conclusion about gift essay

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First published in 1925, The Gift by Marcel Mauss is an exploration of political, economical, and sociocultural values and norms as they pertain to gift giving among the Northwest Coast American Indians, Melanesians, and Polynesians. Concepts such as honor, reciprocation, exchange, contract, counter-gift and prestige are explored throughout his essay. Claude Lévi-Strauss, Émile Durkheim, Marshall Sahlins, Jacques Derrida, and Mary Douglas have all drawn from Mauss’s work throughout the 20th century. At its core, The Gift “was a part of an organized onslaught on contemporary political theory, a plank in the platform against utilitarianism” (x).

It attempts to distinguish between commerce as it is understood in Western countries from the act of gift giving, which acts as a catalyst for enhancing solidarity and obligation between the gift giver and the gift receiver. The gift exchange involves ulterior motives and is a complicated and intricate process that requires a priori knowledge of the person(s) or group(s) who partake in this ritual. Whilst Mauss made many notable contributions to the field of sociology and anthropology, it is his work on the potlatch (Northwest Coast Indigenous Americans’ gift-giving feasts) and gift giving that helped develop the way that social scientists explored and understood the nature and function of economy, kinship, and religion (xix).

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In his introduction, Mauss discusses how social scientists must draw from positivist research, ethnology, history, and sociology to better understand how gift giving functions within society. As systems of “total services” (7), Mauss uses the potlatch as a metaphor of how relationships between people and groups must be constantly fed and consumed to maintain balance and peace. This often results in competing interests, status challenges, and hierarchies amongst the giver and the receiver. Thus, the potlatch becomes a total service of an agonistic type according to Mauss, who sees the act of gift giving via the potlatch akin to a game of chess.

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The reciprocal nature of the potlatch is a means to outdo the original gift giver and in doing so obtain greater prestige, honor, and glory. Checkmates can only be achieved if the receiver lacks the ability or time necessary to reciprocate in due time, forcing them into a debt of sorts that obligates them to the gift giver. Far from altruistic, the potlatch becomes a symbolic gesture of dominance and control over the proverbial other .

In Part 1, Mauss further explores this idea by specifically addressing the spirit of the thing given ( hau ). It is not enough to simply bestow upon your guests lavish gifts consisting of food, spices, and other material goods. It is the hau , or spiritual power , (15) of the gift that beholdens the gift receiver to the gift giver. The more important and relevant the hau , the more power it exercises over that person or group who possesses it. Unlike Western societies, where power is maintained through the ownership of desired objects, in the case of Northwest Coast American Indians, Melanesians, and Polynesians, the ownership of such goods is symbolic. The owner of an important spiritually powered item imbues his essence into the object and thus, in a sense, ownership is always his. However, the possession of said hau transfers from one person or group to the other. This allows them to share in its hau and maintain peace and respect amongst allies. Mauss uses this as the basis for reciprocation, as refusing to do so could and often does lead to warfare, mistrust, and broken alliances. He ends this chapter by differentiating between presents (gifts) made to humans and those made to the gods and the importance of contract sacrifices.

In Part 2, drawing upon anthropologists Bronislaw Malinowski and A. R. Radcliffe-Brown (referred to as Brown), Mauss explores the rules associated with hosting a potlatch and the importance of generosity. As a ritualistic practice, hosts must adhere to strict rules and decorum or risk offending their guests. Of equal importance is the length of time that a receiver keeps a gift of great hau before giving it to someone else. Whilst it could take up to a year or more before the receiver is able to become the giver, what often dictates the length of time is the spiritual relevance of the objects received. Equally, they cannot simply be passed on to just anyone and must, in truth, only be given to those deemed worthy based on status and rank.

Failure to reciprocate brings dishonor, conflict, resentment, and mistrust. However, “if one is not able to reciprocate, at the very least one may offer a basi , which merely ‘pierces’ the skin, does not bite, and does not conclude the affair” (34). Thus, the receiver remains indebted to the giver until they can repay the generosity bestowed upon them in kind. Furthermore, refusing gifts and invitations also brings dishonor and conflict. This fits into Mauss’s paradigm of the three obligations associated with the potlatch. Namely, the obligation to give, receive, and to reciprocate. Mauss adds that part of the grandeur of the potlatch is also the willingness to destroy. Items of importance but that lack hau are often burned as symbols of wealth and power. Thus, it is not even enough to give but to be able to destroy that also plays a part in the power dynamics between the giver and the receiver.

In Part 3, Mauss turns to ancient Rome, classical Hindu Law, and Germanic Law to demonstrate how the potlatch is unique in name only, and that prior to western systems of commerce and trade, similar forms of exchanges existed throughout human history. It is his analysis of the three types of law that elevates the potlatch in that he expertly compares various elements of it with the nexum , the Brahmin rules associated with gift exchange, and the angebinde, the concept that a receiver is tethered or beholden to the giver. Mauss also relegates the potlatch to the annals of history as an example of living fossils. As he states, “Institutions of this type have really provided the transition towards our own forms of law and economy. They can serve to explain historically our own societies” (60). Thus, the potlatch and the cultures that utilize them allow a glimpse into human history and human nature that would have otherwise been lost to time.

Mauss makes several conclusions in part by deferring to common practices found in Western societies today; for economic sociology and political economy; and finally, conclusions surrounding general sociology and morality. By drawing upon value functions in society and the interdependence of groups upon one another for both direct and indirect survival needs, Mauss remarks that “ Homo oeconomicus is not behind us, but lies ahead, as does the man of morality and duty, the man of science and reason” (98).

Commercium (commerce) and Connubium (marriage) (102), both symbolically and literally, continue to influence the direction that human civilization takes and in doing so, affect the way we form relationships with the other . What is more, Mauss does not view society as independent of the human animal but rather, it can only exist as part of its very physiology. It is shaped by the relationships that it fosters and so creates a culture of dependency and mutual ties that can be as empowering as it can be destructive and self-defeating.

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Pride & Shame

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Gifts of one who loved me, — 'T was high time they came; When he ceased to love me, Time they stopped for shame.

In his essay "Gifts," Ralph Waldo Emerson delves into the intricacies of giving and receiving presents, emphasizing the importance of thoughtfulness, sincerity, and simplicity. He underscores that the true value of a gift lies not in its material worth but in the genuine expression of love, friendship, or gratitude it represents. For Emerson, the most meaningful gifts reflect the giver's understanding and appreciation of the recipient's character, needs, and desires, transcending the mere transactional nature of gift-giving.

Emerson also explores gift-receiving etiquette, stating that gracious acceptance is as crucial as giving. He encourages recipients to recognize the giver's intentions and appreciate the emotional significance behind the gift rather than focusing solely on its material aspects. By cultivating mindfulness and humility in giving and receiving, Emerson believes that individuals can strengthen their relationships and foster a more profound connection with one another.

I t is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy, that the world owes the world more than the world can pay, and ought to go into chancery, and be sold. I do not think this general insolvency, which involves in some sort all the population, to be the reason of the difficulty experienced at Christmas and New Year, and other times, in bestowing gifts; since it is always so pleasant to be generous, though very vexatious to pay debts. But the impediment lies in the choosing. If, at any time, it comes into my head, that a present is due from me to somebody, I am puzzled what to give, until the opportunity is gone. Flowers and fruits are always fit presents; flowers, because they are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world. These gay natures contrast with the somewhat stern countenance of ordinary nature: they are like music heard out of a work-house. Nature does not cocker us: we are children, not pets: she is not fond: everything is dealt to us without fear or favor, after severe universal laws. Yet these delicate flowers look like the frolic and interference of love and beauty. Men use to tell us that we love flattery, even though we are not deceived by it, because it shows that we are of importance enough to be courted. Something like that pleasure, the flowers give us: what am I to whom these sweet hints are addressed? Fruits are acceptable gifts, because they are the flower of commodities, and admit of fantastic values being attached to them. If a man should send to me to come a hundred miles to visit him, and should set before me a basket of fine summerfruit, I should think there was some proportion between the labor and the reward.

For common gifts, necessity makes pertinences and beauty every day, and one is glad when an imperative leaves him no option, since if the man at the door have no shoes, you have not to consider whether you could procure him a paint-box. And as it is always pleasing to see a man eat bread, or drink water, in the house or out of doors, so it is always a great satisfaction to supply these first wants. Necessity does everything well. In our condition of universal dependence, it seems heroic to let the petitioner be the judge of his necessity, and to give all that is asked, though at great inconvenience. If it be a fantastic desire, it is better to leave to others the office of punishing him. I can think of many parts I should prefer playing to that of the Furies. Next to things of necessity, the rule for a gift, which one of my friends prescribed, is, that we might convey to some person that which properly belonged to his character, and was easily associated with him in thought. But our tokens of compliment and love are for the most part barbarous. Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself. Thou must bleed for me. Therefore the poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the farmer, corn; the miner, a gem; the sailor, coral and shells; the painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief of her own sewing. This is right and pleasing, for it restores society in so far to its primary basis, when a man's biography is conveyed in his gift, and every man's wealth is an index of his merit. But it is a cold, lifeless business when you go to the shops to buy me something, which does not represent your life and talent, but a goldsmith's. This is fit for kings, and rich men who represent kings, and a false state of property, to make presents of gold and silver stuffs, as a kind of symbolical sin-offering, or payment of black-mail.

The law of benefits is a difficult channel, which requires careful sailing, or rude boats. It is not the office of a man to receive gifts. How dare you give them? We wish to be self-sustained. We do not quite forgive a giver. The hand that feeds us is in some danger of being bitten. We can receive anything from love, for that is a way of receiving it from ourselves; but not from any one who assumes to bestow. We sometimes hate the meat which we eat, because there seems something of degrading dependence in living by it.

"Brother, if Jove to thee a present make, Take heed that from his hands thou nothing take."

We ask the whole. Nothing less will content us. We arraign society, if it do not give us besides earth, and fire, and water, opportunity, love, reverence, and objects of veneration.

He is a good man, who can receive a gift well. We are either glad or sorry at a gift, and both emotions are unbecoming. Some violence, I think, is done, some degradation borne, when I rejoice or grieve at a gift. I am sorry when my independence is invaded, or when a gift comes from such as do not know my spirit, and so the act is not supported; and if the gift pleases me overmuch, then I should be ashamed that the donor should read my heart, and see that I love his commodity, and not him. The gift, to be true, must be the flowing of the giver unto me, correspondent to my flowing unto him. When the waters are at level, then my goods pass to him, and his to me. All his are mine, all mine his. I say to him, How can you give me this pot of oil, or this flagon of wine, when all your oil and wine is mine, which belief of mine this gift seems to deny? Hence the fitness of beautiful, not useful things for gifts. This giving is flat usurpation, and therefore when the beneficiary is ungrateful, as all beneficiaries hate all Timons, not at all considering the value of the gift, but looking back to the greater store it was taken from, I rather sympathize with the beneficiary, than with the anger of my lord Timon. For, the expectation of gratitude is mean, and is continually punished by the total insensibility of the obliged person. It is a great happiness to get off without injury and heart-burning, from one who has had the ill luck to be served by you. It is a very onerous business, this of being served, and the debtor naturally wishes to give you a slap. A golden text for these gentlemen is that which I so admire in the Buddhist, who never thanks, and who says, "Do not flatter your benefactors."

The reason of these discords I conceive to be, that there is no commensurability between a man and any gift. You cannot give anything to a magnanimous person. After you have served him, he at once puts you in debt by his magnanimity. The service a man renders his friend is trivial and selfish, compared with the service he knows his friend stood in readiness to yield him, alike before he had begun to serve his friend, and now also. Compared with that good-will I bear my friend, the benefit it is in my power to render him seems small. Besides, our action on each other, good as well as evil, is so incidental and at random, that we can seldom hear the acknowledgments of any person who would thank us for a benefit, without some shame and humiliation. We can rarely strike a direct stroke, but must be content with an oblique one; we seldom have the satisfaction of yielding a direct benefit, which is directly received. But rectitude scatters favors on every side without knowing it, and receives with wonder the thanks of all people.

I fear to breathe any treason against the majesty of love, which is the genius and god of gifts, and to whom we must not affect to prescribe. Let him give kingdoms or flower-leaves indifferently. There are persons, from whom we always expect fairy tokens; let us not cease to expect them. This is prerogative, and not to be limited by our municipal rules. For the rest, I like to see that we cannot be bought and sold. The best of hospitality and of generosity is also not in the will, but in fate. I find that I am not much to you; you do not need me; you do not feel me; then am I thrust out of doors, though you proffer me house and lands. No services are of any value, but only likeness. When I have attempted to join myself to others by services, it proved an intellectual trick, — no more. They eat your service like apples, and leave you out. But love them, and they feel you, and delight in you all the time.

What did Emerson say about the gift giver and the gift receiver?

In his essay "Gifts," Ralph Waldo Emerson discusses the roles of both the gift giver and receiver, emphasizing the importance of thoughtfulness, sincerity, and understanding. According to Emerson, the true value of a gift lies in the expression of love, friendship, or gratitude it represents rather than its material worth.

For the gift giver, Emerson believes the most meaningful gifts reflect a deep understanding and appreciation of the recipient's character, needs, and desires. A thoughtful and sincere gift transcends the mere transactional nature of gift-giving and creates a meaningful connection between the giver and the receiver.

As for the gift receiver, Emerson stresses the importance of gracious acceptance. He encourages recipients to appreciate the emotional significance and intentions behind the gift rather than focusing solely on its material aspects. By doing so, the receiver acknowledges the giver's thoughtfulness and effort, cultivating mindfulness and humility.

In summary, Emerson's views on gift-giving and receiving revolve around the ideas of thoughtfulness, sincerity, and fostering deeper connections between individuals. He believes that both the giver and receiver have essential roles in making the exchange of gifts a meaningful and enriching experience.

What are the Rules of Gifts according to Emerson?

Ralph Waldo Emerson doesn't necessarily lay out specific "rules" for gift-giving in his essay "Gifts." Still, he does convey several important principles that can guide giving and receiving gifts. Some of these principles include:

Thoughtfulness: The most valuable gifts demonstrate a deep understanding of the recipient's character, needs, and desires. The gift should be chosen with care, reflecting the giver's genuine affection and appreciation for the recipient.

Sincerity: A gift should be an honest expression of love, friendship, or gratitude. It should come from the heart and not be given out of obligation or as a mere formality.

Simplicity: Emerson suggests simplicity is often the key to a significant gift. Extravagant or expensive gifts may not necessarily be more meaningful than simpler ones, especially if they lack a personal connection or thoughtfulness.

The gift's intrinsic value: The true worth of a gift lies not in its material value but in its emotional significance and the connection it creates between the giver and receiver.

Gracious acceptance: As a gift receiver, it is important to be mindful and humble, focusing on the emotional significance and intentions behind the gift rather than its material aspects.

Reciprocity: Emerson touches on the idea that gift-giving is often reciprocal but also emphasizes that it should not be a tit-for-tat exchange. The focus should remain on expressing genuine feelings and fostering a deeper connection between individuals.

In conclusion, while Emerson does not lay out specific rules for gift-giving and receiving, he emphasizes the importance of thoughtfulness, sincerity, simplicity, and graciousness in the process. The giver and receiver can create a more meaningful and enriching experience by following these principles.

Why do we find it difficult to receive gifts?

Receiving gifts can be difficult for some people due to various reasons, including the following:

Feelings of unworthiness: Some individuals may feel undeserving of gifts or attention, leading to discomfort when receiving presents. This could be rooted in low self-esteem, past experiences, or cultural beliefs.

Fear of obligation: Receiving a gift may create a sense of indebtedness, making the recipient feel as though they are now obligated to reciprocate the gesture. This pressure to give back can be uncomfortable and may cause some people to feel uneasy about accepting gifts.

Discomfort with vulnerability: Accepting a gift requires acknowledging that someone has thought about and cared for you, which can make some individuals feel vulnerable. This vulnerability may be challenging for those who prefer to maintain emotional distance or self-reliance.

Concerns about the gift's appropriateness: Some people may worry about the suitability of the gift, whether it is too expensive, too personal, or not aligned with their tastes or values. This concern can create unease when receiving a gift.

Fear of appearing greedy or materialistic: Accepting a gift might cause some individuals to worry about appearing selfish or overly focused on material possessions. This fear can make it difficult to accept a present graciously.

Cultural differences: In some cultures, accepting gifts may be associated with specific customs or expectations that can create anxiety or confusion. For example, certain cultures may dictate that a gift should be refused several times before finally accepting it or that an immediate reciprocal gift is required.

To overcome these difficulties, it is essential to cultivate gratitude and graciousness when receiving gifts. Remember that a gift is often an expression of love, friendship, or appreciation; accepting it graciously can strengthen relationships and foster a deeper connection with others.

What is the meaning of gift giving?

Gift-giving is a universal expression of various emotions, sentiments, and social bonds. It serves several purposes and carries different meanings depending on the context, culture, and personal intentions. Some of the key meanings and purposes of gift-giving include:

Expression of love, affection, or friendship: Gift-giving is often a way to show love and care for someone, reinforcing the emotional connection between the giver and the recipient.

Celebration or commemoration: Gifts are often given to mark special occasions, such as birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, or holidays, to celebrate and create lasting memories.

Expression of gratitude or appreciation: Giving a gift can be a token of thanks or recognition for someone's kindness, support, or hard work.

Strengthening social bonds: Gift-giving is essential in building and maintaining relationships, whether among family, friends, or colleagues. It promotes goodwill, trust, and reciprocity, fostering stronger social connections.

Cultural or religious traditions: Many cultures and religions have specific gift-giving customs and rituals, reflecting the values and beliefs of the community. In these contexts, gifts can carry deeper symbolic meanings and serve to uphold cultural identity and continuity.

Acts of generosity and charity: Giving gifts to those in need, such as through donations or volunteering, is an expression of compassion and empathy, contributing to the well-being of others and the greater good.

Overall, the meaning of gift-giving is multifaceted, encompassing emotional, social, cultural, and even spiritual dimensions. By giving and receiving gifts, individuals can express their feelings, strengthen relationships, and create lasting memories, making it an essential aspect of human interaction and connection.

Ralph Waldo Emerson left the ministry to pursue a career in writing and public speaking. Emerson became one of America's best known and best-loved 19th-century figures. More About Emerson

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Sat / act prep online guides and tips, 177 college essay examples for 11 schools + expert analysis.

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Holly R. "I am absolutely overjoyed and cannot thank you enough for helping me!”

So much is at stake in writing a conclusion. This is, after all, your last chance to persuade your readers to your point of view, to impress yourself upon them as a writer and thinker. And the impression you create in your conclusion will shape the impression that stays with your readers after they've finished the essay.

The end of an essay should therefore convey a sense of completeness and closure as well as a sense of the lingering possibilities of the topic, its larger meaning, its implications: the final paragraph should close the discussion without closing it off.

To establish a sense of closure, you might do one or more of the following:

• Conclude by linking the last paragraph to the first, perhaps by reiterating a word or phrase you used at the beginning.
• Conclude with a sentence composed mainly of one-syllable words. Simple language can help create an effect of understated drama.
• Conclude with a sentence that's compound or parallel in structure; such sentences can establish a sense of balance or order that may feel just right at the end of a complex discussion.

To close the discussion without closing it off, you might do one or more of the following:

• Conclude with a quotation from or reference to a primary or secondary source, one that amplifies your main point or puts it in a different perspective. A quotation from, say, the novel or poem you're writing about can add texture and specificity to your discussion; a critic or scholar can help confirm or complicate your final point. For example, you might conclude an essay on the idea of home in James Joyce's short story collection,  Dubliners , with information about Joyce's own complex feelings towards Dublin, his home. Or you might end with a biographer's statement about Joyce's attitude toward Dublin, which could illuminate his characters' responses to the city. Just be cautious, especially about using secondary material: make sure that you get the last word.
• Conclude by setting your discussion into a different, perhaps larger, context. For example, you might end an essay on nineteenth-century muckraking journalism by linking it to a current news magazine program like  60 Minutes .
• Conclude by redefining one of the key terms of your argument. For example, an essay on Marx's treatment of the conflict between wage labor and capital might begin with Marx's claim that the "capitalist economy is . . . a gigantic enterprise of dehumanization "; the essay might end by suggesting that Marxist analysis is itself dehumanizing because it construes everything in economic -- rather than moral or ethical-- terms.
• Conclude by considering the implications of your argument (or analysis or discussion). What does your argument imply, or involve, or suggest? For example, an essay on the novel  Ambiguous Adventure , by the Senegalese writer Cheikh Hamidou Kane, might open with the idea that the protagonist's development suggests Kane's belief in the need to integrate Western materialism and Sufi spirituality in modern Senegal. The conclusion might make the new but related point that the novel on the whole suggests that such an integration is (or isn't) possible.

Finally, some advice on how not to end an essay:

• Don't simply summarize your essay. A brief summary of your argument may be useful, especially if your essay is long--more than ten pages or so. But shorter essays tend not to require a restatement of your main ideas.
• Avoid phrases like "in conclusion," "to conclude," "in summary," and "to sum up." These phrases can be useful--even welcome--in oral presentations. But readers can see, by the tell-tale compression of the pages, when an essay is about to end. You'll irritate your audience if you belabor the obvious.
• Resist the urge to apologize. If you've immersed yourself in your subject, you now know a good deal more about it than you can possibly include in a five- or ten- or 20-page essay. As a result, by the time you've finished writing, you may be having some doubts about what you've produced. (And if you haven't immersed yourself in your subject, you may be feeling even more doubtful about your essay as you approach the conclusion.) Repress those doubts. Don't undercut your authority by saying things like, "this is just one approach to the subject; there may be other, better approaches. . ."

Copyright 1998, Pat Bellanca, for the Writing Center at Harvard University

Conclusions

What this handout is about.

This handout will explain the functions of conclusions, offer strategies for writing effective ones, help you evaluate conclusions you’ve drafted, and suggest approaches to avoid.

About conclusions

Introductions and conclusions can be difficult to write, but they’re worth investing time in. They can have a significant influence on a reader’s experience of your paper.

Just as your introduction acts as a bridge that transports your readers from their own lives into the “place” of your analysis, your conclusion can provide a bridge to help your readers make the transition back to their daily lives. Such a conclusion will help them see why all your analysis and information should matter to them after they put the paper down.

Your conclusion is your chance to have the last word on the subject. The conclusion allows you to have the final say on the issues you have raised in your paper, to synthesize your thoughts, to demonstrate the importance of your ideas, and to propel your reader to a new view of the subject. It is also your opportunity to make a good final impression and to end on a positive note.

Your conclusion can go beyond the confines of the assignment. The conclusion pushes beyond the boundaries of the prompt and allows you to consider broader issues, make new connections, and elaborate on the significance of your findings.

Your conclusion should make your readers glad they read your paper. Your conclusion gives your reader something to take away that will help them see things differently or appreciate your topic in personally relevant ways. It can suggest broader implications that will not only interest your reader, but also enrich your reader’s life in some way. It is your gift to the reader.

Strategies for writing an effective conclusion

One or more of the following strategies may help you write an effective conclusion:

• Play the “So What” Game. If you’re stuck and feel like your conclusion isn’t saying anything new or interesting, ask a friend to read it with you. Whenever you make a statement from your conclusion, ask the friend to say, “So what?” or “Why should anybody care?” Then ponder that question and answer it. Here’s how it might go: You: Basically, I’m just saying that education was important to Douglass. Friend: So what? You: Well, it was important because it was a key to him feeling like a free and equal citizen. Friend: Why should anybody care? You: That’s important because plantation owners tried to keep slaves from being educated so that they could maintain control. When Douglass obtained an education, he undermined that control personally. You can also use this strategy on your own, asking yourself “So What?” as you develop your ideas or your draft.
• Return to the theme or themes in the introduction. This strategy brings the reader full circle. For example, if you begin by describing a scenario, you can end with the same scenario as proof that your essay is helpful in creating a new understanding. You may also refer to the introductory paragraph by using key words or parallel concepts and images that you also used in the introduction.
• Synthesize, don’t summarize. Include a brief summary of the paper’s main points, but don’t simply repeat things that were in your paper. Instead, show your reader how the points you made and the support and examples you used fit together. Pull it all together.
• Include a provocative insight or quotation from the research or reading you did for your paper.
• Propose a course of action, a solution to an issue, or questions for further study. This can redirect your reader’s thought process and help them to apply your info and ideas to their own life or to see the broader implications.
• Point to broader implications. For example, if your paper examines the Greensboro sit-ins or another event in the Civil Rights Movement, you could point out its impact on the Civil Rights Movement as a whole. A paper about the style of writer Virginia Woolf could point to her influence on other writers or on later feminists.

Strategies to avoid

• Beginning with an unnecessary, overused phrase such as “in conclusion,” “in summary,” or “in closing.” Although these phrases can work in speeches, they come across as wooden and trite in writing.
• Stating the thesis for the very first time in the conclusion.
• Introducing a new idea or subtopic in your conclusion.
• Ending with a rephrased thesis statement without any substantive changes.
• Making sentimental, emotional appeals that are out of character with the rest of an analytical paper.
• Including evidence (quotations, statistics, etc.) that should be in the body of the paper.

Four kinds of ineffective conclusions

• The “That’s My Story and I’m Sticking to It” Conclusion. This conclusion just restates the thesis and is usually painfully short. It does not push the ideas forward. People write this kind of conclusion when they can’t think of anything else to say. Example: In conclusion, Frederick Douglass was, as we have seen, a pioneer in American education, proving that education was a major force for social change with regard to slavery.
• The “Sherlock Holmes” Conclusion. Sometimes writers will state the thesis for the very first time in the conclusion. You might be tempted to use this strategy if you don’t want to give everything away too early in your paper. You may think it would be more dramatic to keep the reader in the dark until the end and then “wow” them with your main idea, as in a Sherlock Holmes mystery. The reader, however, does not expect a mystery, but an analytical discussion of your topic in an academic style, with the main argument (thesis) stated up front. Example: (After a paper that lists numerous incidents from the book but never says what these incidents reveal about Douglass and his views on education): So, as the evidence above demonstrates, Douglass saw education as a way to undermine the slaveholders’ power and also an important step toward freedom.
• The “America the Beautiful”/”I Am Woman”/”We Shall Overcome” Conclusion. This kind of conclusion usually draws on emotion to make its appeal, but while this emotion and even sentimentality may be very heartfelt, it is usually out of character with the rest of an analytical paper. A more sophisticated commentary, rather than emotional praise, would be a more fitting tribute to the topic. Example: Because of the efforts of fine Americans like Frederick Douglass, countless others have seen the shining beacon of light that is education. His example was a torch that lit the way for others. Frederick Douglass was truly an American hero.
• The “Grab Bag” Conclusion. This kind of conclusion includes extra information that the writer found or thought of but couldn’t integrate into the main paper. You may find it hard to leave out details that you discovered after hours of research and thought, but adding random facts and bits of evidence at the end of an otherwise-well-organized essay can just create confusion. Example: In addition to being an educational pioneer, Frederick Douglass provides an interesting case study for masculinity in the American South. He also offers historians an interesting glimpse into slave resistance when he confronts Covey, the overseer. His relationships with female relatives reveal the importance of family in the slave community.

Works consulted

We consulted these works while writing this handout. This is not a comprehensive list of resources on the handout’s topic, and we encourage you to do your own research to find additional publications. Please do not use this list as a model for the format of your own reference list, as it may not match the citation style you are using. For guidance on formatting citations, please see the UNC Libraries citation tutorial . We revise these tips periodically and welcome feedback.

Douglass, Frederick. 1995. Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave, Written by Himself. New York: Dover.

Hamilton College. n.d. “Conclusions.” Writing Center. Accessed June 14, 2019. https://www.hamilton.edu//academics/centers/writing/writing-resources/conclusions .

Holewa, Randa. 2004. “Strategies for Writing a Conclusion.” LEO: Literacy Education Online. Last updated February 19, 2004. https://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/conclude.html.

You may reproduce it for non-commercial use if you use the entire handout and attribute the source: The Writing Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

Make a Gift

Home — Essay Samples — Life — Gratitude — Everyday is a Gift

Everyday is a Gift

• Categories: Gratitude Philosophy of Life

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Published: Sep 16, 2023

Words: 698 | Pages: 2 | 4 min read

Table of contents

The gift of life, embracing the present moment, cherishing relationships, pursuing passion and purpose.

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Gift Giving: The Art or Science? Essay (Literature Review)

Gift giving, a digraph analysis, gift giving-anthropological perspective, works cited.

The art of gift giving is a long-standing and ancient act of human behavior. Globally, people appreciate occasions and important dates and people with this act. Gift giving has a direct impact on consumer behavior in organizations. The article delves into this act with special interest in the impact of gift giving in consumer behavior.

Researchers find that there is a process, which is universally followed when people exchange gifts. They conduct a study, which concludes that there exists a roadmap for receipt and reciprocation of gift giving. However, I digress from this study’s conclusions because of a number of misgivings.

First, when people exchange gifts I think there is a reason behind it. Reasons may vary from societal expectations, individual expectations, and personal attempt to gain a favor or appreciation. Whichever the motive, the primary person that is affected is the giver of the gift. Rarely would it affect the receiver to act in a particular way as the study suggests (Belk, 165).

The study finds that both the receiver and giver of a gift are overwhelmed by emotions. These emotions may range from tension to self-evaluation. This is true. However, it is also true that a gift maybe an expression of an emotion. For example, people in love express it through gift giving.

Additionally, it is not logical to conclude that there is some science behind gift selection and giving. In most cases, individuals make impulse purchases as certain items remind them about certain events, people, or family members whom they care. Hence, the relationship between consumer behavior and gift giving does not come out clearly (Belk, 159).

Little research has been directed towards understanding the process of giving gifts. Social scientists have not satisfactorily explained this concept. Additionally, social scientists have not cut a clear line to distinguish other facets of consumer behavior from gift giving.

The paper presents different dimensions of gift giving ranging from personal dimensions to economic dimension. Additionally, the authors present different typologies of gifts. These include donations, gifts, and awards. The paper also comes up with a model that defines gift giving that includes gestation, presentation, and reformulation (Sherry, 160).

It is crucial to note that there is no a universal way of describing the art of giving gifts. The model presented is because of a theory that the authors come up with in the paper. Gift giving is a spontaneous act that is sometimes defined by dates, for example, when a couple gives anniversary gifts. The author does not clearly bring out the consumer behavior aspect of this act. It is also crucial to note that there is virtually no any relationship between gift giving and other consumer behavior theories (Sherry, 159).

Another shortcoming of this study is the failure to bring out the relevance of studying gift giving adequately. What is the impact on organizations? How does studying this affect policy decisions in an organization? Factually, when individuals receive gifts they form lasting bonds with the giver.

If that giver is an ‘organization’, the impact is duly reduced. However, if a CEO presents the gift at a personal capacity, the impact may be tremendous. Hence, gift giving and human relationships aspect should have been the gist of this study not the theory behind the act of gift giving (Sherry, 165).

Belk, Russel W. “It’s the Thought that Counts: A Signed Digraph Analysis of Gift Giving”. Journal of Consumer Research . 3.3 (1976): 155-162. Web.

Sherry, John F. “Gift Giving in Anthropological Perspective”. Journal of Consumer Research . 10.2 (1983): 157-168. Web.

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Essay on My Birthday Gift

Students are often asked to write an essay on My Birthday Gift in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on My Birthday Gift

Introduction.

My birthday is always a special day for me. This year, it was made even more special with a unique gift.

The Surprise

My parents gifted me a beautiful bicycle. It was something I had been wishing for a long time.

I was overjoyed to see my dream gift. It was not just a bicycle, but a symbol of my growing independence.

This birthday gift made my day memorable. It was a reminder of the love and care my parents have for me.

250 Words Essay on My Birthday Gift

Birthdays are always special, a day that signifies one’s existence and growth. But what makes it even more exciting are the gifts. Last year, I received a birthday gift that was not just an object but a profound symbol of love, thoughtfulness, and time.

The Anticipation

As the days neared my birthday, the excitement grew. The anticipation of the gift was not about its monetary value, but the sentiment attached to it. I was curious about what my loved ones had chosen for me, what they thought would make me happy.

The Unveiling

The day arrived, and as I unwrapped the gift, my eyes fell on a beautiful, vintage record player. It was not just a gift, but a gateway to a world of music that I had always wanted to explore. The record player was a symbol of my passion for music and the vintage touch signified my love for all things classic.

The Significance

The gift was not merely an object; it was a reflection of the understanding and love of those who gifted it to me. It showed their knowledge of my interests, passions, and the little things that bring me joy. The record player was not just a music device but a means of connecting with my soul.

In conclusion, the best gifts are not always the most expensive ones but those that carry a personal touch, understanding, and thoughtfulness. My birthday gift was more than just a present; it was a testament to the love and care of my dear ones. It was a gift that will always remind me of the beautiful bond I share with them.

500 Words Essay on My Birthday Gift

Introduction: the anticipation.

Birthdays are often associated with joy, celebration, and a sense of growing older and wiser. But beyond the cake and the candles, there’s always that one thing that makes the day even more special – the birthday gift. This year, my birthday gift was not just an object, but a profound life lesson that would forever change my perspective.

The Unconventional Gift

Unlike the typical presents such as gadgets, clothes, or books, my gift this year was a small sapling. At first glance, it seemed like an ordinary plant, but the note attached to it revealed its true significance. It was a sapling of the Bristlecone Pine, known to be one of the longest living organisms on earth. This gift was from my best friend, who understood my love for nature and the environment.

Symbolism and Reflection

The Bristlecone Pine sapling was not just a plant, but a symbol of resilience, longevity, and the beauty of life itself. These trees are known to withstand harsh conditions and still live for thousands of years. This gift was a gentle reminder that despite the adversities we face in life, we can still grow and thrive, just like the Bristlecone Pine.

Life Lessons from the Gift

The sapling taught me several valuable life lessons. Firstly, it emphasized the importance of patience. Just like the tree that takes years to grow and mature, achieving our goals also requires time and patience. We cannot rush growth or success; it’s a gradual process that requires consistent effort and perseverance.

Secondly, it highlighted the significance of resilience. The Bristlecone Pine withstands harsh weather conditions and still manages to live for thousands of years. Similarly, we must also learn to navigate through life’s challenges and emerge stronger, without losing our essence.

Finally, it underscored the value of sustainability. By gifting a sapling, my friend was indirectly encouraging me to contribute towards a greener and healthier planet. It was a call to action to be more environmentally conscious and to make sustainable choices.

Conclusion: The Gift That Keeps Giving

In conclusion, my birthday gift was much more than a physical present. It was a poignant life lesson, a symbol of resilience, and a call to action for a greener planet. This gift will continue to grow and thrive, just like me, and serve as a constant reminder of the lessons it holds. It was indeed the best birthday gift, not just because it was unique, but because it carried a message that resonated deeply with me. In the end, the best gifts are not always the most expensive or luxurious ones, but those that touch our hearts and inspire us to be better.

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Gift Giving

Updated 20 October 2021

Subject Events ,  Holidays

Downloads 63

Category Culture ,  Life ,  Sociology

Topic Gift ,  Multiculturalism ,  Society ,  Valentines Day

Gift Giving and its Cultural Significance

Gift giving is the practice of exchanging goods, especially during a ceremony that may be gratuitous or intended to reinforce social and economic relations. Different cultures within communities have developed transaction structures, but every community values the element of free gifting that is unaccompanied by some requirement or expectation.

Gifting in Traditional Cultures

In many traditional cultures, such as Indians, gifting entailed responsibility and the formation of socioeconomic bonds (Cronk). This paper would detail a cross-cultural comparison of gift sharing and argue whether a free gift exists. Cronk explains that giving is an aspect of reciprocal exchange. He does not acknowledge free gifting rather he considers giving as a form of strengthening existing relationships or a way of creating new associations.

The Absence of Free Gifts

Cronk is of the opinion that in every society, there are strings attached to the act of giving. For instance, Captain Louis received a gift of horses so as to strengthen ties with the chief. Moreover, the white settlers from England received the Indian gifts, but they understood that a return was expected. There is no free gift according to Cronk. For example, an Englishman arrived in America and was offered a pipe as a gift that he used to set a mantelpiece. Later he learned that the Indians wanted their pipe back that got him shocked for the short-lived generosity. The Englishman did not understand that the welcoming gesture was meant to create a relationship that should be maintained through multiple mutual exchanges. Therefore, his failure to reciprocate was a sign of being rude and unfriendly (Cronk). It is evident that giving should be reciprocated.

Giving in the Kalahari Desert

Moreover, Richard Lee while working in the Kalahari Desert with the Kung Bushman gives an elaborate understanding of giving. While in the desert he was studying the gathering and hunting subsistence economy of the Kung. He had to cooperate and share his food with the Kung so as to effectively carry out his mission. The Bushman called Lee stingy and hard-hearted when he failed to give his portion of canned food. To cover up for this and create a good relationship with the Kung Bushmen he purchased Christmas oxen for the Bushmen community to slaughter it as their usual annual gesture. However, the Kung did not appreciate the gift at first as they disapproved Lee for claims that he was proud and arrogant. The concept of giving exhibited here is that for cooperation and healthy relationships to be enhanced, one has offer gifts to the other party with humility (Borshay 32). Furthermore, the movie Ongka’s Big Moka focuses on explaining the concept of ceremonial giving as a form of creating prestige on the giver. This was a kind of free gifting however that was intended to increase the standards of Ongka (Nairn).

The Role of Gifts in Different Occasions

Gifts can be given on several occasions including Christmas holidays, New Year's celebrations, baby showers, paying of bride price among other occasions. The kind of gifting determines the type of gift given. For example, many cultures around the world practice dowry payment when marriage is done. The gifting is a form of appreciation to the girl's family. Therefore, it is given according to Lee Cronk opinion that reciprocation must accompany gifting. The groom's family is given a daughter in marriage, and they have to reciprocate the act by paying dowry so as to establish social relationships. Other gifts given during Christmas and Valentines are a form of reciprocating love from one another. Though the love may not be a material or tangible thing, the act of gifts of paying for holiday trips to the partner is made to enhance social ties. Some gifts can be given to boost economic integration and ties. For instance, when the American president visits China, he can be offered gifts so as to create relationships that will promote the trade between the two states.

Free Gifts in Business Promotion

The concept of a free gift can only exist in a business setup where the owner wants to carry out promotions. They can offer some commodities for free to the customers so as to encourage or attract them to buy things in their shops. However, the act is solely not purely free because in some situations, a client has to purchase a considerable amount of goods so as to receive the free offer. On the other hand, the business aim is to create economic advantage and a relationship with the buyer. Therefore, one can establish that there is nothing like a free gift in society. This is because the giver always has their motives and intentions of giving the gift. For example, a free gift of a wall clock from the electronics shop is meant to persuade the buyer to keep on buying in the same shop or attract other people to become customers.

The Significance of Gift Giving

Gift giving is a commonly practiced culture among society that is always accompanied by an act of reciprocation. However much a gift might seem to be offered for free, it is always accompanied by gratitude or generosity in the future. It is evident that gifts enhance social relations and friendship among people. Other awards are given to boost the economic ties and increase trade. Therefore, there are no free gifts apart from those that are given naturally by God, such as the air that we breathe.

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Works Cited

Cronk, Lee. Reciprocity and the Power of Giving. New York: Pearson, 2003. Lee, Richard Borshay. Eating Christmas in the Kalahari(1969). New York, 2011. Ongka's Big Moka. Dir. Charlie Nairn. Perf. Andrew Strathen. Prod. Charlie Nairn. 2017.

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Essay Conclusion Generator

Stuck at the end of your paper and not sure where to turn? We know it’s always good to go out on a high note and leave your reader wanting more. But what if you’re not sure how to do that? Well, don’t fret—our conclusion generator is here to help you hit that note over and over again. We take the words you’ve already used, the points you’ve already made, and the title that ties it all together to understand what you’ve been saying in your paper. Then we process all that data and turn out a perfect concluding essay for you. We’re making writing easy again!

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Conclusion Generator Results

Why use an essay conclusion generator.

Writing is an art—that’s all there is to it. Now we’re not talking about the Jackson Pollack kind of art where you get to splatter a bunch of colors across a canvas and then promote it as modern and meaningful—because to get noticed for that kind of art you have to know the right kind of people. Chances are you’re here because you don’t know the right kind of people. But, come to think of it, now that you’re here maybe you are finally meeting the right kind. Why? Because we’re the kind of people who want to help. We’re not going to tell your Pollack-like painted words are beautiful and throw money at you. No. But we will help craft that essay you’re struggling with. That’s what we do.

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So of course that brings the pressure, doesn’t it? You got your thesis. You got your intro. You wrote the body and gave every paragraph a main point. You finished that then the old mind went blank. Happens to the best of us. You’ve written your paper—and now what? You hit all the points you wanted to make and the last thing you want to do is go back through them all again. You’re exhausted. You’re out of gas.

What we did to design our generator was to think of what a great conclusion needs. A great conclusion should remind the reader in short summation of the main points of your essay. Your reader is about to go out the door, so you have to make sure he goes out with the right thoughts in his head. Don’t just repeat verbatim what you stated in your opening paragraph. Hit those points with a new set of words so that they seem both fresh and familiar at the same time. That way they stay embedded in the brain and the reader finds himself reflecting on them over time. Like a movie that you can’t get out of your head, an essay that concludes well can make up for all of its earlier sins and transgressions.

That’s why this generator helps. It gets you where you need to be and shows you what you need to do to wrap it up all nice and pretty with a bow on top. Think of your essay as a Christmas gift for someone you love. Are you really just going to hand it over unwrapped? That’s what you would be doing without a great conclusion. So use this generator and gift wrap that essay the way it should be. Your reader deserves it for reading all the way through after all.

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Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows

The relationship expert reads one of the most controversial modern love essays ever published..

This transcript was created using speech recognition software. While it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it may contain errors. Please review the episode audio before quoting from this transcript and email [email protected] with any questions.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

From “The New York Times,” I’m Anna Martin. This is “Modern Love.” Today, I’m talking to the most famous couples therapist in the world, Esther Perel. Esther’s books, “Mating in Captivity” and “State of Affairs,” have forced so many of us, myself included, to rethink our assumptions about love. Like maybe it’s unrealistic to expect the passion and fire we feel at the beginning of a relationship to last forever. And when one partner cheats on the other, what if it could actually bring the couple closer, instead of tearing them apart?

On her podcast, “Where Should We Begin,” Esther lets us eavesdrop on sessions with real couples. People come to her with impossible problems, and she somehow guides them to a breakthrough. She gives them hope. When I listen to Esther’s podcast, I feel like I’m getting a free therapy session, so I wasn’t surprised in the slightest when she told me that people come up to her in public all the time and ask her deeply personal questions.

The grocery store is one place, but airplanes is even better.

Oh, no, Esther. If I were you, I’d be really scared to fly.

[LAUGHS]: They’re suspended in the air, and they tell you lots of things. And it is often about, can trust be repaired when it’s been broken? Can you bring a spark back when it’s gone? Can you rekindle desire when it’s been dormant for so long? What do you do when you’re angry at yourself for having stayed when you think you should have left? Or what do you do when you’re angry at yourself when you’ve left and now you think you should have stayed?

You’re like, I’m just at the grocery store, man. I need to check out.

Clearly, people are struggling so much to be happy in long-term relationships that they’re cornering this woman basically everywhere she goes. And these things people ask Esther about, they’re exactly the kinds of high-stakes, make-or-break questions that come up in the essay she chose for our show today. It’s called “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity,” by Karin Jones.

Karin’s essay was one of the most controversial pieces ever published in the history of the “Modern Love” column. But when it comes to talking about sex and relationships, nothing is too taboo for Esther.

Esther Perel, welcome to “Modern Love.”

It’s a pleasure to be here.

So you’re going to read Karin Jones’s “Modern Love” essay. We’re going to talk all about infidelity. But before we get into that, I learned something about you that I need to know more about. You are fluent in nine languages. And you conduct therapy in seven of them? Is that true?

Yes. So I grew up in Belgium, in the Flemish part of Belgium, and I was educated in Flemish for 12 years. But we also spoke French and German and Polish and Yiddish at home.

So we had five languages in the house. And then I studied Spanish, Portuguese, Hebrew, and English. That comes to nine.

Would you ever do one more just to bring it to a solid 10?

I always wanted to study Arabic.

OK, in your free time, in your ample free time.

Are there certain languages that have better vocabulary for talking about the nuances of love and relationships than others?

That is a very difficult question to answer because my love language, the language in which I learned poetry, songs, novels, et cetera, was primarily French. And so, of course, I would say French. But that may be because I was inducted in it, rather than the language itself. What I can say is that certain cultures are more fluent in the language of feelings, love, relationships, and desire and sexuality than maybe English or Anglo cultures that are more pragmatic, more practical.

I think in therapy, sometimes, I find that there is certain cultures that allow me to speak differently about death, differently about the relationship of the individual to the collective. What I will say is this. In a therapy session, if a person tells me something and it needs to be said in his own language, I will ask them to translate it and to say it in their mother tongue, because you hear instantly the difference, the tone, the timber, the tremble.

And I know it. It’s like, I don’t even have to understand what they’re saying. I know that there is an authenticity and a truth to it that is very different. Sometimes, afterwards, I say, what did you say? But sometimes, I don’t even need to. I know when they say, “I feel alone,” “I ache for you,” “I miss you,” “where have you gone,” “I can’t forget you.” You don’t really need to understand the words to understand the effect.

Esther, the “Modern Love” essay you’re going to read for us today tackles a topic that I bet is very hard to talk about in almost any language. It’s called “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity” by Karin Jones. The author Karin is recently divorced, and she becomes the other woman to several men.

When I read that title, I kind of expect this story is going to be about all the sex she’s having or the secrets or how they’re hiding it. But you’ve worked with so many couples who are in the throes of dealing with cheating. So what does the word “infidelity” signal to you?

I wrote a book about infidelity. So I will say that one of my attempts in writing this book was to translate in writing the complexity of this experience that can be so shattering, that can fracture a family and an entire legacy. It needs more than just good, bad, victim, perpetrator, villain, saint. That there’s too much happening and for too many people that are involved to try to reduce it.

Infidelity is often about a lot of things, but sex. It’s about betrayal. It’s about violation of trust. It’s about lying. It’s about duplicity. It’s about deception. And sex is a piece of this, but that is not necessarily the only thing.

Oof. Esther, I am so excited to hear you read this. Whenever you’re ready.

OK. “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity” by Karin Jones.

“I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaison with married men, but what I learned from having them warrants discussion. Not between the wives and me, though I would be interested to hear their side. No, this discussion should happen between wives and husbands annually, the way we inspect the tire tread on the family car to avoid accidents.

A few years ago, while living in London, I dated married men for companionship while I processed the grief of being newly divorced.

When I created a profile on Tinder and on OkCupid saying I was looking for no strings attached encounters, plenty of single men messaged me, and I got together with several of them. But many married men messaged me, too.

After being married for 23 years, I wanted sex, but not a relationship. This is dicey because you can’t always control emotional attachments when body chemicals mix. But with the married man, I guess that the fact that they had wives, children, and mortgages would keep them from going overboard with their affections. And I was right. They didn’t get overly attached, and neither did I. We were safe bets for each other.

I was careful about the men I met. I wanted to make sure they had no interest in leaving their wives or otherwise threatening all they had built together. In a couple of cases, the men I met were married to women who had become disabled and could no longer be sexual, but the husbands remained devoted to them.

All told, I communicated with maybe a dozen men during that time in my life. I had sex with fewer than half. Others, I texted or talked with, which sometimes felt nearly as intimate. Before I met each man, I would ask, why are you doing this? I wanted assurance that all he desired was sex. What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex.

I met one man whose wife had implicitly consented to her husband having a lover because she was no longer interested in sex at all. They both, to some degree, got what they needed without having to give up what they wanted. But the other husbands I met would have preferred to be having sex with their wives, and for whatever reason, that wasn’t happening.

I know what it feels like to go off sex, and I know what it’s like to want more than my partner. It’s also a tall order to have sex with the same person for more years than our ancestors ever hoped to live. Then, at menopause, a woman’s hormones suddenly drop, and her desire can wane. At 49, I was just about there myself and terrified of losing my desire for sex. Men don’t have this drastic change, so we have an imbalance, an elephant-sized problem so burdensome and shameful, we can scarcely muster the strength to talk about it.

If you read the work of Esther Perel, the author of the book ‘State of Affairs,’ you’ll learn that for many wives, sex outside of marriage is their way of breaking free from being the responsible spouses and mothers they have to be at home. Married sex for them often feels obligatory. An affair is adventure. Meanwhile, the husbands I spent time with would have been fine with obligatory sex. For them, adventure was not the main reason for their adultery.

The first time I saw my favorite married man pick up his pint of beer, the sleeve of his well-tailored suit pulled back from his wrist to reveal a geometric kaleidoscope of tattoos. He was clean shaven and well-mannered with a little rebel yell underneath. The night I saw the full canvas of his tattoo masterpiece, we drank prosecco, listened to ‘80s music, and, yes, had sex.

We also talked. I asked him, what if you said to your wife, look, I love you and the kids, but I need sex in my life? Can I just have the occasional fling or a casual affair? He sighed. If I asked her that kind of question, it would kill her, he said. So you don’t want to hurt her, but you lie to her instead? Personally, I’d rather know, I said.

It’s not necessarily a lie if you don’t confess the truth. It’s kind of to stay silent, he said. I’m just saying I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to be afraid of talking honestly about my sex life with the man I’m married to, and that includes being able to at least raise the subject of sex outside of marriage, I said. Good luck with that, he said.

I never convinced any husband that he can be honest about what he was doing, but they were mostly good-natured about it, like a patient father responding to a child who keeps asking why, why, why. Maybe I was being too pragmatic about the issues that are loaded with guilt, resentment, and fear. After all, it’s far easier to talk theoretically about marriage than to navigate it.

But my attitude is that if my spouse were to need something I couldn’t give him, I wouldn’t keep him from getting it elsewhere, as long as he did so in a way that didn’t endanger our family. I suppose I would hope his needs would involve fishing trips or beers with friends, but sex is basic.

Physical intimacy with other human beings is essential to our health and well-being. So how do we deny such a need to the one that we care about most? If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us, but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else. Should we?

I didn’t have a full-on affair with the tattooed husband. We slept together maybe four times over a few years. More often, we talked on the phone. After our second night together, though, I could tell this was about more than sex for him. He was desperate for affection. He said he wanted to be close to his wife, but couldn’t because they were unable to get past their fundamental disconnect — lack of sex. That led to a lack of closeness, which made sex even less likely, and then turned into resentment and blame.

I’m not saying the answer is non-monogamy. That can be rife with risks and unintended entanglements. I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening. Lack of sex in marriage is common, and it shouldn’t lead to shame and silence. By the same token, an affair doesn’t have to lead to the end of a marriage. What if an affair, or ideally, simply, the urge to have one, can be the beginning of a necessary conversation about sex and intimacy?

What these husbands couldn’t do was have the difficult discussion with their wives that would force them to tackle the issues at the root of their cheating. They tried to convince me that they were being kind by keeping their affairs secret. They seemed to have convinced themselves. But deception and lying are ultimately corrosive, not kind.

In the end, I had to wonder if what these men couldn’t face was something else altogether — hearing why their wives no longer wanted to have sex with them. It’s much easier after all to set up an account on Tinder.”

Thanks so much for that reading, Esther. You know, it’s so funny because Karin Jones directly quotes you in her piece. And I feel like that is the first time ever we’ve had someone read an essay where they’re directly quoted.

Did anything jump out at you as you were reading?

What jumps out is she tackles a lot of different things — the subject of what is sexual aliveness, what is it that people actually lose when they stop being sexual with their partner, and how that loss of intimacy makes the sex even more complicated. She talked about the loss, the longing that this man has. I’ve often said that at the heart of affairs, you find duplicity and cheating and betrayal, but you also find longing and loss for the life that one had, for the parts of oneself that have been denied.

When we come back, I talk to Esther about the harsh criticism this essay got and why Esther thinks Karin Jones deserves more credit. Stay with us.

So Esther, this essay by Karin Jones was kind of a lightning rod when it was published. A ton of people were very critical of the author, saying she was sleeping with these men, but then also having conversations with them where she was like, it’s very wrong of you not to tell your wife what you’re up to. Why do you think this essay got so much backlash?

I think that the reaction to stories of infidelity are often intense. It’s a subject for which people are very quickly dogmatic because they have experienced the effects of it.

When I am in an audience, like if I was to ask, have you been affected by the experience of infidelity in your life, either because one of your parents was unfaithful or because you yourself had a child of an illicit affair, or because you had a friend on whose shoulder somebody weeping, or you had a confidant of someone who is in a complete bliss of an affair, or because you are the third person in the triangle, and about 80 percent of the people will raise their hand.

Wow. I mean, 80 percent sounds like a surprisingly large number, but when you explain it like that with different tendrils of an affair that affect everyone around the affair, not just the people in it, it makes total sense.

And it raises intense feelings in people. Karin Jones, she may have gotten the range of it, but you will hear more loudly the ones who say, you are a homewrecker, which, by the way, does not exist in the masculine.

Right, right.

The homewrecker is always a woman because the woman is the one who says yes, and therefore, if the woman hadn’t said yes, then he wouldn’t be able to do it. And then he would not be wrecking his family.

Yeah, there’s no other man either, by the way. It’s always the other woman.

Huh, there’s no other man.

Not in any of nine languages you speak.

No, because there’s never been another man who necessarily was willing to live in the shadow of a woman for his entire life.

That is so fascinating.

Her lover, [INAUDIBLE] you know her lover, but the other woman usually means that she lives in the shadow. She doesn’t just have a secret. She is the secret. That is the hardest thing about it. When people are writing to her, you can ask yourself, are they looking from the perspective of what it meant for her, or are they looking from the perspective of what it did to me, or to us?

Yeah, I mean, a lot of the criticism directed at Karin Jones, it seems, is coming from that perspective of saying, look what she did. Look at the harm she caused. Look at the pain she caused.

Which it is. Which it is.

Right, not discounting that, but it is interesting because her piece is so much about meaning making, right? That’s the whole conceit of her essay, is mining these experiences for meaning, and yet, people came with criticism. I wonder if this is like a kind of unfair question, but I wonder if there is an ethical way to be the other person. Is there a responsible way to do it without participating in hurt?

That depends. That depends. If you think the whole thing is unethical and is an egregious betrayal of trust and violation, then you will say no. I think the responsibility lies on the person who goes out, not on the lover.

Here’s what many people often say, is like, if you had asked me or if you had told me, but you made a decision without me. You made a decision about our marriage that did not involve me at all. And fair point. Of course, they know for a fact, too, that if they had been asked, they would have said no. But there is the things that you say after, and there is the things that you say before.

So, ultimately, I feel like I hear you agreeing with Karin Jones here that there are really important conversations that need to be happening between these husbands and their wives that actually don’t even have that much to do with Karin. Can you tell me more about that?

The conversation that Karin Jones would like these men to have with their wives is the conversations that take place in my book “Mating in Captivity,” because “Mating in Captivity” explored the dilemmas of desire inside relationships and why do people cease wanting. And could they want what they already have? And why does good sex fade, even in couples who still love each other as much as ever? And why do kids often deliver a fatal erotic blow?

What happens when they don’t have this conversation and they go elsewhere — and it’s not just a conversation about monogamy. It’s really a conversation of, what does sex mean to you? What do you want to experience in sex? Is it a place for connection?

Is it a place for transcendence, for spiritual union, to be naughty, to finally not be a good citizen, to be playful, to be taken care of, to surrender, to be safely dominant? What parts of you do you connect with through sexuality, rather than how often do we have sex, and we never have sex, and why don’t we do it more. So, that is a very different conversation.

But as Karin points to in her essay, and as you certainly point to in your book, those conversations are so difficult to have, even though this is the person we’re supposed to be the closest to. Why is that?

Because we grow up learning to be silent about sex and never talk about it. And then suddenly, we are expected to talk about it with the person we lov. Or in other words, sex is dirty, but save it for the one you love. It’s like we have very little practice talking about it.

We don’t get any of it in schools. Certainly, most families don’t talk about it either. And when we talk about sexuality, we talk about the dangers and the diseases and the dysfunctions. We don’t talk about intimacy. We don’t actually mix the word “sexuality” and “relationships” as one whole.

Yeah, and I mean, if we don’t talk about intimacy or the lack of it with a partner, that can, in some cases, lead to people going outside the marriage to find that intimacy they’re lacking in it. I’m thinking about Karin’s favorite married man, the one with all the tattoos. He says, it’s not necessarily a lie if you don’t confess the truth. It’s kinder to stay silent. In your experience working with couples, is he right? Is that true?

This is a very cultural question.

Because you live in a society here that believes in the moral cure of truth. But there are many societies for whom truth and honesty are not measured by the confession, but they are measured by what it will be like for the other person to walk with this on the street, meaning that they will consider the confession often as cruelty.

That, so what? So now you’ve got it off your chest. So now you’re less guilty, and now I have to live with this? Why don’t you just keep this to yourself, kind of thing. This is very cultural because in the United States, that is not the common view.

The common view is that the confession is the best state, even if you’re going to wreck the other person’s life for the next five years to come, which — and I am left with a question mark. But when I answer this question, I ask people about their own cultural codes as well. I do not impose mine. And mine fluctuates depending on the context. I think these questions are highly contextual, more than dogmatic.

We’ve talked about how there’s so many unsaid things between a couple that can lead to distance and infidelity. If a couple is feeling themselves drifting apart from each other emotionally, sexually, both, what are some things you could encourage them to do that might help?

Hmm. I like to coach people to do letter writing. Sometimes I make one person turn their back, and I make the other person write a letter on the back of the other person.

Oh, physically on the back?

Yes, but it’s a fake. You’re writing — you’re pretending to write, but you’re writing on the back. But that way, you don’t see the person.

Interesting.

Hi, Anna. This is something that I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a long time. And I give them the prompt. We never talk much about sexuality between us. For some reason, I decided a long time ago that you wouldn’t want to. But maybe it was I who didn’t know how to. And basically, they write these whole letters, in which they end up telling each other much of what they have never spoken.

I love that. What a kind and beautiful and compassionate way of easing into a conversation you’ve been afraid of having. Esther Perel, thank you so much for that idea. And thank you for talking with me today.

Thank you for having me.

Esther Perel is on tour in the US right now. Her show is called An Evening with Esther Perel, The Future of Relationships, Love, and Desire. Check her website for more details and to buy tickets. She told me she’s going to create an erotic experience in these theaters, so you do not want to miss that.

“Modern Love” is produced by Julia Botero, Chrstina Djossa, Reva Goldberg, Davis Land, and Emily Lange. It’s edited by our executive producer Jen Poyant and Davis Land. The “Modern Love” theme music is by Dan Powell. Original music by Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, Pat McCusker, Rowan Niemisto, Carole Sabouraud, and Diane Wong.

This episode was mixed by Daniel Ramirez. Our show was recorded by Maddy Masiello. Digital production by Mahima Chablani and Nell Gallogly. The “Modern Love” column is edited by Daniel Jones. Miya Lee is the editor of “Modern Love” projects. I’m Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.

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Hosted by Anna Martin

Produced by Julia Botero ,  Christina Djossa ,  Reva Goldberg and Emily Lang

Edited by Jen Poyant and Davis Land

Engineered by Daniel Ramirez

Original music by Pat McCusker ,  Marion Lozano ,  Carole Sabouraud ,  Rowan Niemisto ,  Diane Wong and Dan Powell

Listen and follow Modern Love Apple Podcasts | Spotify

‘at the heart of affairs, you find duplicity and cheating and betrayal, but you also find longing and loss for the life that one had, for the parts of oneself that have been denied’.

Over the last two decades, Esther Perel has become a world-famous couples therapist by persistently advocating frank conversations about infidelity, sex and intimacy. Today, Perel reads one of the most provocative Modern Love essays ever published: “ What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity ,” by Karin Jones.

In her 2018 essay, Jones wrote about her experience seeking out no-strings-attached flings with married men after her divorce. What she found, to her surprise, was how much the men missed having sex with their own wives, and how afraid they were to tell them.

Jones faced a heavy backlash after the essay was published. Perel reflects on why conversations around infidelity are still so difficult and why she thinks Jones deserves more credit.

Esther Perel is on tour in the U.S. Her show is called “An Evening With Esther Perel: The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire.” Check her website for more details.

Links to transcripts of episodes generally appear on these pages within a week.

Modern Love is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Julia Botero, Reva Goldberg, Emily Lang and Christina Djossa. The show is edited by Davis Land and Jen Poyant, our executive producer. The show is mixed by Daniel Ramirez and recorded by Maddy Masiello. It features original music by Pat McCusker, Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, Carole Sabouraud, Rowan Niemisto and Diane Wong. Our theme music is by Dan Powell.

Special thanks to Larissa Anderson, Kate LoPresti, Lisa Tobin, Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Mahima Chablani, Nell Gallogly, Jeffrey Miranda, Isabella Anderson, Reyna Desai, Renan Borelli, Nina Lassam and Julia Simon.

Thoughts? Email us at [email protected] . Want more from Modern Love ? Read past stories . Watch the TV series and sign up for the newsletter . We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “ Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption ” and “ Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less .”

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Given their side effects, weight-loss drugs might not be good for all

The injectable drug Ozempic. Credit: AP/David J. Phillip

This guest essay reflects the views of Dr. Aurora Pryor, system director for bariatric surgery at Northwell Health and surgeon in chief at Long Island Jewish Medical Center.

When will we see through the haze of drugs like Ozempic and Wegovy?

Hopefully soon. These drugs might reach 30 million U.S. users by 2030. Surging, off-label demand has come with unintentional overdoses, rising prices and medication shortages. Further expansion seems likely with the Food and Drug Administration’s recent approval of another class of medications to reduce the risk of cardiovascular death, heart attack, and stroke in adults with cardiovascular disease and either obesity or overweight.

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Admittedly, bariatric surgery, my area of expertise, also poses risks, like any surgical procedure. Still, it remains a safe, long-term option offering better long-term control of weight and glucose levels than medical therapies for patients with Type 2 diabetes. Patients need accurate information about the risks and benefits of all options.

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There is no denying: Semaglutides are a powerful class of drugs helping push back on the obesity epidemic. They offer weight loss, reduced appetite, and slower emptying of the stomach that makes patients feel full faster.

I’ve also seen at my Great Neck-based practice what can happen when patients stop taking semaglutides. It can trigger weight (re)gain, a greater appetite, a surge of blood sugar, and lean muscle mass loss with body fat percentage gain. There can be withdrawal symptoms.

Data, physician awareness, and patient education can help us assess what’s best for each patient, medication or bariatric surgery. The lack of knowledge translates into only about 200,000 patients per year pursuing weight-loss surgery — about 1% of those who qualify for it.

Physicians need to share that bariatric surgery remains an effective, long-term tool that has become safer and less invasive. It can be highly effective for weight loss and management of obesity-induced complications, especially when surgeons use minimally invasive procedures. This approach, used in 90% of bariatric surgeries, results in shorter hospital stays, less blood loss during procedures, less postoperative pain, and fewer pulmonary complications and wound infections.

We need to review data comparing outcomes for patients who have undergone gastric bypass, sleeve gastrectomy, and intensive medical therapy alone. Of patients who underwent medical therapy, 12% achieved the desired diabetes targets after a year, but positive effects of metabolic surgery lasted longer and also improved cholesterol and triglyceride levels. Those advantages must be considered against potential post-surgical drawbacks like anemia or gastrointestinal problems.

It’s clear semaglutides have tremendous potential, though we don’t yet know their full impact. If we can find optimal ways to wean patients off those them, perhaps they might help patients maintain weight loss after bariatric surgery.

Semaglutides also have opened the door to reframing obesity as a medical condition — without shame. When we can consider weight-loss options without stigma, patients are better positioned to receive information from their doctors and make decisions. The less starry-eyed we are, the better we can focus on the positive, long-term health outcomes each patient deserves.

 THIS GUEST ESSAY reflects the views of Dr. Aurora Pryor, system director for bariatric surgery at Northwell Health and surgeon in chief at Long Island Jewish Medical Center.

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Active learning through video essays: challenges, opportunities and ways forward.

25 April 2024, 5.00 PM

Dr. Estrella Sendra (KCL)

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51 Mother’s Day Gifts Under $100

Mother’s Day is coming up (it falls on May 12 this year), so it’s time to start thinking about gifts. Whether you’re going for a physical item or an experiential present — a meal, a trip to the movies or a museum, a spa day — it’s nice to have something to open on the day itself. I’ve rounded up gifts at all price points so there’s something for every mother in your life. All are available on Amazon, and many can also be purchased at other retailers. For more gifts for every kind of mom — from new mothers to foodies — check out our hub here .

The Strategist is designed to surface the most useful, expert recommendations for things to buy across the vast e-commerce landscape. Some of our latest conquests include the best acne treatments , rolling luggage , pillows for side sleepers , natural anxiety remedies , and bath towels . We update links when possible, but note that deals can expire and all prices are subject to change.

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Panama Papers trial’s public portion comes to an unexpectedly speedy end

The Supreme Court stands in Panama City, Monday, April 8, 2024 as the trial starts for those charged in connection with the worldwide “Panama Papers” money laundering case. (AP Photo/Agustin Herrera)

Juergen Mossack, partner of the law firm Mossack-Fonseca, leaves the Supreme Court during the trial of the “Panama Papers” money laundering case in Panama City, Monday, April 8, 2024. (AP Photo/Agustin Herrera)

Lawyers and court workers leave the Supreme Court during a recess for the trial of the “Panama Papers” money laundering case in Panama City, Monday, April 8, 2024. (AP Photo/Agustin Herrera)

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PANAMA CITY (AP) — The public portion of a trial of more than two-dozen associates accused of helping some of the world’s richest people hide their wealth came to an unexpectedly speedy conclusion Friday when a Panamanian judge said she would take the two weeks of trial arguments and testimony under advisement.

The trial came eight years after 11 million leaked secret financial documents that became known as the “Panama Papers” prompted the resignation of the prime minister of Iceland and brought scrutiny to the then-leaders of Argentina and Ukraine, Chinese politicians, and Russian President Vladimir Putin, among others.

Judge Baloisa Marquínez noted Friday that the case included more than 530 volumes of information. The public trial had been expected to run to the end of the month. The judge has 30 working days to issue a verdict.

Those on trial include the owners of the Mossack Fonseca law firm that was at the heart of the 2016 massive document leak. Jürgen Mossack attended the trial, while his partner Ramón Fonseca did not for health reasons, according to his counsel.

Panamanian prosecutors allege that Mossack, Fonseca and their associates created a web of shell companies that used complex transactions to hide money linked to illicit activities in the “car wash” corruption scandal of Brazilian construction giant Odebrecht .

“This whole process from eight years ago until now … has had a lot of consequences for my family, on my personal situation and truly has been a great injustice not just for me but for all of the people who have worked with me,” Mossack testified Friday. “I trust your honor will know how to evaluate all that has been said here.”

Mossack had said at the start of the trial, as he has for years, that he was not guilty of the money laundering charges.

According to Panamanian prosecutors, the Mossack Fonseca firm created 44 shell companies, 31 of which opened accounts in Panama to hide money linked to the Brazilian scandal.

Fonseca has said the firm, which closed in 2018, had no control over how its clients might use offshore vehicles created for them.

Mossack Fonseca helped create and sell around 240,000 shell companies across four decades in business. It announced its closure in March 2018, two years after the scandal erupted.

The firm’s documents were first leaked to the German daily Suddeutsche Zeitung, and were shared with the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists, which began publishing collaborative reports with news organizations in 2016.

“The reputational deterioration, the media campaign, the financial siege and the irregular actions of some Panamanian authorities have caused irreparable damage, whose consequence is the complete cease of operations to the public,” the firm said in a statement at the time.

The Mossack and Fonseca were acquitted on other charges in 2022.