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August 7, 2018 | Kenneth Best - UConn Communications

Know Thyself: The Philosophy of Self-Knowledge

Dating back to an ancient Greek inscription, the injunction to 'know thyself' has encouraged people to engage in a search for self-understanding. Philosophy professor Mitchell Green discusses its history and relevance to the present.

Close-Up marble statue of the Great Greek philosopher Socrates. (Getty Images)

From Socrates to today's undergraduates, philosophy professor Mitchell Green discusses the history and current relevance of the human quest for self-knowledge. (Getty Images)

UConn philosopher Mitchell S. Green leads a Massive Open Online Course (MOOC) titled Know Thyself: The Value and Limits of Self-Knowledge  on the online learning platform Coursera. The course is based on his 2018 book (published by Routledge) of the same name. He recently spoke with Ken Best of UConn Today about the philosophy and understanding of self-knowledge. This is an edited transcript of their discussion.

The ancient Greek injunction, 'Know Thyself,' is inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. (from Cyprus Today on Twitter.com)

Q. ‘Know Thyself’ was carved into stone at the entrance to Apollo’s temple at Delphi in Greece, according to legend. Scholars, philosophers, and civilizations have debated this question for a long time. Why have we not been able to find the answer?

A. I’m not sure that every civilization or even most civilizations have taken the goal to achieve self-knowledge as being among the most important ones. It comes and goes. It did have cachet in the Greece of 300-400 BC. Whether it had similar cachet 200 years later or had something like cultural importance in the heyday of Roman civilization is another question. Of course some philosophers would have enjoined people to engage in a search for self-understanding; some not so much. Likewise, think about the Middle Ages. There’s a case in which we don’t get a whole lot of emphasis on knowing the self, instead the focus was on knowing God. It’s only when Descartes comes on the scene centuries later that we begin to get more of a focus on introspection and understanding ourselves by looking within. Also, the injunction to “know thyself” is not a question, and would have to be modified in some way to pose a question. However, suppose the question is, “Is it possible to know oneself, either in part or fully.” In that case, I’d suggest that we’ve made considerable progress in answering this question over the last two millennia, and in the Know Thyself book, and in the MOOC of the same name, I try to guide readers and students through some of what we have learned.

Q. You point out that the shift Descartes brought about is a turning point in Western philosophy.

A. Right. It’s for various reasons cultural, political, economic, and ideological that the norm of self-knowledge has come and gone with the tides through Western history. Even if we had been constantly enjoined to achieve self-knowledge for the 2,300 years since the time Socrates spoke, just as Sigmund Freud said about civilization – that civilization is constantly being created anew and everyone being born has to work their way up to being civilized being – so, too, the project of achieving self-knowledge is a project for every single new member of our species. No one can be given it at birth. It’s not an achievement you get for free like a high IQ or a prominent chin. Continuing to beat that drum, to remind people of the importance of that, is something we’ll always be doing. I’m doubtful we’ll ever reach a point we can all say: Yup, we’re good on that. We’ve got that covered, we’ve got self-knowledge down. That’s a challenge for each of us, every time somebody is born. I would also say, given the ambient, environmental factors as well as the predilections that we’re born with as part of our cognitive and genetic nature, there are probably pressures that push against self-knowledge as well. For instance, in the book I talk about the cognitive immune system that tends to make us spin information in our own favor. When something goes bad, there’s a certain part of us, hopefully within bounds, that tends to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. That’s probably a good way of getting yourself up off the floor after you’ve been knocked down.

Q. Retirement planners tell us you’re supposed to know yourself well enough to know what your needs are going to be – create art or music, or travel – when you have all of your time to use. At what point should that point of getting to know yourself better begin?

A. I wouldn’t encourage a 9-year-old to engage in a whole lot of self-scrutiny, but I would say even when you’re young some of those indirect, especially self-distancing, types of activities, can be of value. Imagine a 9-year-old gets in a fight on the playground and a teacher asks him: Given what you said to the other kid that provoked the fight, if he had said that to you, how would you feel? That might be intended to provoke an inkling of self-knowledge – if not in the form of introspection, in the form of developing empathetic skills, which I think is part of self-knowledge because it allows me to see myself through another’s eyes. Toward the other end of the lifespan, I’d also say in my experience lots of people who are in, or near, retirement have the idea they’re going to stop working and be really happy. But I find in some cases that this expectation is not realistic because so many people find so much fulfillment, and rightly so, in their work. I would urge people to think about what it is that gives them satisfaction? Granted we sometimes find ourselves spitting nails as we think about the challenges our jobs present to us. But in some ways that frequent grumbling, the kind of hair-pulling stress and so forth, these might be part of what makes life fulfilling. More importantly, long-term projects, whether as part of one’s career or post-career, tend I think to provide more intellectual and emotional sustenance than do the more ephemeral activities such as cruises, safaris, and the like.

Q. We’re on a college campus with undergraduates trying to learn more about themselves through what they’re studying. They’re making decisions on what they might want to do with the rest of their life, taking classes like philosophy that encourage them to think about this. Is this an optimal time for this to take place?

A. For many students it’s an optimal time. I consider one component of a liberal arts education to be that of cultivation of the self. Learning a lot of stuff is important, but in some ways that’s just filling, which might be inert unless we give it form, or structure. These things can be achieved through cultivation of the self, and if you want to do that you have to have some idea of how you want it to grow and develop, which requires some inkling of what kind of person you think you are and what you think you can be. Those are achievements that students can only attain by trying things and seeing what happens. I am not suggesting that a freshman should come to college and plan in some rigorous and lockstep way to learn about themselves, cultivate themselves, and bring themselves into fruition as some fully formed adult upon graduation. Rather, there is much more messiness; much more unpredictable try things, it doesn’t work, throw it aside, try something else. In spite of all that messiness and ambient chaos, I would also say in the midst of that there is potential for learning about yourself; taking note of what didn’t go well, what can I learn from that? Or that was really cool, I’d like to build on that experience and do more of it. Those are all good ways of both learning about yourself and constructing yourself. Those two things can go hand-in-hand. Self-knowledge, self-realization, and self-scrutiny can happen, albeit in an often messy and unpredictable way for undergraduates. It’s also illusory for us to think at age 22 we can put on our business clothes and go to work and stop with all that frivolous self-examination. I would urge that acquiring knowledge about yourself, understanding yourself is a lifelong task.

Q. There is the idea that you should learn something new every day. A lot of people who go through college come to understand this, while some think after graduation, I’m done with that. Early in the book, you talk about Socrates’ defense of himself when accused of corrupting students by teaching them in saying: I know what I don’t know, which is why I ask questions.

It seems to me the beginning of wisdom of any kind, including knowledge of ourselves, is acknowledgment of the infirmity of our beliefs and the paucity of our knowledge. — Mitchell S. Green

A. That’s very important insight on his part. That’s something I would be inclined to yell from the rooftops, in the sense that one big barrier to achieving anything in the direction of self-knowledge is hubris, thinking that we do know, often confusing our confidence in our opinions with thinking that confidence is an indication of my degree of correctness. We feel sure, and take that surety itself to be evidence of the truth of what we think. Socrates is right to say that’s a cognitive error, that’s fallacious reasoning. We should ask ourselves: Do I know what I take myself to know? It seems to me the beginning of wisdom of any kind, including knowledge of ourselves, is acknowledgment of the infirmity of our beliefs and the paucity of our knowledge; the fact that opinions we have might just be opinions. It’s always astonishing to me the disparity between the confidence with which people express their opinions, on one hand, and the negligible ability they have to back them up, especially those opinions that go beyond just whether they’re hungry or prefer chocolate over vanilla. Those are things over which you can probably have pretty confident opinions. But when it comes to politics or science, history or human psychology, it’s surprising to me just how gullible people are, not because they believe what other people say, so to speak, but rather they believe what they themselves say. They tend to just say: Here is what I think. It seems obvious to me and I’m not willing to even consider skeptical objections to my position.

Q. You also bring into the fold the theory of adaptive unconscious – that we observe and pick up information but we don’t realize it at the time. How much does that feed into people thinking that they know themselves better than they do and know more than they think they do?

A. It’s huge. There’s a chapter in the book on classical psychoanalysis and Freud. I argue that the Freudian legacy is a broken one, in the sense that while his work is incredibly interesting – he made a lot of provocative and ingenious claims interesting – surprisingly few of them have been borne out with empirical evidence. This is a less controversial view than it was in the past. Experimental psychologists in the 1970s and 80s began to ask how many of those Freudian claims about the unconscious can be established in a rigorous, experimental way? The theory of the adaptive unconscious is an attempt to do that; to find out how much of the unconscious mind that Freud posited is real, and what is it like. One of the main findings is that the unconscious mind is not quite as bound up, obsessed with, sexuality and violence as posited by Freud. It’s still a very powerful system, but not necessarily a thing to be kept at bay in the way psychoanalysis would have said. According to Freud, a great deal with the unconscious poses a constant threat to the well-functioning of civilized society, whereas for people like Tim Wilson, Tanya Chartrand, Daniel Gilbert, Joseph LeDoux, Paul Ekman, and many others, we’ve got a view that says that in many ways having an adaptive unconsciousness is a useful thing, an outsourcing of lots of cognition. It allows us to process information, interpret it, without having to consciously, painstakingly, and deliberately calculate things. It’s really good in many ways that we have adaptive unconscious. On the other hand, it tends to predispose us, for example, to things like prejudice. Today there is a discussion about so-called implicit bias, which has taught us that because we grew up watching Hollywood movies where protagonist heroes were white or male, or both; saw stereotypes in advertising that have been promulgated – that experience, even if I have never had a consciously bigoted, racist, or sexist thought in my life, can still cause me to make choices that are biased. That’s a part of the message on the theory of adaptive unconscious we would want to take very seriously and be worried about, because it can affect our choices in ways that we’re not aware of.

Q. With all of this we’ve discussed, what kind of person would know themselves well?

A. Knowing oneself well would, I suspect, be a multi-faceted affair, only one part of which would have to do with introspection as that notion is commonly understood. One of these facets involves acknowledging your limitations, “owning them” as my Department of Philosophy colleague Heather Battaly would put it. Those limitations can be cognitive – my lousy memory that distorts information, my tendency to sugarcoat any bad news I may happen to receive? Take the example of a professor reading student evaluations. It’s easy to forget the negative ones and remember the positive ones – a case of “confirmation bias,” as that term is used in psychology. Knowing that I tend to do that, if that’s what I tend to do, allows me to take a second look, as painful as it might be. Again, am I overly critical of others? Do I tend to look at the glass as overly half full or overly half empty? Those are all limitations of the emotional kind, or at least have an important affective dimension. I suspect a person who knows herself well knows how to spot the characteristic ways in which she “spins” or otherwise distorts positive or negative information, and can then step back from such reactions, rather than taking them as the last word.

I’d also go back to empathy, knowing how to see things from another person’s point of view. It is not guaranteed to, but is often apt to allow me to see myself more effectively, too. If I can to some extent put myself into your shoes, then I also have the chance to be able to see myself through your eyes and that might get me to realize things difficult to see from the first-person perspective. Empathizing with others who know me might, for instance, help to understand why they sometimes find me overbearing, cloying, or quick to judge.

Q. What would someone gain in self-knowledge by listening to someone appraising them and speaking to them about how well they knew them? How does that dynamic help?

A. It can help, but it also can be shocking. Experiments have suggested other people’s assessments of an individual can often be very out of line with that person’s self-assessment. It’s not clear those other person’s assessments are less accurate – in some cases they’re more accurate – as determined by relatively well-established objective psychological assessments. Third-person assessments can be both difficult to swallow – bitter medicine – and also extremely valuable. Because they’re difficult to swallow, I would suggest taking them in small doses. But they can help us to learn about ourselves such things as that we can be unaccountably solicitous, or petty, or prone to one-up others, or thick-skinned. I’ve sometimes found myself thinking while speaking to someone, “If you could hear yourself talking right now, you might come to realize …” Humblebragging is a case in point, in which someone is ostensibly complaining about a problem, but the subtext of what they’re saying might be self-promoting as well.

All this has implications for those of us who teach. At the end of the semester I encourage my graduate assistants to read course evaluations; not to read them all at once, but instead try to take one suggestion from those evaluations that they can work on going into the next semester. I try to do the same. I would not, however, expect there ever to be a point at which one could say, “Ah! Now I fully know myself.” Instead, this is more likely a process that we can pursue, and continue to benefit from, our entire lives.

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What does it mean to know yourself?

The importance and benefits of knowing one's self, how to know yourself better, how to improve your self-knowledge, how coaching can help.

Think of the most eccentric person in your life. You know the one. 

The one who either shows up in a disheveled leather jacket or an all-black outfit and a beret. They’re somewhat aloof but always energetic. Unapologetically flamboyant, but always kind and understanding. This person chooses to be themselves, not who they’re expected to be. 

They don’t care about the world’s expectations. This sometimes gets them into trouble or attracts judging glares from nearby strangers. But, you have to admit, it would be nice to have that kind of self-confidence . And you can!

In a world rife with expectations, living authentically can feel impossible. It feels easier to have your path planned for you. But, in the long run, this will only hold you back from living a fulfilling life.

The great philosopher Socrates said it himself: “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” 

So if you’re wondering whether authenticity is worth pursuing, the short answer is “yes.” And, for the detail-oriented among you, here’s everything you need to know about the importance of knowing yourself — so you too can find your true self.

Knowing yourself is about discovering what makes you tick. Among other things, it means:

  • Learning your likes and dislikes
  • Unearthing your beliefs and values
  • Knowing your personal boundaries
  • Accepting your personality traits
  • Being a better team player
  • Having a clearer path in your professional life
  • Understanding how you interact with others
  • Recognizing your core personal values
  • Increasing your capacity for self-compassion
  • Having a clearer idea of your life’s purpose
  • Knowing what it takes to be self-motivated
  • Being more adaptable  

Ultimately, all of these things will increase your self-awareness . Being more self-aware lends to enhanced self-development, acceptance, and proactivity while benefiting our overall mental health .

We’ll be more confident, make better decisions, have stronger relationships, and be more honest .

Knowing yourself is about knowing what makes you tick. It means identifying what matters to you, your strengths and weaknesses, your behaviors, tendencies, and thought patterns. This list describes the importance and benefits of knowing one's self:

1. Despite your quirks, flaws, and insecurities, you learn self-love and acceptance. Once you do, you can walk through the world with more confidence and care less about what people think. 

2. You can change your personality flaws and improve on your weaknesses. You are empowered to become who you want to be. This will help you become a better, more well-rounded person.

3. You’ll have more emotional intelligence , which is key to knowing others. You’ll be more conscious of your own emotions and feelings, making it easier to understand another person's point of view.

4. You'll be more confident. Self-doubt disappears when you know and accept yourself, and others won't influence you as easily. It'll be easier to stand your ground .

5. You’ll forge better relationships. It’s easier to share yourself when you know yourself. You’ll also know what kind of people you get along with, so you can find your community .

6. You’ll be less stressed. Self-awareness will help you make decisions that are better for you. And when this happens, you become less stressed about what people think or whether you made the right choice. 

7. You’ll break patterns of disappointment. Y ou'll find repetitive behaviors that lead to poor outcomes when you look inward. Once you name them, you can break them.

8. You’ll be happier. Expressing who you are, loud and proud, will help you improve your well-being.

Happy-business-people-discussing-during-meeting-the-importance-of-knowing-yourself

10. You'll have more self-worth. Why is self-worth important? Because it helps you avoid compromising your core values and beliefs. Valuing yourself also teaches others to respect you.

11. You'll understand your values. We can’t understate the importance of knowing your values. They will help you make decisions aligned with who you are and what you care about.

12. You'll find purpose in life. Knowing purpose in life will give you a clear idea of where you should go and what you should do. 

Getting to know yourself is hard. It involves deep self-reflection, honesty, and confronting parts of yourself you might be afraid of. But it’s a fundamental part of self-improvement .

If you need help, try working with a professional. BetterUp can help you navigate your inner world.

Now that we’re clear on the importance of knowing yourself, you might not know where to get started. Let’s get into it.

Check your VITALS

Author Meg Selig coined the term VITALS as a guide for developing self-knowledge. Its letters spell out the six core pillars of self-understanding:

These are your guides for decision-making and setting your goals. Understanding them will help you make decisions aligned with your authentic self. Here are some example values:

  • Being helpful
  • Trust 
  • Wealth 

You can see how each of these might lead to different life choices. For example, if you value honesty, you might quit a job where you have to lie to others.

2. I nterests

Your interests are what you do without being asked, like your hobbies, passions, and causes you care about. You can then try to align your work with these interests. Here are some examples:

  • Climate change. If you’re passionate about this issue, you might choose to work directly on the problem. Or you can make choices that allow for a more sustainable lifestyle, like owning an electric car.
  • Audio editing. Perhaps you’re an amateur musician, and you spend your time recording and editing audio. You can start working as a freelance editor or find a job that uses these skills.
  • Fitness. If you love working out and value helping others, you might consider becoming a trainer at your local gym or leading a running group.

Not all of your interests need to be a side-hustle . But being aware of them can help you make decisions that better suit your desired life. It is really about knowing your priorities.

3. T emperament

Your temperament describes where your energy comes from. You might be an introvert and value being alone. Or, as an extrovert, you find energy being around others.

Knowing your temperament will help you communicate your needs to others. 

If you’re a meticulous planner going on a trip, you should communicate this to your more spontaneous travel buddy. They might feel suffocated by your planning, leading to arguments down the road. Bringing it up before your trip will help talk it out to avoid conflict later.

4. A round-the-clock activities

This refers to when you like to do things. If you’re a writer and you’re more creative at night, carve out time in the evening to work. If you prefer working out in the morning, make it happen. Aligning your schedule with your internal clock will make you a happier human being.

Two-women-at-home-gardening-the-importance-of-knowing-yourself

5. L ife-mission and goals

Knowing your life mission is about knowing what gives your life meaning. It gives you purpose, a vocation , and something to strive for.

To find your life mission, think about what events were most meaningful to you so far. For example:

  • Leading a successful project at the office
  • Influencing positive change through your work
  • Helping someone else succeed

There are many ways to fulfill a life mission. You can fulfill your goals with the skills and resources you have. For example, “helping someone succeed” could mean becoming a teacher or mentoring a young professional.

6. S trengths and weaknesses

These include both “hard skills” (like industry-specific knowledge and talents) and “soft skills” (like communication or emotional intelligence ).

When you do what you’re good at, you’re more likely to succeed, which will improve your morale and mental health.

Knowing your weaknesses and toxic traits will help you improve on them or minimize their influence on your life.

Are you ready to get started? There are many ways to understand your inner self:

  • Write in a journal
  • Step out of your comfort zone
  • Track your progress
  • Choose smart habits

Woman-in-lotus-position-in-living-room-the-importance-of-knowing-yourself

A professional coach will encourage you to reflect on and reframe your inner thoughts and patterns. They understand that, in many cases, impulsivity holds you back from attaining your full potential.

The amygdala — an almond-sized region of the brain partially responsible for emotions — releases dopamine to reinforce impulsive behavior . This happens every time you open Facebook instead of working, eat chocolate while on a diet, or get angry at your colleagues instead of helping solve the problem.

Self-awareness can help you overcome your impulsivity. Armed with the right tools, you can break unhealthy or unwanted behaviors. 

A coach can help you meet these ends. They can teach you:

  • Mindfulness: the acceptance that nothing is inherently good or bad 
  • Metacognition: the awareness that your mind is the root of your actions
  • Reframing: the power to react differently to an event or circumstance

These three elements can help you strengthen your self-control . You'll keep a cool head in stressful situations, communicate more effectively with others, and become a better leader overall.

In other words: by checking in with yourself, you avoid wrecking yourself.

At BetterUp , our coaches are trained in Inner Work® and understand the importance of knowing yourself. This is a lifetime journey. But together, we can make your life better.

Allaya Cooks-Campbell

BetterUp Associate Learning Experience Designer

Self-knowledge examples that will help you upgrade to You 2.0

The meaning of personal values and how they impact your life, belief or value learn the difference and set yourself free, tune in to the self discovery channel with 10 tips for finding yourself, the benefits of knowing yourself: why you should become your own best friend, 20 personal values examples to help you find your own, moving toward your dreams or just moving yearly goals can help, 10 self-discovery techniques to help you find yourself, don't let limiting beliefs hold you back. learn to overcome yours, similar articles, how to walk the freeing path of believing in yourself, what is self-awareness and how to develop it, self-awareness in leadership: how it will make you a better boss, you’ve earned it: learn about the benefits of rewarding yourself, what are metacognitive skills examples in everyday life, stay connected with betterup, get our newsletter, event invites, plus product insights and research..

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Meg Selig

Know Yourself? 6 Specific Ways to Know Who You Are

6 "vital signs" are key to self-understanding, career success, and happiness..

Posted March 9, 2016 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

  • Learning about the aspects of one's identity can lead to greater happiness, less inner conflict, and the ability to say "no."
  • Six key elements of self-knowledge are found in the acronym VITALS: Values, Interests, Temperament, Activities, Life Mission, and Strengths.
  • While knowing one's "VITALS" can help a person feel freer and stronger, people constantly change and society often conflicts with one's values.

"To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom ." This famous quote is often attributed to Socrates. But what exactly do you know when you “know yourself?”

This post will reveal six elements of self-knowledge that can help you understand your own identity . As you live your daily life, you can look for clues to these important building blocks of the self.

But first, why is it important to know yourself?

The Benefits of Self-Knowledge

Maybe it’s obvious, but here, in a nutshell, are a few reasons why you might want to know your own nature:

  • Happiness . You will be happier when you can express who you are. Expressing your desires will make it more likely that you get what you want.
  • Less inner conflict . When your outside actions are in accordance with your inside feelings and values, you will experience less inner conflict.
  • Better decision-making . When you know yourself, you are able to make better choices about everything, from small decisions like which sweater you’ll buy to big decisions like which partner you’ll spend your life with. You'll have guidelines you can apply to solve life’s varied problems.
  • Self-control . When you know yourself, you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones. You'll have the insight to know which values and goals activate your willpower.
  • Resistance to social pressure. When you are grounded in your values and preferences, you are less likely to say “yes” when you want to say “no.”
  • Tolerance and understanding of others. Your awareness of your own foibles and struggles can help you empathize with others.
  • Vitality and pleasure . Being who you truly are helps you feel more alive and makes your experience of life richer, larger, and more exciting.

Now that you are convinced that self-knowledge is worth having (not that you needed convincing!), we’ll move on to those "VITAL Signs" of self-knowledge.

The Building Blocks of Self: Your VITALS

The capital letters in “VITAL Signs” form an acronym for the six building blocks of the self, or VITALS, for short. The letters stand for Values, Interests, Temperament, Around-the-Clock, Life Mission and Goals, and Strengths/Skills.

“Values"—such as “helping others,” “being creative,” “health,” “financial security,” and so on—are guides to decision-making and motivators for goals. Research shows that just thinking or writing about your values can make it more likely that you take healthy actions. The motivation provided by worthwhile values can also keep you going even when you are tired, as shown in many psychology experiments. If you want to self-motivate, know your values! (For the research, click here .)

I = Interests

“Interests” include your passions, hobbies, and anything that draws your attention over a sustained period of time. To figure out your interests, ask yourself these questions: What do you pay attention to? What are you curious about? What concerns you? The focused mental state of being interested in something makes life vivid and may give you clues to your deepest passions.

Many people have built a career around a deep interest in something. For example, a friend of mine broke his leg when he was 11 years old and was so fascinated by the emergency room that he decided to become an emergency physician.

T = Temperament

“Temperament” describes your inborn preferences. Do you restore your energy from being alone ( introvert ) or from being with people ( extrovert )? Are you a planner or go-with-the-flow type of person? Do you make decisions more on the basis of feelings or thoughts and facts? Do you prefer details or big Ideas? Knowing the answers to temperament questions like these could help you gravitate toward situations in which you could flourish and avoid situations in which you could wilt.

In the 60s, spontaneity was valued over planning. I tried hard to go with the flow, but it seemed to me that I wasted a lot of time that way. Going against the grain of my own personality turned out to be a daunting task that wasn’t really worth it.

A = Around-the-Clock Activities

The “around-the-clock” category refers to when you like to do things—your biorhythms . Are you a morning person or a night person, for example? At what time of day does your energy peak? If you schedule activities when you are at your best, you are respecting your innate biology. As I look back on my life, I realize I’ve been a morning person since birth. Those fun sleepovers with girlfriends? I loved being included, but I didn’t like staying up late.

One joy of my adult life has been finding a partner with biorhythms like mine. We wake up early and go to bed early; we both get snappy unless we eat three square meals a day. We hate brunch. While the idea of biorhythm preferences may sound trivial compared to lofty qualities of the self like “values,” your daily life is more pleasant when you are in sync with your biology. In every area, it’s easier to enjoy life when you don’t waste energy pretending to be someone you aren’t.

L = Life Mission and Meaningful Goals

“What have been the most meaningful events of your life?” This was a question I liked to ask when students would see me for career counseling at the community college where I worked. One woman of about 40 years old got teary-eyed as she tried to answer. “Recently,” she told me, “I found it incredibly meaningful to care for my aging father as he declined and went into hospice. I was able to be there and hold his hand when he died.” As we talked about the difficulties and rewards of her father’s last days, she had an “aha” moment and realized she wanted to become a hospice nurse. (She accomplished her goal and was one of the leaders of her class.)

how to know yourself essay

Ask yourself the same question: “What have been the most meaningful events of your life?” You may discover clues to your hidden identity, to your career, and to life satisfaction.

S = Strengths

"Strengths" can include not only abilities, skills, and talents, but also character strengths such as loyalty, respect for others, love of learning, emotional intelligence , fairness, and more. Knowing your strengths is one of the foundations of self-confidence ; not being able to acknowledge your own superpowers could put you on the path to low self-esteem . Become a person who “takes in the good,” listening for compliments and noticing skills that could be clues to your strengths. Here's an example: An acquaintance tells you that she loves the soothing sound of your voice. What could you do with that knowledge? Likewise, knowing your weaknesses can help you be honest with yourself and others about what you are not good at. You might decide either to work on those weaknesses or try to make them a smaller part of your personal or professional life.

Being True to You

Even if you know your "VITAL Signs," it’s hard to remain true to yourself because you are constantly changing and because society’s values often conflict with your own. I love this quote from fellow habits author Gretchen Rubin:

"My first commandment is to “Be Gretchen”—yet it’s very hard to know myself. I get so distracted by the way I wish I were, or the way I assume I am, that I lose sight of what’s actually true."

For all of us, being yourself sounds easier than it actually is. But there are a few signposts. When you’ve made a discovery about one of your "VITAL Signs," you’ll feel a sense of excitement. Acting on self-knowledge will give you energy and save you energy. You’ll feel freer and stronger because you no longer conform to how you “should” feel, think, or act. For example, I can remember my relief when I realized I was an introvert. How comforting it was to give myself the gift of time alone without wondering if I were a freak of nature!

This week, pay attention to these six aspects of your personality. What do you notice?

© Meg Selig, 2016.

To clarify your values, take a look at my chapter on "The 8 Great Motivators:" Selig, M. Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success (Routledge, 2009).

Rubin, G. Better Than Before (Crown, 2015)

Meg Selig

Meg Selig is the author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success .

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How to Get to Know Yourself: A Guide to Self-Discovery

Last Updated: December 15, 2022 Fact Checked

This article was co-authored by Jessica Elliott, ACC, CEC and by wikiHow staff writer, Aly Rusciano . Jessica Elliott is a Certified Executive Coach and multi-passionate entrepreneur. She's the founder of LIFETOX, where she hosts mindful experiences and retreats, and J Elliott Coaching, which she provides executive consulting for professionals, teams, and organizations. Jessica has had over fifteen years experience as an entrepreneur and over five years of executive coaching experience. She received her ACC (Associate Certified Coach) accreditation through the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and her CEC (Certified Executive Coach) accreditation through Royal Roads University. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 435,351 times.

The question “Who am I?” can bring on a series of thoughts, emotions, and feelings, but what if you don’t know how to answer? Getting to know yourself is a life-long journey. Feeling lost or confused about who you are is more common than you may think, and we’re here to help you find all the answers you’re looking for. In this article, we’ll take you through different ways of getting to know yourself. By practicing self-awareness, exploring your personality, and fulfilling your needs, you can discover who you truly are and build a lasting relationship with yourself. So, what are you waiting for? We have an identity to find!

Things You Should Know

  • Question your thoughts, goals, and self-image to uncover how you view yourself.
  • Determine your personality type through questionnaires to find your sense of self.
  • Set boundaries for yourself to fulfill your wants, needs, relationships, and goals.

Practicing Self-Awareness

Step 1 Be honest with...

  • Pay attention to the things that make you feel uncomfortable. These emotional signals can tell you if you’re trying to avoid something. Are you insecure about that characteristic? If so, how can you overcome it?
  • For example, if you don't like to look in the mirror, ask yourself why. Are you insecure about your looks? Are you worried about your age? This could be a fear you can conquer.

Step 2 Ask thoughtful questions about yourself and answer honestly.

  • What do I love doing?
  • What are my dreams?
  • What do I want my legacy to be?
  • What is my biggest criticism of myself?
  • What are some mistakes I’ve made?
  • How do others perceive me? How would I like them to perceive me?
  • Who is my role model?

Step 3 Pay attention to your inner voice to understand your perceptions.

  • Go to the mirror and describe yourself out loud or in your head. Are the descriptions positive or negative? Are they focused on your looks or your actions?
  • When you start thinking negatively, stop yourself and question why you’re reacting that way.

Step 4 Write in a...

  • Look for patterns in your writing. Over time, you may find yourself repeating specific needs and wants.
  • Write whatever is on your mind. Freewriting can help you unlock subconscious thoughts to help identify what’s bothering you.
  • Alternatively, you can use prompts to guide your writing. Choose prompts that ask you to describe certain parts of your personality or habits.

Step 5 Incorporate mindfulness...

  • Pause and observe the world around you. What can you touch, taste, hear, see, and smell?
  • Avoid eating meals at your computer or TV and focus on how the food tastes and feels in your mouth.
  • Take a walk and notice how the ground feels beneath your feet, where the sun is in the sky, and if birds are chirping.

Step 6 Question your body image to discover how you view yourself.

  • If you have the thought, “My thighs are too big,” reframe it with, “My legs are strong and carry me where I want to go.” [7] X Research source
  • If you think, “I weigh too much,” change the thought to, “Weight is just a number, and I am more than a number.”

wikiHow Quiz: How Is My Inner Child Wounded?

Which movie protagonist do you relate to the most.

Katniss from The Hunger Games. She always went out of her way to help others.

Ariel from The Little Mermaid. She wanted to be loved and accepted as someone else.

Loki from Marvel. He had big goals, even if they didn’t always work out.

Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. He always had a funny quip regardless of the situation.

Exploring Your Personality

Step 1 Think about the roles you play in your life to better understand your priorities.

  • Team leader
  • Emotional support
  • Mentor/Mentee
  • Problem solver

Step 2 Analyze the 6 elements of your personality to discover a sense of self.

  • Values: What is important to you? What characteristics do you prize in yourself and others?
  • Interests: What are you curious about? What do you like to do in your free time?
  • Temperament: What 10 words describe you best? How do you handle difficult situations or confrontations?
  • Activities: What are the most and least enjoyable parts of your day? Do you have any daily rituals?
  • Life goals: What have been the most important events of your life? Where do you see yourself in five years?
  • Strengths: What are your abilities, skills, and talents? What are you really good at?

Step 3 Take an online personality test to categorize your personality.

  • NERIS Type Explorer
  • Meyers-Brigg Type Indicator
  • Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI)
  • Predictive Index Behavioral Assessment
  • Big 5 Personality Assessment

Step 4 Invite commentary from others to better understand yourself.

  • If you’re comfortable, ask your boss, mentor, or acquaintances about how they see you as an employee.
  • If you disagree with anyone’s observations, that’s okay! Take every comment with a grain of salt, and acknowledge that you’re ever-evolving.

Fulfilling Your Needs

Step 1 Practice self-care to manage stress.

  • Try to exercise for at least 20 minutes every day. Go for a walk after lunch or do a quick yoga flow before breakfast.
  • Aim to get at least 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night to wake up refreshed.
  • Eat a healthy diet made up of unprocessed fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.
  • Find time to relax and unwind. Try meditating, knitting, working on a puzzle, or reading a book.

Step 2 Create a good work-life balance to avoid burnout.

  • Set boundaries with family, friends, and coworkers to ensure you maintain a healthy space at home and in the office.

Step 3 Establish boundaries...

  • Consider if there’s anyone in your life who asks too much of you or makes you do things you don't want to. How far are you willing to go to please them?
  • Be firm when setting boundaries, and don’t ever apologize for saying “no” to interactions or situations that may make you feel off—you know what’s best for you!

Step 4 Set goals...

  • For instance, maybe you want to write a book. Start a goal to write 500 words a day.
  • Perhaps you want to make the largest cake for your nephew’s birthday. Set a goal to practice a new decorating skill every weekend.
  • Your goals may change over time, and that’s perfectly okay! People change and grow with time, so don’t be afraid to alter your visions and follow new dreams.

Expert Q&A

  • Make sure you’re open to testing out different methods, and throwing out the ones that don’t serve you. Get experimental on your self-discovery journey and know that there’s no failures, only different paths of discovery. Thanks Helpful 8 Not Helpful 1

how to know yourself essay

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Understand Your Personality

  • ↑ https://medium.com/radical-culture/the-impact-of-self-honesty-on-your-success-eb24d057ce43
  • ↑ https://www.usa.edu/blog/self-discovery-questions/
  • ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-become-self-aware
  • ↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1
  • ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness/definition
  • ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/body-image.html#
  • ↑ https://www.waldenu.edu/online-bachelors-programs/bs-in-psychology/resource/how-positive-self-talk-can-make-you-feel-better-and-be-more-productive
  • ↑ https://www.open.edu/openlearn/mod/oucontent/view.php?id=20017&printable=1
  • ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201603/looking-your-true-self-10-strategies-self-knowledge
  • ↑ https://hbr.org/2015/02/5-ways-to-become-more-self-aware
  • ↑ https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Family-Members-and-Caregivers/Taking-Care-of-Yourself
  • ↑ https://hbr.org/2015/04/stop-trying-to-find-your-true-self-at-work
  • ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201511/7-tips-create-healthy-boundaries-others
  • ↑ https://www.depressioncenter.org/toolkit/i-want-stay-mentally-healthy/goal-setting

About This Article

Jessica Elliott, ACC, CEC

To get to know yourself, write in a journal for a few minutes every day so you can keep track of your inner thoughts and feelings. As you write, ask yourself thoughtful questions, and try to be honest with yourself as you write down the answers. Some of these questions include, “What do you love doing?” “What are your dreams in life?” and “What are some mistakes you’ve made?” As you read through your journal, you’ll start to notice certain hopes, feelings, and regrets emerging that can give you more insight into yourself. Keep reading to learn how mindfulness and meditation can help you get to know yourself better! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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9 Tips for Writing an Essay About Yourself

You know yourself better than anyone else, but writing about yourself can still be tough! When applying for scholarships or to college, essay prompts  can feel so general (and yet so specific!) that they leave us stumped.  So we’ll show you 8 tips to write an essay about yourself, so that you can land more scholarships. (Psst – Going Merry makes applying easy .)

1. Create a List of Questions

2. brainstorm and outline, 3. be vulnerable, 4. use personal examples, 5. write in the first person, 6. don’t be afraid to show off…but stay on topic, 7. show personality , 8. know your audience, 9. proofread and edit.

Let’s start with some examples of personal essay prompts:

  • Tell me about yourself.
  • Describe a challenge or event that made you who you are today.
  • What are your short and long-term goals, and how do you plan to achieve them?
  • Write about a time you failed at something. How did it affect you?

These are just a few of many scholarship essay prompts that require you to look internally, to answer a question, solve a problem, or explain a scenario in your life.  

We get it. You might not be a big fan of bragging about yourself, or you might want to keep your personal stories to yourself. But by opening up and sharing your story, you can show scholarship providers, colleges and universities who you are, and why you’re deserving of their scholarship.

(Don’t just take our word for it – check out our scholarship winners page full of students like you who were brave enough to share their stories with us).

how to write an essay about yourself

To get started, check out these 9 tips on how to write an essay about yourself:

After reading through the scholarship essay prompt, breathe, and make a list of smaller questions you can answer, which relate to the big essay prompt question. 

Let’s say the main essay prompt question asks you, “What were challenges or barriers you had to work to overcome?” Then the smaller questions might be something like:

  • What is your background? Family, finances, school.
  • What was challenging about that background?
  • What’s your greatest accomplishment? How did you get there? How have previous challenges influenced your goals?

Think of these questions as mini-prompts. They explain your story and help you answer the main essay prompt with more details than if you just answered it without a plan in place.

After considering smaller questions, it’s time to brainstorm your answers.  Take out a pen and paper – or open up a document on a computer – and take your time in answering each mini-prompt. Organize your responses in order:

  • Intro to main essay prompt.
  • Answer about 3 mini-prompt questions.
  • Conclude by rewriting the answer to the main essay prompt with a summary of your mini-prompt answers.

This organization will help you stay on topic and answer the prompt directly. (Or check out these 6 scholarship essay examples for alternative essay structures.)

Don’t be afraid to let your strengths, challenges, and personal stories shine through in your essay! Scholarship and admissions committees love to see that you’re self-aware how you can improve as a person, or how you’ve grown because of your experiences. Honest writing can help tell the best stories (in this case, YOUR story).

how to write an essay about yourself

Since this essay is all about you , you should make your answer as specific as possible! Avoid using generalizations (e.g., “I’m really good at music). Instead, go for more personalized statements (e.g., “My fourth-grade teacher Ms. Matay really inspired me to pursue my interest in the clarinet”). Your personal examples are what will help your scholarship essay stand out among the thousands of applicants..

 You’re telling your story, so write from your perspective! You can narrate your story. You can provide an overview of what you learned from your experiences. However you choose to answer the prompt, we recommend writing in an active tone, and using “I” and “me” throughout your essay.

Most students worry about bragging in their essay, but we say go for it! This is your time to shine, so highlight your accomplishments and strengths.  Review your essay to make sure that you’re keeping the tone informative and that you’re still on topic. (Brag while answering the essay prompt; don’t just mention random, unrelated but impressive facts about yourself!)You can use this brag sheet where you can brainstorm your accomplishments. While the worksheet is geared toward requesting letters of recommendation , you can still use it to write out your hobbies, interests, college list , and strengths to help you answer your scholarship essay prompt.

how to write an essay about yourself

Just because it’s an essay doesn’t mean it has to be dry and boring. This essay is all about you, so let your personality shine through. If you’re the class clown, you can use a bit of humor. If you wear your heart on your sleeve, don’t be afraid to show emotion. Trying your best to express who you are as a person will have a huge effect on the admissions or scholarship committee!

If you’re applying for a scholarship, research the scholarship provider. If you’re applying to college, research the school. Understanding what makes the provider/college unique and what their motivations are, will allow you to incorporate that information in your essay. For example, many scholarships are funded by private companies that sell products. You might want to reference those products in your essay. A good example of this is Emily Trader’s essay for the Life Happens organization , where she uses her personal narrative to explain the importance of insurance planning, since that is the mission of the organization (which is funded by insurance companies).

The last step in answering your essay prompt is to double-check your work! One typo can be distracting and cause scholarship providers to scratch their head while reading the essay. ( Psst, humble brag: Going Merry’s application platform includes spellcheck because we’ve got your back .) In addition to proofreading for typos and grammatical errors, also consider whether the sentence or paragraph structure makes sense. Are you breaking paragraphs in the right place? Are you using topic sentences well to signpost your main ideas? Does the essay flow? Consider these “bigger” structural questions too.  You might also want to ask a friend, family member, teacher, or guidance counselor to review your essay. They might catch something you didn’t see the first time around, and that can really help your essay! In fact, that is scholarship winner Daniel Gill ’s #1 tip. (Another tip is to apply for scholarships using Going Merry !)

how to write an essay about yourself

Also, check out this helpful list of the 10 most common scholarship essay topics while you’re brainstorming!

Top 10 Most Common Scholarship Essay Prompts Graphic

Now that you know how to write an essay about yourself, it’s time to start applying for scholarships! Remember: You’ve got this. 

Sign up for your free Going Merry profile . From there, you can easily upload and submit your essay for thousands of scholarships. We make it easy so you’ll only need to enter your profile information once! And then, you can apply away. In fact, we even have some bundled scholarships so that you only enter your essay once, to apply for multiple scholarships at the same time.

Or if you’re not ready to register, simply sign up to receive an email with 20 new scholarship opportunities each week. Just enter your email address below:

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Getting to Know Yourself Essay Example

Getting to know yourself is a hard task to do in the world we live in today. Although being able to know yourself will strengthen you as a person, the act of looking inwards and evaluating yourself and actions and finding out the reasons behind those actions can be tough. Some people don’t want to do that out of fear that they are wrong in some way. Fear can play a huge role in finding out who you are as a person. Some people don’t want to go and find out whether or not they like something out of some kind of fear. 

Everyone has fear, whether it is stage fright, fear of heights, or even fear itself; everyone is afraid of something. That fear can hold people back from doing things that they will actually enjoy. J.D. Moyer wrote in “Getting to Know Yourself, Finally,” “Some ten-year-olds know, unwaveringly, exactly who they are and what they want to do in life. Other people die old and regretful, always living other people’s agendas and never grabbing what they wanted out of life for themselves.” When I read that, I asked myself why people never grab what they want out of life. My only conclusion was that it must be out of fear. For example, some people want to become doctors, but they are afraid of failing and having nothing else to do if they fail, so they just pick an easier occupation. 

Another fear that is almost universal to everyone that some probably do not know they have is the fear of finding out who they truly are. I think that everyone is afraid that they are not a good person and that by looking inwards and shining that spotlight onto their personality in order to find out, they might find several things that they do not want to see. Some people overcome this fear and seek therapy in order to help shine that light, but others just do not want to bother and go on thinking that they are a good person. 

Getting to know yourself is not an easy task. There are a lot of obstacles that you may have to jump through, one of them being your own fears. Fears play a huge role in being able to find out who you truly are. Some people die never knowing who they truly are and never grabbing what they really want out of life because they are too scared to do so. Some people are just too scared to actually find out who they are out of fear of what that answer is.

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, how to write a 'tell us about yourself' essay.

Hey folks, one of the college applications I'm working on requires me to write an essay about myself. Can anyone share some tips, techniques, or sample essays to help me get started? I'm finding it a bit difficult to know where to begin. Thanks!

Hey there! Writing an essay about yourself can indeed be a bit challenging. I can give you some pointers to help you get started on crafting a compelling essay.

1. Brainstorm your standout qualities or experiences: Start by thinking about what sets you apart from others. It could be your interests, your background, your achievements, or your unique perspectives. Make a list of these qualities, as these can serve as the building blocks of your essay.

2. Begin with an anecdote or a hook: An engaging way to start your essay is with a brief narrative or an intriguing statement that captures the reader's attention. This can be a story from your life or an interesting fact about yourself. For instance, you could discuss how you developed a rare hobby or how your upbringing in a unique environment has shaped your worldview.

3. Focus on a central theme: It's important to have a central theme or message that ties your essay together. Your theme could be anything from personal growth to the value of community. Once you identify your theme, make sure to use your standout qualities and experiences to support and exemplify it throughout the essay.

4. Show, don't tell: Use vivid details and concrete examples to demonstrate your points, rather than just stating them. By painting a clear picture of your experiences and feelings, you allow the reader to truly understand your perspective and connect with your story.

5. Reflect on your experiences: Show the reader how your experiences have shaped you as a person. Self-reflection is an important element, as it demonstrates personal growth and self-awareness. For example, you might connect your interest in environmentalism to how it has made you more conscious of your own living habits and choices.

6. End on a strong note: Wrap up your essay with a memorable closing statement that reinforces your main theme. This could be a summary of your experiences or a statement of how you plan to apply the lessons you've learned to your future endeavors.

7. Edit and revise: Once you've written your essay, be sure to read it over multiple times to polish the language, check for grammar mistakes, and ensure that it flows smoothly. Getting feedback from friends or family can also be helpful to identify areas that need improvement.

Remember to stay genuine throughout your essay and let your authentic voice shine through. Your essay should reflect who you are and give the reader a sense of your personality and character. Good luck with your application!

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

Home / Essay Samples / Life / About Myself / Self-Discovery: Understanding and Knowing Yourself Better

Self-Discovery: Understanding and Knowing Yourself Better

  • Category: Life
  • Topic: About Myself , Being Yourself , Finding Yourself

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