examples of paraphrasing in counselling

Paraphrasing in Counselling

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In essence, paraphrasing is a micro skill that allows counselors to create an authentic bond with their clients Together with encouraging and summarizing, paraphrasing plays a crucial role in therapeutic communication, making the client feel understood and listened to. In other words, paraphrasing in counseling is what makes the client say, “ Finally, someone who understands what I’m going through.” Without this essential ingredient, counseling sessions would be nothing more than dull and impersonal exchanges of ideas.

What is the difference between reflecting and paraphrasing in Counseling?

Paraphrasing and reflecting are close synonyms for most people, both playing a crucial role in any form of communication.

Although paraphrasing and reflecting are fundamental counseling communication skills [1], these two processes can have slightly different connotations in a therapeutic context.

In essence, reflecting is like putting a mirror in front of your clients, helping them gain a better sense of the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors they experienced in a situation that has meaning for them.

Of course, this does not mean you have to parrot their message; simply highlight the link between different ideas and emotions and how one influences the other.

When reflecting, it is vital to match the client’s tone and even body language so that he/she knows that you’ve received the message and the feelings that accompany his/her story.

On the other hand, paraphrasing is about capturing the essence of their story with a brief statement that emphasizes the underlying emotional vibe.

This technique is particularly useful when clients know how ideas and emotions can merge to create a subjective experience, but you want them to feel understood and listened to.

In a way, we could argue that paraphrasing is a brief version of reflecting.

Let’s look at a brief example of paraphrasing in counseling:

Client: I had a huge fight with Andrew last night. At some point, he stormed out and didn’t come back ‘til morning. I tried calling him all night, but his phone was switched off. I was worried sick and thought he did something stupid. This whole thing was like a nightmare that I could not wake up from.

Therapist : It seems this unpleasant event has put you through a lot of fear and anxiety.

Now let’s take a look at reflecting:

Therapist : I can only imagine how terrifying it must have felt to see your partner storm out after a huge fight without telling you where he is going or when he’ll be back.

As you can see, both processes require active listening. But while paraphrasing is a short statement that highlights the emotional tone of the situation, a reflective response captures “the vibe” of the story, along with other essential details.

How do you paraphrase?

Start by listening.

Whether the purpose is to paraphrase or reflect, listening is always the first step.

Through active listening, counselors gain a better sense of what their clients have experienced in a particular situation. Active listening means looking beyond the surface and trying to connect with the client on an emotional level.

To achieve this level of emotional depth, counselors listen with both their ears and their hearts. That means putting themselves in their clients’ shoes and zeroing in on the emotional aspect of the experience.

Focus on feelings and thoughts rather than circumstances

When we listen to another person’s story, the most visible aspects are related to the actual events that he or she has gone through.

But details like names, dates, locations, or other circumstantial issues are less relevant than how the person interpreted and consequently felt in a particular situation.

When it comes to paraphrasing, counselors are trained to look beyond circumstances and identify why a client has chosen to talk about a particular event.

In almost every case, the reason is a set of emotional experiences.

Capture the essence of the message

Although people can experience a wide range of emotions in a given situation or context, there’s always an underlying feeling that defines how they react.

That underlying emotional vibe is the “golden nugget” that counselors are looking to capture and express through paraphrasing.

If done right, paraphrasing in counseling creates an emotional bridge that sets the foundation for authentic and meaningful interactions. This will encourage clients to open up and share their struggles.

Offer a brief version of what has been said

The last step is providing a concise version that highlights the emotional tone of the story.

Once this message reaches the client, it creates a sense of understanding that builds trust and authentic connection.

Long story short, paraphrasing is a valuable tool for cultivating empathy and facilitating therapeutic change.

How does paraphrasing help in communication?

Cultivating clarity (on both sides).

Any form of communication, whether it’s a therapeutic process, a negotiation, or a casual chat between friends, involves exchanging ideas.

And when people exchange ideas and opinions, there’s always the risk of confusion and misunderstanding.

By paraphrasing what the other person has shared, not only that you cultivate empathy, but you also let him/her know that the message has been received and understood correctly.

Research indicates that paraphrasing in counseling helps clients clarify their issues. [2] The more clients understand the inner-workings of their problems, the better they can adjust their coping strategies.

In a nutshell, paraphrasing eliminates ambiguity and paves the way for clarity.

Facilitating emotional regulation

One of the main functions of paraphrasing is to build empathy between two or more people engaged in conversation.

But the effects of paraphrasing on emotions extend way beyond empathy and understanding.

One study revealed that empathic paraphrasing facilitates extrinsic emotional regulation. [3] People who receive empathy through paraphrasing feel understood, and that prompts them to engage in a more intense emotional regulation process.

What starts as extrinsic emotional regulation slowly becomes intrinsic emotional regulation. This is the reason why someone who’s going through a rough patch can feel better by merely talking to a person who listens in an empathic manner and doesn’t necessarily hand out solutions or practical advice.

Paraphrasing can be a vital skill in heated arguments where two people have opposing views that result in emotional turmoil.

If one of them manages to exercise restraint over their intense emotional reactions and tries to paraphrase what the other shares, it could change the whole dynamic of the conversation.

What is the role of paraphrasing in listening?

As we discussed throughout this article, paraphrasing is one of the critical aspects of active listening.

It’s what turns a passive individual who listens only to have something to say when it’s his/her turn to speak into an active listener who understands and resonates on an emotional level.

Furthermore, paraphrasing is a means by which we provide valuable feedback on the topic of discussion, keeping the conversation alive.

It is also the tool that allows therapists to build safe spaces where clients feel comfortable enough to unburden their souls by sharing painful experiences and gaining clarity.

To sum up, paraphrasing in counseling is a vital micro skill that creates an authentic connection, providing clients with the opportunity to experience a sense of understanding.

Knowing there is someone who resonates with your emotional struggles makes your problems seem less burdensome.

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How Can Paraphrasing Be Used in Counseling? (3+ Main Indications)

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In this article, we will be discussing the topic: paraphrasing in counseling, which is one of the main counseling skills of a counselor. We will be looking at nature, importance, and the way of using this skill in the process of counseling.

Paraphrasing in counseling

Paraphrasing refers to one of the counseling skills which holds paramount importance in the process of counseling. It is that skill which the counselor uses to repeat what the client has said at the present moment using fewer words and without any intention of changing the meaning of what the client conveyed through his words.

The main intention behind paraphrasing is to feedback on the essence of what the person has just said. Paraphrasing is useful in the following situations:

When you want to let the client know that you are actively listening and understanding the information provided by the client
When you want to clear and clarify doubts concerning confusing content, given by the client.
When you want to highlight issues that need more explanation and precision
When you want to evaluate the accuracy of your perceptions as a counselor.

Though paraphrasing looks quite simple and quick, it demands a sufficient amount of concentration and articulation skills from the side of the counselor. It is more difficult than it appears to be. While paraphrasing the words of the client, they should not end up feeling interrupted or misunderstood, in the process. The paraphrase should be kept, short, precise, and simple. There must be no unwanted complications or assumptions involved in it.

Although, if the paraphrase is kept too short, it would make the client feel confused and sometimes, dejected for being interrupted in between. Hence, paraphrasing must be initiated and put into action in a non-complex and understanding manner. It is very important to practice paraphrases that come in various lengths, variations of content, or emphasis of the wording. This will help you to understand what works best for your intentions and goals, as a counselor.

It is also important to understand that over-reliance on paraphrasing to the point of avoidance of reflection is indicative of discomfort on the part of the counselor, for encouraging the client to be emotionally open and expressive.

Emphasis on essence

The intention of a counselor, when using paraphrases must be to reveal the essence of the client’s words. The client should get clarity, in terms of the paraphrases you use to communicate with them and must not feel confused or at loss for words once they’ve heard you out. They must be able to smoothly continue with their communication and not be intimidated or taken aback by your choice of words.

Growth of empathy

Paraphrasing in counseling has a huge impact on the relationship between the therapist and the client. First ad foremost, it aids both the therapist and client to feel heard and understood. This forms the foundation for the client-therapist relationship. The client feels more free and brave to share their innermost and private experiences with the therapist. In turn, the therapist actively listens to the client and provide genuine feedback to the client on the most relevant parts of the client’s information using paraphrasing.

If paraphrasing is carried out accurately and without the creation of confusion, it helps the client in recognizing the effort of the therapist and the amount of empathy the therapist holds for their state of mind. Hence, paraphrasing, in one way, helps in building the empathetic relationship between the client and the therapist which is important as empathy is not a one-way transaction.

This is because it is important for the client to feel the empathy that is being conveyed by the counselor. Empathy is not just the counselor being able to put themselves in the client’s state of mind and understand their issues. It also involves the client receiving the empathetic energy that is being conveyed through the words and actions of the counselor.

A form of acknowledgment

Paraphrasing is a form of acknowledgment that is provided by the counselor. This is done by mindfully restating the words of the client, conveying empathy, acceptance, and genuineness. A therapist’s role does not comprise of reading the minds of the clients or assuming their emotional states. Hence, it is very essential to learn the art of rephrasing the client’s words briefly and acknowledge them with honesty.

By engaging in paraphrasing, you are letting the client know that you are understanding what they are trying to convey and you are ready to be corrected in case of any misunderstanding.

The important thing to be kept in mind is not to make judgemental statements or use biased terms in the form of paraphrases. This puts off the client and makes him/her trust the therapist less. You must allow the client to come to conclusions on their own and not put words in their mouth.

Tone of voice

It is a good thing to keep a tab on the tone of voice used with the client while paraphrasing the client’s words. Be mindful of the following:

A high or low voice
A loud or soft voice
Fast or slow voice
Accommodating or demanding
A lighthearted or gloomy voice

Be aware of the moderations used in voice, pitch, tone, and your body language as well. The client places an immense amount of trust in the therapist and they tend to remember how the therapist made them feel, at the end of the process. Therefore, it is imperative to be careful and gentle while dealing with clients and the information they provide. At the end of the day, the aim of the counselor must be to help the client feel validated and more confident through the usage of paraphrases.

Alternatives that do not define paraphrasing

Paraphrasing is not equivalent to repeating what the client just said. That is called repetition. Paraphrasing involves empathetic understanding and the right choice of words to help the client feel safe and heard.
Parroting the words of the client reveals the idea that the therapist is not there with the client mentally and might cause irritation and frustration in the client. Eventually, they might even stop communicating, as a consequence.

In this article, we discussed the topic: paraphrasing in counseling. We saw the importance of paraphrasing as a counselor’s skill, its emphasis on the essence, how it helps in the theme growth of empathy, and things to be kept in mind while using paraphrases.

FAQs: paraphrasing in counseling

Why do counselors use paraphrasing.

Paraphrasing is one of the most important skills that is required, in the process of counseling. Paraphrasing in counseling is a way of responding, which informs the client that the counselor has precisely heard what the client has conveyed. These kinds of paraphrases, encouragers, and summaries are important and helpful for the client to feel understood in the process of counseling. They make the client feel more comfortable and less vulnerable in the relationship with their therapist. Paraphrasing and summarising are active and efficient ways of communicating to the client that they have been heard.

What is the difference between paraphrasing and reflecting in counseling?

The difference between paraphrasing and reflecting in counseling is that in paraphrasing you are only summarizing what the client has conveyed. When the client conveys certain information to you, you use paraphrasing skills to reaffirm the meaning of what the client conveyed through his words. On the other hand, the skill of reflection is slightly different. In reflection, you go beyond the process of summarizing what the client said to try to identify the feelings and thought patterns the client may have not identified, but their words and attitudes indicate the presence of such feelings and thought patterns.

How do you reflect in counseling?

Reflection is an extremely useful and comprehensive skill use by counselors in the process of counseling. It can be compared to holding up a mirror to see the reflection of yourself in it. While reflecting on what the client said, you repeat the client’s words back to them in the exact way they conveyed it to the therapist. In the process, the therapist might choose to reflect on a selected set of words, the whole sentence, or sometimes, just a single word is used for the purpose. This helps the client in gaining insight into his thought process and how it works. It also helps him to connect many events in his life to his way of thinking and feeling and how it affected those events. Clients find the process of reflection a potential tool for growth and meaningful understanding of their obstacles in the process of counseling and how to overcome them.

How is paraphrasing helpful?

Paraphrasing is important for the mutual understanding of both the client’s and the therapist’s understanding of the client’s situation. It helps the client in revealing the source of his thoughts and emotions in many instances and it acts as a breakthrough for the client in the process of counseling. The therapist also makes good use of the paraphrasing skill to confirm and reaffirm the meaning and tone of emotion used to convey anything that is said by the client, to clear the air of doubts or confusions and make the process of counseling smooth and hassle-free. It provides a good deal of understanding between the client and the therapist.

What are some counseling skills?

The most essential and primary ten skills required in counseling are as follows:

Listening: the counselor must be able to provide their undivided and complete attention to the client, while they are sharing their thoughts, emotions, and their queries. Empathy: the counselor must be empathetic, genuine, non-biased, and able to sincerely understand the emotional state of their clients. Genuineness. Unconditional positive regard: the counselor must be non-judgemental and completely accepting of the client as a person, without any expectation of personal gain or rewards. being concrete Open-ended questioning: open-ended questioning is a form of questioning process which is used to assist the client in clarifying or exploring thoughts. Self-disclosure of the counselor Meaningful interpretation and explanation skill Appropriate and helpful delivery of suggestions, when needed Consistent removal of obstacles in the way of change.

What is the primary goal of counseling?

The primary goal of counseling is to enable the client to make their own decisions, concerning various aspects of their life, such as career, education, personal growth, relationships, and health. The client should be able to think and act for themselves, without the aid of external influential sources. Counseling will help the clients gain information and also to clarify emotional concerns that may interfere with or be related to the decisions involved. It enhances their problem-solving skills and let them depend less on people’s opinions and judgments.

http://www.csun.edu/~hcpsy002/Psy460_GrpTask05_Paraphra.pdf

https://counsellingtutor.com/basic-counselling-skills/reflecting-and-paraphrasing/

https://www.basic-counseling-skills.com/paraphrasingtone.html

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Paraphrasing

What is Paraphrasing?

Paraphrasing is repeating back your understanding of the material that has been brought by the client in your own words. A paraphrase reflects the essence of what has been said.

We all use paraphrasing in our everyday lives. If you look at your studies to become a counsellor or psychotherapist, you paraphrase in class. Maybe your lecturer brings a body of work, and you list and make notes: you’re paraphrasing as you distil this down to what you feel is important.

The Power of Paraphrasing:

The speaker feels heard.
Helps the listener to adjust frame of reference.
Highlights areas of high importance.
Acts as an invite to explore deeper.
Can indicate an end to the current discussion.

How Paraphrasing Builds Empathy

How does paraphrasing affect the client-counsellor relationship? First of all, it helps the client to feel both heard and understood. The client brings their material, daring to share that with you, and you show that you’re listening by giving them a little portion of that back – the part that feels the most important. You paraphrase it down. If you do that accurately and correctly, and it matches where the client is, the client is going to recognise that and feel heard: ‘Finally, somebody is really listening, really understanding what it is that I am bringing.’

This keys right into empathy, because it’s about building that empathic relationship with the client – and empathy is not a one-way transaction. Carl Rogers (1959, pp. 210-211) defines ‘empathy’ as the ability to ‘perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person, but without ever losing the “as if” conditions’. In other words, we walk in somebody’s shoes as if their reality is our own – but of course it’s not our reality, and that’s where the ‘as if’ comes in. I’ve heard this rather aptly described as ‘walking in the client’s shoes, but keeping our socks on’!

Empathy is a two-way transaction – it’s not enough for us to be 100% in the client’s frame of reference and understanding their true feelings; the client must also perceive that we understand. When the client feels at some level that they have been understood, then the empathy circle is complete.

For example, if you watch a TV programme in which somebody achieves something that is really spectacular, you may find yourself moved for this person. You’re almost there with them on this journey, and as they’re receiving their award or their adulation, and the audience is clapping for what they’ve done, you may even be moved to tears. But the person on the TV cannot perceive your reaction – the empathy is empty, because it’s one-way.

So empathy is effective only if your client feels heard and understood – i.e. they sense that empathic connection. Using paraphrasing is a way of completing the empathy circle – a way of letting them know that we see and hear them.

Other Benefits of Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing also highlights issues by stating them more concisely. This is focusing down: it invites the client to go and delve deeper into part of what they have said. We can also use paraphrasing to check out the accuracy of our perception as a counsellor.

Below is an example of my use of paraphrasing to clarify my understanding of what was brought. This shows how paraphrasing affects the therapeutic relationship; because the paraphrase fits well for the client, she feels heard and understood. As this happens, the material deepens.

I really have a battle with doing things for the impression that others will have of me, or the approval that I will get from other people for what it is that I do. So much so that I will very often override myself, my family, so that I can gain the acceptance, I guess, of other people, whether friends, family or clients in a work situation. I will always favour what the action would be that would gain that acceptance, that would not bring up any sort of confrontation or maybe have a conflict situation arise from it.

So, I guess, I’m eager to please, wanting to make sure that all things are well and smooth – and that I’m liked and accepted with whatever the transaction or situation may be.

Counsellor:

As you’re saying that, it really feels like a lot of hard work. A lot of hard work, pre-empting whatever it is that they would have expected of you, and then ‘sacrificing’, I guess, is a word that came up for me – sacrificing your own wants/needs to be able to meet what you perceive is expected of you. Have I understood that correctly?

Yeah, the word ‘sacrifice’ really captures the feeling that comes up for me when I sort of reflect and look over that kind of situation. So often, I will sacrifice my own wants and my own desires…

In this example, the client really resonated with the word ‘sacrifice’, which the counsellor introduced as a paraphrase; she really felt understood. And it’s interesting to note that throughout the rest of this stimulated session, the word ‘sacrifice’ became almost a theme.

Another paraphrase in this example was ‘hard work’. Although the client hadn’t used this phrase herself, she was presenting visually as weighed down. Her shoulders looked heavy as she was bringing the material. So the counsellor was paraphrasing, not only the words of the narrative, but digging deeper, looking for the feelings and paraphrasing the whole presence of that client within that relationship.

Listening for ‘the Music behind the Words’

Here is another example of paraphrasing, from the same skills session. Try to see if you can hear, as Rogers would put it, ‘the music behind the words’, where the counsellor looks deeper than just the words the client is bringing, paraphrasing back their whole being.

Out of my own will or my own free choice, I would put that aside and favour what would be accepted – or what I think someone else would rather I do. And sometimes it’s hard. It leaves me with a situation of not knowing if they actually really realise what it is that I sacrificed, that I’ve given up, so that it can fall into what I think they would prefer in that situation.

It feels confusing to you in that situation of whether they even perceive what it is that you are sacrificing, what you’re giving up. That it almost feels like you’re giving up part of yourself to match what you think they may want or need from you. And I kind of got the feeling, as you were saying that you wonder if they even see that.

Yeah. As I was sort of verbalizing and talking through that, I actually realised that even within that sacrifice, it’s all my perception of what I think they might want me to do. And just saying that is actually a bit ridiculous. Because how am I to know what it is that they want or need to do? So here I am – disregarding my own desires, for lack of a better word – to do something I assume someone else would want me to do instead.

I thought it was really interesting that this client started off in what felt to me like an external locus of evaluation. She was confused, and wondering whether the people she refers to understood what she was giving up to meet their perceived expectations. Immediately after the counsellor’s paraphrase, this client experienced a moment of movement from an external to an internal locus of evaluation, where she realised it was all about her own perceptions and responsibility. In this way, she went from being powerless to having the power to change this situation.

Next Steps in Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing is so much more than just repeating the client’s words back to them using your own words. Although it might feel very simplistic – and there’s often a tendency to paraphrase the narrative/story that the client brings, rather than their feelings/process – there’s so much more to it than that and so much deeper that we can go. There’s real power in paraphrasing.

I suggest that you:

Practice active listening and paraphrasing in your day-to-day life.
Practice paraphrasing in your own stimulated skills sessions.
Try to look for the full person when paraphrasing, e.g. not just the client’s words, but also their body language, facial expressions, and way of being within the counselling relationship.
Record these sessions (with your peer’s consent) and listen back to them.
Speak to your peers about paraphrasing.
Evaluate each other’s skills and explore how you might paraphrase more effectively.
Look whether you’re getting empathic connection within your paraphrasing.
Search out moments of movement when you paraphrase.
Ask how paraphrasing affects both the client and you, as a counsellor.

Paraphrasing is definitely something that should be debated. I hope that this chapter will encourage you to go out there with a new passion for – and a new way of looking at – paraphrasing!

Alternatives to Questions

What else can we use when we’re not sure what exactly a client means? For example, if a client was speaking about his brother and father, he might say: ‘I really struggle with my brother and my father. They don’t get on, and at times he makes me so angry.’ Who does the client mean by ‘he’: the brother or the father? Not knowing who makes him angry means I cannot be fully within the client’s frame of reference.

I could ask: ‘Sorry, just so I can understand, who it is that you’re angry at – your father or your brother?’ This risks ripping the client out of that emotion (the anger). Instead, we could use reflection: ‘He makes you so angry.’ This invites the client to expand on what he has said. He might say: ‘Yes, ever since I was a young boy, my dad was always…’ In this case, I didn’t need to ask a question – we’re still in the feelings, and I’ve got what I needed in order to be fully in the client’s frame of reference.

Of course, the client might not reveal the information I need in his answer – for example, if he responded to my reflection: ‘He does. He makes me really angry – in fact, so angry that I don’t know what to do about it anymore.’ In that case, I would still need to put in a question: ‘Is this your dad or your brother that you’re referring to?’

Rogers, C, 1959. ‘A Theory of Therapy, Personallity, and Interpersonal Relations, as Developed in the Client-Centered Framework’, in S Koch (ed.), Psychology: A Study of a Science (Vol.3), New York: McGraw-Hill, 184-256.

Reflection (Therapeutic Behavior)

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First Online: 01 January 2020
pp 4344–4346
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Kathryn N. Schrantz 3 &
Alicia Lyon-Limke McLean 4

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Active listening techniques ; Affirmation statements ; Directive techniques ; Feelings interpretation ; Feelings validation ; Nondirective techniques ; Psychotherapy ; Reflective statements

Therapeutic reflections are statements used by psychotherapists to restate, paraphrase, or uncover therapy clients’ emotional reactions to situations, thoughts, behaviors, or interpersonal interactions.

Introduction

Verbal and nonverbal reflections are a major component of psychotherapy. Considered as an active listening technique, reflections serve as an important therapeutic tool. Often, reflections paraphrase or restate clients’ feelings and emotions. Therapists also use reflections to help clients examine previously undiscovered or misunderstood emotional reactions. There are various types of reflections that are used to elicit different reactions from clients. Reflections impact the therapeutic relationship and play a significant role in many therapeutic approaches.

Types of...

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Schrantz, K.N., McLean, A.LL. (2020). Reflection (Therapeutic Behavior). In: Zeigler-Hill, V., Shackelford, T.K. (eds) Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-24612-3_841

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