and present those facts.

An alleged virgin gave birth to a son in a barn just outside of Bethlehem last night. Claiming a celestial body guided them to the site, magi attending the birth say the boy will one day be king. Herod has not commented.

A creative or descriptive lead

This can be an anecdote, an observation, a quirky fact, or a funny story, among other things. Better suited to feature stories and blog posts, these leads are designed to pique readers’ curiosity and draw them into the story. If you go this route, make sure to provide broader detail and context in the few sentences following your lead. A creative lead is great — just don’t make your reader hunt for what the story’s about much after it.

Mary didn’t want to pay taxes anyway.

A note about the question lead.  A variation of the creative lead, the question lead is just what it sounds like: leading with a question. Most editors (myself included) don’t like this type of lead. It’s lazy writing. People are reading your content to get answers, not to be asked anything. It feels like a cop-out, like a writer couldn’t think of a compelling way to start the piece. Do you want to learn more about the recent virgin birth?  Well duh, that’s why I clicked in here in the first place.

Is there no exception?  Sure there is. If you can make your question lead provocative, go for it — Do you  think you have it bad? This lady just gave birth in a barn  — just know that this is accomplished rarely.

Which Type of Lead Should You Write?

This depends on a few factors. Ask yourself:

Who is your audience?

Tax attorneys looking for recent changes in the law don’t want to wade through your witty repartee about the IRS, just as millennials searching for craft beer recipes don’t want to read a technical discourse on the fermentation process. Tailor your words to those reading the post.

Where will this article be published?

Match the site’s tone and language. There are some things you can get away with on  Vice.com  that would be your demise on the  Chronicle of Higher Education .

What are you writing about?

Certain topics naturally lend themselves to creativity, while others beg for a “Just the facts, ma’am” presentation. Writing about aromatherapy for a yoga blog gives you a little more leeway than writing about investment tips for a retirement blog.

Lead Writing: Top 10 do’s

1. determine your hook..

Look at the 5 Ws and 1 H. Why are readers clicking on this content? What problem are they trying to solve? What’s new or different? Determine which aspects are most relevant and important, and lead with that.

2. Be clear and succinct.

Simple language is best. Mark Twain said it best: “Don’t use a five-dollar word when a fifty-cent word will do.”

3. Write in the active voice.

Use strong verbs and decided language. Compare “Dog bites man” to “A man was bitten by a dog” — the passive voice is timid and bland (for the record, Stephen King feels the same way).

4. Address the reader as “you.”

This is the writer’s equivalent to breaking the fourth wall in theatre, and while some editors will disagree with me on this one, we stand by it. People know you’re writing to them. Not only is it OK to address them as such, we think it helps create a personal connection with them.

5. Put attribution second.

What’s the nugget, the little gem you’re trying to impart? Put that information first, and then follow it up with who said it. The “according to” part is almost always secondary to what he or she actually said.

6. Go short and punchy.

Take my recent lead for  this Marketing Land post : “Freelance writers like working with me. Seriously, they do.” Short and sweet makes the reader want to know where you’re going with that.

7. If you’re stuck, find a relevant stat.

If you’re trying to be clever or punchy or brilliant, and it’s just not happening, search for an interesting stat related to your topic and lead with that. This is especially effective if the stat is unusual or unexpected, as in, “A whopping 80 percent of Americans are in debt.”

8. Or, start with a story.

If beginning with a stat or fact isn’t working for your lead, try leading with an anecdote instead. People absorb data, but they  feel  stories. Here’s an  example of an anecdotal lead that works great in a crime story: “It’s just after 11 p.m., and Houston police officer Al Leonard has his gun drawn as the elderly black man approaches the patrol car. The 9mm pistol is out of sight, pointing through the car door. Leonard rolls down his window and casually greets the man. ‘What can I do for you?'” You want to know what happens next, don’t you?

9. Borrow this literary tactic.

Every good story has these three elements : a hero we relate to, a challenge (or villain) we fear, and an ensuing struggle. Find these elements in the story you’re writing and lead with one of those.

10. When you’re staring at a blank screen.

Just start. Start writing anything. Start in the middle of your story. Once you begin, you can usually find your lead buried a few paragraphs down in this “get-going” copy. Your lead is in there — you just need to cut away the other stuff first.

Lead Writing: Top 10 don’ts

1. don’t make your readers work too hard..

Also known as “burying the lead,” this happens when you take too long to make your point. It’s fine to take a little creative license, but if readers can’t figure out relatively quickly what your article is about, they’ll bounce.

2. Don’t try to include too much.

Does your lead contain too many of the 5 Ws and H? Don’t try to jam everything in there — you’ll overwhelm the reader.

3. Don’t start sentences with “there is” or “there are” constructions.

It’s not wrong, but similar to our question lead, it’s lazy, boring writing.

4. Don’t be cliche.

We beg of you .

5. Don’t have any errors.

Include typos or grammatical errors, and it’s game over — you’ve lost the reader.

6. Don’t say anything is “right around the corner.”

Just trust us. We’ve seen it used way too much. “Valentine’s Day is right around the corner,” “The first day of school is right around the corner,” Mother’s Day sales are right around the corner” … Zzzz.  Boring .

7. Don’t make puns. Even ironically.

It’s an old example but it proves the point. From a Huffington Post story about a huge swastika found painted on the bottom of a swimming pool in Brazil: “Authorities did Nazi this coming.” Boo. Absolutely not. Don’t make the reader groan.

8. Don’t state the obvious.

Don’t tell readers what they already know. We call it “water is wet” writing. Some examples: “The internet provides an immense source of useful information.” “Today’s digital landscape is moving fast.” Really! You don’t say?

9. Don’t cite the dictionary.

“Merriam-Webster defines marketing as…” This is the close cousin of “water is wet” writing. It’s a better tactic for essay-writing middle-schoolers. Don’t do this.

10. Don’t imagine anything. You are not John Lennon.

“Imagine a world where everyone recycled,” “Imagine how good it must feel to save a life,” “Imagine receiving a $1,000 tip from your favorite customer on Christmas Eve.” Imagine we retired this hackneyed, worn-out lead.

10 Worthy Examples of Good Lead Writing

1. short and simple..

Edna Buchanan, the Pulitzer Prize-winning crime reporter for The Miami Herald, wrote a story about an ex-con named Gary Robinson. One drunken night in the ‘80s, Robinson stumbled into a Church’s Chicken, where he was told there was no fried chicken, only nuggets. He decked the woman at the counter, and in the ensuing melee, he was shot by a security guard. Buchanan’s lead:

Gary Robinson died hungry.

2. Ooh, tell me more.

A 2010 piece in the New York Times co-authored by Sabrina Tavernise and Dan Froschjune begins:

An ailing, middle-age construction worker from Colorado, on a self-proclaimed mission to help American troops, armed himself with a dagger, a pistol, a sword, Christian texts, hashish and night-vision goggles and headed to the lawless tribal areas near the border of Afghanistan and Pakistan to personally hunt down Osama bin Laden.

3. Meanwhile, at San Quentin.

From the 1992 story titled, “After Life of Violence Harris Goes Peacefully,” written by Sam Stanton for The Sacramento Bee:

In the end, Robert Alton Harris seemed determined to go peacefully, a trait that had eluded him in the 39 violent and abusive years he spent on earth.

Remember Olympic jerk Ryan Lochte, the American swimmer who lied to Brazilian authorities about being robbed at gunpoint while in Rio for 2016 games? Sally Jenkins’  story on Lochte  for The Washington Post begins:

Ryan Lochte is the dumbest bell that ever rang.

5. An oldie but man, what a goodie.

This beautiful lead is from Shirley Povich’s 1956 story in The Washington Post & Times Herald about a pitcher’s perfect game:

The million‑to‑one shot came in. Hell froze over. A month of Sundays hit the calendar. Don Larsen today pitched a no-­hit, no‑run, no‑man‑reach‑first game in a World Series.

6. Dialogue lead.

Diana Marcum wrote this  compelling lead for the Los Angeles Times , perfectly capturing the bleakness of the California drought in 2014:

The two fieldworkers scraped hoes over weeds that weren’t there. “Let us pretend we see many weeds,” Francisco Galvez told his friend Rafael. That way, maybe they’d get a full week’s work.

7. The staccato lead.

Ditto; we found this one in an online journalism quiz , but can’t track the source. It reads like the first scene of a movie script:

Midnight on the bridge… a scream… a shot… a splash… a second shot… a third shot. This morning, police recovered the bodies of Mr. and Mrs. R. E. Murphy, estranged couple, from the Snake River. A bullet wound was found in the temple of each.

8. Hey, that’s us.

Sure, we’ll include our own former Dear Megan column  railing against exclamation points:

This week’s question comes to us from one of my kids, who will remain nameless because neither wants to appear in a dorky grammar blog written by their uncool (but incredibly good-looking) mom. I will oblige this request for anonymity because, despite my repeated claims about how lucky they are to have me, apparently I ruin their lives on a semi-regular basis. Why add to their torment by naming them here? I have so many other ways I’d rather torment them.

9. The punch lead.

From numerous next-day reports following the Kennedy assassination:

The president is dead.

10. Near perfection.

Finally, this lead comes from a 1968 New York Times piece written by Mark Hawthorne. It was recently featured  in the writer’s obituary :

A 17-year-old boy chased his pet squirrel up a tree in Washington Square Park yesterday afternoon, touching off a series of incidents in which 22 persons were arrested and eight persons, including five policemen, were injured.

Time to Put That Lead Writing to Good Use

Alright, now that you’ve read this article, you’re going to be hooking readers left and right with captivating leads. What’s next? Well, if you want to showcase your new skills while working with top brands, join our Talent Network . We’ll match you with companies that fit your talent and expertise to take your career to the next level.

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How to Write a Good Lead: Crafting an Attention-Grabbing First Sentence

By Happy Sharer

Introduction

Writing a good lead is essential for engaging readers and drawing them into your story. A lead, also known as an introduction or a hook, is the opening paragraph of an article, blog post, book, or other written work. It sets the tone for the rest of the piece and gives readers an idea of what to expect. A well-crafted lead can be the difference between a reader continuing on to the rest of the article or losing interest and moving on.

In this article, we will explore what makes a good lead, analyze the best leads of professional publications, break down the anatomy of a good lead, discuss what makes an engaging lead, provide tips for writing an attention-grabbing lead, explore different types of leads, and offer examples of successful leads.

Analyzing the Best Leads of Professional Publications

When it comes to writing a great lead, one of the best places to start is by looking at examples of leads from professional publications. Examining the best leads of newspapers, magazines, and other publications can help you to understand what makes a lead successful. By studying these examples, you can learn how to craft an engaging lead that will draw in readers.

How to Find Examples of Good Leads

The first step in analyzing the best leads of professional publications is to find examples. There are several ways to do this. You can search online for articles that have been published in major news outlets or magazines. You can also look through physical copies of newspapers and magazines. Another option is to look through databases of archived articles, such as those found in libraries or academic institutions.

What Makes a Professional Lead Stand Out

Once you have gathered a selection of leads from professional publications, it’s time to examine what makes them stand out. Look for leads that grab your attention and make you want to read on. Pay attention to the structure, language, and tone of the leads and try to identify what elements make them particularly effective.

Breaking Down the Anatomy of a Good Lead

One of the key components of a successful lead is its structure. A good lead should be concise and to the point, while still providing enough information to give readers an idea of what the article is about. Additionally, it should be engaging and interesting enough to draw readers in and encourage them to keep reading.

Components of an Engaging Lead

When crafting a lead, there are certain key elements to consider. These include introducing the topic, providing some context, setting the scene, and establishing a tone. The lead should also be concise and direct, while still being engaging and interesting.

Crafting an Attention-Grabbing First Sentence

The most important part of a lead is the first sentence. This sentence should grab the reader’s attention and make them want to read on. To achieve this, the sentence should be concise and direct, while still conveying the main idea of the article. Additionally, it should be interesting and engaging, with a hint of mystery or curiosity to draw readers in.

Discussing What Makes an Engaging Lead

In addition to structure, there are other factors that contribute to making a lead engaging. One of the most important is curiosity. A good lead should leave readers wanting to know more. It should create a sense of anticipation, making readers curious to find out what happens next.

The Role of Curiosity in Writing a Good Lead

Curiosity is an essential element of a good lead. The lead should be intriguing and mysterious, leaving readers wanting to know more. It should set up questions that readers will want answered, while also providing enough information to give them an idea of what the article is about. Additionally, it should be engaging and interesting, with a unique angle or perspective.

Establishing Context and Setting the Scene

Another important factor in writing an engaging lead is establishing context and setting the scene. The lead should provide the reader with enough information to understand the topic and get a general idea of what the article is about. Additionally, it should provide a sense of place, giving readers a clear picture of where the story takes place.

Providing Tips for Writing an Attention-Grabbing Lead

Now that we’ve discussed the components of an engaging lead, let’s look at some tips for writing an attention-grabbing lead. Here are a few things to keep in mind when crafting a lead:

Using Short, Powerful Sentences

When writing a lead, it’s important to keep sentences short and to the point. Long, winding sentences can become confusing and may cause readers to lose interest. Instead, focus on writing concise, powerful sentences that convey the main ideas clearly and effectively.

Starting with a Question

Asking a question in the lead can be a great way to engage readers and draw them into the article. A good question should be intriguing and thought-provoking, while still being relevant to the topic. Additionally, it should be phrased in a way that encourages readers to answer it in their minds.

Making Use of Active Voice

Using active voice in the lead is another way to make it more engaging. Active voice makes sentences more direct and powerful, which can help to draw readers in. Additionally, it can make the lead more concise, as it eliminates unnecessary words and phrases.

Exploring Different Types of Leads

There are several different types of leads that you can use to draw readers in. Each type has its own benefits and drawbacks, so it’s important to choose the right one for your article. Here are some of the most common types of leads:

Question Leads

Question leads are a great way to engage readers and draw them into the article. They should be phrased in a way that encourages readers to think about the question and come up with their own answers. Additionally, they should be relevant to the topic and interesting enough to make readers want to read on.

Anecdotal Leads

Anecdotal leads are a great way to set the scene and introduce the topic. They should be brief and to the point, while still providing enough information to give readers an idea of what the article is about. Additionally, they should be interesting and engaging, with a hint of mystery or intrigue.

Quotation Leads

Quotation leads are another effective way to draw readers in. They should be relevant to the topic and interesting enough to make readers want to read on. Additionally, they should be brief and to the point, providing just enough information to give readers an idea of what the article is about.

Shock Value Leads

Shock value leads can be a great way to grab readers’ attention. They should be unexpected and provocative, while still being relevant to the topic. Additionally, they should be brief and to the point, providing just enough information to give readers an idea of what the article is about.

Offering Examples of Successful Leads

Now that we’ve explored the different types of leads and discussed what makes a good lead, let’s look at some examples of successful leads. Here are a few examples from professional publications:

Sample Leads from Professional Publications

“The sun was setting over the city, casting a golden glow over the streets below.” (The New York Times)

“It was the kind of night that made you wonder if anything would ever be the same again.” (The Washington Post)

“He had no idea what he was getting himself into.” (Time Magazine)

Examples of Unique and Interesting Leads

“She was running out of time, and she knew it.” (The Atlantic)

“The darkness was closing in, and he could feel it.” (Vanity Fair)

“He never expected he’d be here, at the end of the world.” (National Geographic)

Writing a good lead is essential for engaging readers and drawing them into your story. By analyzing the best leads of professional publications and breaking down the anatomy of a good lead, you can learn how to craft an engaging lead that will draw in readers. Additionally, understanding what makes an engaging lead and using tips for writing an attention-grabbing lead can help you to create a lead that will keep readers interested and encourage them to read on.

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Hi, I'm Happy Sharer and I love sharing interesting and useful knowledge with others. I have a passion for learning and enjoy explaining complex concepts in a simple way.

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How to Use Lead Sentences to Improve Your Essay Writing

What are lead sentences and how do you use them to improve your essay writing?

Hi, I’m Tutor Phil, and if you’ve ever watched some of my other videos or read my blog at TutorPhil.com, then you probably have a pretty good idea of how to start writing an essay. You start out with a thesis stated clearly.

And how is a lead sentence related to a thesis? Put simply, a lead sentence is a sentence that opens and summarizes an essay, a section of an essay, or a paragraph perfectly.

I’d like to give you three examples of lead sentences – one for an entire essay, one for a section, and one for a paragraph.

Let’s say your professor wants you to write an essay about a movie. And you pick the movie “Titanic.”

Example of a Lead Sentence that Opens an Essay

Your lead sentence for the essay about the movie could be something like:

“Titanic is a very sad movie because it focuses on a relationship that ends tragically.”

This is a perfect lead sentence for this essay. At the same time this is also a perfect thesis.

What makes it good? Two parts. First, you state what exactly your main point is – and it’s that the movie is very sad. And second, you state why you believe the movie is sad – because it focuses on a relationship that ends tragically.

This makes a perfect lead sentence for an entire essay.

Example of a Lead Sentence for a Section of an Essay

Now, what could be an interesting section of this essay? Remember – a section can contain many paragraphs. That’s why I differentiate between a section and a paragraph.

One section of the paper could focus just on the cinematography. And it could start with this lead sentence:

“Emotional ups and downs in the relationship between the main characters are masterfully conveyed through camera movement.”

And this entire section would be devoted to just that – camera movement that conveys emotions between the main characters.

Example of a Lead Sentence that Opens an Essay Paragraph

Now, let’s zoom in even further and ask ourselves – what could make an interesting paragraph in this section?

Well, one paragraph could be devoted to camera movement during a certain scene – for example, when the ship begins to sink. And our lead sentence could be:

“Camera movement in the final scene helps intensify the main characters’ anguish.”

Please note that in each case, whether the lead sentence opens the entire essay or just a paragraph, its job is to summarize the contents perfectly.

Lead sentences really help you focus on the subject matter of what comes after them because they force your brain to concentrate on the subject matter of the essay, the section, or the paragraph.

They also allow your reader to get a good idea of what’s to come in the paragraph.

This is the structure of a body paragraph with a lead sentence:

Here’s an example of a body paragraph with a lead sentence:

“Lead sentences are necessary in body paragraphs because they contain the main idea to be explained and illustrated in the paragraph. If the main idea is not clearly introduced, then the explanation lacks reference. In other words, the reader may follow the explanation without being clear on what this is an explanation of. To include examples or illustrations without providing a clear general idea first is also counterproductive. When the reader gets to an example, she may not understand what the example is supposed to illustrate without a general idea introduced in the lead sentence. For example, this paragraph is a perfect illustration of how to introduce a point in the beginning of a paragraph and support it with explanations and examples.”

Here’s a video of three examples of beautiful lead sentences and how they can vary in length and complexity:

How to Write a Thesis Statement – Tutorial with Examples

6 simple ways to improve sentence structure in your essays, essay writing for beginners: 6-step guide with examples, 10 solid essay writing tips to help you improve quickly, how to expand an essay – 4 tips to increase the word count.

Tutor Phil is an e-learning professional who helps adult learners finish their degrees by teaching them academic writing skills.

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How to Introduce Evidence: 41 Effective Phrases & Examples

Research requires us to scrutinize information and assess its credibility. Accordingly, when we think about various phenomena, we examine empirical data and craft detailed explanations justifying our interpretations. An essential component of constructing our research narratives is thus providing supporting evidence and examples.

The type of proof we provide can either bolster our claims or leave readers confused or skeptical of our analysis. Therefore, it’s crucial that we use appropriate, logical phrases that guide readers clearly from one idea to the next. In this article, we explain how evidence and examples should be introduced according to different contexts in academic writing and catalog effective language you can use to support your arguments, examples included.

When to Introduce Evidence and Examples in a Paper

Evidence and examples create the foundation upon which your claims can stand firm. Without proof, your arguments lack credibility and teeth. However, laundry listing evidence is as bad as failing to provide any materials or information that can substantiate your conclusions. Therefore, when you introduce examples, make sure to judiciously provide evidence when needed and use phrases that will appropriately and clearly explain how the proof supports your argument.

There are different types of claims and different types of evidence in writing. You should introduce and link your arguments to evidence when you

• state information that is not “common knowledge”;
• draw conclusions, make inferences, or suggest implications based on specific data;
• need to clarify a prior statement, and it would be more effectively done with an illustration;
• need to identify representative examples of a category;
• desire to distinguish concepts; and
• emphasize a point by highlighting a specific situation.

Introductory Phrases to Use and Their Contexts

To assist you with effectively supporting your statements, we have organized the introductory phrases below according to their function. This list is not exhaustive but will provide you with ideas of the types of phrases you can use.

Although any research author can make use of these helpful phrases and bolster their academic writing by entering them into their work, before submitting to a journal, it is a good idea to let a professional English editing service take a look to ensure that all terms and phrases make sense in the given research context. Wordvice offers paper editing , thesis editing , and dissertation editing services that help elevate your academic language and make your writing more compelling to journal authors and researchers alike.

For more examples of strong verbs for research writing , effective transition words for academic papers , or commonly confused words , head over to the Wordvice Academic Resources website.

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How To Write a Good Lead? Tips and Examples of Leads

• August 2, 2022 August 31, 2022

What is a lead, and why do you need one for your piece of writing?

A lead (sometimes pronounced as lede ) is the opening paragraph of a piece of writing that gives readers an overview of what the article or story will be about. A good lead will also  hook readers  in and make them want to keep reading. Humans are naturally curious , so why not use it to your advantage?

The main goal of a lead is to exploit readers’ curiosity by making them wonder what will happen next. You should give a “reading momentum” to your readers, which will push them to read further, and this is what a great lead makes.

Leads are typically used for news writing and journalistic writing. However, you can also use leads in essay writing as well, especially if your essay is relatively short.

So, let’s go deeper into lead writing and check out some tips and examples of good leads.

How long should a lead be?

The length of your lead should be directly proportional to the overall length of your piece. That means that if you’re writing a short article, it can be only one sentence . If your article is longer, you can write several sentences .

Ideally, your lead should be no more than one or two sentences for a short article and no more than three or four sentences for a longer piece.

Most common types of leads

In general, there are two major lead types: summary lead and creative lead .

Summary Lead (traditional lead)

This is the most traditional lead type, and it provides a summary of the article or a news story in as few words as possible.

As you can guess, the summary lead provides a quick summary by answering the 5 Ws: Who, What, When, Where, and Why . We will take a closer look at these elements below.

Creative Lead

A creative lead is typically used in feature or informal writing , and it’s designed to provoke curiosity or set the scene for the story. This can be done in many ways, but some of the most common ones include starting with a thought-provoking question, a quotation, or an anecdote to grab readers’ interest .

Writing Leads: Lead examples

1. the straight news lead.

This type of lead is often used for writing hard news stories and usually answers the five Ws: who, what, when, where, and why. It is often seen in newspaper writing.

Refers to the subject of the story.

Is the main point or event of the story.

Tells when the event happened or will happen.

Scene setting – where the event happened or will happen.

Provides the purpose or reason for the story

This is often referred to as the “just the facts” approach. It can be especially effective for breaking news stories where time is of the essence.

Hundreds of people are homeless after a fire ripped through a local apartment complex last night.

2. The Quotation Lead

You can start writing this lead by featuring a direct quotation from a person or people involved in the story. It is often used in human interest stories or stories about controversial topics.

“I’m disgusted with the way our government is handling this issue,” says John Doe, a local citizen.

3. The Anecdotal Lead

This type of lead tells a brief story or an anecdote related to the main topic of the article or essay. It is often used in human interest stories, as well as in stories about controversial topics.

When Jane Doe was sixteen, she never imagined that she would one day be homeless.

4. The Statistic Lead

This type of lead features a statistic related to the main topic of the article or essay. It is often used in stories about controversial topics or issues.

According to a recent study, nearly 60% of Americans are dissatisfied with the current state of the economy.

5. The Feature Lead

This type of lead is often used in feature stories, which are longer and more in-depth than hard news stories . Feature leads are usually more creative than straight news leads, and they often use literary devices such as similes or metaphors.

This story happened in the city that was a concrete jungle, a never-ending maze of gray and brown.

6. The Question Lead

This type of lead features a question related to the main topic of the article or essay. Questions can be effective in grabbing readers’ attention and making them want to find out the answer .

How many times have you seen a homeless person on the street and wondered what their story is?

7. One Word or Short Phrase Lead

This type of lead features a word or phrase, or short sentence , that is related to the main topic of the article or essay. This can be an effective way to start a story, especially if the word or phrase is interesting, thought-provoking, or unexpected.

“We all want what’s best for our children.”

This is a great lead-in to an article about parenting or education. It’s a universal truth that every parent wants what’s best for their child, so this lead sets up the rest of the article nicely.

8. Staccato Lead

Staccato is a musical term meaning “detached” or “unconnected.” In writing, it means to keep your sentences and thoughts short. This lead focuses on just one main idea per sentence. It’s a great way to add punchiness and vibrancy to your writing, but be careful not to overdo it , or your writing will sound choppy.

The city bustled with activity. People hurried to and fro. Cars honked their horns. No one had expected the tornado to hit so quickly.

9. Zinger Lead

A zinger is a rhetorical device used to make a sudden, sharp, or surprising statemen t. It’s often used for comic effect, but it can also be used to make a serious point. A zinger lead is a great way to grab your reader’s attention and get them hooked on your story.

I never thought I’d see the day when my dog would be arrested.

10. Delayed Identification Lead

The delayed identification lead, also known as the “mysterious stranger” lead, is a great way to add suspense and intrigue to your story. In this type of lead, you don’t identify the main character or subject of the story until later on. You can use a descriptive pronoun (such as “the man” or “the woman”) if you want to give your reader a hint about who the mystery person is and reveal his or her identity in a later paragraph .

The woman walked into the room and everyone fell silent. She had an aura of power about her, and it was clear that she was not to be messed with.

So as you can see, there are no limitations when it comes to writing a good lead. Just let your creativity flow and choose the lead type that fits your story best.

How to write a lead sentence – tips to keep in mind

• When writing your lead, be sure to use an active voice . This makes your writing sound more lively and engaging. Passive voice often sounds dull and boring.
• Use active verbs . This will also make your writing sound more lively and engaging.
• Active sentences are shorter and easier to read than passive sentences . This is important because you want your readers to actually read what you’ve written, not just skim over it.
• Be concise . Writing leads is all about getting to the point quickly. Don’t try to be too wordy, or you’ll lose your reader’s attention.
• Good leads should be attention-grabbing , but they shouldn’t give away too much. You want to leave your reader wanting more.
• Most readers will make up their minds about your article or essay within the first few sentences. People are lazy, and they rarely read post the first paragraph.

Now that you know all about leads, it’s time to put what you’ve learned into practice. Choose one of the lead types from the list above or invent your own lead type and use it to write a good story.

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What Is a Lead-in Statement?

Danny djeljosevic.

In writing, a lead-in statement is the opening of an essay or other piece of writing. This statement is part of the introductory paragraph and the first thing the audience reads and is thus meant to keep the reader’s attention.

Explore this article

An effective lead-in statement not only captures the reader’s attention, but also allows the writer to naturally segue into the topic of the paper. Typically, the lead-in statement will relate to the topic at hand.

There is no one way to write a lead-in statement. This opening sentence can be creative like an interesting anecdote, a surprising fact that the reader may not know or a relevant mention of a famous person. There are more conventional ways of writing a lead-in statement, such as writing a very brief history of the topic or simply stating what the paper is about.

Despite the number of options in writing a lead-in statement, there are several measures not to take in writing the opening. For example, opening with a definition from the dictionary may not effectively catch the reader’s attention. While stating the topic is a viable option, it is not recommended to state it as some variant of “The topic of this essay is...”

About the Author

Danny Djeljosevic is a freelance writer and blogger living in San Diego, Calif. He pursues a variety of interests including writing (blogs, prose, screenplays and comic books), criticism and filmmaking. Djeljosevic has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Florida.

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Good Lead Ins

By Team MeaningKosh

Lead-ins help focus the reader’s attention on the beginning of an article or passage. They provide detail, context and purpose regarding the material that will be read. Good lead-ins can also give a sense of anticipation that encourages readers to proceed further into the text.

Table Of Content:

• TYPES OF LEADS FOR ESSAYS (with examples)
• How to Write a Lead: 10 Dos, 10 Don'ts, 10 Good Examples
• Transition, Lead-in, Quote (TLQ) Using Quotes in Essays When you ...
• A good lead is everything — here's how to write one | NPR Training
• Writing Leads // Purdue Writing Lab
• How to Start Your Lesson- the Lead-in — TEFL Horizons
• Yearbook Lead Ins: How to Write a Student Story's Opening Paragraph
• Some Ideas for Using Lead-Ins in Your Classroom | EFL Magazine
• What is a good sales lead? - CBS News
• What are lead ins in writing? | EveryThingWhat.com

1. TYPES OF LEADS FOR ESSAYS (with examples)

https://www.neshaminy.org/cms/lib6/PA01000466/Centricity/Domain/439/Cp6%20-%20HANDOUT%20CNN%20Types%20of%20lead-ins.pdf sadness, mystery, fear, or any other emotion with a good lead. ... Objective: To help you understand / practice lead-ins and thesis statements.

2. How to Write a Lead: 10 Dos, 10 Don'ts, 10 Good Examples

3. Transition, Lead-in, Quote (TLQ) Using Quotes in Essays When you ...

https://cpb-us-e1.wpmucdn.com/cobblearning.net/dist/4/2969/files/2016/02/good-lead-in-words-2bn4a1w.pdf Transition, Lead-in, Quote (TLQ). Using Quotes in Essays. When you use quotes, you must first use a transitional phrase (such as “For example,…

4. A good lead is everything — here's how to write one | NPR Training

5. Writing Leads // Purdue Writing Lab

6. How to Start Your Lesson- the Lead-in — TEFL Horizons

7. Yearbook Lead Ins: How to Write a Student Story's Opening Paragraph

8. Some Ideas for Using Lead-Ins in Your Classroom | EFL Magazine

9. What is a good sales lead? - CBS News

10. What are lead ins in writing? | EveryThingWhat.com

https://everythingwhat.com/what-are-lead-ins-in-writing Feb 11, 2022 ... What are lead ins in writing? · Begin with one or more questions that grab the reader's attention. · Begin with a startling statistic (number ...

What Is A Lead-In?

A lead-in is a statement or paragraph at the beginning of a document, article or piece of writing that introduces content and provides context for a reader. It serves to draw them in and set up what comes next.

What Makes A Good Lead-In?

A good lead in should provide relevant details, set expectations for what will come and explain why it is important in some way. It should also be written so as to capture the reader's interest and encourage them to keep reading.

How Can A Lead Be Used To Focus Reader’s Attention?

Lead-ins can be used to focus reader’s attention by providing contextual information about the topics discussed in an article or passage and creating anticipation of what is yet to come. By doing this, they help readers stay engaged and interested while they go through the text.

How Many Sentences Should A Lead In Be?

The length of a lead in depends on how much context you need to provide for your readers but generally one or two short sentences are enough to get started.

Are Lead Ins Important For Writing?

Yes, lead ins are very important when it comes to writing as they provide context, create interest and set expectations for what will follow in an article or passage. Without them, readers may lose interest quickly before they even reach the main points which you've written about.

Conclusion: Overall, good lead ins are essential when it comes to writing documents and articles as they help guide readers through texts while keeping them engaged with their content. They need not be long or complex but should aim to communicate all necessary information within just one or two sentences.

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Lead-Ins in Your Classroom – Some Practical Ideas

• By Ethan Mansur

Some Ideas for Using Lead-Ins in Your Classroom

Do you ever create your own lead-ins?

Open most coursebooks and you will notice that new sections often start with one or two questions related to the topic of the lesson. For example:

What kinds of activities work well as lead-ins?

This is by no means a bad way to start a lesson, but, as we all know, there are myriad other ways to raise students’ interest in a topic and activate their prior knowledge of it. The problem is that most of these other types of lead-in don’t fit comfortably in a coursebook, where the majority of the page has to be left for the “meat” of the lesson, i.e. the tasks or exercises supporting the main learning outcomes. 

This article starts with a list of tried and true ideas for lead-ins. These could either be used as an alternative way of leading into a lesson from a coursebook or as a lead-in for materials that teachers have prepared themselves. Later on, we’ll look at some best practices for lead-ins.

Apart from space limitations, this has probably become the default way for coursebook writers to start lessons because questions do tend to work quite well. Here are a few ideas for starting with questions:

• Put up five or six questions and have students choose two they’d like to discuss. This helps avoid the problem of students having little or nothing to say about the topic.
• Dictate the questions. Then project them on the board so students can check themselves. If you don’t have access to technology, elicit them to the board.
• Add an extra challenge by leaving gaps in the questions, e.g. What do you do ___ the weekend? Or ask students to form the questions themselves, e.g. What/do/weekend?

Brainstorms

Brainstorms are useful because they can provide the teacher with a good idea of how familiar students are with a particular lexical field. For a skills lesson, they can function as a sort of prediction task. Here are a few ideas for starting with brainstorms:

• Gamification : the winner is the group to write down the most words in a set time limit; lists can also be compared and any items in common crossed out, the winner being the group with the most remaining items. 
• Instead of making a list, students organize their brainstorm into a mind map. For a brainstorm about food, say, you could get them started by eliciting a few subcategories, e.g. seafood, fruit, vegetables, etc.
• A ranking activity is easily added to a brainstorm, e.g. Which three of the foods do you think we should all eat more of? Why? Students must negotiate with their classmates until everyone agrees.

The idea is to board a number of words related to the topic of the lesson. Here are a few ideas for starting a lesson with words:

• Students find and discuss connections between the words from the lesson.
• Start with 10 words related to a particular lexical field. Students decide on categories and make a mind map. Then they add 10 more words of their own.
• Pre-teach difficult lexis by asking students to research the meanings of a small number of words in monolingual dictionaries. They then predict what the text will be about.

The test of a really good picture is that you look at it and it asks you questions, such as this copyright free one from www.eltpics.com :

Here are a few ideas for starting a lesson with images :

• Put up one or more images and get students to speculate about the topic of the lesson. Make sure it’s not too obvious.
• Show a picture of a person in a particular situation. Ask the students how they would feel if they were that person. What would they do in that situation?
• Put up an image and pull out as much relevant vocabulary as possible.

Realia for lead-ins

It’s worthwhile sometimes to do something completely unexpected to get your students’ attention and arouse their curiosity, whether you are working with adults or young learners. This effect can be created by bringing in something that would normally never be found in a language classroom, for instance, a tornado in a jar for a lesson related to weather: 

Here are a few ideas for starting a lesson with realia:

• Students discuss in pairs questions like “What is it? What is it used for? Where do you normally find it?” Etc.
• If small enough, hide the object somehow—in a bag, for example. Get students to listen to it, touch it, smell it, etc. before revealing what it is.
• You or the students act out a brief scene involving the object.

The purpose of a lead-in, on the other hand, should be clear to both the students and teacher

A few thoughts on lead-ins

It’s worth taking a minute to distinguish lead-ins from warmers , which are quick, fun activities to “wake up” your class at the beginning of the lesson. In contrast, lead-ins are relevant and connected to the themes of the lesson. As Houston and Starck (2019) point out, with a warmer, students may sometimes wonder, “Why are we doing this?”

The purpose of a lead-in, on the other hand, should be clear to both the students and teacher. I must admit that I share the same general scepticism of warmers expressed by Suan Chong (2016), who argues that many warmers could be turned into proper lead-ins with a bit more thought and imagination. While some teachers might find warmers essential for certain groups, such as shy YLs or teens, it does seem better if the fun, engaging activity you do at the beginning of the class can at the same time mobilize enthusiasm and motivation for the topic of the lesson.

Make the lesson interesting

Apart from being relevant, good lead-ins are also simple and short. Otherwise, there is the risk of them becoming full-fledged tasks. While doing teacher observations, one thing I’ve noticed is that sometimes teachers’ lead-ins are too good, in the sense that they are so interesting that it’s hard to stop talking about them and move on to the “meat” of the lesson plan. I’ve seen many a sensibly planned lesson devoured from the feet up by an out-of-control lead-in. Keep lead-ins under five minutes whenever possible. It can be hard, but sometimes we teachers have to step in and end the fun, or cut short an interesting conversation, to make sure we have time to meet our lesson aims.

one thing I’ve noticed is that sometimes teachers’ lead-ins are too good, in the sense that they are so interesting that it’s hard to stop talking about them

Plan your lead in last

You’ll notice that all of the lead-ins described above require little or no preparation. This is also important. In terms of learning outcomes, the lead-in is not the most important part of a lesson, so it’s not something you should spend a lot of time preparing. In fact, when you sit down to plan, resist the urge to think about how to start your lesson until you have planned the main components, i.e. the activities involving the target skill or language point for that day’s lesson. Try planning the lead-in last. When you can visualize the whole lesson, you are often able to strike a few notes at the beginning that you can circle back to later. It also helps you avoid sinking an unreasonable amount of time planning your lead-in, when you could better use that time thinking about more important stages of the lesson.

On the advice of a friend, I went looking for a quotation to end this article. I found a number of good ones, including:

“Getting started is the most difficult thing to do; once you file it out, the rest of the journey is as soft as the straw. Be a good beginner.” Israelmore Ayivor  

“Starting is not most people’s problem, staying, continuing and finishing is.”  Darren Hardy

“The end is in the beginning and lies far ahead.” Ralph Ellison

And it made me realize that I had forgotten to mention that a few good quotations, especially if one is slightly in contrast with another, can also make a great lead-in!

Houston, H. & Starck, A. (2019) “Small teaching: predicting” Modern English Teacher , 28 (1)

Suan Chong, C. (2016, August) “Warmers, fillers, what on Earth?” English Teaching Professional . https://www.etprofessional.com/warmers-fillers-what-on-earth

Related Topics

• Coursebooks
• Gamification
• Lesson Plan
• Observation

Ethan Mansur

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