conflict resolution and problem solving skills

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13 Conflict Resolution and Problem Solving

Chapter 13 Check-in:

• Identify Conflict Causes and Effects
• Explore Conflict Approaches Solutions
• Basic Problem Solving Strategy PDCA

Like all communication, good conflict management and resolution requires your time: listen, reflect, and consider all elements of a situation and the people involved.  It is not a simple process and there are some steps to help you navigate the process.  In the end, it is about the relationship.

Frequently considered a negative, conflict can actually be an opportunity for growth in relationship or work.  Your attitude towards the situation and person plays a role in any outcome.  Adam Grant, Professor of Psychology at The Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and Saul P. Steinberg Professor of Management, notes that “The absence of conflict is not harmony, it’s apathy.  If you are in a group where people never disagree, the only way that could ever really happen is if the people don’t care enough to speak their minds.” (Grant, February 2021).

However, it is easy to feel at a loss in an immediate conflict situation.  Here are some brief points to consider when faced with more than just a disagreement.

Conflict is emotional: it is much greater than a difference of opinions.  It is usually an expression of not being heard, seen, valued or respected.   It is based on a deeply person need and emotional response, based on perceptions which have identified a threat in any form.  If conflict is ignored, it can fester and result in such entrenched opinions and sides that resolution appears impossible (Segal et al, 2020).

The first step is to determine what the actual problem is as perceived by all parties.  The Conflict Tree analogy is especially useful if you respond well to visuals (O’Connor, 2020).  It is an excellent activity for a group or individual to clarify the effects (branches), core problems (trunk), and even causes of the issue (roots).

Once the actual problem is identified, you can move on to tackling a resolution together.

Approaches to Conflict

There are generally five styles for approaching conflict (Benoliel, 2017) and understanding what they are and what style you lean towards, identifies how you will move through the process.  These categories are determined by whether the focus is on the relationship or the end goal of a task/project.  While these may be more specific to workplace conflicts, they certainly identify personal conflict responses as well.

Collaboration is marked by a balanced focus on the relationship with others and meeting long-term objectives.  A Competition style is marked by individuals who are assertive and probably uncooperative who demonstrate that their priority is the outcome of the project more than the relationships.  Although few people enjoy conflict, the Avoidance style focuses on the the immediate unpleasantness and therefore avoids the issues.  This traditionally marks individuals who are unassertive and uncooperative largely because they assume it is safer to ignore than face an issue.  Sometimes there are individuals who will do anything to please others: this Accommodation approach results in self-sacrifice and is usually the route taken by those who care more about the relationship than the outcome.  Unfortunately, they are frequently taken advantage of in their efforts to please others.  Lastly, there are those who prefer the Compromise strategy. This may seem expedient in the attempt to resolve the problem by aiming for mutually acceptable terms and concessions, it does frequently leaves no one side satisfied even though it allows most to maintain an assertive and cooperative stance.

Strategies for Solutions

Sometimes those involved in conflict turn to an third person for assistance to resolve a conflict.  A mediator can listen to the perspectives of those in the dispute and focuses on helping each side hear the concerns and priorities of the other.  Working with the individuals in conflict, a mediator aims to help them create a solution acceptable to both sides.  Sometimes the third party is an Arbitrator whose role is to hear each side and provide a decision to resolve the dispute.  In some cases the conflict results in the even more formal process of a trial.

There are four key skills you need to approach conflict resolution with or without a third party involved (Segal et al, 2020; Fighting Fair, n.d.).

Conflict can be a very stressful experience and your Stress Management is an essential first step.  When we are stressed, we can’t think clearly, we can’t understand someone else’s thoughts or feelings, and it makes communication very difficult.  Use whatever method works best for you to manage your stress.

Once your stress is managed, it is easier to exert Control over your Emotions.  Recognize the emotions you are experiencing to assist in your processing the experience without having a purely emotional response.

With your stress and emotions recognized and managed, it makes it easier to recognize and pay attention to the feelings you and the other people express  and you can Identify Non-Verbal Communication.   Much is said without words and body language is a good indication of how the other person feels towards the situation.

Respect each other is standard for every communication situation and essential to remember if you are in a position of conflict.  Personal attacks, or drawing on personal knowledge, has no productive part in conflict resolution.

Many resources may explain the benefits of humour, but caution should be used.  Sometimes an emotional situation is not the best time for humour as you can unintentionally be seen to diminish the importance another person places on the experience.

Work together to identify the problem by taking the time to see it from multiple perspectives.  Be clear about the desired results and end goal.  Think about the relationships and long term impacts that any course of action may have on all parties.  It takes commitment to resolve a conflict.

Problem Solving

We covered Reflection and Feedback in Chapter 12 and these are essential steps for effective conflict resolution and problem solving. Even the Trial and Error process of problem solving relies on evaluating the success of an action before moving on to another attempt.

Many different approaches to problem solving exist though the basic core approach can be seen across geographic and language borders.  The PDCA approach – Plan, Do, Check, Act – provides the basic four steps process that can be expanded to suit any profession or experience (Plan, Do, Check, Act, 2021).

Problem solving starts with a clear identification of problem.  Then you need to clarify the desired end result.  The development of a plan can be as short or as long as necessary.  Once you have a plan, you have to implement it: Do.  Check is your opportunity to evaluate the success of your plan and make any amendments necessary.  Finally, Act: put your strategy into practice.  An important point to remember is that the reflection and evaluation should be an ongoing part of the solution you implement.

Chapter 13 Check-out:

• Explore Conflict Approaches and Solutions

Remember your last conflict with another person.  How was it resolved?  How would you like it to have been resolved?  What could you have done to implement that change in result?

How do you usually approach problem solving?  How successful has it been for you? 

What, if anything, would you like to change about how you’ve problem solved in the past?

Resources and References

Benoliel, B. (2017). Five styles of conflict resolution.  Walden University.  [Online]  https://www.waldenu.edu/news-and-events/walden-news/2017/0530-whats-your-conflict-management-style

Fighting Fair to Resolve Conflict. (n.d.).  Counselling and Mental Health Centre. University of Texas at Austin. [Online] https://cmhc.utexas.edu/fightingfair.html

Goleman, D. (April 2012). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence .  Big Think. [Online] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU

Grant, A., (February 2021). The Easiest Person to Fool .  The Hidden Brain. NPR Podcast. [Online] https://hidden-brain.simplecast.com/episodes/the-easiest-person-to-fool-f1hbMrGr

Grant, A., (April 2021). The Science of Productive Conflict . TED Podcast. [Online] https://www.ted.com/podcasts/worklife/the-science-of-productive-conflict-transcript

O’Connor, T., (October 2020). 3 Simple Conflict Analysis Tools That Anyone Can Use. [Online] https://medium.com/p/c30689757a0d

Plan Do Check Act: A Simple Problem Solving Methodology. (2021).  Educational-Business-Articles.com [Online] https://www.educational-business-articles.com/plan-do-check-act/

Segal, J., Robinson, L., and Smith, M. (2020). Conflict Resolution Skills. Helpguide.org. [Online] https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm

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What is conflict?

Causes of conflict in a relationship, how do you respond to conflict, conflict resolution, stress, and emotions, core skill 1: quick stress relief, core skill 2: emotional awareness, nonverbal communication and conflict resolution, more tips for managing and resolving conflict, conflict resolution skills.

Whatever the cause of disagreements and disputes at home or work, these skills can help you resolve conflict in a constructive way and keep your relationships strong and growing.

Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. The key is not to fear or try to avoid conflict but to learn how to resolve it in a healthy way.

When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. Whether you’re experiencing conflict at home, work, or school, learning these skills can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships.

Conflict 101

• A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real).
• Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them.
• We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions of the situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs.
• Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully.
• Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements.

Conflict arises from differences, both large and small. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences appear trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the core of the problem. These needs can range from the need to feel safe and secure or respected and valued, to the need for greater closeness and intimacy.

Think about the opposing needs of a toddler and a parent. The child’s need is to explore, so venturing to the street or the cliff edge meets that need. But the parent’s need is to protect the child’s safety, a need that can only be met by limiting the toddler’s exploration. Since these needs are at odds, conflict arises.

The needs of each party play an important role in the long-term success of a relationship. Each deserves respect and consideration. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance, arguments, and break-ups. In the workplace, differing needs can result in broken deals, decreased profits, and lost jobs.

[Read: Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship]

When you can recognize conflicting needs and are willing to examine them with compassion and understanding, it can lead to creative problem solving, team building, and stronger relationships.

Speak to a Licensed Therapist

BetterHelp is an online therapy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours.

Do you fear conflict or avoid it at all costs? If your perception of conflict comes from painful memories from early childhood or previous unhealthy relationships, you may expect all disagreements to end badly. You may view conflict as demoralizing, humiliating, or something to fear. If your early life experiences left you feeling powerless or out of control, conflict may even be traumatizing for you.

If you’re afraid of conflict, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you enter a conflict situation already feeling threatened, it’s tough to deal with the problem at hand in a healthy way. Instead, you’re more likely to either shut down or blow up in anger.

Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict

Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases your understanding of the other person, builds trust, and strengthens your relationships.

If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay attention to a limited number of emotions, you won’t be able to understand your own needs. This will make it hard to communicate with others and establish what’s really troubling you. For example, couples often argue about petty differences—the way she hangs the towels, the way he slurps his soup—rather than what is  really bothering them.

The ability to successfully resolve conflict depends on your ability to:

• Manage stress quickly while remaining alert and calm. By staying calm, you can accurately read and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication.
• Control your emotions and behavior. When you’re in control of your emotions, you can communicate your needs without threatening, intimidating, or punishing others.
• Pay attention to the  feelings being expressed as well as the spoken words of others.
• Be aware of and respect differences. By avoiding disrespectful words and actions, you can almost always resolve a problem faster.

To successfully resolve a conflict, you need to learn and practice two core skills:

• Quick stress relief: the ability to quickly relieve stress in the moment.
• Emotional awareness: the ability to remain comfortable enough with your emotions to react in constructive ways, even in the midst of a perceived attack.

Being able to manage and relieve stress in the moment is the key to staying balanced, focused, and in control, no matter what challenges you face. If you don’t know how to stay centered and in control of yourself, you will become overwhelmed in conflict situations and unable to respond in healthy ways.

Psychologist Connie Lillas uses a driving analogy to describe the three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress:

Foot on the gas. An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.

Foot on the brake. A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.

Foot on both gas and brake. A tense and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.

How stress affects conflict resolution

Stress interferes with the ability to resolve conflict by limiting your ability to:

• Accurately read another person’s body language .
• Hear what someone is really saying.
• Be aware of your own feelings.
• Be in touch with your own, deep-rooted needs.
• Communicate your needs clearly.

Is stress a problem for you?

You may be so used to feeling stressed that you’re not even aware you  are stressed. Stress may pose a problem in your life if you identify with the following:

• You often feel tense or tight somewhere in your body.
• You’re not aware of movement in your chest or stomach when you breathe.
• Conflict absorbs your time and attention.

Learn how to manage stress in the moment

One of the most reliable ways to rapidly reduce stress is by engaging one or more of your senses—sight, sound, taste, smell, touch—or through movement. You could squeeze a stress ball, smell a relaxing scent, taste a soothing cup of tea, or look at a treasured photograph. We all tend to respond differently to sensory input, often depending on how we respond to stress, so take some time to find things that are soothing to you. Read: Quick Stress Relief .

Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others. If you don’t know how or why you feel a certain way, you won’t be able to communicate effectively or resolve disagreements.

[Read: Improving Emotional Intelligence]

Although knowing your own feelings may sound simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. Your ability to handle conflict, however, depends on being connected to these feelings. If you’re afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on finding solutions that are strictly rational, your ability to face and resolve differences will be limited.

Why emotional awareness is a key factor in resolving conflict

Emotional awareness—the consciousness of your  moment-to-moment emotional experience—and the ability to manage all of your feelings appropriately, is the basis of a communication process that can resolve conflict.

Emotional awareness helps you to:

• Understand what is really troubling other people
• Understand yourself, including what is really troubling you
• Stay motivated until the conflict is resolved
• Communicate clearly and effectively
• Interest and influence others

Assessing your level of emotional awareness

The following quiz helps you assess your level of emotional awareness. Answer the following questions with:  almost never, occasionally, often, very often, or  almost always . There are no right or wrong responses, only the opportunity to become better acquainted with your emotional responses.

What kind of relationship do you have with your emotions?

• Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment?
• Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach or chest?
• Do you experience distinct feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy, which are evident in different facial expressions?
• Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your own attention and that of others?
• Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision-making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be “turned” down or even off. In either case, you may need help developing your emotional awareness. You can do this by using Helpguide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit.

When people are in the middle of a conflict, the words they use rarely convey the issues at the heart of the problem. But by paying close attention to the other person’s nonverbal signals or “body language,” such as facial expressions, posture, gestures, and tone of voice, you can better understand what the person is really saying. This will allow you to respond in a way that builds trust, and gets to the root of the problem.

[Read: Nonverbal Communication and Body Language]

Your ability to accurately read another person depends on your own emotional awareness. The more aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to pick up on the wordless clues that reveal what others are feeling. Think about what you are transmitting to others during conflict, and if what you say matches your body language. If you say “I’m fine,” but you clench your teeth and look away, then your body is clearly signaling you are anything but “fine.” A calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or an interested facial expression can go a long way toward relaxing a tense exchange.

You can ensure that the process of managing and resolving conflict is as positive as possible by sticking to the following guidelines:

Listen for what is felt as well as said. When you really listen, you connect more deeply to your own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening also strengthens, informs, and makes it easier for others to hear you when it’s your turn to speak.

Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or “being right.” Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and their viewpoint.

Focus on the present. If you’re holding on to grudges based on past conflicts, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem.

Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worth your time and energy. Maybe you don’t want to surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes, but if there are dozens of empty spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it.

Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive others. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can serve only to deplete and drain your life.

Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.

Using humor in conflict resolution

You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communicating in a humorous way . Humor can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without offending someone. However, it’s important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.

More Information

• CR Kit - Covers causes of conflict, different conflict styles, and fair fighting guidelines to help you positively resolve disagreements. (Conflict Resolution Network)
• 12 Skills Summary - A 12-step conflict resolution training kit. (Conflict Resolution Network)
• Effective Communication - The art of listening in conflict resolution. (University of Maryland)
• 10.3 Causes and Outcomes of Conflict – Organizational Behavior . (n.d.). Retrieved May 25, 2022, from Link
• Başoğul, C., & Özgür, G. (2016). Role of Emotional Intelligence in Conflict Management Strategies of Nurses. Asian Nursing Research , 10(3), 228–233. Link
• Corcoran, Kathleen O’Connell, and Brent Mallinckrodt. “Adult Attachment, Self-Efficacy, Perspective Taking, and Conflict Resolution.” Journal of Counseling & Development 78, no. 4 (2000): 473–83. Link
• Yarnell, Lisa M., and Kristin D. Neff. “Self-Compassion, Interpersonal Conflict Resolutions, and Well-Being.” Self and Identity 12, no. 2 (March 1, 2013): 146–59. Link
• Tucker, Corinna Jenkins, Susan M. Mchale, and Ann C. Crouter. “Conflict Resolution: Links with Adolescents’ Family Relationships and Individual Well-Being.” Journal of Family Issues 24, no. 6 (September 1, 2003): 715–36. Link

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Full Guide to Conflict Resolution (Skills, Examples & Process)

Conflict is an unavoidable (and sometimes healthy) part of life. Reasonable amounts of conflict can help us learn and consider things from others’ points of view. 

In the workplace, however, conflict can disrupt your routine, cause stress, and create an overall toxic work environment. 

As such, conflict resolution skills are an invaluable asset no matter what your profession is. 

After all, every employer wants someone who knows their way around conflict and can facilitate a friendly and collaborative work environment. 

This begs the question - what kind of conflict resolution skills do recruiters want to see and how can you make them stand out on your resume? 

This is exactly what this article is here for! We’ve put together everything you need to know about conflict resolution, including: 

Why Do Conflict Resolution Skills Matter?

10 conflict resolution skills and examples, 8 steps for resolving conflict successfully, how to add your conflict resolution skills to your resume.

Let’s dive in!

What Is Conflict Resolution?

• Conflict resolution is the process, methods, and set of skills necessary to effectively resolve conflicts between two or more individuals. 

The ability to resolve conflict is beneficial in all areas of life, but especially so at work. That's because, whether you work in an office, remotely, or on the field, you’re bound to face work-related conflict to some extent. 

About 85% of employees experience some kind of conflict in the workplace. And, according to a CIPD report, conflict typically happens for one of the following reasons: 

• Differences in personality or working styles
• Individual competence or performance
• Level of support or resources

Knowing how to overcome any such conflicts can be a huge asset both during your job hunt and in your career. Just to give you an idea, conflict management was the most in-demand soft skill among businesses hiring in 2019. 

But what is it exactly that makes conflict resolution skills so sought after? 

No matter the scale of the conflict or your level of involvement, possessing the skills to resolve it can come with a heap of benefits. 

Here are some of the most noteworthy ones: 

• Improved productivity. A well-functioning, friendly work environment allows employees to cooperate with each other and work more productively. Conflict in the workplace, on the other hand, leads to stress, anxiety, and a drop in motivation and productivity, according to the CIPD.
• Better work environment. Conflict resolution skills can significantly reduce miscommunications and disagreements among coworkers, and thus make the workplace a much nicer and more pleasant environment to work in.
• Professional growth. Conflict resolution skills are among the most popular transferable skills out there, which means they come in handy for many jobs across several industries. As such, having strong conflict resolution skills can help give your career a significant boost.
• Good customer relationships. In customer-facing roles , conflict can often occur between employees and customers. In such cases, conflict resolution skills can really save the day.
• Saved company time and money. US employees spend around 2.8 hours each week involved in a conflict. This amounts to around $359 billion in hours paid, according to CPP, Inc. In a workplace with minimal conflict, though, employees can use that time to work, in turn saving the company time and money.

Now that we covered the basics, let us break down the most impactful conflict resolution skills that could give your resume and career a serious boost, starting with:

#1.  Communication

Communication is among the most important conflict resolution skills out there. 

It involves being able to listen attentively to what other people have to say, as well as expressing your own thoughts and opinions clearly. Many times, a good communicator is also someone who will catch on to non-verbal cues or who is able to persuade people to try and resolve a conflict. 

In a nutshell, communication skills can make or break the conflict resolution process. 

For example, think about how important communication skills are to an HR manager trying to resolve a conflict between two coworkers. They need to be able to persuade both sides to sit down and talk, listen attentively to understand the conflict, express their thoughts in an open and non-judgemental manner, and facilitate a discussion between the two parties. 

Communication is a multi-faceted skill that consists of the following: 

• Oral and written communication
• Non-verbal communication
• Active Listening
• Presentation
• Public speaking
• Negotiation

#2. Emotional Intelligence 

Emotional intelligence is being aware of, controlling, and expressing one’s emotions, as well as handling interpersonal relations justly and empathetically. 

When it comes to resolving conflict, emotional intelligence goes a long way in putting yourself in the other person’s shoes or understanding each side’s perspective. 

Let’s say, for example, that you got into a conflict with a coworker because they didn’t manage to meet a deadline, thus bottlenecking the entire team’s workflow. 

If you’re a highly emotionally intelligent person, you will be able to put yourself in your coworker’s shoes—maybe they had a very good reason for not meeting the deadline. The task could’ve been harder than initially estimated, there might have been some unexpected issues, or maybe the coworker had some personal problems that got in the way.

Viewing the problem from the other person’s shoes will allow you to focus on finding a solution to the problem at hand instead of just blaming them. By adopting such a neutral approach, you’re a lot more likely to avoid conflict at work, establish good relations with your coworkers, and get things done better and faster. 

Some skills associated with emotional intelligence include: 

• Interpersonal skills

#3. Leadership

People in leadership positions are often required to resolve conflict. After all, leadership involves being able to manage and inspire others, which in itself means ensuring that your team members are getting along and collaborating effectively. 

That said, leadership skills are not only for dedicated leadership roles. 

For example, you may be working in a team and still be able to manage and inspire your teammates in such a way they see you as a “team leader.” In such cases, you will also be able to resolve conflict more effectively than others, as leaders are typically emotionally intelligent, great communicators, and natural-born influencers. 

Here are some other soft skills related to leadership:

• Relationship-building
• Strategic thinking

#4. Teamwork

Teamwork involves working well with other individuals, addressing problems collectively, and putting the group’s needs ahead of personal goals. 

As such, you can probably imagine why teamwork skills are important when it comes to conflict resolution. If you don’t think as a team member, you won’t be able to collaborate with others and put your differences aside to reach a common goal. 

Similarly, if you’re personally involved in the conflict, having teamwork skills is what can differentiate whether you’ll be able to sit down and resolve the conflict or act selfishly and escalate it. 

Teamwork comes in especially handy in arbitrary conflicts, where it doesn’t matter who “wins” but how fast and effectively the issue can be resolved. 

Some teamwork-related soft skills are:

• Collaboration

#5. Patience

Patience is the ability to tolerate waiting, delay, frustration, or any other negative emotion or circumstance, without getting agitated or upset. It goes without saying that if you want to resolve a conflict successfully, you’ve got to be patient. 

This applies both to whether you’re a third party trying to resolve a conflict or if you’re part of the conflict itself. 

In the first case, you’ve got to have patience during the entire mediation process, considering that things may get heated or that the parties in conflict may need to take some time to reach an understanding and overcome the conflict. 

In the second case, you’ve got to be patient enough to hear the other party, sit through the conflict resolution process, accept opinions and advice you may not necessarily agree with, and even go through a reconciliation process, depending on the severity of the conflict. 

#6. Compromise

A compromise is an agreement or a settlement of a dispute in a way that both sides make concessions. It's almost impossible to settle a conflict without making at least some sort of concession, which makes the ability to compromise vital if you want to find a solution.

Compromise involves both coming up with such settlements and being able to accept them if you’ve been involved in the conflict yourself. 

Take, for example, two classmates who need to work together on a project but can’t agree on the topic, because each of them wants something different. The teacher may decide to assign the topic themself so they won’t have to disagree over it - in this case, each student will compromise their own choice to avoid conflict. 

Alternatively, the teacher may suggest they simply team up with other people and keep the topics they liked in the first place. This is also a compromise that can de-escalate the conflict between the two students. 

#7. Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the middle ground between aggressiveness and apathy. Meaning, someone who is assertive is someone who stands up for what’s right in a positive way, instead of getting angry or being passive in the face of injustice. 

In a conflict, assertiveness means that you can communicate with others without upsetting them or yourself. This is exactly what makes it one of the most important conflict resolution skills. 

To give you an example of assertiveness as a conflict resolution skill, think of a supervisor who decides to facilitate a meeting between two employees who have argued and are not on speaking terms.

Some other examples of assertive behavior include: 

• Being able to admit mistakes and apologize
• Not feeling entitled or superior to others
• Expressing appreciation toward others

#8. Problem-Solving 

Problem-solving is the ability to identify problems, find what’s causing them, and come up with a good solution. 

Problem-solving and conflict resolution go hand in hand. A problem solver is someone who, instead of wasting time being angry or irritated when faced with conflict, will focus on understanding the problem and solving it in a way that benefits everyone involved.

For example, if you’re a team leader whose team is facing a productivity issue, you may need to redefine the roles of two team members who don’t like each other to avoid conflict between the two. 

Some skills associated with problem-solving skills include: 

• Analytical skills
• Research skills
• Critical thinking
• Decision-making

#9. Creativity

Oftentimes, you have to think outside the box to resolve a conflict. 

This is exactly where creativity comes in. In a nutshell, creativity is the ability to view situations and approach tasks and challenges inventively. 

Creative skills may be what makes the difference between an OK and a great solution to a conflict.

A restaurant server who’s facing a conflict with a customer, for example, may find more creative ways to solve the disagreement than simply calling the manager, such as offering them a complimentary drink or getting the entire table dessert at the end of their meal. 

As with most soft skills, creativity is made up of different skills, such as: 

• Imagination
• Open-mindedness
• Experimentation

#10. Management

Management is being able to manage people (including yourself), situations, resources, and even processes. And, of course, to be able to master conflict resolution, you need to be able to do all of these things. 

Although management skills are typically associated with management positions, that’s not actually the case. Any professional can benefit from strong management skills, especially when it comes to successfully resolving workplace conflict. 

For example, if the HR manager at your company is mediating a conflict between you and a coworker, the stronger your management skills, the better you’ll be able to handle yourself and the process. Similarly, if you’re the one mediating a conflict, you’ll need strong management skills to manage those involved, their reactions, and the resources at your disposal to solve it. 

Some management skills include: 

• People management
• Project management
• Time management
• Risk management

5 Healthy and Unhealthy Ways of Responding to Conflict

Several things can factor into the way we respond to conflict, including our upbringing, our core values, and our previous experiences. 

Take, for example, two adults. The first grew up in an inclusive, open environment, while the second grew up in an eruptive and violent environment. As you can imagine, the person in the first example is much more likely to respond to conflict in a healthy way than the person in the second. 

The same applies to people with, say, different values; a person who believes in cooperation and understanding will most probably seek to resolve conflict, whereas someone who’s more on the selfish side might cling to it longer. 

But what exactly consists of healthy and unhealthy ways of responding to conflict? Let us give you some examples:  

• Lack of empathy or inability to recognize the other person’s feelings and respond to the thighs that matter to them. 
• Anger , resentment, or explosive reactions.
• Apathy or withdrawing love, which leads to rejection, isolation, and shaming. 
• Inability to compromise and see the other person’s perspective. 
• Fear or avoidance due to associating conflict with a bad experience or expecting a bad outcome. 
• Empathy and understanding of the other person’s viewpoint. 
• Calm , inclusive, and non-defensive reactions and words. 
• A “forgive-and-forget” attitude and the readiness to move past a conflict without holding any grudges. 
• Seeking compromise and not acting out of spite or with intent to punish. 
• Desire to face conflict as soon as possible so that both sides can move on. 

The more you practice conflict resolution, the better you can get at it. That said, there are some do’s and don’ts you can learn about conflict resolution that’ll help you get better at this skill.

Below, we’ll cover the 8 steps you can take in order to resolve any conflict:

#1. Keep your calm

Before you engage in a conflict resolution process, you’ve got to make sure you’re calm and clear-headed. 

After all, the people involved in the conflict likely already feel angry, impatient, or judgemental toward each other, while your job as a mediator is to eliminate negativity as much as possible. 

This, however, may be hard to do if you yourself are not calm. The conflict resolution process may be even harder if you’ve been involved in the conflict yourself and want to solve it, but you’re not able to keep your calm.

As such, you can try taking several deep breaths before beginning the conflict resolution process, relaxing your body and dropping your shoulders, or doing whatever works best for calming you down. 

#2. Set a time and place for discussion

Conflict resolution can be a strenuous and time-consuming process for those involved, and can also get very distracting for those who aren’t involved but may happen to witness it. 

So, it’s important to find an appropriate time and place for the conflict resolution process to take place. Here are some things to keep in mind: 

• Conflict resolution takes time. For this reason, you should make sure that everyone involved has enough time and won’t have to leave for another appointment halfway through the process. 
• The environment matters. For starters, the place should be private from the eyes of outsiders. Additionally, you should make sure that all participants feel comfortable in the agreed-upon location by choosing a neutral place. That way, you don’t run the risk of one side feeling superior or vulnerable. 
• Conflict resolution can get tiring. Consider having water or snacks available to ease up the process. 

#3. Define the conflict or issue 

The first step to finding a solution to a problem is accepting there is a problem in the first place. 

Only once all the parties have accepted this, can the conflict resolution process begin. 

The first step here is to clearly define the issue at hand and not let it escalate into unrelated conflicts. After all, it’s not uncommon for conflict to escalate to a point where no one knows what they’re even fighting about anymore. 

Some things you can do to define the conflict successfully are:

• Begin the process by sharing your own take on what’s causing the conflict 
• Ask all the people involved to share their own experience 
• Try to keep the discussion to one main point at a time 
• Take every perspective into consideration
• Consider how each person is contributing to the problem
• List any past, unsuccessful attempts to resolve the issue (if it’s a persisting issue) 

If you’re personally involved in the conflict, try to use “I” statements as much as possible (e.g. “I feel like my efforts always go unnoticed” versus “you always ignore my hard work.” That way, you’re more likely to create a space where everyone can voice their opinions.

#4. Note down possible conflict triggers

Sometimes, it’s external factors that trigger people into conflict. 

Such factors typically include:

• Personal issues

Openly discussing what may have triggered other parties into conflict can increase the empathy of all those involved, as well as make it easier to anticipate and avoid similar conflicts in the future. 

#5. Brainstorm and list possible solutions

Pick everyone’s brain on how you can go about solving the conflict. 

One of the most common issues of conflict resolution is pushing one solution and not keeping an open mind to alternative options. Brainstorming different ideas and possibilities, on the other hand, can help all parties reach a compromise or an agreement that’s beneficial to everyone involved. 

Once you’ve brainstormed and discussed different solutions to the conflict, note down the best ones or the most achievable ones. 

#6. Agree on a single plan

In many cases, the “solution” to a conflict may be to simply acknowledge both sides were wrong, agree to disagree, apologize, or move on. 

In other cases, though, you may actually need to come up with and agree on an action plan to make sure the conflict never repeats again. For example, if two team members feel like the project leader doesn’t take their ideas into consideration, the plan may be to have weekly meetings where every member is given five minutes to express their insights and thoughts. 

In such cases, before ending the conflict resolution process, make sure to clearly define the necessary actions and steps for every person involved. 

#7. Check-in to discuss progress

Following through is an essential part of conflict resolution. 

After all, even if the conflict resolution meeting goes well, there is still a chance that people won't follow through with the plan or repeat the same patterns after a while.

As such, make sure to agree on a time in the future (not too soon after the initial meeting) to check in with everyone, see how they’re feeling, and ensure there is actual progress.  

#8. Involve a third party 

Now, despite all the best intentions, there is still a chance that the conflict resolution process won’t work (or that it may require many more meetings and mediation, depending on the scale and severity of the issue). 

If that happens, the best course of action is to involve a third party to help out. In most cases, the team lead or HR manager is the right person for this.

Anyone can claim they have conflict resolution skills. It’s being able to prove them in your resume that will help you stand out from the competition. 

Below, we’ll cover the entire process of adding your conflict resolution skills to your resume effectively, step-by-step.

Before you read further, though, pick one of our resume templates and fill it in as you go!

#1. List Them Under Your Skills Section

The most obvious place to list your conflict resolution skills is under your skills section. 

Although this part is fairly straightforward, there are some things you want to keep in mind. 

For starters, you shouldn’t just mention every conflict resolution skill we covered in this article and call it a day. Instead, you want to make sure that you add conflict resolution skills that are relevant to the position you’re applying for. 

Here is just how you can do that: 

• Check the job description. In 99% of cases, the job description can show you exactly which skills are needed for the position. If you’re applying for a teaching position, for example, the job description may not directly mention “conflict resolution” as a skill, but a bunch of other skills related to it, such as excellent communication and interpersonal skills, creativity, and leadership. 
• Identify the skills you possess. Now think about the skills that you can back up with your previous work experience. Only list conflict resolution skills that you possess and that you can prove you possess on your resume. 
• Add them under your soft skills. Then, add those skills under your resume’s soft skills section. 

Here’s an example of how conflict resolution skills look on a resume’s skills section:

#2. Mention Them In Your Resume Summary

Secondly, you should mention your conflict resolution skills in your resume summary . 

In a nutshell, the resume summary is a short paragraph that usually mentions:

• Your professional title and years of experience
• Your top skills (up to three)
• Your most noteworthy achievements 

Done right, your resume summary should convey you’re a great candidate from the get-go and get the hiring manager to go through the rest of your resume in more detail. 

Here’s an example of a resume summary that highlights the applicant’s conflict resolution skills: 

A dedicated customer support representative with over five years of experience helping customers and solving their problems. Excellent communication and conflict resolution skills, with over 95% customer approval rating to prove it. Looking to leverage my skills to help Company X provide quality customer service. 

#3. Back Them Up With Your Work Experience 

Last but not least, you should use your work experience section to back up all the conflict resolution skills you’ve mentioned with facts. 

This is exactly what makes this section the most important part of your resume. 

Done right, it will prove to the hiring manager that you’re exactly who they’re looking for.

Here’s just how you can do that:

• Focus on your achievements instead of your responsibilities. Instead of mentioning things the hiring manager already knows (i.e. your responsibilities), aim to show how you made an impact with your achievements instead. So, when you’ve pinned down the conflict resolution skills to include in your resume, write down some achievements from your previous roles to prove them. 
• Make your achievements quantifiable. To really impress recruiters, you want to make your achievements as quantifiable as possible. After all, nothing says “real” more than a data-backed claim. For example, “hit and exceeded department’s KPIs by 20% for four months in a row” sounds better than “increased sales.” 
• Take advantage of action verbs and power words. This article lists the best action verbs and power words you can use to give your resume some color and make your achievements sound even more impressive. 

And here are some great examples of how you can describe your conflict resolution skills in your resume’s work experience section:

• Won an American Business Award for Achievement in Diversity and Inclusion for creating a checks and balances system that decreased employee complaints and conflicts by 15% in only three months. 
• Managed cross-department teams of 20 people without any hiccups, never missing a deadline, and in the end, exceeding the company’s KPIs by 14%.

Interview Questions on Conflict Resolution Skills - Sample Answers

Once you’ve worked on your resume, the next step in your job search process is to ace the job interview.

If the job you’re applying for involves customer support or management, there’s a very good chance that the interviewer will ask you detailed questions about your conflict resolution skills.

In this section, we’ll teach you just how you can answer them! 

The first thing you need to know is that the interviewer will most probably inquire about your conflict resolution skills through a behavioral interview question . 

Behavioral interview questions are types of questions where the interviewer asks you about how you acted in a specific situation.

So instead of a question like:

“What’s your greatest strength?”

They’re going to ask:

“What’s your greatest strength, and give us an example of a time you applied it in the workplace.”

Some other examples of common behavioral questions are: 

• Tell us about a time when you solved a problem at your job that wasn’t part of your job description.
• Have you ever had to work under someone who wasn’t very good at communicating? What happened?

Now, behavioral interview questions can seem trickier to answer than conventional interview questions. 

After all, anyone can answer a question like “ what’s your greatest accomplishment? ” 

Coming up with a concrete example that demonstrates how you went above and beyond to complete a work task on the spot, though, can be considerably more challenging. 

Well, it doesn’t have to be!

Lucky for you, there’s an easy way to answer behavioral interview questions called the STAR method . Here’s what STAR stands for: 

S - Situation. Describe in what situation the event took place.

T - Task. Talk about the task at hand or your responsibilities. 

A - Action. Describe the steps you took to address the issue/complete the task.

R - Results. Mention the results of your actions. 

Master the STAR method , and you’ll be able to answer any conflict resolution-related job interview question that the HR manager throws at you!

Let’s say, for example, that the interviewer asks the following question: 

“Have you ever faced conflict or disagreement with a coworker? What happened and how did you resolve it?”

Here’s how you’d answer it using the STAR method: 

Situation. “During my internship at Company X, my team and I were supposed to work together and brainstorm new talent-sourcing ideas for a client. The client was a large supermarket chain located in a very rural area, so they were struggling to source new talent.”

Task. “Basically, our task was to meet on a daily basis, brainstorm, and finally settle on three ideas. After a couple of meetings, we did have a few ideas, but none of them were really satisfactory. Meanwhile, the management wanted something they could confidently present to the client.

At this point, some of my teammates basically said “well, here are our ideas, we don’t have anything else!”. Another teammate and I, however, wanted to work on it a bit more and come up with something that WOULD work.

There was a lot of back and forth from there, the tensions were high, and the team kept shutting down all the ideas we were proposing. The deadline was super close and we had to figure out a way to move forward.”

Action. “So, I gave it some thought and realized that we’d be in a deadlock forever if we continued like this. They wouldn’t agree with our approach and we wouldn’t agree with theirs. So, we decided to bring in an unbiased third party who didn't have any emotional investment here.

We then conducted a longer meeting without any time restraints and went through each idea one by one, while the third party acted as a sort of mediator. When someone pitched something, they also had to back it up with as many facts as possible, otherwise, it wouldn’t count.”

Results. “This really helped bring something new to the table. The “mediator” helped sort through all the bad ideas, as well as infused the team with new energy, and kept tensions on the low.

We eventually came up with completely original ideas that we all agreed upon. We finished the meeting in approximately two hours and the management had three awesome ideas they could pitch to the client. The client did implement one of the ideas, which eventually resulted in three new hires.”

Simple, right?

And just to make sure you’ve really got how the STAR method works, let’s cover another example. 

Let’s say that the interviewer asks something like this:

“How do you handle angry or irritated customers? Give me an example.”

Here’s how you’d answer with the STAR method:

Situation. “Working in customer support, you really get to talk with many different kinds of people. I remember I had one angry customer that called the helpdesk once to complain. He kept repeating that the product he bought was faulty and demanded I resolve the situation then and there.”

Task. “Customers calling for refunds happen all the time, but this one was different as he just kept shouting over the phone the whole time. I had to get him to calm down if I wanted the call to go anywhere.”

Action. “Fortunately, I had experience dealing with loud customers and knew the first thing I had to do was listen to his story. Halfway through telling his story, he calmed down once he realized I was trying to help. He explained that the product was supposed to be a gift, and that’s why he was so frustrated. Then, I offered 2 solutions: a refund or a replacement for his product with express delivery.”

Results. “The customer opted for the replacement option. I called him back once they received the order just to check in if he was happy with the product. He turned out to be happy both with the product and our service, and thanked me for the help.”

Key Takeaways

And that’s a wrap on conflict resolution skills! 

Before you go and put everything we just told you to practice, let’s go over the main points covered in this article: 

• At work, conflict resolution skills are essential because they improve employees’ productivity, ensure the work environment is enjoyable for everyone, and save the company money and time. 
• Some important conflict-resolution skills include communication, creativity, assertiveness, compromise, and leadership. 
• Some healthy ways to respond to a conflict are showing empathy, keeping your calm, wanting to resolve the conflict, and following a “forgive and forget” attitude. 
• To successfully resolve conflict, make sure to properly define the issue at hand, outline possible conflict triggers, brainstorm possible solutions, agree on a single plan, and follow up to see if everyone involved is following through. 
• To make conflict resolution skills pop, add them in the skills section, sprinkle them in your resume summary, and back them up with your work experience section.

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Article • 9 min read

Conflict Resolution

8 ways to resolve conflict in the workplace.

By the Mind Tools Content Team

Where there are people, there is conflict. We each have our values, needs and habits, so it's easy to misunderstand or irritate one another – or worse, to fall into conflict.

Left unchecked, conflict can lead to bad decisions and outright disputes, bullying or harassment. Teamwork breaks down, morale drops, and projects grind to a halt. Organizations feel the hit with wasted talent, high absenteeism, and increased staff turnover.

But conflict can be resolved. What's more, it can bring issues to light, strengthen relationships, and spark innovation – so long as you don't try to ignore it!

In this article, we'll explore different types of conflict, what causes conflict, and how to reach a positive outcome when you find yourself in conflict with a co-worker. (To identify the signs of conflict occurring between other people and to help them overcome their conflict with one another, we recommend our follow-on article, Resolving Team Conflict .)

Conflict Resolution Definition

Generally, workplace conflicts fall into two categories:

• Personality conflict or disagreements between individuals. These clashes are driven and perpetuated by emotions such as anger, stress and frustration.
• Substantive conflict is tangible and task-related, like the decisions leaders make, the performance of a team member, or your company's direction.

If unaddressed, both can spiral into wider conflict between teams, departments or businesses. Conflict resolution can be defined as the process of identifying, addressing, and resolving disagreements or disputes among employees in a professional setting, thereby fostering a positive and productive work environment.

What Causes Conflict at Work?

Some of the most common causes of workplace conflict are:

• Unclear responsibilities . Some team members may feel they do more work than others, or resent those who seem to have fewer responsibilities. Blame and frustration can build due to duplicated work or unfinished tasks.
• Competition for resources . Time, money, materials, equipment, and skillsets are finite resources. Competition for them can lead to conflict.
• Different interests . People may focus on personal or departmental goals over organizational ones. Or be held up and frustrated by others who they rely on to do their jobs effectively.

Read our article on Bell and Hart's Eight Causes of Conflict for more sources of – and solutions to – disputes.

Five Conflict Resolution Strategies

When you find yourself in a conflict situation, these five strategies will help you to resolve disagreements quickly and effectively:

1. Raise the Issue Early

Keeping quiet only lets resentment fester. Equally, speaking with other people first can fuel rumor and misunderstanding.

So, whether you're battling over the thermostat or feel that you're being micromanaged, be direct and talk with the other party. However, if you're afraid of making that approach, or worry that it may make the problem worse, speak with your manager first, or your HR department if the other party is your manager.

Either way, be assertive (not aggressive) and speak openly. This will encourage others to do the same – and you can get to the root cause of a problem before it escalates.

2. Manage Your Emotions

Choose your timing when you talk to someone about the conflict. If you're angry, you may say something you'll regret and inflame the situation. Be careful to avoid playing the blame game .

So stay calm, collect yourself, and ask, "What is it I want to achieve here?", "What are the issues I'm having?" and "What is it that I would like to see?"

See our article Managing Your Emotions at Work for more insight and tips.

3. Show Empathy

When you talk to someone about a conflict, it's natural to want to state your own case, rather than hear out the other side. But when two people do this, the conversation goes in circles.

Instead, invite the other party to describe their position, ask how they think they might resolve the issue, and listen with empathy .

Putting yourself in the other person's shoes is an essential part of negotiation. This helps you to build mutual respect and understanding – and to achieve an outcome that satisfies both parties.

4. Practice Active Listening

To identify the source of the conflict you have to really listen. To listen actively:

• Paraphrase the other party's points to show you're listening and really understand them.
• Look out for non-verbal signals that contradict what they are saying, such as a hesitant tone behind positive words. Bring these out into the open sensitively to address them together.
• Use appropriate body language , such as nodding your head, to show interest and to make it clear that you're following them.

Go further with Empathic Listening or Mindful Listening .

5. Acknowledge Criticism

Some of the things the other person tells you may be difficult to hear. But remember that criticism or constructive feedback is about job behaviors and not you as a person.

So, keep an open mind and use criticism to help you to identify areas to improve, perform better next time, and grow.

Glasers' Three-Step Strategy for Conflict Resolution

Conflict management consultants Peter and Susan Glaser recommend a three-step strategy for resolving conflict, and it draws on many of the skills we've looked at above. You can hear the Glasers talking about their model in our exclusive interview with them. [1]

The steps for these conflict resolution skills are:

• Prove that you understand their side.
• Acknowledge that you are part of the problem.
• Try again if the conversation didn't go well.

Let's try a training exercise and apply each step to a fictional conflict resolution scenario.

Conflict Resolution Training Example

Imagine that the heads of two departments are in conflict. Product Manager Sayid changed the price of a product without letting Marketing Manager Gayanne know. As a result, the marketing team sent out an email to customers with incorrect prices. They had to send out a follow-up email apologizing for the error, and make good on the price some customers paid for the product.

1. Prove That You Understand Their Side

Instead of blaming Sayid, Gayanne asks him how he came to make the decision. She uses her questioning and listening skills to get the information she needs and to show that she's truly hearing Sayid's response.

She discovers that Sayid was pressured by a major client to drop the price or risk losing a contract. She empathizes , saying, "Yes, I've had difficulties with that client before, too."

As Susan Glaser says, "Only when you believe that I understand you, will you be willing to try to understand my perspective." [2]

2. Acknowledge That You Are Part of the Problem

If you're in conflict with someone, it's unlikely you're free of all blame. So admit your part in it. This leads to mutual trust, a better understanding of one another, and makes it easier to find a solution.

In our scenario, Gayanne could say to Sayid, "I should have shared our marketing strategy and email send dates with you. I'll do that right away."

3. Try Again if the Conversation Doesn't Go Well

Despite the progress they've made, relations between the two managers remain frosty, so Sayid calls Gayanne the following week. He says, "I was thinking about our conversation, and I'd like to try again because I'm not happy with how it went. I've had time to take your points on board, and I'd like to talk about how we can work together better going forward."

Remember that you get more than one shot at resolving a conflict. Susan Glaser says, "There's a myth that if we have a bad conversation with someone it's over. In fact, 'do overs' are powerful." [3]

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is conflict resolution important in the workplace?

Unresolved conflicts can hinder productivity and damage team dynamics. Effective conflict resolution helps maintain a positive work environment, promotes collaboration, and ensures issues are addressed before they escalate.

What are some common sources of workplace conflicts?

Workplace conflicts can arise from differences in communication styles, conflicting goals, personality clashes, misunderstandings, resource allocation, or competing priorities. Recognizing these sources is crucial for timely intervention.

How can a team manager effectively address conflicts among team members?

A team manager should act as a mediator and facilitator. Begin by listening to both sides, understanding perspectives, and acknowledging emotions. Encourage open dialogue, find common ground, and work together to find a solution that is fair and beneficial for all parties.

What strategies can managers employ to prevent conflicts from escalating?

Managers can implement proactive measures such as fostering a transparent communication culture, setting clear expectations, defining roles and responsibilities, and promoting team-building activities. By addressing potential sources of conflict early on, managers can prevent minor issues from turning into major disputes.

How does effective conflict resolution contribute to team productivity?

Resolving conflicts promptly maintains a harmonious working environment where team members feel valued and understood. This leads to improved morale, increased focus on tasks, and a more efficient workflow, ultimately enhancing overall team productivity.

When is it appropriate to involve higher management in conflict resolution?

Involving higher management should be considered when conflicts cannot be resolved at the team level or when the conflicts involve larger organizational issues. Higher management can provide a neutral perspective and additional resources to facilitate resolution.

Conflict is common in the workplace. The biggest mistake you can make is to do nothing. Unresolved tensions can affect the health and performance of people and organizations.

So, hone these five conflict resolution skills to pre-empt, manage and fix conflicts with your co-workers:

• Raise the issue early.
• Manage your emotions.
• Show empathy.
• Practice active listening.
• Acknowledge criticism.

Then try the Glasers' three-step conflict resolution strategy to resolve issues together:

• Try again if the conversation doesn't go well.

In the process, you may even discover positives such as improved processes, strengthened relationships, and innovation!

[1] [2] [3] Mind Tools interview with Peter A. Glaser, Ph.D. and Susan R. Glaser. Available here .

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5 Strategies for Conflict Resolution in the Workplace

• 07 Sep 2023

Any scenario in which you live, work, and collaborate with others is susceptible to conflict. Because workplaces are made up of employees with different backgrounds, personalities, opinions, and daily lives, discord is bound to occur. To navigate it, it’s crucial to understand why it arises and your options for resolving it.

Common reasons for workplace conflict include:

• Misunderstandings or poor communication skills
• Differing opinions, viewpoints, or personalities
• Biases or stereotypes
• Variations in learning or processing styles
• Perceptions of unfairness

Although conflict is common, many don’t feel comfortable handling it—especially with colleagues. As a business leader, you’ll likely clash with other managers and need to help your team work through disputes.

Here’s why conflict resolution is important and five strategies for approaching it.

Access your free e-book today.

Why Is Addressing Workplace Conflict Important?

Pretending conflict doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away. Ignoring issues can lead to missed deadlines, festering resentment, and unsuccessful initiatives.

Yet, according to coaching and training firm Bravely , 53 percent of employees handle “toxic” situations by avoiding them. Worse still, averting a difficult conversation can cost an organization $7,500 and more than seven workdays.

That adds up quickly: American businesses lose $359 billion yearly due to the impact of unresolved conflict.

As a leader, you have a responsibility to foster healthy conflict resolution and create a safe, productive work environment for employees.

“Some rights, such as the right to safe working conditions or the right against sexual harassment, are fundamental to the employment relationship,” says Harvard Business School Professor Nien-hê Hsieh in the course Leadership, Ethics, and Corporate Accountability . “These rights are things that employees should be entitled to no matter what. They’re often written into the law, but even when they aren’t, they’re central to the ethical treatment of others, which involves respecting the inherent dignity and intrinsic worth of each individual.”

Effectively resolving disputes as they arise benefits your employees’ well-being and your company’s financial health. The first step is learning about five conflict resolution strategies at your disposal.

Related: How to Navigate Difficult Conversations with Employees

While there are several approaches to conflict, some can be more effective than others. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model —developed by Dr. Kenneth W. Thomas and Dr. Ralph H. Kilmann—outlines five strategies for conflict resolution:

• Accommodating
• Compromising
• Collaborating

These fall on a graph, with assertiveness on the y-axis and cooperativeness on the x-axis. In the Thomas-Kilmann model, “assertiveness” refers to the extent to which you try to reach your own goal, and “cooperativeness” is the extent to which you try to satisfy the other party’s goal.

Alternatively, you can think of these axis labels as the “importance of my goal” and the “importance of this relationship.” If your assertiveness is high, you aim to achieve your own goal. If your cooperativeness is high, you strive to help the other person reach theirs to maintain the relationship.

Here’s a breakdown of the five strategies and when to use each.

1. Avoiding

Avoiding is a strategy best suited for situations in which the relationship’s importance and goal are both low.

While you’re unlikely to encounter these scenarios at work, they may occur in daily life. For instance, imagine you’re on a public bus and the passenger next to you is loudly playing music. You’ll likely never bump into that person again, and your goal of a pleasant bus ride isn’t extremely pressing. Avoiding conflict by ignoring the music is a valid option.

In workplace conflicts—where your goals are typically important and you care about maintaining a lasting relationship with colleagues—avoidance can be detrimental.

Remember: Some situations require avoiding conflict, but you’re unlikely to encounter them in the workplace.

2. Competing

Competing is another strategy that, while not often suited for workplace conflict, can be useful in some situations.

This conflict style is for scenarios in which you place high importance on your goal and low importance on your relationships with others. It’s high in assertiveness and low in cooperation.

You may choose a competing style in a crisis. For instance, if someone is unconscious and people are arguing about what to do, asserting yourself and taking charge can help the person get medical attention quicker.

You can also use it when standing up for yourself and in instances where you feel unsafe. In those cases, asserting yourself and reaching safety is more critical than your relationships with others.

When using a competing style in situations where your relationships do matter (for instance, with a colleague), you risk impeding trust—along with collaboration, creativity, and productivity.

3. Accommodating

The third conflict resolution strategy is accommodation, in which you acquiesce to the other party’s needs. Use accommodating in instances where the relationship matters more than your goal.

For example, if you pitch an idea for a future project in a meeting, and one of your colleagues says they believe it will have a negative impact, you could resolve the conflict by rescinding your original thought.

This is useful if the other person is angry or hostile or you don’t have a strong opinion on the matter. It immediately deescalates conflict by removing your goal from the equation.

While accommodation has its place within organizational settings, question whether you use it to avoid conflict. If someone disagrees with you, simply acquiescing can snuff out opportunities for innovation and creative problem-solving .

As a leader, notice whether your employees frequently fall back on accommodation. If the setting is safe, encouraging healthy debate can lead to greater collaboration.

Related: How to Create a Culture of Ethics and Accountability in the Workplace

4. Compromising

Compromising is a conflict resolution strategy in which you and the other party willingly forfeit some of your needs to reach an agreement. It’s known as a “lose-lose” strategy, since neither of you achieve your full goal.

This strategy works well when your care for your goal and the relationship are both moderate. You value the relationship, but not so much that you abandon your goal, like in accommodation.

For example, maybe you and a peer express interest in leading an upcoming project. You could compromise by co-leading it or deciding one of you leads this one and the other the next one.

Compromising requires big-picture thinking and swallowing your pride, knowing you won’t get all your needs fulfilled. The benefits are that you and the other party value your relationship and make sacrifices to reach a mutually beneficial resolution.

5. Collaborating

Where compromise is a lose-lose strategy, collaboration is a win-win. In instances of collaboration, your goal and the relationship are equally important, motivating both you and the other party to work together to find an outcome that meets all needs.

An example of a situation where collaboration is necessary is if one of your employees isn’t performing well in their role—to the point that they’re negatively impacting the business. While maintaining a strong, positive relationship is important, so is finding a solution to their poor performance. Framing the conflict as a collaboration can open doors to help each other discover its cause and what you can do to improve performance and the business’s health.

Collaboration is ideal for most workplace conflicts. Goals are important, but so is maintaining positive relationships with co-workers. Promote collaboration whenever possible to find creative solutions to problems . If you can’t generate a win-win idea, you can always fall back on compromise.

Considering Your Responsibilities as a Leader

As a leader, not only must you address your own conflicts but help your employees work through theirs. When doing so, remember your responsibilities to your employees—whether ethical, legal, or economic.

Leadership, Ethics, and Corporate Accountability groups your ethical responsibilities to employees into five categories:

• Well-being: What’s ultimately good for the person
• Rights: Entitlement to receive certain treatment
• Duties: A moral obligation to behave in a specific way
• Best practices: Aspirational standards not required by law or cultural norms
• Fairness: Impartial and just treatment

In the course, Hsieh outlines three types of fairness you can use when helping employees solve conflicts:

• Legitimate expectations: Employees reasonably expect certain practices or behaviors to continue based on experiences with the organization and explicit promises.
• Procedural fairness: Managers must resolve issues impartially and consistently.
• Distributive fairness: Your company equitably allocates opportunities, benefits, and burdens.

Particularly with procedural fairness, ensure you don’t take sides when mediating conflict. Treat both parties equally, allowing them time to speak and share their perspectives. Guide your team toward collaboration or compromise, and work toward a solution that achieves the goal while maintaining—and even strengthening—relationships.

Are you interested in learning how to navigate difficult decisions as a leader? Explore Leadership, Ethics, and Corporate Accountability —one of our online leadership and management courses —and download our free guide to becoming a more effective leader.

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• Conflict Resolution: Skills,...

Conflict Resolution: Skills, Definition and Examples

14 min read · Updated on June 08, 2023

Master the art of conflict resolution and unlock the key to harmonious workplaces

In today's fast-paced and dynamic work environments, conflicts are bound to arise. Whether it's a difference in opinions, clashing personalities, or opposing interests, conflicts can disrupt productivity, strain relationships, and create a negative atmosphere. That's where conflict resolution skills come into play.

You can use the conflict resolution examples in this article to learn how to address and resolve disagreements, disputes, and tensions in a constructive and mutually beneficial manner. It involves employing a set of essential skills that enable individuals to navigate conflicts, find common ground, and reach satisfactory resolutions. These skills encompass active listening, effective communication, emotional intelligence, and problem-solving.

In the following sections, we'll delve deeper into the key skills for resolving conflicts, explore the three Cs of conflict resolution, discuss the main conflict resolution skills, and provide practical tips and techniques to enhance your conflict resolution repertoire. 

Let's unlock the power of conflict resolution and pave the way for a more cohesive and successful workplace.

Understanding the importance of conflict resolution

Possessing strong conflict resolution skills is more than just a valuable asset in the workplace; it's a necessity for fostering healthy relationships, teamwork, and a positive organizational culture. When conflicts are effectively managed, teams can maintain focus, collaborate more efficiently, and achieve their goals with greater synergy.

One of the primary benefits of honing conflict resolution skills is the ability to prevent conflicts from escalating into larger, more disruptive issues. By addressing conflicts early on and with finesse, individuals can nip potential problems in the bud and maintain a harmonious work environment. Strong conflict resolution skills also foster open lines of communication, trust, and respect among team members, enhancing overall morale and job satisfaction.

Furthermore, possessing these skills enables individuals to navigate challenging conversations and delicate situations with confidence, poise, and empathy. It allows for the development of creative solutions and win-win outcomes, where both parties feel heard and their needs are met.

Conflict Resolution Skills Definition

Conflict resolution skills are vital tools for navigating professional settings. They are defined as skills that enable peaceful outcomes to disputes. These skills involve various strategies and techniques aimed at finding common ground, promoting effective communication, and achieving mutually beneficial resolutions. By developing these skills, you can proactively manage conflicts, prevent escalation, and cultivate a positive work environment.

What are conflict resolution skills?

Skill 1: active listening.

One of the best examples of conflict resolution skills is active listening. It involves fully engaging with the speaker, not only hearing their words but also understanding their underlying emotions and concerns. By attentively listening, you  demonstrate empathy , respect, and a genuine desire to comprehend the other person's perspective.

In conflict situations, active listening helps to de-escalate tension and foster open communication. Practice active listening by:

Maintaining eye contact

Nodding to show understanding

Paraphrasing or summarizing the speaker's points

These techniques ensure that both parties feel heard and valued, laying the groundwork for constructive dialogue and resolution.

Skill 2: Effective communication

Effective communication is essential for resolving conflicts. It encompasses both verbal and non-verbal forms of expression. Clear and  assertive communication  helps to convey your thoughts, needs, and concerns while also encouraging others to express themselves openly.

To improve communication skills in conflict situations, it's crucial to be mindful of your tone and body language. Choose your words carefully, avoiding confrontational or accusatory language. Be attentive to  non-verbal  cues, such as facial expressions and gestures, as they can significantly impact how your message is received.

Skill 3: Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence plays a vital role in conflict resolution. It involves recognizing, understanding, and managing emotions - both your own and those of others. By developing emotional intelligence, you can navigate conflicts with empathy, self-awareness, and self-control.

In conflict situations, emotional intelligence allows you to regulate your emotions, preventing impulsive reactions that may escalate tensions. It also enables you to understand the underlying emotions of others, fostering empathy and facilitating a more compassionate approach to conflict resolution.

One of the best things you can do to  enhance emotional intelligence  in conflicts is to practice self-reflection and self-awareness. Take a moment to identify your emotions and understand their impact on your behavior. Cultivate empathy by putting yourself in the other person's shoes, considering their perspective, and acknowledging their feelings.

Skill 4: Problem solving and collaboration

Problem solving and collaboration are crucial skills for resolving conflicts effectively. By adopting a collaborative approach, you shift the focus from "winning" the argument to finding mutually beneficial solutions.

In conflict resolution, problem solving techniques such as brainstorming, identifying common goals, and exploring alternative options can help to break down barriers and encourage collaboration. Foster an environment of open dialogue, where individuals feel comfortable sharing ideas and working together towards a resolution.

Additionally, fostering collaboration involves promoting active participation, valuing diverse viewpoints, and encouraging compromise. When people work together to solve problems, conflicts can be transformed into opportunities for growth, innovation, and strengthened relationships.

The three Cs of conflict resolution

Possessing these skills leads directly to the three Cs - calmness (sometimes referred to as composure), communication, and compromise. Understanding and employing the three Cs of conflict resolution can help you to achieve mutually agreeable solutions. 

C - Calmness

Maintaining calmness during conflicts is essential for productive resolution. When emotions run high, it becomes difficult to think clearly and communicate effectively. By staying calm and composed, you create a conducive environment for constructive dialogue and problem-solving.

Techniques for staying calm and composed in tense situations include:

Taking deep breaths: Deep breathing helps to regulate your body's stress response, allowing you to stay centered and focused

Practicing mindfulness: By bringing your attention to the present moment, mindfulness helps you to detach from strong emotions and approach conflicts with greater clarity

Using self-soothing techniques: Engage in activities that help you to relax and reduce stress, such as going for a walk, listening to calming music, or practicing meditation

C - Communication

Effective communication is the backbone of conflict resolution. It involves expressing yourself clearly, actively listening to others, and promoting understanding.

Practical tips for communicating constructively during conflicts include:

Using "I" statements: Express your feelings, thoughts, and needs using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational. For example, say, "I feel frustrated when..." instead of "You always..."

Practicing active listening: Give your full attention to the speaker, maintain eye contact, and avoid interrupting. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and summarizing their points to ensure accurate understanding.

Seeking clarification: If something is unclear, ask open-ended questions to gather more information and promote deeper understanding. This demonstrates your genuine interest in resolving the conflict.

C - Compromise

Compromise is a crucial element of conflict resolution, as it involves finding solutions that satisfy the needs and interests of all parties involved.

To achieve an effective compromise, consider the following guidance:

Identify common ground: Look for shared interests or goals that can serve as a foundation for finding a middle ground. Focus on areas where you can work together to find a solution that addresses everyone's concerns.

Practice active problem-solving: Collaborate with the other party to brainstorm creative solutions. Encourage the exploration of alternatives and evaluate the pros and cons of each option.

Be willing to give and take: Recognize that compromise requires flexibility and a willingness to make concessions. Strive for a solution that may not be perfect but meets the core needs of both parties.

Remember, compromise does not mean surrendering or sacrificing your values. Instead, it involves finding a balance that allows for progress and resolution while respecting the perspectives and needs of all involved.

In the next section, we explore the five main conflict resolution strategies, expanding your repertoire of tools for resolving conflicts in the workplace.

Main conflict resolution strategies

Conflicts in the workplace can vary in complexity and intensity. To effectively resolve conflicts, it is important to have a repertoire of strategies at your disposal. Here, we will explore the five main conflict resolution strategies, providing you with valuable tools to navigate conflicts and promote positive outcomes.

Strategy 1: Collaborative problem solving

Collaborative problem solving is a strategy that emphasizes teamwork, open communication, and the active involvement of all parties in finding a resolution. This approach promotes a cooperative atmosphere and encourages the exploration of mutually beneficial solutions.

Steps and examples for implementing this strategy include:

Identify the problem: Clearly define the underlying issue and ensure all parties have a shared understanding of the conflict

Generate alternative solutions: Brainstorm possible solutions together, encouraging creativity and a free exchange of ideas - consider both individual and collective interests

Evaluate options: Assess the pros and cons of each proposed solution, considering the impact on all parties involved; aim for solutions that address the core needs and concerns of everyone

Collaborate on decision-making: Select the solution that best meets the shared interests and goals identified during the process. Strive for consensus or a general agreement that everyone can accept

For example, imagine your team is experiencing conflicts over project timelines. By engaging in collaborative problem solving, team members can openly discuss their concerns, propose adjustments to deadlines, and collectively decide on a revised timeline that considers individual workloads and priorities.

Strategy 2: Compromise and negotiation

Compromise and negotiation are strategies that involve finding a middle ground and reaching agreement. These strategies require flexibility, effective communication, and a willingness to give and take.

Principles and techniques for implementing compromise and negotiation strategies include:

Identify shared goals: Focus on common interests and seek outcomes that align with the overarching objectives of the organization or team

Prioritize needs: Understand the core needs of each party and explore potential trade-offs that can address those needs to a reasonable extent

Explore alternative solutions: Encourage open dialogue to generate creative options that accommodate different perspectives and preferences

Seek win-win solutions: Aim for outcomes that result in mutual gains, rather than one party prevailing over the other - this approach fosters cooperation and strengthens relationships

For instance, imagine two departments in your organization disagree on the allocation of resources. Through compromise and negotiation, they can engage in constructive discussions, explore different resource distribution models, and eventually reach an agreement that balances the needs and priorities of both departments.

Strategy 3: Assertiveness 

Assertiveness is an important skill in conflict resolution. It involves expressing your thoughts, needs, and concerns in a clear and respectful manner while actively listening to others. Assertive communication promotes understanding, prevents miscommunication, and fosters productive dialogue.

Tips for assertive communication include:

Use clear and direct language: State your points in a concise and straightforward manner, avoiding ambiguity or vagueness

Maintain composure: Stay calm and composed, even when faced with challenging or confrontational behavior; respond rather than react, and focus on the issues at hand

Actively listen: Give others the opportunity to express their viewpoints fully, demonstrating respect and genuine interest; paraphrase and summarize their points to ensure accurate understanding

Strive for mutually beneficial solutions: Look for solutions that meet everyone's needs, promoting mutual understanding and cooperation

By practicing assertiveness, conflicts can be addressed head-on, enabling effective problem-solving and resolution.

Strategy 4: Avoidance and accommodation

In certain situations,  avoidance or accommodation  may be appropriate conflict resolution strategies. However, it's important to note that these strategies are most effective when used selectively and judiciously.

When considering avoidance or accommodation, keep the following in mind:

Timing is crucial: Sometimes, conflicts may be best resolved by allowing emotions to cool down before engaging in discussions; temporary avoidance can prevent further escalation

Relationship preservation: Accommodation can be useful when the relationship between parties is of the utmost importance and maintaining harmony takes precedence over personal desires

Potential drawbacks: Overuse of avoidance or accommodation can lead to unresolved conflicts, resentment, or a lack of assertiveness, which may hinder long-term productivity and satisfaction

Remember, while avoidance and accommodation can be useful in specific circumstances, they should not be relied upon as the primary means of conflict resolution.

Strategy 5: Mediation and facilitation

Mediation and facilitation involve the assistance of a neutral third party to guide the conflict resolution process. Mediators or facilitators help to enable open dialogue, maintain a balanced discussion, and foster a cooperative atmosphere.

Key aspects of mediation and facilitation in conflict resolution include:

Neutral and impartial guidance: The mediator or facilitator ensures a fair process by allowing all parties to express their concerns and viewpoints without bias

Active listening and reframing: The mediator or facilitator actively listens to each party, paraphrases their statements, and reframes them to promote understanding and perspective-taking

Encouraging cooperation: The mediator or facilitator helps parties to explore common ground, identify shared interests, and find mutually acceptable solutions.

Ensuring follow-through: After an agreement is reached, the mediator or facilitator may assist in establishing a plan of action and monitoring its implementation.

Mediation and facilitation can be particularly useful in complex or deeply entrenched conflicts, where the involvement of a neutral third party can facilitate resolution and improve relationships among parties.

Additional tips and techniques for conflict resolution

As you might have guessed, there are far more options to explore in managing conflicts. The five in the previous section were just the tip of the iceberg. There are various tips, practices, and techniques that can further enhance your conflict resolution skills. By incorporating these approaches into your conflict resolution toolkit you can navigate conflicts more effectively and foster positive outcomes, so it's time to refine those skills and contribute to a more harmonious and productive work environment. 

Separate people from the problem: Focus on the issue at hand rather than personalizing the conflict. By separating people from the problem, you can approach conflict resolution more objectively.

Foster a culture of feedback: Create an environment where feedback is valued and encouraged. Constructive feedback can address conflicts early on and prevent them from escalating.

Continuously learn and improve: Conflict resolution is a skill that can be honed over time. Seek opportunities for  professional development , attend workshops or training programs, and learn from real-world experiences.

Your conflict resolution journey

Congratulations! You've embarked on a journey to unlock the power of conflict resolution and forge a path toward a workplace that thrives on harmony and fosters resounding success. In this article, we've delved into the definition of conflict resolution, looked at key skills and examples, and recognized its importance in professional settings.

By developing strong conflict resolution skills, you're not only enhancing your ability to navigate conflicts effectively but are also becoming a steward of your own career progression. The value of these skills extends far beyond resolving individual conflicts; they empower you to excel as a professional, a team player, and a leader.

Moreover, by employing various conflict resolution strategies you become equipped with a diverse toolkit to address conflicts proactively and constructively.

Remember, conflict is a natural part of human interaction, but how we handle and resolve it sets us apart. By continuously honing your conflict resolution skills, seeking win-win solutions, and embracing a culture of open communication, you will not only enhance your professional growth but also contribute to a happier work environment.

So, embrace the challenges that conflict presents as opportunities for growth. View conflict resolution as a skill set that empowers you to navigate through obstacles, build stronger relationships, and drive success. By becoming a master of conflict resolution, you are taking charge of your own career progression and setting a shining example for others to follow.

Now, go forth with confidence, armed with the knowledge and skills to transform conflicts into stepping stones toward your professional success!

Make sure that your exceptional conflict resolution skills are shining through on your resume by taking advantage of our  free resume review !

Recommended reading:

Interpersonal Conflict: How to Manage it and Learn From it

Leverage People Skills to Improve Your Employability and Career Success

What Are Soft Skills? And How to Showcase Them on Your Resume

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Managing Conflict Resolution Effectively

How to set boundaries and act assertively in conflict..

Posted January 11, 2024 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

• Assertiveness and boundaries are a powerful combination for managing conflict.
• When you are being nonjudgmental and cultivating compassion, collaboration increases.
• Practice active listening to understand your partner while finding common ground.

Conflict resolution is a way for two or more parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them. When a dispute arises, often the best course of action is assertive communication that resolves the disagreement while maintaining a respectful relationship.

When conflicts are managed constructively, it can help build trust in relationships. Respectfully, directly, and openly discussing opposing perspectives and resolving conflicts collaboratively can create a sense of unity, shared purpose, and mutual respect within the relationship.

Assertiveness and boundaries are essential skills for managing conflict in any situation. Whether it is at work, in your relationships, or in your team, you need to be able to express your feelings, thoughts, needs, and opinions respectfully and confidently.

What is assertive communication?

Assertive communication is a style of communication based on honesty, respect, and confidence . Assertiveness is the ability to express feelings and thoughts openly and to directly defend your rights while respecting the rights of others. It is about taking care of your own needs and wants while considering the needs and wants of others. It is the ability to take responsibility without being controlling. Assertiveness is the balanced space between surrender and aggressiveness. It is not about overpowering or dominating, but rather about finding balance, harmony, and mutual understanding.

Why is assertive communication important for dealing with conflict?

Assertive communication is an essential skill for conflict resolution, as it enables you to express your needs in a respectful manner while also collaboratively resolving your disagreement with your partner. Assertiveness helps build trust and rapport with your partner, empowering your partner while enhancing your self-esteem and confidence. In addition, assertive communication minimizes stress , while ensuring your rights and boundaries are respected.

Assertive communication is important because it ensures that you deliver your points in a constructive way—respectful, clear, direct, and kind. When you communicate in that manner, it will naturally help diffuse the conflict, establish healthy boundaries, and also prevent any issue from escalating.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits and rules you set for yourself and others in your interactions. They reflect your values, preferences, and expectations and help you define what is acceptable or unacceptable for you. Boundaries help individuals establish limits and protect their emotional and physical well-being. Without boundaries, individuals may not feel safe or secure in their relationships or environments.

Set healthy boundaries

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with others is a skill you can learn and practice. To do so, identify your boundaries—what you want and need, what makes you feel comfortable and uncomfortable, and your non-negotiables. Then communicate them clearly, directly, and respectfully to others. Be consistent and firm, but also flexible and open to feedback. If someone crosses or violates your boundaries, let them know how you feel and what you expect. Take action to protect yourself if they persist or disrespect your boundaries. Lastly, respect the boundaries of others. Ask for permission, listen to their cues, and accept their “no” without judgment, pressure, or manipulation.

Integrate assertiveness and boundaries to resolve conflict

Handling conflict with boundaries and assertiveness is not always easy, but it is achievable and beneficial. To do so, identify your state of mind, feelings, and needs, and prepare your statements. Choose an appropriate time and location to have a discussion about the conflict and make sure that both parties are ready and willing to converse. During the talk, objectively focus on the issue rather than the person. Avoid personal attacks, put down, or allegations, and use “I” statements to express your perspective. Stay calm and listen with curiosity to understand your partner while finding common ground. Respect both of your boundaries and rights while being willing to compromise and negotiate. Stay open-minded and make sure you maintain a caring relationship with your partner regardless of conflict and its outcome. Finally, thank the other person for their time and effort, summarizing what you agreed upon, expressing appreciation, and hoping for a stronger relationship and a bright future.

Practice active listening

To identify the source of the conflict, you have to pay attention and listen carefully. To listen actively, make sure you understand your partner and paraphrase the other party's points.

Pay attention to nonverbal signals and use appropriate body language , such as nodding your head, to show interest and to clarify that you're following them.

Listen without interruption to what the other person has to say. Aspire to be objective and clear. Then, ask questions to make sure each side understands what the other person thinks, feels, and wants.

Do that before speaking

Before you communicate, ask yourself the following questions about what you wish to say:

• Is it true?
• Is it kind?
• Is it useful?
• Is it necessary?
• Is it going to land well?
• Is this the right time to say it?

If one of the answers is no, consider not saying it. In these moments, silence is more productive than words. Be patient and once you find the time when the answers to these questions are yes, this is the time to speak.

7 steps for better conflict resolution

• Define the source of the conflict. Take your time to reveal the true needs of each party. The greater knowledge you have about the cause of the problem, the more easily you can resolve it.
• Find a common goal. Make similarities the starting point of finding a creative solution. Be open and curious to continually find common ground throughout the entire conflict resolution process.
• Establish safety. Creative conflict resolution requires that all parties feel safe enough to not only share what they need but to challenge each other's ideas without emotional escalation.
• Recognize your part. Be accountable and objectively assess your share in the conflict. Acknowledge your role in the problem and take responsibility for it.
• Empathize with your partner. Demonstrate to your partner that you understand their side while considering it. When you are being non-judgmental and cultivate compassion the fear of losing diminishes and collaboration increases.
• Review options. Remind yourself of your positive intention and what you want to achieve before you start the discussion. Be creative and discuss possible options while looking for solutions that benefit all parties.
• Discover a win-win solution. This is the ultimate goal—to agree on an option that benefits both sides to some extent. When one party wins and another party loses, the outcome does not resolve the underlying causes of the conflict.

Conflicts and disagreements are unavoidable. It is important to realize that the benefits of conflict resolution extend beyond resolving disagreements, contributing significantly to personal growth, emotional well-being, and healthy relationships.

Moshe Ratson, MBA, MFT, is a psychotherapist and executive coach in NYC. He specializes in personal and professional development, anger management, emotional intelligence, infidelity issues, and couples and marriage therapy.

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14 Conflict Resolution Strategies for the Workplace

One lesson common to humanity is how to negotiate conflict skillfully.

In a keynote speech to graduate students in conflict analysis, international mediator Kenneth Cloke (2011) made a profound statement that has stayed with me to this day: “Conflict is the arrow pointing to what we need to learn the most.”

Interpersonal skills such as conflict resolution extend beyond social circles, affecting the workplace and illuminating lessons yet to be learned.

American businesses lose $359 billion yearly due to unresolved conflict and low productivity (Kauth, 2020). The physical, emotional, psychological, and interpersonal tolls are incalculable.

Can we seek a better understanding of conflict and transform its devastating effects?

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Work & Career Coaching Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients identify opportunities for professional growth and create a more meaningful career.

This Article Contains:

What is conflict resolution & why is it important, 5 psychological benefits of conflict resolution, 7 examples of conflict resolution skills, how to do conflict resolution: 2 approaches, 6 methods and approaches to apply in the office, 6 strategies and techniques for the workplace, best activities, games, workbooks, and online tools, helpful books for managers and organizations, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

Pruitt and Kim (2004, pp. 7–8) describe conflict as “perceived divergence of interest, a belief that the parties’ current aspirations are incompatible.”

Conflict resolution is an agreement reached when all or most of the issues of contention are cleared up (Pruitt & Kim, 2004).

Further, conflict management is a product of successful problem-solving in which the parties have worked out ways to de-escalate conflict and avoid future escalations.

Conflict can be disruptive and, at worst, destructive. Once it erupts, it’s hard to control (Bolton, 1986). Emotions run high during conflict, blocking the path to rational solutions.

Conflict resolution is important because “when people experience conflicts, much of their energy goes into emotions related to those conflicts” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011, p. 2).

Some emotions commonly associated with conflict include fear, anger, distrust, rejection, defensiveness, hopelessness, resentment, and stress (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011; Bolton, 1986).

Another reason conflict resolution is important is because people involved in heavily contentious conflict are likely to experience “a wide range of psychological and physical health problems including weakened immune system, depression, alcoholism, and eating disorders” (Pruitt & Kim, 2004, pp. 11–12).

Clearly, languishing in this state of emotional upheaval and chaos is harmful emotionally, physically, and psychologically.

Conflict resolution: A theoretical framework

Realistic conflict theory assumes “conflict can always be explained by some tangible (like territory, money, prizes) or intangible (like power, prestige, honor) resource that is desired by both groups and is in short supply” (Pruitt & Kim, 2004, pp. 28–29).

This theory attempts to explain why conflict occurs as humans perpetually strive to acquire perceived needs.

Cortisol released because of ongoing stress soaks the brain’s nerve cells, causing memories to shrink (Leaf, 2008).

This affects the ability to think creatively, a helpful component for resolution.

In addition, the stress response increases blood sugar levels, speeding up our heart rate to pump blood to our arms, legs, and brain in preparation to escape (Leaf, 2008). This physiological fight-or-flight reaction  saps precious energy.

Dealing with emotions first will help reduce emotional arousal and stress. Once the body returns to normal, rational problem-solving skills can resume. Typically, people get into trouble when they address conflict at the peak of emotional arousal.

For this reason, acknowledge that the issue needs to be addressed but wait until emotions subside before engaging in a discussion. This ensures the issue is not ignored. In other words, conflict can be scheduled .

Some psychological benefits of conflict resolution include (Arslan, Hamarta, & Usla, 2010; Sexton & Orchard, 2016; Bolton, 1986):

• Stress reduction
• Improved self-esteem

Improved self-efficacy

• Better relationships

Increased energy

Let’s take a quick look at two of the most common benefits.

Self-efficacy is a person’s belief in their capability to complete a specific task successfully (Lunenburg, 2011). Learning and practicing skills such as effective communication and conflict resolution are essential building blocks for self-efficacy. Successful conflict resolution skills in the workplace increase confidence, promoting the likelihood of future successes (Lunenburg, 2011).

Increased self-efficacy “influences the tasks employees choose to learn and the goals they set for themselves” (Lunenburg, 2011, p. 1). It also influences employees’ efforts and perseverance when taking on and learning new tasks (Lunenburg, 2011).

Sometimes you have to expend energy to gain energy. Conflict robs individuals and organizations of precious energy. Mastering conflict resolution skills takes energy initially but can save energy in the long run through reduced stress and improved relationships and productivity.

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To reap the benefits of resolving conflict, certain helpful skills must be applied, and there are many conflict resolution skills that are effective for the workplace.

Below are skills believed to be crucial for resolving conflict.

1. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is described by Goleman (1995, p. 43) as “recognizing a feeling as it happens.” Goleman states that people with high self-awareness have moment-to-moment awareness and navigate life adeptly.

2. Self-control

Self-control is the ability to manage unruly impulses and emotions effectively. Because emotions play a central role in conflict, the ability to stay composed despite heightened emotions is essential to constructive resolution.

3. Assertive communication

Bolton (1986) describes assertive communication as a dynamic communication style in which the speaker maintains self-respect, expresses personal needs, and defends their own rights without abusing or dominating others.

While an aggressive communication style may shut down a conversation, assertiveness encourages dialogue. This skill takes practice and courage. Bolton (1986) asserts that less than 5% of the population communicates assertively.

4. Collaboration

According to Folger, Poole, and Stutman (2009), the goal of collaboration is to consider all the important needs of the primary parties and develop a solution that meets these needs.

5. Problem-solving

Problem-solving in relation to conflict resolution is a strategy that pursues alternative solutions that satisfy the needs and goals of the parties involved (Pruitt & Kim, 2004).

According to Sorensen (2017), empathy is the ability to share and understand the emotions and feelings of others. Our understanding of another person’s perspective can increase the likelihood of emotional connection and collaboration.

7. Listening

Active listening is one of the most underrated and underutilized conflict resolution skills. Listening during conflict achieves key goals, primarily putting an end to cyclical arguing and opening the door to empathy and understanding.

The conflict resolution method

This simple, three-step formula for conflict resolution works well for conflicts involving values and intense emotions.

Step 1: Engage with the other respectfully

Respect is an attitude shown through specific behaviors, such as how you look at the other person, how you listen, your tone of voice, and word choices.

Step 2: Listen fully until you experience their side

The goal of listening in this manner is to understand the content of the other person’s ideas or contributions, what it means for them, and their feelings about it.

Step 3: Verbalize your feelings, views, and needs

Assertive communication works well in this stage. Some caveats accompany this stage of conflict resolution:

• This step is not always necessary.
• Make your statement brief.
• Avoid loaded words.
• Be truthful and concise.
• Disclose your feelings.

Collaborative problem-solving

Bolton (1986) provides a six-step outline for collaboration when the issue is more about needs than emotions.

• Define the primary needs surrounding the conflict.
• Brainstorm possible solutions.
• Choose solutions that meet the needs of both parties.
• Create an agenda delineating who will assume each task.
• Implement the plan.
• Evaluate the solutions and reevaluate if needed.

The conflict resolution method and collaborative problem-solving are generalized approaches to conflict resolution when two or more parties are willing to work together on an issue.

Lipsky, Seeber, and Fincher (2003) provide approaches to work through issues that erupt in work settings.

1. The open door policy

This generalized philosophy is intended to show that management supports open dialogue and encourages staff to discuss differences that arise in the workplace. It is considered an initial step toward conflict resolution.

2. Ombudspersons

These are neutral or impartial managers who provide informal and confidential assistance to staff and management in order to resolve work-related disputes. Ombudspersons may wear a variety of hats, including mediator, fact-finder, consultant, and change agent.

3. Internal peer mediation

Some organizations call on designated employees as mediators to help resolve conflict. This method often addresses issues of a non-statutory nature, such as unfairness.

The success of this method rests on the careful selection of peer mediators based on their exemplary communication skills and abilities.

4. Professional mediators

Professional mediators are not connected with the organization in any way and function as independent, impartial, third parties who assist the primary parties through a formal mediation process.

Mediation is a viable option for creating structure to conflict resolution in an unbiased manner.

5. Peer review and employee appeals

This process is sometimes used by manufacturing organizations in an effort to avoid a union process. The underlying belief is that if at all possible, employee disputes should be resolved internally.

6. Executive panels

This method provides an opportunity for employees to present their claims to a panel of the organization’s senior executives, assuming they will be objective and sympathetic.

Using tools such as questionnaires, activities, and assessments can help employees work through conflict by adding insight and skills to the equation. Let’s look at some such tools.

2 Tools for groups

Often, people haven’t been taught the skills to discuss issues calmly and productively. The following worksheets can be used to provide structure to conflict.

Reviewing these worksheets before conflict erupts is a great opportunity to open a conversation and agree upon a conflict resolution process before matters spiral out of control.

The Remaining Calm During Conflict – I worksheet helps clients walk through conflict, providing tips on how to perceive conflict and deal with emotional reactions.

The Remaining Calm During Conflict – II worksheet encourages clients to journal about times when they did and did not remain calm during a workplace conflict.

2 Effective questionnaires

This self-assessment provided by CINERGY™ can be used to broaden the scope of awareness of ourselves and others, particularly during conflict. The assessment measures an individual’s current level of conflict intelligence.

This Conflict Management Styles Assessment , made available by the Blake Group, allows clients to uncover their primary conflict style and includes a description of the five conflict management styles.

A look at meditation for conflict resolution

This video provides an insightful awareness of our own habitual patterns and how these manifest in us and others during conflict.

Here is another recommended video that helps visualize how to prepare for conflict and build boundaries with others in a calm manner.

The Two Dollar Game

The Two Dollar Game was developed to help employees learn basic conflict styles and the art of negotiation in a fun, thoughtful way.

Conflict Description Template

This conflict management template created by the University of Iowa is intended to deal with conflict in a university setting but can easily apply to other teams or departments and used as an intuitive conflict mapping guide.

Coping With Stress in the Workplace Workbook by Ester Leutenberg and John Liptak

This workbook by Leutenberg and Liptak contains activities, assessments, journaling prompts, and educational handouts that can be photocopied and used to address conflict in the workplace.

Chapters contain resources about how to deal with workplace stress , different personalities, work habits, and relationships.

Online tools and resources for conflict resolution

The website Online Master of Legal Studies includes a wealth of Free Tools and Resources for Conflict Resolution . Some resources have been incorporated into this blog.

The wide variety of resources include a Cost of Conflict Calculator and tools to enhance cross-cultural communication.

Role-play activity

In this Assertive Message Role-Play , participants are presented with various workplace scenarios and encouraged to formulate assertive messages to initiate a discussion about the problem at hand.

1. People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts – Robert Bolton

Some books are classics.

This one has been used for years to help guide individuals through the communication and conflict resolution process.

It’s a great resource for anyone interested in building robust interpersonal skills.

Find the book on Amazon .

2. The Big Book of Conflict Resolution Games: Quick, Effective Activities to Improve Communication, Trust and Collaboration – Mary Scannell

This is a useful resource for incorporating activities and games to help employees listen to each other, engage productively, and create a culture of respect.

Topics include conflict, communication, diversity, trust, perspectives, emotional intelligence, and collaboration.

3. Emerging Systems for Managing Workplace Conflict – David Lipsky, Ronald Seeber, and Richard Fincher

The authors walk readers through the emergence of conflict in the workplace by creating dispute resolution systems for integration in a corporate setting.

This is a helpful resource for managers and corporate leaders interested in reducing the corporate costs of conflict.

4. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High – Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

Crucial Conversations is a New York Times bestseller that provides tools to traverse difficult and important conversations.

Ideas discussed in this book can help transform your career, organization, and community.

Readers learn how to listen and speak in ways that create safety and inclusion.

• Assertive Communication This worksheet helps clients learn the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication. Assertive communication is essential for expressing our needs and opinions, and defending our rights in a direct and respectful manner.
• Active Listening Reflection Worksheet Use this worksheet to help clients sharpen listening skills essential for conflict resolution.

The worksheet reviews eight essential skills for active listening and includes a reflection exercise to evaluate which skills we use effectively and which can be strengthened.

• Blindfold Guiding Exercise This exercise can be used as an icebreaker or as part of a  team-building exercise when members are struggling with trust issues.

Trust is a crucial element of team stability and is essential when conflict erupts. In this exercise, one person leads a blindfolded partner using simple statements. As trust builds, the duo can be instructed to speed up, slow down, or attempt to lead with silence.

• Generating Alternative Solutions and Better Decision-Making This worksheet provides a map to work through problem-solving by considering three solutions to a specific issue accompanied by a discussion on the efficacy, do-ability, and effectiveness of the identified solution.
• 17 Positive Communication Exercises If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, check out this collection of 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners . Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

Conflict divides. The effects of poorly handled conflict range from disruptive to destructive. It robs individuals and organizations of precious resources, such as energy, productivity, peace, and harmony.

Regardless of our station in life, we all still have lessons to learn.

Will we ever be free of conflict? Perhaps we can look at it another way. As we gain skills and experience successes resolving conflict, we can anticipate the next conflict and the next lesson, mindful of the potential wisdom and strengths we’ll gain in the process.

Are you facing an unresolved conflict at work or in your personal life? Try not to be discouraged; instead, think of it as your next life lesson waiting to be discovered.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Work & Career Coaching Exercises for free .

• Arslan, C., Hamarta, E., & Usla, M. (2010). The relationship between conflict communication, self-esteem and life satisfaction in university students.  Educational Research and Reviews ,  5 (1), 31–34.
• Bolton, R. (1986). People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflict . Touchstone.
• Cloke, K. (2011). Untitled [Keynote Speaker]. In 24th Residential Institute – Winter 2011 . Nova Southeastern University.
• Folger, J. P., Poole, M. S., & Stutman, R. K. (2009). Working through conflict: Strategies for relationships, groups, and organizations . Pearson Education.
• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ . Bantam Books.
• Kauth, K. (2020, January). Cost of workplace conflict . Mediate.com. Retrieved November 27, 2021, from https://www.mediate.com/articles/kauth-cost-workplace.cfm
• Leaf, C. (2008). Who switched off my brain? Controlling toxic thoughts and emotions . Thomas Nelson.
• Leutenberg, E. R. A., & Liptak, J. J. (2014).  Coping with stress in the workplace workbook.  Whole Person Associates.
• Lipsky, D. B., Seeber, R. L., & Fincher, R. D. (2003). Emerging systems for managing workplace conflict . Jossey-Bass.
• Lunenburg, F. C. (2011). Self-efficacy in the workplace: Implications for motivation and performance. International Journal of Management, Business, and Administration , 14 (1), 1–6.
• Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2011).  Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high  (2nd ed.). McGraw Hill.
• Pruitt, D. G., & Kim, S. H. (2004). Social conflict: Escalation, stalemate, and settlement (3rd ed.). McGraw Hill.
• Scannell, M. (2010).  The big book of conflict resolution games: Quick, effective activities to improve communication, trust and collaboration.  McGraw Hill.
• Sexton, M., & Orchard, C. (2016). Understanding healthcare professionals’ self-efficacy to resolve interprofessional conflict. Journal of Interprofessional Care , 30 (3), 316–323.
• Sorensen, M. S. (2017). I hear you: The surprisingly simple skill behind extraordinary relationships . Autumn Creek Press.
• Wilmot, W., & Hocker, J. (2011). Interpersonal conflict (8th ed.). McGraw Hill.

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27 Conflict Resolution Skills to Use with Your Team and Your Customers

Published: June 28, 2023

As much as we'd all love to work in an organization that's free from disagreements and conflicts, we know that we can't. That's why conflict resolution skills are a must.

Conflict is a type of communication that helps us collaborate to solve problems and better our environments so we can thrive within them. But even with that said, many of us still fear conflict.

In this blog post, we'll review different conflict management skills and conflict resolution strategies you can use to navigate a conflict you may be experiencing right now (or in the future).

Table of Contents

What is conflict resolution?

Conflict management skills, conflict resolution skills, conflict resolution strategies, conflict resolution examples.

Conflict resolution is the process in which two or more parties work toward a solution to a problem or dispute. The parties involved work together in a productive way to achieve a result that satisfies everyone involved.

This video talks all about what conflict resolution means and how you can better navigate workplace conflict.

Conflict management can be approached using a variety of different styles. While these styles may differ, every method utilizes the same management skills.

Below are some of the core skills and characteristics that you'll need to adopt if you want to effectively manage workplace conflicts.

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1. Active Listening

Active listening focuses on being attentive to what the other person has to say.

This skill is commonly used by salespeople to better connect with customers during a pitch, but it's also a universal competency that any consummate professional should master.

To practice active listening, the most important thing you can do is have an open mind (and open ears!). Additionally, be sure to ask questions when you're confused about a point and focus on identifying the other person's goals.

Pro tip: When dealing with conflict, try to make note of the other person's phrasing. Then, respond using their same wording. This demonstrates that you were listening and helps clear up any confusion about the points being discussed.

2. Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence describes the ability to perceive and understand other peoples' emotions as well as your own.

This skill is essential when managing conflict because it prevents the situation from escalating. If you can effectively interpret your opposition's emotions, it'll be easier to communicate with them without provoking them.

Pro tip: Recognizing and curtailing confusion, anger, and frustration from the conflict leaves space for everyone involved to think creatively and logically about a solution.

3. Patience

Conflicts are rarely simple to overcome. If they were, there wouldn't be thousands of people searching for "conflict resolution" on the internet each month.

Conflict resolution is so difficult because people don't like to be wrong and will often hold their stance on an issue because of it. If you're looking to resolve a conflict with a person like this, you'll need patience.

It's important to keep in mind that the problem may not be solved right away, even if the solution is obvious. Ideally, you'll want to take the time to listen to every participant and value each argument evenly.

Pro tip: Even if there's a clear answer, rushing to a resolution can make people feel like they're left out in the decision-making process. Take the time to equally consider all options — it'll save you the headache later.

4. Impartiality

Another reason conflicts can be difficult to resolve is because they don't always stay focused on the conflict itself.

The conflict can sometimes serve as an opportunity to air previous grievances that have developed between the involved parties over time. Now, the problem at hand can't be resolved until the historical issues are addressed.

In this type of situation, it's best to separate the conflict from the people who are involved with it. Don't focus on the people and their personal characteristics.

Instead, look at the problem itself and center your energy on finding a solution.

Pro tip: While it might be important to work through those past issues at some point, don't deprioritize the situation at hand now to solve the older ones. Remember the mantra: important vs. urgent .

5. Positivity

It's hard to come to agree on a solution if no one is happy about it.

Even if you do agree, a half-hearted compromise doesn't motivate you to actually follow through on your end of the bargain. This can even provide a participant with an excuse to avoid dealing with the conflict altogether.

Being positive with your conflict management actions is a great way to keep the conversation moving forward. Conflicts are full of roadblocks and you'll need to be willing to overcome them if you want to come to a resolution.

Pro tip: Having a positive attitude going into the conflict can help other participants who may be wary of the interaction feel more at ease.

6. Open Communication

Relationships between the people involved in a conflict don't always go back to normal when a problem is resolved. This relationship needs to be nurtured after a solution is found in order to prevent future issues from arising.

If new challenges arise, a precedent of open communication should make it easier for participants to address the roadblock without risking any progress they've previously made.

Pro tip: An open line of communication is the best approach for fostering a healthy, long-term relationship. This allows both parties to check in on one another and make sure that both ends of the agreement are being upheld.

While understanding these skills can help you and your team manage conflicts and prevent them from escalating, it's important to understand how you can apply them in action when a conflict emerges.

In the next section, we break down some of the ways you can use these skills to produce effective resolutions to conflict.

• Use 'yes, and' statements.
• Don't point fingers.
• Let the person explain themselves, and actively listen.
• Use 'I' statements.
• Maintain a calm tone.
• Show a willingness to compromise or collaborate.
• Don't talk behind people's backs.
• Don't take anything personally.
• Pay close attention to nonverbal communication.
• Prioritize resolving the conflict over being right.
• Know when to apologize and forgive.
• Focus on the conflict at hand and not past ones.
• Use humor, when appropriate.
• Remember the importance of the relationship.

The management skills that we listed above are crucial for conflict resolution because they help produce effective, long-term solutions.

Applying these skills at the right time and in the right situation will help reduce miscommunication and create more opportunities for participants to reach common ground.

If you're not quite sure how you can best use these skills to resolve your disputes, take a look at these tips we recommend considering when approaching your next conflict.

1. Use 'yes, and' statements.

In any conflict, whether it be professional or personal, it's easy to jump to the defense. Your banter might include a series of "no's" and "yes, but" statements which might come across as uncooperative.

Rather than getting defensive about an attack on your argument, take it as an opportunity to see things from a different point of view. You don't have to agree with that person, but you can try to understand where they're coming from.

Pro tip: Try changing those "I hear you, but" statements into "Yes, I understand, and" statements that build off one another, rather than tearing each other down.

2. Don't point fingers.

On the opposite side, jumping on the offensive is also disrespectful. Being on the offensive creates a negative foundation that makes it nearly impossible to find a solution.

Don't put blame on others or create a space in which someone feels unsafe to voice their opinion.

Pro tip: The best way to solve a conflict is by allowing each person to frame their argument without being blamed or shut down. After all, you wouldn't appreciate the same being done to you, either.

3. Let the person explain themselves, and actively listen.

Listening is a huge aspect of conflict resolution that's typically overlooked.

It might seem imperative to get your voice in as much as possible so you can explain every little detail of your argument and try as hard as you can to get the opposing party to see your side.

But don't let this idea tempt you. The temporary satisfaction of "airing it out" isn't worth it in the long run.

Pro tip: Let the other person explain themselves, uninterrupted. You may find that you misinterpreted their original argument and you'll be more equipped to handle compromising or collaborating on a new solution.

4. Use 'I' statements.

Similar to pointing fingers, a series of statements that begin with "you" can come across as blaming.

Conflict shouldn't be about what the other person is doing wrong. It's about what you believe you're doing right and how to get the other side to understand.

Thus, using "I" statements make your argument more about your emotions, opinions, personal beliefs, and morals, rather than about all the things you don't like about the opposing party.

No one can disagree with opinions or feelings you believe or standby, plus they make for a more respectful debate that reminds all parties that cognitively complex humans are involved.

Pro tip: Use "I feel like I'm not getting the chance to explain myself" rather than "You're not listening to me" or something similar. This strategy can really transform your conversation.

5. Maintain a calm tone.

You'll benefit from remaining level-headed in order to think rationally about a solution that appeases both parties. This can be a tough one because it's not always easy to hear your tone from someone else's perspective.

Because of this, there's one trick you can practice to avoid having a discourteous tone when mitigating conflicts.

When you enter the conflict resolution meeting, you should be calm and ready to discuss with consideration for differing perspectives.

Pro tip: Wait until you've let out your emotions before you plan a time to meet and discuss with the opposing party. You're allowed to yell, cry, vent, or whatever else you need before the conversation takes place — but not during it.

6. Show a willingness to compromise or collaborate.

Depending on the situation, other conflict management styles may be more effective.

• For smaller, trivial conflicts, avoiding them may make sense.
• An accommodating style may work when the other party seems to care much more about the solution than you do.
• A compromising style could be the choice when there is limited time to make a decision and you simply need to put your foot down.

However, in most other significant conflicts, it's essential to come to some sort of agreement between both parties.

Show the opposing party that, as much as you care about the conflict and presenting your side, you care more about coming to a solution that is productive for everyone involved.

Pro tip: Sometimes you'll simply need to let go of your pride and your grip on your argument. It's easier said than done, but it'll get you one step closer to a resolution.

7. Don't talk behind people's backs.

What happens between you and the opposing party should stay between you and them, unless it's absolutely necessary to divulge the details of your conflict.

But when's a good time to share the details of a conflict?

Believe it or not, there's a golden rule about sharing sensitive information like conflict resolutions — share up, not out or down.

This means that if you feel comfortable and if it's significant to your role, you can confide in your supervisor or someone in a higher position than you about the conflict.

They can help you navigate the situation and help you form a support system for future conflicts that may arise.

This also means that you should never share the details with a colleague in a similar role or someone subordinate to you as they aren't likely able to offer this same level of support.

Conflict resolution should always be built on honesty with one another and trust that what was said will remain confidential.

While you may sometimes have the urge to vent, consider other options to do so that won't affect the reputation of that person.

Pro tip: Alternatively, you could write out your feelings in a journal or talk to someone outside of work who has no ties to that person and keep their name anonymous. This way, you can protect the privacy of the conversation.

8. Don't take anything personally.

A conflict with a customer or team member is typically not a conflict with you, personally. It usually involves policies that you as an employee must adhere to or even unvoiced expectations that other people have for your role or profession.

Thus, a conflict that emerges is rarely ever an attack on you as an individual.

Many people get defensive or upset or refuse to budge on an argument because they cling to their viewpoint as a part of themselves. Try to avoid this.

Pro tip: If you can learn to separate yourself from the conflict, it will be a lot easier to accept compromise or a collaborated solution that is, at the end of the day, better for all parties involved.

9. Pay close attention to nonverbal communication.

Not everyone is great at handling conflict head-on. These are the people who might typically lean towards avoiding or accommodating conflict management styles.

Basically, these people don't like conflict and won't always be transparent with you about what they want or need. In these situations, it's important to pay attention to their nonverbal communication.

When someone says "I'm fine," you can tell they're not fine if they avert their eyes. Then, you can create an environment that makes that person feel more comfortable being honest with you.

Pro tip: Body language can tell you when someone is saying one thing but means another. By being emotionally aware , you can notice when someone's posture, gestures, or facial expressions differ from their words.

10. Prioritize resolving the conflict over being right.

A conflict in the workplace is typically one that involves more than just yourself.

Perhaps it's a frustrating call with an angry customer or an issue with a policy change implemented by your manager. Whatever it may be, the situation goes beyond you.

Thus, when you're trying to resolve the conflict, you might need to take a step back and assess the situation in such a way. Conflict resolution is occasionally about making those sacrifices.

Pro tip: Try to r ecognize that, even if you have a strong opinion on one end of the spectrum, it might be beneficial to wave the white flag if it ultimately improves the conditions for everyone else.

11. Know when to apologize and forgive.

Two of the hardest words to say are, "I'm sorry." It's not easy to apologize when you feel like you were right all along.

Don't let pride deter you from making amends with the opposing party.

Pro tip: In an instance when the other person might be responsible for apologizing to you, you may feel too riled up to forgive. But remember, these relationships are professional, first. Focus on that.

12. Focus on the conflict at hand and not past ones.

In attempting to resolve a conflict, you may start getting frustrated with the other person.

This can bring up memories of past conflicts you've had with that person. And, in the heat of the moment, it can feel like the perfect time to bring those up, too.

Any pent-up frustrations about past conflicts that were never resolved should not be brought up later on when trying to resolve a different conflict. The time has passed, and it's important to remain in the present.

Pro tip: I like to consider a 48-hour rule . If a conflict emerges or there's something that bothers you about someone else, you should reach out and ask to discuss it within 48 hours. Once that time frame has passed, let it go.

13. Use humor, when appropriate.

Using humor to lighten the mood during conflict resolution is only appropriate in conflicts that are not personal. You never want to offend someone by making a joke about a sensitive topic.

Instead, consider humor to be a tool to make you both loosen up and feel more comfortable discussing a solution.

Pro tip: Read the opposing party, and use your best judgment to decide if humor is something they would appreciate. Sometimes, that's all it takes to end an argument and turn it into a constructive conversation.

14. Remember the importance of the relationship.

At the end of the day, a conflict is usually one small roadblock in an otherwise healthy relationship.

Whether you need to remember the good times or change the scenery and discuss a different topic, try to remember how the relationship was prior to the conflict and operate within that headspace as you reach common ground.

Now that we've reviewed conflict resolution skills, let's take a look at a few strategies that can help you put these skills to good use.

The Thomas-Kilmann Model of conflict resolution describes five strategies for addressing conflict. The five strategies lie on two axes: assertive and cooperative.

Each of the strategies ranges between assertiveness and unassertiveness and cooperative and uncooperative. No strategy is right or wrong, there's an appropriate time to use each one.

1. Accommodating

The accommodating style is commonly seen when people want to be unassertive and cooperative. Not every conflict needs to be a war — conflicts worth accommodating are those battles that are strategically lost to win the war.

Here's an example:

Let's say a colleague or customer complains about a process, but not an outcome. Perhaps you ran a report that yielded the results the other party needed, but the report was in PDF form and not Excel.

The other person didn't specify a preference but took issue with the delivery. By simply accommodating the request, you prove to be a helpful, solutions-oriented team member. Plus, you'll get bonus points if you deliver the correct report quickly.

2. Avoiding

The avoiding conflict strategy is reserved for individuals who are more inclined to be unassertive and uncooperative in mitigating conflict.

Generally, this is an apathetic approach — people who adopt this strategy want no parts of the conflict and would rather wait for it to blow over.

This strategy is best for small annoyances, one-off mistakes, and issues that would otherwise be worsened by addressing them.

A conflict you might avoid in the workplace is when someone drinks the last of the water from the water cooler without replacing the water container.

If it's a one-time issue, leave it be. It's likely not worth the 2-minute discussion in the all-hands meeting.

3. Collaborating

If you want to keep a relationship intact and find a solution that works for everyone, try the collaborative style of conflict resolution.

This strategy is both cooperative and assertive which means that all parties will be heard and the solution that is chosen should work well for everyone.

A conflict you might collaborate on at work is a process between two separate teams. Perhaps the sales team needs to hand off customers to the support team once the deal is closed, but customers aren't being contacted after the handoff.

The two teams may collaborate to streamline the workflow. The sales team may stagger the deals they close so that support can keep up with the demand. It's a win-win for both parties.

4. Competing

Assertive and uncooperative, the competing conflict style is an intense approach to resolving grievances.

It's not uncommon for a competing conflict resolution strategy to yield a positive outcome for one party and a negative outcome for the other. This strategy isn't one to make new friends, so tread lightly.

You might see a competing conflict management strategy used when negotiating deals. Lawyers may use this strategy to get the best legal outcome for their client at the expense of the other party.

A competing strategy works here because it's highly unlikely that the lawyer will cross paths with the opposing party again, so there's no relationship to maintain or salvage later.

5. Compromising

People tend to compromise during conflicts when they are assertive and cooperative in negotiating a solution.

This strategy may sound harsh, but it's usually employed when time is of the essence and there's no time to hear everyone's concerns or opinions.

The compromise is based on the most important and urgent facts that can bring about a decision that works for the time being.

A team might compromise on a solution to cancel an event at the last minute due to issues with the venue. While it may not be the best solution for revenue, prolonging the conflict doesn't help the situation.

So a compromise to cancel the event and figure the rest out later is the best solution for customers, employees, and vendors.

In addition to these five conflict resolution strategies, the following two tips can accompany any of the above to reach a resolution.

Tip 1: Set boundaries.

Before diving head-first into the conflict discussion, establish boundaries upfront for all parties to follow. These might include the following:

• Reminding everyone that the conflict is not personal
• Asking everyone to keep the discussion confidential
• Trusting everyone to manage their emotions and not make outburst, hurtful remarks, or make untrue statements

Tip 2: Have a third-party weigh-in.

In some cases, the conflict may simply be too emotional to address yourself.

If you're afraid of retaliation, discrimination, or other inappropriate or illegal ramifications for addressing conflict, it may help to have a third-party weigh in to address, or at least mediate, the conflict on your behalf.

A neutral third party can either act as a sounding board to retrieve the facts from each party to achieve a resolution, or they may simply guide the conversation and keep time so that you don't waste time having an unproductive conversation.

Next, we've highlighted some conflict resolution examples based on common conflicts in the workplace.

Conflicts can emerge from several different factors including miscommunication, prioritization, and unmet expectations.

Below, we'll describe three scenarios that depict each of these common causes for conflict and how to resolve them with one of the strategies listed above.

Scenario 1: Unmet Expectations

Marcus and Ollie work at TechTak, a start-up that provides marketing and sales solutions to small businesses. They're working on a pitch presentation for their biggest client to date, SaveSend.

The presentation is scheduled for next Thursday with Maria, the program director at Save Send, so it's important that Marcus and Ollie finish it on time.

At the alignment meeting last week, TechTak's client services department head, Riley, delegated the presentation content to Marcus' team and gave the design responsibility to Ollie.

On the Tuesday before the presentation date, Riley sent an email to check the status of the presentation and how well the two teams were working together.

Unfortunately, Ollie hadn't received any content from Marcus' team to design the presentation around. On the other hand, Marcus hadn't received creative direction from Ollie so his team could write enough content.

With Thursday's deadline approaching and no presentation draft in sight, Ollie and Marcus are both frustrated and anxious to complete the project on time. How should both teams resolve this conflict?

Let's look at the facts:

• Time is of the essence and delaying the presentation isn't an option.
• Both Ollie and Marcus need more information to complete their assigned tasks.
• The line of communication has been opened by a third party, Riley.

The Resolution

Based on what we know about each conflict resolution strategy, the collaborative style would work best for this situation. Marcus and Ollie are under a time crunch, and the work will need to be done in the next two days.

They can use Riley as a neutral third party to help them outline the specifications of the project and assign strict deadlines that both parties can agree on.

Scenario 2: Out of Order

Brenda and Candace both work as administrative assistants for the local credit union MetroMoney. Their roles are highly dependent upon one another, and as a result, they've become good friends both at work and in their personal lives.

At MetroMoney, Brenda focuses on scheduling appointments for new members to open accounts while Candace prepares the documents they'll need to sign when they arrive.

Due to the nature of the role, Brenda's workflow moves much faster than Candace's. Brenda can schedule about 10 appointments each day while Candace can prepare about five document packages in her shift.

Occasionally, some customer's documents aren't prepared at the time of their appointment as Candace prepares documents in the order that appointments are set, not the date on which they're scheduled.

On this particular day, Brenda asked Candace to expedite the documents for two customers who were set to arrive soon. Candace responded that she couldn't because her cadence would be out of order.

Instead, she asked Brenda to reschedule the customers' appointments for a week later when their documents would be ready.

How can Brenda and Candace work together to make sure the customers will have their documents when they arrive at their appointment?

• Brenda and Candace both have goals to achieve each day, neither of which can be ignored completely.
• Timing is important, but there is some wiggle room for both parties to work within.
• If the customers' documents aren't ready, they won't be able to open their accounts, which affects the bottom line for both Brenda and Candace.

We know that Brenda and Candace have a strong relationship and some leeway in solving this issue, so they could collaborate to solve the conflict.

By asserting their needs and cooperating with each other, Brenda can reschedule the customers' appointments for the end of the week, and Candace can reorganize her workload to prioritize their documents first.

The benefit of collaborating on this resolution is that both Brenda and Cadance can maintain their otherwise seamless working relationship without any hard feelings later on.

Scenario 3: The Interview

Sadie is applying for a role as a customer service representative at Humbolt Hardware, a hardware subscription service for DIY home renovators.

Jim, the hiring manager, scheduled her interview for Wednesday at noon and Sadie agreed to arrive at that time.

On Wednesday, Sadie logged in to Zoom for her interview with Jim, but ten minutes passed and he didn't show up or respond to her email asking if he could still make it.

An hour later, Jim responds to Sadie's email saying he's online and ready for the interview.

Sadie was unavailable and didn't see the email until later that evening. When she responded, they both realized that they were operating in two different time zones, and neither of them confirmed which one.

Jim, unfortunately, doesn't have any openings available to reschedule the interview tomorrow and Sadie is frustrated with the process thus far.

How should Sadie and Jim proceed?

• Sadie is applying for a role and is willing to be flexible to secure the job with Humbolt Hardware, but she still wants to make the most of her time during the interview process.
• Jim's schedule is busy and he has several interviews scheduled aside from Sadie's.
• Neither Sadie nor Jim intended to miscommunicate the time of the interview and both made an effort to show up at the time they thought was correct.

The accommodating conflict resolution strategy is the most applicable in this situation. The bright side is, both individuals have some motivation to accommodate the other person.

Sadie wants to put her best foot forward and be a stand-out candidate for the role. Jim wants to vet all the candidates and fill the role as quickly as possible.

So long as both parties specify the time zone of the interview this time around, they'll have solved the conflict in a way that is amicable and productive.

Manage and Resolve Conflicts Like a Pro

Conflict doesn't have to be a scary eight-letter word.

Addressing conflict is how we strengthen our relationships and express our expectations in relation to those of others.

By understanding the five conflict resolution strategies and applying the skills that make them effective, you'll know exactly when to avoid conflict and when to address it.

Your relationships with your coworkers and customers will be better for it.

Editor's note: This post was originally published in March 2019 and has been updated for comprehensiveness.

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5 conflict resolution skills to help you keep the peace

Conflict in the workplace is inevitable, but with the right processes and skills, you can transform disagreements from problematic to productive.

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Working with other people means navigating different experiences, perspectives, expectations, communication styles, and work approaches. That makes conflict inevitable, and conflict resolution an invaluable interpersonal skill . 

But that’s not necessarily bad news. Research shows that workplace conflict can actually be healthy for teams. So what’s the key to ensuring that disagreements are productive rather than poisonous?

What’s the best approach to conflict resolution?

Empathy is the antidote: conflict resolution at work

Every conflict is unique – and so are the ways individuals respond to them. The Thomas-Kilmann model explains that, generally, there are five ways people tend to react to conflict: 

• Competing: Pursuing your own concerns at the other person’s expense
• Accommodating: Neglecting your own concerns to make the other person happy
• Avoiding: Not pursuing your own concerns or the concerns of the other person
• Collaborating : Digging deep into the conflict to find solutions that fully satisfy each person’s concerns
• Compromising: Finding solutions that partially satisfy both parties (often more realistic and expedient than collaboration)

But while conflicts are nuanced and can be met with varied reactions, they have this in common: They’re a problem to solve. A standard approach to conflict resolution can be boiled down to: 

• Understand the root of the disagreement: While it’s tempting to jump right into finding solutions, you first need to understand the problem. Everybody involved in the conflict should come together to explain their side of things. You can use a technique like the 5 whys analysis to go beyond surface-level symptoms and understand the real root of the conflict. 
• Ask for solutions: People want to be involved in solving the problem, not just identifying it. Once everybody agrees on the cause of the conflict, each person involved should have an opportunity to voice solutions. Your goal here isn’t to reach consensus on the way forward – you’re simply giving everybody a chance to share their ideal remedy. 
• Agree on solutions: This is the hard part. With all of the prospective solutions out on the table, all of the involved parties need to negotiate a way forward. That might mean blending different solutions together to find an option that gives everyone involved the most of what they’re looking for. Ultimately, nobody should feel like the “loser” of the conflict. 

5 conflict resolution skills 

Understanding the typical mediation process is helpful, but the right conflict resolution skills will make reaching an agreement even smoother. Here are five that are crucial for successful conflict resolution: 

• Communication : To solve a conflict, people need to understand each other – and that means they each need to be able to clearly communicate their point of view and expectations. Nonverbal communication carries a lot of weight in conflicts too, as cues like posture, gestures, and facial expressions could either strengthen or undermine the points you’re making.
• Active listening: Communication isn’t only about talking – listening matters too. Active listening , in particular, is the most helpful for smooth and respectful conflict resolution. When digging to the root cause of the disagreement, take turns summarizing each other’s perspectives to reach a mutual understanding before trying to find a resolution. 
• Objectivity: Objectivity might seem like something that’s imperative only when you’re mediating a conflict that you aren’t directly involved in. But, as challenging as it is, it can also be a boost when resolving disagreements that directly impact you. Objectivity allows you to see things with a more balanced point of view, as opposed to setting up a narrative in which you’re the hero and the other person is the villain. 
• Empathy: If you think achieving objectivity is impossible, empathy can help you understand and rationalize how other parties in the conflict feel. When you take some time to actually connect with other feelings and perspectives, it’s easier to approach the conflict with a productive and collaborative mindset. 
• Emotional intelligence: As the Cleveland Clinic explains , successful conflict resolution depends on your ability to regulate stress and other emotions. That’s why emotional intelligence – the ability to recognize and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others – is so crucial for effectively resolving a conflict. 

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Problem-Solving

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Observation

Self-awareness, team awareness.

• Active Listening: A manager is in a meeting with a team member who is expressing frustration over a new project. The manager uses active listening skills to fully understand the team member’s concerns by asking clarifying questions, paraphrasing and showing empathy.
• Problem-Solving: A manager is trying to resolve a conflict between two departments over the use of a shared resource. The manager uses problem-solving skills to identify the root cause of the conflict, generate potential solutions, and evaluate the pros and cons of each option.
• Negotiation: A manager is trying to resolve a conflict between a customer and a sales representative over a product issue. The manager uses negotiation skills to find a compromise that satisfies both parties by identifying the underlying interests of each party and proposing a win-win solution.
• Observation and team awareness: A manager notices that there is a lot of tension and disagreements among the team members. The manager finds out that the team members are not aware of each other’s strengths and weaknesses, which is causing confusion and misunderstandings. The manager facilitates team-building activities to help team members understand and appreciate each other’s skills and work styles. As a result, the team members start to communicate more effectively, and conflicts are reduced.
• Develop Self-Awareness:  Reflect on your triggers, biases, and emotional responses to conflicts. Understand your communication style and how it might affect conflict dynamics.
• Stay Calm:  Maintain emotional control during conflicts. Take deep breaths and practice relaxation techniques to prevent emotional reactions from escalating.
• Seek Common Ground:  Identify shared goals or interests that both parties can agree on. Finding common ground can provide a foundation for resolving differences.
• Focus on Solutions:  Shift the focus from blame to finding solutions. Collaboratively brainstorm possible resolutions that address the core issues.
• Effective Communication:  Use “I” statements to express your feelings and perspective without accusing others. Be clear and specific in your communication to avoid misunderstandings.
• Empathy and Perspective-Taking:  Put yourself in the shoes of the other party. Understand their feelings and motivations to show genuine empathy.
• Timing:  Choose the right time and place for discussions. Avoid addressing conflicts when tensions are high or during busy periods.

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Effective communication skills: resolving conflicts .

Even the happiest of relationships experience conflicts and problems (Markman, Stanley, Blumberg, Jenkins & Whiteley, 2004). If handled well, issues provide opportunities for personal and relationship growth. There are many skills that can help individuals seeking to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. One of the greatest skills that aids in conflict resolution is effective communication.

Common Conflicts

Issues, or conflicts, in relationships consist of any situation, event or experience that is of concern or importance to those involved. A variety of factors lead to conflict, some of which include topics such as money, children, and in-laws, personal issues such as selfesteem, values, expectations, or goals, or relational issues such as the amount of together time versus alone time, support versus control, affection, and communication (Miller & Miller, 1997). While there are seemingly endless reasons for conflicts, they generally surround the underlying needs of all humans including physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual (Miller & Miller, 1997; Townsend, 2010). Most importantly, how we approach and communicate about these issues often determines the outcome.

Conflicts in Communication

Most people know that in order to resolve conflicts, we need to communicate about the issue; but negative patterns of communication can often lead to greater frustration and escalation of conflict. Consider the following communication challenges:

Body Language/Tone of Voice

Communication is more than the words we choose to use. In fact, our body language and tone of voice often speak louder than our words. For example, shouting “I’m not angry” is not a very convincing message! When we give an incongruent message where our tone of voice and body language does not match our message, confusion and frustration often follow (Gottman & DeClaire, 2001). In order to overcome this communication challenge, we need to be aware of what messages our body language and tone of voice may be sending others. Speak calmly, give eye contact, smile when appropriate, and maintain an open and relaxed posture (Paterson, 2000).

Differences in Style

Each of us has a unique way of communicating, often based on our family experiences, culture, gender and many other factors (Markman et al., 2004; Miller & Miller, 1997). For example, we may tend to be more loud, outgoing, or emotional when compared to our partner. While there is no right or wrong style, our past experiences often lead to expectations that are not usually verbally communicated with others, which can cause tension and misunderstandings in relationships. For example, if we came from a large family that tended to shout in order to be heard, we may think that speaking loudly is normal. But if our partner came from a calmer family environment, he/she may be uncomfortable or even frightened by a raised voice (Markman et al., 2004).

Discussing our backgrounds and perceptions can help to clarify expectations to ourselves and others and can also help our partner to understand our point of view. Knowing this information can often help in the problem solving process.

Communication Roadblocks

Communication roadblocks occur when two people talk in such a way that neither one feels understood. Research has found four particularly negative styles of communication, often referred to as the “four horsemen of the apocalypse,” (Gottman, 1999, p.27) because if left unchecked, these styles of interaction can eventually become lethal to relationships. These styles are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (Gottman, 1999).

• Criticism attacks the character or personality of another. While it is normal to have complaints about another’s specific actions, it is very different to put them down as a person because of those actions. For example, a complaint might be, “I felt worried when you did not call to tell me that you were going to be home late.” A criticism in the same situation would be expressed as “You are so inconsiderate, you never call me when you are going to be late.” Critiques focus on certain behaviors; criticism negatively focuses on the person’s intentions and character.
• Contempt portrays disgust and a lack of respect for the other person through body language, such as eye rolling or sneering, or by name calling, sarcasm and cutting remarks.
• Defensiveness is a seemingly understandable reaction that individuals take to criticism and contempt; however, it often escalates the conflict. When we are defensive, we tend to stop listening to the other’s viewpoint and communication is shut down.
• Stonewalling is withdrawing from communication and refusing to engage in discussion. In other words, it is the adult version of the “silent treatment” that young children utilize when they are upset. Conflict resolution is impossible without communication!

Some additional examples of communication roadblocks include (Miller & Miller, 1997):

• Ordering (“Stop complaining!”)
• Warning (“If you do that, you’ll be sorry.”)
• Preaching (“You shouldn’t act like that.”)
• Advising (“Just wait a couple of years before deciding.”)
• Lecturing (“If you do this now, you won’t grow up to be a responsible adult.”)
• Agreeing, just to keep the peace (“I think you’re right.”)
• Ridiculing (“OK, little baby.”)
• Interpreting (“You don’t really believe that.”)
• Sympathizing (“Don’t worry, it’ll all work out.”)
• Questioning (“Who put that idea into your head?”)
• Diverting (“Let’s talk about something more pleasant.”)

Communication roadblocks are very common; however, they do not promote healthy conflict resolution and often lead to escalation of the conflict. Recognizing these roadblocks and making efforts to effectively communicate can help individuals overcome roadblocks.

Tips to Resolve Conflict

Soften the startup.

One of the skills to overcome communication roadblocks includes a soft startup to the conversation by starting with something positive, expressing appreciation, focusing on problems one at a time and taking responsibility for thoughts and feelings (Gottman, 1999; Gottman & Declaire, 2001; Patterson, 2000). In addition, when expressing the problem, starting the message with “I” instead of “You” can decrease defensiveness and promote positive interactions with others (Darrington & Brower, 2012). For example, “I want to stay more involved in making decisions about money” rather than “You never include me in financial decisions.”

Make and Receive Repair Attempts.

Another important skill in overcoming communication roadblocks is learning to make and receive repair attempts (Gottman, 1999). Repair attempts are efforts to keep an increasingly negative interaction from going any further by taking a break or making efforts to calm the situation. This is important because when conflicts arise, we often experience intense emotional and physical stress that can impact our ability to think and reason, which can lead to communication roadblocks (Gottman & DeClaire, 2001). Taking time away from the conflict (at least 20 minutes) to calm down can help us be more prepared to discuss the issue (Gottman, 1999; Gottman & DeClaire, 2001; Markman et al, 2004).

Effective Speaking and Listening Skills

Overcoming communication roadblocks requires effective speaking and listening skills. Markman, Stanley and Blumberg (2010) share what they call the “speaker-listener” technique to help individuals more effectively communicate. Each partner takes turns being the speaker and the listener.    

The rules for the speaker include (Markman et al., 2004; Markman, Stanley & Blumberg, 2010):

• The speaker should share his/her own thoughts, feelings and concerns—not what he/she thinks the listener’s concerns are.
• Use “I” statements when speaking to accurately express thoughts and feelings.
• Keep statements short, to ensure the listener does not get overwhelmed with information.
• Stop after each short statement so that the listener can paraphrase, or repeat back in his/her own words, what was said to ensure he/she understands. If the paraphrase is not quite right, gently rephrase the statement again to help the listener understand.

The rules for the listener include:

• Paraphrase what the speaker is saying. If unclear, ask for clarification. Continue until the speaker indicates the message was received correctly.
• Don’t argue or give opinion about what the speaker says—wait to do this until you are the speaker, and then do so in a respectful manner.
• While the speaker is talking, the listener should not talk or interrupt except to paraphrase after the speaker.

The speaker and listener should take turns in each role so that each has a chance to express his/her thoughts and feelings. Either can call for a time out at any time. The goal of this activity is not to solve a particular problem, but rather to have a safe and meaningful discussion and to understand each other’s point of view. While we may not always agree with the other’s point of view, understanding and validating other’s thoughts and feelings can improve relationships and help us build on common ground, which may lead to more effective negotiation and problem resolution (Gottman, 1999).

Dealing with conflict can take varying amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy (Miller & Miller, 1997). It can be work! However, learning and implementing a few simple communication skills can increase positive interactions with others. The opportunities for personal and relationship growth are well worth the effort.

For more information or for classes and workshops:

• Go to http://strongermarriage.org for tips, articles, and to find relationship education classes near you.
• Check out your local Extension office for relationship education classes and events. 
• Darrington, J., & Brower, N. (2012). Effective communication skills: “I” messages and beyond. Utah State University Extension. https://extension.usu.edu/htm/publications/publi cation=14541
• Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (2001). The relationship cure: A 5 step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. New York, NY: Three Rivers Press.
• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York, NY: Three Rivers Press.
• Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for your marriage. San Francisco: Jossey Bass.
• Markman, H. J, Stanley, S. M., Blumberg, S. L., Jenkins, N. H., & Whiteley, C. (2004). 12 hours to a great marriage: A step-by-step guide for making love last. San Francisco: Jossey Bass.
• Miller, S., & Miller, P. A. (1997). Core communication: Skills and processes. Evergreen, Co: Interpersonal Communication Programs, Inc.
• Paterson, R. J. (2000). The assertiveness workbook: How to express your ideas and stand up for yourself at work and in relationships. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, Inc.
• Townsend, M. (2010). Starved stuff: Feeding the 7 basic needs of healthy relationships. Townsend Relationship Center.

Naomi Brower,  MFHD, CFLE, Extension Assistant Professor; Jana Darrington,  MS, Extension Assistant Professor

Naomi Brower

Extension Professor | Couple and Family Relationships | Weber County Director

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Top 18 Conflict Resolution Skills Every Leader Needs

What is conflict, what is conflict in the workplace and why does it happen, what are conflict resolution skills, why leaders need conflict resolution skills, conflict resolution leadership qualities , how to resolve conflict, examples of conflict and resolutions , teach your team conflict resolution skills.

A  study  conducted by The Myers-Briggs Company found 85 percent of employees throughout businesses experience conflict. In total, they spend about 2.8 hours a week engaged in it, which shows their leaders lack conflict resolution skills. Profit losses associated with this problem are estimated at around $359 billion. In regards to the report, Jeff Hayes, the CEO of the business that wrote it said, “The question for management, therefore, is not whether it can be avoided or mitigated; the real concern is how conflict is dealt with. If managed improperly, businesses’ productivity, operational effectiveness, and morale take a major hit.” He adds that almost 30 percent of unresolved conflicts turn into personal attacks, while 25 percent of conflicts can escalate into employees avoiding showing up to work. 

Hayes’s points are valid. With varying personalities, beliefs, interests, thought processes, and values,  workplace conflict  is an inevitable part of business. However, it doesn’t always have to be a costly one. In fact, leaders with conflict resolution skills can use points of contention as opportunities for growth and development. 

Learn how to prevent conflict from taking a financial, emotional, and cultural toll on the business and those who work there. Additionally, learn the qualities all leaders need to handle conflict, plus several strategies for navigating heated moments or disagreements with ease. 

Conflict is a process that unfolds when two or more people’s interests are not in alignment with each other. It can also occur due to an individual’s biases, cultural beliefs, social status, and other factors determining which values they prioritize above the ones others might not. However, conflict resolution is not the same as “agreeing to disagree.” It is a more severe event that unfolds in several stages: latent, perceived and felt, conflict approach, stalemate or negotiate, and aftermath. How a person navigates these stages determines whether or not the conflict escalates.

In workplaces, conflicts of interests, desires, opinions, and beliefs can boil over into serious arguments that harm team bonds if they are not dealt with appropriately. These problems mainly occur when people with conflicting points of view must reach an agreement. This is because individuals on teams have different goals and needs that don’t always align.

Conflict also occurs due to poor communication in the workplace. Crossed boundaries and unfulfilled expectations happen when teams don’t make open communication an organizational priority. This leads to hurt feelings, resentment, and festering problems, all of which damage interpersonal relationships. As a result, teams don’t work together in a functional, cohesive, or productive manner. It is much better to create a team culture where people communicate their needs, interests, feelings, thoughts, opinions, and emotions with emotional intelligence, honesty, and transparency.

Conflict resolution skills are the tools that help people handle different types of conflict. Usually, this involves one person leading a discussion that diffuses the situation instead of allowing it to blow up. As they do this, they maintain emotional control during moments of disagreement and lead people toward mediation, negotiation, or compromise. People who deploy these skills keep teams unified, ensuring that debate doesn’t turn into division.

Examples of conflict management skills include:

• Asking thoughtful questions.
• Responding to anger in a calm way.
• Being flexible and coming up with solutions that work for everyone.
• Remaining objective when listening to two parties involved in conflict.
• Treating others with integrity and respect.
• Being patient and not rushing into conclusions.
• Showing forgiveness.
• Maintaining a positive attitude.
• Using humor when it’s appropriate.
• Creating a culture of open communication. 
• Being clear, transparent, and honest. 
• Practicing active listening. 
• Working through stress management tactics. 
• Encouraging collaboration. 
• Finding a compromise. 
• Negotiating with the opposing side. 
• Teaching employees how to problem solve.
• Establishing a team culture founded on accountability and trust. 
• Eliminating language that blames or shames others. 
• Contacting human resources for serious problems you cannot handle alone.

When no one on the team knows how to handle conflict, it’s a guarantee it’ll only get worse. Resolving conflict is one of the core duties in a leader’s career. Stepping up and doing so provides an example of how to navigate conflict as it occurs and ensure it doesn’t lead to a full-fledged fight. In addition to this, leaders are responsible for teaching their team members how to conduct themselves and lead others during the moments they’re not around.

Teaching employees conflict management skills creates leaders at every level and constructs a work environment where people treat one another with respect, kindness, and empathy. These types of work cultures strengthen interpersonal relationships by developing increased feelings of security and trust among workers. This can lead to higher job satisfaction, increased employee retention, greater productivity levels, and unbreakable team bonds (even when conflict occurs).

Deploying these skills isn’t as simple as following a few strategies that dissolve problems. In fact, it takes particular leadership skills and qualities for a person to diffuse heated or challenging situations. Listed below are a few personal characteristics leaders need to work on first to better succeed at conflict management.

1. Curiosity

As mentioned above, conflict often occurs when communication lines are broken. Instead of shutting down or allowing others to, leaders get curious about problems and find a way to connect. One way to do this is by asking clarifying or engaging questions that allow people more space to describe their opinion, emotions, beliefs, or thought processes. This helps individuals better understand and empathize with the place others are coming from.

2. Emotional Intelligence  (EI)

As mentioned above, conflict often occurs when communication lines break. Instead of shutting down or allowing others to, career leaders get curious about problems and find a way to connect. One way to do this is by asking clarifying or engaging questions that enable people to describe their opinions, emotions, beliefs, or thought processes. This helps individuals better understand and empathize with the place others are coming from.

EI is one of the most important traits to have when resolving conflict. EI consists of four different quadrants: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Without knowledge in these particular areas, relationships break down, especially during times of conflict. People who lack EI don’t understand how their thoughts, words, and actions affect others. Because of this, they cannot gain emotional control during sensitive situations that require personal qualities that diffuse rather than instigate conflict. For this reason, EI is a crucial skill leaders can’t brush aside. 

Learn more about how to gain more  emotional intelligence  in the workplace. 

3. Flexibility

Studying various leadership styles and traits equip leaders to handle teams of people. No two employees are exactly alike, which means that leaders need a diverse skill set to lead a group effectively. Practicing  Situational Leadership  is one advantageous way to do this because it pushes leaders to meet an employees’ specific needs. For instance, leaders can avoid conflict by knowing, “This person needs more direction, so I’ll use the telling approach when explaining a project. Otherwise, they’ll feel frustrated when their work isn’t approved.” 

Adaptability is not only necessary in preventing conflict—it’s also needed when handling it, too. For instance, leaders must think on their feet and quickly determine what each person engaged in conflict needs to reach a satisfactory resolution. This requires emotional intelligence, the skill listed above. 

4. Objectiveness

Leaders who steer people toward conflict resolution must remain objective and not participate in fueling one side of the arguing parties. While they might agree with one party over another, they should never join in and heighten tensions between two or more people. Their job is to stop the conflict from getting worse. As referenced above, asking questions and digging deeper into a person’s point of view is one of the best ways to remain neutral during the decision-making process. If you make a choice others don’t agree with, outline the facts and communicate the “why” behind the decision in an informative, emotionally controlled manner.

5. Integrity and Respect

Aligning personal and organizational values with conflict management ensures leaders act with integrity as they handle uncomfortable situations. This might look like not engaging with a person who gets heated and asking them to meet the following day. Doing so gives everyone time to reflect on what was said, how they’re feeling, and where to go next. The point of demonstrating these qualities and using conflict management skills is to lead yourself and others in ways that build and maintain strong interpersonal relationships.

6. Patience

As the old saying goes, “Patience is a virtue.” This is because patience is a rare but valuable ability. When handling conflict, those with patience can set their frustration, anger, or feelings of suffering aside so that the common good prevails. When demonstrating and teaching patience, leaders should be willing to listen to all angles of a conflict, provide a calming presence, and help pull people closer together instead of letting their opposing viewpoints tear them apart.

7. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an act of acceptance that stops conflict from festering and growing. Leaders should model forgiveness and show what it looks like to lead with humility and kindness. Forgiving a person is the same as saying, “I see you, I understand you, and while I might not agree with you or how you acted, I still care about you and want to keep working on building a strong relationship together.”

Forgiveness is important because it also stops negative thought patterns from turning into negative actions. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” When a person feels resentment over the way a person treated them in their career, conflict escalates. The act of forgiveness prevents this from occurring. It allows teammates to move forward instead of dwelling on what happened in the past.

8. Positivity

Leaders are positive thinkers because they know negativity doesn’t help conflict resolution. As Zig Ziglar once said, “Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.” During times of conflict, it can be easy to let your emotions get the best of you, assume people’s intentions, or make a vow in your mind to never mend a relationship with someone opposing you. However, leaders know these types of thoughts aren’t helpful. That’s why they dismiss them and refocus on what they  can  do to make the situation better. 

While it isn’t always an appropriate strategy when dealing with conflict, sometimes humor can break the ice between people. As cited by  The Mayo Clinic , laughing helps reduce tension, anxiety, and stress by “firing up and cooling down” a person’s stress response. This process slows down a person’s heart rate and blood pressure, calming the mind and body. It can also help teams openly communicate in a friendly yet direct manner. 

After a leader gets a firm grasp of the traits above, they will be ready to start implementing different conflict management skills. The suggestions below are some of the top ways to prevent conflict from escalating and causing rifts among team members. Find out more about each strategy listed below.

10. Open Communication

Open communication is a great conflict management tool that prompts people to explain their thoughts, feelings, ideas, and solutions honestly and directly. Speaking this way requires workplace conditions where leaders foster a sense of trust and safety, though. This means executives must ingrain it into the team culture. For example, a CEO might ask team members to voice their opinions during a meeting. At the same time, everyone actively listens to each other, so the group hears and understands each person’s thoughts. 

To communicate during conflict:

• Ask the people involved in the conflict clarifying questions like, “Can you be more specific about what is frustrating you?” or “What concerns do you have that aren’t being addressed?” 
• Encourage them to listen and try to understand the other person’s point of view. 
• Get people to take a break from the situation if it’s too heated. 
• Follow this by asking them to meet back up the next day once they’ve had more time to reflect on what was said. As they’re thinking about how they want to reenter the conversation, tell them to bring back three written points they wish to discuss. This gives the following conversation more focus and eliminates emotional reactions like accusations and assumptions. 

Get more tips on open communication . 

11. Assertive Communication 

Assertive communication is one of the communication skills that force people to be more direct and transparent about the outcomes they want. When used as a conflict management skill, assertive communication should also include proposing solutions and pushing the conversation forward to reach a satisfying end goal. 

When assertively communicating to resolve conflict:

• Set the terms for discussions that could cause conflict during team meetings. This might look like saying, “Everyone has five minutes to discuss their concerns, and then we will take a democratic vote to see which solutions will be implemented.”
• Don’t let problems fester. When people express they’re upset, offended, or in disagreement, encourage them to pinpoint what’s bothering them. 
• Address nonverbal cues. For instance, when you notice someone’s body language shift or the temperature of the room change, ask people about their thoughts and feelings. 
• Have tough conversations, even if they’re uncomfortable.
• When group members get heated, remind them of the terms established at the beginning of the meeting.
• Redirect people toward making “I feel like” statements when discussing how they perceive others’ words, thoughts, and actions. 

Find out more about assertive communication . 

12. Active Listening 

Active listening is listening with the intent to understand. When it comes to conflict resolution, heightened emotions often prevent effective discussions from happening. This is because when people feel threatened, they become defensive as a means to protect themselves. As a result, they stop listening and begin mentally formulating their next attack while the other person speaks. Acting in this manner doesn’t resolve problems—it just drives a wedge further in between people. 

To minimize conflicts:

• Request that each person pauses for a moment to think about what is being said. Then, ask them to repeat back what they feel was communicated to them. 
• Stop people from speaking over one another.  
• Present questions that help untangle conflicting viewpoints. This might look like saying, “Okay, so what do you think you can agree on?” or “What end goal do you both want to achieve?”
• Get people first to find something positive about what was said, then allow them to say, “from my point of view,” “the way I see it,” or “my understanding is…” Demonstrating this practice as a leader is a great way to get your team to start doing this naturally. 

13. Stress Management

When a person engages in conflicts, their body naturally produces stress hormones that cause a “fight-or-flight” response. This can significantly alter a person’s mood, make them avoidant, or create a large amount of stress and anxiety in the mind and body. Practicing stress management techniques helps limit the impact these bodily responses have on tense situations. As a result, there’s a greater likelihood for a positive outcome rather than allowing the conflict to continue growing. 

To manage stress,  Harvard Health Publishing  suggests:

• Exercising, which might include working out or taking a walk. 
• Practicing yoga, tai chi, or qi gong (which all help calm the mind by having a person focus on fluid movement). 
• Doing breathing exercises like  box breathing . To do this, hold your breath for four seconds and then exhale for four seconds. Repeat four times. 
• Talking to your social support group, which might include your friends, family members, therapist, life coach , or mentor . 

14. Collaboration 

Collaboration is a conflict management skill that prevents conflict from occurring or further developing. Too often, disputes arise when group members aren’t in agreement over where to go next. As a leader, it’s your job to communicate the vision and how different objectives fulfill this endeavor. For a business to be impactful, leaders should step in and point the team in the right direction by initiating a discussion on whether or not the group’s decisions and ideas can fulfill this purpose. 

The key to conflict resolution skills is shifting people’s mindset from “me” to “we.” Inviting people to collaborate and make choices  together , instead of in silos, helps organizations fulfill their full potential. It also eliminates competitive attitudes that harm work cultures and cause additional conflict. Using characteristics from the democratic leadership style and practicing group decision-making techniques are two ways to do this.

15. Compromise

Another conflict management skill all leaders should have is the ability to compromise. As the former Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Germany once stated, “A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.” While people engaged in conflict might feel like they didn’t receive the exact outcome they desired, a leader’s job is to make sure they are satisfied with the result. During bouts of conflict, a leader needs to redirect attention toward what the group  does  agree on, rather than what they don’t. 

16. Negotiation

While negotiation is similar to compromise, they aren’t the same thing. Compromise is collaborating to reach an agreement while negotiating is an exchange of wants and desires. For example, this might look like two business owners discussing the terms of a deal. One might want a one-year contract, while the other demands a three-year one. They might settle for a one-year contract but at a higher price than the three-year plan offers. This way, both business owners get the terms they want. 

To negotiate fairly:

• Ask the parties involved in the decision-making process what their “non-negotiables” are.” These are the terms they must have to move forward. 
• Use assertive communication to clearly state what you want and how you think you can achieve this result. 
• Be flexible and willing to concede things that don’t impact the overall outcome you desire. 
• Treat the negotiation as a problem that needs to be solved. Invite those with opposing views to collaborate with you to find a solution everyone can agree upon. 

17. Problem-Solving 

Businesses form to solve customers’, clients’, and the world’s problems. This exudes the internal issues that arise when attempting to do the latter. Naturally, conflict occurs when it comes to decision-making because leaders and employees all have varying opinions and ideas about the best way to solve these problems. Nevertheless, teams must develop a mindset of collaborating as they make decisions that affect the company and its people. Tackling problems together reduces conflict by making employees feel like they have a say in how the business’s mission gets fulfilled.

18. Accountability

Accountability is accepting full responsibility for your words, thoughts, and actions. During conflict resolution, accountability can translate into owning lapses in judgment or emotional control. As referenced above, leading with integrity maintains and grows interpersonal relationships. 

Giving a sincere apology for not attempting to understand someone’s point of view or acting out of character shows you have emotional intelligence as well. This is because EI requires self-awareness and social awareness. It is also a way to manage relationships. With that said, modeling accountability is an excellent method of creating a team culture where employees demonstrate humility and mutual respect. 

To be accountable and hold people responsible:

• Set firm behavioral expectations as soon as someone is hired by having them agree to sign off on these guidelines. 
• Own your mistakes, and don’t point the finger at others when you’ve said or done something wrong. Demonstrating accountability is the best way to teach it. 
• Normalize failure.  
• Take time to reflect on your words and actions when tensions rise. Ask others to do the same when you’re navigating conflict. 
• Remind people of the boundaries established for communicating with team members. 

The situations below demonstrate conflict resolution. In the following examples, you’ll get an overview of each scenario, what conflict resolution skills to use, and how to use them.

An Employee Doesn’t Take Feedback Well 

During a one-on-one meeting, a team member becomes irritated with their supervisor while they’re giving them feedback on how to improve the first iteration of their work. The employee crosses their arms, tightens their jaws, and goes silent. When the supervisor asks them what’s wrong, the employee gets defensive and says, “You tell me. You’re the one who seems to have an issue with my work.”

Conflict Resolution Techniques to Use

• Open communication
• Assertive communication
• Accountability

First, use open communication to let the employee know this type of negative attitude isn’t tolerated. A part of assertive communication is setting firm boundaries to ensure expectations get fulfilled. Provide a gentle reminder that speaking to one another with respect is one of the top values they agreed to uphold when onboarded. Finally, discuss why feedback is necessary, and talk about how owning your work makes a difference in reaching personal, professional, and company-wide goals.

Two Team Members Get Into a Fight During a Meeting

A graphic designer presents an idea that will require a significant amount of time from the team’s lead copywriter during a brainstorming session. “I don’t have the capacity to take this on,” the copywriter asserts, immediately writing off the idea. “This project could really help us drive more of an impact within the company. And you’re always adding to my workload—this is completely unfair!” the graphic designer responds. The argument gets so bad, that there are threats to get human resources involved.

• Stress management
• Shifting away from blame and shame 

During heated situations, ask the arguing parties to reconvene the next day. Before this meeting, request a quick chat with the two employees embroiled in conflict. Begin asking questions to get to the bottom of their feelings and emotions and gain a larger perspective on the issue. In addition to this, discuss the importance of not blaming and shaming others when emotionally triggered. It causes a serious breakdown in work relationships. Partner the two together for the rest of the workday and have them develop a compromise for what work needs to be done that fulfills the company’s vision and mission. Then ask them to meet back up with you the next day to let you know what they decided. However, if they cannot resolve the problem in a collaborative manner, getting human resources involved is not a bad idea.

Leaders Can’t Seem to Agree 

When discussing the terms of a business proposal, the CEO of a company feels like the deal they’re being offered isn’t favorable to them. In addition to this, the person handling the negotiation is too pushy and won’t budge on the terms. “Look, this is the best we can do, and we wouldn’t present this to you if we didn’t feel like it wasn’t on fair terms,” they tell the CEO.

Conflict Resolution Tips to Use

• Assertive communication 
• Collaboration
• Problem-Solving
• Negotiation 

The best way to handle this situation is to clarify that the current terms will not work for you. However, let them know you’re interested in collaborating and negotiating. Outline the problems you have with the terms and ask them, in their opinion, how they would go about solving it. This will help the representative from the other business begin shifting toward the mindset of “they need to say yes right now” to “let’s find a solution that works for everyone.”

Conflict resolution serves a greater purpose. Often, it causes teams to have conversations that, while challenging, result in immense personal and professional growth. As Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan, the authors of  Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader,  write, “The better able team members are to engage, speak, listen, hear, interpret, and respond constructively, the more likely their teams are to leverage conflict, rather than be leveled by it.”

As you continue your journey, pass on these conflict management tips to your employees and human resources department. It grows leaders at every level. As a result, this helps the business operate more smoothly by increasing the bonds between team members who must work together and maintain strong relationships to fulfill the company’s mission. 

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10 Leadership Conflict Management & Resolution Skills 2024

Being a leader in any organization is no easy task. Not only are leaders responsible for their actions, and the ramifications thereof, they are also responsible for the behavior and actions of their team members.

Running a team like a well-oiled machine is no easy task, as more often than not it doesn't run as well as a leader may like. There will be times that there will be conflict in the workplace, which could, if left unchecked, threaten to derail the productivity and profitability of the organization, and the morale of the team. This is where leadership conflict management and resolution skills for team leaders come to the fore.

They are qualities that set a good and a great leader apart. Success requires teamwork and clear communication. When leading a team, one of your primary responsibilities is making sure your team works well together and when it doesn't, you're able to resolve the conflict.

Often, individuals with varying personalities comprise these teams. The ability to recognize potential conflicts between individual team members and develop conflict resolution strategies to resolve them quickly is essential for projects to proceed successfully.

Leaders recognize that understanding conflict management can help them resolve issues before they occur or resolve existing conflicts in such a way that your team can still work together as a cohesive unit.

10 Leadership Conflict Management & Resolution Skills

1. communicate early and often .

To reduce misunderstandings and ambiguity, communicate your intentions and desires to not just one party, but rather every employee and as such all parties involved in the work environment. Ask what your colleagues need to work their best, and do your part to meet their needs or – at a minimum – avoid doing that which you know will cause harm. If you suspect conflict amongst team members, a leader must nip it in the bud quickly as problems will not just disappear, but rather linger if not. Failing to act as a leader when you spot a potential problem can create problems down the line.

2. Listen actively

Active listening is a proven leadership skill for conflict resolution, and involves developing a skill for listening to what is verbally and nonverbally communicated. Often, conflicts arise because two parties misunderstand or mishear what the other person is saying. Leaders know how to manage conflict and understand that active listening helps ensure that the sender and receiver understand one another and can more easily move towards a resolution. This is half the battle when it comes to being a mediator in resolving conflicts.

3. Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, manage, and control emotions not just in oneself, but also in others. Understanding, expressing, and effectively handling emotions are vital for conflict resolution. EI skills help improve communication and relationships and therefore is included in the vital skills for conflict resolution.

4. Problem solving

Problem-solving skills help leaders or parties in conflict recognize and address the root causes of conflicts by identifying the issues and exploring possible solutions. Leaders can apply the 5 problem-solving steps or 5 conflict management styles for conflict resolution: identify the problem, list possible solutions, evaluate the solutions, choose one solution, and implement it. People can find creative and equitable solutions to their conflicts by applying problem-solving skills.

5. Negotiation

Negotiation is trying to reach an agreement between two or more parties. It can be used to resolve disputes and every conflict and is integral to conflict resolution. Negotiation skills can be learned and practiced, and one can apply them in various situations. Therefore, it is vital to have effective negotiation skills to help achieve successful outcomes in any case. Negotiation is one of the powerful skills for conflict resolution, and it can help bring parties together to work toward a common goal. 

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6. Observation

Observation is the key to effective conflict management. When a leader observes a conflict, one can understand it better and find solutions that work for both parties. You must also be able to keep track of your emotions and reactions to remain impartial. The skills required to be a practical observer will vary depending on the type of conflict you are dealing with.

7. Self-awareness

Self-awareness helps you understand your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, enabling you to identify the underlying causes of conflicts. Once you thoroughly understand the source of conflict, you can begin resolving it using other conflict management skills and techniques. This vital skill also helps you in identifying any biases you might have as a manager.

8. Team awareness

A conflict resolution team is especially important for effective conflict resolution, and must have the skills to work together effectively. One of the skills that are essential for conflict resolution is team awareness. This skill helps managers understand their team dynamics and how they interact with each other. In addition, it can help resolve conflict before it escalates into a severe issue. Conflict occurs through any disagreement and can cause rifts, so team awareness helps a manager to make their teams work through their differences and reach a consensus on a solution.

9. Patience

Conflict can mean different things to different people, but what is universal is that resolving conflict is a challenging but essential part of any relationship. It can be frustrating when an argument escalates quickly to the point of no return. But patience is critical to resolving conflict successfully. Effective leadership means that the best leaders need to take their time and not rush into a decision. When one is trying to resolve a conflict, it helps to circle back and understand the other person’s point of view to effectively manage things and develop a solution that works for both parties. By listening carefully and taking time to think about the situation, you can diffuse tense situations and build trust between you and the other person. All in all, patience can be one of the key skills for conflict resolution.

10. Impartiality 

It is often difficult to stay impartial when you manage conflict, but in any conflict, a good manager should never take sides. Being impartial means that you can listen to both sides of the story and act accordingly. A problem at hand can't be resolved unless the historical issues are addressed. In this type of situation, it's best to separate the conflict from the people that are involved with it. Effective leaders understand that they shouldn't focus on people and their personal characteristics, instead, they should look at the problem and center their energy on finding a solution. 

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Conclusion 

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Being a true leader is no easy task, and nor too is managing interpersonal or interdepartmental conflict within an organization. When it comes to conflict, being cool, calm, collected, impartial and able to see the wood for the trees, are skills every leader/manager worth their salt must posses or face the consequences of lost productivity and other knock-on effects that may also affect the profitability of the company. Many leaders know that their role in solving workplace conflict is to help employees involved in the conflict to clarify their needs and guide them to a fair solution that both sides will accept. All conflict situations can lead to division, so as part of the conflict resolution, be sure to address all types of different conflict right away; however, don't rush when it comes to working out a resolution.

Whilst many say that leaders are born and not made, what is apparent is that modern leaders can be coached at a university like Nexford , that offers BBA and MBA programs, on how to spot conflict early and develop ways of managing conflict in the workplace before things spiral out of control. Nexford's Leadership Management and Teams course focuses on how to create a personal and shared vision and communicate effectively with teams, as a leader, a manager and a team member. On the course learners will develop a personal philosophy of leadership, management and membership in the global workplace through a personal inventory and assessment, as well as apply conflict management skills to a personal and organizational setting. Complimenting that, Nexford's Leadership and Organizational Development course examines individual and group interaction and helps learners gain a deeper understanding of how human behavior drives organizational behavior and development. On the course learners will apply various leadership styles, conflict management strategies, and change models to organizational situations to resolve conflict at hand.

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What is conflict management?

Conflict management is an umbrella term for the way we identify and handle conflicts fairly and efficiently and is necessary for managing diverse teams. The goal is to minimize the potential negative impacts that are involved in a conflict and can arise from disagreements and increase the odds of a positive outcome. 

What is a conflict management strategy?

Strategies for managing conflict are the ways a manager can engage with their employees productively when it seems like there is a risk of conflicts and arguments emerging. People naturally deal with conflicts in different ways, but some can be better than others when it comes to keeping everyone involved in the situation happy and productive. By combining your own natural conflict management style with any of the styles below, you can develop a range of responses to arguments and clashes in the workplace.

What types of conflict can occur in the workplace?

As no two days are ever the same, so too are the types of conflict that may occur in the office environment. Knowing how to spot them, and stop them early can help to resolve a conflict in double quick time. Experts maintain that there are 5 conflict types that occur in the workplace and they are leadership conflicts, work style conflicts, creative conflicts, personality conflicts, and task-based conflicts.

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Why is it crucial for a leader/employer to have conflict management skills?

Understanding conflict allows leaders to manage it more effectively and can provide a path to accomplishing positive outcomes. Conflict can lead to division, so every leader needs to understand that conflict management training can be an active force that will allow leaders grow healthy relationships within their organizations which can ultimately result in effective team work and productivity and make it easier to manage workplace disputes.

What does it take for a leader to resolve disputes in the workplace?

Depending on the situation, there are many skills and strategies leaders must look at for managing conflict and resolve disputes in the workplace. Leading from the front is just one and taking control of a situation before a molehill turns into a mountain. But if you had to put your finger on it, what exactly does it take for a leader to increase their resolution efforts and  resolve disputes in the workplace? Experts would maintain that as a leader, even though you can initiate a constructive conversation, the effort always involves dialogue and discussion among the people involved. Conflict is inevitable, but by adopting a positive attitude toward the conflict, leaders find the best in people and in the situation, and maintain their sense of humor. Sounds easy enough, but more often than that it isn't necessarily so.

Looking to potentially take your career even further? Consider how an  Online BBA  or  Online MBA  can help you develop these skills and increase your earning potential.

Mark is a college graduate with Honours in Copywriting. He is the Content Marketing Manager at Nexford, creating engaging, thought-provoking, and action-oriented content.

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12 Essential Conflict Resolution Skills for Kids: Tools for Peaceful Problem Solving

WHY WE NEED TO TEACH KIDS CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS

As a mom of two and a former school counselor, I can’t stress enough how important it is to teach kids about healthy conflict resolution skills. I mean if you’re a parent or are someone who works with children on a daily basis, then I’m preaching to the choir, right? We all know the hard truth that conflict is inevitable.  It’s part of living.  And since there’s no way around it, knowing how to handle conflict in healthy and respectful ways is a critical life skill that will serve our kids well into adulthood.

Now some will argue that kids will figure it out on their own. And the part of me that sees the not-so-great-things that happen with helicopter parenting, agrees that there is no doubt some truth to that. 

At the same time, as someone who has seen my fair share of playground scuffles and classroom drama, I do believe that without guidance, kids are more likely to resort to name-calling, hitting, or other aggressive behaviors when they’re angry, hurt, or frustrated.

So, what can we do as parents, teachers, and school counselors? We can teach our kids how to handle conflict in a way that’s respectful, assertive, and productive. 

Here are a few reasons why this is so important:

Prevention of Small Issues Escalating

First of all, healthy conflict resolution skills can prevent small issues from turning into bigger ones. Let’s say your child feels frustrated with a friend who keeps interrupting her while she’s trying to talk. Without the skills to address the issue in a respectful way, your child might start avoiding the friend.  Or worse, she might lash out with hurtful comments. On the other hand, if your child knows how to assertively communicate her needs and boundaries by using I-Statements, for instance, she can address the issue head-on.  And this means there’s a good change it would prevent the conflict from escalating.

Strengthens Relationships

Secondly, healthy conflict resolution skills helps kids to build stronger relationships. When conflicts arise,  kids get to practice empathy, active listening, and problem-solving. When working through conflicts in healthy and respectful ways, kids can develop deeper connections and a stronger sense of trust.

Boosts Self-Efficacy and Self-Esteem

Finally, healthy conflict resolution skills can help kids build self-confidence and self-esteem. When kids feel empowered to handle conflicts in a productive way, they’re more likely to speak up for themselves in an assertive way, advocate for their needs, and set boundaries. These skills can help children feel more in control of their lives, by focusing on what is within their control as compared to outside of it.  This leads to children feeling more confident in their ability to handle whatever difficult situations that come their way.

12 Conflict Resolution Skills to Teach Are….

And since I’m all about tools and action, here’s a list of 12 essential conflict resolution skills every kid (teens and adults, too!) should know.

1. Get Calm First

Teaching kids to get calm before dealing with a conflict is essential.  That’s because, when emotions are running high, and the protective part of their brain is sounding the alarm, it’s pretty difficult to communicate effectively and make thoughtful decisions. When you take some time to calm down, you can better regulate your emotions, think clearly, and approach the conflict with a more level-headed state of mind.  

Some of the calming strategies I used to teach my students were breathing exercises like Hot Cocoa Breathing and Roller Coaster Breathing (which some people know as 5 Finger Breathing), counting to twenty and back, walking away and taking a short break before addressing the issue.

2. Find a Win-Win Solution

If you can, encourage your children (or students) to see if you can find a solution that works for everyone involved. That’s what we call a win-win solution! 

A win-win solution means that best case scenario, both people get what they want or need.  Worst case scenario, both people compromise, and at a minimum, feel at least okay with the outcome. 

So how to find a win-win solution? Each person can talk about their feelings, wants, and hopes.   And then together, brainstorm solutions.  Devise a compromise, if needed. And then make a deal that everyone can agree on.  

3. Play a Game of Chance like Rock-Paper-Scissors

Playing a game of chance to resolve a conflict is often a favorite for kiddos.  (Play just seems to make everything a bit less serious and a whole lot more better, right?) Basically, whoever wins gets to decide what to do and/or go first.  

Some fun games of chance include: Rock-Paper-Scissors, coin toss, dice roll, and odds & evens.

4. Ask for Help

Asking an adult for help can be a valuable tool for resolving conflicts and addressing issues that may feel too big for a child to handle on their own. If a child is dealing with a situation that makes them feel scared, unsafe, or if someone else is being harmed, it is essential to reach out to an adult for assistance.

It’s important to teach children to recognize what constitutes a big problem versus a small problem.  For instance, someone rolling her eyes at you is not at the same level as someone threatening to fight you after school. Getting bullied or feeling unsafe requires immediate attention from an adult. 

And say the problem is more of a medium or small sized one?  It still important to remind children that they don’t have to face challenging situations alone.  That you have their back.  And can help them come up with solutions and strategies to address the conflict effectively.  

Another general rule of thumb is I would suggest that they ask for help and talk with an adult  if they have tried 2 or 3 problem solving tricks independently and still feel stuck.  

5. Ignore What’s Annoying You

Easier said than done.  But with enough practice, ignoring the little silly stuff can actually be quite powerful in the sense that it immediately will deescalate a conflict.

Brainstorm with your children or students different times this strategy would be effective.  Add some humor, too!  Some ideas:

When your brother is chewing loudly or making weird noises at the dinner table, try to ignore the bizarre sounds and instead focus on your own meal. You could even imagine that he’s just pretending to be a cartoon character while he eats.

If your friend keeps interrupting you while you’re talking, try to take a deep breath and keep going. Imagine that she’s a robot that is so excited to tell you information that she can’t help but blurt out.

If your classmate is tapping his foot, try to tune it out the sound and focus on your work. Imagine that he is practicing for a tap dance performance and try to enjoy the rhythm.

• Take a deep breath and try not to react.
• Keep doing what you were doing.
• Don’t say anything.
• Look the other way.

6. Talk It Out and Use I-Statements

This is a must conflict resolution skill not just for kids, but for people of ALL ages.

An “I-Statement” is a method of communication that helps children express their feelings and needs in a clear, assertive, and respectful way.  It avoid blaming or making accusations of another person.  It often involves making a statement that begins with “I” (although it doesn’t have to) and describes how a particular situation is impacting that person. It also often includes a statement that expresses how that person would like to be treated and/or what that person wants, needs, or hopes for.

Basically, to teach this skill, you really want to break down the different parts.  Practice, practice, practice.  And of course, model it as often as you can.

7. Say Words that Mean “No”

Use a strong and respectful voice to say you are not okay with something.  Or another way of thinking about this skill that it is the assertive boundary setting declaration.  When kids say “no,” they are communicating their limits and expectations in a clear and confident manner. This can also help prevent misunderstandings by setting expectations from the start.

Situations when this conflict resolution skills would work well include when someone is asking them to do something they don’t want to do or when someone is trying to take something from them without permission.

Some “No” Words Are:

• “Stop.”
• “I am not ok with that.”
• “Not now.”
• “Don’t bother.”
• “No thanks.”
• “No.”

8. Take Turns or Share

This is one of those “everything I ever needed to learn I learned in kindergarten” sort or rule.  The basics are: s hare what you both want to use, e ach person takes a turn, and have fun p laying together.  You could jazz up examples such as:

• Imagine if you had to eat the entire large pizza by yourself, without sharing with your siblings…You might get a really huge belly ache!
• Taking turns can be like taking a break in a marathon or track meet. It gives everyone a chance to catch your breath and get ready for the next round.

Imagine if you had to play a game of catch alone, without anyone to receive the ball? You’d just be throwing the ball up in the air…..and watching it fall down again, with no one to pass it back to you. How fun would that be?

9. Do Something Else

Doing something else helps kids to shift their focus away from a potential conflict,  and instead re-focus their attention towards something positive.

Some examples you could share with kiddos include:

• Say you and your cousin both want to play with the same toy, you could find another toy to play with or even suggest something you could both do together,  like build a pillow fort. 
• If you are playing a game at recess and don’t like how some of your friends are playing, you could find something else to do, like shoot basketball hoops or climb the jungle gym.
• If you feel like your brothers are leaving you our or excluding you, do something else like taking your dog on a walk or riding your bike.

Doing something else looks like: 

Find something else to do.

Be flexible and creative.

Play a different game.

Use something different.

10. Listen to the Other Person

This is a hard one…not just for kids, but for adults too.  It can be challenging to pause and really hear what the other person is saying, especially if you feel offended, wronged, or hurt.  

When children listen actively, it helps them to:

• acknowledge and validate the other person’s emotions
• better understand the other person’s perspective
• clarify misunderstandings
• work together to find a solution that gets closer in meeting everyone’s needs

11. Put Yourself In the Other Person’s Shoes

One of the most essential conflict resolution skills for kids is empathy.   Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes helps kids to understand the  other person’s perspective, cultivate better communication skills, build positive relationships, and even reduce the chances for hurtful behavior.

12. Apologize

Last but not least, it’s important to teach kids how to apologize.  Apologizing is an important conflict resolution skill for kids because it helps them take responsibility for their actions.  In addition, it’s a way they can express remorse, and make repairs for any harm they may have caused.  

Making a meaningful apology takes practice.  There’s a big difference between saying, “I’m sorry you feel sad” versus “I’m sorry that I called you mean name.  What I did was hurtful.  And I would like to make it up to you.”

Step By Step Guide to Deal with Conflict for Kids

Recognizing how it take lots of practice to develop problem solving skills, on top of seeing  how time consuming it could get for teachers who were  constantly mediating conflicts between students,  I created a conflict resolution lap book that takes children through each step.  It’s  interactive, hands-on nature, coupled with strong visual supports, help empower students to become independent problem solvers. 

This lap book has kids:

• Choose a coping tool to get calm first. The calming strategies include Hand Over Heart, Cocoa Breathing, Count to 20, Roller Coaster Breathing, Rocks & Socks, and Ocean Waves Breathing, all with strong visual supports and directions.
• Reflect on the size of the problem.  If it is a big problem, get an adult to help! But if it’s something you can handle on your own….
• Choose a conflict resolution tool…and give it a try.  
• If using an I-Message, kids can use the hands-on template on the back of the lap book to formulate the statement.  
• After trying out the conflict resolution strategy, reflect on whether or not it helped.  If not, don’t worry – the lap book also includes prompts to suggest trying another skill. 

Some of the feedback I have gotten from teachers is that this step-by-step guide has been a game changer in their classrooms.  That it has been very helpful for students dealing with conflict since it provides students with essential tools to help them resolve conflicts on their own. Plus, because it is interactive, it helps students regulate their emotions when triggered by frustrating social interactions. 

Take a look below! I’d love to hear what you think!  And would especially love to hear any tips of tricks you’ve used to teach kids conflict resolution skills, too!!

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