college essay about not fitting in

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Personal Essay

Growing Up Biracial Made Me Feel Like I Never Fit In, but Now I'm Changing That

Updated on 8/31/2020 at 3:25 PM

Young women hanging out at the beach, at sunset

If you were to look at me, you'd probably think, "That white girl needs to get out of the sun," or "Why is that white girl's hair so different?" That's because I'm not white. You wouldn't know to look at me, but I am very much of mixed descent . My DNA results tell me I am — not that I wouldn't know from my dad's whole side being people of color. Growing up, no one knew what to make of me. My mom didn't know how to take care of my curly hair, and my dad didn't know how to take care of it either. He would take me to salons where his stylist friend would grease my hair into braids and put little poms in them. And that's just one of many examples that made me feel like I didn't fit on either side.

For the longest time, I didn't really know the difference between my races. My Black cousins and I never questioned why we looked different from each other, we just were who we were. It wasn't until I had a Black neighbor growing up that told me my dad was Black and that I was white. I remember asking my mom why I didn't get to be Black, and she said, "Well, you are." Cue my very first identity crisis. It's a tough pill to swallow to be so young and so uncertain of who you are in the world. You're not one or the other — you're both, and no one knows what to make of you.

I remember asking my mom why I didn't get to be Black, and she said, "Well, you are." Cue my very first identity crisis. You're not one or the other — you're both, and no one knows what to make of you.

As I got older, I started to notice some major differences in my mixed family . My dad's neighborhood was a little rougher. We could sometimes hear gunshots nearby, and my grandma would make sure we were in the house by dark. The neighborhood slowly started to become smaller with houses being abandoned and people quietly moving away. Strangers would sometimes talk to my dad like he was an idiot when, honestly, my dad is one of the most intelligent men I know. I never had experiences like that at home with my white mother .

When I started learning about Black history and my family's history specifically, I learned that I come from a long line of people who have fought against adversity. My grandparents fought racism for most of their lives, despite my grandmother's parents trying to shield their kids from the harshness of the outside world. They would drive her and her siblings to the beach instead of letting them see the signs at the pool saying they weren't allowed to be there. They were kept in schools that were predominantly Black as to not experience the shame some of their neighbors experienced in white schools. Can you imagine not being able to step a foot inside a school without being harassed for something you can't control like your skin color? My family always kept strong, but they knew there was darkness in the world. And that darkness still exists.

When I got to high school, I would tell people I was Black, which was always met with confusion. No one believed me. People would tell me I didn't look Black and would ask to see pictures of my family for proof. Once it was validated by some, they would treat me differently. Not by bullying me in the hallways, but by talking to me in ebonics. "Whasssup girl?" instead of "How are you?" "Fo shizzle" instead of "Definitely." I was treated exactly how you'd expect someone to treat a young, cool Black male — like their "brotha." Tired of being treated like this, I began to change up my style. I didn't want to look like me anymore — I wanted to look like every other white girl. I began straightening my naturally curly hair and fake tanning so I'd look like someone who overbaked in the tanning bed instead of someone who was born mixed. It didn't redefine how people looked at me, but it did make me feel more comfortable in my own skin.

I created a whole character for myself — "white girl with a Black girl personality." Really. And I owned it, too. I wanted everyone to know that I was definitely your favorite white girl but could be what I would call the "sassy Black friend." When new people would ask why I'd act so "ghetto," I'd respond with, "I'm part Black!" Although some people found this character to be charming, a lot of them used it as a way to hurt me.

I was in high school the first time I got called the N-word. A white boy from another school asked me out, and I turned him down. He got angry with me, and so I argued back. He threw the N-word at me like a blow to the face. I remember being in shock and not knowing what to say. What do you say? What's more hurtful than someone throwing the word that carries the most hate right in your face? He called me it again years later when I once again denied him a date.

I dated Black men in college. I felt that I could relate to them more than I could to the white men I dated in high school. There was a time where a white boy came to my room and called me the same racial slur and an N-word-lover. To this day, I don't know what calling me that or using that word did for him.

As I've gotten older, I've realized I'm disgusted by people who use race against others, but I never stood up for myself or for them as best I could. With every murder and case of police brutality, I would cry and scream, but no one ever seemed to listen. Eventually, I just became quiet. Maybe I wasn't Black enough for people to listen, or maybe I was just Black enough for people not to. I don't know. I felt silenced.

But the recent horrific killings of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and many others have changed something in me. Their senseless deaths have been met with protests all over the country , but I haven't been a part of one. The truth is I just didn't know where to begin. Would showing up to a protest and risk getting tear gassed really be what would help keep my cousins safe on the street? I spoke with some of my family and friends of color, and I've been educating myself on policies, signing petitions, and more. As things are slowly making a turn for the better, I'm finding my own self-identity. I'm proud of my ethnicity and our determination to win this fight. I'm proud of my skin and my hair even on its craziest days. But I also have my regrets.

I regret joking with people about being ghetto. I regret not feeling comfortable enough in my own skin and owning what Blackness I had. I regret letting people swear at me. I regret allowing people in my life to say racist things simply because I wanted to keep them as a friend. And I regret not signing petitions, donating money, reading policies, and educating myself in every way sooner. But I, too, am learning. I know my privilege has been a lot different than the privileges of my white cohorts, and it's also very different from my Black family and friends. I understand that I'm somewhere stuck in between. I'm joining the fight toward racial solidarity, because I will never be ashamed of who I am ever again.

Science & Math
Sociology & Philosophy
Law & Politics
Essay: “Fitting in”

Fitting in is an important part of life because it has almost everything to do with turning out in life. Knowing the right people will directly affect a person’s life later on, job wise and high school reunions. Part of fitting in is rejection.

This happens because when someone does not reject a particular person then they might be rejected for not rejecting that person. “… Waking up in the morning and wondering if anyone would really miss me.” this is a thought that might course through someone’s mind after being rejected. Most people respond differently, Some people might dress and act totally different just to try to “fit in” that way.

Most will just forget about that group or single person. I have often observed that people often times try to find out why that person or group rejected them and try to make it better. Being rejected is like someone saying “You do not fit in with us so leave us alone” it’s a nasty feeling. Some people let others down easy and that is nice of them.

Why is it so hard to fit in? There is so much social pressure now that it is getting harder and harder to “fit in”. When I say social pressure I mean how to act, look, sound, walk, and so on.

Clothes play a very important role in fitting in with the crowd. People say that a first impression is the most important one so people try to make the best first impression by dressing up or showing someone there not. Some people try to stay in fashion, they do this to stand out or be noticed. A huge role in fitting in is changing or, in other words, being someone you are not.

To describe this I think of putting on a mask over your whole body. Some people just spend all day “lying there and thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done today.”

Lastly, being liked by other people is what “fitting in” is all about. Like I said before, you change yourself, dramatically sometimes, just to fit in. Changing yourself might include dress, hair, self. Changing yourself might just make it harder to fit in so people just stick to what they have changed themselves since they do not know what else to do.

Often people wonder “What if I say this to them, well if I say this then they might not like me. Even though….” Emotional stress can damage a person so much they just do not care anymore. Individuals will do amazing things just to achieve “Fitting in” after studying human behavior I have learned that people will change so much they just forget just about everything else and focus all their energy on “fitting in”.

Essay Analysis Structure
Essay: Philosophy of Tintern Abbey
Essay: Definition of Democracy
Essay: Originality of Philosophy
Essay: Prejudice and Discrimination

Author: William Anderson (Schoolworkhelper Editorial Team)

About Caroline D. James

Caroline D. James is the founder and writer of wanderside.com , where she explores a different perspective to ordinary life.

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8 Solutions for When You Feel You Don't, or Can't, Fit In

In attempting to reach out to others, be sure you can be reached yourself..

Posted December 1, 2021 | Reviewed by Davia Sills

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In the effort to fit in with people suitable for you, it's essential to get clear on just what generates your enthusiasm and excitement.
Although misery may love company, in reality, few relish relating to others who project uneasiness, moodiness, or despondency.
Ultimately, nothing is more important than maintaining the essence of who you are, so don't compromise your integrity simply to fit in.

This piece supplements my previous analysis, outlining the problems associated with feeling too detached from others. The present post goes beyond these difficulties by enumerating various solutions to situations in which you might feel distressingly out of place.

It's impossible to fit in with everybody; nor, for that matter, do you need to. Still, there are many things you can do to minimize what is, for most of us, a painful experience. Here are some suggestions:

1. Work through any anxiety or depression . It's a chicken-and-egg question as to whether not fitting in leads to social anxiety and depression or whether being afflicted with these feeling states precedes your not fitting in. Both anxiety and depression contribute to social alienation and withdrawal. At the same time, though, there's a certain sense in which misery loves company; in reality, not many people relish relating to others who project uneasiness, moodiness, or despondency. So if you interact with others in these dispirited states, you're likely starting out with two strikes against you.

It's therefore important either to get beyond such distress on your own or to work with a therapist who can help you identify past abuses and misfortunes still troubling you, along with their accompanying self-beliefs, which remain negatively charged. It's been said that those most in need of a friend are least likely to find one. So this could be a good time to learn how to become your own most empathetic and encouraging ally.

Consider, for example, the invaluable contribution by IFS founder Richard Schwartz, You Are the One You've Been Waiting For. Additionally, there are many articles and self-help books, online courses, forums, and support groups that might assist you in rectifying deficits in your self-image . After all, there's little sense in reaching out to others when, deep down, you may not feel worthy of their friendship .

2. Redress any longstanding trust issues. This isn't to say you should trust indiscriminately since, frankly, many people may not warrant it. But if you've developed an overgeneralized bias against others because of being treated unfairly in the past (maybe by your own family), this bias may have eventuated in a blanket cynicism poorly suited to interacting cordially with others. For one thing, others may sense your suspiciousness. And that alone might motivate them to distance themselves from you. So try, at least initially, to give them the benefit of the doubt.

3. Grow your self-confidence . If, up till now, you may have felt you just couldn't fit in with others, it's hard to approach any social situation with self-assurance—whether with a single person or group. And if you harbor serious questions about your "belonging" with them, such doubtful feelings will probably leak out.

So what would be useful is to make a list of all your successes, big and small—academic, athletic , interpersonal, work-related, and so forth. Consequently, when you have the opportunity to meet someone new, reviewing it will help you feel more positive about presenting yourself favorably.

4. Contemplate changing your appearance. Superficial as it may seem, this could also be an ideal time to consider altering your appearance. As Marty Nemko reflects:

If you hate the way you look, is it time . . . to get serious about losing weight? Doing more with your hair and makeup? Changing your wardrobe? Even cosmetic surgery? The latter is controversial but some of my clients have gained significant self-confidence from [such modifications].

5. Look approachable. If you want to maximize your chances of effectually reaching others, you need—verbally, but especially non-verbally—to let them know that you yourself can be reached. So, when meeting others, don't cross your arms (a posture perceived, however subconsciously, as defensively non-disclosing). And do what you can to relax—maybe taking a few deep breaths and dropping your shoulders—while smiling genially, making eye contact, and demonstrating interest and caring.

On the other hand, trying too hard to gain others' acceptance by deliberately deferring or kowtowing to them—or, for that matter, not trying at all so as to impress them as easygoing, laid-back, and cool—are both unlikely to get others to feel more comfortable with you. Admittedly, it's hard to act natural when you're nervous. Which is why it's critical to develop greater self-confidence before endeavoring to improve your former attempts at fitting in.

6. Focus on finding like-minded people. If in advance, you know that you share meaningful similarities with those to whom you wish to connect, you'll likely start out with less tension and anxiety. And that will increase the probability of your being successful in befriending them.

One reason that Meet-Up Groups are so widespread is that they revolve around particular interests and themes. You only set yourself up for failure when you enter a group with no idea of what unites them. So, in any quest to fit in with people who are right for you, it makes sense to get clear on just what engrosses you, what generates your personal enthusiasm and excitement.

7. Develop your social skills. If historically, you've struggled to belong, it could be because you never had sufficient opportunity to develop any relational know-how. And that could relate to being markedly introverted, having been homeschooled with few neighborhood kids to play with, being forced into a parental role with parents who, because of an illness or their own insecurities, virtually demanded you constantly be there for them (as an "adult"), early experiences of rejection causing you, self-protectively, to isolate yourself from others, and so on.

Thus, inadequately socialized, you'll need to play catch-up. Consider, then, delving into the literature on the web, or maybe purchasing products reviewed on Amazon, that elucidate this vital topic. And try practicing the different methods expounded upon—maybe with a relative, friend, or acquaintance—to also deepen that, hopefully, already secure relationship.

8. Try new things. This suggestion is adapted from Viktor Sander's article, "What to Do If You Don't Fit In" (2021), which wisely considers the possibility that you may not fit in because you've never adequately investigated activities or subjects that potentially would capture your attention and commitment. Whether it's yoga, a sport (to participate in or follow), a video game or TV program, political or religious affiliation, or a scientific, literary, or philosophical subject, it's definitely worthwhile expanding your range of interests. Doing so will make it more likely that you'll interest others as well.

Having summarized the most worthwhile things to do to better fit in with others, I'll briefly suggest what to do to fit in better with yourself, and that's to better understand, appreciate, respect, and accept what about you is unique—what constitutes your undeniable, hardcore differences from others. Trying to change what's inherent in you, though it might be socially effective at first, eventually will either be unsustainable or lead you to lose yourself in the misguided effort to adapt to others' preferences.

Ultimately, nothing is of greater importance than being true to the innermost core of your being (as in, again, "you are the one you've been waiting for"). So it doesn't make much sense to compromise your authenticity simply to fit in. It's one thing to blend in better by growing your interests and social skills. It's quite another to increase your sense of belonging by forfeiting your integrity. So in adopting whichever of the above suggestions you resonate with, take care that it doesn't fatally twist you out of your inborn (and intrinsically acceptable) shape.

James, A. (n.d.). I don't fit in . . . https://www.pocketmindfulness.com/i-dont-fit-in/

Nemko, M. (2014, Sep 24). When you don't fit in. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/201409/when-you-don…

Sander, V. (2021, Jul 22). What to do if you don't fit in. https://socialpronow.com/blog/not-fitting-in/

Seltzer, L. F. (2021, Nov 22). If you don't feel like you fit in, you're hardly alone. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/202111/if-yo…

Steber, C. & Ferraro, K. (2021, Jun 3). What to do if you feel like you don't fit in. https://www.bustle.com/wellness/reasons-you-feel-like-you-dont-fit-in-w…

Zamora, S. (2017, Dec 6). What to do when you just don't feel like you fit in. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-to-do-when-you-just-_b_5526320

Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. , is the author of Paradoxical Strategies in Psychotherapy and The Vision of Melville and Conrad . He holds doctorates in English and Psychology. His posts have received over 53 million views.

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How to Write Your College Essay: The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide

Getting ready to start your college essay? Your essay is very important to your application — especially if you’re applying to selective colleges.

Become a stronger writer by reviewing your peers’ essays and get your essay reviewed as well for free.

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College Essay Basics

Just getting started on college essays? This section will guide you through how you should think about your college essays before you start.

Why do essays matter in the college application process?
What is a college application theme and how do you come up with one?
How to format and structure your college essay

Before you move to the next section, make sure you understand:

How a college essay fits into your application

What a strong essay does for your chances

How to create an application theme

Learn the Types of College Essays

Next, let’s make sure you understand the different types of college essays. You’ll most likely be writing a Common App or Coalition App essay, and you can also be asked to write supplemental essays for each school. Each essay has a prompt asking a specific question. Each of these prompts falls into one of a few different types. Understanding the types will help you better answer the prompt and structure your essay.

How to Write a Personal Statement That Wows Colleges
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Tips for Writing a Standout Community Service Essay
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How to write the “Why This College” Essay
How to Research a College to Write the “Why This College” Essay
Why This College Essay Examples
How to Write The Overcoming Challenges Essay
Overcoming Challenges Essay Examples

Identify how each prompt fits into an essay type

What each type of essay is really asking of you

How to write each essay effectively

The Common App essay

Almost every student will write a Common App essay, which is why it’s important you get this right.

How to Write the Common App Essay
Successful Common App Essay Examples
5 Awesome College Essay Topics + Sample Essays
11 Cliché College Essay Topics + How to Fix Them

How to choose which Common App prompts to answer

How to write a successful Common App essay

What to avoid to stand out to admissions officers

Supplemental Essay Guides

Many schools, especially competitive ones, will ask you to write one or more supplemental essays. This allows a school to learn more about you and how you might fit into their culture.

These essays are extremely important in standing out. We’ve written guides for all the top schools. Follow the link below to find your school and read last year’s essay guides to give you a sense of the essay prompts. We’ll update these in August when schools release their prompts.

See last year’s supplemental essay guides to get a sense of the prompts for your schools.

Essay brainstorming and composition

Now that you’re starting to write your essay, let’s dive into the writing process. Below you’ll find our top articles on the craft of writing an amazing college essay.

Where to Begin? 3 Personal Essay Brainstorming Exercises
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Understand how to write a great hook for your essay

Complete the first drafts of your essay

Editing and polishing your essay

Have a first draft ready? See our top editing tips below. Also, you may want to submit your essay to our free Essay Peer Review to get quick feedback and join a community of other students working on their essays.

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Proofread and edited your essay.

Had someone else look through your essay — we recommend submitting it for a peer review.

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Advanced College Essay Techniques

Let’s take it one step further and see how we can make your college essay really stand out! We recommend reading through these posts when you have a draft to work with.

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Fitting in: Enough is Enough

You are probably expecting me to say that “fitting in” is a myth, that what matters is being yourself and not sacrificing your values and your authenticity for the sake of gaining approval. But before I offer that advice, which I inevitably will, let’s pause and acknowledge that we are in some sense wired to “fit in.”

Human beings are profoundly social creatures. We crave affection, admiration, and acceptance from others and this is not a bad thing. Our capacity to cooperate, coupled with the depth and complexity of our emotional lives is perhaps the essential evolutionary advantage that has carried us from our hunter-gatherer days to the days of Facebook and LinkedIn.

Furthermore, developmental psychology describes adolescence as a time in which the key learning and growth opportunities occur in the context of group identity, alienation, fidelity, peer pressure, and experimenting with new roles. In other words, asking oneself again and again, “Who am I? And do people like me?” I offer these frames of reference as a way of saying it’s perfectly normal to want to “fit in” and it’s perfectly normal to want to stand out. Between these poles of carving out a unique identity and finding our “tribe,” we come to an understanding of our own truth. It is truly a life’s work.

So what is fitting in? Is it being accepted by others? Do we have to be “like” other people to “fit in” with them?

Contemplating these questions brought me back to my own high school days when I wonde red if I was popular (enough), attractive (enough), smart (enough), talented (enough). It’s that implied “enough” that captures one aspect of what “fitting in” means. But it can be hard to pin down exactly for whom we hope to be “enough.” For ourselves? Our parents? Our peers? Society?

When I read student essays, I often see this word “society” pop up as though there exists a set of monolithic standards, imposed on us all by a jury we call “society,” or sometimes “culture.” But the way I see it, who we hope to be and who we are change in the course of a single day, as we relate to others through our different roles: student, daughter, friend, wall flower, psychologist, stepmother, breadwinner. In other words, the jury is always changing. It changes many times in one day and infinite times throughout our lives.

Though the roles you play in life will evolve, you will always crave the acceptance, love and admiration of your peers, family, and colleagues. I can honestly say that at my age I do not worry about “fitting in,” but I do care about feeling connected, cultivating community and feeling a sense of belonging in myself and in the world. Experiencing a sense of belonging– to loved ones, in a chosen profession, within a community, whether that community is large or just a few close friends you can count on one hand, imbues life with a sense of purpose. The key is, to arrive at this place, to experience belonging as I have described it here, we have to cultivate compassion, not only toward others, but more importantly, toward ourselves.

This is why I have resisted the temptation to advise you to simply “be yourself.” I worry that even “being yourself ” becomes a new yard-stick against which we do or do not measure up. The best advice I can offer you is not to “be yourself,” but to be kind to yourself. You will change, you will make mistakes, you will wake up some days and feel confident, you will wake up other days and feel insecure, you will at times succumb to peer pressure, at other times you will find in yourself courage, resilience and inner strength that you did not know you possessed.

You can choose to look at these experiences through the eyes of an internal critic, who asks even of your accomplishments, “Are they enough?” Or you can choose to listen to the voice that says, “You are enough,” or as my own mother used to say to me: “You are perfectly imperfect just the way you are.”

Which brings me to the role that parents can play in helping children to navigate the minefield that is adolescence. Let me start by making an important distinction: helping your child cultivate self-acceptance is not the same as being a permissive parent. It is possible to have high hopes for your child and at the same time maintain an awareness that these hopes will not always come to fruition and that our own dreams for our children are not always the same dreams our children have for themselves.

In my role as an admissions counselor, working primarily with Cupertino area schools, I have to be honest and say that, more often than not, I see students who at this crucial juncture in their lives feel incredible pressure to become something that they are neither suited for nor deeply passionate about. They also feel compelled to apply to a long list of colleges with names that will impress rather than a short list of schools that represent the best fit for their personalities and interests. It has happened that I’ve seen a few students who are so focused on their future profession that I have no doubt they will be both successful and fulfilled in their careers, but it is understandably rare to encounter that degree of focus in a 16 or 17-year-old.

And the truth is, the indicators of future success that make me most hopeful about a particular student are not test scores, GPA or college admissions profile, but the student’s attitude toward life, toward set-backs, toward the influence of their peers, an ability to keep things in perspective. They are the students who have the capacity to listen to the voice that says, “You are enough.” And they can hear that voice because it is the internalization of a voice that has echoed throughout their lives, since the moment of their birth.

If I get really honest, brutally honest, I can also say that as a stepmom, I find it incredibly challenging to let go of the high hopes I have for my own beloved stepchildren. I know the deep urgency to protect and shield one’s child from the pain of failure. I know the shame and embarrassment of wondering what other people will think if my own kid doesn’t get good grades, or get in to school X —after all, it’s my job!

I also know that much of this fear has less to do with my children than it does with my own struggle to be kind—not to them—but to myself. What I can least tolerate in myself, I can least tolerate in others, including, and perhaps most intensely felt, in the others with whom I share my home and heart.

So my advice is both simple and incredibly challenging: be the voice of compassion for yourself and be that voice for your child, so that when peer pressure comes knocking in one of its many disguises, your child can say, “I don’t need to ‘fit in,’ I already belong and that is enough.”

Thank you for joining us for Wellness Month. Please check back next week for more information and advice from our Insight Counselor Sarah de Sousa.

——————

A version of this blog post was first published in Lynbrook High School’s truth publication, Aletheia, Vol. 2(7)

Additional Resources:

Letters to a Young Poet, by Rainer Maria Rilke. This book was given to me on my 16th birthday by a mentor and has been a constant companion in my life ever since.

How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity and the Hidden Power of Character, by Paul Tough. The story we usually tell about childhood success is the one about intelligence: success comes to those who score high on tests, from preschool admissions to SATs. But in How Children Succeed, Paul Tough argues that the qualities that matter most have more to do with character: skills like perseverance, curiosity, conscientiousness, optimism, and self-control.

The Romance of Risk: Why Teenagers do the Things They Do, by Lynn E. Ponton M.D . In The Romance of Risk, Dr. Ponton refutes the traditional idea that risktaking is primarily an angry power struggle with parents—so-called teenage rebellion—and re-defines it as a potentially positive testing process whereby challenge and risk are the primary tools adolescents use to find out who they are and determine who they will become. For adolescents, the powerful allure of the adult world is equaled only by the fear of failing to find a place in it. Parents can ease that transition into adulthood, however, by promoting healthy risk-taking so that dangerous options will be avoided.

Hardwiring Happiness, by Rick Hanson Ph.D. Rick Hanson, Ph.D. , is a neuropsychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness, Buddha’s Brain, Just One Thing, and Mother Nurture. Founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, and an Advisory Board Member of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, he’s been an invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard, and taught in meditation centers worldwide.

Greater Good Science Center http://greatergood.berkeley.edu The Greater Good Science Center studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society. This website is full of educational and parenting resources, free webinars, links to many bay area events and excellent resources for teens.

Stanford School of Medicine Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) http://ccare.stanford.edu CCARE investigates methods for cultivating compassion and promoting altruism within individuals and society through rigorous research, scientific collaborations, and academic conferences. In addition, CCARE provides a compassion cultivation program and teacher training as well as educational public events and programs.

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Sat / act prep online guides and tips, bad college essays: 10 mistakes you must avoid.

College Essays

Just as there are noteworthy examples of excellent college essays that admissions offices like to publish, so are there cringe-worthy examples of terrible college essays that end up being described by anonymous admissions officers on Reddit discussion boards.

While I won't guarantee that your essay will end up in the first category, I will say that you follow my advice in this article, your essay most assuredly won't end up in the second. How do you avoid writing a bad admissions essay? Read on to find out what makes an essay bad and to learn which college essay topics to avoid. I'll also explain how to recognize bad college essays—and what to do to if you end up creating one by accident.

What Makes Bad College Essays Bad

What exactly happens to turn a college essay terrible? Just as great personal statements combine an unexpected topic with superb execution, flawed personal statements compound problematic subject matter with poor execution.

Problems With the Topic

The primary way to screw up a college essay is to flub what the essay is about or how you've decided to discuss a particular experience. Badly chosen essay content can easily create an essay that is off-putting in one of a number of ways I'll discuss in the next section.

The essay is the place to let the admissions office of your target college get to know your personality, character, and the talents and skills that aren't on your transcript. So if you start with a terrible topic, not only will you end up with a bad essay, but you risk ruining the good impression that the rest of your application makes.

Some bad topics show admissions officers that you don't have a good sense of judgment or maturity , which is a problem since they are building a class of college students who have to be able to handle independent life on campus.

Other bad topics suggest that you are a boring person , or someone who doesn't process your experience in a colorful or lively way, which is a problem since colleges want to create a dynamic and engaged cohort of students.

Still other bad topics indicate that you're unaware of or disconnected from the outside world and focused only on yourself , which is a problem since part of the point of college is to engage with new people and new ideas, and admissions officers are looking for people who can do that.

Problems With the Execution

Sometimes, even if the experiences you discuss could be the foundation of a great personal statement, the way you've structured and put together your essay sends up warning flags. This is because the admissions essay is also a place to show the admissions team the maturity and clarity of your writing style.

One way to get this part wrong is to exhibit very faulty writing mechanics , like unclear syntax or incorrectly used punctuation. This is a problem since college-ready writing is one of the things that's expected from a high school graduate.

Another way to mess this up is to ignore prompt instructions either for creative or careless reasons. This can show admissions officers that you're either someone who simply blows off directions and instructions or someone who can't understand how to follow them . Neither is a good thing, since they are looking for people who are open to receiving new information from professors and not just deciding they know everything already.

College Essay Topics To Avoid

Want to know why you're often advised to write about something mundane and everyday for your college essay? That's because the more out-there your topic, the more likely it is to stumble into one of these trouble categories.

Too Personal

The problem with the overly personal essay topic is that revealing something very private can show that you don't really understand boundaries . And knowing where appropriate boundaries are will be key for living on your own with a bunch of people not related to you.

Unfortunately, stumbling into the TMI zone of essay topics is more common than you think. One quick test for checking your privacy-breaking level: if it's not something you'd tell a friendly stranger sitting next to you on the plane, maybe don't tell it to the admissions office.

Describing losing your virginity, or anything about your sex life really. This doesn't mean you can't write about your sexual orientation—just leave out the actual physical act.
Writing in too much detail about your illness, disability, any other bodily functions. Detailed meaningful discussion of what this physical condition has meant to you and your life is a great thing to write about. But stay away from body horror and graphic descriptions that are simply there for gratuitous shock value.
Waxing poetic about your love for your significant other. Your relationship is adorable to the people currently involved in it, but those who don't know you aren't invested in this aspect of your life.
Confessing to odd and unusual desires of the sexual or illegal variety. Your obsession with cultivating cacti is wonderful topic, while your obsession with researching explosives is a terrible one.

Too Revealing of Bad Judgment

Generally speaking, leave past illegal or immoral actions out of your essay . It's simply a bad idea to give admissions officers ammunition to dislike you.

Some exceptions might be if you did something in a very, very different mindset from the one you're in now (in the midst of escaping from danger, under severe coercion, or when you were very young, for example). Or if your essay is about explaining how you've turned over a new leaf and you have the transcript to back you up.

Writing about committing crime as something fun or exciting. Unless it's on your permanent record, and you'd like a chance to explain how you've learned your lesson and changed, don't put this in your essay.
Describing drug use or the experience of being drunk or high. Even if you're in a state where some recreational drugs are legal, you're a high school student. Your only exposure to mind-altering substances should be caffeine.
Making up fictional stories about yourself as though they are true. You're unlikely to be a good enough fantasist to pull this off, and there's no reason to roll the dice on being discovered to be a liar.
Detailing your personality flaws. Unless you have a great story of coping with one of these, leave deal-breakers like pathological narcissism out of your personal statement.

Too Overconfident

While it's great to have faith in your abilities, no one likes a relentless show-off. No matter how magnificent your accomplishments, if you decide to focus your essay on them, it's better to describe a setback or a moment of doubt rather that simply praising yourself to the skies.

Bragging and making yourself the flawless hero of your essay. This goes double if you're writing about not particularly exciting achievements like scoring the winning goal or getting the lead in the play.
Having no awareness of the actual scope of your accomplishments. It's lovely that you take time to help others, but volunteer-tutoring a couple of hours a week doesn't make you a saintly figure.

Too Clichéd or Boring

Remember your reader. In this case, you're trying to make yourself memorable to an admissions officer who has been reading thousands of other essays . If your essay makes the mistake of being boring or trite, it just won't register in that person's mind as anything worth paying attention to.

Transcribing your resume into sentence form or writing about the main activity on your transcript. The application already includes your resume, or a detailed list of your various activities. Unless the prompt specifically asks you to write about your main activity, the essay needs to be about a facet of your interests and personality that doesn't come through the other parts of the application.
Writing about sports. Every athlete tries to write this essay. Unless you have a completely off-the-wall story or unusual achievement, leave this overdone topic be.
Being moved by your community service trip to a third-world country. Were you were impressed at how happy the people seemed despite being poor? Did you learn a valuable lesson about how privileged you are? Unfortunately, so has every other teenager who traveled on one of these trips. Writing about this tends to simultaneously make you sound unempathetic, clueless about the world, way over-privileged, and condescending. Unless you have a highly specific, totally unusual story to tell, don't do it.
Reacting with sadness to a sad, but very common experience. Unfortunately, many of the hard, formative events in your life are fairly universal. So, if you're going to write about death or divorce, make sure to focus on how you dealt with this event, so the essay is something only you could possibly have written. Only detailed, idiosyncratic description can save this topic.
Going meta. Don't write about the fact that you're writing the essay as we speak, and now the reader is reading it, and look, the essay is right here in the reader's hand. It's a technique that seems clever, but has already been done many times in many different ways.
Offering your ideas on how to fix the world. This is especially true if your solution is an easy fix, if only everyone would just listen to you. Trust me, there's just no way you are being realistically appreciative of the level of complexity inherent in the problem you're describing.
Starting with a famous quotation. There usually is no need to shore up your own words by bringing in someone else's. Of course, if you are writing about a particular phrase that you've adopted as a life motto, feel free to include it. But even then, having it be the first line in your essay feels like you're handing the keys over to that author and asking them to drive.
Using an everyday object as a metaphor for your life/personality. "Shoes. They are like this, and like that, and people love them for all of these reasons. And guess what? They are just like me."

Too Off-Topic

Unlike the essays you've been writing in school where the idea is to analyze something outside of yourself, the main subject of your college essay should be you, your background, your makeup, and your future . Writing about someone or something else might well make a great essay, but not for this context.

Paying tribute to someone very important to you. Everyone would love to meet your grandma, but this isn't the time to focus on her amazing coming of age story. If you do want to talk about a person who is important to your life, dwell on the ways you've been impacted by them, and how you will incorporate this impact into your future.
Documenting how well other people do things, say things, are active, while you remain passive and inactive in the essay. Being in the orbit of someone else's important lab work, or complex stage production, or meaningful political activism is a fantastic learning moment. But if you decide to write about, your essay should be about your learning and how you've been influenced, not about the other person's achievements.
Concentrating on a work of art that deeply moved you. Watch out for the pitfall of writing an analytical essay about that work, and not at all about your reaction to it or how you've been affected since. Check out our explanation of how to answer Topic D of the ApplyTexas application to get some advice on writing about someone else's work while making sure your essay still points back at you.

(Image: Pieter Christoffel Wonder [Public domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

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Too Offensive

With this potential mistake, you run the risk of showing a lack of self-awareness or the ability to be open to new ideas . Remember, no reader wants to be lectured at. If that's what your essay does, you are demonstrating an inability to communicate successfully with others.

Also, remember that no college is eager to admit someone who is too close-minded to benefit from being taught by others. A long, one-sided essay about a hot-button issue will suggest that you are exactly that.

Ranting at length about political, religious, or other contentious topics. You simply don't know where the admissions officer who reads your essay stands on any of these issues. It's better to avoid upsetting or angering that person.
Writing a one-sided diatribe about guns, abortion, the death penalty, immigration, or anything else in the news. Even if you can marshal facts in your argument, this essay is simply the wrong place to take a narrow, unempathetic side in an ongoing debate.
Mentioning anything negative about the school you're applying to. Again, your reader is someone who works there and presumably is proud of the place. This is not the time to question the admissions officer's opinions or life choices.

College Essay Execution Problems To Avoid

Bad college essays aren't only caused by bad topics. Sometimes, even if you're writing about an interesting, relevant topic, you can still seem immature or unready for college life because of the way you present that topic—the way you actually write your personal statement. Check to make sure you haven't made any of the common mistakes on this list.

Tone-Deafness

Admissions officers are looking for resourcefulness, the ability to be resilient, and an active and optimistic approach to life —these are all qualities that create a thriving college student. Essays that don't show these qualities are usually suffering from tone-deafness.

Being whiny or complaining about problems in your life. Is the essay about everyone doing things to/against you? About things happening to you, rather than you doing anything about them? That perspective is a definite turn-off.
Trying and failing to use humor. You may be very funny in real life, but it's hard to be successfully funny in this context, especially when writing for a reader who doesn't know you. If you do want to use humor, I'd recommend the simplest and most straightforward version: being self-deprecating and low-key.
Talking down to the reader, or alternately being self-aggrandizing. No one enjoys being condescended to. In this case, much of the function of your essay is to charm and make yourself likable, which is unlikely to happen if you adopt this tone.
Being pessimistic, cynical, and generally depressive. You are applying to college because you are looking forward to a future of learning, achievement, and self-actualization. This is not the time to bust out your existential ennui and your jaded, been-there-done-that attitude toward life.

(Image: Eduard Munch [Public Domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

Lack of Personality

One good question to ask yourself is: could anyone else have written this essay ? If the answer is yes, then you aren't doing a good job of representing your unique perspective on the world. It's very important to demonstrate your ability to be a detailed observer of the world, since that will be one of your main jobs as a college student.

Avoiding any emotions, and appearing robot-like and cold in the essay. Unlike essays that you've been writing for class, this essay is meant to be a showcase of your authorial voice and personality. It may seem strange to shift gears after learning how to take yourself out of your writing, but this is the place where you have to put as much as yourself in as possible.
Skipping over description and specific details in favor of writing only in vague generalities. Does your narrative feel like a newspaper horoscope, which could apply to every other person who was there that day? Then you're doing it wrong and need to refocus on your reaction, feelings, understanding, and transformation.

Off-Kilter Style

There's some room for creativity here, yes, but a college essay isn't a free-for-all postmodern art class . True, there are prompts that specifically call for your most out-of-left-field submission, or allow you to submit a portfolio or some other work sample instead of a traditional essay. But on a standard application, it's better to stick to traditional prose, split into paragraphs, further split into sentences.

Submitting anything other than just the materials asked for on your application. Don't send food to the admissions office, don't write your essay on clothing or shoes, don't create a YouTube channel about your undying commitment to the school. I know there are a lot of urban legends about "that one time this crazy thing worked," but they are either not true or about something that will not work a second time.
Writing your essay in verse, in the form of a play, in bullet points, as an acrostic, or any other non-prose form. Unless you really have a way with poetry or playwriting, and you are very confident that you can meet the demands of the prompt and explain yourself well in this form, don't discard prose simply for the sake of being different.
Using as many "fancy" words as possible and getting very far away from sounding like yourself. Admissions officers are unanimous in wanting to hear your not fully formed teenage voice in your essay. This means that you should write at the top of your vocabulary range and syntax complexity, but don't trade every word up for a thesaurus synonym. Your essay will suffer for it.

Failure to Proofread

Most people have a hard time checking over their own work. This is why you have to make sure that someone else proofreads your writing . This is the one place where you can, should—and really must—get someone who knows all about grammar, punctuation and has a good eye for detail to take a red pencil to your final draft.

Otherwise, you look like you either don't know the basic rules or writing (in which case, are you really ready for college work?) or don't care enough to present yourself well (in which case, why would the admissions people care about admitting you?).

Typos, grammatical mistakes, punctuation flubs, weird font/paragraph spacing issues. It's true that these are often unintentional mistakes. But caring about getting it right is a way to demonstrate your work ethic and dedication to the task at hand.
Going over the word limit. Part of showing your brilliance is being able to work within arbitrary rules and limitations. Going over the word count points to a lack of self-control, which is not a very attractive feature in a college applicant.
Repeating the same word(s) or sentence structure over and over again. This makes your prose monotonous and hard to read.

Bad College Essay Examples—And How to Fix Them

The beauty of writing is that you get to rewrite. So if you think of your essay as a draft waiting to be revised into a better version rather than as a precious jewel that can't bear being touched, you'll be in far better shape to correct the issues that always crop up!

Now let's take a look at some actual college essay drafts to see where the writer is going wrong and how the issue could be fixed.

Essay #1: The "I Am Writing This Essay as We Speak" Meta-Narrative

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine. I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

In my junior year, I always had in mind an image of myself finishing the college essay months before the deadline. But as the weeks dragged on and the deadline drew near, it soon became clear that at the rate things are going I would probably have to make new plans for my October, November and December.

Falling into my personal wormhole, I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!" I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

I fell into a state of panic. My college essay. My image of myself in senior year. Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there. My heart lifted, I took his advice and listed three of my greatest achievements - mastering my backgammon strategy, being a part of TREE in my sophomore year, and performing "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from The Pirates of Penzance in public. And sure enough, I felt inspiration hit me and began to type away furiously into the keyboard about my experience in TREE, or Trees Require Engaged Environmentalists. I reflected on the current state of deforestation, and described the dichotomy of it being both understandable why farmers cut down forests for farmland, and how dangerous this is to our planet. Finally, I added my personal epiphany to the end of my college essay as the cherry on the vanilla sundae, as the overused saying goes.

After 3 weeks of figuring myself out, I have converted myself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transform a human being into 603 words surely deserves a gold medal. Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In the middle of a hike through Philadelphia's Fairmount Park, I realized that the college essay was nothing more than an embodiment of my character. The two essays I have written were not right because they have failed to become more than just words on recycled paper. The subject failed to come alive. Certainly my keen interest in Star Trek and my enthusiasm for TREE are a great part of who I am, but there were other qualities essential in my character that did not come across in the essays.

With this realization, I turned around as quickly as I could without crashing into a tree.

What Essay #1 Does Well

Here are all things that are working on all cylinders for this personal statement as is.

Killer First Sentence

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine.

A strange fact. There are different kinds of tornadoes? What is a "landspout tornado" anyway?
A late-night-deep-thoughts hypothetical. What would it be like to be a kid whose house was destroyed in this unusual way?
Direct engagement with the reader. Instead of asking "what would it be like to have a tornado destroy a house" it asks "was your house ever destroyed."

Gentle, Self-Deprecating Humor That Lands Well

I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

The author has his cake and eats it too here: both making fun of himself for being super into the Star Trek mythos, but also showing himself being committed enough to try whispering a command to the Enterprise computer alone in his room. You know, just in case.

A Solid Point That Is Made Paragraph by Paragraph

The meat of the essay is that the two versions of himself that the author thought about portraying each fails in some way to describe the real him. Neither an essay focusing on his off-beat interests, nor an essay devoted to his serious activism could capture everything about a well-rounded person in 600 words.

(Image: fir0002 via Wikimedia Commons .)

Where Essay #1 Needs Revision

Rewriting these flawed parts will make the essay shine.

Spending Way Too Long on the Metanarrative

I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

Look at how long and draggy these paragraphs are, especially after that zippy opening. Is it at all interesting to read about how someone else found the process of writing hard? Not really, because this is a very common experience.

In the rewrite, I'd advise condensing all of this to maybe a sentence to get to the meat of the actual essay .

Letting Other People Do All the Doing

I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!"

Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there.

Twice in the essay, the author lets someone else tell him what to do. Not only that, but it sounds like both of the "incomplete" essays were dictated by the thoughts of other people and had little to do with his own ideas, experiences, or initiative.

In the rewrite, it would be better to recast both the Star Trek and the TREE versions of the essay as the author's own thoughts rather than someone else's suggestions . This way, the point of the essay—taking apart the idea that a college essay could summarize life experience—is earned by the author's two failed attempts to write that other kind of essay.

Leaving the Insight and Meaning Out of His Experiences

Both the Star Trek fandom and the TREE activism were obviously important life experiences for this author—important enough to be potential college essay topic candidates. But there is no description of what the author did with either one, nor any explanation of why these were so meaningful to his life.

It's fine to say that none of your achievements individually define you, but in order for that to work, you have to really sell the achievements themselves.

In the rewrite, it would be good to explore what he learned about himself and the world by pursuing these interests . How did they change him or seen him into the person he is today?

Not Adding New Shades and Facets of Himself Into the Mix

So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In both of these passages, there is the perfect opportunity to point out what exactly these failed versions of the essay didn't capture about the author . In the next essay draft, I would suggest subtly making a point about his other qualities.

For example, after the Star Trek paragraph, he could talk about other culture he likes to consume, especially if he can discuss art forms he is interested in that would not be expected from someone who loves Star Trek .

Or, after the TREE paragraph, the author could explain why this second essay was no better at capturing him than the first. What was missing? Why is the self in the essay shouting—is it because this version paints him as an overly aggressive activist?

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Essay #2: The "I Once Saw Poor People" Service Trip Essay

Unlike other teenagers, I'm not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteen year-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive. My whole outlook on life changed after I realized that my life was just being handed to me on a silver spoon, and yet there were those in the world who didn't have enough food to eat or place to live. I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

During the summer of 2006, I went on a community service trip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to help the unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies crying from hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness. But my most vivid memory was the moment I first got to the farming town. The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water? As these questions rolled around my already dazed mind, I heard a soft voice asking me in Spanish, "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" I looked down to see a small boy, around nine years of age, who looked starved, and cold, wearing tattered clothing, comforting me. These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate ahead of themselves. It was at that moment that I saw how selfish I had been. How many people suffered like this in the world, while I went about life concerned about nothing at all?

Thinking back on the trip, maybe I made a difference, maybe not. But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

What Essay #2 Does Well

Let's first point out what this draft has going for it.

Clear Chronology

This is an essay that tries to explain a shift in perspective. There are different ways to structure this overarching idea, but a chronological approach that starts with an earlier opinion, describes a mind changing event, and ends with the transformed point of view is an easy and clear way to lay this potentially complex subject out.

(Image: User:Lite via Wikimedia Commons)

Where Essay #2 Needs Revision

Now let's see what needs to be changed in order for this essay to pass muster.

Condescending, Obnoxious Tone

This is a very broad generalization, which doesn't tend to be the best way to formulate an argument—or to start an essay. It just makes this author sound dismissive of a huge swath of the population.

In the rewrite, this author would be way better off just concentrate on what she want to say about herself, not pass judgment on "other teenagers," most of whom she doesn't know and will never meet.

I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

Coming from someone who hasn't earned her place in the world through anything but the luck of being born, the word "compassion" sounds really condescending. Calling others "less fortunate" when you're a senior in high school has a dehumanizing quality to it.

These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate in front of themselves.

Again, this comes across as very patronizing. Not only that, but to this little boy the author was clearly not looking all that "fortunate"—instead, she looked pathetic enough to need comforting.

In the next draft, a better hook could be making the essay about the many different kinds of shifting perspectives the author encountered on that trip . A more meaningful essay would compare and contrast the points of view of the TV commercials, to what the group leader said, to the author's own expectations, and finally to this child's point of view.

Vague, Unobservant Description

Phrases like "cries of the small children from not having enough to eat" and "dirt stained rags" seem like descriptions, but they're really closer to incurious and completely hackneyed generalizations. Why were the kids were crying? How many kids? All the kids? One specific really loud kid?

The same goes for "filthy rags," which is both an incredibly insensitive way to talk about the clothing of these villagers, and again shows a total lack of interest in their life. Why were their clothes dirty? Were they workers or farmers so their clothes showing marks of labor? Did they have Sunday clothes? Traditional clothes they would put on for special occasions? Did they make their own clothes? That would be a good reason to keep wearing clothing even if it had "stains" on it.

The rewrite should either make this section more specific and less reliant on cliches, or should discard it altogether .

The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality.

If this is the "most vivid memory," then I would expect to read all the details that have been seared into the author's brain. What did their leader tell them? What was different in real life? What was the light like? What did the houses/roads/grass/fields/trees/animals/cars look like? What time of day was it? Did they get there by bus, train, or plane? Was there an airport/train station/bus terminal? A city center? Shops? A marketplace?

There are any number of details to include here when doing another drafting pass.

Lack of Insight or Maturity

But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water?

Without a framing device explaining that this initial panic was an overreaction, this section just makes the author sound whiny, entitled, melodramatic, and immature . After all, this isn't a a solo wilderness trek—the author is there with a paid guided program. Just how much mortality is typically associated with these very standard college-application-boosting service trips?

In a rewrite, I would suggest including more perspective on the author's outsized and overprivileged response here. This would fit well with a new focus on the different points of view on this village the author encountered.

Unearned, Clichéd "Deep Thoughts"

But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

Is it really believable that this is what the author learned? There is maybe some evidence to suggest that the author was shaken somewhat out of a comfortable, materialistic existence. But what does "there is more to life than just being alive" even really mean? This conclusion is rather vague, and seems mostly a non sequitur.

In a rewrite, the essay should be completely reoriented to discuss how differently others see us than we see ourselves, pivoting on the experience of being pitied by someone who you thought was pitiable. Then, the new version can end by on a note of being better able to understand different points of view and other people's perspectives .

The Bottom Line

Bad college essays have problems either with their topics or their execution.
The essay is how admissions officers learn about your personality, point of view, and maturity level, so getting the topic right is a key factor in letting them see you as an aware, self-directed, open-minded applicant who is going to thrive in an environment of independence.
The essay is also how admissions officers learn that you are writing at a ready-for-college level, so screwing up the execution shows that you either don't know how to write, or don't care enough to do it well.
The main ways college essay topics go wrong is bad taste, bad judgment, and lack of self-awareness.
The main ways college essays fail in their execution have to do with ignoring format, syntax, and genre expectations.

What's Next?

Want to read some excellent college essays now that you've seen some examples of flawed one? Take a look through our roundup of college essay examples published by colleges and then get help with brainstorming your perfect college essay topic .

Need some guidance on other parts of the application process? Check out our detailed, step-by-step guide to college applications for advice.

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Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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College essay
College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn’t

College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn't

Published on November 8, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on August 14, 2023.

One effective method for improving your college essay is to read example essays . Here are three sample essays, each with a bad and good version to help you improve your own essay.

Essay 1: sharing an identity or background through a montage, essay 2: overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative, essay 3: showing the influence of an important person or thing, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

This essay uses a montage structure to show snapshots of a student’s identity and background. The writer builds her essay around the theme of the five senses, sharing memories she associates with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

In the weak rough draft, there is little connection between the individual anecdotes, and they do not robustly demonstrate the student’s qualities.

In the final version, the student uses an extended metaphor of a museum to create a strong connection among her stories, each showcasing a different part of her identity. She draws a specific personal insight from each memory and uses the stories to demonstrate her qualities and values.

How My Five Senses Record My Life

Throughout my life, I have kept a record of my life’s journey with my five senses. This collection of memories matters a great deal because I experience life every day through the lens of my identity.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

My classmate pulls one eye up and the other down.

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention to my discomfort, anger, and shame. How could he say such a mean thing about me? What did I do to him? Joseph’s words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Soaking in overflowing bubble baths with Andrew Lloyd Webber belting from the boombox.

Listening to “Cell Block Tango” with my grandparents while eating filet mignon at a dine-in show in Ashland.

Singing “The Worst Pies in London” at a Korean karaoke club while laughing hysterically with my brother, who can do an eerily spot-on rendition of Sweeney Todd.

Taking car rides with Mom in the Toyota Sequoia as we compete to hit the high note in “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera . Neither of us stands a chance!

The sweet scent of vegetables, Chinese noodles, and sushi wafts through the room as we sit around the table. My grandma presents a good-smelling mixture of international cuisine for our Thanksgiving feast. My favorite is the Chinese food that she cooks. Only the family prayer stands between me and the chance to indulge in these delicious morsels, comforting me with their familiar savory scents.

I rinse a faded plastic plate decorated by my younger sister at the Waterworks Art Center. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. I actually don’t mind this daily chore.

I taste sweat on my upper lip as I fight to continue pedaling on a stationary bike. Ava’s next to me and tells me to go up a level. We’re biking buddies, dieting buddies, and Saturday morning carbo-load buddies. After the bike display hits 30 minutes, we do a five-minute cool down, drink Gatorade, and put our legs up to rest.

My five senses are always gathering new memories of my identity. I’m excited to expand my collection.

Word count: 455

College essay checklist

Topic and structure

I’ve selected a topic that’s meaningful to me.
My essay reveals something different from the rest of my application.
I have a clear and well-structured narrative.
I’ve concluded with an insight or a creative ending.

Writing style and tone

I’ve crafted an introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.
I’ve written my essay in a way that shows instead of tells.
I’ve used appropriate style and tone for a college essay.
I’ve used specific, vivid personal stories that would be hard to replicate.
I’ve demonstrated my positive traits and values in my essay.
My essay is focused on me, not another person or thing.
I’ve included self-reflection and insight in my essay.
I’ve respected the word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

Making Sense of My Identity

Welcome to The Rose Arimoto Museum. You are about to enter the “Making Sense of My Identity” collection. Allow me to guide you through select exhibits, carefully curated memories from Rose’s sensory experiences.

First, the Sight Exhibit.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention as my lip trembles and palms sweat. Joseph couldn’t have known how his words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Ten years later, these same eyes now fixate on an InDesign layout sheet, searching for grammar errors while my friend Selena proofreads our feature piece on racial discrimination in our hometown. As we’re the school newspaper editors, our journalism teacher Ms. Riley allows us to stay until midnight to meet tomorrow’s deadline. She commends our work ethic, which for me is fueled by writing一my new weapon of choice.

Next, you’ll encounter the Sound Exhibit.

Still, the world is my Broadway as I find my voice on stage.

Just below, enter the Smell Exhibit.

While I help my Pau Pau prepare dinner, she divulges her recipe for cha siu bau, with its soft, pillowy white exterior hiding the fragrant filling of braised barbecue pork inside. The sweet scent of candied yams, fun see , and Spam musubi wafts through the room as we gather around our Thankgsiving feast. After our family prayer, we indulge in these delicious morsels until our bellies say stop. These savory scents of my family’s cultural heritage linger long after I’ve finished the last bite.

Next up, the Touch Exhibit.

I rinse a handmade mug that I had painstakingly molded and painted in ceramics class. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. For a few fleeting moments, as I continue my nightly chore, the pressure of my weekend job, tomorrow’s calculus exam, and next week’s track meet are washed away.

Finally, we end with the Taste Exhibit.

My legs fight to keep pace with the stationary bike as the salty taste of sweat seeps into corners of my mouth. Ava challenges me to take it up a level. We always train together一even keeping each other accountable on our strict protein diet of chicken breasts, broccoli, and Muscle Milk. We occasionally splurge on Saturday mornings after interval training, relishing the decadence of everything bagels smeared with raspberry walnut cream cheese. But this is Wednesday, so I push myself. I know that once the digital display hits 30:00, we’ll allow our legs to relax into a five-minute cool down, followed by the fiery tang of Fruit Punch Gatorade to rehydrate.

Thank you for your attention. This completes our tour. I invite you to rejoin us for next fall’s College Experience collection, which will exhibit Rose’s continual search for identity and learning.

Word count: 649

I’ve crafted an essay introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

This essay uses a narrative structure to recount how a student overcame a challenge, specifically a sports injury. Since this topic is often overused, the essay requires vivid description, a memorable introduction and conclusion , and interesting insight.

The weak rough draft contains an interesting narrative, insight, and vivid imagery, but it has an overly formal tone that distracts the reader from the story. The student’s use of elaborate vocabulary in every sentence makes the essay sound inauthentic and stilted.

The final essay uses a more natural, conversational tone and chooses words that are vivid and specific without being pretentious. This allows the reader to focus on the narrative and appreciate the student’s unique insight.

One fateful evening some months ago, a defensive linebacker mauled me, his 212 pounds indisputably alighting upon my ankle. Ergo, an abhorrent cracking of calcified tissue. At first light the next day, I awoke cognizant of a new paradigm—one sans football—promulgated by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

It’s been an exceedingly taxing semester not being able to engage in football, but I am nonetheless excelling in school. That twist of fate never would have come to pass if I hadn’t broken my ankle. I still limp down the halls at school, but I’m feeling less maudlin these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, emboldened by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

Five months ago, right after my ill-fated injury, my friends’ demeanor became icy and remote, although I couldn’t fathom why. My teachers, in contrast, beckoned me close and invited me on a new learning journey. But despite their indubitably kind advances, even they recoiled when I drew near.

A few weeks later, I started to change my attitude vis-à-vis my newfound situation and determined to put my energy toward productive ends (i.e., homework). I wasn’t enamored with school. I never had been. Nevertheless, I didn’t abhor it either. I just preferred football.

My true turn of fate came when I started studying more and participating in class. I started to enjoy history class, and I grew interested in reading more. I discovered a volume of poems written by a fellow adventurer on the road of life, and I loved it. I ravenously devoured everything in the writer’s oeuvre .

As the weeks flitted past, I found myself spending my time with a group of people who were quite different from me. They participated in theater and played instruments in marching band. They raised their hands in class when the teacher posed a question. Because of their auspicious influence, I started raising my hand too. I am no longer vapid, and I now have something to say.

I am certain that your school would benefit from my miraculous academic transformation, and I entreat you to consider my application to your fine institution. Accepting me to your university would be an unequivocally righteous decision.

Word count: 408

I’ve chosen a college essay topic that’s meaningful to me.
I’ve respected the essay word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

As I step out of bed, the pain shoots through my foot and up my leg like it has every morning since “the game.” That night, a defensive linebacker tackled me, his 212 pounds landing decidedly on my ankle. I heard the sound before I felt it. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

My broken ankle broke my spirit.

My friends steered clear of me as I hobbled down the halls at school. My teachers tried to find the delicate balance between giving me space and offering me help. I was as unsure how to deal with myself as they were.

In time, I figured out how to redirect some of my frustration, anger, and pent-up energy toward my studies. I had never not liked school, but I had never really liked it either. In my mind, football practice was my real-life classroom, where I could learn all I ever needed to know.

Then there was that day in Mrs. Brady’s history class. We sang a ridiculous-sounding mnemonic song to memorize all the Chinese dynasties from Shang to Qing. I mumbled the words at first, but I got caught up in the middle of the laughter and began singing along. Starting that day, I began browsing YouTube videos about history, curious to learn more. I had started learning something new, and, to my surprise, I liked it.

With my afternoons free from burpees and scrimmages, I dared to crack open a few more of my books to see what was in them. That’s when my English poetry book, Paint Me Like I Am , caught my attention. It was full of poems written by students my age from WritersCorps. I couldn’t get enough.

I wasn’t the only one who was taken with the poems. Previously, I’d only been vaguely aware of Christina as one of the weird kids I avoided. Crammed in the margins of her high-top Chuck Taylors were scribbled lines of her own poetry and infinite doodles. Beyond her punk rock persona was a sensitive artist, puppy-lover, and environmental activist that a wide receiver like me would have never noticed before.

With Christina, I started making friends with people who once would have been invisible to me: drama geeks, teachers’ pets, band nerds. Most were college bound but not to play a sport. They were smart and talented, and they cared about people and politics and all sorts of issues that I hadn’t considered before. Strangely, they also seemed to care about me.

I still limp down the halls at school, but I don’t seem to mind as much these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, excited by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

My broken ankle broke my spirit. Then, it broke my ignorance.

Word count: 512

This essay uses a narrative structure to show how a pet positively influenced the student’s values and character.

In the weak draft, the student doesn’t focus on himself, instead delving into too much detail about his dog’s positive traits and his grandma’s illness. The essay’s structure is meandering, with tangents and details that don’t communicate any specific insight.

In the improved version, the student keeps the focus on himself, not his pet. He chooses the most relevant stories to demonstrate specific qualities, and the structure more clearly builds up to an insightful conclusion.

Man’s Best Friend

I desperately wanted a cat. I begged my parents for one, but once again, my sisters overruled me, so we drove up the Thompson Valley Canyon from Loveland to Estes Park to meet our newest family member. My sisters had already hatched their master plan, complete with a Finding Nemo blanket to entice the pups. The blanket was a hit with all of them, except for one—the one who walked over and sat in my lap. That was the day that Francisco became a Villanova.

Maybe I should say he was mine because I got stuck with all the chores. As expected, my dog-loving sisters were nowhere to be found! My mom was “extra” with all the doggy gear. Cisco even had to wear these silly little puppy shoes outside so that when he came back in, he wouldn’t get the carpets dirty. If it was raining, my mother insisted I dress Cisco in a ridiculous yellow raincoat, but, in my opinion, it was an unnecessary source of humiliation for poor Cisco. It didn’t take long for Cisco to decide that his outerwear could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I took off one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his ensemble more when we had to walk through snowdrifts to get his job done.

When my abuela was dying from cancer, we went in the middle of the night to see her before she passed. I was sad and scared. But, my dad let me take Cisco in the car, so Cisco cuddled with me and made me feel much better. It’s like he could read my mind. Once we arrived at the hospital, the fluorescent lighting made the entire scene seem unreal, as if I was watching the scene unfold through someone else’s eyes. My grandma lay calmly on her bed, smiling at us even through her last moments of pain. I disliked seeing the tubes and machines hooked up to her. It was unnatural to see her like this一it was so unlike the way I usually saw her beautiful in her flowery dress, whistling a Billie Holiday tune and baking snickerdoodle cookies in the kitchen. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained at the foot of the bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that seemed more effective at communicating comfort and compassion than the rest of us who attempted to offer up words of comfort that just seemed hollow and insincere. It was then that I truly appreciated Cisco’s empathy for others.

As I accompanied my dad to pick up our dry cleaner’s from Ms. Chapman, a family friend asked, “How’s Cisco?” before even asking about my sisters or me. Cisco is the Villanova family mascot, a Goldendoodle better recognized by strangers throughout Loveland than the individual members of my family.

On our summer trip to Boyd Lake State Park, we stayed at the Cottonwood campground for a breathtaking view of the lake. Cisco was allowed to come, but we had to keep him on a leash at all times. After a satisfying meal of fish, our entire family walked along the beach. Cisco and I led the way while my mom and sisters shuffled behind. Cisco always stopped and refused to move, looking back to make sure the others were still following. Once satisfied that everyone was together, he would turn back around and continue prancing with his golden boy curly locks waving in the chilly wind.

On the beach, Cisco “accidentally” got let off his leash and went running maniacally around the sand, unfettered and free. His pure joy as he raced through the sand made me forget about my AP Chem exam or my student council responsibilities. He brings a smile not only to my family members but everyone around him.

Cisco won’t live forever, but without words, he has impressed upon me life lessons of responsibility, compassion, loyalty, and joy. I can’t imagine life without him.

Word count: 701

I quickly figured out that as “the chosen one,” I had been enlisted by Cisco to oversee all aspects of his “business.” I learned to put on Cisco’s doggie shoes to keep the carpet clean before taking him out一no matter the weather. Soon after, Cisco decided that his shoes could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I removed one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his footwear more after I’d gear him up and we’d tread through the snow for his daily walks.

One morning, it was 7:15 a.m., and Alejandro was late again to pick me up. “Cisco, you don’t think he overslept again, do you?” Cisco barked, as if saying, “Of course he did!” A text message would never do, so I called his dad, even if it was going to get him in trouble. There was no use in both of us getting another tardy during our first-period class, especially since I was ready on time after taking Cisco for his morning outing. Alejandro was mad at me but not too much. He knew I had helped him out, even if he had to endure his dad’s lecture on punctuality.

Another early morning, I heard my sister yell, “Mom! Where are my good ballet flats? I can’t find them anywhere!” I hesitated and then confessed, “I moved them.” She shrieked at me in disbelief, but I continued, “I put them in your closet, so Cisco wouldn’t chew them up.” More disbelief. However, this time, there was silence instead of shrieking.

Last spring, Cisco and I were fast asleep when the phone rang at midnight. Abuela would not make it through the night after a long year of chemo, but she was in Pueblo, almost three hours away. Sitting next to me for that long car ride on I-25 in pitch-black darkness, Cisco knew exactly what I needed and snuggled right next to me as I petted his coat in a rhythm while tears streamed down my face. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained sitting at the foot of the hospital bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that communicated more comfort than our hollow words. Since then, whenever I sense someone is upset, I sit in silence with them or listen to their words, just like Cisco did.

The other day, one of my friends told me, “You’re a strange one, Josue. You’re not like everybody else but in a good way.” I didn’t know what he meant at first. “You know, you’re super responsible and grown-up. You look out for us instead of yourself. Nobody else does that.” I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t trying to do anything different. I was just being me. But then I realized who had taught me: a fluffy little puppy who I had wished was a cat! I didn’t choose Cisco, but he certainly chose me and, unexpectedly, became my teacher, mentor, and friend.

Word count: 617

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

Writing process
Transition words
Passive voice
Paraphrasing

Communication

How to end an email
Ms, mrs, miss
How to start an email
I hope this email finds you well
Hope you are doing well

Parts of speech

Personal pronouns
Conjunctions

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

A unique, personally meaningful topic
A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

Though admissions officers are interested in hearing your story, they’re also interested in how you tell it. An exceptionally written essay will differentiate you from other applicants, meaning that admissions officers will spend more time reading it.

You can use literary devices to catch your reader’s attention and enrich your storytelling; however, focus on using just a few devices well, rather than trying to use as many as possible.

Most importantly, your essay should be about you , not another person or thing. An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability.

Your essay shouldn’t be a résumé of your experiences but instead should tell a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

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College essay don’ts: 37 Things to Avoid In a college essay

Knowing what not to write about in a college essay is just as important as knowing what to write about!

This post is all about college essay don’ts , including college essay topics to avoid and how not to write your college application essays.

It’s so important to know what NOT to write about in your college application essay. Whether you’re crafting your essay for the Common App or writing shorter college-specific essays, you need to know how not to write a college essay.

Choosing the wrong topic for your college application essays could mean that you don’t get admitted to your dream school or you miss out on scholarship money.

Since you really only have one chance to get it right, you need to know what topics to avoid in your college admissions essays, general college essay don’ts, and what other pitfalls to avoid when writing your college essays.

Essay writing may feel overwhelming and stressful, but knowing what not to do will help you write a great college essay!

What not to write in your college application essay

So you know exactly what not do in college admissions essays, here are 37 college essay tips about college essay don’ts. Follow this advice to know what not to write about in your college essay!

1. Don’t restate the Essay prompt

Start your essay with a hook. Start with dialogue. Start by setting the scene.

Don’t start by restating the essay topic! The reader knows the essay prompts, so just start telling your story.

A great story will immediately grab the attention of the admission officers and make them want to keep reading!

2. Don’t try to be funny in your college admissions essay

There’s a good chance that what you think is funny may not be funny to the admissions officer. And even if your admissions officer thinks it’s funny, the dean of admissions may not agree.

Clever writing that naturally tells a funny story will get you further than trying too hard to make everyone laugh.

3. Don’t swear

You might not mind vulgar language, but many people do. It will come off as tasteless and crass. Simply put, curse words should not be part of your college admissions essay.

4. Don’t just tell the reader what you think

Tell the reader what you did, how you felt, how you changed—not just what you think. Admissions officers don’t want to read about what you think in the abstract.

They want to know what has happened to you in life, how that’s affected you, and what you did as a result.

Write an engaging, interesting story that shows the reader how you’ve grown and what you’ve learned.

5. Don’t try to Appear perfect

It’s okay that your life is messy and you don’t have it all together. It’s okay that you’re not super organized and you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up.

Your college essay doesn’t need to be about how awesome you are (really, it shouldn’t be!). It just needs to be about the real you. Remember, your personal essay for college should be just that—personal!

6. Don’t brag

Your achievements are all listed on your resume.

Writing about how great you are, how you saved the day, or how you’re a hero to others is not going to make a positive impression on the reader.

Leave the bragging to the people who wrote your letters of reference.

7. Don’t emphasize status

Avoid topics that emphasize your financial privilege. Voluntourism trips to aid people living in poverty in far-flung areas of the world is a key example of this.

Don’t write about going on a mission trip to a third world country to volunteer to help the less fortunate and how you learned how privileged you are. Just don’t.

8. Don’t lie

Don’t inflate your accomplishments. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.

If you write something dishonest in your essay, it won’t match the other parts of your application. If you were found to have been dishonest when writing your essay, you will not be offered admission at that college.

9. Don’t reveal too much

If you have faced personal challenges, like addiction, mental health struggles, or learning disabilities, those struggles are part of you. You should feel proud of overcoming them.

But your college admissions essay is not the place to share your most deeply personal experiences.

Some college admissions officers may read about your challenges and want to welcome someone with your tenacity and spirit to their campus.

Unfortunately, most admissions officers will read about your challenges and worry that you will face similar issues at their university.

Many colleges choose not accept applicants who have demonstrated past mental health issues. This might not seem fair, but it is reality. Don’t hide your true self or be dishonest, but carefully consider how much you want to reveal in your admissions essay about your private struggles.

10. Don’t write about illegal activities

It’s a safe bet that most colleges do not want to admit students who have a history of participating in illegal activities.

Even if you plan to talk about drug use, alcohol use, jail time, or committing crimes as a way to show growth and discuss lessons learned, illegal activities show a lack of maturity and questionable judgement.

Writing about criminal behavior will not reflect well on you as a candidate for admission. Illegal activities make bad topics for college essays.

11. Don’t summarize your resume

This is one of the biggest college essay don’ts! Your college essay is your opportunity to tell the college admissions office who you really are and what really matters to you.

Your resume already lists your activities, and your transcript details your grades. Your college essay isn’t the place to review these facts; it’s your chance to stand out by telling your story.

12. Don’t tell a general story

Be specific. In fact, be very specific. Focusing on the details of your story will help make your college essay unique so that it stands out.

A good college essay will tell a story that could only have been written by you—no one else.

Instead of telling a biopic story of your life, focus on one aspect of your life—your beliefs, a meaningful experience, a key event—that explains who you are and what matters to you.

13. Don’t write about cliché topics

Avoid writing about the sports victories and defeats. Winning a big game or losing a championship game might mean a lot to you, but sports are common topic and best avoided.

Don’t write about overcoming an academic setback or a romantic breakup.

14. Don’t write about something controversial

You don’t know who will be reading your college admissions essay, and they might not agree with your views on controversial topics.

Moreover, your reader might not appreciate how you approach a sensitive topic. You might appear close-minded and unempathetic.

The last thing you want to do is make the admissions officers reading your essay think you would bring discord to the campus community.

15. Don’t undervalue the small stuff

Great essays can be crafted from the small, personal details of daily life.

Don’t underestimate what interesting essays can be written about your morning routine, your favorite family recipe, your relationship with your sibling, or what you do on a snow day.

In fact, some of the most memorable, best essays have been about a random item, food, or daily routine.

16. Don’t go negative

Criticizing other people, your current school, or anything else will probably just make a bad impression on your readers.

Don’t whine about your life. Negativity says more about you and how you perceive the world around you than it does about anything else. Certainly don’t criticize the college you’re applying to!

If you do want to write about negative experiences you’ve had, quickly move on to discussing what you’ve learned or how you’ve grown as a result of those experiences.

17. Don’t be pompous

Never assume that you know better than your readers or that your approach is the only way.

Don’t tell your reader what they should think. Avoid making generalized value judgements.

18. Don’t go completely off topic

Don’t try to stand out by submitting a poem or creative writing sample.

Write a thoughtful, well-crafted essay about yourself, just like they asked for.

Show that you respect the school admissions committee’s request and can follow directions.

19. Don’t ignore the prompt

College admission essay topics are designed to allow you a lot of freedom in how you answer. Craft a story that tells something about you, within the framework of the prompt.

Just double check that your essay answers the prompt, to make sure you didn’t veer off topic as you wrote and edited the essay.

Also know that you can write about whatever you’d like to . In your essay writing process, if you find that the first prompt you chose isn’t working out, choose a different one and start again.

20. Don’t get the tone wrong

Your college admissions essay is not an expository essay, formulaic and devoid of warmth. Nor is it the right time for you to use all the fancy words you’ve been studying for the SAT.

Your college admissions essay should be engaging, show your personality, and sound like you—a teenager reflecting on your life thus far.

21. Don’t write a trite conclusion

If your essay has done its job, you shouldn’t need to sum it all up for the reader in a neat little final sentence.

If you have shown your reader what you’ve learned, how you’ve grown, or who you are, you don’t need to say it explicitly at the end of your essay.

The conclusion is often the hardest part of the essay to get just right, so don’t worry if it’s hard to find the perfect words. Take a break from writing it and come back in a few days to get a fresh perspective on what you’re trying to say.

22. Don’t wait until the last minute to Write

Start writing your college admissions essay weeks, if not months, before its due. Senior year is an incredibly busy time, so it’s a great idea to get started on your college admission essays as early as possible.

Leave plenty of time to think about what you want to say, revise and edit, and finalize the essay. You’ll be amazed at how your essay can improve if you allow ample time to work on it.

If you’re going to apply early decision or early action, consider starting to work on your main essay the summer after junior year, before your senior year even starts, or early in the fall of senior year.

23. Don’t ignore the word count

You don’t want to write too much or too little. Aim to be within a few words of the word limit. Express yourself clearly and concisely.

24. Don’t repeat your resume

When you’re writing your personal statement essay, don’t just repeat your high school resume.

Your personal essay is your chance to talk about an aspect of your personality or life experiences that can’t be found anywhere else in your college application.

The list of courses you’ve taken (and your grades) tell about your academic interests. So there’s no need to turn your essay into a list of your academic achievements!

Your extracurricular activities show what you’re interested in and how you use your time. If you want to discuss how your extracurricular activities have been formative experiences for you, focus on one particular example. Don’t re-list all your volunteer experiences!

Your personal statement essay should reveal something about you that doesn’t show up in the rest of your application.

25. Don’t write about an “example” topic

If you have read some amazing examples of college essays, and you’re thinking that you could write on that same topic, don’t.

Chances are, if your English teacher pointed out those examples, or you found them via a Google search, every other high school senior (and every school admission officer) has seen those essays too!

Instead, dig deep and write your own amazing personal statement !

26. Don’t copy and paste

It’s completely fine to use the Common App to submit your personal essay to every school on your list (as long as they accept the Common App, of course).

But for each college’s specific essays, tailor your essay to each school. Include specific details about each college that make you want to go there. And make sure your responses are appropriate to the culture of each college.

If you do copy and paste your essays, be sure the essay doesn’t refer to the wrong school!

27. Don’t overuse the thesaurus

Everyone gets stuck using the same words over and over again, and it’s fine to check a thesaurus when you’re writing.

But don’t use big words just in an attempt to impress the college admissions officers. Don’t use words you don’t really understand to try to sound smart.

For a great college application essay, write naturally in your own voice and let your true personality show.

28. Don’t plagiarize

If you’re submitting someone else’s college essay as your own, you’re giving up the chance to share your unique story with the admissions office.

You’re also risking an automatic rejection if you’re caught!

29. Don’t be fake

Use your essay to tell the admissions officers what you want them to know about you.

Don’t try to guess what the admissions officers would like for you to say or try to be someone you’re not.

Don’t invent a tragic event in your past, claim to have done hours and hours of community service you haven’t done, or exaggerate any aspect of your life.

Be authentic, write with your own voice, and craft an essay that stands out from the other applicants.

Simply take your time to craft a thoughtful essay that tells your personal story. Talk about your unique perspective on one specific experience in your life, using your authentic voice.

30. Don’t write a school essay

Your college admissions essay is not a five-paragraph expository essay that you would write for English class.

A winning college essay should have a beginning and an end, but the part in the middle should tell a good story, not make an argument in three points.

The expository essay style of writing might be what your English teacher wants, but it makes for bad college essays.

For a college application, a well-written essay will examine your personal growth, your unique experience in life, and the different perspectives through which you see the world. And you should do this by crafting an intriguing story about a specific moment or experience that was significant to you.

31. Don’t Avoid feedback

If you’re feeling stuck, feel free to ask someone else—a teacher, parent, family member, or friend—to read your essay. Getting feedback on your entire essay is the best way to get a sense of how admissions officers will respond to reading it.

Feedback does not mean that they tell you what to write or how to write it.

Feedback should mean getting input from someone else can help you learn where your essay veers off point or where you need to dig deeper to tell a better story.

32. Don’t skip editing

Please allow enough time to write AND edit your essay. Ideally, you will write a first draft of your essay, then edit it, then get feedback, then edit it again, then write a final draft (then proofread it—see below).

Expect to write at least three or four, and maybe many more, drafts of your college application essay. Your essay will improve with each round of editing.

The essay writing process can be time consuming, but in the end you’ll have a strong essay to share with college admissions offices, so it will be worth it!

33. Don’t overedit

What? Didn’t I just tell you to edit?

Yes, absolutely. Just be sure that after you’ve shown your essay to trusted readers and you’ve made your edits, your story still remains.

The essay should still have your voice and should tell the story you want to tell.

34. Don’t skip proofreading

After you make your edits and write a “final draft,” you might want to click send and submit your essay. But not so fast!

Take time to do a final proofread of your essay.

Better yet, ask a teacher, college counselor, or someone with excellent grammar and spelling skills to proofread your essay. Having a fresh set of eyes on your essay will help ensure it is error-free.

35. Don’t just rely on Spellcheck

It’s really important to have an actual person proofread your essay.

Spellcheck and other editing software won’t necessarily catch grammar errors, typos, or poorly structured arguments.

It’s always a good idea to trust the final proofread of your essay to a person, rather than technology.

36. Don’t submit your essay at the last minute

You never know when a website will get glitchy!

Don’t take a chance that the Common Application or an individual university’s website won’t act up at a crucial moment. Do your best to upload your college essay at least a day before it’s due!

The admissions process is stressful enough without adding in technical errors. Don’t risk missing the deadline by procrastinating!

37. Don’t submit an incomplete essay

When you’re in the Common App website or a specific college’s application portal, and you attach your admission essay, scan it quickly before hitting the submit button.

Be sure you attached the correct file or that the complete essay transferred when you copied and pasted it into the online form.

It won’t matter if you write a great essay if you don’t submit it correctly!

Final thoughts on college essay don’ts and what not to write in your college essay

Personal essays are a key part of the college application process. College admissions counselors, especially at smaller colleges, use college essays to learn more about the applicants applying for admission at their school.

An amazing college essay might not make up for bad grades or a lack of extracurriculars, but a poorly written essay may push your application into the reject pile. This is especially true now that test scores are usually optional.

Successful essays allow admissions officers to learn about your personal qualities, your take on global issues, and how you might contribute to campus life.

Writing a great college admission essay is the most important thing you can do to make a great impression on the admissions team.

After looking at so many college applicants, test scores, GPAs, and awards all blend together. It’s the personal essays that stand out when admission counselors are deciding which high school seniors will be accepted.

So, it’s worth taking your time to write the best college admissions essays you can.

By avoiding all these college essay don’ts, you’ll know what not to write in your college essay.

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What My College Essays Were [Not] by Phoebe C. '18

Unsolicited advice about writing.

November 12, 2015

in Admissions ,
Process & Statistics

During my college application season, the adults around me (in addition to books like 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays , which I would not recommend reading) gave a lot of advice that sounded like this: “Show the admissions committee who you are!”, “Be passionate!”, “Don’t worry so much! You’ll be happy wherever you end up!”, and so on.

Okay—I mean, these tips certainly make a lot of sense in hindsight, but they didn’t help me at all when I was actually writing my essays. If you are applying to college now, you probably know what I mean.

I remember being extremely stressed out by cutthroat competition and judgment from high-achieving peers. I did not have a unifying passion, just a handful of scattered interests, a strong work ethic, and a busy life (kind of like now, ha). When I expressed concerns about my essays, my parents literally said to me, “your SAT score is high and you are a good writer so you will probably be fine.” Man, I love my parents, but this was neither helpful nor encouraging 1 .

In lieu of repeating clichés or telling you that you will probably be fine, I’ll say a few concrete things about my essays. These facts about my essays are not advice, or even guidelines . I can only tell you what I did; your mileage may vary. I will also try to offer general advice. I hope some of it is helpful.

Read this first.

Okay. Here we go.

My essays were important. My essays were not related to my “stats.”

You have your GPA, your SAT/ACT scores, etc.—you can’t do anything about those, so please try not to worry about them (i.e. promise me that you will stay off of College Confidential). Also, and this really goes without saying: if you feel that you have to misrepresent the truth dramatically in order to convince an admissions committee that you are a good fit for their school, you should reevaluate your approach 2 .

A big variable that still remains under your control is your essays.

What’s important in an essay? Well, I’m not on any admissions committee, so I can only speculate. Fortunately, to make your life easier, MIT published a page about what it values . Focus your application on some of these points. Or at least keep them in mind.

But there is no checklist for an essay. An essay should not serve as proof that you have some list of qualities and are therefore a perfect applicant—you are not, and you do not need to be. Rather, essays can shed light on how you think about the world and how you grapple with obstacles 3 .

Remember that you are applying to be part of a student body, not just an academic community. Wherever you are applying: you are applying not only to take classes and do work there, but also to eat and sleep and socialize and grow and cry there for the next four-ish years. Don’t ever assume your numerical scores and lists of activities will speak for themselves—you have much, much more to offer than that. So flaunt it.

My essays were about how I spent time. My essays did not use the word “passion.”

On the content of essays: someone has probably said to you, “Write about your passions.” So you try to do exactly that. But it’s hard to go into college admissions knowing exactly what your passions are, especially because grade school tends to prevent intense pursuit of a single passion. It is not as simple as “finding what you love to do” because such loves generally are not just sitting around waiting to be discovered 4 .

Often, you have to struggle really hard with something before you are good enough at it to really love it, but then the feelings of ~*~passion~*~ might be gone. Is it passion if you are still in the middle of the struggle and kind of hate it? Is it passion if you’ve been doing it for so long it’s like a reflex and you no longer actively feel excited about it (like math, for me)? 5

People throw around the word “passion” a lot, but passion is just an emotional reaction (an ill-defined one, at that), and emotions are unreliable. 6 A better guideline: write about what you’ve spent a lot of time on.

Start by looking at what you’ve spent the most time on, then figure out which activities you particularly enjoyed, and then remember how you became interested in those activities and detail why they are important to you. You can also see what unifying themes (potential passions?) these activities share.

Students applying to college often think they need to write a poignant story about a lifelong passion for their field of interest and fit all their extracurricular activities into this common theme. Otherwise, people say, “ the admissions committee might think you were just trying to pad your application with random, impressive-sounding extracurriculars! ”

But come on, you are still a teenager; it is okay to have explored and changed course. It is okay to have been in the school orchestra for two years and then dropped it because you realized you didn’t want to play the violin anymore and wanted to focus on other interests. (I did this.) It is okay to still include it on your application. (I did this, too.) Dropping an activity doesn’t mean you are a flaky, useless person, and including it doesn’t mean you are a liar obsessed with impressing colleges. (I remember classmates being judgmental about this kind of thing, and these are real thoughts I had when filling out my application…yikes.)

Be genuine, be honest, and do not worry if you have not been interested in the same thing since the age of three. Do not worry if you do not have a single defining experience that shaped every single goal you had afterwards. No one’s life story is that neat.

My essays were restrained. My essays were not overly confessional.

Nonetheless, remember that any application process is a process of persuasion . The college application process just happens to be a lot more soul-baring and personal than most.

It can be a taboo to mention impressing an admissions committee, but it is also idealistic to say “Just be yourself and you will end up exactly where you need to be.” Yes, you should be yourself, but not in a completely uncontrolled way. It is necessary to consider the values of different schools and demonstrate that your personal history aligns with those values. Try to be convincing. If you’re unable to be convincing without lying, you are applying to the wrong school or using the wrong approach.

Be picky about the anecdotes and details you include. There is more than one way to tell a story. There is more than one story you can choose to tell. Choose carefully! (On the other hand, in any case, there is more than one story that can work well, so it’s not as though you’re doomed if you don’t pick the perfect one.)

I wrote two essays for the Common Application. The first essay was supposed to be a standard personal growth story. An exaggerated telling of a single night’s events, it came out sounding self-pitying and cloying. I spent about a month trying to rework it into something that represented me better, but I eventually threw it out and wrote an entirely different one. The second essay was weird . It was like…a listicle about Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi 7 , written by a Joan Didion fanatic. But it was also sincere and revealing, and I loved it, especially after having it proofread and revising it many times. When December came around, I submitted it. I was not completely successful with college admissions, but I have no regrets about that essay.

If you have a specific essay that makes you say, “This essay is awful, and if I don’t get in, I am going to regret not working harder on this essay”…work on that essay first, instead of the ones you already like. Even if you don’t want to look at it. Please.

(Also, don’t feel pressure to write an unconventional essay solely for the sake of standing out! My Common App essay just happened to come out that way, probably because I make a lot of lists.)

My essays were focused. My essays were not my entire life story.

Remember that there is no way you’ll be able to fit your entire life story into your application.

Sometimes people make exaggerated generalizations to fit more content into less space. If this sounds like you, and you’re struggling, perhaps try to decrease your scope and write a sharper, more specific essay? (This is possibly a matter of personal taste, though… 8 )

When you’re caught in your own writing, it can be hard to part with distracting details. But cutting out content often makes an argument/essay stronger. If you struggle with making your essays fit word limits, it can be very helpful to get a second opinion (from someone who you think writes well) about which details are important.

In the vein of what I said about not writing an unconventional essay just for the sake of standing out: don’t include details without purpose! When I was revising my friends’ essays, I constantly asked, “Why is this sentence here? What does it illustrate about you/your life/this story? What is the point of your essay, and how does this sentence move you towards your point?” If a detail doesn’t have a clear reason for being in your essay, take it out or change it. Be concise. 500 words is not a lot.

Read this . Try to include incisive, relevant anecdotes. Find a reliable proofreader. Revise, revise, revise. Try not to worry about things that are out of your control. And, of course, best of luck with everything!

You can be successful with an essay I hate, an essay that looks nothing like any of mine. You are not me. Do whatever represents you best.

Some helpful past blog posts

https://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/applying_sideways

https://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/so-chance-me-maybe

https://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/a-protocol-for-mit-admissions-essays

https://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/how-to-write-a-college-essay

Footnotes (optional)

1 Footnote 1: the one where Phoebe checks her privilege. I am lucky that I grew up in a community where I was able to even cultivate so many interests. I am lucky that people had faith in me, so I was able to thrive without a unifying passion or really needing to be convincing about my mission. I am lucky that the people around me basically trusted me to get into MIT and that deciding to apply was not an uphill battle in and of itself. Sure, this came with its own set of mental health problems , but again, I am speaking from a background of socioeconomic and academic privilege, and I am incredibly grateful for all the opportunities I was given in my young life. Not all of the expectations placed on me have been fair or healthy, but I acknowledge that being born into a high-potential, high-expectation environment is itself a privilege. Okay. Phoebe out.

2 You will suffer during your actual college experience if you have to lie to get in!!!!!!!!!! (But you probably knew that, and if you planned to lie, I doubt this will stop you.)

3 Sorry, I know “write about overcoming obstacles” is another cliché.

4 “Passion, like discriminating taste, grows on its use. You more likely act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action.” So begin by looking at your actions. Then figure out what your feelings are.

5 Man, it sounds like I’m talking about a romantic relationship—is my love for math passionate or companionate?!?! I don’t understand it, but I love it, which causes pain—is it all worth it?!!?!?!

6 I don’t like the way this sounds…I do trust my emotions sometimes, but boy are they ever fickle when it comes to big decisions.

7 Here is a TED talk related to my essay. If you’re in the right mood, maybe a video will inspire you.

8 Soooo…I try to avoid making grand statements, especially in personal essays. But then again, part of my personality is that I pay a lot of attention to nuance—hmmm. Hm hm. I micromanage everything. You can probably tell from my writing—for God’s sake, my blog posts have footnotes. But if you’re unlike me and are a “big picture person”, you can probably get away with generalizations in your essays because that’s how you view the world. So do that.

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How to Write a College Application Essay

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Your essay reveals something important about you that your grades and test scores can't─your personality. It can give admissions officers a sense of who you are and showcase your writing ability. Here are some things that admissions officers look for in a personal essay for college.

1. Open Strong.

Knowing how to start a college essay can create a strong opening paragraph that immediately captures the reader’s interest. You want to make the admissions officer reading your essay curious about what you say next.

2. Show You Can Write.

Colleges want to see that you have a command of the basics of good writing, which is a key component of success in college.

3. Answer the Prompt.

Admissions officers also want to see that the student can give a direct answer while sticking to a comprehensive narrative. When writing college essays, consider the point you want to make and develop a fleshed-out response that fits the prompt. Avoid force-fitting prewritten pieces. Approach every personal essay prompt as if it's your first.

4. Stick to Your Style.

Writing college essays isn't about using flowery or verbose prose. Avoid leaning too heavily on the thesaurus to sound impressive. Choose a natural writing style that’s appropriate for the subject matter.

Also, avoid stressing about trying to write what you think colleges want to see. Learning how to draft a good essay for college is about showcasing who you are. Stay true to your voice. Keep in mind that authenticity is more important than anything else.

5. Proofread.

Correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling are essential. Proofread several times after you've finished. Then ask a teacher, parent, or college English major to give it a quick read as well.

6. Keep Track of Length.

Finally, admissions officers value succinctness. Remember to pay attention to the recommended essay length or word count.

Bonus Tips and College Essay Writing Help

For more on how to write a college essay, check out these Tips for Writing Your College Admissions Essay .

What is the college application essay?

A personal essay for college applications is an opportunity for admission admissions panels to get more insight into who you are and what you have to offer. It's often the most personal component of the application, going beyond grades and standardized test scores. Essays usually have open-ended prompts, allowing you to flex your writing skills and make a personal statement.

Does my college application essay really matter?

Learning how to write a successful essay for college is crucial. This essay's exact weight on your chances of acceptance varies from one school to the next. But it's an element of your application that all admissions teams consider. Your essay could be the thing that gets you off a waiting list or gives you a competitive edge over other applicants.

What are colleges looking for in my application essay?

Knowing what to include in a college essay is half the battle. Admissions teams look for many things, but the most influential are authenticity, writing ability, character details, and positive traits. The purpose of the essay is to shed light on your background and gain perspective on your real-world experiences.

When should I start writing my college essay?

Because you'll want to tailor each application to each school, expect to write multiple personal essays. Advisers typically recommend starting these pieces during the summer before your senior year of high school. This will give you ample time to concentrate on writing a college essay before you're hit with schoolwork.

What can I do to write an effective college essay if I'm not a strong writer?

Good writing skills matter, but the best college essay is about the quality of your response. Authentic stories in a natural voice have impact. The story you want to tell about yourself will work better for you if it’s told in language that’s not overly sophisticated. Work with a writing coach for help with the academic aspects. Make responding with substance a priority.

How can I write my college essay if I have no monumental experiences?

You don't need life-changing moments to impress an admissions panel. Think about your personal experiences. Describe moments that left a lasting impact. The important thing is to have a fleshed-out narrative that provides insight into your life and way of thinking. Some of the best essays revolve around meaningful moments rather than flashy ones.

How should I start brainstorming topics for my college essay?

Most colleges provide open-ended prompts. Using the topic as inspiration, think about critical milestones or essential lessons you learned during your academic career. Tell stories about real-life experiences that have shaped the person you are. Write them down to brainstorm ideas. Choose stories that highlight your best traits.

What is a good list of essay topics to start with? What essay topics should I avoid?

Good topics when writing college essays include personal achievements, meaningful lessons, life-changing challenges, and situations that fostered personal growth. It's best to avoid anything too intimate or controversial. You want to open up, but it's not a good idea to go overboard or alienate members of the admissions panel.

What format should I use for my college essay?

Read the prompt and essay instructions thoroughly to learn how to start off a college essay. Some colleges provide guidance about formatting. If not, the best course of action is to stick with a college standard like the MLA format.

How long should my essay be?

The average length of a personal essay for college is 400─600 words. Always read the prompt. Follow the instructions provided in the application.

Who should I ask to review my college essay?

Turn to your school counselor for review. They understand what college admissions panels are looking for, and they can provide valuable insight into your piece's quality. You can also reach out to English teachers and other educators for proofreading.

Calculate for all schools

Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, advice on writing the fit essay.

I'm working on my application to the Fashion Institute of Technology, and I'm a bit stuck on the essay part. Can anyone offer tips or suggestions on how to write a strong essay for FIT? I'm feeling a little bit stressed about it. Thanks!

Hey there! I understand how stressful writing college application essays can be. For your FIT essay, make sure to focus on your passion for fashion and how studying at FIT will help you achieve your goals. Begin by brainstorming experiences or moments that inspired your interest in fashion, whether it's a favorite designer, a personal project, or a challenge you faced. Really delve into your specific experience and show the reader how it encapsulates your love for fashion. Be descriptive and detailed, telling a complete story.

Next, consider how FIT's programs, extracurricular activities, and resources align with your career aspirations and personal growth goals. Be specific about how you plan to make the most of these opportunities to show how seriously you're taking your commitment to fashion and FIT. Go beyond basics like FIT's location in NYC and pick 3-5 unique classes, clubs, professors, programs, and internship programs and explain not only what the resource is, but how you will engage with it.

Lastly, don't forget to proofread and seek feedback from others like friends, family, or even teachers to polish your essay. Remember, authentic and personal essays that demonstrate your passion, drive, and understanding of FIT's offerings will make a strong impression on the admissions team. Best of luck with your essay and application!

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

5 Pitfalls To Avoid If You Want To Get Into The Ivy League

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Harvard College Office of Undergraduate Admissions

Earning a coveted spot at the nation’s most elite colleges and universities requires diligent planning, strategic thinking, and early preparation. While it is important to understand what you should seek to do in order to build your admissions profile, it is equally important to know what not to do. Understanding common pitfalls will help students to take advantage of their high school experience and avoid mistakes that many Ivy League hopefuls commonly make.

In order to maximize your chances of admission to your dream school, avoid these common errors:

1. Being a Generalist

Many students mistakenly spread themselves too thin by seeking to be a jack-of-all-trades. While freshman and sophomore years offer the opportunity to explore a variety of interests, students should use that time to discover their core passions, and then work to hone their involvements by junior year. Admissions officers at Ivy League schools value depth of involvement and demonstrated leadership in activities that students genuinely care for over mere participation in a multitude of clubs or organizations. Instead of trying to do everything, commit to making a meaningful impact in a few extracurriculars that you are truly passionate about.

2. Participating in Pay-to-Play Pre-College Programs

While academic summer programs can provide valuable opportunities to deepen your engagement with your area of interest and offer a glimpse into campus life, participating in pay-to-play or non-merit based programs solely for the purpose of padding your resume can harm your application. Admissions officers can see through superficial attempts to enhance your activities list. If you want to demonstrate the caliber of your academic skills to colleges, attending a merit-based program is an ideal way to enrich your intellectual abilities and exhibit your ability to rise to the demands of collegiate-level academics. Prestigious, merit-based programs with rigorous academics are offered in a variety of different fields; they typically offer scholarships or are tuition-free, and allow students the opportunity to interact with faculty and researchers in their area of study.

3. Choosing Not to Submit Test Scores

Many Ivy League and other top schools upheld their test-optional policies this past cycle, and many students chose not to submit their standardized test scores. While some schools including Brown and Dartmouth have already reinstated their standardized testing requirements for this upcoming year, some, like Harvard , will remain optional for years to come. While test-optional policies provide flexibility for students who may not perform well on standardized tests, submitting strong test scores can still bolster your application. Students often misjudge whether a score will be deemed too low by a college. In their statement announcing the reinstatement of their standardized testing requirement, Dartmouth notes that students’ perception of what admissions officers look for in scores is strongly misunderstood. The press release states: “The absence of such scores underscores longstanding misperceptions about what represents a "high" or a "low" score; those definitions are not binary. A score that falls below our class mean but several hundred points above the mean at the student’s school is "high" and, as such, it has value as one factor among many in our holistic assessment.” Unless you have significant extenuating circumstances or a compelling reason not to submit test scores, it's generally advisable to include them as part of your application.

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Best 5% interest savings accounts of 2024, 4. choosing activities based on what you think admissions officers want to see.

The key to a strong application is authenticity. Admissions officers are looking for genuine and passionate individuals who will make meaningful contributions to the university community. Instead of trying to tailor your activities to fit your perceived mold of what Ivy League admissions officers want, pursue activities that align with your interests, values, and aspirations. Demonstrating genuine passion, initiative, and leadership in your extracurricular pursuits will make a far greater impact on your application than simply checking off boxes.

5. Applying to All Eight Ivies

While it may seem tempting to cast a wide net and apply to all eight Ivy League schools in the hopes of increasing your chances of acceptance, doing so demonstrates a shallow understanding of the schools and what sets them apart from each other. Each Ivy League school has its own distinct culture, values, and admissions criteria. Though admissions officers won’t necessarily know that you have done so, applying indiscriminately to all eight Ivies without considering fit or alignment with your interests and goals can signal a lack of genuine interest. Not only will your applicant profile fail to align with all eight of the institution’s values and offerings, but this may ultimately lead to you enrolling in a school that is a poor fit for you. Instead of applying to all eight, focus on honing applications to a select number of Ivy League schools that best align with your academic, personal, and professional aspirations.

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Colleges Are Putting Their Futures at Risk

A photo illustration of a person in graduation regalia, as well as a collared shirt and a tie. Their face is obscured by a bright blue megaphone they are holding in front of them. They are in front of a bright red background.

By Pamela Paul

Opinion Columnist

For over a century, an understanding existed between American universities and the rest of the country.

Universities educated the nation’s future citizens in whatever ways they saw fit. Their faculty determined what kind of research to carry out and how, with the understanding that innovation drives economic progress. This gave them an essential role and stake in both a pluralistic democracy and a capitalist economy — without being subject to the whims of politics or industry.

The government helped finance universities with tax breaks and research funding. The public paid taxes and often exorbitant tuition fees. And universities enjoyed what has come to be known as academic freedom, the ability for those in higher education to operate free from external pressure.

“Academic freedom allows us to choose which areas of knowledge we seek and pursue them,” said Anna Grzymala-Busse, a professor of international studies at Stanford. “Politically, what society expects of us is to train citizens and provide economic mobility, and that has been the bedrock of political and economic support for universities. But if universities are not fulfilling these missions, and are seen as prioritizing other missions instead, that political bargain becomes very fragile.”

Her remarks came during a recent conference on civil discourse at Stanford, ranging from free expression on campus to diversity, equity and inclusion hiring statements, which I wrote about last week. But underlying all the discussions was a real fear that universities had strayed from their essential duties, imperiling the kind of academic freedom they had enjoyed for decades.

Of course, there have long been attempts at political interference in academia, with a distrust of elitism smoldering beneath the widespread disdain for the ivory tower. But in the past few years, these sentiments have boiled over into action, with universities jolted by everything from activism by its trustees to congressional investigations to the wresting of control by the state to the threatened withdrawal of government support.

The number of Republicans expressing a great deal or quite a lot of confidence in universities plummeted to 19 percent last year, from 56 percent in 2015, according to Gallup polls, apparently due largely to a belief that universities were too liberal and were pushing a political agenda, a 2017 poll found . But it could get much worse.

“A Trump presidency with a Republican legislative majority could remake higher education as we’ve known it,” Steven Brint, a professor of sociology and public policy at the University of California, Riverside, warned last week in The Chronicle of Higher Education, citing the potential for the Department of Justice to investigate universities for admissions procedures, for example, or penalties for schools that the government determines are overly beholden to social-justice priorities. In some states, it could mean decreased funding from the state, the elimination of ethnic studies or even the requirement of patriotism oaths.

That would bump up against what many students, faculty and administrators view as the point of a college education.

“I was reading applications for my graduate program,” said Jennifer Burns , a history professor at Stanford. “The person would describe their political activism and then say, ‘And now I will continue that work through my Ph.D.’ They see academia as a natural progression.” But, she cautioned, the social justice mentality isn’t conducive to the university’s work.

“We have to keep stressing to students that there’s something to being open-ended in our work — we don’t always know where we want to go,” Burns said.

Right now, the university’s message is often the opposite. Well before the tumultuous summer of 2020, a focus on social justice permeated campuses in everything from residential housing to college reading lists.

“All of this activity would be fine — indeed, it would be fantastic — if it built in multiple perspectives,” noted Jonathan Zimmerman, author of “ Whose America: Culture Wars in the Public Schools ,” in a 2019 essay in The Chronicle of Higher Education. “For the most part, though, it doesn’t.”

Instead, many universities have aligned themselves politically with their most activist students. “Top universities depend on billions of dollars of public funding, in the form of research grants and loan assistance,” The Economist editorialized last week. “The steady leftward drift of their administrations has imperiled this.”

One of the starkest examples of this politicization is the raft of position statements coming from university leadership. These public statements, and the fiery battles and protests behind them, take sides on what are broadly considered to be the nation’s most sensitive and polarized subjects, whether it’s the Dobbs ruling or DACA for young immigrants, the Israel-Hamas war or Black Lives Matter.

At last month’s conference, Diego Zambrano , a professor at Stanford Law School, made the downsides of such statements clear. What, he asked, are the benefits of a university taking a position? If it’s to make the students feel good, he said, those feelings are fleeting, and perhaps not even the university’s job. If it’s to change the outcome of political events, even the most self-regarding institutions don’t imagine they will have any impact on a war halfway across the planet. The benefits, he argued, were nonexistent.

As for the cons, Zambrano continued, issuing statements tends to fuel the most intemperate speech while chilling moderate and dissenting voices. In a world constantly riled up over politics, the task of formally opining on issues would be endless. Moreover, such statements force a university to simplify complex issues. They ask university administrators, who are not hired for their moral compasses, to address in a single email thorny subjects that scholars at their own institutions spend years studying. (Some university presidents, such as Michael Schill of Northwestern, have rightly balked .) Inevitably, staking any position weakens the public’s perception of the university as independent.

The temptation for universities to take a moral stand, especially in response to overheated campus sentiment, is understandable. But it’s a trap. When universities make it their mission to do the “right” thing politically, they’re effectively telling large parts of their communities — and the polarized country they’re in partnership with — they’re wrong.

When universities become overtly political, and tilt too far toward one end of the spectrum, they’re denying students and faculty the kind of open-ended inquiry and knowledge-seeking that has long been the basis of American higher education’s success. They’re putting its future at risk.

Photographs by Ljupco and Sean Gladwell/Getty Images.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

Follow the New York Times Opinion section on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok , WhatsApp , X and Threads .

Pamela Paul is an Opinion columnist at The Times, writing about culture, politics, ideas and the way we live now.

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But high school was a succession of events where I was consumed by being friends with the right people, dating the right boys, and being included in the right events. Oftentimes, it seemed, I wasn ...
Do's and Dont's for College Essays
Don't: Try to Impress. Every single year, multiple students ask me what kind of topic would impress a college admissions office. And, every single year, my answer is the same: what will impress them is whatever story you're most excited to tell. Entering the college essay-writing process by choosing a topic you think will look impressive is ...
14 College Essay Examples From Top-25 Universities (2023-2024
College essay examples from students accepted to Harvard, Stanford, and other elite schools. Responding effectively to college essay prompts is quite different from other essay writing. The combined challenge of addressing a question in an interesting way while staying focused and making yourself stand out, all within a limited number of words ...
College essay don'ts: 37 Things to Avoid In a college essay
Follow this advice to know what not to write about in your college essay! 1. Don't restate the Essay prompt. Start your essay with a hook. Start with dialogue. Start by setting the scene. Don't start by restating the essay topic! The reader knows the essay prompts, so just start telling your story.
What My College Essays Were [Not]
November 12, 2015. in Admissions, Advice, Process & Statistics. During my college application season, the adults around me (in addition to books like 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays, which I would not recommend reading) gave a lot of advice that sounded like this: "Show the admissions committee who you are!", "Be passionate ...
Should You Keep Clothes That Don't Fit Anymore?
And that is definitely not worth it. If you are, as you say, happy with your new body shape, keeping a lot of clothes that don't fit is a bit like digging your own rut. Guy Trebay, our men's ...
How to Write the Best College Application Essay
When writing college essays, consider the point you want to make and develop a fleshed-out response that fits the prompt. Avoid force-fitting prewritten pieces. Approach every personal essay prompt as if it's your first. 4. Stick to Your Style. Writing college essays isn't about using flowery or verbose prose.
What Not to Write About in a College Essay
Since one of the main goals of the essay is to help you stand out, it doesn't really help to do the same thing that countless other people are doing. For example, almost everyone writing about losing the big game ends up writing the same "lessons learned" about humility, teamwork, overcoming disappointment, etc.
Tips for writing my FIT application essay?
Here are some tips and ideas for crafting a strong FIT application essay: 1. Understand the prompt: Carefully read and analyze the essay prompt. Typically, FIT asks you to discuss both why you are interested in FIT as a school and your chosen major. Make sure you address both of these aspects in your response.
Advice on writing the FIT essay
Hey there! I understand how stressful writing college application essays can be. For your FIT essay, make sure to focus on your passion for fashion and how studying at FIT will help you achieve your goals. Begin by brainstorming experiences or moments that inspired your interest in fashion, whether it's a favorite designer, a personal project, or a challenge you faced.
Beyond "Why us?" Crafting essay prompts that matter
Making Caring Common has compiled examples of character-focused essay questions from a range of colleges. It's important to note that this resource was compiled in 2020 and may not reflect current prompts. However, it still offers valuable examples of schools showcasing their values and inviting students to do the same.
What Not to Write About in a College Essay
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5 Pitfalls To Avoid If You Want To Get Into The Ivy League
Understanding common pitfalls will help students to take advantage of their high school experience and avoid mistakes that many Ivy League hopefuls commonly make. In order to maximize your chances ...
Opinion
Colleges Are Putting Their Futures at Risk. For over a century, an understanding existed between American universities and the rest of the country. Universities educated the nation's future ...
High schools give themselves poor marks on college prep
High Schools Say They're Falling Short on College Prep. Only 47 percent of public high schools say they're doing a "very good" or "excellent" job preparing students for college, according to a new survey from the National Center for Education Statistics, a branch of the U.S. Education Department. The data, gathered from over 1,600 ...
Niche $10,000 "No Essay" Scholarship
Help cover the cost of college without writing a single essay! Niche is giving one student $10,000 to help pay for tuition, housing, books and other college expenses — no essay required! Apply below for your chance to win so you can focus on your education, not your finances. The winner will be selected by random drawing by April 15, 2024. Good luck!