what happened to you book review summary

What Happened To You Summary

1-Sentence-Summary: What Happened to You?  is an analysis of how traumatic experiences affect our brains throughout our lives, showing how they change our coping mechanisms, and why we must consider both the individual and collective side of mental health if we are to resolve our emotional challenges not just for ourselves but for society at large.

Favorite quote from the author:

Table of Contents

Video Summary

What happened to you review, audio summary, who would i recommend the what happened to you summary to.

Have you ever wondered why you react in a certain way to some situations? Or why you can’t kick a bad habit? Instead of asking ourselves, “What’s wrong with me?” we should shift the question to “What happened to me?”

Trauma is difficult to address, but it can affect us for years. Experiencing abuse or neglect as a child can change how we respond to stress as an adult, for example.

In What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing , Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey explore why and how trauma might be influencing our behavior. Oprah herself is a trauma survivor. This book is about addressing it head-on and learning to heal.

Here are 3 of the most insightful lessons from this book:

• What we experience during childhood has a profound effect on our brain as an adult. 
• We can learn positive regulation strategies later in life to help us deal with trauma. 
• It is possible to overcome trauma with the right support. 

Let’s get right into these lessons and learn from Oprah!

If you want to save this summary for later, download the free PDF and read it whenever you want.

Lesson 1: Our brains are uniquely shaped by the experiences that we have during childhood.

Early on in Oprah’s life, she remembers feeling intensely lonely. She knew that she wasn’t wanted. Her mom was only a teenager when she had her, and she didn’t have the resources to care for her adequately. Most of her childhood was spent with various family members, many of whom neglected and beat Oprah regularly. 

These early experiences shaped how she saw the world as well as herself because experiences like this literally change the brain. 

A baby’s brain develops at a rate of 20,000 new neurons per second. Every single experience a child has is logged in a personal “codebook” in the brain. Later on, these experiences can manifest themselves but cannot be understood in a rational way. 

An example of this is a child the author’s called Sam. Sam was physically abused by his father and was removed by Child Protective Services. Once Sam moved into a group home and received the support he needed, he was doing well and progressing. 

However, once he got a new teacher, he started acting out at school. Everyone was puzzled as to why until Dr. Perry met Sam’s father. He wore a strong Old Spice cologne, the very same scent Sam’s teacher wore. Suddenly it clicked— the aroma of the cologne was triggering old, terrifying memories for Sam. Once the teacher changed the cologne, the behavior stopped. 

If we want to understand trauma, we need to ask: What happened to you, specifically when you were very young?

Lesson 2: Learning regulation strategies can help you heal from trauma.

Early in her career as a journalist, Oprah often worked 100-hour weeks and was always exhausted. She ignored the signals her body sent to tell her something was wrong. Why? The abuse in her past had trained her to be a people-pleaser. This meant ignoring her own boundaries and working to meet everyone else’s needs instead. She turned to food for comfort. 

What helps us not ignore the signals when we’re out of balance? Positive regulation strategies. Everyone’s brain has a self-regulation system of core regulatory networks, or CRNs for short. Their purpose is to keep us balanced. When a caregiver responds consistently to a baby’s needs, his CRNs become resilient, and a child becomes able to regulate himself as he becomes older. 

But if the caregivers are neglectful or abusive, the child’s CRNs become impaired, also known as dysregulated. This makes the child’s stress responses become sensitized, meaning he will always be looking out for threats and panic easily. Neglectful caregivers make a child associate people with disappointment, meaning they struggle to build and maintain human connections.  

Ergo, they are more vulnerable to addiction, whether it be drugs, alcohol, self-harm, or eating disorders — all temporary reliefs from distress.  To stop this, we must identify the stress signals in our body. For Oprah, this meant creating healthy boundaries and learning to be okay with saying no. It’s never too late to learn these positive regulation strategies and regain balance!

Lesson 3: With the right support, we can overcome the traumatic experiences of our past.

Did you know that almost half of all children living in the US have had some sort of serious traumatic experience in their life? For adults, 60 percent report experiencing at least one traumatic incident. 

We know how these affect the brain, but now imagine the effect these experiences have on our larger communities when so many of us have had trauma. So many of us are living with sensitized stress responses. Is it really any wonder we see people act out in violence or intolerance? Should we be surprised when adults are unable to teach their children how to regulate themselves? 

People like to think that kids are resilient and can recover from trauma and abuse, but this simply isn’t the case. They are still affected by trauma, even if you can’t see it. This type of stress can mean they might have trouble focusing , or their health might deteriorate. 

What these kids need is support. Not just immediately after the trauma but even into their adulthood. They need support from professionals who understand a traumatized brain. But perhaps most important of all is that they need support from the communities around them. 

All of us need support from the people around us to heal. Schools, workplaces, and even places of worship need to help the people around them who have survived trauma . With the right support, we can learn how to heal and help others do the same.

Oprah never disappoints. She’s inspiring and motivational because she’s so vulnerable with her own experiences, but she’s also really smart. I highly recommend you check out What Happened To You !

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The 38-year-old who has experienced great trauma throughout their lives, the 64-year-old who wants to help their children get through their mental health struggles, and anyone that wants to learn how to get through the difficulties of life.

Last Updated on September 28, 2023

Luke Rowley

With over 450 summaries that he contributed to Four Minute Books, first as a part-time writer, then as our full-time Managing Editor until late 2021, Luke is our second-most prolific writer. He's also a professional, licensed engineer, working in the solar industry. Next to his day job, he also runs Goal Engineering, a website dedicated to achieving your goals with a unique, 4-4-4 system. Luke is also a husband, father, 75 Hard finisher, and lover of the outdoors. He lives in Utah with his wife and 3 kids.

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What Happened To You Summary and Key Lessons

“ What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing ” is an exploration into the depths of human trauma and the journey towards healing, co-authored by two remarkable individuals: Oprah Winfrey, the iconic talk show host and philanthropist, and Dr. Bruce D. Perry, a respected psychiatrist and brain trauma expert.

Full Summary

At the heart of this book is a series of insightful dialogues between Winfrey and Perry. 

Winfrey opens up about her own experiences with childhood trauma, providing a deeply personal context to the discussions. Perry, with his extensive background in psychiatry, delves into the scientific and psychological aspects of trauma, offering us a window into how our brains process and are shaped by traumatic experiences.

The narrative unfolds across a series of compelling chapters, each beginning with an anecdote that sets the stage for the conversation to follow. 

The first chapter delves into the human brain’s development and how early traumatic experiences can leave a lasting imprint on our behaviors and personalities. Perry uses real-life examples, such as a war veteran with PTSD and a young boy subjected to abuse, to illustrate the profound impact of sensory memories.

The book then moves into discussing the search for balance in life. Perry highlights the crucial roles of rhythm, relationships , and the concept of reward in our lives, particularly in early childhood. He explains how the absence of nurturing caregiving can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as addiction, emphasizing the power of relationships in restoring balance.

In a touching exploration of love and caregiving, the third chapter discusses how these elements are integral to brain development and subsequently influence our attitudes and behaviors throughout life. Perry brings in the concept of neuroplasticity, showing how nurturing experiences can shape neural pathways.

The journey continues through various aspects of trauma, including its spectrum and long-term effects. Winfrey and Perry encourage readers to identify and understand their own traumatic experiences and how these shape their current selves. They emphasize the importance of acknowledgment and validation in the healing process.

Addressing the relationship between past and present, the fifth chapter unveils how trauma and fear can echo through generations, impacting both emotional and physical health . Perry discusses concepts like epigenetics, revealing the deep-seated effects of trauma.

The nuanced discussion of neglect reveals how its impact on brain development can be as profound as that of active trauma. Here, the distinction between the absence of essential experiences (neglect) and the presence of harmful experiences (trauma) is clearly articulated.

The concept of post-traumatic wisdom is introduced in the seventh chapter, exploring how individuals transition from trauma to resilience. Perry examines modern societal barriers to healing and the need for supportive environments.

The eighth chapter returns to brain function, this time focusing on biases and their influence on social systems. Perry advocates for a trauma-informed approach in all human interactions, recognizing the pervasiveness of implicit biases.

The concluding chapters highlight the importance of connectedness and relational wealth, drawing inspiration from the Māori community’s approach to healing. 

The book closes with personal stories of healing and forgiveness, including Winfrey’s own experience with her mother, underscoring the transformative power of releasing past trauma.

Also Read: They Both Die at the End Summary and Key Lessons

Key Lessons

1. the profound impact of childhood experiences on lifelong behavior and health, lesson: early trauma shapes the brain.

The book delves deeply into how childhood experiences, particularly traumatic ones, can significantly shape the brain’s development. It explains that during the early years, the brain is highly plastic and sensitive to external stimuli. 

Traumatic events can alter the brain’s structure and functioning, which can lead to long-lasting effects on behavior, emotional regulation, and mental health . 

For instance, children who experience consistent stress or trauma may develop a heightened stress response, affecting their ability to cope with challenges later in life.

Practical Implication

Understanding this can be crucial for both personal healing and supporting others. 

Recognizing that certain behaviors or emotional responses may be rooted in early trauma can lead to more empathy and patience in relationships. It also underscores the importance of addressing and healing from past traumas, as unresolved issues can continue to influence one’s life in profound ways.

2. The Role of Relationships and Environment in Healing from Trauma

Lesson: connection is key to recovery.

Dr. Perry emphasizes the power of relationships and a supportive environment in healing from trauma. The book discusses how positive, nurturing relationships can create a sense of safety and attachment, which is crucial for recovery. 

This idea is supported by the concept of neuroplasticity – the brain’s ability to change and adapt throughout life . Positive experiences and supportive relationships in adulthood can help rewire the brain that was impacted by early trauma.

For individuals dealing with trauma, actively seeking supportive relationships and environments can be a critical aspect of the healing process. 

This might involve therapy, support groups, or nurturing personal relationships. 

For caregivers and loved ones, providing a stable, empathetic, and understanding environment can significantly aid the healing process of those affected by trauma.

Also Read: A Little Life Summary and Key Lessons

3. Understanding and Managing the Long-Term Effects of Trauma

Lesson: trauma can manifest in various ways across the lifespan.

The book illustrates that the effects of trauma are not always immediate or obvious and can manifest in different forms over time. 

Symptoms may include anxiety, depression, difficulty in forming relationships, or even physical health issues. 

The authors discuss how trauma can change an individual’s response to stress and how past experiences can trigger disproportionate reactions to current events.

This knowledge can help individuals recognize and address unexpected or unexplained emotional or physical responses in their lives. 

Understanding that such responses may be linked to past trauma can be the first step towards addressing them effectively. 

It also highlights the importance of professional help, such as therapy, which can provide strategies and tools to manage and mitigate these long-term effects.

Final Thoughts

In “What Happened to You?”, Winfrey and Perry offer a blend of personal narrative, scientific exploration, and practical wisdom. This book is not just a guide to understanding trauma but a sign of hope for anyone seeking to find balance and healing in the aftermath of their own traumatic experiences.

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Book Review: “What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing” by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey

Nobody picks up a book about trauma because they are feeling well. Ever since I learned that Oprah Winfrey had a new book out, I went back and forth about whether I’d read it. Oprah is, well, Oprah, and I didn’t want to be disappointed. But when I found myself feeling a little down last week, and unable to break out of the funk, I picked up a copy of “What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing” by Bruce D. Perry, M.D. and Oprah Winfrey.

I wasn’t disappointed.

Oprah Winfrey’s deepest talent has been to have tough, honest, and empathetic conversations with just about anyone. Oprah can put a stranger before a crowd, even an unsympathetic one, and reveal his or her essential humanity. This is a special and rare talent. In Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey’s “What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing” Oprah puts the trauma therapist on the spot, and guides the conversation in unexpected, and often refreshing, directions.

Brain doctors can sometimes be difficult to follow on their best days, but with Oprah as guide, readers of “What Happened to You?” will find an accessible explanation about what trauma does to the brain. The book focuses particularly on how a traumatic upbringing affects development.

Having read more in-depth books on trauma like “ The Body Keeps the Score ” and having spent years listening to Josh Korda’s Buddhist lectures on attachment theory and trauma ( which you can find in their entirety here ), I found “What Happened to You” to be an accessible introduction to trauma theory, but for the most part, at least as far as trauma theory is concerned, the book doesn’t offer anything you can’t learn elsewhere. The most fascinating aspects of the book were the moments when Winfrey and Dr. Perry step aside from therapeutic frameworks, and talk frankly about how simple things, like community, culture, and meaning can have immense healing power.

For example, Dr. Perry notes that in traditional cultures, there were four pillars of traditional healing: (1) connection to a community and to the natural world, (2) rhythmic dance, drumming, and singing, (3) adherence to a set of beliefs or values that brought meaning, and (4) the use of natural hallucinogens and healing plants to bring about healing.

As I kept reading, I couldn’t help but feel a little sad as Dr. Perry and Winfrey kept returning to the idea that full and true healing cannot take place in the absence of a community or in the absence of connection. I live in Hawai’i, and I had only just begun to put down roots, when COVID-19 lockdowns began, but I’ve always struggled with feeling a sense of belonging. I’ve always been awkward, an outsider. I’ve always had close friends, but never really saw myself as part of a community.

As the world went into lockdown, I read about what life had been like in Hawai’i before western contact.

Kanaka Maoli, or people who lived in Hawai’i prior to contact, lived lives rich with the four pillars of traditional healing Dr. Perry describes in “What Happened to You.” Polynesian close-knit farming communities were good stewards of the natural world. This is reflected in the rich community-based farming traditions that sustained families on the islands for generations. It is also reflected in the vibrant natural and mythological framework passed down in the hula and oli, the chants and dances of the people who expressed their connection to nature and its gods through poetry, dance, and singing. The pantheon of gods reflected a deep sense of wonder, awe, and belief in the interconnectedness of all beings. And healing herbs and plants were used in the la’au lapa’au , a holistic form of plant medicine that treated not only the sick body, but also the whole person in relationship to his or her community. In the la’au lapa’au , healing could not take place without relational healing, without fixing the ruptures between people, as well as the ruptures within, as June Gutmanis describes vividly in her stunning book “The Secrets and Practice of Hawaiian Herbal Medicine.”

Modern Hawai’i’s relational poverty is a stark contrast to the ancient Polynesian traditions that people first brought to these islands. Where there were interconnected farming communities that traded ideas and food from the land to the sea, there are now neighborhoods rift apart by homelessness, addiction, abuse, violence, and colonialism. Where there were rhythmic dances based upon ancient chant and deep spiritual traditions, you’ll find a commercialized westernized hula that perhaps only resembles the ancient form in spirit. The true nature of the gods are veiled, though Pele’s name is widely spoken of, especially during eruptions. And the ancient healing power of the community, of the plants, of water, often arrives in veiled metaphor. In Hawai’i, the old wisdom arrives intermittently, like the mountains hiding and reappearing in the mist of Manoa.

Lacking any community center to speak of (especially given the devastation the COVID-19 pandemic had wrought on communal spaces), having felt growing rifts between my closest friends and family members for reasons that are at once predictable and also baffling to me (you can only be too busy for so long), as unsure about my beliefs as ever, and having no real access to hallucinogens nor shamans, I realized I’d have to settle for the accessible items on Dr. Perry’s list: nature and rhythm. I didn’t live far from the sea, and while I wasn’t about to try to start a drum circle of one in Waikiki, I knew that the rhythm of my feet during a long walk could be as healing as dancing, the pace of my gait as metrical as a poem.

When depression settles into my bones, it often settles in slowly, and subtlety. I can go for days without noticing it. But in the past few days, I’ve found myself sleeping in the middle of the day, unable to motivate myself to complete the simplest of tasks, and feeling more and more lost in the haze of my own increasingly narrow inner world. Depression brings the walls in close. I found myself circling the same despondent thoughts like a vulture.

I leashed up my dog, and got to walking.

I wish I could report that the change in my system was instantaneous, but unlike a pill, the effects of rhythmic movement are cumulative and slow. For the first half of the walk my thoughts were no better than Yeats’s sad falcon turning and turning in a widening gyre. I circled the same old arguments over and over. Screw humanity. But the “screw humanity” sentiment falls short when you’re walking through a covid-19 deserted street with no humanity to speak about.

It wasn’t until I reached the sea that a deeper feeling of peace settled inside me. And as I continued my walk, I found my thoughts slowly widening to take in Ka’ena Point. The winter sun had stopped setting over the sea weeks ago, and the sun had now settled in behind the mountains, lighting the clouds above them aflame, mirroring the newly lit flames of the Royal Hawaiian, which had only recently come to life in the past few weeks, thanks to a loosening of pandemic restrictions. Summer would soon be here. And while Waikiki has two seasons: a wet one and a dry one, summer brings its own unique qualities.

Two boys played the ukulele on a park bench, and one playfully sang falsetto. The surf was down, but the report promised a rising swell by the weekend, and the calm water offered a respite for the lifeguards, welcoming the stand-up paddleboarders, wading children, and snorkeling retirees. Young people lounged on hammocks. People read books on the beach. My heart opened. My mind widened. I didn’t feel so isolated. My dog sniffed the palm trees, and guided me to the Barefoot Beach Café where the musicians were playing their Aloha Friday set.

Dr. Perry in “What Happened to You” explains that the medical model for handling trauma, depression, and anxiety relies heavily on psychopharmacology, cognitive behavioral therapies, and that it “greatly undervalues the power of connectedness and rhythm.”

In times of great distress I have been a patient of cognitive behavioral therapies and I have found them helpful, but I have to agree that no amount of “reality testing” of my own thoughts in a notebook can replace a good conversation with a friend, or the rhythmic peace of a surf session when the waves are good, or the variety of natural experiences that this island of O’ahu in its infinite wisdom offers.

Reading also offers a kind of community, though distant.

Some of the most moving parts of “What Happened to You” are when Oprah opens up about her own traumatic upbringing, and about the ways her relationship with her mother has challenged her and shaped her growth throughout her life. She writes about visiting her mother in hospice, being frozen, unable to find the right words. And that’s where Oprah, the master of interview and conversation, opens up a hospice brochure to learn what the right words might be for her to say.

Ultimately Oprah finds her way forward, but the way forward is beautifully unexpected and moved me to tears.

Writers don’t always have the right words. In my personal essays and in my work as a legal content writer , I have always felt like a blind woman feeling her way toward the truth. It is only when I finish a piece of writing, whether it’s about trauma and healing, post-traumatic stress disorder in those who have survived horrific accidents, or the nuances of surviving a divorce, that I can look at the breadcrumbs of words I have written and trace my way back

I’ll never be able to hold a conversation like Oprah, with her real-time wit. But Oprah’s radical vulnerability gives me hope that maybe someday I might become a better letter writer. Because that’s what “What Happened to You” feels like at its best. It feels like reading the curated letters of two smart people, trying to grow, to learn more, and to help others.

About the Writer

Janice Greenwood is a writer, surfer, and poet. She holds an M.F.A. in poetry and creative writing from Columbia University.

What Happened To You? Book Review

What Happened To You? is a 2021 book written by Dr. Bruce D. Perry, a neuroscientist and child psychiatrist and talk-show host Oprah Winfrey. Dr. Perry and Oprah take a closer look at how childhood trauma can shape a person’s behavior as an adult.

In this review, we’ll give you a brief summary of the book, to help you understand what this book intends to teach you. Then we’ll examine three of the lessons that we took away from the book, and a few bits of info about the authors.

What Happened To You? A Summary

What Happened To You? is a non-fiction book that talks about how your earliest experiences can shape your life(see also: The Brief Wondrous Life Of Oscar Wao Book Review ). It provides scientific and emotional insight into different behavioral patterns you might struggle with understanding. 

Told through personal conversations between Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry, this book will change you from asking what is wrong with someone to what happened to them.

To do that, Oprah shares stories from her childhood, sharing stories of her own trauma and adversity that she experienced at a young age. Throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry work together to identify the behavior behind our own actions.

It provides a shift from the usual approach to trauma and allows you a chance to understand how the past can shape your future. What Happened To You? provides an insightful look into how you can change the way you think and help you heal.

The Lessons You Learn From What Happened To You?

Three insightful lessons included are how experiences during your childhood can have a profound effect on you as an adult.

The second lesson is how you can learn positive regulation strategies that can help you deal with your trauma as you grow older. Lastly, how you can overcome trauma with the right kind of support. 

Childhood Experiences Will Shape Your Brain

Oprah had a lonely childhood, born to a teen mother who didn’t have the resources to provide adequate care.

Due to that, she was raised in other family members’ homes. While she spent time in these homes, she was both neglected and physically abused. 

Oprah’s own experiences shaped how she viewed the world because these kinds of experiences will shape a child’s brain. 

That’s because a baby’s brain will develop at a rate of 20,000 new neurons a second. Each experience they endure will be found in a personal codebook in their brain.

Then, these experiences manifest, but they can’t be rationalized. 

Another example is used by Dr. Perry when he talks about a child who was physically abused by his father. After he was removed and sent to a group home, he started to get better.

However, at one point, he got a new teacher in school, and he would act out in school. That was because his teacher wore the same Old Spice cologne that the child’s father wore.

The child’s behavior returned to normal as soon as the teacher stopped wearing the cologne. 

That’s because the memories of these events were locked into the child’s brain. He associated the teacher with his abuse. Once they identified what the issue was, the situation could be successfully remedied. 

Regulation Strategies To Heal

In the early days of her career, Oprah worked 100 hours a week. Even when she was exhausted, she would ignore all the signals her body told her and carry on.

That’s because she learned how to be a people-pleaser to prevent abuse in her past. Due to that, she could never set boundaries and would do everything for everyone else instead. So, she would turn to food as a form of comfort.

Usually, stress is a sign of something being out of balance. However, if you endured childhood abuse, you would often avoid these signals. That’s why you need to learn regulation strategies to prevent stress from taking over your life.

Each brain has its own self-regulation system. The purpose of these is to keep everything balanced. If you were responded to consistently as a baby, these core regulatory systems will become resilient.

Therefore, a child can regulate themselves as they grow. 

This doesn’t work when a parent or guardian is neglectful or abusive. The core regulatory system becomes impaired, and a child’s stress responses are sensitized.

When stress responses are sensitized, the child will look out for threats and succumb to panic. In the case of neglectful caregivers, children will struggle to maintain relationships because they’ll associate people with disappointment.

As children grow, they won’t be able to find positive ways they can regulate, so they’ll be more vulnerable to addiction. Even though they serve as a temporary relief, they light up a reward circuit in the brain, and they will want to repeat this feeling.

In order to prevent this, you need to learn the stress signals in the body. Oprah learned this by creating boundaries and would learn how to say no. 

Overcoming Trauma With Support

The final lesson is that everyone can overcome trauma with the right sort of support. It’s known that 60% of people in the US have experienced at least one traumatic incident in their childhood.

Considering how childhood trauma affects the brain, you would be able to guess how these could affect large communities. 

While most people assume that children will bounce back from trauma, they will continue to be affected. In some cases, that might mean they can’t focus, or their health deteriorates.

The best way to support these children, and adults, is to support them. Not only could they benefit from professional help, but communities too. 

A Review Of What Happened To You?

What Happened To You? provides an emotive look into Oprah’s childhood experiences. She is vulnerable but also motivational. With how this book is written, you can easily get a better understanding of how childhood trauma can shape your life. 

As a self-help book, it provides insight, but it doesn’t suggest ridiculously expensive programs to help. It gives three core lessons to help you understand and gives examples of how your childhood can affect you.

With that in mind, What Happened To You? doesn’t talk down to you. 

While some elements of this book might prove uncomfortable for some readers, these segments help to provide further insight into childhood PTSD.

It provides an in-depth look into how your childhood trauma can affect your behavior in the future.

With this in mind, What Happened To You? is a book that can provide some insight into those interested in psychology or currently struggling with the subject at hand.

What Happened To You? is one of those books that provides not only the self-help aspect but more so the psychological aspect. Dr. Bruce Perry provides a scientific understanding of childhood trauma.

However, if you’re looking for specific ways to get help as an adult, the information you gain might be lacking. But in terms of child psychology and development, What Happened To You? provides many answers to help understand the way children behave.

About The Author — Oprah Winfrey And Dr. Bruce Perry

Oprah Winfrey is one of the most famous women in America. She’s known for her renowned talk show: The Oprah Winfrey Show, which ran from 1986 until 2011.

Not only is she a talk show host, but a TV producer, actress, philanthropist, and author. Born to a teenage mother, she endured physical and sexual abuse in her youth.

She was sent to live with various relatives, where she endured abuse. While in high school, she started her career in media by working for local radio. Then, at age 19, she began a career in local evening news, where she became a co-anchor.

Dr. Bruce Perry is an American psychiatrist who specializes in neuroscience, mental health, and trauma.

From 1993 to 2001, he was the Thomas S. Trammell Research Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine and the chief of psychiatry at the Texas Children’s Hospital.

Nowadays, he serves as a senior consultant to the Minister of Children and Youth Services in Alberta. He is also a senior fellow at the Berry Street Childhood Institute in Melbourne.

He has worked as a consultant and as an expert witness for many high-profile incidents of which there were traumatized children, including events such as the Columbine Massacre, the Oklahoma City bombing, and the Waco Seige. 

Final Thoughts

Both Oprah and Dr. Perry provide a great deal of insight into the psychology of childhood trauma.

What Happened To You? helps its audience identify how their childhood experiences can impact them and how they can take steps to remedy the situation.

While it doesn’t provide much help to adults, it’s an insightful read for those interested in child psychology and development. Instead of being filled with scientific jargon, you’ll find case studies and Oprah’s own biographical statements that exemplify their cases.

Ultimately, it’s a recommended read for anyone who may want to understand the subject in a way that’s easy to understand.

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What Happened to You? — Book Summary

What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

by Oprah Winfrey

What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce Perry explore trauma in a more personal and unique way ...

More information at Amazon

More book summaries

Introduction

Oprah Winfrey is someone many people respect and recognize all over the world. She is in short, an icon. Oprah Winfrey understands how experiencing trauma at a very young age can be. Her goal is to help every reader to understand how their difficult pasts could impact their lives and personalities. Dr. Perry's contributes with a clinical perspective to further aid this goal.

Interesting quotes from the book

Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.

— Oprah Winfrey, What Happened to You?

Not only is 'What Happened to You' the key question if you want to understand someone, it is the key question if you want to understand the brain.

Summary of the book What Happened to You?

The book takes the form of deeply personal dialogue (as opposed to narratives or exposition) between Dr. Perry and Oprah that discusses the impact of trauma and adverse experiences on a person, and essentially, how we must tackle this by asking "What happened to you?" instead of "what's wrong with you?"

The book begins with Oprah telling the story of something that happened when she was only three years old. One morning, as they prepared to head out and begin going to church, Oprah's grandmother noticed her dipping her finger into the bucket of freshly-pumped drinking water. Usually, adults will smile benevolently at the mischief and cute unruliness of children, but Oprah's grandmother was furious. She bent over little Oprah and whipped her so much that blood seeped through her clothes. This made the grandmother even angrier as she blamed her granddaughter for ruining her best Sunday dress.

This, and the myriad of corporal punishment, which wasn't something new for Oprah, affected her for the rest of her life. In childhood, she got severely beaten up every time she broke a glass or spilled water. She even had to prepare her own switches. Only when she couldn't stand at her feet because of pain and exhaustion, her grandmother would release her and order her to put a smile on her face. The desire to please her grandmother and everyone around her became such an all-consuming and obsessive desire that it defined Oprah's relationship and actions for the next 40 years of her life.

People who went through painful experiences, especially those caused by a family, tend to blame themselves for everything bad that happened throughout their childhood and even all the problems they encounter in adulthood. Usually, they keep asking themselves the questions "Why did I do this?", "What is wrong with me? "They think they are somehow at fault for the abuse they suffered. But really, the truth is that emotional trauma and abuse force us to be extremely hard and critical of ourselves . Instead of trying to self-flagellate and begin to extremely criticize yourself for what happened, these authors suggest looking back and analyzing what happened to you. In essence, we should try to understand our pasta instead of trying to blame ourselves for whatever happened then.

Oprah Winfrey shares the lessons she learned from her brutal childhood experiences - that the things we experience when we are children, especially if they leave deep, indelible scars emotionally, greatly affect our personality and how we act.

In a nutshell, a victim should not be blamed or accused wrongly for his actions and for the emotional baggage they carry. They should instead be helped to abandon this baggage in the past and start the future on a clean slate. The book even teaches us that sometimes, these horrible experiences may even work out for the better. The forced smile she had to put on her face to make her grandmother happy made Oprah a serial people pleaser, which may have affected her, but also helped her build many strong relationships with others. Her desire to make people satisfied led to a lot of nice friendships in her life. A lot of times though, there are usually bad effects. For Oprah, it made her develop the habit of solitary abandon and independence.

Trauma develops our behavior, our physical, mental and emotional actions are shaped by this trauma, which may come in any variety of shapes, manifestations, and magnitudes . Trauma develops our behavioral patterns and Dr. Perry, along with Oprah Winfrey, tries to teach new approaches to deal with the trauma and its effects, which are mostly bad. They discuss many methods of self-comprehension and self-forgiveness , which are a well-proven way to recover, and which many people should carry out too.

Dr. Perry then talks about how the brain reacts to stress and abuse, supporting Oprah's story about adaptivity and how it is a survival mechanism for our traumatic experiences. Although trauma may greatly influence our behavior and our personalities, adaptivity helps us break out. The key is to understand why we do what we do and try to develop different reactions to circumstances.

In essence, "What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing" lets us shine a lens on our past, and look to the future in a new light . It tries to change the approach and perspectives of mending relationships and making peace with everything that has happened. It is a great help for those still dealing with the spectres of traumas in the past, with its personal stories and scientific insights providing a radical way for us to view our own lives.

Key Lessons from the Book

Lesson 1: what we experience in childhood shapes us forever..

Childhood is an important period in our lives, and what we face in this period is very important, as our personalities and habits begin to take shape in this period. This is why childhood trauma hits us so hard through our lives, especially when unchecked.

Lesson 2: Give yourself more grace.

It's easier to echo what negative things certain people have said about us, but we have to deliberately ensure that we give ourselves room for growth, being compassionate to ourselves as well, speaking positive words and affirming ourselves .

Lesson 3: Trauma changes us.

We don't bounce back from trauma the same. Trauma changes bit of us we may not even realize for many years to come. We have to put in the work to ensure we reduce/eradicate maladaptive behaviors that are formed and live our best lives notwithstanding .

Review of the book What Happened to You?

This book was emotional and raw for me to read. I appreciated being able to take such a look into Oprah's life. However, looking at several issues that affect myself and many other people hit quite close to home at times. I like the book and I don't think I would be re-reading just once. I liked how the authors encourage for us to reframe the question "what's wrong with you?" to "what happened to you?"

I would recommend this to anyone with a traumatic experience especially in the formative years of their lives. The book is deep and rich with knowledge, exploring trauma in ways that would be harder to do alone.

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Book Summary What Happened to You? , by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

In What Happened to You? , Oprah Winfrey and renowned psychiatrist Bruce D. Perry discuss how childhood trauma can have a severe and lasting impact on the brain—and thus our worldview, health, and behavior—sometimes without us even realizing it. They discuss why the developing brain is so susceptible to trauma, why trauma survivors often experience flashbacks, and why it’s so important to address your trauma to live a healthy and happy life. They also describe how to begin the healing process with compassion for yourself and others.

Throughout our guide, we’ll connect Perry and Winfrey’s ideas to those in other popular books on trauma, such as Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score . We’ll also elaborate on the authors’ main themes, such as trauma’s impact and the healing process. Finally, we’ll provide information and resources to help those struggling with trauma find high-quality care.

1-Page Summary 1-Page Book Summary of What Happened to You?

In What Happened to You? , Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey discuss how trauma affects the brain. In particular, they explain how traumatic events suffered in childhood have a lasting impact on development, behavior, and relationships. They maintain that by understanding this impact, trauma survivors can begin to heal and move forward.

For more than three decades, Perry and Winfrey have worked together on the topic of childhood trauma. Perry is an internationally renowned expert on how trauma affects the developing brain, and Winfrey has used her platform as a talk show host, actress, and author to increase awareness of the issue. Their partnership helped lead to the passage...

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What Happened to You? Summary Part 1: Understanding Trauma

Before discussing how trauma impacts the brain, we first need to talk about what trauma is . Perry and Winfrey note that our society uses the term “trauma” very broadly. We sometimes refer to misfortunes as “traumatic,” such as failing an exam or receiving a negative review at work. We also might use the word to refer to an uncomfortable situation, such as watching violent news footage. The authors acknowledge that these types of events can cause distress and can even be traumatic for some people. But they urge us to use the word “trauma” carefully.

Perry explains that in psychology, trauma is difficult to define. This is because people can experience and react to the same event in different ways. For example, an earthquake might destroy one child’s home, causing severe trauma. But in a different part of the city, another child might experience only a slight shaking, which causes alarm but not lasting trauma.

Because of these difficulties, Perry and Winfrey stop short of defining trauma. Instead, they suggest that all trauma has two factors: a stress response , or the body’s reaction to a difficult event; and the lasting impact of that event. The extent and...

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What Happened to You? Summary Part 2: Childhood Trauma

In the last section, we discussed the two basic elements of trauma: a heightened stress response and a lasting impact. These elements are common for trauma experienced at any age. However, in What Happened to You? , Perry and Winfrey are particularly interested in childhood trauma—trauma experienced during the formative years of development. In this section, we’ll discuss this type of trauma, including how it impacts the brain and its consequences in the short and long term.

Childhood Trauma’s Impact on the Developing Brain

While experiencing trauma at any stage of life can impact our wellbeing and mental health, Perry and Winfrey explain that childhood trauma has especially severe and long-lasting effects. This is because so much of our brain development happens during the first few years of life. As a result, our childhood experiences are foundational to our worldview, personality, and behavior.

(Shortform note: Scientists disagree on whether our worldview, personality, and behavior depend more on nature (the genetic material in our DNA) or nurture (our childhood experiences), as Perry and Winfrey suggest. However, recent research suggests that [personality...

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What Happened to You? Summary Part 3: The Healing Process

In the previous section, we discussed how trauma can have short-term and long-term impacts on our worldview, behavior, and relationships. Fortunately, there are ways of addressing and working through trauma to help us heal and develop healthy relationships.

Perry and Winfrey maintain that every person going through trauma has a different background and different needs. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to trauma.

(Shortform note: While doctors agree that there is no one-size-fits-all care plan for trauma, there are common guidelines that care providers can follow. For example, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network uses the Psychological First Aid model , which outlines several “core actions” that doctors should perform. These include speaking to the patient with compassion and understanding, stabilizing symptoms, connecting the patient to support networks, and offering practical assistance to the patient and their family. While the details of each case will be different, these “core actions” help doctors make sure that they’re providing...

Shortform Exercise: Explore Your Childhood Memories

Perry and Winfrey maintain that our early childhood memories have a formative impact on our worldview, behavior, and personality. In this exercise, we’ll explore how your own childhood memories and associations have influenced the way you see the world.

Think about a difficult memory from your childhood. Describe the memory in detail: What happened? What sensory information (smells, sights, tastes, and sounds) do you remember?

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What Happened to You? - critical summary review

This microbook is a summary/original review based on the book:   What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

Available for:  Read online, read in our mobile apps for iPhone/Android and send in PDF/EPUB/MOBI to Amazon Kindle .

ISBN:   1250223180

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Critical summary review

Our past shapes who we are today - it determines our personality, behavior, and motives for  our actions. For this reason, when a person is struggling with pain or any crisis, you should ask what happened to them rather than asking what is wrong with them. According to Oprah Winfrey and brain and trauma expert Bruce Perry, answering this question might help us know a little more about how experiences - both good and bad - define us. So, get ready to hear how numerous personal stories, including Oprah’s experience with trauma, combined with brain science, can help you reshape your own life.

Oprah’s story

    When she reflects on her childhood, the most pervasive feeling Oprah remembers is feeling like she was a burden to everyone. Her mother and father were together only once when they made love under the oak tree near the house where Oprah’s mother Vernita lived. ‘’My father, Vernon, used to tell me I would never have been born if he hadn’t been curious about what was underneath my mother’s pink poodle skirt,’’ Oprah writes. She spent her early childhood with her grandmother, who used to beat her regularly, and her grandfather, who was usually shooing her away with his cane whenever she would come near him.

    One of the worst beatings Oprah recalls happened on a Sunday morning, before a visit to the church, after Hattie Mae sent little Oprah to pump water on a well behind their house. As she waited for the bucket to fill with water, she was playing by twirling her fingers in the water, as any child might. Sadly, this sent her grandmother into a rage, as that was their drinking water. She grabbed Oprah and began whipping her so violently that her flesh welted. Then, on the way to church, she scolded Oprah for staining her dress with blood. The worst part after the beating was when her grandmother would demand her to wipe the tears and smile as if nothing happened. Oprah says this led her to believe that silence is the only way to end the pain quickly. ‘’For the next forty years,’’ she writes, ‘’that pattern of conditioned compliance—the result of deeply rooted trauma—would define every relationship, interaction, and decision in my life.’’

When people experience trauma, their brains find new ways to respond to circumstances, situations, and relationships. So, exploring the ways the brain reacts to stress or early trauma can help us cope with traumatic memories, understand and reshape our behavior for the better. As Oprah puts it, ‘’This is where hope lives for all of us—in the unique adaptability of our miraculous brains.’’

How trauma affects the brain

‘’What happened to you?” is not only a question to ask if you want to understand someone better, but also if you want to understand their brain. Each one of us has a personal history composed of our experiences. The events from our lives, places we visit, and the people we meet all influence the way our brain’s key systems function. As a result, every person perceives the world in their own unique way.

When Mike Roseman came to Dr. Perry’s office confused about his reaction to a motorcycle backfire, Perry immediately started looking at Mike’s behavior through the lens of his brain. What made him lie down on the ground with his hands over his head between parked cars when the motorcycle backfired? The thing is, Mike was a veteran of the Korean War and had seen lots of combat. During the war, his brain adapted to continuous threat, making his body sensitive to signals that referred to danger, which were the sounds of gunfire and shelling. For this reason, any sounds similar to these, such as those of fireworks or motorbike backfire, drew Mike’s attention with the potential to activate his fight or flight response.

You might wonder why Mike’s brain could not differentiate situations that posed a real threat to his life - such as the sound of gunfire - from those that brought almost no danger - such as the loud noise made by a motorcycle engine. The tricky part was that not all combat-related memories were in parts of the brain Mike could consciously control. Our brains are, as Perry says, ‘’four-layered cakes,’’ where bottom layers navigate less complex, mostly regulatory functions like body-temperature regulation, breathing, and heart rate. The top parts are responsible for complex functions, such as thinking, speaking, and planning. These parts also can ‘’tell time.’’

When we receive input from our senses, they first go into the lower layers and then to the upper parts. Therefore, when Mike heard a sound of a motorbike backfire, his brain activated stress response - before the information went to the upper brain parts that ‘’tell time.’’ For this reason, Mike’s initial reaction to the sound was to lie down and protect his head - the same as he did during combat.

Making sense of the world

    Mike Roseman was 24 years old when he was in a war. If traumatic experiences changed his brain, imagine how they modify the developing brains of infants or toddlers.

    From the moment a baby is born, its brain starts creating associations about how the world works, connecting external stimuli, such as sound, light, or smell, with personal experiences. Take eye contact as an example. It can refer to love, interest, or care, as well as fear or anger, depending on the child's experience. The truth is, children, especially the younger ones, absorb much more than we are aware of. Even when they don't understand the words, they sense nonverbal signs, like tone of voice. They can detect tension and hostility in angry speech and despair in a depressed one. And, since people think children don’t make sense of the world around them when they are young, they don’t protect them from negative experiences, thinking they would leave no impact on them. For instance, they curse in front of children, beat them, or act violently toward others. 

Oprah says numerous women who appeared on her show chose to stay in unhealthy relationships, believing their children were too young to feel any consequences. They would say something like, “Well, when he gets older, I’ll leave the abusive father.” What actually happens to children with abusive fathers is that their brains begin to associate men in general with threat, anger, and fear. For one boy Dr. Perry worked with, the  smell of Old Spice would trigger his stress response because that was deodorant his abusive father was using.

    Many phenomena of our everyday life are a direct consequence of the brain making sense of the world by creating associations and making memories. For instance, have you ever formed an unjustified bad first impression of someone? Considering your brain cataloged vast amounts of input from your past, it was likely because attributes of the person evoked something it previously stored as unpleasant.

Learning self-regulation 

Dr. Perry says that ‘’balance is the core of our health.’’ We feel and function the best when all our body’s systems have everything they need - when they are regulated and stabilized. When we lack something, we become dysregulated and feel discomfort. Therefore, we tend to return balance as fast as we can to avoid getting more upset. For instance, when we are hungry, we make ourselves a sandwich. If we are thirsty, we get a drink. In case we are cold, we look for warm clothes. 

Oprah and Dr. Perry emphasize that it is essential for parents to realize that ‘’learning healthy self-regulation actually begins in infancy.’’ Babies usually cry because they are hungry, thirsty, sleepy, or need their diapers changed. ‘’Crying is their way to get themselves back into balance,’’ writes Dr. Perry, ‘’to get their caregiver to do what has to be done in order for them to get back into balance.’’ 

There are several important neural networks involved in regulation. They include our stress-response systems, networks involved in forming and maintaining relationships and giving pleasure. When an adult regulates a distressed infant properly, it feels satisfaction that discomfort is gone and connects the interaction with a caregiver with reward and regulation. Consequently, these bonding experiences create an infant’s positive perception of people. In other words, if caregivers are attentive, responsive, and nurturing, infants learn that relationships with other people can be rewarding and regulating. 

Inadequate care of a hungry, scared or cold infant affects the child’s development negatively in two ways. First, it makes a child create a negative perception of people, and be distrustful of others. Second, stress-response systems in children with inadequate support from their caregivers are usually overactive and overly reactive. For instance, children living with domestic violence often find it hard to pay attention in class, as they are constantly looking for any signs of a potential threat in their environment. Drug addicts and alcoholics also serve as a great example of people with oversensitive stress systems. They usually use drugs and alcohol to get relief from the pain and distress they are constantly experiencing. 

Post-traumatic wisdom

    No matter how resilient a person is, they can never rebuild their pre-traumatic state completely. As Dr. Perry says, ‘’This is because our brain is changeable—malleable. It’s always changing.’’ Think of your brain as a metal hanger. If you want to change its shape, you can easily do it by applying force to it. Once you finish bending, it is impossible to return the hanger to its original state because the places where you bent it are now prone to breaking.

    As each of us has a unique brain, we respond to traumatic events and recover from them differently. Several techniques, though, turned out effective in healing trauma among a great number of people. One of them is surrounding yourself with people who are present, supportive, and nurturing. Dr. Perry once worked with a girl called Ally who had witnessed her mother's death and the suicide of her father. Ally lived in a close-knit community with around 30 cousins, aunts, and grandparents. She was active in church, played sports, and had supportive elementary school teachers. Although she coped with sadness from time to time, there were no significant changes in her behavior - she managed to develop into a happy, active, and engaging girl. ‘’Most therapeutic experience—most healing—happens outside of formal therapy,’’ writes Dr. Perry. ‘’Most healing happens in community.’’

Oprah says that the church had a significant role in her trauma healing. For her, it was a safe place where she sought help and comfort from other people. She writes, ‘’I see that a key to healing from trauma is finding your ‘church home’—your people, your community. This can help build resilience, posttraumatic healing, and ultimately post-traumatic wisdom.’’

    Activities based on patterned, repetitive movements are also an essential therapeutic tool. It is because rhythm is the core of a healthy body and mind. Most people  can think of something rhythmic that calms them down. Therefore, if you are distressed, find what naturally puts your body and mind back in balance. It can be anything - music, laughter, dancing, knitting, cooking, walking, swimming, listening to the sound of waves on the beach - as long as it naturally soothes you and ‘’helps you stay open to the goodness in you and in the world.’’

Final Notes

‘’What Happened To You?’’ is a fascinating piece of writing that gives us a powerful insight into human behavior. It helps us understand ourselves and others better, so it will, hopefully, make us more compassionate, less judgemental, and more tolerant of unusual behavior. Ultimately, it will help us realize that trauma is, in a way, a gift. It is up to us to decide whether we will use it to move forward or stay trapped in pain forever.

    Do you recognize any unhealthy patterns in your behavior? Reflect on your past experiences and try to figure out how they might have created them.

Who wrote the book?

Bruce D. Perry is a child psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and author. He is the principal of the Neurosequential Network, senior fellow of the ChildTrauma Academy, and an adjunct professor of psychiatry at the Northwestern University School of Medicine in Chicago. As a... (Read more)

Oprah Winfrey is a philanthropist, media executive, and talk show host best known for hosting “The Oprah Winfrey Show” from 1986 to 2011. After the last season, she launched her own television network, the Oprah Winfrey Network. Born in a rural town in Mississippi, t... (Read more)

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Read an Excerpt from Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry's New Book on Trauma and Resilience

"What Happened to You?" is a dialogue on how to navigate the path to healing.

Our editors handpick the products that we feature. We may earn commission from the links on this page.

If you're interested in hearing more about the book from the co-authors themselves, Oprah and Dr. Perry will be going on a virtual book tour , with events moderated by Gayle King, Rob Lowe, and more. Each event ticket includes a copy of What Happened to You? More information on the tour and how to access these events can be found here .

Below, read an excerpt from the introduction to the book, which unfolds as a dialogue between Oprah and Dr. Perry.

Oprah Winfrey:

“Stop your crying,” she would warn. “You better hush your mouth.” My face settled into stoic. My heart stopped racing. Biting hard into my lower lip so no words would escape me.

“I do this because I love you,” she’d repeat her defense in my ear.

As a young girl, I was “whupped” regularly. At the time, it was accepted practice for caregivers to use corporal punishment to discipline a child. My grandmother, Hattie Mae, embraced it. But even at three years old, I knew that what I was experiencing was wrong.

What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

One of the worst beatings I recall happened on a Sunday morning. Going to church played a major role in our lives. Just before we were to leave for service, I was sent to the well behind our house to pump water; the farmhouse where I lived with my grandparents did not have indoor plumbing. From the window, my grandmother caught a glimpse of me twirling my fingers in the water and became enraged. Though I was only daydreaming, innocently, as any child might, she was angry because this was our drinking water and I had put my fingers in it. She then asked me if I had been playing in the water and I said “no.” She bent me over and whipped me so violently, my flesh welted. Afterward, I managed to put on my white Sunday-best dress; blood began to seep through and stain the crisp fabric a deep crimson. Livid at the sight, she chastised me for getting blood on my dress, then sent me to Sunday school. In the rural South, this is how black children were raised. There wasn’t anyone I knew who wasn’t whupped.

I was beaten for the slightest reasons. Spilled water, a broken glass, the inability to keep quiet or still. I heard a black comedian once say, “The longest walk is to get your own switch.” I not only had to walk to get the switch, but, if there wasn’t one available, I had to go find one—a thin, young branch worked best, but if it was too thin I would have to braid two or three together to make it stronger. She often forced me to help her braid the switch. Sometimes the whup-pings would get saved up for Saturday night when I was naked and freshly bathed.

Afterwards, when I could barely stand, she would tell me to “wipe that pout” off my face and start smiling. Bury it as though it never happened.

Eventually I developed a keen sense of when trouble was brewing. I recognized the shift in my grandmother’s voice or the “look” that meant I had displeased her. She was not a mean person. I believe she cared for me and wanted me to be a “good girl.” And I understood that “hushing my mouth” or silence was the only way to ensure a quick end to punishment and pain. For the next forty years, that pattern of conditioned compliance—the result of deeply rooted trauma—would define every relationship, interaction, and decision in my life.

The long-term impact of being whupped—then forced to hush and even smile about it—turned me into a world-class people pleaser for most of my life. It would not have taken me half a lifetime to learn to set boundaries and say “no” with confidence had I been nurtured differently.

As an adult, I am grateful to enjoy long-term, consistent, loving relationships with many people. Yet the early beatings, emotional fractures, and splintered connections that I experienced with the central figures in my early life no doubt helped develop my solitary independence. In the powerful words of the poem “Invictus,” I am the captain of my soul and master of my fate.

Millions of people were treated just as I was as children and grew up believing their lives were of no value.

The long-term impact of being whupped—then forced to hush and even smile about it—turned me into a world-class people pleaser for most of my life.

My conversations with Dr. Bruce Perry and the thousands of people who were brave enough to share their stories with me on The Oprah Winfrey Show have taught me that the effects of my treatment by those who were supposed to care for me weren’t strictly emotional. There was also a biological response. Through my work with Dr. Perry, my eyes have been opened to the fact that although I experienced abuse and trauma as a child, my brain found ways to adapt.

This is where hope lives for all of us—in the unique adaptability of our miraculous brains. As Dr. Perry explains in this book, understanding how the brain reacts to stress or early trauma helps clarify how what has happened to us in the past shapes who we are, how we behave, and why we do the things we do.

Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.

Dr. Bruce Perry:

One morning in 1989, I was sitting in my lab—the Laboratory of Developmental Neurosciences at the University of Chicago—looking at the results of a recent experiment, when my lab assistant poked his head into my office. “Oprah’s calling you.”

“Yeah, right. Take a message.” I’d been up all night writing; the results of the experiment looked messed up. I wasn’t in the mood for a practical joke.

He smirked. “No. Really. It’s somebody from Harpo.”

There was no possible reason for Oprah to call me. I was a young academic child psychiatrist studying the impact of stress and trauma on development. Only a handful of people knew about my work; most of my psychiatry peers didn’t think much about the neurosciences or childhood trauma. The role of trauma as a major factor in physical and mental health was unexplored. I thought one of my friends was simply pranking me. But I took the call.

“Ms. Winfrey is convening a meeting of national leaders in the area of child abuse in Washington in two weeks. We would like you to attend.”

After more explanation, it became clear that the meeting would be attended by many well-known and well-established people and organizations. My work—studying the impact of trauma on the developing brain—would be lost among more politically accepted, dominant perspectives. I politely declined.

Several weeks later, I received another call. “Oprah is inviting you to a daylong retreat at her farm in Indiana. There will be two other people, you, and Oprah. We want to brainstorm solutions to the issue of child abuse.”

This time, with a chance to meaningfully contribute, I accepted.

The dominant voice that day was Andrew Vachss, an author and attorney specializing in representing children. His pioneering work highlighted the need to track known child abusers; at that point they could move from state to state, and there was no way to keep tabs on where they were or if they were complying with restrictions to avoid children. Our 1989 meeting in Indiana led to the 1991 draft-ing of the National Child Protection Act to establish a national database of convicted child abusers. On December 20, 1993, after two years of advocacy that included testifying before the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee, the “Oprah Bill” was signed into law.

That day in 1989 led to many more conversations. Some took place on The Oprah Winfrey Show to discuss specific children’s stories and campaigns on the importance of early childhood and brain development. Most of our conversations, however, were in the context of the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls (OWLAG), which Oprah founded in South Africa in 2007. This remarkable institution was created to select, support, educate, and enrich “disadvantaged” girls with high potential. The explicit intention was to create a cadre of future leaders. Many of these girls had demonstrated resilience and high academic achievement despite a range of adversities including poverty, traumatic loss, and community or intra-family violence. Early on, the school began to act on many of the concepts we discuss in this book; today, OWLAG is becoming a model of a trauma-sensitive, developmentally aware educational setting.

In 2018, I sat down with Oprah for a 60 Minutes story about “trauma-informed care.” Though only two minutes of our conversation ended up in the final segment, millions of people were watching and listening, and the excitement created in the community of professionals working in trauma was remarkable. But there is so much more to say.

The enthusiasm for our conversation was in part a reflection of Oprah's own enthusiasm for the importance of this topic. On CBS This Morning , Oprah told Gayle King that she would dance on table-tops to get people to pay attention to the impact of trauma on the developing brains of children. In a CBS News supplement to the 60 Minutes show, Oprah called it the most important story of her life.

Oprah has been talking about abuse, neglect, and healing for her entire career. Her dedication to educating people about trauma-related topics has been a hallmark of her shows. Millions of people have watched Oprah listen to, connect with, console, and learn from people with experience or expertise in trauma of all kinds. She has explored the impacts of traumatic loss, maltreatment, sexual abuse, racism, misogyny, domestic violence, community violence, gender and sexual identity issues, false imprisonment, and so much more, and through this has helped us explore health, healing, post-traumatic growth, and resilience.

For twenty-five years, The Oprah Winfrey Show took a deep and thoughtful look at developmental adversity, challenge, distress, stress, trauma, and resilience. She explored dissociative identity disorder in 1989; the importance of early-childhood experiences on brain development in 1997; the rights of adopted children in 2005; the impact of severe neglect in 2009; and much more. In many ways, her show paved the way for a larger, systemic awareness of these issues. Her final season included an episode featuring two hundred men, including Tyler Perry , disclosing their histories of sexual abuse. She has been and will continue to be a champion and guide for people impacted by adversity and trauma.

Oprah and I have been talking about trauma, the brain, resilience, and healing for more than thirty years, and this book is, in many ways, the culmination of those talks. It uses conversation and human stories to illuminate the science that underlies it all.

Asking the fundamental question “What happened to you?” can help each of us know a little more about how experiences—both good and bad—shape us.

There are far too many aspects of development, the brain, and trauma to cover in one book, especially a book written through stories. The language and concepts used in this book translate the work of thousands of scientists, clinicians, and researchers in fields ranging from genetics to epidemiology to anthropology. It is a book for anyone and everyone.

The title What Happened to You? signifies a shift in perspective that honors the power of the past to shape our current functioning. The phrase originated in the pioneering workgroup of Dr. SandraBloom, developer of the Sanctuary Model. In Dr. Bloom’s words:

We [the treatment team for Sanctuary] were in a team meeting sometime around 1991 on our inpatient unit, trying to describe the change that had happened to us in recognizing and responding to the issue of trauma, especially what has become known now as childhood adversity—as a causal issue for the problems of most of the people we were treating—and Joe Foderaro, LCSW, always good at pithy observations, said, “It’s that we have changed our fundamental question from ‘What’s wrong with you?’ to ‘What happened to you?’”

Oprah and I are convinced that asking the fundamental question “What happened to you?” can help each of us know a little more about how experiences—both good and bad—shape us. Our hope in sharing these stories and scientific concepts is that every reader will, in their own way, gain insights to help us all live better, more fulfilling lives.

Michelle Hart is the Assistant Books Editor of O, the Oprah Magazine. Other writing of hers has appeared on the Millions, the Rumpus, and the New Yorker . Her fiction has appeared in Joyland and Electric Literature. She has been awarded a fiction fellowship by the New York State Writers Institute and was once profiled in her hometown newspaper for being in the process of writing a novel--a novel she is still in the process of writing.

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Book Review: ‘What Happened to You?’ By Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey

• by Sam Howard

‘What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing’ by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey is nothing like any self-help book I’ve read. And if I define self-help as guidance for self-improvement, I wouldn’t even put ‘What Happened to You?’ under that genre because it’s more an exploration than a guide book – about how trauma affects us. 

The authors made me an active listener in their dialogue about trauma and healing, sharing their experience alongside explanations from brain science and human behavior. Their conversation gave me quite a few ‘Aha’ moments to think about and some habits I can develop in order to heal from some trauma that I still carry. Let me show you.

No products found.

‘What Happened to You?’ Overview

This book is written as a conversation between two professionals, each with remarkable achievements in their respective fields. 

Dr. Perry, a psychiatrist with focus on neuroscience, and Oprah Winfrey, the media personality, talk about how traumatic experiences in the formative years can have long-lasting, often unexpected impact. They emphasize that instead of asking ‘What’s wrong with you?’, framing that question as ‘What happened to you?’ is a better way of acknowledging the past trauma someone has gone through, shaping them to become who they are now. 

They show us how childhood trauma manifests in the adult self, walking us through what a traumatized brain needs in order to heal with examples from case studies and lived experiences from both Dr. Perry and Oprah.

‘What Happened to You?’ Book Review

Dr. Perry and Oprah have been friends and colleagues for more than 30 years over their shared interest in childhood trauma and its manifestations. Both have done a lot of work in their respective fields to provide a space for traumatized children and adults to grow resilient, heal, and thrive, so they bring expertise as well as personal experiences to the table discussing trauma, resilience, and healing. 

The book opens with a heartbreaking narrative from Oprah’s childhood about corporal punishment and its lasting impact:

“The long-term impact of being whupped—then forced to hush and even smile about it—turned me into a world-class people pleaser for most of my life. It would not have taken me half a lifetime to learn to set boundaries and say “no” with confidence had I been nurtured differently.” – Oprah, Introduction

With that, I realized how empowering it was to have Oprah carry out this conversation about trauma, resilience, and healing because she’s overcome her own struggles and is willing to talk about them openly, with empathetic understanding.

The first thing I learned from Oprah and Dr. Perry’s conversation is how lightly we take the term ‘trauma.’ I’m guilty of this myself, throwing the word around in everyday conversation, saying something along the lines of “I went through [minor inconvenience], that was so traumatic.” While it’s true that small things like words, gestures, or non-verbal cues can cause trauma, it’s hardly the case with, say, getting caught in a downpour, getting your coffee order messed up, or having to wear facemasks to work. 

Dr. Perry acknowledges the lack of a definite meaning for ‘trauma’ and how that has posed a roadblock for its study, giving us a loose definition to work with: 

“How can we study the impact of trauma if we can’t come up with a more standard definition?… a trauma has three key aspects—the event, the experience, and the effects. The complexities of these three interrelated components are what should be considered in clinical work and studied in research.” – Dr. Perry, Chapter 4

He tells us that trauma is relative, and two people can experience the same event in two different ways, causing trauma in one person and building resilience in the other. It made me think of how college was a demoralizing experience for me while most of my classmates did well – some undergrads even made it look fun. 

That said, I don’t want to erase the struggles that all of them no doubt had, nor do I want to claim I was traumatized by college, but what I mean to say is when experience itself is subjective and dependent on so many personal and social factors, we can hardly assume the effect of a traumatizing event is similar for everyone involved. 

The next lesson I learned about childhood trauma is that it can manifest in many forms. That friend who flinches when they hear a glass shattering, that colleague who gets outraged at a minor inconvenience, or that friend with perfectionist tendencies could all be behaving that way because of the experiences they had when they were kids. 

“Most people who are in the process of excavating the reasons they do what they do are met at some point with resistance. “You’re blaming the past.” “Your past is not an excuse.” This is true. Your past is not an excuse. But it is an explanation—offering insight into the questions so many of us ask ourselves: Why do I behave the way I behave? Why do I feel the way I do? For me, there is no doubt that our strengths, vulnerabilities, and unique responses are an expression of what happened to us.” – Oprah, Chapter 8

This is why, as Dr. Perry and Oprah emphasize, it’s important to ask “what happened to you?” instead of “what’s wrong with you?” because at the end of the day, how we behave is directly based on what happened to us as a child. The habits our brain picked up back then to protect us can be damaging to us years later, so that’s why we need to process our trauma, ‘regulate’ ourselves to better respond to external cues – and that brings us to my favorite part of this book. 

“Rhythm is essential to a healthy body and a healthy mind…For some of us, it is walking. For others, it’s doing needlework or riding a bike. Everyone has their go-to options when they feel out of sync, anxious, or frustrated. The common element is rhythm. Rhythm is regulating.” – Dr. Perry, Chapter 2

This reminded me how the sound of the sea waves breaking on the beach, a slow walk down a tree-lined boulevard, or soothing instrumental music can calm me down. That rhythm of the sea, walking, and music, I realized, is my brain’s way of self-regulating, helping me come down from an emotionally-heightened state to a balanced state of mind where I can think with reason instead of emotion. 

Dr. Perry and Oprah also discuss how another factor that can help us regulate ourselves and overcome trauma is community – or rather ‘connectedness.’

“…the best predictor of your current mental health is your current “relational health,” or connectedness. This connectedness is fueled by two things: the basic capabilities you’ve developed to form and maintain relationships, and the relational “opportunities” you have in your family, neighborhood, school, and so forth.” – Dr. Perry, Chapter 9

So basically, when you’re better connected to people who care about you and people you care about, the chances are high that you can handle stressors easily and overcome trauma – all because you have support. 

Reading this reminded me of a quote I love from the novel No products found. : “In Tswana, there is a saying: Go o ra motho, ga go lelwe. Where there is support, there is no grief.”   The first time I came across this quote was after I had lost someone I loved, and it resonated so much with me because I knew, without doubt, that I would have let the grief consume me if it weren’t for the support of my friends and family. And now, Dr. Perry’s words affirmed what I learned the hard way, that community and connectedness are lifelines to anyone at any given point in their lifetime. 

‘What Happened to You?’ struck a few chords in me and I finished reading the book with some understanding of how trauma can affect all of us, and how a little empathy and support can go a long way. 

While reading, I did get a little lost with the graphs and charts that Dr. Perry and Oprah added to the book (I’m mostly a words person, as you can see), but it wouldn’t have been too hard if I got the physical copy instead of the Kindle version so I could refer to the graphics whenever they came up in conversation. 

Don’t let my aversion to charts stop you from reading this book though. It’s an intelligent and insightful read that will have you reading slowly and pausing every now and then to think a little bit, and I’m pretty sure you’ll come across some ‘Aha’ moments of your own, just like I did. Now that I’ve (hopefully) convinced you to read this book, I’m off to walk to the beach like Dr. Perry and Oprah suggested and sit a little while listening to the waves, ideally with my best friend.

Who Should Read ‘What Happened to You?’

Anyone who’s been given a demeaning label from those around you, prompting you to ask yourself “what’s wrong with me?” should read this book at least once. It helps you understand where that label came from, asking ‘what happened to you’ instead of focusing on the guilt-inducing ‘what’s wrong with me.’ 

Even if you just simply want to understand yourself as a parent, a partner, or a child, this book is immensely insightful and impactful.

Books Similar to ‘What Happened to You?’

No products found. is a popular book in the same vein as ‘What Happened to You?’ exploring trauma, its impact, and the powerful ability of human relationships to both hurt and heal.

If you’d like to read a deeply personal account of overcoming trauma and reclaiming one’s self, No products found. is a moving memoir to dive in.

Final Thoughts

This thought-provoking conversation between two professionals sheds light on trauma and how to overcome it, citing real life examples and personal anecdotes.

Though sometimes tough to read because of the sensitive subject, ‘ No products found. ’ teaches you how childhood trauma can have an unprecedented impact on growing up as well as on adulthood. All is not bleak however, because the effects of trauma can be minimized and you can grow resilient – provided you have the right support system.

Yes. No products found. is about trauma and how you can grow resilient and heal from it, giving fresh perspectives on what counts as trauma and how it can impact us. It’s definitely worth a read.

No products found. is a self-help book but instead of a step-by-step guidance that’s common in the genre, this book offers insights and information for us to guide ourselves.

My key takeaway from this book is how we should reframe our thinking when it comes to tackling trauma in ourselves as well as other people. The right question to ask is “what happened to you?” instead “what’s wrong with you?” because the former acknowledges someone’s trauma instead of the latter which criticizes the behavior that stemmed from the trauma.

‘What Happened to You?’ is 304 pages long.

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• Aug 22, 2021

A short review of the book, What Happened to You?

By Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey; Blog written by Fiona McInally, Board Member

WHAT IS TRAUMA? How do we experience it? How does it impact us? How does it affect our mind, our body and our behavior? These are just some of the questions that Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey dive into, in their refreshingly accessible book released in April 2021 entitled “What Happened to you?

Dr. Bruce Perry openly acknowledges the challenges in studying and supporting those suffering from traumatic stress when mental health professionals and others don’t always align on a common definition. He describes the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)’s working definition of aspects of trauma that will create traumatic stress as the three “E’s”: the traumatic EVENT; the EXPERIENCE of the traumatic event by the individual, and the EFFECT of the traumatic event.

Dr. Perry uses the recent COVID 19 pandemic to distinguish how for some people this experience has been traumatic, but for others it has been deeply stressful but not traumatic. And for others it has been a resilience-building experience. Why is this?

As a neuroscientist, Dr. Perry offers that we need to look how certain events change the brain by how they activate the stress-response systems. With this our understanding expands to “quieter, less obvious experiences” such as trauma that arises from humiliation or shaming or other emotional abuse by parents or the marginalization of a minority child in a majority community. That is because these can with repetition sensitize the stress response systems and result in long-term post traumatic effects in the brain and the rest of the body. So to determine the specific effects on your health, Dr. Perry argues that we need to dig in deep to the following questions:

What happened to you?

When in your developmental stage did the traumatic events occur?

What is your history of previous trauma?

What is your family’s trauma?

Then just as importantly what if any buffering capacity of healthy relationships, family and community do you have?

The authors discuss the Adverse Childhood Experience study (and resulting scores) as a beginning guide, but not enough to understand the whole history of “what happened to you”. One key element that Dr. Perry stresses is the timing of the trauma. How old was the person when the trauma occurred? He provides startling evidence that trauma is most damaging for a child that experiences trauma prenatally or postnatally in the first few months of life (before the child is verbal). Children who don’t have trauma in the early months, but then experience years of chaos, threat, instability and trauma do much better than those children who experience trauma in the early months but then experience years of attentive and supportive care. As an adoptive mom this was sobering news.

Dr. Perry and Oprah share lots of examples of children suffering from trauma whose challenging and antisocial behavior drives the typical question of “what’s wrong with you?" and a desire to diagnose with a syndrome. Dr. Perry suggests that in all of these cases the diagnosis should be “What do you expect?” The authors challenge us all to reframe the question and ask instead “what happened to you? This leads to an understanding of what the individual needs to heal.

This book is deeply hopeful and constructive in sharing how brains can heal; how children and adults can heal trauma and experience post-traumatic growth. The authors discuss at length how with regular connection and regulation moment to moment, neural networks can heal. The authors describe the importance of rhythms of movement and nature and all types of somatic work, including therapeutic work with animals to help with regulation. They also acknowledge the deeply restorative effects of empathy, connection and relationships. As Dr. Perry says “relationships are the currency of change”.

This is why we are so passionate at The Wild Hope about the power of working with horses to help survivors of complex trauma. And we are equally passionate about supporting community by creating a safe space to heal and foster belonging and connection. We know that with time this work can heal deep seated trauma – trauma that began as a child or that was passed from one generation to the next. That is the Wild Hope that we invite you to share with everyone.

Fiona McInally is a self described “Justice-Seeking Jesus Feminist”, who is passionate about the vision and goals of The Wild Hope. Her day jobs include being an attorney working in technology and, along with her husband of 23 years, embracing openness in their adoptive family. Fiona has been involved in advocacy, education and community service to tackle the issue of Human Trafficking in Central Texas since 2011.

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What Happened To You?

63 pages • 2 hours read

What Happened To You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

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Introduction-Chapter 2

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Chapters 5-6

Chapters 7-8

Chapter 9-Epilogue

Key Figures

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Chapter 5 Summary and Analysis: “Connecting the Dots”

Content Warning: This section contains mentions and descriptions of self-harm

This chapter examines the relationship between one’s history and current physical and emotional state, especially in the context of trauma .

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What happened to you, common sense media reviewers.

Sweet story offers representation, promotes empathy.

A Lot or a Little?

What you will—and won't—find in this book.

The plot implicitly teaches young readers to act w

Honor differences. Consider the feelings of others

Despite how many times the kids ask Joe what happe

The main character, Joe, has one leg. Children at

When the children try to figure out what happened

Parents need to know that What Happened To You? is a story exploring empathy and inclusion, written by James Catchpole, who is an amputee and illustrated by Karen George. Catchpole, like main character Joe, conveys the message that it's good to teach children about differences, but that teaching can be done…

Educational Value

The plot implicitly teaches young readers to act with manners and empathy when meeting someone with a disability. The author's note is written to adults and gives specific steps for dealing with moments when children's curiosity comes across as intrusive or rude.

Positive Messages

Honor differences. Consider the feelings of others. We're all human.

Positive Role Models

Despite how many times the kids ask Joe what happened to him, he holds on to his dignity by not answering the question and instead engages in play to show that he is just another kid like they are. Simone senses Joe's frustration with the question, and turns everyone's attention back to playing.

Diverse Representations

The main character, Joe, has one leg. Children at the playground reflect a variety of ethnicities and skin colors.

Did we miss something on diversity? Suggest an update.

Violence & Scariness

When the children try to figure out what happened to Joe's leg, some come up with ideas like a burglar taking it or lions biting it. Some illustrations playfully reflect those ideas.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Violence & Scariness in your kid's entertainment guide.

Parents Need to Know

Parents need to know that What Happened To You? is a story exploring empathy and inclusion, written by James Catchpole, who is an amputee and illustrated by Karen George. Catchpole, like main character Joe, conveys the message that it's good to teach children about differences, but that teaching can be done without making a teachable moment out of someone who is disabled . The author's note at the end of the book outlines suggestions for adults whose curious children naively encounter a disabled person with unknowingly intrusive questions. He advises adults to "Answer simply and generally" and to model manners and empathy. The book captures the naivete of childhood, using children of a variety of backgrounds, while also communicating the universal nature of the human experience.

Where to Read

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What's the Story?

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? opens with young Joe playing imaginative games at the playground, only to be brought back to reality as multiple kids begin to ask the personal question: What happened to you? James only has one leg, and his peers want to know why. Their curiosity leads them to propose outlandish and outrageous ideas about what happened to Joe's other leg -- "Did it fall off?" and "Was it a lion?" All of this leads Joe to grow increasingly frustrated. But when one girl squashes the question to get back to playing, Joe and the rest of the kids follow suit. Now, instead of being referred to as "Kid One" and "Kid Number Four", the kids at the playground have names, showing readers that a little bit of empathy goes a long way to humanize us all.

Is It Any Good?

James Catchpole's first picture book is a win, offering representation for the differently abled and a lesson in respect for the typically abled. What Happened To You? is honestly written and sweetly illustrated to capture the curiosity of small children. Yet regardless of how curious little ones may be, author James Catchpole teaches that not every question yields an answer. The book shifts an awkward experience to a unifying moment that small kids can relate to. There's so much to teach through this simple story about sensitivity - perhaps most importantly, the idea that people who are disabled shouldn't automatically be a teachable moment.

Talk to Your Kids About ...

Families can talk about empathy in What Happened to You ? Why did Joe feel frustrated when the other kids kept asking what happened to his leg? How did Joe feel when the other kids started playing with him without asking what happened to him? Why?

Think about your friends. How are you alike? How are you different?

Why do you think the author wrote this story? What did he want readers to learn? Did you learn the lesson?

Book Details

• Author : James Catchpole
• Illustrator : Karen George
• Genre : Picture Book
• Topics : Adventures , Friendship
• Character Strengths : Empathy
• Book type : Fiction
• Publisher : Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
• Publication date : April 11, 2023
• Publisher's recommended age(s) : 4 - 8
• Number of pages : 40
• Available on : Paperback, Hardback, iBooks, Kindle
• Award : Common Sense Selection
• Last updated : October 30, 2023

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'What Happened to You?' kids book teaches about limb differences

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His Novel Sold a Million Copies. James McBride Isn’t Sure How He Feels About That.

“The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store” has been a runaway critical and commercial success. When you’ve been David all your life, everything changes “when you become Goliath.”

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By Elizabeth A. Harris

When people ask the author James McBride what he does for work, he tells them he’s a saxophone player.

In a sense, that is true enough. He runs a small music program at a church in Brooklyn and spends much of his time playing the tenor and soprano sax in the basement of his New Jersey home, which he’s soundproofed so the noise doesn’t bother his neighbors.

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But McBride, 66, makes his living as an author — and right now, that living is very good. His latest novel, “The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store,” which follows the Black and Jewish residents of a Pennsylvania town in the early 20th century, hit a milestone: Since its release last summer, it has sold more than a million copies. Most authors are lucky to sell 10,000 books.

McBride, who has written eight books, has found success before. His novel “The Good Lord Bird” won the National Book Award. “Deacon King Kong” was an Oprah Book Club pick and a New York Times best seller. His debut, “The Color of Water,” a memoir about his white Jewish mother, Ruth, got off to a slow start but began spreading by word of mouth once it was out in paperback. Eventually, it sold more than 2 million copies.

But sales as fast and robust as McBride is seeing now are vanishingly rare, especially in the world of literary fiction. And while he is certainly grateful for his success, McBride does not seem all that comfortable with it.

“You’ve been David all your life, and you become Goliath,” he said, sitting at a worn, wooden table in his kitchen. “Your life changes when you become Goliath.”

McBride grew up in Brooklyn and Queens with 11 siblings, on precarious financial footing “just short of welfare,” he said. His mother, Ruth McBride Jordan, raised her children taking advantage of free cultural events in New York City and free lunches at school. As adults, her children became, among other things, doctors, professors and teachers.

His mother, an Orthodox Jew, was born in Poland as Ruchel Dwajra Zylska and raised in Virginia. At 17, she left home and found her way to Harlem, where she converted to Christianity and married a Black minister, Andrew D. McBride.

His parents founded the New Brown Memorial Baptist Church in their living room on Hicks Street, McBride said. He still teaches English as a second language there every Saturday and runs the music program. (McBride’s father died while his mother was pregnant with him.)

“My first book was about me, unfortunately,” he said. “‘Because of ‘The Color of Water,’ I became the Black Jewish Guy. And what do I know about that? I can’t even balance my checkbook.”

Since then, his books have all been about other people, mostly imagined.

McBride learned to be a novelist, he said, by being a reporter. After graduating from Oberlin College, where he threw himself into playing jazz, he worked as a journalist at newspapers including The Boston Globe and The Washington Post.

“You learn to walk into a room and smell the room, eat the food, count the room,” he said. “You just draw the story out of the room. That’s what journalism teaches you.”

That reporter’s instinct has stayed with him. McBride spent months in the South doing research for “The Good Lord Bird” and went on several trips to Pottstown, Pa., so he could write “The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store.”

“The greatest thing about him is his interactions with people on the street,” said Patrick Strzelec, a sculptor and friend of McBride’s. “He’ll talk to everyone and pull information from them somehow.”

McBride has been a working author for about 30 years, but the success of “The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store” has been extraordinary. Kristen McLean, the executive director for Circana Books and Entertainment, said sales of this magnitude generally come from memoirs by exceptionally high-profile authors, or the release of a new book in a popular series.

“The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store,” by contrast, found its success in large part through support from bookstores, McLean said. The novel was chosen as the best book of 2023 by both Barnes & Noble and Amazon, and was supported by independent stores, as well. And then there’s the strength of the novel itself, which is a story of justice, love and community that has resonated with readers, she said.

“There are writers who are interested in story, writers who are interested in character, writers who are interested in place and writers who are interested in voice,” said Jake Morrissey, McBride’s editor and an executive editor at Riverhead. “He manages, either by intention or by some other alchemy, to be able to hold all four of those strains in his hands at once.”

Despite his accomplishments, McBride’s tastes remain sensible and pragmatic. He lives in a small city in central New Jersey in a brick house that used to be a grocery store. He likes cars, but he doesn’t buy fancy ones — his current ride is a white Chevy Bolt. He has an apartment in Brooklyn, so he has a place to stay while teaching at New York University, where he is a writer in residence, but his apartment building is a simple brick co-op without fancy amenities.

Even his garden skews toward common sense. McBride said he likes to grow broccoli, tomatoes, kale and potatoes. But not flowers. “All the practical stuff,” he said.

His home in New Jersey is packed with instruments — a grand piano dominates the living room, and a drum set and an electric bass guitar keep the saxophones company in the basement. But aside from the music, his house is mostly quiet, and he said he misses the busy family life he grew up with. His children are grown and he is divorced; his partner lives elsewhere in New Jersey.

There are stacks of books and papers on his scuffed wooden desk, beside a typewriter with green keys that he’ll sometimes use when feeling stuck. McBride says he reads mostly nonfiction, though recently, he has been into John le Carré. He likes le Carré’s voice and his narrative power, McBride said, but he also read his memoir and a biography because he was curious about the man.

“Here was a guy who was really successful. Super successful. Far more successful than I am,” McBride said. “I just wanted to see if he was happy, you know?”

McBride is grateful if still a little surprised with the freedom success affords him — he said he was somewhat baffled that he could afford to soundproof his basement so he could play his saxophone more freely. But he is, all the same, suspicious of the distraction that public literary fame can become.

“I’ve always steered clear of the hubbub of the business,” McBride said. “Because it doesn’t help me do my job."

And that, he said, “is to listen to people.”

Read by Elizabeth A. Harris

Audio produced by Adrienne Hurst .

  More about Elizabeth A. Harris

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What is Good Friday? What the holy day means for Christians around the world

Christians around the world observe Good Friday two days before Easter, but what is it, and why do they commemorate the holy day?

The holiday is part of Holy Week, which leads up to Easter Sunday. Palm Sunday kicks off the series of Christian holy days that commemorate the Crucifixion and celebrate Jesus Christ's resurrection.

"Good Friday has been, for centuries now, the heart of the Christian message because it is through the death of Jesus Christ that Christians believe that we have been forgiven of our sins," Daniel Alvarez, an associate teaching professor of religious studies at Florida International University, told USA TODAY.

What is Holy Saturday? What the day before Easter means for Christians around the world

When is Good Friday?

Good Friday is always the Friday before Easter. It's the second-to-last day of Holy Week.

In 2024, Good Friday will fall on March 29.

What is Good Friday?

Good Friday is the day Christ was sacrificed on the cross. According to Britannica , it is a day for "sorrow, penance, and fasting."

"Good Friday is part of something else," Gabriel Radle, an assistant professor of theology at the University of Notre Dame, previously told USA TODAY. "It's its own thing, but it's also part of something bigger."

Are Good Friday and Passover related?

Alvarez says that Good Friday is directly related to the Jewish holiday, Passover.

Passover , or Pesach, is a major Jewish holiday that celebrates the Israelites’ exodus from Egypt.

"The whole Christian idea of atoning for sin, that Jesus is our atonement, is strictly derived from the Jewish Passover tradition," said Alvarez.

How is that possible?

According to the professor, Passover celebrates the day the "Angel of Death" passed over the homes of Israelites who were enslaved by the Egyptians. He said that the Bible states when the exodus happened, families were told to paint their doors with lamb's blood so that God would spare the lives of their firstborn sons.

Alvarez says this is why Christians call Jesus the "lamb of God." He adds that the symbolism of the "blood of the lamb" ties the two stories together and is why Christians believe God sacrificed his firstborn son. Because, through his blood, humanity is protected from the "wrath of a righteous God that cannot tolerate sin."

He adds that the stories of the exodus and the Crucifixion not only further tie the stories together but also emphasize just how powerful the sacrifice of the firstborn and the shedding of blood are in religion.

"Jesus is the firstborn, so the whole idea of the death of the firstborn is crucial," said Alvarez.

He adds that the sacrifice of the firstborn, specifically a firstborn son, comes from an ancient and "primitive" idea that the sacrifice unleashes "tremendous power that is able to fend off any kind of force, including the wrath of God."

Why Is Good Friday so somber?

Alavarez says people might think this holiday is more depressing or sad than others because of how Catholics commemorate the Crucifixion.

"I think [it's] to a level that some people might think is morbid," said Alvarez.

He said Catholics not only meditate on Jesus' death, but primarily focus on the suffering he faced in the events that led up to his Crucifixion. That's what makes it such a mournful day for people.

But, the professor says that Jesus' suffering in crucial to Christianity as a whole.

"The suffering of Christ is central to the four Gospels," said Alvarez. "Everything else is incidental."

According to the professor, statues that use blood to emphasize the way Jesus and Catholic saints suffered is very common in Spanish and Hispanic Countries, but not as prevalent in American churches.

Do you fast on Good Friday?

Father Dustin Dought, the executive director of the Secretariat of Divine Worship of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, previously told USA TODAY that Good Friday and Ash Wednesday are the two days in the year that Roman Catholics are obliged to fast.

"This practice is a way of emptying ourselves so that we can be filled with God," said Dought.

What do you eat on Good Friday?

Many Catholics do not eat meat on any Friday during Lent. Anything with flesh is off-limits. Dought says this practice is to honor the way Jesus sacrificed his flesh on Good Friday.

Meat that is off limits includes:

Instead, many Catholics will eat fish. According to the Marine Stewardship Council , this is allowed because fish is considered to be a different type of flesh.

Contributing: Jordan Mendoza ; USA TODAY