misunderstanding in family essay

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Family Conflict (Essay Sample)

Family conflict.

It is normal to disagree with one another from time to time. Intermittent conflict is part of family life . Family members can disagree when they have different beliefs or views that clash with the interests of others. However, family conflict can be stressful and damage the relationships among family members especially when the members are prone to misunderstanding one another and jumping to wrongly skewed conclusions. The result may be unresolved conflicts that manifest in continuous arguments and end in resentment. Intense family conflict can lead to break-ups and dissolution of marriages or separation of siblings and everlasting disunity even in important matters that affect the family members.

Family conflicts arise for various reasons. Finance and jobs are the main causes of family conflicts. Failure to secure a good job that earns the breadwinner significant income to pay for bills, service mortgages or pay rent, buy food, and fund recreation activities for the family members is the main cause of conflict between the spouses and by extension the siblings. Most often, one of the spouses will tend to believe that the other spouse is spending the money  elsewhere and is not caring for them and begin to quarrel. Also, where one of the spouses is engaged with a job that keeps him or her away from the other spouse and the children will feel neglected and incite conflict. Similarly, if the breadwinner loses the job, the family members are likely to be stressed and quarrel as their future financial situation becomes uncertain.

Apart from finances and jobs, family conflicts could arise from sibling rivalry. Siblings will naturally compete with one another for parental approval or attention. Such competition may involve causing harm to others, teasing one another, or tattling. Either of such practices will eventually result in conflict among the siblings, especially where the parent does not intervene and uphold equality among the siblings through showing equal love and acceptance for all.

In addition to finance, jobs, and sibling rivalry, lack of patience and understanding among the family members is another cause of conflict. The sustainability of families requires patience from both members since there are events that occur along the way which could be unfavorable. For instance, at some point, a breadwinner may lose his or her job. Family members ought to be patient and understand the situation as they await a resolution to the situation. Most often, the other spouse would be impatient and rush to conclude that the family has lost direction leading to quarrels and conflict in the family.

Since family conflicts are inevitable, there should be ways of resolving or avoiding the conflicts to avoid the adverse effects of these conflicts. One of the ways to resolve family conflicts is to be patient and slow to quarrel. Holding the tongue for a few seconds can be a great step towards resolving a conflict. Spouses can calm down and think of better ways to respond to a situation or a developing conflict. With patience, a better thought solution can be offered to resolve a conflict than quickly rushing to fight with one another. Also, family members can avoid conflicts by getting hard on their problems and not just blaming one another. Avoiding the blame games opens room for concessions and allows the family members to work together in finding solutions to their problems.

Overall, family conflicts can easily be predicted as they develop from obvious issues such as finance, jobs or sibling rivalry. As a family head, one ought to keep track of these issues and be in the leading line to offer solutions to such problems before the conflict arises. Patience and understanding are crucial for all family members if conflicts are to be avoided.

Conflict Communication in Family Relationships Essay

Types of relationships, nature of conflict, conflict goals, interdependence in family relationships, power perception.

Conflict is a part of normal human communication. Though many attempts and strategies are developed to avoid or resolve conflicts, it is hard for people to understand the nature of their conflicts and find an effective resolution in a required period. In this paper, a reflection on conflict communication in personal relationships will be developed to clarify which concepts have to be used by people who perform different goals to learn from ordinary conflict situations and avoid similar problems in their future.

A variety of relations that people are free to develop is impressive indeed. People may be involved in numerous business relations and follow definite rules and standards. There are also many unexpected outcomes of love relationships. Family relationships also play an important role in human lives. Despite the type of relations, there is always a threat of having a conflict situation. Not many people are ready to take the right steps and choose appropriate methods of conflict resolution.

The development of trustful and strong personal relationships is a goal millions of people strive for. Personal relationships make human lives fulfilled. Family relations turn out to be a frequent subject of psychological research. Conflicts or friction in families is a normal part of everyday life because parents may use irritable behavior or wrong communication style with their children, spouses may fail to deliver their messages in a proper way, and children cannot control their unwanted actions (Sears, Repetti, Reynolds, Robles, & Krull, 2016). People want to resolve all conflict situations as soon as possible or, vice versa, develop them to a certain extent. In such relations, a family of origin is a crucial concept for consideration because it defines the way of handling conflict.

In family relations, different conflicts may be developed. As a rule, a possibility of people to understand their goals, roles, and obligations determine a level of family relations’ development. One of the most dangerous and unpredictable types is unresolved conflict. It is characterized by a certain negative impact on all parties and the possibility to develop drifting in family relations (Wilmot & Hocker, 2014). Unresolved conflict is a situation resulted from a quarrel, a talk, or an action that offenses or disturbs one party and remains to be unsolved at the moment. This concept has to be discussed in terms of family relationships and used for improving conflict communication.

When people are involved in one or even more unresolved conflicts, it is hard for them to communicate, share their intentions and interests, and achieve required positive results. For example, there is a situation when a child demonstrates his intentions to be involved in a particular activity but does not get permission from his parents. Without an ability to prove his interests and goals, he fails to prove his position. Parents underline the importance of respect and their power in these relationships. As a result, a child suffers from uncertainty, frustration, and poorly developed communication skills. The conflict remains to be unresolved. Certain problems are not solved. The development of personal contradictions and uncertainty is promoted. The child loses his desire to do something and to demonstrate his passion for something because of the existing power of his parents. In such type of personal relationships, parties face a number of challenges, including the necessity to understand conflict goals regarding its type, explain the essence of power in communication, and investigate the worth of interdependence in conflict.

Conflict communication is an important part of human relations because it is impossible to ignore the fact that people may have incompatible goals the accomplishment of which by one party interferes with the interests and actions of another party (Wilmot & Hocker, 2014). People in conflict have to be ready to analyze their situations and problems to achieve the goals and come to a certain conclusion. As a rule, any conflict is characterized by TRIP goals which including the clarification of a topic, relationships, an identity, and a process. Such concept as TRIP goals helps people understand their conflict and investigate it from different perspectives.

For example, there is a situation in a family with a wife who wants all her family visiting her parents, a father who wants to go fishing, and two children who want to stay at home on weekends. A topic is the same for all family members – what to do on weekends. All family members perform their roles and have certain responsibilities. The relations in the family are characterized by equality, and identity conflict can hardly take place. It is necessary to pay attention to process goals of a conflict and provide each family member with an opportunity to speak and prove the chosen position. This conflict may be solved as soon as one of the parties succeeds in presenting enough facts to support the chosen position and disprove the importance of other positions.

The identification and analysis of TRIP goals are effective for working in teams where a number of opinions occur at the same time, and one specific solution should be made to avoid complications.

In the same situation, such concept as interdependence cannot be ignored. Wilmot and Hocker (2014) begin their discussion stating that a person should be fair and generous even in conflicts. Such attitudes can be explained by the existing interdependence. It is usually present in all conflicts because it is an integral part of human relations. Conflict parties are interdependent because if they are not, they do not have common interests to argue about.

It is necessary to respect and understand interdependence. As soon as it is used in conflict resolution, people demonstrate their high level of knowledge, professionalism, and readiness to cooperate. This concept improves conflict communication in a family because it reminds all members that they are connected, and this connection has its own prices. Interdependence may have positive and negative outcomes in a conflict. On the other hand, all parties have to stay together to find out a solution and make sure that all interests and goals are considered. On the other hand, such interdependence is a weakness that may deprive some family members of an opportunity to protect the chosen position. For example, children understand that they are dependent on their parents regarding their financial situations and have to follow what their parents want. A mother can underline the role of grandparents in a family and use interdependence as a type of responsibility. A father may explain entertainment on weekends as an argument to support his option.

Regarding such doubtful nature of interdependence in family conflicts and many factors that determine the quality of child-parent relations (Sears et al., 2016), it is necessary to admit that healthy approaches to solve conflicts while working in a team are rare, and much work has to be done to understand the nature of this conflict.

The last crucial concept in conflict communication in a family where each member pursues their own purposes is power. Wilmot and Hocker (2014) define power as a fundamental aspect of conflict theory because its perception influences the development of all types of relations between people. If one of the parties has power, it is usually impossible to agree on something. Power is a serious weapon in conflict resolution. If a person decides to use power, there is a threat that a conflict may stay unsolved even it is passed. For example, the father can use the fact that he is a head of a family, his work and obligations have to be appreciated, and he deserves the right for fishing. At the same time, he can say that it is his decision, and no one can disprove it. Any family member can hardly change such position. Father’s power plays a crucial role, and the outcomes of its usage cannot be predicted.

In general, the development of personal and professional relationships is not an easy task for many people. A number of rules have to be considered, certain goals should be met, and various outcomes may be achieved. It is not enough to have some theoretical knowledge and be confident in personal abilities to develop strong, free-from-conflict relationships. It is necessary to learn the goals of conflict and the role of such concepts as power, interdependence, and the type of relations in order to succeed in conflict management and prove that conflict communication is an important concept for future research.

Sears, M.S., Repetti, R.L., Reynolds, B.M., Robles, T.F., & Krull, J.L. (2016). Spillover in the home: The effects of family conflict on parents’ behavior. Journal of Marriage and Family, 78 (1), 127-141.

Wilmot, W., & Hocker, J. (2014). Interpersonal conflict. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

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Bibliography

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Table of Contents

Being part of a family can be pretty beneficial as it brings you love, security, and support. Family members who understand and appreciate you can help you overcome many challenges that life throws at you. But sometimes, there can also be conflict .

It’s common for family members to have disagreements. While conflicts are rather natural, healthy, and unavoidable, when they remain unresolved or escalate, they can become a significant cause of stress and problems in relationships.

Family conflicts can be particularly distressing because they are so deeply personal. You may feel tied to your family and unable to distance yourself or let go. Besides, when certain problems arise over and over again for many years, it can be easy to get stuck in familiar patterns of interaction.

If conflicts have become a problem in your family and you’re struggling to find ways to resolve them, this article will give you some tips that might help.

We also asked Tiffany Lovins , a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at Calmerry , to share some insights into this subject. But before we tell you how to deal with family conflicts, let’s first take a quick look at some of the most common causes.

Causes of family conflict

“ Belonging to any part of a group or system naturally creates an environment that is rich with individual differences in wants, needs, beliefs, and values, ” explains Tiffany and goes on, “ Our own family system is no different in this regard and is often even more complicated due to the closeness of these relationships and the interdependence that exists in a family unit. ”

Tiffany also notes that the underlying causes of conflict may not be obvious: “ There are several primary causes of family conflict that are most often experienced, though they all hold an underlying theme regardless of the topic at hand. The top causes for conflict are often finances, child-rearing, and discipline, involvement of in-laws, sibling rivalry, or push for autonomy within the family unit.”

“Regardless of the cause, all contain an underlying theme of incongruency in expectations and communication that ultimately lead to conflict in these areas. ”

Lack of communication

One of the most common factors that trigger conflict in a family is a lack of open communication . Without effective communication, it becomes difficult for family members to make sure that their needs are met, and their boundaries are respected.

The lack of communication may also make a person feel like their needs and desires are not worth sharing. As a result, family members may get stuck in a vicious circle where previous communication problems create new ones .

Family duties

Family conflicts also often stem from responsibilities. Misunderstandings may arise from the way family members divide household chores and other responsibilities.

For instance, there might be arguments regarding who is supposed to take care of children or elderly family members . Although these are often small conflicts, they may last for a long time if left unresolved.

Disagreements related to financial issues can have a severely destructive impact on all kinds of relationships, including those between romantic partners and family members. Spouses and siblings often argue over money management. And the situation may get even more difficult if there are any inheritance issues in the family.

Differences in values

This is a very common cause of conflict between romantic partners and between parents and their children. People may hold different opinions regarding politics, morals, culture, etc. There is often a greater risk of this as children shift into developmental stages, where strengthening their independence and identity take center stage.

As a result, partners or family members may lose the sense of unity, and the whole family dynamics may shift in a negative direction.

Blended families

When two families start to live together, they enter a risky area because the more people are involved, the more likely things may go wrong.

Given that even people who’ve shared the same roof for years may have serious conflicts, it’s no surprise that the situation might get more complicated when introducing new people – each with their unique needs, views, and habits.

This can be further complicated if the children have multiple households where different expectations and rules are held.

Goals and expectations are out of sync

“ There are often unspoken rules, norms, and beliefs about everyone’s role in the family and resulting expectations attached to each role ,” explains Tiffany Lovins , “ When these expectations and needs of the individual are not openly communicated and aligned, it can result in each member reacting on assumptions and emotions, thus creating a breeding ground for conflict. ”

The counselor adds, “ Once this is put into motion, each individual tends to resort to their default communication style, which further alienates each person from the other. Some may become passive and shut down. Others may attack or respond aggressively. ”

Tiffany notes that this way, the mutual goals of the family can be lost in the process. And this increases the vulnerability of each to blame and attack rather than partnering together to address concerns.

“ Identifying and stating openly that the mutual goal is always to create a space of health and happiness for each individual and the family can be a great starting point for difficult conversations, ” comments Tiffany.

How to resolve family conflicts

No matter what caused a particular argument, it’s important to know how to prevent further escalation and minimize the probability of such conflicts happening in the future.

Here are the 10 essential tips for navigating family conflicts and improving your communication skills.

1. Accept what you can and cannot control

No matter how much you may want to, you cannot control the behavior of others. But you can control how you respond . Think of the conflicts you’ve had in the past, how you reacted, and what the outcomes were.

If the results didn’t match your expectations, reflect on your approach and if it accurately reflected your intended need or request in a way that maintains your self-respect and the respect of the relationship. If not, try responding differently next time, and hopefully, it will have a more positive effect.

Changing the way you respond makes you less predictable, making it harder for others to trigger or manipulate you into conflict. Suppose you have engaged in communicating as effectively as you can, and it is still not well received. In that case,  this may indicate a need to redefine the boundaries and expectations in this relationship .

2. Let any anger subside

It’s better to let things calm down before trying to resolve a conflict so that you can have a rational and constructive conversation. When emotions are high, the functional part of our brains goes offline, and it truly makes it hard to have a reasonable discussion with effective solutions . Try talking in a calm tone and put any emotions aside.

If you try to resolve a conflict while people are angry and lashing out, such attempts may fail or even worsen the situation further. Remember, the goal here is not to win an argument but to find a healthy and mutually beneficial resolution.

3. Try to understand other family members’ perspectives

It’s important to give other family members a chance to express their views without being interrupted. And you should also request an opportunity to do the same

Listen actively: try to understand things from other peoples’ perspectives and then identify what you could do differently to help resolve the conflict. Listening to others and having empathy is a way to be fair and gain valuable insights. It’s not about submitting or caving to the demands of others.

4. Understand how it affects the whole family

It’s easy to get caught up in a conflict without realizing how much it’s affecting those around you. For example, when parents argue, children can often pick up on their stress and mood changes, even if they try to hide them.

However, when the family members involved in a conflict understand how it’s hurting the rest of the family, they’re more likely to be open to finding a resolution.

5. Use “I” instead of “you”

When you’re attempting to resolve a conflict, “you”-statements may sound like accusations, triggering a defensive response and making it harder to connect.

Use “I”-statements and talk about how you feel instead. You’ll be less likely to trigger other people’s defenses while highlighting your personal perspective, your emotions, and the critical issues you need to work through.

6. Recognize that some issues aren’t worth fighting over

Not every issue is worth fighting over. For example, if your partner or kids did something trivial that bothered you, such as not putting the bins out, consider whether such an issue would be worth getting into an argument about.

Remember, accidents can happen, people can forget, everyone makes mistakes, and not everything is done to hurt you intentionally.

However, this doesn’t mean you should tolerate toxic or abusive behavior . And you have the right to be concerned and speak up if you often moderate yourself because of the fear of other family members.

7. Try reaching out rather than withdrawing

If you see other family members as a threat, you may withdraw as a way to protect yourself. However, isolating yourself can prolong the issues between you and make it harder to resolve the conflict.

So, when you feel like withdrawing, try being the bigger person and reaching out instead. Taking a risk and making the first move often pays off, giving you and other family members a chance to resolve things and reconnect.

8. Work as a team

A healthy family is a solid unit, but families consist of multiple people . Even couples without children may run into conflicts of interest. And the situation may not get any easier if people have children or live with other relatives.

To ensure mutual understanding and support, it’s important to agree on common goals and everyone’s individual contribution.

“ Making an effort to have intentional conversations about expectations of each other and each person’s role in meeting these goals is critical, especially as each individual evolves (and so do their needs and capabilities), ” explains Tiffany Lovins.

9. Seek professional help and support if needed

For many people, family is a major part of their lives, and they consider it worth investing in to get it right. Seeking impartial guidance and the help of an expert can help you and your family work through any challenges effectively.

Whether it’s relationship therapy to help build a healthy romantic relationship or online counseling to improve your anger management skills, there’s professional support available for all types of issues.

Those stuck in toxic relationships can also benefit from emotional abuse help .

10. Minimize or end contact completely if nothing helps

While it often pays off to reach out rather than withdraw, some conflicts are simply unresolvable, and you’re better off minimizing or ending contact entirely.

This applies particularly to situations where abuse has occurred, and you expect it could continue in the future. Ending contact is usually the last option, but it’s worth considering if your or your loved one’s health and well-being are at risk.

If you’re a victim of abuse, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline . If you’re in immediate danger, please call 911.

While family conflicts can cause considerable distress and anxiety , finding a healthy resolution is often possible. Remember to let things cool off first and try to consider other family members’ perspectives. Improving your conflict resolution skills is a worthwhile endeavor that could help you in many areas of your life.

If you need additional support, seeking the help of a professional is always a wise choice. Here at Calmerry , our online therapists are ready to work with you individually to resolve any emotional problems you have and improve your mental well-being.

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Defining Success: --> Handle Misunderstandings with Parents

This article was written by Youth Advisory Board member Ilana Ginsburg with contributions by fellow member Ranen Miao.

Dealing with Misunderstandings

Misunderstandings happen in any relationship. If not dealt with appropriately, they can lead to conflict or frustration. To avoid a cycle of miscommunication with your parents, try putting yourself in their shoes.

Consider their side of the argument. It will show you are mature and thoughtful — that you are preparing to have an informed discussion, rather than an argument. Even if you disagree, it helps to know what the source of their frustration may be.

Parents Want What’s Best for You

The first step in working through miscommunications is to consider why your parents might make certain choices. In most situations, your parents are trying to do what they think is best for you. An acknowledgement that they are trying to act in your best interest is a first step towards diffusing a fight.

Intention vs. Action

We have a tendency to judge ourselves through our intentions, but others through their actions . Take a moment to really think about this statement because it might apply to one of your experiences. You may have said something that hurt a friend’s feelings but immediately thought to yourself, “Oh, no! That’s not what I meant or how I meant it, I promise!” Your friend, however, may not have understood and took your words and actions at face value, without considering your true intention.

With your parents, try to take a step back and consider their intent. They love you and truly want what’s best for you. They’re trying, and that’s the most you can ask of anyone.

After reflecting, try having a conversation about what their intentions may have been. Tell them, “It seems like we disagree about this, but I’m having trouble understanding your perspective. Could you help me understand where you’re coming from?” Make sure you really listen to their answer. Then you can offer your point of view.

Conversations can never hurt as long as we approach them from a good place. Try to talk when you feel calm and level-headed. This will help you stay clear and rational during the conversation and will help your parents be more receptive of your thoughts. See our piece on How to Talk to Parents About Something Important for more communication tips.

Turn Misunderstandings Into Positive Discussions

Realize that your parents are only human. You and your parents will disagree or misunderstand each other sometimes — that’s just the way any relationship works. Your task is to transform these misunderstandings into positive discussions. You can improve your relationship with your parents by improving your communication. Listen without judgment. Consider their point of view. Clearly articulate yours. Give parents the benefit of the doubt and they will return the favor.

Thoughts From Members of the Youth Advisory Board

“One of the most heated fights I’ve ever had with my parents was when we clashed about how I balance my life. I have always been more of an extracurriculars type of person. There’s nothing I detest more than hours upon hours of homework, studying, and assignments.

In the middle of sophomore year, my parents decided to confront me about slipping grades. From first marking period, my grades had fallen (probably because I was having debate tournaments every weekend). They sat me down, and told me very bluntly, ‘You need to focus more on school.’

Of course, no one enjoys hearing those words. For two hours, we talked about how unfair the American education system is and about the importance of my extracurricular work. My parents saw what I did as a nuisance: distractions that would hinder my ability to get into a college and take away precious time from studying, resulting in a subpar GPA and report card.

It was at this point that I pointed out, ‘I respect both of your opinions. I know you want me to do better. And I know you want the best for me. I have listened and I hope you will let me make my own decisions. I want you to support what I choose in high school, and I want you to let me accept any consequences of my actions.’

Suddenly, the tones of my parents mellowed out a lot, and a screaming match turned into a real discussion. We agreed on a few things. College and school are important! So are the clubs that I love. We agreed that I could stay in my non-academic activities, as long as I spent more time studying than on binging Netflix shows. That’s a compromise that we’ve kept up to this day.”

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Mind Reading

How to resolve a misunderstanding, use these communication tips for getting along with anyone..

Posted July 22, 2015 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

The majority of conflict can often be traced to a simple misunderstanding. Pride, however, gets in the way as some people falsely believe that to misunderstand somehow implies fault, ignorance, lack of intelligence , and/or not having a grasp on reality. Reality is subjective. Every single person has a different point of view based on experience, triggers, culture, and a host of other items. The key in healthy communication is to understand how difficult communication can actually be and to seek to bridge the inevitable barriers that lead to misunderstanding.

To illustrate, one of my favorite examples of a misunderstanding that nearly broke a relationship was the story of my mom and dad’s first (almost) date.

My parents were teenagers when my mom moved to the same street two doors down from my father. A beautiful bright-eyed teenager with a big heart and sensitive soul, my father was immediately smitten yet took some time to become friends and then asked her out. Excited for her date, my mother spent all day with her best friend shopping in downtown San Francisco for the perfect outfit and getting her hair and makeup done. After the long day of girl fun and date prep, my dad stopped by to discuss the date details (it was a couple’s date) and time he’d come back to get her. He then asked her the fatal question that could have broken them up before they even got started (which felt extra scary when my mom told the story as it meant my brother, sister and I wouldn’t have been born)—he asked what she was going to wear. My mom was already dressed in her new outfit that she spent all of her money on and would recount that it was the nicest item she owned. She felt mortified and inadequate by his question, so she lied and said she didn’t know what she’d wear. Later she phoned him and said she wasn’t feeling well and backed out of the date. He thought she wasn’t interested in him and took someone else out instead that night. I’m not even sure when the truth came out or how they managed to work past all of that. Yet, somehow they did and perhaps that episode helped them realize that you can’t always believe what you think the other person is communicating.

In the book, “The Art of Listening,” Michael Nichols describes that even the simplest communication has multiple components that run the risk of creating misunderstanding: the listener and the speaker, their different points of view, the words they speak and the different meaning each word has for each person, the implicit message (intent versus actual words), the context, and the process of flow. Moreover, the process is more circular in nature yet might be interpreted in a more linear fashion. If this doesn’t sound complicated enough, imagine adding lots of emotion , expectations, fears, and triggers. Again, it’s a miracle any message can get across to anyone .

In addition, Nichols says that we are trained not to say what we mean from an early age. He describes that as a child, he was taught not to ask for anything at someone’s house. If he was thirsty, he would try to look extra thirsty. If offered a glass of water, he would politely decline. Then, only if they insisted, would he graciously accept the offer.

We are like perpetual people pleasers hoping the other person can read our minds and understand the game and art of mindreading. The problem is the game does not work and we generally get things wrong—no matter how “in tune” we are with others.

Listen . While seemingly obvious, many people begin crafting their reply without really listening to the other person. Or they become so emotionally charged that they are hearing the person through filters from their past or from what they think the person is saying. In addition, listen to the entire content the person is conveying. Oftentimes, people hear the beginning sentences and jump on that conclusion without realizing the person was going to go in a different direction.

Repeat . Try not to echo, yet take the time to repeat what you’ve heard and ask if that is what the person is conveying. Don’t be afraid to say “Did I understand you correctly? Are you preferring that we go to the movies instead of dinner?” or “Are you concerned that we won’t make the deadline, so you want to get a better grasp of what we’ve done to date and how long it will take?” Or, if it feels like the person is saying one thing while really expressing something else (the meta-message), you can respond with, “It might be me, yet you seem a little distant and I realize I’ve been preoccupied lately. Is that what’s bothering you or is there something else that’s weighing on your heart?”

Share. Communication is a two-way street. When one person opens up and shares their experience, reciprocate. “Oh that is how you felt. This is what I was experiencing…” Be vulnerable and do your best to articulate your feelings. Lose the pride, as pride is the enemy of honest communication.

Be flexible. Know that in spite of all of your efforts, there may still be a misunderstanding. That’s okay. Every person has a different point of view, so no two people see things exactly the same. There is no right or wrong, just the mutual sharing of different experiences on the journey of life.

Say "I," not "you." "I statements” are powerful because they keep you where you belong—speaking your feelings from your point of view and sharing your own experience. We can’t speak for others. Only they can share their feelings. We can say we were hurt by a behavior but it crosses a line when we accuse or blame the other person. However, we can say another person’s behavior doesn’t work for us because it makes us feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Telling the other person they are wrong for doing the behavior or telling them what they feel is not our business or our place (because we actually don’t know). As my good friend Rod says, “Stay in your own hula hoop.”

Learn. You’ve had a misunderstanding. Perhaps it was even cataclysmic. Grow and learn from it. Use it to foster closeness in that relationship or others. Definitely use it to create a greater awareness of what you think and feel and how you speak and listen. We are all in this life to learn and grow, so be gentle on yourself and trust the process.

Pause. If a conflict does occur as a result of a misunderstanding, give it time. Either pause a moment before reacting and try to gather clarification so you can respond , or ask for time to process. Either way, time heals all wounds—eventually.

Use these tips and keep trying. Enjoy the good feelings when you feel understood and can understand the other person, and learn from the times misunderstandings occur. The most basic need of humankind is the need for others and a sense of belonging and connectedness, so working on your listening and communication skills is truly the best gift you can give yourself and the world. We all need each other.

Kimberly Key, Ph.D., is past division president of the American Counseling Association and author of Ten Keys to Staying Empowered in a Power Struggle.

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By Heidi Burgess

Original Publication September 2003, updated June 2013. Current Implications added by Heidi Burgess in August, 2017.

Current Implications

This article talks about misunderstandings between different cultures...particularly highlighting high-context cultures with low-context cultures. We are now seeing in the United States, how there can be cultural misunderstandings between groups that appear on the surface to be quite similar. More...

Social conflicts often involve some misunderstanding. Parties in conflict communicate by what they say (or do not say) and how they behave toward each other. Even normal interaction may involve faulty communication, but conflict seems to worsen the problem. When two people are in conflict, they often make negative assumptions about "the other." Consequently, a statement that might have seemed innocuous when two parties were friends might seem hostile or threatening when the same parties are in conflict.

Sources of Misunderstanding

All communication has two parts: a sender and a receiver. The sender has a message he or she intends to transmit, and s/he puts it in words, which, to her/him, best reflect what s/he is thinking. But many things can intervene to prevent the intended message from being received accurately.

If the communication is verbal, tone of voice can influence interpretation. The boss's words, "Hey, I noticed you were taking an especially long break this morning," could be interpreted as an attack if she or he said that in a disapproving tone, while the comment might be seen as a minor reminder about office rules if it was said in a friendly way. If the employee has a health problem that sometimes requires long breaks, the comment might have even been a friendly inquiry about what was happening and whether the employee needed any help. Here, tone of voice as well as situational and relationship factors would influence the interpretation of the message.

Nonverbal cues also are important. Is the sender's posture open and friendly, or closed and cold? Is her facial expression friendly or accusatory? All of these factors influence how the same words will be received.

In addition to how the message is sent, many additional factors determine how the receiver interprets the message. All new information we learn is compared with the knowledge we already have. If it confirms what we already know, we will likely receive the new information accurately, though we may pay little attention to it. If it calls into question our previous assumptions or interpretation of the situation, we may distort it in our minds so that it is made to fit our world view, or we may dismiss the information as deceptive, misguided, or simply wrong.

If the message is ambiguous, the receiver is especially likely to clarify it for him or herself in a way which corresponds with his or her expectations. For example, if two people are involved in an escalated conflict, and they each assume that the other is going to be aggressive and hostile, then any ambiguous message will be interpreted as aggressive and hostile, even if it was not intended to be that way at all. Our expectations work as blinders or filters that distort what we see so that it fits our preconceived images of the world. (Conflict theorists call these filters "frames." See the essay on Frames, Framing, and Reframing for more information.)

An analogy can be made to an experiment that tested people's interpretation of visual cues. When people were given eyeglasses that turned the world upside-down, they had to suffer through with upside-down images for a week or two. After that, their brains learned to reverse the images, so they were seeing things right-side up again. The same thing happens when we hear something we "know" is wrong. Our brains "fix" it so that it appears as we expect it to.

Cultural differences increase the likelihood of misunderstanding as well. If people speak different languages, the danger of bad translation is obvious. But even if people speak the same language, they may communicate in different ways.

Common differences are between high-context and low-context communication . Low-context communication stands on its own; it does not require context or interpretation to give it meaning. High-context communication is more ambiguous. It requires background knowledge and understanding (context), in addition to the words themselves, for communication. While everyone uses both kinds of communication, Western cultures tend to use low-context communication more often, while Eastern and Latin American and African cultures tend to use high-context communication. If such differences are not understood and adjusted for, misunderstanding is almost inevitable.[1]

Culture also affects communication by influencing the recipients' assumptions. As described above, our minds try to twist incoming information to make it fit in our worldview . Since different cultures have very different worldviews, cross-cultural communication is especially likely to change meaning between sender and receiver, as the sender may have a very different worldview from the receiver.

Given our tendency to hear what we expect to hear, it is very easy for people in conflict to misunderstand each other. Communication is already likely to be strained, and people will often want to hide the truth to some extent. Thus the potential for misperception and misunderstanding is high, which can make conflict management or resolution more difficult.

How to Avoid Misunderstanding

In conflict situations, avoiding misunderstanding takes a lot of effort. Roger Fisher and William Ury list four skills that can improve communication in conflict situations.

• The first is active listening . The goal of active listening, they say, is to understand your opponent as well as you understand yourself. Pay close attention to what the other side is saying. Ask the opponent to clarify or repeat anything that is unclear or seems unreasonable (maybe it isn't, but you are interpreting it wrong). Attempt to repeat their case, as they have presented it, back to them. This shows that you are listening (which suggests that you care what they have to say) and that you understand what they have said. It does not indicate that you agree with what they said, nor do you have to. You just need to indicate that you do understand them. [2]
• Fisher and Ury's second rule is to speak directly to your opponent. This is not considered appropriate in some cultures, but when permitted, it helps to increase understanding. Avoid being distracted by others, or by other things going on in the same room. Focus on what you have to say, and on saying it in a way that your opponent can understand.
• Their third rule is to speak about yourself, not about your opponent. Describe your own feelings and perceptions, rather than focusing on your opponent's motives, misdeeds, or failings. By saying, "I felt let down," rather than "You broke your promise," you will convey the same information, in a way that does not provoke a defensive or hostile reaction from your opponent. This is often referred to as using " I-statements " or "I-messages," rather than "you-messages." You-messages suggest blame, and encourage the recipient to deny wrongdoing or to blame in return. I-messages simply state a problem, without blaming someone for it. This makes it easier for the other side to help solve the problem, without having to admit they were wrong.
• Fisher and Ury's fourth rule is "speak for a purpose." Too much communication can be counterproductive, they warn. Before you make a significant statement, pause and consider what you want to communicate, why you want to communicate that, and how you can do it in the clearest possible way.

Other rules might be added to these four. One is to avoid inflammatory language much as possible. Inflammatory language just increases hostility and defensiveness; it seldom convinces people that the speaker is right. (Actually, it usually does just the opposite.) Although inflammatory remarks can arouse people's interest in a conflict and generate support for one's own side, that support often comes at the cost of general conflict escalation . Making one's point effectively without inflammatory statements is a better option.

Likewise, all opponents should be treated with respect. It doesn't help a conflict situation to treat people disrespectfully; it just makes them angry and less likely to listen to you, understand you, or do what you want. No matter what you think of another person, if they are treated with respect and dignity -- even if you think they do not deserve it -- communication will be much more successful, and the conflict will be more easily managed or resolved. Engaging in deep conversations (through problem-solving workshops or dialogues ) can also reduce misunderstanding by improving relationships , by providing more context to communication, and by breaking down stereotypes that contribute to negative characterizations or worldviews. The more effort one makes to understand the person sending the message, the more likely the message will be understood correctly.

This article talks about misunderstandings between different cultures...particularly highlighting high-context cultures with low-context cultures. We are now seeing in the United States, how there can be cultural misunderstandings between groups that appear on the surface to be quite similar. Republicans and Democrats in the U.S. are mostly all low-context communicators, yet they seem to be almost completely talking past each other. Each sees the world in fundamentally different ways--their interests are different, their understanding of facts is different, their reasons for advocating various policies are different.

Certainly some of this difference is the result of media manipulation, which spawns not only misunderstanding, but distrust and even hatred as a result of propaganda. Extreme stereotyping of "the other," also prevents effective cross-group communication, so when communication between groups occurs (which is becoming increasingly rare as we self-segregate into different parts of the country), the messages are very likely to be misinterpreted.

Much needs to be done to get the right and the left talking at all. But once they start, mediators or facilitators are going to be needed to try to reduce misunderstandings and build a groundwork for coexistence and tolerance.

This is one area where every individual can make a difference. When we talk to our family members who have different belief systems, for example, take care to use good conflict communication skills (see particularly the articles on empathic listening and I-messages) among others, instead of escalatory communication. This grave conflict within the United States is only going to be defused (if it is), one conversation at a time--and it is incumbent upon all of us to start having those disarming, de-escalatory conversations.

Heidi Burgess, August, 2017.

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[2] Edward T. Hall,  Beyond Culture . (New York: Anchor/Doubleday, 1971)

[2] We have more detail on active listening on this website in an article called empathic listening --because the author argued that empathy and listening were too closely linked to write two different articles--so he combined them into one.  

Use the following to cite this article: Burgess, Heidi. "Misunderstandings." Beyond Intractability . Eds. Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. Conflict Information Consortium, University of Colorado, Boulder. Posted: September 2003 < http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/misunderstandings >.

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Misunderstandings in The Outsiders

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Words: 700 |

Published: Mar 16, 2024

Words: 700 | Pages: 2 | 4 min read

Table of contents

Social class divide, family dynamics, perception vs. reality, consequences of misunderstandings.

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Good Lack Of Communication In The Family Essay Example

Type of paper: Essay

Topic: Literature , Communication , Relationships , Children , Family , Behavior , Parents , Novel

Published: 03/29/2020

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Thesis Statement

Is there a relationship among lack of Communication among the family of Mama Blanca and Creation of Problem for Them? Introduction In Memoirs of Mama Blanca, we can see the lack of communication the family between the families of the center of the story. Mama Blanca's family is regarded as an old patriarchal and authoritarian family, including a long father. In addition, the mother is present in her own "world" did not notice her daughter's life a reality. Miscommunication led to many children. "Rebellious" behavior, such as word about the children see their parents, mothers talk to their authoritarian father fear and self-centered. Communication is a thing that deems essential to control over different things. It is the best way to share the knowledge and information to each other, which then be important to perform different tasks in a given time frame . There are a number of novels have been written and published on the same topic as the topic is very important and heart throbbing. There is a novel has also been written on the lack of communication with the name of Mama Blanca. The main theme of this paper is to work on certain thesis statement which is Does describing lack of communication help us to understand another aspect (not seen obvious or evident) of the novel that is particularly interesting?

Analytical Framework

According to the novel, Blanca Nieves was the third of the girl of the family, and she was dark of skin, black hair and with an Asian look touch (Parra, 1994, p.3). Their parents were not at all happy with her color, and physical appearance, and that is why they always cut off from her and taking care of other daughters instead of her. First of all, the miscommunication leads to how the children behave behind their parents back. For instance, when Maria Nieves was once playing with Violeta, they got into a fight Analysis of the case revealed that due to this lack of communication Blanca never shared any of her problems with their parents and it was a real hard time for her because her confidence was lifting day by day from their family. Her parents now become self centered from her and always did believe what their other daughters do and said. Lack of communication always creates a problem among different members of the family as no one is allowed to speak freely, and no one has the right to raise their voice against the bad happenings. The same thing is found in the analysis of Mama Blanca, and the attached article is depicting the same (Parra, 1994, p.8). The lack of communication among the family of Mama Blanca associated with yet another aspect of this novel that is the lack of interest in the work and raise of an unethical behavior. This part of the novel was very interesting, and it is mentioned to be very interesting in responding to the question. Different examples have been quoted in the assignment relates to the same behavior.

In conclusion, there exist many discrepancies and tension as well as avoidance between Mama Blanca's family members. This can lead to children and parents by not communicating their feelings, emotions and thoughts of misunderstanding. Communication sites, and the relationship between them, so the family into a more distant and far-reaching relationship, the thesis statement which is about lacking in communication and problem for Mama Blanca family satisfied and found that there was a positive relationship between both of these variables. Analysis revealed that the thesis statement is extremely right in terms of lack of communication and the relationship between both of these variables is positive.

Parra, T. d. (1958). Mama Blanca's Souvenirs:. Chicago: McGraw Hill. Teresa de la Parra, A. (1994). Mama Blanca. Journal of English Study , 17-114. Teresa de la Parra, ‎. B. (1996). Las memorias de Mamá Blanca. New York: Pearson Group. Teresa de la Parra, ‎. H. (1993). Mama Blanca's memoirs. Chicago: Adventure Works.

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10 Common Causes of Misunderstanding and How to Solve Them

Mert's childhood dream was to become a psychologist, and his aim in life is to help people by understanding and accepting them without judgment. Knowing the basics and causes... Read More

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

In This Article

The process of navigating a relationship requires patience, love, and understanding. There are moments when issues will arise, which takes these three factors to solve and get both parties on track. One of the factors that can keep a relationship in disarray is a misunderstanding.

Usually, misunderstanding is portrayed by having little or no clarity about something. 

Misunderstanding is the result of an assumption with no proof. And it would continue to cause 

conflict in a relationship until things become more transparent. In this piece, we will be looking at how to deal with misunderstandings in relationships and identify the common causes.

What causes misunderstanding

Misunderstanding in a relationship occurs when one or both parties refuses to understand correctly. Therefore, misconception and misapprehension occur when there is no moral clarity because a false impression is created. Different things can cause misunderstanding, but the root cause is usually not getting a clear picture of the situation.

To know why others misunderstand you, it is important to know the origin. Ken Voges’ book titled Understanding How Others Misunderstand you comes with a unique plan for strengthening relationships. 

What can you do when a misunderstanding happens in a relationship?

When misunderstanding happens, one of the first things to do is to try and understand the situation. You might need to take some steps backward to understand better what is going on. It will be easy to take the right steps when you understand the situation.

Many spouses experience unresolvable conflicts because they are not patient enough to figure out the root cause of the misunderstanding.

If the misunderstanding gets out of hand, you can seek help from a professional or trusted and experienced friends.

Is it a normal thing for misunderstandings to occur in a relationship

It is pretty standard for misunderstandings to happen in a relationship because you and your partner might have different viewpoints on some things. However, what matters is how you settle the misunderstanding.

If the right approach is used, misunderstandings can be a way to learn more about your partner and love them as you should. Also, knowing why misunderstandings are happening can help you develop deliberate methods to value your relationship more.

10 reasons why misunderstanding happens in relationships

Misunderstanding in a relationship means having a false impression about any issue related to your partner. Until you get cleared on the issue from your partner, you will continue to have unfounded decisions and thoughts.

Here are some common causes of misunderstanding among couples

1. Poor listening skills

One of the reasons why misunderstanding in a relationship occurs is because both parties might not exhibit good listening skills when their partner is conversing with them. Usually, when two people are discussing, one of the individuals might not go beyond the hearing phase. 

Therefore, they might forget some key points in the discussion. If this happens regularly, there would be a misunderstanding in the relationship.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker ,

Active listening plays a critical role in resolving misunderstandings between spouses. When partners listen to each other effectively to be effective in mutual understanding and communication, gaps in communication are reduced. Active listening involves not only hearing what is said, but also understanding what is heard, empathizing, and communicating clearly. Spouses can avoid potential misunderstandings by practicing active mutual listening while sharing their feelings and thoughts. In addition to creating a deeper bond in the relationship, this can also help resolve problems by talking them through openly.”

2. Disrespecting your partner’s feelings

Some spouses are used to invalidating their partner’s feelings which should not be. In a relationship, you need to respect your partner’s emotions and feelings and try your best to provide a solution.

If you can take a moment to figure out why your partner is behaving in a certain way, you will have a clear head on how to approach the situation. 

Also, when your partner complains about something to you, don’t wave it off like it’s nothing. Ensure you understand what they are talking about, and see eye-to-eye with them.

3. Seeing your partner as a competitor

In some relationships, spouses view each other as competitors instead of partners. This is one of the reasons why common misunderstandings in relationships occur. You need to always remember that you and your partner should move the relationship to greater heights. 

This can be achieved when your minds are in sync. If you are always competing with your partner instead of complementing them, you might experience misunderstandings in the relationship.

4. Comparing your partner to another person

Another mistake that causes misunderstanding in a relationship is when partners compare each other to a third party. It is a sign of disrespect that can cause conflict in a union. Frequently, it is perceived as compelling someone to drop their identity for another person. 

Psychologist Şeker states,

Comparing a partner to others in romantic relationships can damage the relationship’s foundation and cause emotional disconnection. Such comparisons create unfair expectations and can make the partner feel undervalued, leading to insecurity. For a healthier relationship, it’s important to respect and focus on the partner’s uniqueness and accept each other as is.

Rather than comparing your partner to another person , try to appreciate them for their uniqueness. Eventually, you will discover that their unique attributes make them outstanding and probably better than those you compare them to.

5. Compatibility problems

If you and your partner do not align on several fronts, misunderstandings in a relationship can happen quite regularly. Compatibility is one reason partners find it hard to see each other’s standpoint because they are fixated on theirs. 

To be compatible with your partner , your value system, mindset, and other factors must be similar to theirs.

6. Assumptions

Many partners fall into the assumption zone unknowingly, which is why a relationship occurs. You need to know that until your partner confirms something to you, you might not know how they are feeling or what is going on.

However, some spouses are not patient enough to discover what is happening with their partner. Instead, they assume based on their instincts which gets the other party fired up. 

Assumptions can wreck a relationship if it is a habit, and it should be avoided by all means. To avoid assuming, you can make excuses for your partner till you find out the true story.

7. Choice of friends and acquaintances

Sometimes, misunderstanding in a relationship happens when there is a disagreement on the choice of friends and acquaintances to keep. Not all spouses are comfortable with the type of friendship that their other half keep, and it can cause conflict between the two of them.

One of the reasons could be insecurity because they can lose their partner to another person. Another reason might be the fear of their partner being influenced by friends and acquaintances whose characters cannot be vouched for.

8. Finances

Another reason a partner might feel misunderstood in a relationship might be financed. If one partner is earning higher than the other, their actions might be misinterpreted lots of times because of their financial status. 

Also, when it comes to footing the bills amongst other expenses, it could be a cause of conflict because finances is a sensitive issue.

9. Always claiming to be right

When it comes to the causes of misunderstanding in communication, one of the things to look out for is when partners claim to be correct. Before you take your stance on anything, you need to consider where your partner is coming from.

Even when you claim to be correct, putting your partner down can get them angered and result in conflict. Partners who know they are suitable to communicate their reasons to the second party diplomatically without making them feel bad.

Şeker explains,

Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves a persistent belief in one’s own correctness, often prioritizing personal opinions and feelings over others and showing heightened sensitivity to criticism. In relationships where one or both partners have this disorder, it can lead to a dominant self-righteous attitude. Seeking psychological support is advised in such cases.

10. No quality time with your partner

Not spending quality time with your partner or giving them good attention can be another reason why misunderstanding in a relationship happens. You need to know that your partner is one of the most critical aspects of your life that should be given high priority.

They can react unpleasantly when they feel taken for granted because of a lack of quality time. It is important to be skilled at balancing all facets of your life, including your relationship, so that none of them suffer.

The study conducted by Renee Edwards and other brilliant authors is exciting. It compares the misunderstanding between romantic partners and normal friends . This research study will see why misunderstanding between lovers is rated more serious than friendship. 

Here’s how you can make your relationship a happy place:

What is the effect of misunderstanding on relationships?

One of the major effects of misunderstanding in a relationship is it causes bad blood between the partners if it is not resolved. They might end up holding opinions about each other which may not be entirely correct. 

Misunderstanding in communication and relationship can also make the union sour and uninteresting, and more conflicts will arise in due time because there are unresolved ones.

How to solve misunderstandings in a relationship

Misunderstandings are inevitable in a relationship, but they can be solved by incorporating the right solutions. Here are some ways on how to solve misunderstanding between lovers.

1. Listen to your partner genuinely

It would help if you showed particular interest in anything your partner has to say so that you don’t miss the central theme of their message. This will help you communicate effectively with them and help out in any capacity. 

You can avoid conflicts in your relationship if you are a great listener, and it would help you resolve misunderstandings between you and your partner.

2. Don’t try to be on the right side every time

If you always try to prove a point every time, you can get quickly drained. To find a solution to miscommunication in relationships , don’t always try to establish who is wrong or right. If you have offended your partner or committed a mistake, don’t shy away from apologizing or giving excuses.

3. See your partner as an equal team player

Refrain from seeing your partner as a rival instead of an equal spouse. You don’t need to compete over who brings home the most money, the kid’s favorite, and a host of other issues. 

You and your partner need to adopt the team player mentality to resolve issues in your relationship quickly.

4. Be conscious about improving your relationship

Remember that your relationship can get better if you deliberate about your actions. The relationship does not have to start declining before you seek a solution to revive it. 

Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your relationship. You can take cues from successful relationships and implement them in your union.

5. Work on your shortcomings

If your partner regularly complains about unpleasant behaviors, you need to work on them. You can also ask your partner for ways on how to get better. When you acknowledge your shortcomings and promise to work on them, you indirectly motivate your partner to follow suit.

Şeker adds,

It is very important to know your shortcomings and try to find a solution to this issue. However, sometimes it may be impossible to solve this alone, and psychological support at this point can help you find a solution.

6. Have fun with your partner more often

Another way on how to avoid misunderstandings is to ensure you have fun with them often. Misunderstandings will often happen if you are too focused on other aspects of your life without paying good attention to your partner. 

Therefore, make it a conscious habit to have beautiful moments with your partner .

7. Stop assuming

Many partners mistake assuming different things when their partner has not confirmed them. This is why conflicts occur because they act on what they’re not sure of. If you are not certain about anything, you need to confirm with your partner before holding on to unproven beliefs.

8. Learn to apologize

When you offend your partner, you don’t have to keep claiming that you’re right. If your partner feels offended, it is best to apologize and assure them that you won’t repeat it. You should also let your partner know that you have their best interests at heart.

9. See a relationship counselor

The role of a relationship counselor is often underrated because some people are not comfortable with the idea of opening up to someone. 

Hence, when you discover that misunderstanding in a relationship is frequently happening, you need to see a relationship counselor. The counselor helps you understand the root cause of the misunderstanding to resolve it.

The great part is that the conflicts and misunderstandings can always be resolved couples are willing to put in conscious efforts. In this book by Aaron T. Beck titled Love is Never Enough , couples can learn how to handle misunderstandings and solve relationship problems. 

With the information and advice in this piece, you know what causes misunderstanding in a relationship and its solution. The next time misunderstanding happens in your relationship, you need to see beyond the present. Ensure you gain clarity on the particular issue, and put deliberate efforts into making the relationship better and worth fighting for. 

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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Essay on Misunderstanding Between You and Your Friend

Students are often asked to write an essay on Misunderstanding Between You and Your Friend in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Misunderstanding Between You and Your Friend

Introduction.

Misunderstandings can occur between friends, causing distress and confusion. This essay explores a personal experience of misunderstanding with a friend.

The Incident

My best friend and I had a misunderstanding. She thought I had shared her secret with others, which I had not.

This misunderstanding caused a rift in our friendship. We stopped talking to each other for a while, creating an uncomfortable atmosphere.

Eventually, we discussed the issue. I explained my side and she understood. Our friendship was restored, stronger than before.

Misunderstandings can strain friendships, but open communication can help resolve them.

250 Words Essay on Misunderstanding Between You and Your Friend

The genesis of misunderstanding.

Misunderstandings are an inevitable part of human relationships, often resulting from differences in communication styles, perceptions, and expectations. When it comes to friendships, misunderstandings can create a rift, impacting the bond shared.

Communication Breakdown

A primary cause of misunderstandings is a breakdown in communication. Often, we assume our friends understand our thoughts and feelings without explicit articulation. This presumption can lead to misinterpretation, causing misunderstandings. For example, a friend may interpret your silence as indifference when you’re merely preoccupied with personal issues.

Perceptual Differences

Another factor is perceptual differences. Each individual perceives situations through their unique lens, shaped by their experiences and beliefs. Thus, a single situation can be interpreted differently by two friends, leading to conflicts. For instance, one might view a joke as harmless fun, while the other perceives it as offensive.

Unfulfilled Expectations

Friendships often involve unstated expectations. When these are unmet, it can lead to misunderstandings. For instance, if you expect your friend to support you in a disagreement and they choose to remain neutral, you might feel betrayed.

Resolving Misunderstandings

To resolve misunderstandings, open and honest communication is key. Discussing the issue, acknowledging each other’s feelings, and empathizing can help mend the relationship. Moreover, setting clear expectations and understanding each other’s perceptions can prevent future misunderstandings.

In conclusion, while misunderstandings in friendships are common, they can be resolved and even prevented through effective communication, empathy, and understanding.

500 Words Essay on Misunderstanding Between You and Your Friend

Misunderstandings are an inevitable part of human interaction. Regardless of the depth of a relationship, there are instances where communication breaks down, leading to confusion and discord. This essay explores a personal experience of misunderstanding between myself and a close friend.

The Birth of the Misunderstanding

The incident occurred during our final year of college. My friend, whom I’ll refer to as Alex, and I were partners for a significant project. We had divided the responsibilities equally. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, I was unable to meet my commitment for a week. I had informed Alex about this in advance, but perhaps I hadn’t communicated the gravity of the situation effectively.

The Escalation

When I returned, I found Alex overwhelmed with the accumulated workload. He was upset that I had left him to fend for himself during a crucial time. I felt guilty for my absence but also a sense of injustice, as I had informed him beforehand. This misunderstanding led to a rift between us. We were no longer just project partners dealing with academic stress; we were close friends navigating through a maze of hurt feelings and miscommunication.

Understanding the Misunderstanding

Reflecting on the situation, I realized that the misunderstanding was rooted in our differing perceptions of the same situation. While I saw my absence as unavoidable and communicated in advance, Alex saw it as an abdication of responsibility during a critical period. This disparity in our viewpoints was the real culprit behind our conflict.

Resolution and Reconciliation

Recognizing the need to address the issue, I initiated a conversation with Alex. We both shared our perspectives openly and honestly. I acknowledged his feelings of abandonment and apologized for not making my situation clearer. Alex, in turn, understood my predicament and admitted that he could have sought help from others during my absence. This conversation was a turning point in resolving our misunderstanding.

Lessons Learned

The incident taught us the importance of effective communication, empathy, and understanding in maintaining healthy relationships. We learned that misunderstandings, while unpleasant, can serve as catalysts for strengthening bonds if handled with maturity and openness.

In conclusion, misunderstandings between friends are not uncommon. However, they can be resolved by open communication, empathy, and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives. This incident with Alex served as a valuable lesson in how to navigate through misunderstandings and, in the process, has deepened our friendship.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on God Is My Only Friend
• Essay on Effect of Bad Friends
• Essay on Childhood Friend

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

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G.O.P. Aide Drops Groping Lawsuit Against Matt Schlapp, a Powerful Conservative

The aide, Carlton Huffman, said the allegations were a misunderstanding and that he has not been paid by Mr. Schlapp or his group, the American Conservative Union.

By Michael C. Bender

• Published March 26, 2024 Updated March 28, 2024

(March 28 update: The lawsuit against Matt Schlapp was dropped after Carlton Huffman, the Republican operative who filed it, received a $480,000 settlement , according to three people familiar with the deal.)

A lawsuit has been dropped against Matt Schlapp, the head of one of the nation’s largest conservative advocacy groups, after his accuser said the allegations were the result of a misunderstanding.

Carlton Huffman, 40, had accused Mr. Schlapp, 56, the head of the American Conservative Union and an adviser to former President Donald J. Trump, of groping him after a campaign event in Georgia in 2022.

In a statement on Tuesday, Mr. Huffman said he dropped his lawsuit against Mr. Schlapp, as well as related lawsuits against the American Conservative Union, the Conservative Political Action Conference and Caroline Wren, an adviser to Mr. Schlapp.

“The claims made in my lawsuits were the result of a complete misunderstanding, and I regret that the lawsuit caused pain to the Schlapp family,” Mr. Huffman said. “The Schlapps have advised that the statements made about me were the result of a misunderstanding, which was regrettable. Neither the Schlapps nor the ACU paid me anything to dismiss my claims against them.”

Mr. Schlapp also released a statement that didn’t mention Mr. Huffman, a longtime Republican political aide, and instead attacked the “left-wing media.”

“From the beginning, I asserted my innocence,” Mr. Schlapp said, adding that he and his wife, Mercedes Schlapp, a former Trump White House official, will “emerge from this ordeal stronger as husband and wife, stronger as parents to our five daughters, stronger as friends to those who stood by us.”

Michael C. Bender is a Times political correspondent covering Donald J. Trump, the Make America Great Again movement and other federal and state elections. More about Michael C. Bender

Maryse Condé, a grande dame of Caribbean literature, dies at 90

She wrote more than 20 books and was awarded the 2018 new academy prize in literature, an alternative to the nobel.

Maryse Condé, a French-language author from Guadeloupe who became known as the grande dame of Caribbean literature while writing exuberant, lushly descriptive novels that explored the brutal legacies of slavery and colonialism, died the night of April 1 at a hospital in Apt, in southern France. She was 90.

Her death was announced by her husband, Richard Philcox, who translated many of Dr. Condé’s books into English. He did not cite a cause, and it was unclear if Dr. Condé died late Monday night or early Tuesday morning.

In recent years she had lived in the French village of Gordes, near Avignon, and suffered from a degenerative neurological disorder that made it difficult for her to speak and see, leading her to dictate her last two books to her husband.

A literary chronicler of the Black diaspora, Dr. Condé wrote richly textured novels that were dense with detail, drawn in part from her years living in West Africa, Europe, the United States and, above all, the Caribbean. Much of her work gave voice to the people and history of Guadeloupe, an overseas department of France that she described as “a small island with no say on international issues” — the sort of place that gets “mentioned only when there is a hurricane.”

Dr. Condé, who had a doctorate in comparative literature and was a professor emerita of French at Columbia University, wrote more than two-dozen books, including plays, essay collections, children’s books and memoirs, in which she recounted her childhood in Guadeloupe (she was the youngest of eight children) and her passion for cooking, which began as an act of defiance against a mother who insisted that “only stupid people like to cook.”

But she remained best known for her novels, including “Segu” (1984), a family saga set in 19th-century West Africa; “I, Tituba: Black Witch of Salem” (1986), about an enslaved biracial woman accused of witchcraft (the book included a cameo from Hester Prynne, the protagonist of “The Scarlet Letter”); and “Windward Heights” (1995), a reworking of “Wuthering Heights,” the book that inspired Dr. Condé to become a novelist, with a setting transferred from the Yorkshire moors to the islands of Cuba and Guadeloupe.

“It is impossible to read her novels and not come away from them with both a sadder and more exhilarating understanding of the human heart, in all its secret intricacies, its contradictions and marvels,” author Howard Frank Mosher wrote in 1992, reviewing “I, Tituba” and another multigenerational Condé novel, “Tree of Life,” for the New York Times.

Dr. Condé had a burst of late-in-life fame at 84, when she received the 2018 New Academy Prize in Literature. Bestowed by a group of Swedish cultural figures, the award was described as an alternative to the Nobel, during a year in which the Nobel Prize in literature was not awarded because of a sexual misconduct scandal that had roiled the Swedish Academy.

In handing out the New Academy Prize, jury chair Ann Palsson called Dr. Condé a “grand storyteller” who “belongs to world literature,” adding that “she describes the ravages of colonialism and the post-colonial chaos in a language which is both precise and overwhelming.”

Dr. Condé, who once declared that the French language “was forged for me alone,” evoked a powerful sense of place in her novels. She transported readers to the cemeteries of Guadeloupe in “Tree of Life” — she called the graveyards “cities of the dead, where the filau , the beautiful beefwood tree, keeps weeping watch over the departed” — and the busy streets of London in “Segu,” where the luxury stores of the Strand give way to “hovels filled with human wrecks sleeping and copulating on heaps of straw or rags crawling with vermin.”

In “Segu,” her breakout third novel, she told a story that was at once intimate and sprawling, jumping between dozens of characters while examining a period in which Islam and the slave trade spread across West Africa. Translated into English by Barbara Bray, the novel centered on the four sons of Dousika Traore, an aristocrat in the Bambara Empire (located in present-day Mali), and examined issues of race, class and religion, as well as more transcendental questions of death and the afterlife.

“Dousika’s soul had left his body,” Dr. Condé wrote in one passage, offering an elegy for the book’s patriarch. “Every soul, airy and invisible to human eyes, enjoyed a few brief moments of liberty before being recovered by the fetish priests and assigned to its new home in the body of a newborn child. During that interval it floated above rivers, soared over hills, breathed in without a tremor the thick mist that rose from the marshes, and alighted in the most secret corners of compounds. Distance meant nothing to it. For it, the great checkerboard of the fields was but a dot in measureless space. It steered itself by the stars.”

By most accounts, she was born Marise Liliane Appoline Boucolon in Pointe-à-Pitre, the economic center of Guadeloupe, on Feb. 11, 1934. Her mother was a schoolteacher, her father a banker. Her parents privileged the French language over Creole and taught her to embrace France as “the Mother Country,” avoiding discussions of race and colonialism and sending her to high school in Paris.

Growing up, she said, she was “oblivious to the outside world.” That began to change after she read Joseph Zobel’s semi-autobiographical novel “Black Shack Alley” (1950), about an impoverished boy named José who lives near a White-owned sugar-cane plantation in Martinique.

“Reading Joseph Zobel, more than any theoretical discourse, opened my eyes,” she wrote in the memoir “Tales From the Heart” (1998). “I understood then that the milieu I belonged to had absolutely nothing to offer and I began to loathe it. I had become bleached and whitewashed, and because of it, a poor imitation of the little French children I hung out with.”

She studied English at the Sorbonne, and in 1958 she married Guinean actor Mamadou Condé. They moved to West Africa, where she lived for more than a decade, teaching French in Guinea, Ghana and Senegal and mixing with left-wing activists and leaders, including a visiting Che Guevara and Malcolm X.

Returning to France, she completed her doctorate in comparative literature at the Sorbonne in 1975. The next year, she published her debut novel, “Hérémakhonon,” inspired by her years in West Africa and her disillusionment with the region’s first generation of post-independence leaders, including Guinean President Ahmed Sékou Touré , who ruled as a dictator.

Interviewed by francophone scholar Françoise Pfaff in 1982, Dr. Condé said that she took the novel’s title, a Malinke word translated as “waiting for happiness,” from the name of a department store in Guinea. “In theory, this store offered everything people needed, but it had nothing except Chinese toys of poor quality. For me it was a symbol of independence.”

The novel “Segu” established her literary bona fides, becoming a bestseller and leading to a sequel, “The Children of Segu” (1985). Dr. Condé was awarded a Fulbright scholarship to teach in the United States, and went on to join the faculty at the University of California at Berkeley and the University of Maryland before coming to Columbia in 1995.

She became the founding chair of Columbia’s Center for French and Francophone Studies and retired from teaching in 2005, shortly after she was appointed by French President Jacques Chirac to chair the country’s National Committee for the Memory and History of Slavery.

“In France, it took a long time for slavery to be recognized as a crime against humanity,” she told the Guardian in 2020 . “In the 18th century, some scientists still supported slavery and claimed that Black people were inferior and closer to animals and we are still fighting that misunderstanding. It is not easy. We shall overcome. But it will take a long time. I’m an optimist, in spite of everything.”

Dr. Condé’s first marriage ended in divorce. In 1982, she married Philcox, her translator. Information on survivors was not immediately available.

Dr. Condé was twice shortlisted for the International Booker Prize, first in 2015 for her entire body of work and then in 2023 for her last published novel, “The Gospel According to the New World.”

The book was a reworking of the New Testament, following a Jesus-like figure from Martinique. Dr. Condé told the Times that she had long “dreamed of writing about the Bible and the New Testament, which I believed to be a series of sumptuous stories and not really a religious text,” although she didn’t quite know how to tell the story.

“I was torn between mockery and the spiritual,” she added. “Very often, I imagined God as an ordinary Guadeloupean who went about his daily activities such as playing cards, drinking rum or going to the cock pit.”