essay on empty pocket taught a life lesson

Empty Pocket – 10 Things I Learnt and Filled my Pockets Again

Written by BusinessAlligators Support

Mentorship | money, 4 comment(s), august 27, 2016.

Empty Pocket is a situation when you can’t even afford one of the basic necessities. And in basic necessities, I only want to put Food, Cloth and Shelter. It’s my story when I missed 1 out of the 3. I faced it due to my bad financial management . I hope you will surely learn many things today about what not do that may lead to the financial crisis in your life.

Warning!!! You might feel bored in the beginning because I have explained my tough time which I have faced when I was not having money in my pockets. And everyone knows struggles are never shiny, they are always dull, dim, shabby, dark and dumb. It’s a story where I missed my food on many days due to the insufficient amount of money.

But I promise you that as you reach the 4 th point you will get excited and you will learn many new things to fill your empty pockets again, but please don’t make a mistake of going directly on the 4 th point; as a base is necessary to make a foundation.

Till now it’s been two times when I literally faced the situation of empty pockets or you can say situation of no money, not only pockets but even my bank accounts were also empty in those days; but thanks to those days because those days taught me how to react and how to behave during days of empty pocket.

1 st time- it was during my referral marketing days when I was in the Hyderabad (Indian City) to lead my group.

2 nd time- it was during the struggling days of Monarch Streak when we were not able to make any sale as Real Estate market was at its lowest in those days in India and we were very new.

Empty Pocket Never Come Alone

You might have heard that empty pocket, hungry stomach and broken heart teaches us a lot .

Yeah that’s true they really teach you many things but the worst out of these is Empty Pocket.

Because Broken Heart and Hungry Stomach can come alone in your life but Empty Pocket will never come alone. Empty pocket will surely bring atleast 1 out of the two with it. Either Broken Heart situation will come just after the Empty Pocket or Hungry Stomach will come. And yeah both can also come together.

My 1 st Empty Pocket situation brought Empty stomach. I was not at my home; I was in a city which was 1576km (979 miles) from home. I was having Rs2700 and I had to be there for 15 days.

Return Ticket was- Rs 650

Daily Travelling Charges- Rs50

Daily Meeting Charges (lowest) – Rs50

Daily Food Charges (lowest quality) – Rs100

Many times I remained hungry because it was practically 2700-650= Rs2050 and I had to live for 15 Days. I survived by eating only 1 time a day for most of the days.

Empty Pocket is a Situation Which can Hit You Anytime

Perhaps you won’t believe but I was Manager of a company when I faced Empty Pocket for the first time. That time I was studying in my college with a scholarship of Rs 40000 annually and earning 30K/ month as network marketing can be done as a part-time. After so much of cash flow also I faced such situation because I never believed in saving till that date. Actually, I used to say,

I will earn so much that I never need to save money in my life.

Because of that foolish thinking, I faced empty pockets 2 times in my life.

Related- How to Earn Money in College

Increase Your Observing Power Towards People

Before I will start explaining this point, I would like to say that I had approx 40 friends in college out of which 20 were close.

I learnt this thing during the 2 nd time of my Empty Pocket. It was actually the 6 th month at Monarch Streak and till now we completed 3 sales which were giving us 2lakhs. It was more than sufficient but that money had to come in the future, around 2 Years later. That time I had 7K(which I couldn’t use) in my one bank account and 3K(which I could use) in another bank account, my 2 nd business partner had 1K and 3 rd had 20K in his account.

We had to pay the following amount:

Office Rent of 2 Months- 60K

Maintenance Expenses of office- 8K

Marketing (as we have to generate leads for next month) – 10K (minimum which we opted)

So each of us had to pay 26K each

I called each my college friend whom I helped once financially during their days. And I was 1000% that anybody will give me money as I too helped so many people.

You know what I mean. Each of my friends refused, 1 friend said Yes with a very minimal amount of 2K.

Not only friends but even my cousins also refused giving money with so many excuses.

That time I was observing people for the first time and that too closely and started valuing people who are true from their heart not only from their face.

And Yeah thanks to Prateek and Kapil Pruthi my cousin and one of the friend. They were the only persons who helped me in those days and gave me money.

So I would say that you must learn to observe people. Don’t make 100 friends who are not true instead make 2-3 friends who can stand with you in every situation.

Related- 50 Easiest ways to make Money

Understanding of Emergency Funds

After the two situations of Empty pockets, I started reading books and articles on the same topic.

I read “ Rich Dad Poor Dad ” and “ Think and Grow Rich .”

After reading books, articles and due to the self-realisation I started believing in the quote of Benjamin Franklin,

A penny saved is a penny earned.

So always remember, always have some emergency funds (60% of Annual Earning) which you have to keep safe till your peek of emergency.

Advice- Never use that emergency money in biggest Emergency too, because you never know which situation is the worst. Moreover, it will always give you confidence that you have something at your back.

Attitude Plays a very Important Part

When everyone refused me to give money in the 2 nd time I had 2 options:

a) Run away from the situation by shutting down the business

b) Earn money by doing some urgent sale(had to pay back to Prateek and Kapil Pruthi and for future growth)

I chose the 2 nd one

My lines which I said to myself were-

Now I don’t have to deal with the shit of world and now I will show who the Lokesh Tanwar is, I will see who will stop me now.

I get into the field with all my positive energy and did a sale.

I have sold an apartment which had given me Rs 1.25 lakh within a month.

Related- 10 Businesses which You can Start from Home without Money

You Never Need Anyone to Deal with Your Problems

Within few months both my partners refused to work as both were very getting inclined towards family business as the market of the Real Estate was at worst in 2014. Stats were stating that market is at its worst after 1990 in NCR (National Capital Region- Delhi and surrounding).

I had to bear all the expenses and I was alone in my office. It was not possible to close the office all of a sudden. I needed to think as I didn’t have any family business and I didn’t have any backup option. But again I had to choose 1 out of 2 possibilities:

a) Close the office right away as I was the only one remaining

b) Again sell an apartment to earn money and got time to think properly what to do then in life.

I was again confident and sold one more apartment within a month. This time I earned 80K within a month. After that I learnt that though we look for help every time but GOD has made us enough capable that we can fight with any situation all alone. So never feel bad during bad days if you are alone, just remain positive. GOD really helps those who help themselves.

Empty Pockets Practically Taught me that You Must Have a Shark

First, let me clear you what does” have a shark” really means. It means having a fire at your back to make you run fast. Shark and Fire represent the strong reasons or you can say the True Why of your life. Before the 2 nd time of empty pocket, I only heard this thing. But when I faced the situation I Practically had only one good solution i.e. to sell any apartment if you want to survive then that thing worked as a shark/ fire to me. I worked really hard with my 100% energy with great positive attitude and made the things happen. So it’s advisable to always have a shark at your back which will make you run/ swim fast and fast with good productivity.

Advise 1 – Start investing with a definite amount every month in any investment opportunity where there is a penalty for not investing in that month that will surely work as Shark to you.

Advise 2 – Spend the whole money within the 10 days when you get it, put max amount in investment which is not allowed to take off before 2-5 years.

Related- 6 Ways for Lazy People to Make Money

Empty Pocket Taught Me To Be More Generous

During my college, I used to help people with an intention that I am helping in their hard time so that they will help me in my hard time.

But after my bad days, after watching the movie” Eraser” and Reading the Book “Think and Grow Rich” I started helping with the Intention of only Helping with no intention of getting anything back in return. I also started doing small donations according to my income so that at least I can save 2-3 people from sleeping hungry at nights. I usually become retrospective because whenever I recall them I get more generous towards the world, I get a feeling of happiness and I feel strong about how audaciously I faced those days.

Ye Waqt be Gujar Jaega (This Time will also Move On)

I have picked up this line from Old Stories of Akbar and Birbal. (Akbar ruled India, Birbal was his Minister)

Akbar- Tell me any line which can make anyone sad if he listens to it during happy days, and bring a smile to the face if he listens to the same line during bad days.

Birbal- hmmm(Thinking)

Akbar- Tell me within 24Hours otherwise I will kill you.

Birbal- Smiled

1minute before 24 Hours, Akbar was sad as he had to kill Birbal according to his order.

Akbar- Birbal Tell me the line otherwise I have to kill you.

Birbal- smiling

Akbar- sweating, sad, Birbal say it only 30 minutes are remaining

Akbar- Speak up only 1 minute remaining

Birbal- smiled

Akbar- completely sad, Please say something Birbal, only 15 Seconds left

Birbal- Ye Waqt be Gujar Jaega (This Time will also Move On)

This line is really the most healing line during your bad days which I use to tell myself. You can also give a try if you are also in this situation.

What have I Earned?

As the topic was concerned with filling your pocket again, you might be thinking I haven’t told you any method of earning money till now.

But my dear friend my greatest learning was, “It’s never the money which fills your pocket, it’s always your Indomitable Will to stand up again to fight back with the situation.”

Money is a byproduct of your work and mind. Sometimes the combination of work and mind will make depth, sometimes it will make profits. So whenever in your life you fill your pockets with money they will surely get empty. But when you will fill that pocket with Your Indomitable will along with desire, reasons, ways, positivity then your pocket will never get empty. Instead, they will start getting filled exponentially with time.

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Essays About Life Lessons: Top 5 Examples and 7 Prompts

Read our guide to see the top examples and prompts on essays about life lessons to communicate your thoughts effectively.

Jordan Peterson once said, “Experience is the best teacher, and the worst experiences teach the best lessons.” The many life lessons we’ll accumulate in our life will help us veer in the right direction to fulfill our destinies. Whether it’s creative or nonfiction, as long as it describes the author’s personal life experiences or worldview, recounting life lessons falls under the personal or narrative essay category. 

To successfully write an essay on this topic, you must connect with your readers and allow them to visualize, understand, and get inspired by what you have learned about life. To do this, you must remember critical elements such as a compelling hook, engaging story, relatable characters, suitable setting, and significant points. 

See below five examples of life lessons essays to inspire you:

1. Life Lessons That the First Love Taught Me by Anonymous on GradesFixer.Com

2. the dad’s life lessons and the role model for the children by anonymous on studymoose.com, 3. studying history and own mistakes as life lessons: opinion essay by anonymous on edubirdie.com, 4. life lessons by anonymous on phdessay.com, 5. valuable lessons learned in life by anonymous on eduzaurus.com, 1. life lessons from books, 2. my biggest mistake and the life lesson i learned, 3. the life lessons i’ve learned, 4. life lessons from a popular show, 5. using life lessons in starting a business, 6. life lessons you must know, 7. kids and life lessons.

“I thought I knew absolutely everything about loving someone by the age of fourteen. Clearly I knew nothing and I still have so much to learn about what it is like to actually love someone.”

The author relates how their first love story unfolds, including the many things they learned from it. An example is that no matter how compatible the couple is if they are not for each other, they will not last long and will break up eventually. The writer also shares that situations that test the relationship, such as jealousy, deserve your attention as they aid people in picking the right decisions. The essay further tells how the writer’s relationship became toxic and affected their mental and emotional stability, even after the breakup. To cope and heal, they stopped looking for connections and focused on their grades, family, friends, and self-love.

“I am extremely thankful that he could teach me all the basics like how to ride a bike, how to fish and shoot straight, how to garden, how to cook, how to drive, how to skip a rock, and even how to blow spitballs. But I am most thankful that could teach me to stand tall (even though I’m 5’3”), be full with my heart and be strong with my mind.”

In this essay, the writer introduces their role model who taught them almost everything they know in their seventeen years of life, their father. The writer shares that their father’s toughness, stubbornness, and determination helped them learn to stand up for themselves and others and not be a coward in telling the truth. Because of him, the author learned how to be kind, generous, and mature. Finally, the author is very grateful to their father, who help them to think for themselves and not believe everything they hear.

“In my opinion, I believe it is more important to study the past rather than the present because we can learn more from our mistakes.”

This short essay explains the importance of remembering past events to analyze our mistakes. The author mentions that when people do this, they learn and grow from it, which prevents them from repeating the same error in the present time. The writer also points out that everyone has made the mistake of letting others dictate how their life goes, often leading to failures. 

“… I believe we come here to learn a valuable lesson. If we did not learn this lesson through out a life time, our souls would come back to repeat the process.” 

This essay presents three crucial life lessons that everyone needs to know. The first is to stop being too comfortable in taking people and things for granted. Instead, we must learn to appreciate everything. The second is to realize that mistakes are part of everyone’s life. So don’t let the fear of making mistakes stop you from trying something new. The third and final lesson is from Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.” People learn and grow as they age, so everyone needs to remember to live their life as if it were their last with no regrets.

“Life lessons are not necessarily learned from bad experiences, it can also be learned from good experiences, accomplishments, mistakes of other people, and by reading too.”

The essay reminds the readers to live their life to the fullest and cherish people and things in their lives because life is too short. If you want something, do not let it slip away without trying. If it fails, do not suffer and move on. The author also unveils the importance of travelling, keeping a diary, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

7 Prompts for Essays About Life Lessons

Use the prompts below if you’re still undecided on what to write about:

As mentioned above, life lessons are not only from experiences but also from reading. So for this prompt, pick up your favorite book and write down the lessons you learned from it. Next, identify each and explain to your readers why you think it’s essential to incorporate these lessons into real life. Finally, add how integrating these messages affected you. 

There are always lessons we can derive from mistakes. However, not everyone understands these mistakes, so they keep doing them. Think of all your past mistakes and choose one that had the most significant negative impact on you and the people around you. Then, share with your readers what it is, its causes, and its effects. Finally, don’t forget to discuss what you gained from these faults and how you prevent yourself from doing them again.

Compile all the life lessons you’ve realized from different sources. They can be from your own experience, a relative’s, a movie, etc. Add why these lessons resonate with you. Be creative and use metaphors or add imaginary scenarios. Bear in mind that your essay should convey your message well.

Popular shows are an excellent medium for teaching life lessons to a broad audience. In your essay, pick a well-known work and reflect on it. For example, Euphoria is a TV series that created hubbub for its intrigue and sensitive themes. Dissect what life lessons one can retrieve from watching the show and relate them to personal encounters. You can also compile lessons from online posts and discussions.

If the subject of “life lessons” is too general for you, scope a more specific area, such as entrepreneurship. Which life lessons are critical for a person in business? To make your essay easier to digest, interview a successful business owner and ask about the life lessons they’ve accumulated before and while pursuing their goals.

Use this prompt to present the most important life lessons you’ve collected throughout your life. Then, share why you selected these lessons. For instance, you can choose “Live life as if it’s your last” and explain that you realized this life lesson after suddenly losing a loved one.

Have you ever met someone younger than you who taught you a life lesson? If so, in this prompt, tell your reader the whole story and what life lesson you discovered. Then, you can reverse it and write an incident where you give a good life lesson to someone older than you – say what it was and if that lesson helped them. Read our storytelling guide to upgrade your techniques.

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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October 21, 2016

Life Lessons in College Essays

It’s important to have a life lesson in college essays, right? A great Personal Statement wouldn’t be compelling if it didn’t wrap up with a story about a life lesson learned, right? Maybe it’s about understanding the value of hard work. Maybe it’s about understanding the importance of perseverance and overcoming adversity in pursuit of your goals. Maybe it’s about realizing that all people are, in many ways, more alike than different. These are the kinds of life lessons that make for compelling storytelling not only in the Common Application’s Personal Statement but in the unique supplemental essays for the schools to which students apply, right?

One of these things doesn’t belong in college essays: a life lesson, great storytelling, and colloquial writing. Which one is it, you ask?

No, not right. But the regular readers of our college admissions blog know that the entire introductory paragraph above was one big setup. Life lessons have no place in college admissions essays to highly selective schools. Life lessons are cliche. You pulled your hamstring but nursed your way back from injury to compete in the 100 meter dash again? You may not have won but you tried your best? Cliche. You realized that the folks in Soweto, South Africa are just the same as you and your neighbors in Greenwich, Connecticut? Cliche. You learn about the importance of love and family from your wise grandfather? Cliche.

Life lessons have no place in college essays. Let’s say it again. Life lessons have no place in college essays. When admissions officers are reading hundreds upon hundreds of essays, how many come-from-behind races can they possibly enjoy? The answer is zero. “Full House” was a terrific television show on ABC. And its sequel “Fuller House” is a nice followup on Netflix. For those not familiar with “Full House,” Danny, Jesse, and Joey often imparted life lessons on D.J., Stephanie, Michelle at the end of each episode. But college admissions essays are not episodes of “Full House.” So leave the life lesson out and don’t think twice about it.

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Powerful life lessons from teachers, collected by their students

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By training kids to interview their teachers, film them, and elicit their wisdom, Deepak Ramola is helping them gain valuable new skills and new appreciation for their elders.

At a primary school in northern India, the tables have been turned on the typical teacher-student dynamic. As a student sits across from her instructor, she gently asks, “Are you comfortable? It’s okay to be nervous.” She is conducting an interview for the Out of the Syllabus Project , an uplifting initiative that trains students to capture the wisdom of teachers and share it with everyone in their school.

Out of the Syllabus was launched in July 2018 by Deepak Ramola (watch his TED Talk: Everyone has a life lesson to share ), an educator and founder of Project FUEL (Forwardly Understanding Every Life Lesson). He wants to deepen connections by using teachers and their personal stories as tools for students to learn. “In schools and colleges, teachers have been reduced to a source of passing inspiration or as a vehicle rather than as the inspiration. I want to change that,” says Ramola. “I had some phenomenal teachers who helped me grow and learn.”

Collecting and sharing people’s life lessons is a passion of Ramola’s. His mother was a major source of inspiration. He explains, “She didn’t go to school, yet she knew so much. I remember questioning her, and her reply was ‘I have learned from life.’ And I thought if she’s learning from living, then that means everyone who is living is learning something.”

He began documenting people’s wisdom in 2009 as a hobby while he was a college student in Mumbai, and he expanded the idea into Project FUEL, an educational organization based in Dehradun, four years later. Its mission is to create a tangible, memorable experience from life lessons so other people can be inspired by them. For example, the population of Saur, a once-thriving village in northern India, had dwindled after many inhabitants migrated to live in cities. Ramola collected life lessons and folktales from the remaining villagers, and in 2017 he and his organization covered some of Saur’s abandoned buildings with words and pictures, sharing knowledge and lifting spirits.

The Out of the Syllabus project is Ramola’s way of transmitting his enthusiasm to schools. Here’s how it works: In a school, teachers select 10 to 20 students to participate in a Wisdom Club. These club members are trained by the Project FUEL team and by volunteer professionals in filmmaking, data documentation, interviewing, recording and design (the professionals also share the necessary equipment). Then, the students ask teachers about their life lessons while filming and photographing them. The process, according to Ramola, “provides the children with amazing new skills in film, research and the art of conversation. It also allows the teachers to be more honest and authentic with their students.”

Afterwards, the students design posters that capture the life lessons. The posters are framed and hung in school hallways in what Ramola calls “wisdom corridors” so that the lessons can be accessible to everyone. (Schools that have resources pay minimal fees to Project FUEL to cover the costs of filming, design, printing and framing; with under-resourced schools, Ramola’s team raises funds to help them.) “For me, the project celebrates the wisdom of teachers outside their curriculum, “ says Ramola. Instead of spotlighting educators for their abilities to explain chemistry or literature, they have a chance to be recognized for their humanity and their qualities and skills outside the classroom.

For the inaugural Out of the Syllabus Project, Ramola’s team collaborated with the Purkal Youth Development Society in Dehradun, a fee-free school that assists children from impoverished families. Watching the students — who weren’t accustomed to being in charge — film their teachers and work together was “phenomenal,” recalls Ramola. “Seeing that beautiful choreography of conversation and that dance of emotions happen between these two generations was moving and empowering for me.”

When the wisdom corridor is complete, the project enters its second phase. As Ramola explains, “The Wisdom Club students coach their classmates to do the same, to document life lessons from staff members, parents and visitors, and to share them using creative tools.” He and his team provide the students with monthly check-ins. “We support and guide them until they can take it up on their own,” Ramola says. “I’ve gotten messages from one of the teachers on Instagram explaining that students now come to them saying, ‘I read on the poster that you suffered from a drug problem, and I’m going through that. Can I speak to you?’”

So far, Out of the Syllabus has been brought to five schools in India, each with a distinctly different student body. “We’ve worked in all-girls government schools where the girls work and help support their parents. Then, we’ve been at a school with girls who come from economically sound backgrounds. Their passion to learn was the same, although their resources were different,” says Ramola. “The last school we did was a community nonprofit that serves children from slums. Imagine them getting to interview their teachers — and to be directors, cinematographers and designers all in one project and to be taken seriously in those roles.”

Ramola is full of anecdotes about the impact of their work. He says, “In one school, we had a girl who was very shy and would hardly talk. Interviewing a teacher was beyond her imagination.” Over the course of the project, he watched her gain confidence. He continues, “One day, she had to interview a teacher whom everyone dreaded. With shivering hands and voice, she faced her fears and managed to do it. After listening to her teacher’s story, she was so moved and said she understood why her teacher behaves the way she does. Seeing this girl find her voice and embrace empathy was one of the most meaningful outcomes of the project.”

Ramola shares an experience from another school. For her life lesson, “a teacher talked about a homeless person from her college days. She said that everyone, including the teacher, called him ‘crazy.’ One day she saw him with pieces from a broken glass bottle. She was afraid he might hurt himself, but she didn’t have the courage to stop him.” He ended up with cuts, and she went to him with cotton, bandages and antiseptic lotion. Ramola says, “She was very scared, but she felt it was her responsibility to help. He let her wash his wounds, and he was very quiet. When she told him he shouldn’t play with glass, he told her that he had been removing it because he knew dogs came to play in the corner and the glass could hurt them. The lesson that the teacher shared was you shouldn’t label people unless you know their side of the story.”

One student was immediately touched by the account; he told her he also labelled people as “crazy” or “mad.” He pledged from then on to listen and to help, and the other boys there did, too. Ramola finishes, “Witnessing that label get shattered in this powerful sharing was another fulfilling experience.”

Many schools have written to Project FUEL to get involved. There are nascent plans to bring Out of the Syllabus to other schools in India and beyond. He says, “We’re collaborating with a school in Antwerp, Belgium.” While he acknowledges the many difficulties posed by expanding, he strongly feels the benefits of sharing stories and creating strong teacher-student bonds will be more than worth the effort. Ramola says, “I believe that when you learn, you become a star, but when you teach, you become a constellation — not shining on your own but finding other stars, connecting with them and their stories, and becoming something much bigger and more meaningful.”

All images courtesy of Project FUEL. 

Watch Deepak Ramola’s TED Talk now:

About the author

Carly Alaimo is a writer and content specialist living in Atlanta, Georgia.

• deepak ramola
• ted talks india

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Empty pocket's teach us best lesson, empty pocket teach us good lesson.

  Empty Pocket is a situation when you can’t even afford one of the basic necessities. And in basic necessities, I only want to put Food, Cloth and Shelter. It’s my story when I missed 1 out of the 3. I faced it due to my bad   financial management . I hope you will surely learn many things today about what not do that may lead to the financial crisis in your life.

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"Made In Heaven": An Analysis of Relationships and Life Lessons

Introduction The web series "Made In Heaven" on Amazon Prime has captivated the attention of the younger Indian audience. Created by Zoya Akhtar and Reema Kagti, the series has received both acclaim and criticism for its explicit depiction of sex, abusive dialogues, and portrayal of...

• Marriage and Family

Best topics on Life Lesson

1. The Most Important Lesson I Learned in Life: Embracing Resilience

2. Life Experiences That Taught a Lesson: How Experience Contributes to Our Growth

3. A Life Lesson I Have Learned and How It Continues to Shape Me

4. Rising Above Negativity: A Journey in Music and Self-Belief

5. Traveling Through Life: Learning, Evolving, and Reflecting

6. “Made In Heaven”: An Analysis of Relationships and Life Lessons

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The Experience that Taught me a Valuable Life Lesson by EDUARDO

EDUARDOof Miami's entry into Varsity Tutor's October 2013 scholarship contest

The Experience that Taught me a Valuable Life Lesson by EDUARDO - October 2013 Scholarship Essay

Everyone has learned a valuable life lesson outside of the classroom. These life lessons might have changed some people’s lives forever. In the beginning of this year, I lived through an experience that changed the way I see life and taught me a very important lesson. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, a severe illness, teaching me that there are always obstacles that appear in one’s life for a reason and that life just goes on. To begin, I was diagnosed with a severe Ulcerative Colitis, which is the inflammation of the large intestine. Symptoms of this disease included abdominal pain, bloody stools, and fevers. It was the worst news I have ever received in my life. I had to deal with an inflammable bowel disease for the rest of my life. I would always think to myself why I received this disease at such a young age when I am only starting to live. The news was really devastating for me. After I was discharged, I had to deal with this disease, meaning I had to eat healthy, to make sure I don’t get another flare-up. I had to deal with these flare-ups from time to time. These flare-ups were a problem for me in school. I usually didn't participate in extracurricular activities because of flare-ups and was often hospitalized frequently. It wasn't until January of this year that I experienced a severe flare-up after my junior ring ceremony that I was forced to be hospitalized. What was yet to come was the worst part of this obstacle. My gastroenterologist performed some tests for a couple of days and came to the conclusion that I needed to get my large intestine removed and instead have a temporary colostomy bag. He said as well that if the large intestine wasn't removed, I would be at a high risk of getting colon cancer. I decided to get the surgery as I was tired of my frequent flare-ups. In February, I received a surgery which required the removal of my large intestine. After my surgery, I was fine until I had complications after the surgery. My digestive system was paralyzed and wasn't working properly. I was then sent to intensive care following three more surgeries. After three months of recovery, I was finally discharged in the beginning of May. By that time I had lost forty pounds and could hardly walk after being in bed for a long time. I was then home schooled for the rest of the school year and received physical and psychological therapy after what I've been through for four months. This experience was the most unique experience I have ever faced in my life. This experience taught me a life lesson that I would have never understood without going through this obstacle. This experience taught me that anything that may affect a person, whether it is mild or severe, may happen for a reason. This lesson taught me that if anything mild or severe were to affect me again later in the future, then I would have look at that situation in a positive manner, knowing that something good will come of it. In addition, this experience taught me as well that life goes on and there will be things that you will have to live with for the rest of your life whether it is a disease or maybe a death of a loved one. I am glad I went through this experience, as it taught me a valuable life lesson that I would have possibly never understood without this experience.

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MY EMPTY POCKET

Published by Manikumar in category Social and Moral with tag friend | goal | money | work

It was 8.00am in the morning.

I was getting hungry since I had no food since the last night. But what could I do? I had spent most of the money I had when I hung out with my friends. These words are what I always remember towards the ending days of every month.

Meanwhile I remembered the words from one of my friends “why are you thinking about your past days? leave it dude”. I do not remember who said these words but as I saw through the corners of my room I had nothing but me and me alone in my room.

Why are you looking up and down dude? I am hear dude! Look here, I said to myself. At the same moment I felt tension and did not know who was speaking. As I believed in the stories of ghosts and spirits, I felt the brunt of being alone. But suddenly I felt something had happened on the left side of my shirt. At first I could not sense what had happened. But later I realized it was my pocket that speaking and staring at me. Immediately I tried to remove my shirt…

As I removed my shirt, there was a mumbling that asked “Why are you feeling so tensed dude?  I am your friend and I am here for you. Believe me, I can help you! My Pocket said to me.

What dude? H..H..How could you speak, what can you do? I asked.

The Pocket replied “Ha..Ha..Ha.. Not only me every empty pocket could speak but we always keep silence. Don’t think bad about me dude? Treat me like a friend and I can help you.” Pocket said

“See you are a just empty pocket what could you do.”I said to the Pocket.

“No.. No. dude do not underestimate about me, first listen to my suggestions and it could be really helpful for you. The Pocket replied.

I shouted,” what kind of suggestions, see! You are just a piece of cloth. Why do I have to hear to your words? I was feeling so nervous and I had started feeling that there was a ghost or evil in my house.

“Do not fear. You have to hear my words dude, because you spent most of the money through me. Only today I will be with you, I won’t do anything, please listen to my words today and it would be helpful to you.” Pocket said.

Ok, I replied.

Shall we move?  The Pocket asked.

Where? I asked.

What are you doing here? Get around something and common let us go. The Pocket said.

• *                                    * * *                                       * * *

After some time walking, pocket asked me as why I have left my goals?

I replied,” It is because of money. The entire world running behind money and if I want reach my goals, I need money.

Is that why you left the goals? Pocket asked.

What about your love? Pocket asked.

I replied “You know everything about me, I was over the moon when she came to class, but I never expressed my feelings because I belonged to a middle class family. “

The pocket said “If you born poor it is not your mistake, but if you die poor it’s your mistake.”

“I can also have some of the quotes from Bill Gates.” I replied with dead smile.

Are you still you feeling hungry? The Pocket asked.

Could you provide money, I asked. The pocket had a slow smile and I know there is no money because it was an empty pocket. For a brief while, there was no conversation between us. But pocket had been singing melodies and hymning by itself.

It was Time 12.00 pm. And literally I was feeling very sick and I could not walk any more. I had faced such situations many times before, but every time I managed to get money through my friends. But this time it was impossible, because now the currency had been banned in the country and as informed it had to be 48 hours till the government release the new currency for the country. The two days was really a task that I had no idea to manage.

Pocket asked, how could you get food now?

I replied. “I don’t know.”

Pocket said,” Think something and you can do anything.”

I said “See pocket, there is no valuable things in my room and neither is there anything in my bank account. My parents live in the home town and I never ask any thing, because they also depend on my monthly wages.

Pocket replied.” Everything is possible, but it depends on your hard work and you can get money easily. Ask your friends.

How could I ask? I replied.

Why do you feel ashamed? You had spent a lot of money on your friends and they are also very close friends to you, ask them and there would be no problem. But before asking you have to say that you have lost your job and I need some money now. Tell them that when you get a job you will pay them. Take my advice and then you will understand what I am saying.

First I smiled and then I said, ok pocket.

Immediately, I called one of my close friends Johnson and said exactly what pocket had said to me.

Johnson replied, no Bro, I haven’t because it is end of the month. Please wait for one week and definitely I can get you money.

I replied to Johnson, No problem bro and said bye to him and said that I will call later and disconnected the call.

Pocket laughed out too much on hearing the reply from Johnson.

I asked Pocket. Why are you laughing?

Pocket said “Nothing! He is also suffering like you, whatever .try another one of your friends.”

Then I called another friend, James .He said “No money man. Why are you wasting your money on other things? Why are you facing money problems towards the end of the month? Save money in your bank account and it can be useful for you “and said“ Ok, I will call you back as now I have to go”.

I never expected these classical dialogues in old movies from James. I had spent a lot of money with James when we were into pubs and parties. It was not only James but with many more friends. I did not have any kind of interest in calling to other people around. In that instance I was unable to think.

In the meantime, Pocket asked.

Dude, leave about that. This is human nature.

It was 2.00pm in the Afternoon. After some time I spent walking I saw something that was happening near to a house. I asked a man who is on the way across the house. He said“A person is donating food for peace to the soul of his parents.”

The Pocket exclaimed “Good thing. Go and get some meal, you are hungry. This is the best chance. Go…go..

I replied, “See, most of the people out there are beggars. How could I go there? What do you think about me?

Why are you feeling shamed and you are losing out on your chances? You have to think fast. Pocket advised.

At that particular moment, I was feeling too nervous. I could not move my feet no more. Within seconds I reached for the place where they were donating food. But, unfortunately it was too late and there was no food. Luckily I got some of the packets filled with drinking water.

Pocket said, ok dude. Don’t feel bad. Common move on. You might get meal, somewhere or the other.

It was getting late and the time was 4.00pm in the evening.

Pocket was continuously speaking and singing but I never took notice. But, I lost my patience after a while and I screamed “Shut up” right in the middle of the street. Everybody on the street were staring at me. Later I realized, if I had said , I shouted on my pocket, nobody  would believe my words, because they don’t have any experience like me as with the conversation with Pocket. Immediately I disguised a smile on my face and moved on slowly through the streets. After few seconds of walk from the busy side of the street, I said slowly to the Pocket “Don’t irritate me”

Pocket replied. “Dude you are losing your chances, think once on how you could get your food. You have all the resources but you are wasting everything including your time.

How? I asked the Pocket,

Think, pocket replied politely.

On the one hand getting too much hungry, On the other hand you are frustrated. I can’t think so much. There is too much pain in stomach. I just could not believe the situation. Literally I sat down on the station platform like a beggar. At the very moment, I saw some of the scraps that were scattered all along the surroundings of the platform were I sat.

Then I shouted, “Scrap! Yes Scrap!

Yes dude you got it finally. Said the Pocket.

I rushed back to my room immediately and counted all the empty beer bottles and newspapers that had been stacked in the home.  There were just too many empty beer bottles in my room. Sometimes bad habits are also very helpful.

After I sold all the scrap to a scrap dealer, I managed to have enough money.

It was late in the evening and the time was 7.00pm.

After a long dinner, I went to my room for rest and went to sleep. After I woke up in the morning and as I was taking breakfast pocket was numb and was not speaking to me. After a while, I took the money and started counting on how much money I had.

Suddenly, Pocket said, “Finally you had food. Ha..ha..ha after 24hours.”

I asked Pocket, “Why don’t you speak when I am taking breakfast?”

Pocket replied.“Because you kept some of the money in your pocket.” As I said before when your pocket is empty, that is the time I can speak. Whatever how was your breakfast?”

I said, “It was fine, Pocket”, and asked “But why did not you remember about scrap yesterday morning?”

Pocket replied.” Still you did not understand what I was trying to say. For a day’s meal, you struggled too much and also thought too much, but, think for once how much hard work it would take to reach your goals. It is worth a serious though. Most of the people sacrifice their entire life and you blaming about your circumstances and situations..

There are total silence from me..

Pocket continued,” Now I am telling you a small story. A deer was trying to give birth to baby in a dense forest. It was looking for good place for conceiving the baby. Finally the deer found a better place by the riverside. Unfortunately, there was forest fire that was spreading. On to the right side of where the deer had been resting there was a lion that had traced the scent of the deer and from the left there was a hunter ready with a bow and poisoned arrows.

Imagine the situation, Deer cannot cross the river. The Deer cannot move forward because of the fire and neither to the sides where there predators weighting the death of the deer. But deer was more concentrated on giving birth to the calf. Luckily, the same instant, there was a rain that stopped the fire from engulfing the deer and the calf. Moreover, the hunter got struck with thunderbolts and died. As he was struck with the thunderbolt, there was misguided arrow that killed the lion. Ultimately, the baby deer came to the planet. So, first concentrate your work then the result will come automatically.

At the moment, I realized and replied to pocket. ”Yes, I never think about the goals, I am always thinking about the possibilities and impossibilities. Money is the second category and first I have to start working on the goals. “

In the meantime, a thug came from nowhere and snatched money from my pocket. As the thug snatched off the money, the thug tore away my pocket. I never expected this situation and tried to shake up my pocket and there was no response. I cried a lot as I stood on the middle of the road. Everybody on the road was looking at me. They though I had lost money but they really did not know what I had lost.

The day passed and it was morning at around 8.00 am and the Alarm was ringing aloud.

I woke up from bed and looked at the clock. It was then that I realized whatever I spoke and conversed with the pocket was a long dream.

Meanwhile, my roommate came around and said. ”Do you know what?”

“What?” I asked.

He replied “Idiot, our Indian government has banned 80% of the currency. The new currency will be come within two days. There is no money in the ATMs, Banks will be closed for two days. How could we survive these two days? I don’t know?”

I asked back, ”Why government banned the currency?”

He replied “For avoiding black money.”

I hastily replied.” No problem. We have so many sources.”

He asked “Sources…where?”

I said.” Our empty bottles and News papers“. There were no expressions on my roommate. We sold all the scarp we had stacked in our home and got enough money that lasted for two days. First, we went to the restaurant and had breakfast.

After that we went to the room on foot, but that time I got a thought in my mind. Why was the pocket not talking from other shirts, might be it will talk from other of my shirts when there is no money. But my dream remains incomplete. Whatever be the dream and circumstances, first I need to do work on my goals. My walking caught pace and felt as if I were running..

–END–

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My 10 Life Experiences That Taught A Lesson

As we grow older, it’s easy to forget what we have learned. But I didn’t want to forget them, therefore here are my 10 life experiences that taught me a lesson.

After entering a decade that is seen as the beginning of “the rest of your life,” I am now officially in my 30s.

Even with that rosy picture, it still felt like something of an ending, and it’s a good time to look back. After all, I have lived for 30 years now, and I’ve had my fair share of life experiences. The fun, the dull, the exciting, the painful, and everything in-between.

If you’re looking for an easy read this isn’t it, sorry to say. However, if you’re wanting to read more of a dissertation on lessons a woman on the internet learned I suggest you grab some tea and buckle up.

So, from the heartache and heartbreak to the greatest moments of my life, here are 10 life experiences that taught a lesson that I’ve found worth remembering.

Table of Adventures

1 // Everyone won’t like you no matter how hard you try.

I always wanted to be that girl in school. The super-popular one, with the cute boyfriend and the legions of friends. I’m sure I’m not alone in that envy, but even though I did manage to make a good couple of friends in high school, I was far from the most popular person in the building.

So what went wrong?

Honestly… nothing. Nothing inside of my control anyway.

Being popular was sort of a big deal to me at the time, because when I was even younger, a lot of kids made fun of me because of my dry skin. In elementary school, you don’t really understand complexion and why to use lotion, and it wasn’t until I entered high school that I actually figured that out.

By that point, though, I was already pretty shy and I had trouble expressing myself. I felt like I looked like a bumbling idiot a lot, not because I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but because every time I opened my mouth, I would say it wrong.

I’d be lying if I said I was completely over that.

But anyway, when I was 12, we moved out of New York City to Connecticut. It was only a 40-minute move, and we were still in a small city-slash-large town, but, to me, it felt like a chance for a fresh start. I wanted to be popular there, and then everything would fall into place, right?

I never became that person. Not even close.

I was friendly and met everyone. I baked cookies, said hi in the halls, and hung out with people whenever I was allowed to. But the fact is, a lot of people already had their own friend groups. I sort of carved mine out, but I didn’t magically turn into Blair Waldorf. Other girls were richer, dressed better, were part of sports teams, and so on.

The realization that it was all okay hit me right at the tail end of high school. Up until that point, this perceived competition really stressed me out, but when it finally hit me that I was going to college and that all this was going to be behind me, I realized how much energy I had wasted vying for affection from people who didn’t owe it to me.

I had great friends in high school. I also had a couple of people who weren’t my biggest fans, due to some drama or another. I had teachers that loved me, some that didn’t seem to care for me, and a whole lot of people who were somewhere in the middle. 

That’s how life is sometimes, and if you obsess about getting everyone to like you, you’re going to spend a whole lot of emotional energy and get very little from most people in return.

And you know what? I’m a hysterical, goofy person, and some people don’t like goofy. Some people don’t like my personality and that’s alright.

The way I see it now, those people then miss out on getting to know me, and that’s okay.

2 // You are truly beautiful as you are.

I also don’t think I’m alone in this struggle either, but for a long time, I struggled with how I perceived my weight. I really thought I was fat all throughout high school and into college. I have naturally large legs; muscular calves and thick thighs. Out here saving those lives, you know?

But they aren’t really defined, since I don’t run a lot. So, in high school, this just made me think “fat.” This is the narrative I repeated to myself over and over and over again. 

While I love my mom, she didn’t exactly help – teenage girls are pretty sensitive people, and when you say something like “well, you’ll slim down when you get taller,” we hear “you’re fat now, but it’ll get better when you grow.”

But then I never grew! So I just thought my mom thought I was fat!

There isn’t a specific point that I suddenly realized I was being ridiculous; putting on a little extra weight after college actually helped, because when I looked back at my pictures and saw that I was actually kind of a babe. I also spoke with my mom about this whole thing, and that was a pretty good way of putting these feelings to rest.

Even if the person can’t wave a magic wand and fix the issue, airing out things can help release a lot of pent-up emotions, so that way you can move on. It helps.

One thing I want to add is that there were two parts to this process… it’s one thing to say “wow, I was being ridiculous criticizing my weight back then, look at me now.” After that, you have to realize that you’re still being ridiculous.

Read this again and again if you struggle with this as I did: you are being ridiculous right now by being hypercritical of your weight.

I am never going to have a thigh gap. I’m never going to be built like Gwyneth Paltrow. I’m built like me. The truth is pretty simple: I’m beautiful as I am. You’re beautiful as you are.

Refusing to accept that can create havoc in your mind and in your body. It is a battle that is far from unique to me and I’m not trying to put this post out there as a simple solution to a complicated problem, but it is a lesson I learned. 

Corny as it is, loving yourself as you are is a great way to reject all the stress that the world will try to place on your shoulders.

Besides, everything is temporary. Skinny people gain weight. Heavier people lose it. We’ve all got a finite number of days on this planet, and you can spend them however you want. You wanna drop a couple of pounds? Go for it! 

Just don’t let that desire speak to you from a place of self-loathing, because life is too short for that. You’re gorgeous… just recognize it.

3 // You don’t owe anyone forgiveness.

People tell you forgiveness is a virtue and sometimes it is. Holding onto anger and resentment isn’t healthy and there’s a lot of wisdom in the old advice “don’t sweat the small stuff.”

But there are always exceptions to rules, and forgiveness is also a personal thing. There’s a difference between coming to peace with the past and absolving someone of their role in it. 

When I think about this lesson, there are two main points in my life I immediately jump to. The first is when I was assaulted in middle school and no one did anything to help. The second has to do with my stepfather.

In middle school, I ended up in some stupid fight about something I don’t even remember. On the other side of the argument was one of the more popular boys in my class, and he picked on me incessantly. In the middle of the fight, he hauls off and starts grabbing at me, choking me. 

I eventually pushed him off me, or maybe he stopped on his own, but as I looked around and saw a bunch of our classmates there, I realized that no one helped. No teachers came to my aid, no students spoke up, and, to my knowledge, he wasn’t even punished.

I know kids can do stupid things. I know he was as young as I was. And I know that all those bystanders who could have intervened were our age as well. But at that age, I knew not to physically assault someone, so why didn’t he? 

The fact is, he attacked me and they all did nothing, and when I think back on that day, neither of those actions was okay.

Different topic, but similar moral: my stepdad has never been much of a ‘dad’ to me. He spent no time with my brother or me during our childhood, he was emotionally abusive to my mother and a rather physical disciplinarian with us. 

He ran his relationship with my mother into the ground by keeping his priorities on anything and everything else besides our family but refused to sign divorce papers until only recently. And in spite of his claims to want to make the marriage work, he was unfaithful, and he didn’t do any of the work required to make those words mean anything.

That one is still a bit sore for me if you noticed, but the fact is, these are the facts of my life. I can’t change them. And I can only, in a lot of ways, come to peace with the fact that these things have happened. 

But don’t buy into that feel-good gaslighting that in order to move on you need to forgive everyone who has wronged you. You don’t. You can, quite simply, move on.

See, for a lot of people, forgiveness involves gaining a sense of absolution. You’re saying that the past can stay in the past and that we’re going to ‘move on’ from it. 

In the case of my stepdad, however, I don’t want to move on with him in my life. I don’t view it as healthy to pretend what he did to me was okay. I can accept that it happened and I can examine my own feelings of anger, resentment, whatever it is that I’m working through. 

But having this allegedly cathartic moment where I tell him that what he did was okay so that he can feel better about his mistakes, and that mitigating his guilt over the past is somehow going to unchain me from it… I don’t buy it.

I work on myself and try to meditate and so on. He can do the same. He can find a balance that allows him to look at what he’s done and accept where it’s gotten him.

And so that’s the lesson I learned. Acceptance is alright. Moving on is necessary. But forgiveness is entirely optional, and it should only be given on your terms, not on the other person’s. 

Don’t guilt yourself into forgiving people who you don’t feel deserve it.

4 // You may have hurt someone badly, even if you didn’t think you did. Sincerely apologize and understand that those people don’t need to accept it, forgive you, or talk to you ever again.

I have hurt a lot of people in my life.

Sometimes my intentions were good but were not construed well. Sometimes I went about a particular problem in the wrong way and I ruined relationships that I had no intention of ruining.

One time over one summer that I worked as a camp counselor I had a friend text a boy I had really liked (I really have no idea why I did this, sigh) that I was breaking it off with him. He basically never spoke to me ever again even though I had tried everything – sending messages, texting, calling, sending smoke signals. 

My hope was that I could tell him I was sorry, but he wasn’t interested in hearing from me.

Eventually, I even ran into him in person, completely by accident. I remember he was cordial, but the encounter was so short that I didn’t really have the opportunity to apologize. 

I also remember the visceral reaction I had upon seeing him and how it made me realize I still regretted how I had hurt him. At the end of the day, he had shut the door on my chance to apologize and, out of respect for him, it was his choice whether to reopen it or not. And he didn’t, so that’s something I have to accept.

5 // Take responsibility for your actions.

When you make a mistake, you need to own up to it.

I hadn’t intended to hurt their feelings, but that’s what had happened. So I remember talking to my supervisor and the question came up: “what are you going to do about it?”

In that case, I sat down with the kid and apologized. And I got to know them better and managed to change the negative experience into a lesson learned for both of us. The child learned that it was okay to say something when someone hurts your feelings, and I learned that what one person finds harmless can really upset someone else.

The stakes only get higher as you get older, so I’m thankful that I learned at a relatively young age that the best thing you can do when you make a mistake is own it, then try your best to fix it.

6 // Speak up when someone has hurt you, overstepped boundaries, or makes you feel uncomfortable.

This is a lesson we’re usually told as youngsters, but it bears repeating over and over. In a way, I learned it from that child I mentioned in the last passage, but it also took me several more years until it clicked that the same lesson applied to me.

Hint: the same lesson probably applies to you and your situation, too.

Some people do not take boundaries well, but at the end of the day, there’s nothing worse than having someone walk all over you. You can’t be a “yes man” for your whole life, nor can you just go along with everything. Even if you’re normally pretty easy-going, it is okay to have boundaries.

When someone hurts you – speak up for yourself! When someone oversteps their boundaries let them know. If you’ve never brought it up before, this can be how you tell them what you expect from them, and if you have spoken to them about it, this can be your way of reminding them that your boundaries aren’t optional.

Either the person will take it well or they won’t. That isn’t within your control. But if they are understanding, your relationship will get stronger, and if they aren’t receptive… at least you have a clear understanding of how much they respect you (or don’t, frankly).

7 // Find people you can trust completely, then seek help from them when you need it.

There will be times where you are in trouble. And times when you just need someone to talk to. These aren’t things to be ashamed of, these are facts of life. 

Personally. Professionally. In all things. Integrity and honesty are not traits you can fake, and you will earn more respect from your peers (and yourself) if you are humble enough to admit your mistakes and responsible enough to work to fix them. 

If you’re the one taking point on correcting a mistake, you’re also going to catch less flak for it, and you’re going to show everyone around you that you can take criticism and that you’re willing to learn.

The experience that taught me this was working for an after-school program when I was a teenager. I had joked around with a lot of the children and one child had a softer shell than the rest of them and ended up very upset. 

And speaking of ‘life,’ the truth is we all have several ‘lives’: our financial life, our professional life, our love life, our emotional and mental health… Being an adult is all about multitasking all these very different functions, but the fact is very few people are good at all of these things.

So here’s where self-awareness comes into play. Are you great at some of these areas, but lacking in others? That’s okay, it’s actually normal. Think about all the successful people who have a mid-life crisis because they ignored all their stress and emotions for 20 years, focusing entirely on their financial and professional well-being.

You wouldn’t expect a business tycoon to be an expert in dating, and you wouldn’t necessarily take stock tips from Shaq, so why are you suddenly expecting yourself to be a rockstar in all these different fields?

So find someone you can trust and talk to them about what you feel you’re lacking. Sometimes all it comes down to is confidence, but other times you can learn something by leaning on someone else’s expertise. 

At the very least you end up getting some stress off your chest, so you don’t end up bottling up your anxieties until they start seeping out in other ways.

I have a bad relationship with money, for example. I get anxiety where I’ll have trouble sleeping and my chest feels tight when I talk about it, and when I was going to school in Virginia, it really got bad. I was working part-time, but relying on my stepdad to help support me (broke college student and he literally told me he would), but when it came down to actually providing said support, the money was nowhere.

I was getting mostly As and Bs, so it wasn’t the grades he objected to, instead he flat-out denied that he had ever agreed to help.

Regardless of how much of a keeper (sarcasm!) he was, the fact is that I was in the situation I was in. And it caused me so much anxiety that it started seeping into other aspects of my life. 

It became harder to study because I was tired, and I was tired because I was having trouble sleeping, and then I tried to stop looking at the mail because the bills kept piling up and if I thought about it I would get distracted, but then I got hit with late fees, and it’s all a vicious cycle.

I only got out of that predicament by asking for help. I talked to my mother. I talked to my boyfriend. I talked to my aunt. I figured out what I could do to repay them later. And the fact is: they wanted to help, once they realized I needed it. They were more than happy to step up, but they didn’t know I needed help.

Typically what happens when we feel overwhelmed with something we aren’t very good at, we avoid it. We don’t express what we’re going through, because talking about it necessitates thinking about it. And yet, when you do talk to someone about it, you always feel so relieved, like a weight is off your shoulders.

Lean into that feeling. Avoiding uncomfortable subjects can be tempting and you don’t need to spend every day embroiling yourself in your anxieties, but it can also be a trap. 

If you find someone you can rely upon for honest advice, you can get a lot farther by trusting them to help you fix the issues, instead of just ignoring them and hoping they never explode.

8 // It’s OK to restrict access to specific places in your life to specific people.

Remember I said that not everyone is worthy of your forgiveness? Not everyone is worthy of your time, either.

I don’t say that to be stuck-up or judgmental, either. I don’t mean “the poor” or “people less popular than you.” I mean people who make your life worse. You only have so much time in a day, week, month, and year. How much of that limited time are you going to dedicate to someone who negatively impacts your life?

For example, there’s my “dad.” Less than a father, he’s simply the guy who married my mother. He’s a net negative for my life. Think Hiram Lodge from Riverdale, but not a mobster… or successful.

I’m not trying to come off jaded or harp on him unnecessarily. I’m not going to rehash all the ways he’s wronged me, or repeat things from earlier in the post. I only reiterate this here to say: this is my situation with someone I view as a negative influence in my life, who I have cut out of it.

This view of mine might be somewhat generational. I know older people I talk to tend to push back a little more when it comes to respect for one’s parents, but my question to the audience now is “how far does that go?”

I ask myself the question: “What, if anything, do I owe this man who did provide some of the financial support for my upbringing, but has also repeatedly let me down, lied, cheated, mentally abused me, my brother, and my mother; the whole nine yards? What do I owe him?”

Some people would say, “Everything, he’s your father, you should respect him for the rest of your life.” I say no. Respect is earned, even towards your parents. 

Parents get respect because they love and they care for their children, and if they don’t, their children shouldn’t be shackled to notions that they are somehow supposed to dote upon their abusive elders for the rest of their lives.

That’s not healthy. It’s… well it’s a lot of things, but it isn’t healthy.

Asking these questions. Drawing a line for yourself – setting boundaries for yourself – and enforcing them. That is healthy.

I finally got this from my mother, who decided that enough is enough. She’s divorcing him, after decades of putting up with his crap. And in talking with her about her anxieties, her resentments, and her uncertainties about the future, I realized that I echoed a few of them.

It is very easy to remain comfortable. You know what they say about “a body in motion remains in motion?” The other half of the quote is, “a body that’s napping, remains napping.” Or something like that.

Even if the behavior is not healthy or helpful, we can be tempted to stick with it because it’s familiar. And even if the person is toxic as tar, we will put up with them because of this fear of… seclusion, maybe? Loneliness? A lack of other options staring you in the face?

Since the post is about me and I don’t want to just guess at my mother’s true feelings about a super complicated issue, let me say that the struggle for me is that I have this toxic man, this miserable person, on one hand, and, on the other, I have the fact that I want to love my dad. I want to have a father I can respect and love. 

Who wouldn’t want a father figure in their life? So I have this mental abuser standing over there, who I allow into my life because I am afraid that without him I will feel lacking. I won’t have that sense of a “dad” that I can lean on when times get tough.

But here’s the kicker: I could never rely on him anyway. This idea of a father figure is one that I am going to be lacking, whether or not my stepfather is in my life or not. Whether or not I allow him to continue this endless cycle of disappointing me. 

So, at the end of the day, cutting out this man is less about rejecting that role that a father is supposed to play in someone’s life, and more about saying “you are not a positive influence in my life and I am done pretending otherwise.”

When all is said and done, you don’t have unlimited time to spend on everyone. Sometimes you even have to limit the time you spend with friends, bosses, co-workers, etc. This becomes tougher when it comes to family because there’s a lot of pressure to put family first.

My lesson for the day, the TLDR version anyway, is that blood isn’t thicker than water when it comes to how someone treats you. If your family doesn’t respect you, love you, and make you stronger, then the logical conclusion is to limit how much time and energy you allow for them.

That doesn’t have to be an absolute cutting-off, but it could be. The only one who can really decide what is appropriate is you. If you have a family member that invalidates you, hurts you, or generally makes your life worse, you are allowed to cut that person off .

Your sanity is worth so much more than empty quotes about family from people who use them as weapons.

9 // If your work life is trash, find something better, try to up your education game or quit if you can.

I remember working for a law firm, and as someone who is very lively and happy, that place sucked the life out of me.

I had a co-worker who abruptly quit and I was thrust into handling the office all by myself for practically two months before a replacement was found. I’d already put in vacation time from months prior before this occurred, too, and I wasn’t giving them up for anyone.

I was uncomfortable in wanting to say no to attorneys who needed work done that I just couldn’t get to when they wanted and they overstepped boundaries that I otherwise wouldn’t have let people in my personal life get away with.

So why did I let it go on? Because I felt like I had no other option.

Well, they ended up hiring someone to take my place even though I had streamlined processes and worked my absolute butt off for them. They hired someone to take my place even though I rearranged my days off, and stayed late if I needed to. 

All those times I remembered how certain clients liked their coffee so that my lawyers could have that little extra touch of sincerity to start their meetings? They still hired someone to take my place.

To them, it was a business decision and nothing more. But what that implies is that your feelings of loyalty to your employer aren’t necessarily misguided… but they might be. 

Women especially are pressured to care so much about our families, so much about our jobs, to always go the extra mile, but if that never translates into reciprocated loyalty, why should we?

I was in a privileged place when I left that law firm and I could try to finish my education. I know that there are a lot of people who simply don’t have the means to do so, and that’s OK. 

But if you are in a place in life where you can find something better, do it. If you are comfortable and that’s why you put up with the bullshit… update your resume. 

Poke your head up out of the sand and just make sure you’re still on the right beach.

Because employers are going to pay you as little as they can get away with, not as much as you are worth. They are not going to pay you what your loyalty warrants, either. They are not going to give you extra vacation days or pay for your health care deductible if a medical emergency comes up. 

I mean… if you find yourself working for the exception, forget this whole section, they deserve your loyalty. But for the vast majority, if you had a crisis in your life and you couldn’t work, they would simply replace you.

So if you’re not happy, consider replacing them. Stop settling for mediocrity.

P.S. If you’re looking for a way to learn information in order to leave your awful space try Coursera (it’s where I’m taking my Project Management course!)

10 // The longer you procrastinate to start something, the more overwhelmed you’ll feel. So be like Shia LaBeouf, and just do it.

I am the Queen of Procrastination.

I have had many ideas for YouTube channels that I had 10 years ago, thought about doing over and over again, and never did them. And then a channel comes out with the idea that I had and starts making millions. Of course, I then feel like a sourpuss because I’m terrified of starting something that I think won’t do well.

But, I tend to have good ideas. I suck at execution.

Even if you don’t have any good ideas, or you’re scared of the outcome, do it anyway. Bite the bullet and just do it.

I’ll use this blog, Lemonade + Adventure, as an example. I had wanted to start blogging over a year ago but didn’t think about it seriously until we were in the middle of the Pandemic of 2020. It wasn’t until I was laid off and needing something to do that I seriously looked into what I can do to support myself as a business owner. I chose to blog as one venture.

In terms of blogging as a business, if I had started earlier, I’d be much farther along already. But on the other hand, I can already see this starting to come together. 

Whether, in 10 years’ time, I’m doing this or life leads me down a different path, I can’t say for certain right now. But I’ve got lessons that I’ve got to learn. And I know that I learn by doing.

So if you are like me, then stop overthinking and start doing.

Life Experiences That Taught A Lesson Conclusion

We all have life experiences that we can siphon a lesson or two from. You have lessons that you can learn from, too. I’d love to hear your stories of experiences you’ve learned from and the lessons you gleaned.

P.S. I was super sick when I wrote this so I’m surprised I got this all off my chest. Yay me, I guess? 😛

Related Article: 60+ Unique & Thoughtful Ways to Take Care of Yourself For Women In Their 20s

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12 life experiences that taught a lesson

There is an old adage that says we cannot give what we don’t have; that we can’t pour out of an empty cup. That doesn’t stop us from trying.

As we prepare to wrap up another year, I wanted to share a bit of what I’ve learned during the recent calendar of changes. These things were all inspired by the wisdom of others. Friends who will inspire you too as you reflect upon 2019.

Seasons are about much more than the coming of snow or the blooming of flowers. They represent life and our own human struggles to do better, to become, to let go.

 Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. ―  Søren Kierkegaard

As this year passes, the seasons of being the kind of friend I wanted to be have been too sparse. But my friends, thankfully, have been generous. Some years we are able to give abundantly, and other years we need to receive. Without shame or rejection of the gifts of others. I still need to work on that, do you?

It doesn’t come naturally, this posture of accepting, though it really should. We use our gifts to help each other, after all, and the refilling of our cups often comes from the love of those around us. People we know well. Strangers who leave a kind word on a social account. Passersby who see who we really are and offer us a broader, more generous smile on the low days.

This season, let me share with you the lessons I’ve learned from people who just were going about their lives, who were never trying to teach…but their lives spoke clearly:

Lessons learned through experience

• We have value in 100 ways we don’t see. Let’s stop belittling our efforts and amplifying our flaws. All of us, right now, are blessings to the world around us. Even when we suffer, even if we stumble. We matter greatly to those who love us
• Let go of the things you have no control over and get back up . One of my childhood friends and I often chuckle about my dad’s famous saying, “it is what it is”. Now though, we understand the priceless wisdom contained in those simple words. Wallowing in self-pity is a futile exercise . The feeling isn’t wrong, feelings are just that… how we feel. We do, however, have the choice to rise again and keep going in spite of our challenges
• Our identity is not what we do, but who God says we are. How often do we lament over perceived failures in our lives? In our roles as mothers, wives, teachers, writers, etc. We forget to ask ourselves, “says who”?  The Bible tells us that we are special, created for the story we are living, important to God’s plan. In fact, the Word tells us we are enough, because of Jesus. All the other roles we play are secondary to being daughters of the King. What if we dwelled on that instead?
• Faith that things will get better takes hard work, but in time we’ll have a rich story to tell of a story redeemed. Don’t beat yourself up if you struggle to believe things will be restored. That our troubles are not forever. So what if you have to be reminded again and again? The greatest teachers in history demonstrate that faith can be painful to hold on to. Questioning isn’t bad- in fact, it can be a powerful tool to really see the answers clearly as our story changes. Those struggles to believe turn into beautifully penned testimonies because we paid attention
• We are meant to be there for each other, and that means letting the walls come down and asking for help. Oh friends, this is a hard one, isn’t it? We tend to think we have no walls, yet politely decline any offers of assistance. Often, this isn’t purposeful, we are just blinded to our habits of not wanted to burden anyone. Puh-lease, can we move past this together? We all want to help each other, and it is a gift to the ones watching our hurts to be able to come along. They benefit too, let’s not cheat them or ourselves
• Don’t own what isn’t yours to carry. What is our God-given responsibility in a situation…anything else, take it to God in prayer
• There is always something to be thankful for . I believe the world if FULL of good and beauty, and cultivating gratitude is a strong reminder that we have much to celebrate. Consider Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts , where she teaches us to keep a list where we record even the smallest gifts. What a simple and mighty weapon against disappointment! “Reflect upon your present blessings — of which every man has many — not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. ” ―  Charles Dickens
• Hard things are important to go through . We don’t become stronger without trials testing us and forcing us to flex our trust muscles . The things that are challenging have their own merit, and that is important
• People might let us down. But they don’t have the power to crush us. There are those who cause only pain…yet, what they meant for evil God can turn for good. We can choose to not let people have that kind of power over us and release them from our journey. Other people’s baggage no longer needs to direct our actions. We are free…which leads me to my next lesson learned…
• Boundaries are healthy. If you struggle to maintain them, invest in their development. Don’t feel guilty about setting them!
• Nothing is our control. Planning is wise, but the outcome isn’t always within our grasp. Hold on loosely, flexibility is a powerful tool
• Tomorrow is a new day. The sun always rises again and the clouds will part. I remember a song from many years ago that went something like “he gives beauty for ashes, strength for fears…gladness for mourning, peace for despair”. It is true my friends, don’t give up

What can you learn from life experiences?

You have known countless experiences over the past year- great joys and internal conflict. They both have value when we mine for the lessons in our extraordinary, wild ride of a life.

In the mundane, we find stunning beauty when we stop to inspect closely .

In the heartache, we see that struggle offers us a training ground that leaves us with a greater strength to get back up.

It is important to mine our moments and decide what to take with us as we say consider our days.

This year has been intense in our home.

Suffice it to say, I have struggled, just like you I imagine, to learn these lessons and to keep pressing on. My writing has suffered, my art has been neglected , and few goals have been met.

In spite of those things, our story is shifting again. The year is ending with a fresh page and a new story to be written. Beauty for ashes.

Reflecting has gives us something powerful…the understanding that seasons come and go, but with the help of our friends, we come out stronger on the other side.

Thank you for sticking by me this year, and in the new year, I have some AWESOME fresh things in the background. Dreams that are patiently waiting for their turn to become.

You are amazing, has anyone told you that lately? You are. I promise. Rest in being God’s daughter today. You are enough, right now. And so, so loved.

Resources you might enjoy:

• Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives   SO good
• Destination Simple: Everyday Rituals for a Slower Life
• Seeking Slow: Reclaim Moments of Calm in Your Day
• *Disclosure: I only recommend products I do/would use myself. This post may contain affiliate links that at NO additional cost to you, may earn me a small commission to help support this blog. Read full privacy policy here.

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Wonderful encouragement Christa! #5 & 7 especially spoke to me. And I loved the quote by Dickens. 💜💜 gail

Gail, thank you so much for sharing the specific ones that gave you food for thought! It makes my day to know that I could be an encouragement through the words God gave me to speak!

Hi Christa, thank you very much for sharing your experiences. Although I’m a brother instead of a sister I found a lot of recognition in all 12. I just stumbled upon your website looking for something completely different, but find great peace and selfesteem in realizing that these experiences are all spot on for what I’m doing and learning in life right now. Almost 16 moths ago I threw away my big furry coat of denial and reached out for help against my addiction. The three words that came into my life were Gratitute, Balance and HOW (Honesty, Openness and Willingness). Now I start experiencing my thinking and feeling coming out of the swamp and seeing all your 12 experiences in my daily recovery gives me strenght and faith. #1 still feels like the hardest nut to crack, but thank you for your way of (re)framing it.

Gratefully yours, Martijn

Hello Martjin! What a delight for you to share a bit of your story for me. May God RICHLY bless you in your journey ♥ Blessings, CHrista

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