ideal girl essay

An Ideal Woman in the Contemporary Society Essay

An ideal woman in the contemporary society is successful in her career, and family life. The ideal woman is able to work and take care of her family for instance, she can clean, cook meals, take care of children and her husband.

However, the reality on the ground is different because the modern career woman cannot do all the home tasks alone. She has to delegate duties such as taking care of the children to others. Moreover, the ideal woman is expected to embody the role of a well-rounded woman who can manage her career and family well. The society scrutinizes her dressing, weight and beauty.

Men and women are equal in God’s eye, but they are not equal in the eyes of the society. A woman is expected to be competitive in her career, but she is criticized for neglecting her family and delegating her roles to helpers. On the other hand, if she decides to remain at home and attend to her family she is criticized for being traditional. Furthermore, many companies pay women less for equal amount of work than men.

Therefore, we cannot say women and men are equal. Nonetheless, women have gained more rights such as voting and that is a positive achievement. Moreover, women are portrayed in subservient roles to men in advertisements in the media. Thus, the relationship between men and women is asymmetrical. Therefore, women and men are not equal.

Women and men should be paid equally at the workplace especially if they have the same qualifications. Pay should be determined on merit and not on gender to bring about equality between men and women.

Today’s women have more freedoms and choices hence they are leading fulfilling lives. They have an opportunity to pursue their careers and have families. Fortunately, with the support of their spouses or family members women can run their careers. On the contrary, there are some women who are not living fulfilling lives as they try to live up to the expectations of an ideal woman hence experiencing stress or even depression.

Women face various challenges in the workplace, education and in relationships today. They are paid less than their male counterparts in spite of the advances they have made in the workplace. Women are prone to more stress as they try to balance work and family than men.

Furthermore, the issue of glass ceiling is still a major problem and many women are not able to rise to the top management levels in companies as they encounter many obstacles. Besides, women face challenges in school because many are locked out of male dominated courses. Some women are denied access to education especially in societies that prefer males.

The lucky women progress, but they may not reach their goals because of obstacles on their way. Women encounter sexual harassment in educational institutions. For some their education is disrupted and those who become pregnant risk losing the opportunity to continue their education after giving birth. Apart from the challenges in education, women face difficulties in their relationships. Some are not very lucky and face violence in their relationships.

The men in their lives may abuse them physically, emotionally and verbally. The abuse may leave the women seriously hurt. The other challenge women face in relationships is balancing between work and their relationship. The men may feel neglected and put pressure on the women to give them attention and that may be hard for the women as they have school or careers in addition.

Women have a choice of empowering themselves to compete with men. They should not shy away from careers perceived as male only. They should also advance their careers as the society allows them. The society has relaxed its strict restrictions on women and with the freedoms earned women can use them to advance their causes for the betterment of the society.

The women movement is still there, but it is not strong as it was in the earlier years. Feminism has attained a negative connotation and women are seen as fighting men. Feminism today looks like a woman who is able to juggle her career and family without having to subscribe to the traditional form of feminism.

I am a feminist; I want to see women get paid equal to men. I want women to be free and enjoy being women without having to work so hard to fit into the ideal image of a modern woman. Women should have equal opportunities as men.

Finally, society cannot be equal, free and productive as long as women are not free to participate. It is important to give men and women an equal opportunity to participate in developing the society.

Both men and women should be given support to function and thrive in the society without neglecting either gender. It is imperative to remember that men and women have different roles to fulfill in society and none can do without the other. Thus, they must be allowed to coexist equally in the society.

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IvyPanda. (2023, October 30). An Ideal Woman in the Contemporary Society. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-woman/

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IvyPanda . 2023. "An Ideal Woman in the Contemporary Society." October 30, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-woman/.

1. IvyPanda . "An Ideal Woman in the Contemporary Society." October 30, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-woman/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "An Ideal Woman in the Contemporary Society." October 30, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-woman/.

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What is a girl? What is girlhood? The answers to these questions are not as straightforward as they might first appear. The word girl appeared in the Middle Age more than 700 years ago. At that time it was written as “gyrle,” meaning a child or a young person of either sex. Since then, the word has taken many forms such as “girle,” “gerle,” and “gurl.” During the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries, the word girl started to refer specifically to a female child, or a young, unmarried woman. From the 1640s, “girl” could also mean “sweetheart.” Stemmed from the word “girl,” girlhood as a word appeared later in the mid-eighteenth century. Since the beginning, it was coined with the reference to the state of being a girl or the childhood of a girl. 

Then, what exactly is the state of being a girl? How do we define it? Definitions of girlhood change and vary widely than ever in nowadays society. We often think of age as the key determinant of girlhood, but even this is more complicated than one might think. When does girlhood end? Does it end with adolescence? When one turns eighteen? Does girlhood extend even until one is in their mid-twenties? Part of what makes defining girlhood so challenging is that age is not the only factor that defines girlhood. It is also a social and cultural construct, meaning that different societies often construct their own unique meaning of girlhood. 

In this exhibit, we worked with girl studies scholars and self-identified girls/women to explore various historical and modern definitions of girlhood. We also look at case studies, particularly from Asia, that are both stereotypically and subversively girl. We  chose to let contributors speak for themselves – our text is minimal and limited to introducing each section.

As you explore, ask yourself: Do you agree with how someone else defines “girl” or “girlhood?” What about your own experiences is similar to or different from experiences found throughout our museum? If you had to be interviewed like this, what would you say?

Education Guide

Use this education guide to interact with the exhibit, gain a deeper understanding of diverse girlhoods, and think about the meaning of gender identities today.  Activities in this guide are aligned to U.S. and/or U.K. educational standards. They are designed to be used by students and teachers as school lessons or enrichment opportunities.

Historically “Girl”

Different conceptions of girlhood have been constructed and changed over time and across cultures. In many cases, definitions of girlhood reflect the shifting political and cultural needs of societies. For example, at the end of the nineteenth century, Egyptian girlhood was often defined by other milestones, like first menstruation or marriage, not just a girl’s age. In early twentieth-century Europe the period of girlhood became longer, as more girls had more access to education. Even now, it becomes more difficult to draw a sharp distinction between girlhood and adulthood, in large part because girls are involved in seemingly adult experiences across the globe, from labor to sex work.

Since each culture has their own definition of girlhood, it is impossible to lump all kinds of girlhood into one definition. We highlighted key examples of both historical and contemporary definitions of girlhood across different time periods and regions for our audience to explore. As illustrated by these diverse definitions, it is clear that, in the midst of social pressures and constraints, girls are constantly developing their own culture to challenge and redefine the concept of girlhood and empower themselves. 

Ancient Greece

Confucian china.

Han Dynasty (202 BC – 220 AD)

Compared with other later dynasties in China, Han girls were relatively free in public life. Girls were welcome to engage in industries such as business, medicine, divination, and performance. Girls from royal families also could be conferred a rank of nobility. For example, Emperor Guangwu once conferred his three granddaughters as “Little State Sovereigns”. However, the Han Dynasty also witnessed that Confucianism affected the cultural construct of girlhood when Confucian moral values, which ​demanded girls to be chaste and obedient, gradually became the mainstream of society.

Ever since Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty who chose Confucianism as the mainstream philosophy of China, Confucianism-led education began to invade the construct of girlhood. The right to public education became no longer available to girls, and they could only receive family education. Confucianism advocates the idea that women as homemakers are inferior to men who are breadwinner. Therefore, the goal of female education was to instruct a girl to put her heart and soul into supporting the intellectual and professional development of their male relatives-their fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons.

In Western Han Dynasty, Lie Nu Zhuan, a collective biography of female historical figures, introduced girl readers to six types of virtues. Being loving, thoughtful, and chaste were among the most important virtues that girls were expected to possess. Another classic reading for girls was Nv Jie, written by Ban Zhao, a female scholar in the Eastern Han Dynasty. She believed that women should give priority to assisting their husbands. Girlhood became a site to instill the ideology of proper female behaviors, and these values ​​reincarnated into countless moral books and stories for girls of future generations.

Girl Apprentices

Medieval and Early Modern Europe

Girls started working as apprentices at craft workshops at the age of 10 or 11 in many medieval European towns. Especially for girls from poor families, it was typical to leave their parents and home at such an early age to look for employment. When a girl left home for work, she was also breaking the parental control that she had in the domestic space as a young girl. Loosened adult control and increased income often introduced the girl into the transition from girlhood to her adulthood.

However, girl apprentices rarely acquired complete economic independence, or fully transitioned to adulthood in reality. They remained with a special role in the world of work: girl apprentices were seen as labor with ability to learn and provide, meanwhile they were also treated as children who required adult control. For example, in Ireland, girls working in mills and factories usually got a small portion of their wage. The rest of their wage would be directly paid to their families.

Enslaved Girls

16th to 19th century Americas and Europe

In the American South in the decades before the Civil War, there were around one million enslaved girls under the age of 16. Their girlhood was a unique construction where race, age, and gender under slavery had an intertwined influnced on their everyday lives.

In her autobiography, The History of Mary Prince , British abolitionist Mary Prince talked about the hardships that she, as a young enslaved girl, suffered and the brutalities of enslavement. Enslaved girls received harsh punishments similar to those carried out to adults. If they made a mistake when working in cotton or tobacco plantations, they could be whipped brutally. Another mistreatment they frequently faced was sexual exploitation. These abuses, like Mary Prince said, were both physically and emotionally tormenting.

Escaping slavery was of course very difficult, and compared to enslaved boys, enslaved girls had even fewer opportunities to attain freedom. Instead, they learned to fake illness or work slowly to show their resistance. Stories and games also became a way for young people to resist their enslavement. Younger enslaved girls sometimes transformed old games by adding transgressive messages into them. For example, a jumping rope song from enslaved girls went, “My old mistress promised me/Before she dies she would set me free/Now she’s dead and gone to hell/I hope the devil will burn her well.”

Pre-19th century

Before the nineteenth century, girls in India, similar to girls in other parts of the world, were expected to learn and take on housework at an early age. Home school was a popular choice, and the learning content often centered mostly on domestic tasks rather than vocational skills. The definitive moment that marked the end of girlhood was not landing a job or finishing schooling. Rather, most of the time it was marriage that ended girlhood. 

Although the beginning of girls’ puberty was the ostensible milestone of girls’ eligibility to enter into marriage, child marriage was a common phenomenon before 16th century. Rig Veda , the oldest and most important of Hindu holy texts, was cited in a number of nineteenth-century texts. These texts documented that child marriage occurred and intensified with scriptural exhortations’ endorsement of pre-puberty marriage. 

In the 20th century, increased female legal age for marriage successfully expanded the length of girlhood in India. In 2006, the government of India prohibited child marriage. Girls in India are having more control over their own bodies and lives. The rate of child marriage plummeted since then,  but child marriage still exist – there are more underage brides (under 18 years old) in India than any other countries in the world.

Student Girls

18th and 19th century Europe

Should young girls learn to read? This question would generate little controversy today, but it provoked strong debates and negative reactions in Europe before the 18 th and 19 th centuries.

Young girls had access to books in many European countries in the 18th century, especially in the Netherlands, Germany, and England. While some “literary ladies,” or women authors of pedagogical books, and other educationalists encouraged young girls to read and develop their own intellectual interests, this “female curiosity” was regarded as dangerous by many authors in the 19 th century. Even for girls who wanted to read, the options were not very abundant: most books available for girl readers were advice books. 

Instead of reading and developing their intellectual interests, girls were instead encouraged to learn domestic skills. Young girls in middle- and upper-class families usually had the chance to study various academic subjects with tutors and governesses, but this education was simply meant to prepare girls for marriage.  The goal of education was to create the ideal girl who, according to the authors of advice books, would be a delightful and informed companion for her husband. 

Black Girls in Jim Crow South

Late 19th and 20th century

What was it like to grow up as a Southern Black girl under Jim Crow laws that legalized racial segregations in the Southern United States? Witnessing state-sponsored racism and white supremacy, Black girls came to develop and understand their identity under several interwinted forces: gender, race, place, and justice. 

Southern Black girls in this period were seen constantly negotiating two main influences. One was the racialized violence from Jim Crow South. Black girls often found themselves unable to protect their bodies from the violence of white men. At the same time, Black girls were told to be pure, virtuous, and dignified as a way to gain respectability. Black girls’ constant negotiation was revealed in their girlhood. For example, they were not expected to show rebelliousness as an adolescent girl. Instead, they had to learn to be respectable, protect their puriness, and defend themselves against racial violence. Growing up in Jim Crow South, many black girls were motivated to fight for their rights to their own bodies and agency. 

Girls and White Slavery

Pre-World War I in Europe and North America

In the Victorian and Edwardian period, important keywords of girlhood were purity and self-sacrifice. Girlhood was frequently associated with the color white and flowers like lilies and snowdrops. However, the development of suffrage movements in the 20th century (check out our “young suffragettes” exhibition to learn more!) challenged traditional ideas of girls as innocent and angelic. 

Guardians of this “pure, innocent girlhood”, often together with anti-suffragists, insisted on illustrating girlhood as a period where young girls needed male’s protection. They alleged that girls were at the risk of falling prey of white slavers who would force them into prostitution, human trafficking, and sexual salvery. This public anxiety on girls’ safety spread in the UK, Europe, and North America. Girls were often told to be alert to the dangers of being kidnapped by white slavers. 

For feminists, this idea of white slavery deprived young women of their agency. Feminists’ anger over the sexual oppression behind white slavery stories and a desire to remedy it was one factor motivating women to obtain vote. The Western concept of girlhood in this period was thus full of contradictions and shaped different political interests and claims.  Scholars’ studies have shown that most of these stories about white slavery were rumors, but the image of girls as sexual victims endures even to the present day. 

“It” Girl

Early 20th Century

Since the 1980s, “It” girl has been perceived as an attractive girl who flaunts her sex allure and strongly associated with celebrity, fame, and beauty. The earlier definition of an “It” girl in the early 20 th century was different. “It” girl then referred to a girl who achieved popularity and fame, but without advertising her sexuality.

The first and original “It Girl” was one of the most successful and popular silent film stars, Clara Bow. With her big eyes and babyface, Clara quickly won the love of America. For the audience, what was more engaging than her physical beauty on the screen was her non-traditional personality. She was cheerful, breezy, confident and lively. Her hit changed the previous perception of girls and girlhood: the public became not only more accustomed to modern young women having active career development outside home, but also comfortable with the increased diversity of girls’ sexual expressions. Meanwhile, early debates on girls’ acquiring sexual knowledge were also going to start.

Flappers & Ms. Modern

Between the period of the First and Second World Wars, girlhood became a site where social debates on young women’s appearance, habits, and sexualities took place. “Miss Modern”, a girl who was determined to cast  aside conventional ideas of femininity, went on the stage.

While cutting hair was seen as incredibly offensive to the established values about girlhood and femininity in the Victorian and Edwardian era, Miss Modern enthusiastically took short hair into fashion trends. They also generously brought cheap cosmetics and giddy clothes back to their home. They consumed cigarettes, music, and alcohol. They went dancing, singing, also biking and camping. They were also called flappers. Their habits – especially seeking sexual pleasure – somehow fed the imagination of the public. In turn, they were portrayed as man-hungry girls with “easy virtue”.

Through the 1920s, girl workers also occupied a large amount of newspaper coverage when they entered into new professions such as aviators and engineers. Young women, by challenging the male-dominant hierarchy in both the job market and traditional girlhood image, started to jauntily rewrite the definition of girlhood and femininity by themselves. Birth control and contraception aides became more available during the two World Wars. Easier access to them benefited girls to make decisions on their own body. Miss Modern’s girlhood might be perceived as wild, rebel, or even dangerous by some, but she was also able to keep sensible and practical.

Good-Time Girls

In the mid-1930s, “good-time girls” came into the public sight. They were described as similar girls with the earlier Miss Modern. Both good-time girls and Miss Modern were fond of cheap cosmetics, perfume and fashionable clothes. They watched a lot of Hollywood movies and often dreamed about fame and luxury. 

If Miss Modern’s pursuit for economic and personality independence somehow earned them a reputation, good-time girls became almost like a folk devil in the eyes of the public, who criticized young women for their pleasure seeking and consumption. It was a period when liberal attitudes toward female sexuality suffered backlash. The portrayals of good-time girls, often frivolous and cunning girls preying on soldiers for favors, uneased the society so much that criticism of young girls’ sexuality increased and lasted. 

From the mid-1930s, the moral panic over good-time girls and girlhood in Europe and North America continued into the post-war period. Girls’ appearance, makeup, clothing, and sexualities were carefully vetted by the public again and again. However, girls also proved that the real situation could be very different from the public imagination that they were victims of “being loose or seduced”: some of them actively sought a chance to transition the romantic experience to livelihood; some genuinely relished the lifestyle of partying.

Patriotic Girls in Arab Nationalism

circa 1900-1950, Arab countries

At the beginning of the 20th century, Arab nationalism rose with the goals of eliminating the influence of the West in the Arab world. Because Arab nationalism identified women as the “bearers of the nation”, anti-colonial movements gradually became a platform that provided girls with a potential new way of publicly expressing themselves, even though this way was limited and not free.

In traditional Islamic societies, girls only took on a reproductive role as care-takers in a family. But anti-colonial movements recognized girls as home-front warriors. In other words, girlhood somewhat broke away from the traditional hideout from public gaze, and it gained increased meaning and social value with girls in anti-colonial movements. In Iraq, the youth movement al-Futuwwa saw girls as future patriotic mothers and caregivers. Using al-Futuwwa as a public platform, more and more girls participated in national, political discussion and made their voice heard. In Egypt, the political participation of women from all walks of life had affected the changes in Egypt’s political situation to a certain extent. By participating in demonstrations, strikes and even assassinations, Egyptian girls supported the Egyptian nationalist party, the Wafd Party, and the country’s independence movement.

As the society started to support their political role, Arab girls, too, shouldered national responsibility in this time period. After having achieved independence, Arab girls would step into the next period of their journey: fighting for their rights as citizens and developing the new Islamic feminism.

College Girls

20th century

As time goes, girls have gained increased access to education. Apprenticeship and home education become less and less popular options. Instead, public schools and colleges welcomed more and more girls. With new ideas on girls’ education, girlhood also became a distinctive, separate period between childhood and adulthood with increased social publicity.

One of education’s functions in separating childhood and adulthood was extending girlhood. Although girls would still be supervised by house wardens and academic supervisors, their time spent in school, especially in colleges, has significantly prolonged the girlhood before stepping into adulthood. For many girls, the abundant academic resources that colleges offered equipped them knowledge to prepare better before stepping into the adult world. For some, entering into colleges meant delayed marital age, which, in turn, implied more independent girlhood time on their own. For example, for Dutch Afrikaner South African girls in the early 20th century, being a “college girl” promised having a carefree time to get aways with “adult responsibilities” and go for glowing college adventures.

Beatlemania

1950s and 1960s

In the 1960s, mainstream voices in the English society hoped to protect the sexual purity of young people. They constantly advocated a happy life after marriage, implying that girls should shun away from sex before getting married. However, girls at this time were far different from Victorian girls. They grew up with easy access to public secondary education. A lot of them had jobs and were financially independent. As new girls, they were also consumers with strong spending power. They were eager to break free from the shackles of society on youth’s and women’s sexuality.

During this period, pop, rock and jazz music won countless girls’ love, together with many conservatives’ aversion. While girls sought pleasure and empowerment from modern music, the latter saw them allures of leading girls to go off the rails. The Beatles took this tension to a new stage: so many girls were obsessed with this band that many of them spent money and publicly confessed to them. This intense fan frenzy, which was also called beatlemania, was actually an unprecedented open expression of desire from female groups. When society contemptuously, or aggrievedly, called these beat girls as fangirls with no brains, did it ever cross their mind that beatlemania could be an outcry from the girls who challenged societal oppression on teenage girls’ sexuality?

Nütongzhi

1960s to 1990s, Taiwan

Nütongzhi (Chinese: 女同志) is a Taiwanese term referring to lesbians. Nütongzhi were generally divided into “T” and “P”. Interestingly, this categorization of T/P was started by Taiwanese gar bar owners. Before 1985 when the first lesbian bar in Taiwan opened, gay bars were the only place where Nütongzhi could hang out with their partner without being judged for their sexual orientations. 

“T” refers to those girls who came to gay bars with short hairs and tomboyish outfits. They often have classic masculine personality traits, such as assertive and competitive. “T”’s partner, who usually seem more feminine than T, is called P or Po (Chinese: 婆, meaning wife). Before 1990s when feminism and gay movement evolved in Taiwan, T and P played a very important role to define a girl in Nütongzhi community. Apart from T and P, some Nütongzhi prefer calling themselves Bu Fen (Chinese: 不分, meaning not applicable), to claim that they identify themselves as neither T nor P. Bu Fen rejected to label themselves and fall into the traps of gender stereotypes. 

With the widespread spread of the Internet and the increasing appearance of other identity names such as transgender and bisexuality, the self-recognition of the younger generation of lesbians has become increasingly diverse. This means that they will experience more and more complex progress when establishing self-identity. Growing up, they constantly try to learn, conform to, or even deviate from diverse identity categories such as T, P, Bu Fen, Nütongzhi, etc.

How far is too far for feminism to go? When Miss Modern and flappers came on stage in the 1920s and 30s, moral panic surfaced with a blizzard of criticism that girls had gone too far. So did it happen when girls broke down more and more gender stereotypes in the 1970s. So did it happen again when girl power rose up and ladettes dominated newspaper headlines in the 1990s. 

Who were ladettes? They had many labels: noisy, confident, boyish. They drank too much. They took their clothes off without scruple. They enjoyed traditionally masculine sports. In a word, they were the girl version of “traditional” men who boozed, boasted, and sometimes behaved vulgarly. The conservatives criticized them that they strayed too far no matter from the traditional ideal of woman or from a new, independent woman. 

But has feminism, or ladettes, gone too far? Ladettes only demonstrated the flipped-over version of the old, binary gender norms where active boys lead, quiet girls follow. When girls behave completely like a lad, this became a whole new story about girlhood. Girls were making their own decisions, taking up space that was traditionally solely preserved for men, and demanding more and more true equality.

Early 2000s

Tween is a blend of between and teen , but exclusively refers to teenage girls. The age range of tween is blurry, with the common reference to 8-13 years. As an age category, tween emphasizes on the time period between a girl’s childhood and puberty. She is too old for toys and games, but too young for boys and sex. 

It’s rather easy to detect that tweenhood becomes a new idealized period of girlhood: tweens are described as (mostly) white, beautiful, and innocent. They should not be sexualized and commodified. This idealization seems like a social projection of the idea that young girls are fragile and constantly need protection. On the other hand, tweens are also a specific group of girls that corporates and consumerism often market at. Clothes, magazines, dolls often brand themselves as tween’s perfect choice to catch up with fashion trends. Such marketing reflects that tweens, as young girls, constitute consumers with spending power who make their own purchase choices. Having such a contradictory status, tween girls continue to navigate their identity under the influence of social ethos, feminism, and consumer culture.

Migrant Girls

20th and 21st century

With the advent of modern society and technological progress, migration, whether it happens voluntarily or involuntarily, has become more possible and more frequent than ever. Consequently, the group of migrated girls are growing and receiving increased attention. However, it’s impossible to generalize their experience: race, class, even familial control, so many factors can profoundly shape a migrated girl’s girlhood. If anything, the keyword of their experience might be identity negotiation. 

Many migrated girls found that the migration was such a radical change to their life that their original identity became incompatible with the new environment after moving. In order to “fit in”, or at least get used to the new life, negotiating between the old and new identities became a common theme of their girlhood. Some migrated girls negotiated “street” and “decent” cultures in a dynamic, vibrant setting. Some tried to understand the difference between a new culture and their own. For example, immigrant girls and refugee girls in Western countries are often educated based on ideas of ideal Wesetern girlhood. Representations of girlhood of their culture, or simply representation of a migrated girlhood, are not abundant.

Harajuku Girls in “Cool Japan”

2002 to Present

Japanese Ministry of Foreign Affairs launched their concept of “Cool Japan” in 2002, aiming to brand and export Japanese soft cultural superpower. The Cool Japan project focused specifically on youth culture where girl culture was an integral part. Typical girls in Cool Japan flyers and campaigns are easy to recognize: school girls, girls with kimono, etc. These images overlap a lot with popular girl characters in otaku culture. They conformed to conventional femininity norms with acceptive girl sexiness. 

“Harajuku style” is one of the most well-known styles that became an epitome of “Cool Japan”. Girls in Harajuku style mix traditional Japanese clothing with Western attire to create a unique, dazzling, colorful outfit. With traditional Japanese clothes, girls seem to conform to and maintain a traditional image of girlhood. But by mixing totally different styles of clothing, Harajuku style girls signal that their contempt for mainstream fashion – they dress whatever they wish and declare their self-expression and enjoy girl culture without being judged.

Indigenous Girls in the West

21st Century

Colonial practices have affected Indigneous girls for centuries–and continue to influence  their lives today. In residential schools,  white settlers tried to impose white, European, and Christian gender roles on Indigenous communities. They also imposed binary notions, such as white/others and “civilized” and /”primitive” on Indigenous society. 

Today their lives are shaped by things, such as treaty rights, colonial gender policies, and cultural and territorial decolonization. For example, in Canada, Indigenous girls suffered long-term discriminatory treatments, including the Indian Act and residential schools, and these issues are finally receiving some attention. However, compared with settler girls who frequently appear in the public eye, Indigenous girls and their experiences are not often discussed. In face of systemic racialized colonialism, Indigenous girls were constantly seen as “others” who are excluded from the Western notions of girlhood girlhood. Nowadays, Indigenous girls also have to fight against romanticization or representations that portray them as drunk, passive, or foreign. After centuries of colonization, oppression, and forced assimilation, many Indigenous girls struggle to reconnect with values and cultural practices of Indigenous communities. Their rejection of being victimized or misrepresented shapes Indigenous girlhood today.

Gender: Social Construct, Dyke March in Dolores Park. Photo by Steve Rhodes via Flickr.

“girl” as a social construct.

Who decides what a “girl” is? Generally speaking, society. But society’s definitions have varied, as we’ve already seen. So why do definitions change over time?

The social construction of gender theory is a way to research and frame these definitions. The theory emerges from social constructivism, a school of thought which proposes that everything people “know” or see as “reality” is partially, if not entirely, socially situated. This means that our definitions are based on the beliefs and reactions of those around us – people in our society. 

According to Lumen Learning , “A social constructionist view of gender looks beyond categories and examines the intersections of multiple identities and the blurring of the boundaries between essentialist categories. This is especially true with regards to categories of male and female, which are viewed typically as binary and opposite. Social constructionism seeks to blur the binary and muddle these two categories, which are so frequently presumed to be essential.”

Exploring this, we interviewed girl studies scholars about how they define and study girlhood. Click the toggles below to reveal their answers.

How would you define ‘girlhood’? Do you have any anecdotes which you believe summarize girlhood?

Linda Arnell: The word or category of ‘girl’ has various meanings, but is often related to a child of a specific gender and age, and most commonly as a term defining adolescent females. However, I also understand it as a social (western) construction, and the way in which the term girl is given meaning is also intertwined with notions of ability, ethnicity, sexuality, and class, etc. When conducting research, my perspective on the category of girl includes everyone who identifies as such, regardless of the sex assigned at birth, even though I often include an age limit related to ideas of childhood, adolescence, youth, or what it means to be a child or to be young.   The word or category of ‘girl’ has various meanings, but is often related to a child of a specific gender and age, and most commonly as a term defining adolescent females. However, I also understand it as a social (western) construction, and the way in which the term girl is given meaning is also intertwined with notions of ability, ethnicity, sexuality, and class, etc. When conducting research, my perspective on the category of girl includes everyone who identifies as such, regardless of the sex assigned at birth, even though I often include an age limit related to ideas of childhood, adolescence, youth, or what it means to be a child or to be young.

Anastasia Todd: In my work on disabled girlhood, I mostly define girlhood in terms of what it is not. Girlhood is not a “common-sense” ahistorical, static, biological “life-stage.” But rather, it is a shifting category of analysis that is constituted through and by systems and relations of power. Another way I like to think of girlhood (as I do disability) is as an assemblage, not just as an attribute of a body. Notwithstanding the academic definition, I think girlhood means many different things to many different girls. Reflecting on my own girlhood, which was very privileged in many ways, I mostly think back to feelings of anxiety, joy, discovery, desire, belonging, and exclusion. My newest streaming television obsession has been the show PEN15, which I believe does an excellent job capturing and relaying some of my own affective experiences of girlhood, as a millennial growing up in the United States.

Anghara N. Valdivia: This is a huge question. So much history and theory. At its core “girlhood” is a privilege, as very few people in the world have the luxury of living through a “girlhood.” It is a gendered category that is also age specific—somewhere after infancy through the end of adolescence. Clearly patriarchal cultures use the term “girl” to refer to a wide range of ages—sometimes even middle age or elderly women. Ideally, girlhood encompasses solidarity, mutuality, creativity, and learning to have agency in the world as a gendered, aged, racialized and classed subject. There are multiple and competing girlhoods.

Ann Smith: For me girlhood is the state of being a girl, cisgender, self-identified, trans non/binary, lesbian, queer etc.  Typically, girls are aged 18 and under.

Sneha Krishnan: Girlhood is fluid – while sociologists might define it as a time ‘before’ adulthood, ‘girl’ subjectivities have been used by women and children in various ways to play with time. Between 2012 and 2013 I did ethnographic research at a hostel – boarding house – for girls in Southern India. The young woman who lived in this hostel were all university students, roughly between the ages of eighteen and twenty-two. In legal terms they were ‘adults’. But they all called themselves ‘girls’. As I learned, being ‘girls’ allowed them to keep one foot in a child world of playfulness and fantasy: the things they did in their ‘girlhood’ didn’t really count, I was told. Nothing was serious. So ‘girlhood’ was a way of inhabiting what Saidiya Hartman has called ‘waywardness’ – openness to radical possibilities beyond the narrow horizons dictated by social circumstance.

Jennifer Helgren:   I think it is important to separate girl and girlhood, child and childhood, boy and boyhood. Girl refers to actual girl children whereas girlhood refers to the constellation of ideas that describe the expectations, norms, and attributes associated with female children in a given society. We must recognize as a girl any child who identifies as a girl even when their family and community do not accord them this recognition.  My own research has focused heavily on girls’ organizations. I see these mainstream, popular, and, in many ways, prescriptive organizations as crucial to forming modern concepts of girlhood. Their leaders develop programs that speak to the culture’s beliefs about what girls are like. Girls responded with varying degrees of receptivity, which, in turn, shaped the trajectory of the organizations.

Louise Jackson: I define ‘girlhood’ as a shared identity, culture and sense of community that is created by girls themselves – although of course it has also been created for them by others (including by adults). As a historian (of gender, youth and childhood) I love reading The Girl’s Own Paper – published in the UK from 1880 right through to 1956 – and looking for girls’ own voices. Its readers were encouraged to send in essays, letters and other contributions on topics that mattered to them. In 1882 Bertha Mary Jenkinson, aged 14 year and 7 months, was so concerned about a previous article, which described higher education as wasted on girls, that she wrote a spirited letter to the editor. She argued: ‘a woman’s education must go on all her life exactly the same as a man’s .… Unless a woman is educated she certainly cannot be his equal or companion’. Equal access to education for girls remains crucial in the world today.

Marnina Gonick: My definition of girlhood would be to resist any singular definition. Definitions can be  dangerous, because to define is to create borders around an idea. As a result, there are always exclusions. I think girlhood should be seen as an expansive category with porous boundaries. Instead of defining girlhood as a biological or temporal feature, I think it is necessary to understand it as a cultural and social phenomenon that is constantly in flux. We need to use an intersectional analysis, that is one that takes into account how gender and age intersect with other social markers such as race, class, nationality, ability, sexuality etc. Girlhood is an “idea” that has material effects on how childhood is understood and lived, how gender is created and experienced and how identities are fashioned. Each of these (childhood, gender and identity) are a relationship to the “idea” of girl, which is never fully achievable.

Mary Celeste Kearney:   I define “girlhood” in several ways: 1) as the subjective experiences of those who identify as “girls”; 2) as the period in life one identifies as “girl”; and 3) as the discursive construct used by social institutions and individuals to categorize those deemed young and female/feminine, which is commonly performed and reconstructed by those who identify as “girl.”  I tend to define “girl” via demographic categories and based on the combination of gender, age, and status of financial dependency—so, those people who identify as female/feminine and young who are still financially dependent on their parents or guardians.  Typically, this means female/feminine youth between the ages of 0-18, whether cisgender or trans. That said, historically “girl” has also been used to refer to young women older than 18, and it still is.  Indeed, the term “girl” is often used among women of all ages when they are in women-only groups, as well as by many gay and bisexual men in relation to the feminine members of their groups. The fluid use of “girl” across these various social groups points to lack of one essential meaning as well as its relationship to the social construction of identity.  As I wrote in my 2009 article, “Coalescing,” which focuses on the development of girlhood studies as an academic field: “[T]here are many ways to be a girl, and these forms depend on not only the material bodies performing girlhood, but also the specific social and historical contexts in which those bodies are located” (19).

How do you think globalization has affected how we define girlhood?

Linda Arnell: Firstly, I think that girls around the world, with the help of technology and the internet, have had the opportunity to share their experiences, opinions, and life situations with others in other parts of the world. We can also see how girls’ voices and activism have had a global impact in ways that have not been possible before, but, at the same time, girls are also affected by the negative consequences of globalization in various ways. Furthermore, I think that the effects of globalization have influenced girlhood scholars to broaden their perspectives and to look beyond their own context and understandings of girlhood. I hope that globalization, in this sense, will contribute with dialogues and knowledge that transgress national borders.

Anastasia Todd: Being attuned to globalization helps to decenter white, Western girlhood as the universal frame for studying “girlhood.” An engagement with transnational feminism allows us to think more thoroughly about how neoliberal capitalism has structured the realities of girls across the world in different and similar ways.

Angharad N. Valdivia: This is a weird question. Clearly the study of girlhood has to be specific. We cannot generalize from the US/Anglo situation to the rest of the world. Hopefully all girlhood scholars acknowledge this. Contemporarily there are such visible girls on the world arena—Malala, Greta, etc.—that we need to understand how it is that their visibility is being constructed. We also need to acknowledge that certain girls are rendered more visible than others. For example, many indigenous girls have been speaking for years about environmental degradation, yet Greta captures the global imagination. Issues of class, race and nation are important. “Globalization” means different things to different people. If we define it as the contemporary flow of people, culture, and goods across nations, we have to acknowledge uneven power distributions, enduring colonial vestiges, etc.

Ann Smith: It has broadened our understanding of what constitutes girlhood in different countries and cultures.

Sneha Krishnan: I think it would be a mistake to see the present moment of globalisation as exceptional. As above, I think the ways in which it defines girlhood (as racialised, as vulnerable, and within other geopolitical stories about modernity, civilisation and rescue) all have a much deeper history in the story of imperialism. So I think historic globalisation – in this I’m referring to imperialism that began in the late 15th century – has profoundly shaped and indeed created the conditions under which ‘girlhood’ as a category makes sense.

Jennifer Helgren: Globalization has brought increased attention and resources to girls’ education and to microeconomic projects for young women around the world. We see that, for example, in the Girl Effect—an independent nonprofit launched in September 2015 by Nike Foundation, in collaboration with the NoVo Foundation, United Nations Foundation, and others. Its goal is to end poverty globally by funding girls’ education, health, and other opportunities. It is based on a belief that girls’ successes lift their countries out of poverty. The unstated reverse, however, puts an incredible burden on girls–girls who have sex or marry early mires their countries in ongoing distress and hardship. So new attention is going to girlhood but some of our normative framings of girls as either ideal citizens and saviors or as delinquents who undermine through their sexual choices remain stuck in place.

Louise Jackson: It’s crucial to think in a global (as well as longitudinal) context and to recognise that what it means to be a girl is both geographically and historically specific. Access to rights has been structured through ideas about age as well as gender, and the age at which one is deemed to be a girl or woman depends on the contours of where and when. There is no universal experience of ‘girlhood’ given that race, ethnicity, and access to resources profoundly shape life-chances and the sharing of identity.

Marnina Gonick: I think there are two contradictory movements involved in the relationship between globalization and girlhood. On the one hand, globalization has allowed us to see how the concept of girlhood varies in different social and geographic locations. This gives weight to the idea of girlhood as something that is socially constructed in alignment with economic, cultural and regional factors. On the other hand, globalization has also brought a homogenizing factor to notions of girlhood.  With the circulation of American popular culture, through TV, movies and music there is an increasingly narrowing of discourses around girlhood which puts limitations on how the concept is understood and lived.

Mary Celeste Kearney:  Great question and one all girls’ studies scholars should think more about. I know I do!  The concept of girlhood has long been tied to capitalism, as girls are understood as a lucrative consumer market. Originally that was because girls grow into women, and the assumption was that all women become mothers who make purchases on behalf of their own families. So if advertisers and manufacturers could solidify girls’ brand loyalties early on, those companies would have assured consumers for life. Yet since the mid 1930s, in the United States at least, there’s been a recognition that girls want to consume products made just for them and their needs, and so the girl consumer market was born. This has happened at different times in different countries, but the United States has been a major player in globalization as a result of its power in the world and capitalist values, as well as its production and distribution of media.  Globalization has led to a more universal sense of girlhood, although it is one that has been based on the most privileged girls in the U.S. and other Western societies. (Check out the history of the Barbie doll made for different countries.) It remains to be seen how much other countries can resist the West’s—and more specifically, the United States’—definition of girlhood by producing their own girl-centered media and other forms of culture.  Japan comes to mind as a nation with a very strong girl culture that has impacted not only other Asian countries, but also those in the West (think of Hello Kitty, manga, anime, etc.).

Would you describe girlhood as a construct (social or other)? Please explain.

Linda Arnell: Yes, one way to understand girlhood is to approach it as a social and/or cultural construction, intertwined with notions, not only of gender and age, but also aspects like ability, ethnicity, sexuality, and class, etc. But for me it is also important to understand girlhood as a lived experience, thus affecting the lives of girls every day.

Anastasia Todd: I think that girlhood is both a construct as well as a material-affective reality. Girlhood has meant many different things in many different historical, political, social, and geographic contexts. This doesn’t mean that girlhood is not “real” per se, it just means that the way we conceptualize girlhood changes. By thinking about how girlhood is constructed, it calls attention to the fact that there is not just one universal experience of girlhood. It is important that we think intersectionally and transnationally about girlhood. Not all girls are figured as innocent or in need of protection, for example. Certain girls, by virtue of their race, class, ability, citizenship, etc. experience the world in vastly different ways than the white, Western girl that populates many of our imaginaries as “the Girl.”

Angharad N. Valdivia: Of course it’s a social construction—as is gender and this is gendered category. Nonetheless it bears actual political consequences, resource allocations, and explanatory power.

Ann Smith: In some contexts girlhood is a socially controlling construct. For example, in some cultures girlhood ends only with marriage regardless of the age of the girl or woman concerned. Thinking of an adult woman as a girl leads to treating her as a child.

Sneha Krishnan:   Yes – girlhood is a historical and social construct. Like other categories of gendered subjectivity, it is performative: in that it is produced by the repeated ‘doing’ of girlhood in the clothes girls wear, in how they hold their bodies, and how they talk, and walk and what they do with their time. All societies didn’t always have a concept of ‘girlhood’ or if they did, its meanings have varied very widely over time. For instance, in the early 20th century, the legal age of consent for married women in most parts of the world was somewhere in their mid-teens at the latest. This would be considered very young these days. Similarly, for instance, black and white girls were not attributed with the same attributes of innocence and fragility in the US in the late 19th century.  Black girls were widely seen as lacking the capacity to feel – as insensate – and hence incapable of reform and self-development. On the contrary, white girls were seen as pure and innocent: figures at the heart of national culture and the fantasy of the American family.

Jennifer Helgren: Girlhood is both a biological phenomenon and a social construct. As a historian, I see girlhood taking on different meanings at different periods. That is what a social construct does. Moreover, girlhood among different ethnic, racial, and class groups has had different associations and meanings. Therefore, girlhood is a social construct that intersects with various other identities.

Louise Jackson: Yes. ‘Girlhood’ – what it means to be a girl – is shaped through culture.

Marnina Gonick: Yes, as my answers above indicate – I think girlhood is a construct with real material effects. This idea comes from a broader field of study of the theoretical body of work that suggests that all identities are created within social contexts that shape the meanings of these identities.

Mary Celeste Kearney: Yes, that’s what I was getting to in my definitions of “girl” and “girlhood” in the prior question.

To what extent is the definition of girlhood constructed through inclusivity and plurality?

Linda Arnell:  To achieve plurality and inclusivity when defining girlhood, today’s notions of the category ‘girl’ need to be discussed, and may be also reconstructed and broadened in various ways. I hope that girlhood scholars will take the opportunity to be part of this, to advocate for greater inclusion, and discuss and question notions of, for example, femininity and age that constrain and limit people from living their lives on equal terms. I also hope for this change not only to be one of definition, but also one of social change, questioning the social, political, and power structures.

Lillemor, one of the girls participating in my research on girls’ violence, gives one example of how social norms, and notions of gender, affect the lives of girls:

Lillemor: I think it’s really sad, not because it should be okay for girls to fight, because it’s not okay to fight, but it’s stupid that it’s seen as something special, as if it’s not special if guys fight, because it’s like girls have to behave in a certain way, but guys can behave any way they want. Linda: And what’s in a certain way then? Lillemor: We shouldn’t fight, and we shouldn’t be loud, and we shouldn’t sleep around, and we shouldn’t do anything like that. Linda: How are you supposed to behave then? Lillemor: Yeah, we have to be nice and perform in school and we can’t fight. I don’t know, we should just be like this stereotypical girl, we’re not supposed to be seen or heard, and we’re not supposed to be violent, but nor should boys.

Anastasia Todd: I think for many people, girlhood is imagined in a very rigid and “common-sense” way. I would say scholars of girlhood are trying to push folks to reconsider girlhood as something that does not just signify “women in training” or is conceptualized strictly in terms of age (under 18). For many of us who do work on marginalized girlhoods, I think we attempt to conceptualize girlhood in an increasingly capacious way. In my own work, I try to attend to the materiality of the body as well as recognize how interlocking systems of oppression structure girls’ lives in asymmetrical ways.

Angharad N. Valdivia: It all depends. There is no one definition. Undoubtedly, like so many other constructs, and as is Liberal Feminism, the bulk of attention has been on white, middle class, cis-gendered girls from the Global North. However there is also great productivity in inclusive research.

Sneha Krishnan: ‘Girlhood’ has historically been a troubled category. And it has been a category riven with histories of race and class exclusion. But ‘girlhood’ has also been claimed by those on the margins of this category as a site from which to inhabit a radical politics of gender.

Jennifer Helgren: One of the expectations of mainstream educators in the twentieth-century United States was that the ideal girl citizen was tolerant and accepted inclusivity. The youth organizations that I study all offered up some version of this model, especially after World War II. Still, the clubs were set up through neighborhoods, schools, and churches, all of which were by custom or law segregated. Girls’ leaders sought to avoid controversy and played down their own political role by accepting local policies regarding segregation. This meant that they accepted the formation of groups, in most regions of the U.S., along segregated lines. At the same time, girls’ organizations regularly used a universalizing language to describe girlhood that obscured the realities of how white supremacy structured daily lives.

Louise Jackson:  As a normative goal or intervention in the world today, then yes – but we have to work hard to ensure this is always the case.  If you’re referring to ‘girlhood’ as a term that has been used to describe groups in the past (and thus as a label placed on girls by others), then we need to be attentive to the power dynamics at play. For example, preconceived assumptions about class and sexual status in nineteenth-century Britain were used to deny some girls the protection accorded to others.

Marnina Gonick: I think it depends on the context.  In some contexts there has been a lot of progress in expanding representations of girlhood.  While in others, the dominant version of white, middle class, heterosexual, cis gendered girlhood is still firmly implanted. I also see that progress is not linear. Where there are advancements there are also retreats. This is an issue that requires on-going work and effort.

Mary Celeste Kearney: That depends on who’s defining girlhood! Many white people, girls’ studies scholars, included have been remiss on not paying attention to the many categories of identity that intersect with gender with regard to both girls and girlhood. And girlhood studies has been dominated by white scholars for a long time, so we have not been as attentive to diversity, plurality, and inclusivity as we should have been.  Fortunately, more research by indigenous scholars, scholars of color, queer scholars, and disabled scholars is bringing light to the many different ways girlhood is constructed in relation to the various categories of identity that intersect with gender and age. And that work has challenged white scholars to engage in those issues as well.

Lolita dresses at New York Fashion Week 2016. Image via Vogue magazine.

Case study: lolita fashion.

Lolita fashion originated in 1970s Japan, influenced by the clothing of the late-Victorian period and having heavy elements of Rococo, Baroque, and Gothic styles. Some of the common elements consist of lace, bows, embroidery, corsets, and underskirts. Fantasy or “otherworldly” literature such as Alice in Wonderland also play a huge role in Lolita fashion. While many of its detractors say that Lolita has a direct link with the controversial 1950s novel of the same name (which details a young girl and older man’s relationship), the name itself does not have a direct link to the book and many modern Japanese are not familiar with it at all. Indeed, while Lolita subculture does emphasize kawaii  femininity and acting like a playful child, it is a genre rooted in the growing economy of Japanese society and many Japanese women participate in the subculture as more of a fashion statement.  Lolita dresses can be divided into three categories: sweet, gothic, and classic. A lot of the dresses express the aesthetic of femininity, cuteness, and refinement. Lolita culture became more widespread in Japan in the 1990s, becoming a worldwide phenomenon by the 2000s. It spread to neighboring countries like China and South Korea around 2000. In 2016, model and president of the Japan Lolita Association, Misako Aoki, appeared on stage presenting a Lolita dress during the New York Fashion Week. Increasingly, due to the internet and social media presence, Lolita “tea parties” and “dress rehearsals” are being held worldwide and attract a cult following. While Lolita dresses can be a type of “girl” expression, it is not the only reason why many Lolita enthusiasts wear them. Both men and women nowadays are using Lolita fashion to express themselves and enjoy the feeling the dresses bring to them.

Decora and Gothic Lolita Fashion

In this episode of Girlspeak , Dr. Megan C. Rose talks with guests Kurebayashi and Rei about decora and gothic Lolita fashion in Harajuku. From discussing the rise of these fashions as distinct Japanese social phenomena to building a cafe that appeals to decora and gothic Lolita audiences, our guests provide unique insights into these subcultures and how girls participate within them.

About Our Guests

  Dr. Megan C. Rose   is an Adjunct Associate Lectuerer in Sociology and Social Science and Policy at the University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia. Her research explores the value of creativity, cute theory, critical femininities and inclusion. She is currently investigating the experiences of kawaii and gothic alternative communities in Japan, as well as marginalised groups in the Australian Higher Education system. Megan is currently developing a new portfolio of postdoctoral research that involves collaboration and co-authorship with stakeholders in kawaii and gothic alternative communities, as well as a study of feminist activism that uses kawaii imagery to mobilize political actors.

Haruka Kurebayashi is an internationally known model and mentor for Decora-chan girls via her   blog ,   Instagram ,   Twitter , and   YouTube . Originally from Shizuoka prefecture, Kurebayashi launched her brand 90884 in 2013 and is a frequent model for fashion magazine KERA .

Rei Saionji   is a Tokyo native and explorer of Japanese culture and tradition. She is the author of 2 Hours Drive from Tokyo .

Case Study: Chinese Girl Groups

The Chinese music industry in the 2000s saw an increase of girl groups. One of the most prominent groups of the genre, S.H.E, formed in 2001 in Taiwan. They quickly gained popularity with the release of their first album, Girl’s Dorm.  In the next decade, they became an iconic girl group with a huge fanbase in Taiwan and mainland China. S.H.E consists of three singers: Selina Jen, Hebe Tian, and Ella Chen. Their personalities are distinct and many audiences find their mannerisms very natural. Their songs talk about different experiences and emotions that girls will face in their lifetime, as such the majority of their fans are girls because their songs are so relatable. A lot of their songs, such as “Are You Alright,” “Magical Journey,” and “Keep Smiling” talk about the friendships between females. Others, such as “Shero” and “A Girl Striving to be Independent” encourage girls to be strong and independent. Due to S.H.E.’s influence, many other girl groups formed around this time. For example, Twins is a Hong Kongese girl group created in 2001 consisting of Gillian Chung and Charlene Choi. Because many of their notable songs deal with school life, they became the representative for all female students dealing with certain issues.

S.H.E. is a Taiwan group formed by three girls with their first debuted album “Girls Dorm” 女生宿舍 in September 2001

Gender today.

For this exhibit, we chose a broad definition of “girl” that attempts to include both modern and historical definitions of childhood: “self-identifying females under the age of 21.” It is the same definition that Tiffany uses in her edited volume, A Girl Can Do: Recognizing and Representing Girlhood (Vernon Press, 2022) . Open the toggle below for her explanation.

Our Definition, Explained

First, the girl must self-identify as female – embracing historical and modern girls whose sex may not be naturally female. This opens doors to viewing “girl” as a self-defined category, in part influenced by cultures in which “girl” is applied to adult females who embrace the term as their own as well as emerging realizations of gender fluidity and multiplicity. […]

Complicating this gendered experience is our second factor: age. For this volume, I define girlhood as the period of life from birth to age 21, in order to prioritize the early life experiences of girl culture. This is a chronological category…. The use of chronological age is a modern phenomenon, emerging in seventeenth century Europe to define who bore political rights and who did not. […] Prior to the imposition of chronological age, the category was measured in milestones defined by cultural – not political – tradition. Such milestones are also flexible. […] The imposition of Western age norms has disrupted these cultural systems, imposing a chronological age system that seeks to show maturity – and imposes power imbalances by dictating that some people (women, people of color, colonized peoples) never mature. […]

For girls, their gender and youth combine into double discrimination (termed gendered ageism ) that is then compounded by other demographic categories into an intersectional system of oppression.

For this exhibit, we chose to look beyond academia and out into the real world. What do girls living the experience of girlhood today feel about their social category? What does being a girl mean in the 21st century? What makes girlhood unique, special, and memorable?

Special thanks to Genisus Holland and the Girls for A Change participants who took our survey and whose answers are featured below.

What does being a “girl” mean to you?

What is your favorite thing about being a “girl”?

What is something about being a “girl” that you wish more people knew about?

How would you say society views girlhood in your country?

Can you think of and describe a defining moment of your girlhood? Perhaps a time when you felt a strong connection to being a “girl” or when you felt distanced from the way society expects “girls” to be.

Exploring Girlhood as Curators

In this episode of GirlSpeak, Girl Museum’s curatorial and education interns Asha and Yuwen talk about their experiences in preparing for this exhibition and how they came to view “girls” and “girlhood” through their work with us.

This exhibition was curated by Yuwen Zhang, Asha Hall-Jones, and Tiffany R. Isselhardt with assistance from Josie Evans and Dr. Elizabeth Dillenburg. Graphic design by Janey Robideau. Special thanks to our contributors, who provided key insights on girlhood and its meanings.

Recommended Reading

The titles below are recommended by our curatorial team for their exemplary explorations of gender and girlhood. Click the picture to be taken to Bookshop.org, where you can buy the book while supporting indie bookstores and Girl Museum.

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13 Qualities of a Good Woman You Should Look For

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Many would say that good qualities are relative.  That depends on each person, their values, and what they consider reasonable.  However, there are also those qualities that almost all of us look for in a good person. 

When looking for a good woman, there are qualities that we desire from a person so that we have the type of relationship that we are looking for.  These qualities are needed to live the way we hope to live with someone.   Aside from these qualities, we cannot live at peace, have security, feel loved, build trust, and be genuinely happy.

Table of Contents

Why is it important to date someone with good qualities?

We look for several good qualities in a person we are looking to date.  They mainly depend on what we are looking for out of the relationship.  For instance, if we are looking for a long-term relationship ending in marriage, we would desire particular good qualities… as opposed to a person looking to date casually or on a not-so-serious basis. 

In either circumstance, no one wants to spend their time with a man or woman who is any of the following negative personality traits :

• Egocentric – the things they say or do are centered around making themselves the center of attention.  Furthermore, their efforts make them look good and feed their ego.  Their plan is to lead the world to believe they believe in differential treatment.
• Pessimistic – feeling that the universe is against them, and when things go badly, they feel justified in their beliefs.  People like this tend to complain about things they do not have rather than stepping out to do better for themselves and others.
• Always has to be right (correct) – this person will do anything to discredit you to be right in a disagreement.  Even if it means attacking your character.  No one wants to date someone who cannot admit when they are wrong.
• Dishonesty – No one wants to date someone they cannot trust.  Not being able to believe what someone says is a recipe for disaster in a relationship.
• Manipulative – a person who uses others to get what they want out of a relationship.  They will use many tactics, including guilt, to make others give in to their way.
• Judgmental – this type of person will judge a person without having the whole back story of why they are in the situation they are in.  Usually, the judgment is not good and dismisses a person as being “no good.”

Furthermore, no one desires to date a person with these other qualities either.  People who are passive-aggressive, predatory, greedy, unforgiving, or narcissistic .  

These negative traits can cause emotional distress, anxiety, distrust, lack of self-confidence, poor health, and fear of the future.   This is why it is vital to date someone who shares the values we find most important. 

A common practice I had during my dating days was approaching each date as a chance to make a new friend and then working on building that friendship.  We would explore it, and if it led to more, great!  But fun and relatability was my first concern. 

Usually, a person will show their negative traits early on.  I looked at it like this, “If I dated a woman and she enhanced my life, great!  I simply distanced myself if she didn't share my values or drug me down, not enhancing my life.” 

1.  Woman of Great Integrity

A woman with great integrity has a set of values that she will live by no matter what .  She will treat you with the utmost respect, honesty, and care.  Furthermore, looking for a woman with great integrity shows you she is trustworthy, treats you with respect, and believes in helping others.

2.  Woman who is nurturing

You have a good woman when you have one who is nurturing.  Not to be confused with “ taking care of someone ” like a mother would a child. 

When she is nurturing, she can see your individual needs at a given moment and know just what to do or say to make you feel better.  Having a woman like this is a blessing and should be valued. 

3.  She isn’t the jealous type

Women often compare themselves to other women and tend to be jealous.  It is said that relationships are built on trust.  Therefore, jealousy can ruin the foundation of a relationship. 

It leads to accusations and stress.  A good woman is secure in who she is and doesn't get jealous or feel threatened by others very quickly. 

4.  She is a forgiving woman

A forgiving woman usually isn't vindictive and doesn't seek to make it her mission to harm someone who has done her wrong.  Even if a relationship ends badly and it was your fault, a good woman will move on without trying to do things to get back at you for your mistakes. 

Furthermore, this type of woman is sincere and doesn't hold on to a grudge, hatred, or bitterness like a badge of honor.  Instead, she finds ways to move forward .

5.  Woman with Compassion

This is one of my personal favorites in a woman.  Women like this can be trusted with some of your deepest and darkest moments of pain.  In addition, she becomes a safe place for you to lay your head.   

This woman lets you speak your mind before jumping to a conclusion on a matter.  Moreover, she shares in your joy as well as in your pain.  Because her overall goal is to see you doing and feeling better. 

6.  She is fun to be around

Women like this warm the heart because, no matter the situation, she knows how to have fun.  Even how to make a mundane task feel like a great experience.  No one desires to be around a woman who is serious all the time and a “stick in the mud.” 

However, a woman who brings laughter to a relationship or an environment is someone everyone feels drawn to , and her behavior is contagious.  Furthermore, she is always looking for ways to enjoy life.

7.  Displays great kindness

The most beautiful and remarkable women in the world are those who radiate kindness to others everywhere she goes.  She doesn’t wallow in self-pity but sincerely looks to be a blessing to others.  That is where she finds her greatest joy.  That is one of the most incredible qualities a woman can possess. 

8.  Encourages you and others

It is a true blessing to have a woman in your life who makes an effort to highlight your best qualities, especially when you are going through a difficult time in life. 

Furthermore, she knows how to encourage you to “keep going,” “keep pushing,” and “don’t quit.”  Her words of encouragement and support help you to accomplish things you never thought possible in your life.

9.  She displays loyalty

Loyalty is an excellent quality for a woman to have.  She is “down” for you, whether amongst friends or family, no matter where she is.  Moreover, she doesn't like it when others speak ill of you behind your back and will speak up about it.  Simply put, she always has your back.

10.  A woman who always looks to be better

A good quality in a woman is one who accepts her flaws.  She accepts what she can’t change but is always striving to be a better person and do life better than she did in the past. 

Furthermore, she is always on a path of self-improvement.   She doesn’t make a habit of looking down and judging others for their flaws, yet she strives to improve and be the best version of herself .  

11.  Woman who values self-care

A quality woman values self-care.  She recognizes the importance of doing things that make her feel good, refreshed, and refocused.  She doesn't mind if she has to do them alone . 

Whether it is getting a massage, acupuncture, pedicure, relaxing by the pool, or reading a book by the fireplace… she values being able to nourish herself.   When she does so, she is able to give others the best she has to offer.  

12.  She is a gracious woman

Gracious women are some of the sweetest women alive.   She does things for you and others out of the goodness of her heart, not for what she can get from you. 

Furthermore, she is just a genuine person who is kind, good-hearted, polite, and generous.  Most anyone appreciates a courteous, considerate, thoughtful, and pleasant woman.

13.  She does not seek to change you

A good woman won’t make it her mission to change you but accepts you for who you are.  In addition, she inspires you to be the best version of yourself.  She isn’t nagging you to change, nor is she setting ultimatums for you and making threats to retaliate if you don't change.  

A good woman doesn't bring this type of pressure and manipulation to the relationship.

Is it a good idea to try to change someone you think may be “the one”?

To further expound on the previous point, trying to change someone in a relationship is never a good idea.  Therefore, it can be a breeding ground for resentment, stress, and frustration. 

Furthermore, the very nature of trying to change someone indicates that the person you are trying to change is not good enough the way they are.  And if you cannot accept them the way they are, it may be time to distance yourself from them if you two are dating and end the relationship. 

However, it doesn't hurt to seek counseling and hash things out in a mutual environment if you are married.  A marriage counselor can possibly help your spouse see how their actions are affecting you and help them see the error of their ways and change.   

If you do it on your own, you could create a worse situation and say things you cannot take back.

Final Thoughts on 13 Qualities of a Good Woman You Should Look For

So many say that there aren't any good women out there, which is wrong.   We must be patient enough to get to know someone and see their great qualities emerge.  In addition, we should also remember that no one is perfect.  We all have flaws. 

For instance, suppose a good woman only possesses 9 out of the 13 good qualities mentioned.  In that case, it may not be enough of a disqualifier from considering her in a relationship.  However, you don't want to lower your standards either. 

Ultimately, we should know what type of woman we are looking for, then let her blow our minds when she exceeds our expectations.   I know from experience because it happened to me! Also, if you’re wondering if you possess the qualities that a woman may be looking for in a good man, be sure to read our article on 11 qualities of a good man .

Essay on Women Empowerment for Students and Children

500+ words essay on women empowerment.

Women empowerment refers to making women powerful to make them capable of deciding for themselves. Women have suffered a lot through the years at the hands of men. In earlier centuries, they were treated as almost non-existent. As if all the rights belonged to men even something as basic as voting. As the times evolved, women realized their power. There on began the revolution for women empowerment.

As women were not allowed to make decisions for them, women empowerment came in like a breath of fresh air. It made them aware of their rights and how they must make their own place in society rather than depending on a man. It recognized the fact that things cannot simply work in someone’s favor because of their gender. However, we still have a long way to go when we talk about the reasons why we need it.

Need for Women Empowerment

Almost every country, no matter how progressive has a history of ill-treating women. In other words, women from all over the world have been rebellious to reach the status they have today. While the western countries are still making progress, third world countries like India still lack behind in Women Empowerment.

Moreover, the education and freedom scenario is very regressive here. Women are not allowed to pursue higher education, they are married off early. The men are still dominating women in some regions like it’s the woman’s duty to work for him endlessly. They do not let them go out or have freedom of any kind.

In addition, domestic violence is a major problem in India. The men beat up their wife and abuse them as they think women are their property. More so, because women are afraid to speak up. Similarly, the women who do actually work get paid less than their male counterparts. It is downright unfair and sexist to pay someone less for the same work because of their gender. Thus, we see how women empowerment is the need of the hour. We need to empower these women to speak up for themselves and never be a victim of injustice .

How to Empower Women?

There are various ways in how one can empower women. The individuals and government must both come together to make it happen. Education for girls must be made compulsory so that women can become illiterate to make a life for themselves.

Women must be given equal opportunities in every field, irrespective of gender. Moreover, they must also be given equal pay. We can empower women by abolishing child marriage. Various programs must be held where they can be taught skills to fend for themselves in case they face financial crisis .

Most importantly, the shame of divorce and abuse must be thrown out of the window. Many women stay in abusive relationships because of the fear of society. Parents must teach their daughters it is okay to come home divorced rather than in a coffin.

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Essay on Ideal Woman

Students are often asked to write an essay on Ideal Woman in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Ideal Woman

Who is the ideal woman.

An ideal woman is someone many people admire for her qualities. She is kind, strong, and smart. She treats everyone fairly and with respect. People look up to her because she helps others and makes wise choices.

Kindness and Compassion

She cares for others’ feelings and always tries to help. If someone is sad, she listens and tries to make them feel better. Her heart is full of love for family, friends, and even strangers.

Strength and Courage

She is brave and faces problems with a smile. She is not afraid to stand up for what is right. Challenges do not scare her; she overcomes them with determination.

Wisdom and Intelligence

An ideal woman is smart. She learns from books and life. She uses her knowledge to make good decisions and guide others. She is a role model for making smart choices.

Equality and Respect

She believes everyone is equal and deserves respect. She treats people the same, no matter who they are. This fairness makes her a true leader and a good person.

250 Words Essay on Ideal Woman

Who is an ideal woman.

An ideal woman is someone many people admire because of her good qualities. She is kind, strong, and smart. She takes care of her family and friends and works hard in whatever job she does. She is also fair and treats everyone with respect.

Kindness and Strength

An ideal woman shows kindness to everyone. She helps others when they are in trouble and shares what she has. At the same time, she is strong. When things get tough, she does not give up. She faces problems bravely and finds ways to solve them.

Intelligence and Hard Work

Being smart is another important part of being an ideal woman. She uses her brain to learn new things and make good decisions. She also works very hard. Whether at home, in school, or at her job, she does her best and tries to improve.

An ideal woman believes that all people are equal. She does not think she is better than anyone else. She listens to others and understands their feelings. She speaks kindly and acts in ways that show she values other people.

In conclusion, an ideal woman is not perfect, but she tries to do her best. She is a mix of kindness, strength, intelligence, and respect. She inspires others to be better and makes the world a nicer place.

500 Words Essay on Ideal Woman

Introduction to the ideal woman.

When we talk about an “Ideal Woman,” it’s like imagining a perfect character in a story. This woman is someone many people look up to because she has qualities that are admired and respected. It’s important to remember that the idea of an ideal woman can be different for everyone, and it changes from place to place and time to time.

One of the most important traits of an ideal woman is kindness. She is someone who cares about other people’s feelings and does her best to help them. She is not only kind to humans but also to animals and nature. Her compassion means she feels for others who are hurting or in trouble, and she tries to do something about it. For example, she might volunteer at a local shelter or simply be a good friend who listens when someone needs to talk.

An ideal woman is also strong and brave. This doesn’t just mean she can lift heavy things or is never scared. Rather, it means she has the inner strength to face problems and work through them. She is brave enough to stand up for what she believes is right, even if others do not agree. She might be the person who stands up against bullying or works hard to achieve her dreams despite challenges.

Intelligence and Wisdom

Being smart is also a quality of the ideal woman. She loves to learn new things and is curious about the world. She uses her knowledge to make good decisions and to help others. Wisdom, which is a bit different from just being smart, means she understands what is truly important in life and can give good advice to those around her.

Respect and Humility

Respect is a key part of the ideal woman’s character. She respects herself and others, no matter who they are or where they come from. She treats everyone with the same kindness and does not think she is better than anyone else. This humble attitude makes her loved and admired by those who know her.

Hard Work and Dedication

The ideal woman works hard for what she wants. She is dedicated, which means she keeps going even when things get tough. She sets goals and does her best to reach them, whether it’s in school, at a job, or when learning a new skill.

Balance and Harmony

Lastly, the ideal woman knows how to balance different parts of her life. She understands that it’s important to work hard, but also to have fun and relax. She finds time for family, friends, and also herself. She lives in harmony with the people around her and the environment.

In conclusion, the ideal woman is kind, strong, smart, respectful, hardworking, and balanced. It’s important to remember that nobody is perfect, and being ideal doesn’t mean being flawless. It’s about trying to be the best we can be and making a positive difference in the world. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and that’s what makes each person special. The idea of an ideal woman is a guide to help us think about the qualities we admire and might want to develop in ourselves.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on Ideal Vacation
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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Girl — Girl By Jamaica Kincaid Analysis

Girl by Jamaica Kincaid Analysis

• Categories: Girl

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Words: 535 |

Published: Mar 13, 2024

Words: 535 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Table of contents

One of the key themes in girl is the portrayal of gender roles and the ways in which they shape the lives of women., furthermore, girl also explores the power dynamics within the mother-daughter relationship., in addition to gender roles and power dynamics, girl also delves into the consequences of societal expectations on individual identity..

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Looking for Alibrandi

An ideal girl: australian traits according to ethel castilla (poetry) and kate woods (film) erin coombs 11th grade.

Australia is a nation that was built from the slime of another; those who built this land up from nothing were sent here to serve their time but ended up creating a community that is known for their distinct ‘Australianisms’ - “customs or features peculiar to or characteristic of Australia, its people, or their culture.” (Dictionary.com, 2019) One of Australia’s most famous writers, Patrick White, believed that “Australians will never acquire a national identity until individual Australians acquire identities of their own.” (White, 2016) However, both Australia and individual Australians cannot possibly have one clear, distinct identity when there are so many aspects that make up the Australian identity. The depiction of Australian women is one such aspect that is made up of intricate, yet interconnected ideas and representations, and for this reason, has been explored in various novels, films, poems and other media texts. In Ethel Castilla’s unforgettable poem, An Australian Girl and Kate Woods’ iconic film, Looking for Alibrandi , Australian women are depicted as witty, charming and determined; however, Woods draws attention to the trials and tribulations which are faced on the journey to respect and social acceptance whereas...

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A Summary and Analysis of Jamaica Kincaid’s ‘Girl’

By Dr Oliver Tearle (Loughborough University)

‘Girl’ is a short story by the Antigua-born writer Jamaica Kincaid (born 1949). In this very short story, which runs to just a couple of pages, a mother offers advice to her teenage daughter about how to behave like a proper woman. ‘Girl’ was originally published in the New Yorker in 1978 before being reprinted in Kincaid’s collection At the Bottom of the River in 1983.

At just 650 words, Kincaid’s story can be regarded as a piece of flash fiction or micro-fiction. However, it doesn’t tell a ‘story’ in the conventional or traditional sense. You can read ‘Girl’ here before proceeding to our summary and analysis below.

‘Girl’: plot summary

The story comprises one single sentence of 650 words, and takes the form of a dialogue between a mother and her daughter. Although this is not stated in the story, the setting – as Kincaid has subsequently pointed out – is Antigua, the Caribbean island where she was born and raised, and the reference to numerous local foods, such as okra, salt fish, and dasheen, all hint at the story’s Caribbean setting.

The mother gives advice to her daughter, the ‘girl’ of the story’s title. Initially, this is practical domestic advice about washing and drying clothes, as well as cooking tips, such as how to cook salt fish. It is also parental advice along the lines of not walking bareheaded in the hot sun.

But as the mother’s advice continues, we begin to learn something about her attitude to her daughter: she tells her to walk like a lady on Sundays, rather than the immoral and unkempt woman she is determined, according to the mother, to become.

The mother tells her daughter not to sing ‘benna’ in Sunday school: a reference to benna , a calypso-like genre of singing popular in Caribbean countries and characterised by scandalous gossip and a call-and-response format. At this point, the daughter’s voice breaks in, in italics, and protests that she has sung benna in Sunday school, so she is being cautioned against doing something she already knows not to do.

The mother appears to ignore her daughter’s interjection, continuing to give her advice, including how to wear a different smile for people she doesn’t like, people she actively hates, and people she does like. She then tells her how to dress so she doesn’t look like ‘the slut I know you are so bent on becoming’. This phrase is repeated several times in the story.

The mother carries on, becoming more critical of her daughter’s attitude and behaviour. She mentions Obeah , a mystical religion with its roots in African beliefs and rituals, and tells her daughter not to judge by appearances. She also offers medical advice, including how to bring on an abortion and how to catch a fish, as well as how to catch, or attract, a man to become her husband.

Indeed, much of her advice focuses on the kind of domestic chores a wife would be expected to perform for her husband in traditional societies.

The story ends with the mother advising her daughter how to squeeze a loaf of bread to tell whether it is fresh. The daughter speaks again – only the second time she has done so in the story – to ask what she should do if the baker won’t let her touch the bread. The mother responds, is her daughter really going to be the kind of woman the baker won’t let near the bread?

‘Girl’: analysis

Kincaid’s story is about a mother passing on her wisdom to her daughter, but one of the clever things about the way Kincaid organises the story is the way she seamlessly weaves in moral advice about reputation among the more everyday, domestic knowhow she thinks her daughter needs to know.

The mother is concerned not just with ensuring her daughter becomes a good wife when she grows up, but ensuring that she is seen as a good woman, rather than a ‘slut’ (the word the mother uses several times in this short story) who is viewed as immoral and promiscuous by her neighbours and the wider community.

The title of Kincaid’s story, ‘Girl’, is significant because it becomes clear that the daughter in the story is actually a girl on the cusp of adulthood. This, then, is the mother having ‘the talk’ with her daughter, if not quite about the ‘birds and the bees’ then about how to be seen as a woman of good morals.

Kincaid hints at the girl’s adolescence through several suggestive details, such as the ‘little cloths’ she mentions early on: a reference to the girl’s underwear. This is a subtle allusion to menstruation and what the girl should do when she starts her monthly bleeding.

Given its brevity and the headlong structure of this one-sentence conversation, we as readers are not given any deeper knowledge about how the mother views the society of which she is a part. Does she approve of the patriarchal structure of her society, where women are prepared for their roles as good daughters, and then good wives and good mothers, from an early age? On one level, she is upholding this structure by uncritically presenting her recommendations as merely ‘the way things are’, we might say.

But this might simply mean that she wants her daughter to have a good life and an easy life, if not in terms of the daily grind of household chores, then in how she gets along with her neighbours and friends. By doing as the mother advises, her daughter will be thought of well by the community, and that will make her life easier.

Nor do we know whether she is right to return – as she repeatedly does – to sexual matters and the kind of young woman she fears her daughter is ‘in danger of becoming’.

The first of her daughter’s two interjections suggests that her mother may be misjudging her own daughter, since when her mother tells her not to sing benna in Sunday school, she responds that she doesn’t do that, implying this is an unfair ‘criticism’ of her behaviour.

This suggests – though it can only be inferred on our part, rather than confidently asserted – that the mother is concerned with her daughter being led astray, and her fears about her conduct and reputation may be unfounded, or at least exaggerated.

If this is so, then it only serves to underscore the traditional patriarchal structure of the Antiguan society that Kincaid is seeking to depict in ‘Girl’.

Of course, this would also be true of many other societies around the world, although assuming the story has a contemporary setting (if not in the 1970s then perhaps recalling Kincaid’s own girlhood, from a decade or so before), it implies that – assuming the mother’s attitudes are typical of the values held by that society more widely – there was still a strong sense of the importance of family in Antiguan society when the story was written. And a woman’s good reputation as a loyal wife and hard-working mother is important in upholding those values.

The story is also notable for its use of grammar: it consists of a single sentence, most of which is spoken by a mother who is giving advice to her daughter. The mother’s monologue is briefly interrupted by the girl on just occasions, but otherwise, this story consists of the mother’s words of wisdom to her daughter – about life, relationships, housekeeping, and the importance of reputation.

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The Ideal Girl

Introduction.

“The Ideal Girl” A 95-word essay by Howard written for the Tattler (Brownwood High School):

In the first place, she should be at least six feet tall and weigh about two hundred pounds, so she could take in washing or coal heaving at wharfs, while I took a vacation. As beauty is apt to make a woman vain, she should have a face that resembled a female crocodile with hippopotamus ancestors. As to hair, eyes and so on, I have no especial preference, but if she squinted with one eye and goggled with the other, it would be all right. Also, she should have a strong Swedish accent.

Published in:

• THE TATTLER Volume 5 Number 7 ,  Brownwood High School , January 6, 1925   
• THE NEW HOWARD READER #6 , Marek, October 1999 
• WEST IS WEST & OTHERS , Roehm & Runions, February 2006
• WEST IS WEST & OTHERS , Roehm’s Room Press, April 2007
• SENTIMENT: AN OLIO OF RARER WORKS , REH Foundation Press, December 2009 
• SCHOOL DAYS IN THE POST OAKS , REH Foundation Press, May 2011 
• ROBERT E. HOWARD’S COLLECTED WORKS , Jame-Books, February 2013    
• FRÜHE KURZGESCHICHTEN ,  Thorsten ReiB Verlag , 2014 (German)    

• Robert E. Howard Bibliography
• The Robert E. Howard Foundation
• The REH museum
• Pulps and replicas
• History of ownership

32 Qualities of a Good Girlfriend

Why does it matter that you find a girlfriend who has good qualities? Simply because committing to a relationship with someone means you plan to marry her someday and spend the rest of your life together. Therefore, it is necessary that you find a girl who is more than a pretty face.

If you are still uncertain of what traits to look for in a girlfriend, then check out these qualities that every guy would want their partner to have:

32 Qualities of a Good Girlfriend Video

1. She is God-fearing.

A woman who reveres God and considers His will in everything she does is someone worthy to be kept. You know you can trust her because she will be hesitant to do anything bad—like cheating on you—for she honors God.

2. She is trustworthy.

Find a girl who is not only faithful in your relationship, but can be trusted in all areas. She must be honest at all times, and you know would not be divulging your secrets to anyone else–even when you are not on good terms.

3. She respects you.

She does not humiliate you in the public, calls you “stupid” or “lame” whenever you fail at something, and undermines your decisions. She should respect your values and principles even if she does not agree with them.

4. She knows how to get along with your loved ones.

Your girlfriend should not only be nice to you. She should be kind to your family and friends as well, knowing that they are part of your world too.

5. She is not insecure.

A secure girl is someone who is confident in her own skin, knows her worth, and is not envious or threatened by others’ achievements.

ALSO READ: 11 Ways to Overcome Insecurities in a Relationship

6. She is strong and independent.

Look for a woman who knows how to handle herself on her own. She can feed or protect herself, and does not rely on others to accomplish something.

7. She is loyal.

Even if she meets someone more handsome or successful than you, she would not be entertaining him because of her commitment to your relationship.

8. She knows how to say “sorry”.

Find a girl who knows when she is at fault and is humble enough to admit her mistakes and apologize for them.

9. She is honest with what she feels and what she thinks.

A girl who can be straightforward with what she feels and thinks is someone who knows her value. You would not have a hard time understanding her and avoiding hurting her feelings.

10. She is herself when around you.

Look for a girl who is true to herself all the time, especially when you are together. She should not pretend to be what she is not just to impress you.

11. She is someone you can be yourself with.

At the same time, find a woman with whom you do not have to pretend to be someone else.

12. She is smart.

Choose an intelligent girl over a physically attractive—but not so smart—one. You will be saved from nonsense and dull conversations, and there will be someone to help you come up with good decisions.

13. She can make you laugh.

Find a girl who has a sense of humor or, at least, knows how to make you laugh when you are down. She can light up your world.

14. She does not tolerate your mistakes and bad habits.

A good girlfriend would not want you to corrupt your character or be destroyed by negative habits, such as drug addiction, gambling, and other vices. She will correct you when necessary.

15. She loves you unconditionally.

She knows you are not perfect but still accepts you wholeheartedly. She would not leave you because you do not have a car or her salary is bigger than yours. She would stay with you despite your failures.

ALSO READ: 8 Ways to Show Your Boyfriend You Love Him

16. She is proud of you.

You know you got a girlfriend who truly loves you if she proudly introduces you to her family and friends. She would not keep you hidden even on social media.

17. She does not keep records of your wrongs.

Once an issue has been settled, she will not bring it up again in your future fights. She chooses to forgive and forget.

18. She believes you can do it.

An ideal girlfriend supports and cheers you towards your goals. She believes in your potentials and will not question your capacity to reach your dreams.

19. She is not demanding.

Aside from being content with what you can offer her, a good girlfriend understands that you cannot give her all your time and attention since you have other priorities.

20. She takes care of you.

Find a girl who brings you healthy meals, encourages you to go on regular exercise, and makes sure you take your meds whenever you are sick.

21. She is patient with you.

The best girlfriend would not leave right away just because you fail her or because she discovers your foul attitude. She understands you are not perfect and gives you more time to mature, hoping you will eventually change.

22. She treats you with grace.

In connection with no. 21, you are blessed if you can find a girlfriend who willingly gives you second chances. Just make sure you do not abuse her kindness.

23. She is not jealous and possessive.

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity . A mature and secure woman is not afraid that you meet other girls. She would not prevent you from hanging out with your girl buddies.

24. She is wife material.

Look for a woman who can manage the house and knows how to budget finances wisely. She should also be able to take care of your future kids.

ALSO READ: 12 Signs Your Girlfriend is Wife Material

25. She follows her own dreams.

A girl who knows exactly what she wants to be and pursues it with perseverance is a gem. She is goal-oriented—and will help you stay on track too.

26. She is practical with life decisions.

She must be a woman who knows how to save money, weighs the pros and cons of her plans carefully, and decides according to what will be beneficial in the long run more than what she desires at the moment.

27. She knows how to take care of herself.

Find a girl who values her health and hygiene. She will take care of yours and your future kids too.

28. She appreciates you.

Look for that special woman who is grateful for every little effort you do for her. She will not take you for granted.

29. She has a positive outlook on life.

Find a partner who can encourage you during times when everything seems to go wrong. She is someone who is optimistic and sees the bright side of every situation.

30. She is more beautiful inside than outside.

Having a head-turner girlfriend can boost your pride as a guy. However, if you are considering spending a lifetime with that woman, make sure that she is someone whose attitude you can handle.

3 1. She inspires you to be a better person.

A good girlfriend brings out the best in you. She can motivate you to work harder for your dreams and future, plus she should be able to help you change for the better.

32. She helps you be closer to God.

Look for a partner who will encourage you to put God at the center of your life and your relationship . The rest of these qualities would not be hard to find in her.

It would be nice to end up with your ideal girl, right? However, see to it that you are also striving to be the best man for that special woman. She deserves a good boyfriend too.

Online courses recommended for you:

• Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love: Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose.
• Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships : This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.

Books recommended for you:

* As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Unique and Funny gift ideas for your boyfriend:

12 Distinct Signs of a Good Girlfriend

The whole reason we are on Earth is to be more like Him and be the best person we can be. Having a partner who sees the same thing is important because they can help us be the best person we can be.

thank you!! i think it is important to have God in your relationship he can help guide you!

wanted to read but realized this is B.S. at point 1

well the text she has to be a religious person ! it has said that its a good thing ! why do you guys think if in todays society there is no need to believe in god? a lot of depressions and mental sicknesses comes from this idea that there is no god and all these thing(i mean whole life) are just accidental things !and in this way we see whole life as a pointless thing and thats make everything( life issues) worse than what they are! look dude ,you doesnt have to be a religious guy or believe in any prophet ! but sometimes you can sit somewhere alone (even if you were drunk!) and think about your life and think about the whole world thats the time that you can find the god in every moments in your life.

I agree with Thomas! Religion definitely isn’t an aspect of a good girlfriend or relationship!

While it can be useful if two people share the same religion (as it may bring them closer together), far too often couples are torn apart for not having the same views or any views.

Hiii thanks for adding last comment seriously I always want my gf encourage me to closed to God

#32 is not that important. In today’s society, not everyone needs to believe in God.

#1 is somewhat agreeable but not vital to a good partner.

So far so good

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How to write a feminist “dead girl” story, arts & culture.

The art and life of Mark di Suvero

John Everett Millais, Ophelia , 1952.

This past Sunday, the governor of Virginia quietly signed into law Senate Bill 565 , which adds misdemeanor assault and battery as well as criminal trespass to the list of offenses for which, if convicted, the perpetrator must give a sample of their blood or saliva to be retained in a statewide DNA database until the end of time. In common parlance, this bill is known for Hannah Graham, the white University of Virginia sophomore whose body was recovered in a creek bed outside Charlottesville. The preceding nonstop thirty-six-day search was the most expensive Virginia search effort to date.

Hannah Graham’s parents were the chief advocates for SB 565. Her mother pleaded to the Justice Committee, “Please don’t let what happened to my beautiful daughter, Hannah, happen to another young woman in Virginia.” While SB 565 may indeed have prevented Graham’s death (her killer turned out to have a long history of violence against women and a prior conviction for criminal trespass), critics worry about its potential to sow more injustice. In a statement, the Virginia ACLU wrote , “It actually is a creeping assault on Virginians’ privacy and due-process rights that could lead to more bias in the state’s criminal-justice system—and even false convictions.”

The murders of particular white women are criminal events that become emotional and political events. Their deaths are often disastrous, not only for their families and loved ones, but for the falsely blamed and accused, who are disproportionately poor men and men of color, and for those who suffer from the laws passed in their names.

But it may be essential for us to articulate why the Dead Girl as symbol stirs such enormous and contradictory feelings in the American public imagination. She now drives many of our most prominent works of narrative entertainment. From Serial to True Detective , Twin Peaks to Stranger Things , Veronica Mars to Pretty Little Liars , Making a Murderer to The Jinx to The Night Of , we seem to be living in a moment when crime stories, particularly crime stories that feature a dead or missing girl, speak more directly to our anxieties than ever before.

The novelist and television writer Megan Abbott recently wrote in the Los Angeles Times that this trend may be connected with an increasing awareness of how deeply sexism and misogyny permeate our world. These shows operate by encouraging viewers (often women and femmes) to identify with the victim. Thus they function, she writes, “as the place women can go to read about the dark, messy stuff of their lives that they’re not supposed to talk about—domestic abuse, serial predation, sexual assault, troubled family lives, conflicted feelings about motherhood, the weight of trauma, partner violence, and the myriad ways the justice system fails, and silence, women.”

As someone who is both an intersectional feminist and a writer working on a book that explores the murders of two women, I am perhaps both the ideal reader for such stories and deeply suspicious of their motives. I see the ways they have opened up conversations about violence against women and sexual assault, yet I worry what it means that I joyfully consume the same episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit several times, long past the point of extracting any feminist lesson. The question I’ve been asking myself for some time now is: Is it possible to write a story about a dead girl that is not a Dead Girl story? Is there anything in this genre that can make us more informed, more free, more equal? Or do these narratives simply enable prurient access to women’s bodies and glorify misogyny?

Alice Bolin’s new essay collection Dead Girls : Essays on Surviving an American Obsession probes this ambivalence. Through the book, Bolin argues both that consuming Dead Girl shows was the way she became aware of rape culture and sexism as an epidemic and also that this same culture is complicit in perpetuating some of the darkest forms of misogyny. With each essay, Bolin names the tropes that define this troubled and troubling Dead Girl genre: a haunting dead or missing girl, who exerts a strange, sometimes sexual hold on the main investigator or detective of the story, and often on the town or city as a whole.

“The Dead Girl Show’s notable themes are its two odd, contradictory messages for women,” writes Bolin. “The first is that girls are wild, vulnerable creatures who need to be protected from the power of their own sexualities … The other message the Dead Girl Show has for women is simpler: trust no dad. Father figures and male authorities hold a sinister interest in controlling girl bodies, and therefore in harming them.”

Bolin appeared recently on a panel on this subject at New York’s IFC Center as part of the Split Screens Festival , along with Megan Abbott and Sarah Weinman. As the writers conversed, a spectrum of opinion appeared. Bolin situated herself on the side of Dead Girl shows being irredeemably flawed and problematic, and Abbott more on the side of Dead Girl shows as necessary responses to our pervasive culture of violence against women. As long as women continue to be attacked and murdered at alarming numbers, particularly by their intimate partners, Abbott suggested, these stories are important to tell.

On this point, Bolin also writes powerfully that though the genre may appear, on its face, to be about women , it is in fact usually about the numb and senseless actions of men. The Dead Girl is rarely a real human being with a real life and real complexity. She is an empty cipher upon which men can work out their complicated feelings about masculinity.

Vanessa Veselka also lodged a similar indictment of Dead Girl culture in 2012, writing in her luminous piece for GQ that “it seems our profound fascination with serial killers is matched by an equally profound lack of interest in their victims.” Bolin’s points out that these stories are often more voyeuristic than illuminating—we watch the many ways in which men hate women play out over and over on screen. But I also sense an impulse to redeem and reform the genre in Bolin’s work that gives me hope. She calls Veronica Mars a feminist Dead Girl show because the Dead Girl refuses to stay dead, and the detective (Mars) is searching for answers about her own story and her own rape just as much as she is trying to solve a murder. Bolin and Weinman and Abbott all want to take a genre that has privileged the stories of men and make it more feminist. “I slowly began to realize,” writes Bolin, “that my book was maybe not about the noir but about those forces of which the noir was a symptom, not about dead white girls but the more troubling mystery of living ones.”

In my view, Dead Girls can be both victims and perpetrators. So much wrong is done to them, and so much wrong is done in their name—just think about the Central Park jogger case. “Dead Girls help us to work out our complicated feelings about the privileged status of white women in our culture,” Bolin writes. Certain women and femme bodies become the subject of multimillion dollar industries (young, white, thin, attractive) and some barely make the news (women of color, trans women, sex workers, disabled women, fat women). Yet this intellectual knowledge seems to have little effect on the day-to-day choices of editors and mainstream publications. When I sought to sell my piece on the murder of black trans woman Sage Smith, I was turned down by over thirty publications before Splinter (formerly Fusion ) ultimately took it. I’m currently at work on a piece about the murder of the trans woman Ally Steinfeld, which is quickly racking up a similar number of rejections on the grounds that it is “worthy” but “just not right for us.”

My forthcoming book, The Third Rainbow Girl , traces the contours of the murders of two young women hitchhiking in 1980s West Virginia. Their deaths resulted in the incarceration of six poor, rural men for over ten years. The inevitable result of a good Dead Girl story is a cognitive dissonance: the ability to hold two contradictory ideas in the mind at the same time. I empathize with the women who died; I empathize with the men who suffered because two women happened to die where they lived, in a place America prefers to forget exists. The book became real to me when I realized a story could encompass both. After all, a full and powerful feminism must address both the pain misogyny inflicts on women and the pain it inflicts on men.

Critiques and defenses of Dead Girl stories invariably lead to questions of truth, storytelling, and representation. Much of Bolin’s work, as well as that of Veselka, Abbott, and Weinman, seems troubled by the very mechanism of telling tales, as if the Dead Girl genre exposed the limits of storytelling itself. Bolin quotes Janet Malcolm often, particularly to highlight Malcolm’s conviction that stories, particularly those about crime, inevitably shape “the shapeless housecoat of the truth” into something more tailored—and false. Bolin points out that Los Angeles, the site of so much of Hollywood’s storytelling, is itself an empty and incoherent story the center of which “does not hold.” A good Dead Girl story can be used to probe the contradictions of our conceptions of gender—I’m thinking here of the way Joan Didion writes about what it was to be a young woman in the 1970s in The White Album , Robert Kolker’s excavation of the role of sex workers in our society in Lost Girls , and The Staircase ’s showcasing of the ways in which any sexuality that deviates from heterosexuality is in itself considered a characteristic of a murderer.

The purpose of art is to document, reflect, and illuminate life. Misogyny and violence against women are a part of life; so are racism, classism, and the shame men often carry about being capable of violence against women. The difference between the Dead Girl story that I want to read and one I don’t is in the point of view, the characterizations, the hints as to the writer’s priorities that are made manifest in their every tiny choice. As I wrote my own book, I tried to bring to life the two women who were murdered. One had given up a baby for adoption against her will, the other came from a family of four sisters and wanted to be a park ranger. They liked the Grateful Dead and Joni Mitchell and that terrible Power Tool song “Two Heads Are Better Than One.” One had two cats named Lightning and Thunder and the other hitchhiked everywhere because her dog Jake got sick and the vet bill had bankrupted her. They were nineteen and twenty-six years old, just searching, just looking around outside their front doors to see what was out there. They were killed before they got a chance to make many more important mistakes.

The Dead Girl story doesn’t have to exploit. There is room to create art about the ways women and femmes suffer under toxic masculinity, about the ways they lived—and about the ways they died.

Emma Copley Eisenberg is a writer of fiction and nonfiction whose work has appeared in Granta , Tin House ,  Virginia Quarterly Review , The New Republic, American Short Fiction , and elsewhere. Her first book, The Third Rainbow Girl is forthcoming in 2020. She lives in Philadelphia, where she codirects the Blue Stoop Literary Center.

Essays About Best Friends: 5 Essay Examples and 7 Prompts

If you’re writing an essay and want to put your best friend in the spotlight, check out these essay examples on essays about best friends. 

Best friends are those with whom we have formed a deep and unique bond. What makes them remarkably special is that we chose them unlike with family. For this, some even consider their best friends to be extensions of themselves. 

We all trust our best friends wholeheartedly; that’s why they are the best people to confide in. And many of the lasting memories in our lives are those that we create with them. These memories could be filled with waves of boisterous laughter or even the most piercing pain when your friendship is tested.

Read on and find essay examples and prompts that could motivate you to write about best friends.

5 Essay Examples

1. how friendships change in adulthood by julie beck, 2. diamonds are not this girl’s best friend by courtney carver, 3. how to tell your best friend you’re in love with them – by those who have taken the plunge by sirin kale, 4. my best friend died: a real-life guide to coping by gabrielle applebury, 5. is it normal to not have a best friend by viktor sander, 7 helpful writing prompts on essays about best friends, 1. describe your best friend, 2. hanging out with your best friend , 3. long distance friendship, 4. cutting off toxic best friends, 5. falling in love with your best friend, 6. famous literary friendships, 7. a dog is a man’s best friend.

“Hanging out with a set of lifelong best friends can be annoying, because the years of inside jokes and references often make their communication unintelligible to outsiders. But this sort of shared language is part of what makes friendships last.”

The above essay delves into the evolution of friendship throughout the different stages of our lives, from childhood and teen years to family life and retirement. While we have all deferred a meetup with friends several times to attend to family and work, many people still treat their friendship as stable and continuous, even in long lapses in communication. 

You might also find these essays about camping trips helpful.

“My best friend is a magical, rooftop sunrise. My best friend is the ocean. My best friend is a hike in the mountains. My best friend is a peaceful afternoon. My best friend is a really good book. My best friend is laughter. My best friend is seeing the world. My best friend is time with people I love.”

This essay takes on a broader definition of a “best friend,” deriving from Marilyn Monroe’s famous quote: “Diamond are a girl’s best friend.” From having excessive material wants for every occasion, the author realizes that the greatest “friends” in life are not material things but the simple joys that nature and love can bring.

“It was supposed to go the way things do in the movies. Nora would tell her best friend that she loved him, he would feel the same way and then they would kiss – preferably in the rain. So when the 30-year-old arts manager declared her love for her best friend when they were still teenagers, she expected a happy ending.”

Check out these essays about beauty .

The essay by Srirn Kale treats its readers to compelling stories of best friends ending up in marriage and those parting ways because of unrequited love. But, before taking the bold step of declaring your love for your best friend, a relationship guru advises lovers first to read the signs that signal any reciprocity of these deep feelings. 

“Losing a best friend may be one of the most difficult and heartbreaking experiences you have in your lifetime. If you aren’t sure how to process that your best friend died, know that there are many healthy options when it comes to coping with this type of loss.”

Coping with losing a best friend could lead to depression or even suicidal thoughts, especially if your best friend means the world to you. Some coping tips include journaling your grieving process to understand your emotions and confusion better and doing things that can relive your best friend’s memories. 

“If you are happy with the friends you currently have, there’s no need to try making a best friend for the sake of it. You might have friends but no best friend; that’s perfectly OK. It’s not necessary to have a BFF.” 

Not everyone has a best friend. Some would find this fact hard to believe, but a YouGov survey has shown that 1 in 5 of the US population claims to have no close friends. The essay, therefore, explores the reasons for this friendlessness and gives tips on building a bond with potential best friends, starting with your existing circle of acquaintances.

Check out our top writing prompts to help you celebrate and write about best friends.

Begin this essay by describing what your best friend looks like and what traits you like most about them. Then, given these qualities, would you consider your best friend a role model? Your essay can also answer how similar you and your best friend are and what things you both agree on. But if you have more differences than similarities, write how you deal with them or put them aside.

In this essay, describe your favorite ways to hang out with your best friend. What do you like doing together? Describe what a day spent with your best friend looks like and which part you like most about your dates. If your conversations draw your mutual admiration for each other, then talk about what topics make you talk for hours on end and their perspectives on things that you find fascinating.

Do different time zones make friends grow apart? Or does distance make the heart grow fonder? First, interview two to three people whose best friends moved to a different country or city. Next, learn how frequently they communicate with each other. Finally, compile these stories and make a smooth transition to each one such that the structure highlights the challenges of long-distance friendships and how each set of friends gets by. 

Discarding best friends is a hard decision. But it is also brave if you feel they are dragging you down. For this prompt, you can pose a list of questions readers can ask themselves to grasp the situation better. For example, is your friend doing you more harm than good? Have you set boundaries that they find hard to respect? Then, explain how reflecting on each question can help one determine when it is time to cut some ties loose.

Falling in love with your best friend can only end in two scenarios: a happy ever after or an end of a beautiful relationship. Expanding on our essay prompt above, list down more tips to know when it is best to confront your best friend about your feelings or work hard to quash your emotions for the continuity of the relationship.

Pick out best friends from novels that formed friendships that touched you the most. They could be Harry, Ron, Hermoine of Harry Potter, Frodo, Sam of the Lord Of The Rings, or even Sherlock and Watson From The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes. First, describe what it is in their friendship that you find most riveting. Then, narrate events that served as the biggest tests to their friendships and how they conquered these challenges. 

What about dogs that some people find more lovable than others? Answer this in your essay by outlining the traits that make a dog the ideal best friend. For one, their loyalty makes us confident that they will not betray us. If you have a dog, write about the qualities that make your dog a reliable and fun companion. Then, narrate events when your dog proved to be your best friend. 

If you’re still stuck, check out our general resource of essay writing topics . 

If you want to ensure that your thoughts flow smoothly in your essay, check out our guide packed full of transition words for essays .

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

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Why I want to be Miss Michigan

Update: On April 21, Alma was crowned Miss Michigan USA 2024.

Service comes in many forms and my only limitations are the ones I accept. This has been my guiding credo, an unshakeable belief that has fueled my path as an Afro-Latina woman from a predominantly white, rural Midwestern town, to compete as the first active-duty Army officer in Miss Michigan USA.

As a little girl, I found power in my story and culture, one rooted in grit, hard work, and striving for something better. From my mother, a migrant worker from the age of six, I learned never to say “I can’t.” She would go on to compete as a Division 1 track and field athlete, a pursuit that lifted her out of poverty and changed the course of her life. When I decided at 14 to compete in Miss Michigan Teen USA, she sewed the dress that I wore — adding hundreds of beads to a handed-down gown. My mom had also competed in her state pageants growing up, teaching local dance classes to pay for her pageant fees. She refused to allow her circumstances to define her destiny, and competing served to build her self-confidence and determination to set and achieve goals. Other contestants may be drawn to pageants for their glitz and glamour, but I see the stage as an opportunity to represent the many girls of color who often go unseen and unheard, and to inspire others to free themselves from circumstances and perceptions about who they are.   

When I was 16, my parents presented me with the opportunity to attend West Point’s Summer Leaders Experience, a weeklong immersion into the military and academic life of a cadet. My father was the first Army officer in the family, and I was excited to follow in his footsteps, push my physical limits, and hone my leadership skills. From my first day on campus, I knew the United States Military Academy at West Point was for me.  

My high school peers, however, reacted to my decision with raised eyebrows and laughter. “There’s no way I could see you giving commands or leading a mission,” a volleyball teammate told me. I had recently placed first runner-up in Miss Michigan Teen USA, had modeled across the Midwest for years, and dreamed of representing my state at Miss USA. I was also a math nerd who believed in service and the pursuit of excellence. Without thinking twice, I applied to just one school and set my sights on West Point, New York.  

I arrived at my new rockbound highland home, excited to fit in with the rest of the entering class, but I quickly learned that sometimes the best plans don’t survive first contact. I was a 5’9” lanky girl, with a vision board covered in photos of math equations, designer bags, and former Miss Michigan USAs. Surrounded by students with long lineages of Army generals and West Point diplomas, I was working to become just the second officer in our family. No matter how much camouflage I wore, I had no chance of blending in. 

Walking the halls of the Academy, I would stay focused on what it meant to serve. I’d watched my father serve nearly a decade overseas and admired my mother’s tireless service as a high school administrator. Inspired by my family’s example, I envisioned the possibility of serving my country and my home state by becoming the first active-duty Army officer to win Miss Michigan USA. As I worked on becoming a skilled and confident Army officer, I found parallels within the Miss Universe organization. The Army offers unlimited opportunities to those looking to excel. Moreover, as a Military Intelligence officer, I resonated with the branch motto: “Always out front.” I hope to exemplify Army officers who are “out front” through their service, leadership, and record of achievement. Similarly, the Miss Michigan USA competition gives me the platform to inspire others to ignore perceived limitations and to demand excellence in every aspect of their lives.  

As the only female mathematical science major in my West Point class, I eagerly sought out opportunities to work on issues that have personal significance. My mother and her family were migrant workers who severely suffered from poverty and food insecurity. Knowing hers was not a unique story, I used mathematical models to investigate the relationship between U.S. nutrition and health and the Army’s recruitment crisis. During senior year, I published my undergraduate research thesis on body-mass index and its implications on the Army’s recruiting goals in Military Medicine . The Army’s greatest asset is its people and, as an all-volunteer force, we cannot be a strong, unified front when millions throughout the country are suffering the effects of food insecurity and poor diets.  

As a Knight-Hennessy scholar at Stanford, I am earning an MS in data science while furthering my research on diet and food insecurity at the Stanford Nutrition Studies Research Group. Being part of Knight-Hennessy Scholars has been a dream come true, a place where I feel loved and supported to pursue excellence in all forms. It has reinforced my belief that the only limitations are the ones we accept. In following my dreams, I have traveled from a small town in the Midwest to the U.S. Military Academy to Stanford University. As I prepare to return to Michigan and walk across the stage in Port Huron on April 21, I am propelled by the stories of those who have aimed high while serving others. If I become the first active-duty Army officer chosen as Miss Michigan USA, my success will be showing others the many meanings of service—and what comes from freeing yourself from limitations.  

Alma Cooper (2023 cohort) is a Knight-Hennessy scholar pursuing a master’s degree in statistics (data science track) at Stanford School of Humanities and Sciences. She is passionate about elevating the voices of underrepresented minorities through data science.

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The Teen Trend of Sexual Choking

More from our inbox:, emergency abortions and the supreme court, our father, who led columbia, would be saddened today, hiring discrimination, trump’s own ‘fake news’.

To the Editor:

Re “ Why We Need to Talk About Teen Sex ,” by Peggy Orenstein (Opinion guest essay, April 14):

As a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst who has worked for decades with teens and college-age students, I’m disturbed but not surprised by the trend of choking during sex.

Choking is obviously very dangerous, and unfortunately, social media has made this once uncommon practice more mainstream.

Education is the key with both our youth and parents. Yes, sexual strangulation needs to be part of ongoing conversations about safe sex practices. There clearly needs to be more accountability about this behavior.

There is a line, a boundary, where rough sex, whether it’s consensual or not, crosses into danger, causing devastating long-term effects for participants.

Arden Greenspan Goldberg San Diego

While reading this essay, I was reminded of how feminist writers and activists waved warning flags about the pernicious effects of pornography on women back in the 1970s and ’80s. They published books and essays on the subject, marched in demonstrations and spoke out in the media. They were continually derided as prudes and censors.

Decades later, with violent porn pervasive online and a generation of young women subjected to the sadistic sexual violence normalized by porn, it turns out those prudes and censors were actually Cassandras.

I thank Peggy Orenstein and the researchers in this story for bringing new attention to the issue.

J. Jamakaya Milwaukee

I taught a course on human sexuality to college students during the AIDS epidemic. When I heard about sexual strangulation, I considered briefly: Should I link this practice to arousal and orgasm when speaking to these high-risk young people? I knew that many would then experiment. I chose not to mention it, but I taught them, through role play, how to verbally refuse inappropriate sexual invitations.

Today, I hope instructors in my position will discuss with their students sexual strangulation with a potential partner and help them practice responding to sexual pressure.

Pornography makes partners look willing. Evolution favored a strong sex drive. The planet doesn’t need it anymore.

Elizabeth Powell St. Louis The writer is the author of “Talking Back to Sexual Pressure.”

Re “ 5 Takeaways From the Supreme Court Arguments on Idaho’s Abortion Ban ” (nytimes.com, April 24):

Reading about the hearing at the Supreme Court, I was taken aback at the careful attention some justices paid to ensuring that physicians whose conscience precludes them from performing abortions are excused from violating their beliefs. But some doctors are being forced to violate their conscience by being prevented from performing an abortion on patients whose precarious condition might decline precipitously without such a procedure.

Being forced to refuse medically indicated aid, knowing that the dire consequences violate the Hippocratic oath to do no harm, is an affront to their consciences, which must be considered with the same attention.

Susan Swartz Philadelphia

Re “ On Emergency Abortion Access, Justices Seem Sharply Divided ” (nytimes.com, April 24):

You write that since the Dobbs decision overturning Roe v. Wade, uncertainty about the parameters for legal abortion in several states has led to complaints about doctors being forced to “think like lawyers.”

I am equally concerned that complex medical decisions are being made by nine lawyers being forced to think like doctors.

Jon D. Morrow New York The writer is an obstetrician-gynecologist.

Our father, Michael I. Sovern , played a leading role in resolving Columbia’s 1968 protests. He served as Columbia’s only Jewish president, from 1980 to 1993, and helped negotiate a peaceful end to weeks of anti-apartheid demonstrations.

We cannot know what our father, who died in 2020, would do if he were still president, but we have no doubt he would be deeply saddened by what is happening at the university that he loved and served for more than 60 years.

We believe that he would not want politicians and outsiders not affiliated with Columbia to exploit sincere student protest for their own gains, and, as in the 1980s, he would want protesters to ensure that they do not keep the university from providing the excellent education from which he and so many others benefited.

Finally, we know he would agree that anyone expressing opposition to the Israeli government or Hamas should not make Jewish or Palestinian students feel attacked or unsafe.

Jeff Sovern Elizabeth Sovern Doug Sovern Julie Sovern

Re “ Study Uses Fake Résumés to Measure Bias in Hiring ” (The Upshot, April 15):

The study on hiring discrimination in large U.S. companies, as reported in your story, highlights the importance of social capital in landing a job, especially for people of color.

The study found that even with equivalent qualifications, applicants with Black-sounding names were contacted by employers nearly 10 percent less often than those with white-sounding names.

In a world where such discriminatory hiring practices persist, the ability to build social capital — the relationships and networks that help open doors and advance someone in their career and life pursuits — is paramount.

Research shows that social capital — and in particular, cross-class relationships — is the greatest predictor of economic mobility. Educational institutions, from high schools to community colleges and trade schools, should prioritize helping students build social capital.

By teaching them how to build relationships, facilitating connections with industry professionals, creating mentorship programs that pair students with successful alumni, and, most important, teaching students how to make meaningful requests of those alumni, we can put more people on the path to successful careers.

Because opportunity should hinge on merit, not a name.

Nitzan Pelman Berkeley, Calif. The writer is C.E.O. of Climb Hire Labs, a national nonprofit teaching students and job seekers the art of building social capital.

Re “ Witness Recalls Burying Stories to Shield Trump ” (front page, April 24):

Finally, we have a rather compelling example of that “fake news” that Donald Trump has been ranting about for years.

He not only sought to bury damaging stories. It turns out that he and his fixer, Michael Cohen, working closely with David Pecker, the publisher of The National Enquirer, also concocted and released wholly untrue stories about his political opponents (for example, “Donald Trump Blasts Ted Cruz’s Dad for Photo With J.F.K. Assassin”). So says Mr. Pecker, under oath, in a Manhattan courtroom.

James P. Pehl Marlborough, Mass.