essay on selfish friends

Short Essay on a Selfish Friend

Friends are plenty when the purse is full. But most of our friends are fair-weather friends. They are time servers. There are very few strand by us through thick and thin. Prosperity gains friends but diversity tries them. Adversity is the touchstone of friendship.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. True and selfless friends are rare in this selfish world. Friendship knows no rank, it makes no distinction between a king and a beggar. A friend is a friend, whether the world goes right or wrong.

A real friend is the balm of our life. He is selfless. He is prepared to sacrifice his all for us. He gives sane advice, criticizes our views and opinions in a constructive manner and directs our will and energy into proper channels.

A true friend is one who appreciates us, who knows our faults as well as virtues, who understands and sympathizes with our aims and objects and shares our ambitions and joys, hopes and disappointments.

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On the other hand, a selfish friend is a self-seeker. He is not good and honest. He is not prepared to sacrifice his personal interest for us. With him his own self is first and other things are afterwards. The friendship of a selfish man is of a hollow type.

A selfish friend is an opportunist. He does not love us but our money and the comforts that money can buy for him. His friendship is a business proposition. His friendship is based on the hope of some gain from us. His eye is always on some personal gain.

A selfish friend deserts us in our miseries. A selfish friend is never sincere. He is a hypocrite. He is worse than an enemy. He betrays us at the most critical moment. His actions are never in keeping with his words. He says something else and does something quite the contrary. He is not trustworthy.

A selfish friend is like a good apple that is rotten from within. He is very pleasant spoken, his words are as sweet as honey, he flatters you, he coaxes you and he says ditto to what you say. But his deeds give the lie to his words.

All the time he is playing a double game and making a fool of us. His oily tongue and his hypocritical talk induce in us a false sense of security and we leak out all our secrets to him. He makes a capital out of them and brings untold misery upon us. He is a wolf in the guise of a lamb. We must beware of a selfish friend.

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Friday essay: how philosophy can help us become better friends

Adjunct fellow, Macquarie University

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Friends, family, lovers – these are three mainstays in our intimate lives. We typically expect familial relationships to be solid, essentially for life. In our romantic lives, we search for the “one” to be with for life.

Friendships seem less important, at least in comparison. It is easy to think about friends as people who come and go with the seasons of life. This could be a massive miscalculation. There is a case to be made that friendship is not the third wheel to these other, more significant relationships.

Losing friends can be extremely painful. I was working as an ordained minister in the Anglican Church when I gave up my faith and ran off with a fellow church worker (who is still the love of my life). This had profound consequences, as you can well imagine. One of the most painful was that, almost overnight, I lost almost all of my friends.

I remember having lunch with one of them in the months after my sudden fall from grace. We had been best friends since high school. We had moved out of home together, shared a room together, played guitar together. We had been inseparable.

I tried to explain to him what I was thinking, why I could not believe what I used to believe. He looked me in the eyes and said, by way of conclusion, that the problem was not Christianity. “The problem is you.”

He refused to come to my wedding. That was 17 years ago and I don’t think we have spoken since.

Read more: Friday essay: on the ending of a friendship

Philosophers – both ancient and modern – have a lot to say about friendship. Aristotle theorised about friendship and has influenced our thinking about it ever since. In contemporary times, philosophers such as A.C. Grayling have written entire books about it.

But friendship remains perplexing – not least because it is hard to separate it from other kinds of love relationships. This is where my favourite philosopher – Friedrich Nietzsche – is helpful. From his work, we can see that friendship does not simply stand alongside these other kinds of relationships – it can be part and parcel of them.

The importance of being different

So what are the ingredients for durable, great friendships?

Nietzsche’s first insight is about difference: great friendships celebrate real differences between individuals.

This can be contrasted with a common ideal that people have about romance. We seem to be obsessed with romantic love as the key to a fulfilling life. Falling in love, and falling in love for life, is supposed to be the highest relationship goal. We see it in films (almost every romantic comedy and sitcom riffs on this idea), music (which is often to do with the personal catastrophe of not finding true love), and art.

Nietzsche is not so big on romantic love. One of his objections is that romantic love can manifest as a desire to disappear into the other person, a kind of mutual self-dissolution. In a short text called “Love makes the same”, he writes:

Love wants to spare the person to whom it dedicates itself every feeling of being other […] there is no more confused or impenetrable spectacle than that which arises when both parties are passionately in love with one another and both consequently abandon themselves and want to be the same as one another.

Putting aside whether all romantic love is like this (or only unhealthy versions of it), I think there is some truth here. People who are “in love” can fall into the trap of being possessive and controlling. It is not a stretch to understand this as a desire to erase difference.

By way of contrast, Nietzsche is big on friendship as a kind of relationship that maximises difference. For him, a good reason to invite someone into your personal life is because they offer an alternative and independent perspective. In Thus Spoke Zarathustra, he writes:

In one’s friend one should have one’s best enemy. You should be closest to him in heart when you resist him.

Obviously, not all friendships are like this. I think of the Aussie ideal of the “mate”: someone who always has your back, who always defends and protects, who always helps, no questions asked. According to Nietzsche, however, great friendship includes an expectation that the other person will pull away, push back, critique. A good friend will, at times, oppose you – become your enemy.

Read more: 3 reasons not to be a Stoic (but try Nietzsche instead)

Intimate knowledge

It might not seem feasible to include genuine enmity and opposition in your intimate life, but I would argue it is both possible and useful to have personal enmity in an intimate relationship. Only someone who knows you intimately can know how best to oppose you if they see you making mistakes or acting out; only someone with a deep and personal appreciation of your inner workings is able to be your enemy to help you.

This is the essence of great friendship. And we can see here how to solve the problem of bad romance. A.C. Grayling, an eminent British philosopher, has reflected on the problem of romance and friendship in his book Friendship (2013). Grayling can’t escape the basic assumption that friendship and romance are separate kinds of experiences, that one can’t mingle with the other. And, for him, friendship “trumps” all other types of relationship.

But for a romantic attraction to last and to be supportive and fulfilling, it must be based on great friendship – friendship that includes a celebration of difference, even to the point of welcoming critical reflection and opposition.

The difficulty we have with this idea reflects a general trend towards sameness in our social lives. This is exacerbated by our online existence. We live in a digital world that is fuelled by algorithms designed to push at us a million people who think and feel the same way we do.

Having a useful social circle, and maybe even a well-functioning society, cannot be about sameness – the same values, ideas, beliefs, directions, lifestyles. Difference is essential. But for this to work we must be able to occupy the same space with people who are wildly different to us, without taking offence or running away or getting aggressive or violent.

In fact, appreciation of profound difference is one of the signs of true intimacy. This is the art of great friendship, an art we seem to have lost. Recapturing it will produce larger social benefits.

I dream of a search engine I call “Gaggle”. It takes all the rejects from a Google search, the things that do not fit your profile, and sends you those results. That way, we could breathe the fresh air of new and unexpected ideas, and encounter strange people with weird approaches to life and confronting ethical and moral systems.

Read more: Sex, lies and Hegel: did the intimate lives of philosophers shape their ideas?

Giving and Taking

Another insight from Nietzsche has to do with giving and taking. His idea of great friendship suggests it is OK to be selfish in our most intimate relationships.

Selfishness has a terrible reputation. Our society demonises it, fetishising selflessness instead. This has the effect of making us feel bad about being selfish. As Nietzsche puts it:

The creed concerning the reprehensibility of egoism, preached so stubbornly and with so much conviction, has on the whole harmed egoism […] by depriving egoism of its good conscience and telling us to seek in it the true source of all unhappiness.

The idea that self-sacrifice is moral and selfishness is immoral has a long tradition. It can be traced to our society’s roots in the Christian faith. The idea that sacrificing yourself for someone else is somehow godlike is enshrined in Christian belief: Jesus died to save us from our sins, God the Father gave up his only Son, and so on.

This comes back to our obsession with love, but not romantic love this time. It is, rather, the kind of love where you put other people ahead of yourself as a kind of relationship goal. Sacrificing yourself for others is often celebrated as a great moral achievement.

I think this idea of sacrifice is especially true of our familial relationships. There is an expectation that mothers and fathers (but especially mothers) will sacrifice themselves for the wellbeing of their children. As parents age, there is an expectation that their children will make sacrifices. When financial or other trouble hits – siblings step in to help.

This morality of selflessness is, in my opinion, bereft. But so is a reaction against it. You see the latter everywhere in the world of “inspo quotes”, where selfishness is king: self-compassion, self-love, self-care. It’s everywhere.

To react vigorously against something vacuous is itself vacuous. The paradigm is wrong. Nietzsche offers us an alternative:

This is ideal selfishness: continually to watch over and care for and to keep our souls still, so that […] we watch over and care for to the benefit of all.

Think about it this way. Self-concern and concern for others are only mutually exclusive if there is a limited amount of “concern” to spread around. If that were true, you would have to choose whether to lavish it on yourself or give it to others.

But how do we get an infinite amount “concern” to spread around? We are looking for a kind of psychological nuclear fusion: an infinitely self-sustaining and self-generating source of concern for others.

This is not as hard as it sounds. There is a kind of relationship that allows for this. You guessed it: great friendship.

Because friendship insists on difference, it creates the space for two individuals to nurture themselves so each has something to give the other person. Because you don’t try to assimilate a true friend into a version of yourself, you are free to do whatever is needed to build their personal resources.

This means it is OK to be in a relationship for what you can get out of it. You can be in a friendship – a truly great one – selfishly.

Read more: Finding your essential self: the ancient philosophy of Zhuangzi explained

Virtue, pleasure, advantage

This might be difficult to absorb, primarily because it challenges that dearly held moral conviction about selflessness. And it’s not just our Christian heritage that leads us down this path. You can see something like this in Aristotle, who thought friendships were based on one of three things: virtue, pleasure or advantage.

Virtue friendships are about recognising each other’s qualities or “goodness”. Pleasure friendships are about the enjoyment a person can derive from an intimate connection. Friendships of advantage are based on what each person can gain from the other.

For Aristotle, virtue friendships are the most perfect, because they are truly reciprocal. The other two types do not lead to ideal friendship, because they easily become one-sided. In other words, the highest form of friendship is one in which you don’t use your friend for some other (selfish) goal. You value them for who they are in themselves.

I am not an expert in Aristotelian philosophy, but I have many questions about this approach. What if the “good” in someone gives you pleasure? What if someone’s chief virtue is compersion – the ability to take pleasure in someone else’s pleasure? What if someone wants you be their friend so they can provide you with some sort of advantage?

I think Nietzsche’s concept of ideal selfishness works well with his ideal of friendship. Instead of seeing relationships as snapshots – you are either in it for yourself, or you are in it to help the other – we can see them as a cycle that repeats over time.

In great friendships, you give but you also take. There is space for you to be selfish – to top up, so to speak. You do this either in solitude or you draw on your friends. This might happen for a season, but then, having “topped up”, you have the personal and emotional resources to give back.

The key idea is that caring for yourself and caring for others are intertwined. One of the most important ways to look after yourself is to foster great friendships.

It is in this limited sense that I think we can see good familial relationships as also underpinned by great friendship. It is not about being best mates with your kids or your parents or your siblings. Even as parents and children, we can think carefully about how much we give, and how much we take, and be OK with both.

This idea about friendship has a broader context, which can be seen in Nietzsche’s way of thinking about relationships in general. He starts with the ancient Greeks, for whom contest was an essential part of their social lives.

Contests established a common baseline for excellence. They were central to sport (as in the Olympics), as well as artistic and cultural life. Poets, public speakers, guitar players – all participated in publicly adjudicated contests. The winners established standards of excellence for everyone to celebrate, including the losers.

Nietzsche adapts this idea into his ethics. For him, contest is at the centre of every intimate human connection. It is entirely natural for human beings to strive for self-expression. And if everyone is doing this all the time, we will inevitably strive against each other in some way. This is not out of animosity or ill will, nor even from competitiveness, in which the goal is simply winning. For Nietzsche, it is just the way we are.

This is why friendship is so important. It is the form of relationship best suited to sustaining contest between individuals, without rancour or domination. The startling implication of his approach is that for any kind of human relationship to work, it must have great friendship at its core.

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1000-Word Philosophy: An Introductory Anthology

Philosophy, One Thousand Words at a Time

Ethical Egoism: The Morality of Selfishness

Author: Nathan Nobis Category: Ethics Word Count: 999

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Selfishness is often considered a vice and selfish actions are often judged to be wrong. But sometimes we ought to do what’s best for ourselves: in a sense, we sometimes should be selfish.

The ethical theory known as ethical egoism states that we are always morally required to do what’s in our own self-interest. The view isn’t that we are selfish—this is psychological egoism [1] —but that we ought to be.

This essay explores ethical egoism and the main arguments for and against it.

1. Understanding Egoism

Selfish people often have nasty dispositions towards other people, but ethical egoism generally discourages that: such selfishness is rarely to our advantage, especially in the long run. And egoism does not suggest that we never help others: egoists might be quite generous.

Egoism does entail, however, that what makes acting like this right, when it is right, is that it’s for our own benefit: it makes us better off. So, if you must help someone else, this is only because doing so would be good for you; and if you should refrain from harming someone that’s also only because doing so is for your benefit.

2. Why Egoism?

2.1. individuals know themselves best.

Some egoists argue that, since we each know our own wants and needs best, everyone should focus on themselves: people meddling in other people’s lives tend to go badly.

2.2. The Unique Value of Your Own Life

Also, some claim that egoism uniquely recognizes the value of individuals’ lives and goals. Other ethical theories can require altruistic sacrifices of your interests for the sake of other people or abstract standards, whereas egoists maintain that each person has their own life to live for themselves , not anyone or anything else. [2]

2.3. Egoism’s Explanation of Right and Wrong

Finally, some egoists argue that their theory best explains what makes wrong actions wrong and right actions right. Kantians say it’s whether anyone is used as a “mere means”; consequentialists say it’s an action’s consequences; egoists say it’s really how someone’s actions impact their self-interest. [3]

Let’s respond to these arguments by reviewing some objections.

3. Why Not Egoism?

3.1. egoism and what’s good for everyone.

First, in response to the claim that egoism is desirable because everyone adopting it would be good for all, we should notice that this isn’t an egoistic argument since the motivating concern is everyone’s interests, which aren’t important if egoism is true: only you should matter to you.

And are we really always “meddling” with people when we help them—say by trying to help feed people who are starving to death or are living in dire poverty—as some egoists say we are?

3.2. Egoism and Contradictions

One objection assumes that ethical theories should help resolve conflicts: e.g., for consequentialists, who should win a presidential election? Whoever will produce the best consequences as president. Egoists, however, say that each candidate should do what’s in their best self-interest, which is winning the election. But, critics argue, they can’t both win, so egoism requires the impossible, so it can’t be correct. [4]

Egoists might respond that not everyone can do what’s right: if you win, you do what’s right; if you lose, you’ve done wrong.

They can also use this objection to refine egoism: you must try to do what’s best for you, not necessarily achieve that. Actual success is often difficult, but everyone can try.

3.3. Egoism and Wronging Others for Your Own Gain

Another objection takes us to the heart of the matter. Imagine this:

Your credit card bill is due tonight, but you won’t be able to pay the full amount until next month, so you will be charged interest and a late fee.

You just saw someone, however, accidentally leave their wallet on a park bench with a lot of cash hanging out of it. You saw where they went, but you could take the cash to pay the bill and nobody would ever know.

Also, you know of an elderly person who always carries a lot of cash on their evening walk. You know you could rob them, pay your bill, certainly never get caught and then buy dinner at a fancy restaurant.

If ethical egoism is true, not only can you permissibly take the wallet and rob someone, you must : not doing so would be wrong, since these crimes are in your self-interest. (If you’d feel guilty doing this, egoists respond that you shouldn’t since you’ve done nothing wrong on their view.)

Many believe that, since actions like these are clearly wrong, this shows that egoism is false and the argument at 2.3 fails: egoism does not best explain our moral obligations even if we sometimes must do what’s best for ourselves.

An egoist might respond that we are just assuming their theory is false: they don’t agree that we shouldn’t steal the wallet and refrain from assault. [5]

But we aren’t “assuming” anything: we just have better reason to believe that assault for personal gain is wrong than that egoism is true . Recall that racists and sexists do not agree that their forms of discrimination are wrong either, but this doesn’t justify racism or sexism. People sometimes hold false moral views; this might be true of egoists.

3.4. Egoism and Discrimination

Finally, racists and sexists think that people of their group are entitled to special benefits and are even justified in harming people not of their group. Egoists think something similar, but about themselves : harms they allow for and inflict on other people just don’t matter.

But is there anything about one’s race or sex or oneself that justifies treating others badly? No, so egoism is a form of prejudice, in favor of your own group of one, you . [6] This objection agrees with the argument at 2.2, that everyone does have their own life, but corrects it with the fact that everyone’s life matters, not just the egoist’s.

4. Conclusion

Doing what’s right is sometimes in our self-interest. If the above discussion is correct, though, that an action benefits us is never the sole reason it is right. And, more importantly, if an action is not in our own self-interest, we might be obligated to do it, nevertheless. [7]

There are other arguments about egoism. Reviewing them might be in our self-interest. Should we?

[1] Psychological egoism presents itself as an empirical, scientific, observational, or descriptive claim about our motives: everything we do is an attempt to make ourselves better off .

The problem though is that there is no good scientific evidence for this claim. We are sometimes selfish, or seek our own best interest, but what kind of observations could show that we are always selfish? Our many motives have never been adequately examined to conclude anything like that: furthermore, it’s often hard to conclusively determine what anyone’s motives are, especially since motives are often mixed.

Advocates of psychological egoism simply don’t have any such evidence, and perhaps couldn’t have such evidence, so the view is usually proposed as a kind of dogma or unsupported hypothesis, and so should not be accepted.

It’s worthwhile, however, to note that if psychological egoism were true (and we always did what we believe to be in our own interest), and ethical egoism were true (and so we must do what’s in our best self-interest, or try), then we would always do what’s right and could do no wrong we would always do what’s in our best self-interest. Since it seems clear that we don’t always do what’s right, or even try, at least one of these theories is false, if not both.

Also, if psychological egoism were true, then, since most other ethical theories require some altruism (that is, actions that benefit others, for their own sake), these other theories demand the impossible. And since some of us sometimes seem to be altruistic, psychological egoism seems to be false.

Furthermore, since ethical egoists advise making choices that benefit ourselves, that acknowledges that we might fail at doing that, and not even try, which suggests that even ethical egoists recognize that psychological egoism is false.

[2] For a presentation of this and related concerns, see Rand (1964).

[3] For an introduction to these theories, see Deontology: Kantian Ethics by Andrew Chapman and Consequentialism by Shane Gronholz

[4] For a presentation of this and related arguments, see Baier (1973).

[5] Egoists might consider this a “question-begging” response to their theory. To “beg the question” is to offer an argument that in some way assumes the conclusion of the argument as a premise: it’s a type of circular reasoning. So here the charge is that this response assumes that egoism is false in arguing that egoism is false. In the main text of this essay, I respond to this charge and explain why this argument against egoism is not question-begging.

[6] This argument was developed by James Rachels (1941-2003). For its most recent presentation, see Rachels and Rachels (2019). Beyond racism and sexism, another potential form of discrimination that can be compared and contrasted with egoism is “speciesism”: see Speciesism by Dan Lowe for discussion.  

[7] Related, but more subtle ethical questions, beyond the egoism-inspired question of whether others’ interests must be given any moral consideration or moral weight, are whether, and to what extent, we can ever be justifiably “partial” to anyone’s interests: e.g., can I permissibly act in ways that favor the interests of my family and loved ones, over the interests of, say, strangers? For an introduction to these questions, see (Im)partiality by Shane Gronholz. 

Baier, Kurt. “Ethical Egoism and Interpersonal Compatibility.” Philosophical Studies , vol. 24, no. 6, 1973, pp. 357–368 .

Rand, Ayn. The Virtue of Selfishness: A New Concept of Egoism . New York: New American Library, 1964.

Rachels, James and Rachels, Stuart. The Elements of Moral Philosophy , 9th Edition (1986, 1st edition). Boston: McGraw-Hill, 2019.

For Further Reading

Shaver, Robert, “Egoism”, The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Spring 2019 Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.).

Moseley, Alexander, “Egoism,” the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy .

Related Essays

Deontology: Kantian Ethics by Andrew Chapman

Consequentialism by Shane Gronholz

(Im)partiality by Shane Gronholz 

Why be Moral? Plato’s ‘Ring of Gyges’ Thought Experiment  by Spencer Case

Defining Capitalism and Socialism by Thomas Metcalf

Arguments for Capitalism and Socialism  by Thomas Metcalf

Happiness by Kiki Berk

Meaning in Life: What Makes Our Lives Meaningful? by Matthew Pianalto

Ethics and Absolute Poverty: Peter Singer and Effective Altruism by Brandon Boesch

The African Ethic of Ubuntu by Thaddeus Metz 

Speciesism by Dan Lowe

Evolution and Ethics by Michael Klenk

Social Contract Theory by David Antonini

John Rawls’ ‘A Theory of Justice’ by Ben Davies

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About the Author

Nathan Nobis is a Professor of Philosophy at Morehouse College, Atlanta, GA. He is the author of Animals & Ethics 101 , co-author of Thinking Critically About Abortion , a co-author of Chimpanzee Rights and author or co-author of many other articles, chapters, and reviews in philosophy and ethics. www.NathanNobis.com

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Essay on Friendship

List of essays on friendship, essay on friendship – short essay for kids (essay 1 – 150 words), essay on friendship – 10 lines on friendship written in english (essay 2 – 250 words), essay on friendship – for school students (class 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7) (essay 3 – 300 words), essay on friendship – for students (essay 4 – 400 words), essay on friendship (essay 5 – 500 words), essay on friendship – introduction, benefits and qualities (essay 6 – 600 words), essay on friendship – essay on true friendship (essay 7 – 750 words), essay on friendship – importance, types, examples and conclusion (essay 8 – 1000 words).

Friendship is a divine relationship, which is defined by neither blood nor any other similarity. Who is in this world does not have a friend?

A friend, with whom you just love to spend your time, can share your joys and sorrows. Most importantly you need not fake yourself and just be what you are. That is what friendship is all about. It is one of the most beautiful of the relations in the world. Students of today need to understand the values of friendship and therefore we have composed different long essays for students as well as short essays.

Audience: The below given essays are exclusively written for school students (Class 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 Standard).

Introduction:

Friendship is considered as one of the treasures that anyone can possess. God has given us the liberty to choose friends because they are for our lifetime. It is quite normal for our parents and siblings to love us because they are our own blood but a friend is someone who is initially a stranger and then takes his/her place above all the other relations. Friendship is nothing but pure love without any expectations.

Role of a Friend:

True friends share and support each other even during the toughest of times. A true friend is one who feels happy for our success, who feel sad for our failures, fight with us for silly things and hugs us the next second, gets angry on us when we do any mistakes. Friendship is all about having true friends who can understand us without the need for us to speak.

Conclusion:

Friendship is very essential for a happy life. Even a two-minute chat with a friend will make us forget our worries. That is the strength of friendship.

Friendship is a divine relationship, which is defined by neither blood nor any other similarity. Friends are those you can choose for yourself in spite of the difference you both have from each other. A good friend in need will do wonders in your life, whenever you are in need of self-realization, upbringing your confidence and more.

Friendship serves you best not only in your happiest moments but also when you feel low in emotions. A life without a good friend is not at all complete and an emptiness will be felt all the time you think of sharing your emotion that can’t be told to anyone else.

Honesty and Patience in Friendship:

To maintain and keep going with a good deep friendship, honesty is the most important factor. You should choose a person who can be cent percent honest with you in all perspective like emotions, decision making, etc. Trustworthy friendship will help you to take better decisions and choose a better path for your future well-being.

Tolerance and patience with each other are another important characteristics of long-lasting friendship. Accepting the differences, friends should be able to be with each other in all situations. As a friend, the person should lead the other to success by being a motivation and criticize the person if they choose the wrong path.

Friendship will give you sweet and happy memories that can be cherished for a lifetime and if you succeed in maintaining that precious relation, then you are the luckiest person in this world. Love and care for each other will cherish the relationship and helps the person to appreciate each thing done without any fail.

Of all the different relations which we indulge in, friendship is considered to be the purest of them all. Friendship is the true confluence of souls with like minded attitude that aids in seamless conversation and the best of times. It is believed that a person who doesn’t have any friend lives one of the toughest lives.

The Desire to Belong:

Each one of us have been so programmed that we need a companion even if it’s not romantic, someone just to tag along. There are several definitions of friendship and it is upon you as to how you believe your relation to be. Friendship can happen when you are simply sharing a bowl of food with a person day after day. It can be expressed in the way you silently care for someone even when they may not be aware of your existence.

The Little Moments that Matter:

It is giving up the little things you love dearly for the sake of someone you cherish a great deal. Friendship often refers to the little moments of senseless laugh you two share when the rest of the world starts to look bleak. It is to know what your friend needs and being there for them even when the rest of the world has turned their back towards them.

Friendship is the kind of relation which sometimes even exceeds the realms of love because it is all about giving without even once bothering to sense what you shall get back. Every time spent is special because when you are with friends, you don’t feel the blues!

The Bottom-Line:

Of course the definition of friendship is going to vary a great deal from one person to another. But, remember one thing, when you are friends with someone, be prepared to put your heart on the line for their happiness because friendship often manifests into love, even if it is not romantic, it always is true!

Friendship is the most valuable as well as precious gifts of life. Friendship is one of the most valued relationship. People who have good friends enjoy the most in their live. True friendship is based on loyalty & support. A good friend is a person who will stand with you when times are tough. A friend is someone special on whom you can rely on to celebrate a special moment. Friendship is like a life asset and it can lead us to success. It all depends on our choice how we choose our friends.

The quality of friendship is essential for happiness. The benefits of healthy friendship remains long-life. In addition, having a strong friend circle also improves our self-confidence. Due to the strong relationship, we get much emotional support during our bad times. True friendship is a feeling of love & care.

Real friendship cannot be built within limited boundaries like caste or creed. It gives us a feeling that someone really needs us & we are not alone. This is true that man cannot live alone. True friends are needed in every stage of life to survive. A true friend can be an old person or a child. But it is generally believed that we make friend with people who are of the same age as ours. Same age group can give you the freedom to share anything.

The selection of a true friend is also a challenging task. We have to carefully make our friend selection. Friends might come & go. They will make you laugh & cry. Wrong selection can create various problems for you. In the modern world, many youngsters become a social nuisance. The reason behind it is wrong & bad friendships.

But if we successfully choose the right person as a friend then our life becomes easier. It doesn’t matter who you are, what type of clothes you wear. The most important thing is trust because the relation of friendship stands on the pillars of trust.

Friendship is a relation which can make or break us in every stage of life. But in other words, friendship is an asset which is really precious. Obviously, it is also not so easy to maintain friendships. It demands your time as well as efforts. Last but not the least, it is hard to find true friendship but once you succeed in this task you will have a wonderful time. In exchange for that a friend will only need your valuable time and trust.

The idea of friendship is either heartwarming or gives cold feet depending on individuals and the types of friendships. In the current world, friendships have had different definitions based on the morality and civilization of the society. Ideally, friendship is defined as the state of mutual trust between individuals or parties. Trust is an important component of friendship because it determines the reliability and longevity of the friendship. Trust is built through honest communications between the individuals and interested parties.

Once trust has been established, mutual understanding and support being to form the resulting in a friendship. This friendship can be broken through lack of trust. Trust can be breached through deceit and/ or some people, it differs with the frequencies. There are people who will break friendships after only one episode of dishonesty whereas some people give second chances and even more chances. Friendship types determine the longevity and the causes of breakups. The importance of friendship in the lives of individuals is the reason why friendships are formed in the first place.

Types of Friendships:

According to Aristotle’s Nichomachean ethics, there are three types of friendships. The friendships are based on three factors i.e. utility, pleasure and goodness. The first type of friendship is based on utility and has been described as a friendship whereby both parties gain from each other.

This type of friendship is dependent on the benefits and that is what keeps the friendship going. This type of friendships do not last long because it dissolves as soon as the benefits are outsourced or when other sources are found outside the friendship. The friendship was invented for trade purposes because when two people with opposite things that depend on each other re put together, trade is maximized.

The second type of friendship is based on pleasure. This is described as friendship in which two individuals are drawn to each other based on desires of pleasure and is characterized by passionate feelings and feelings of belonging. This type of friendship can ether last long or is short-lived depending on the presence of the attraction between the two parties.

The third type of friendship is based on goodness. In this friendship, the goodness of people draw them to each other and they usually have the same virtues. The friendship involves loving each other and expecting goodness. It takes long to develop this kind of friendship but it usually lasts longest and is actually the best kind of friendship to be in. the importance of such a friendship is the social support and love.

In conclusion, friendships are important in the lives of individuals. Trust builds and sustains friendships. The different types of friendships are important because they provide benefits and social support. Friendships provide a feeling of belonging and dependence. The durability of friendships is dependent on the basis of its formation and the intention during the formation. Friendships that last long are not based on materialistic gain, instead, they are based on pure emotion.

Friendship is an emotion of care, mutual trust, and fondness among two persons. A friend might be a work-mate, buddy, fellow student or any individual with whom we feel an attachment.

In friendship, people have a mutual exchange of sentiments and faith too. Usually, the friendship nurtures more amongst those people who belong to a similar age as they possess the same passions, interests, sentiments, and opinions. During the school days, kids who belong to the similar age group have a common dream about their future and this makes them all of them get closer in friendship.

In the same way, employees working in business organizations also make friends as they are working together for attaining the organizational objectives. It does not matter that to which age group you belong, friendship can happen at any time of your life.

Benefits of Friendship:

Sometimes friendship is essential in our life. Below are a few benefits of friendship.

1. It’s impossible to live your life alone always but friendship fills that gap quickly with the friend’s company.

2. You can easily pass the rigidities of life with the friendship as in your distress period your friends are always there to help you.

3. Friendship teaches you how to remain happy in life.

4. In case of any confusion or problem, your friendship will always benefit you with good opinions.

True and Dishonest Friendship:

True friendship is very rare in today’s times. There are so many persons who support only those people who are in power so that they can fulfil their selfish motives below the name of friendship. They stay with friends till the time their selfish requirements are achieved. Dishonest friends leave people as soon as their power gets vanished. You can find these types of self-seeking friends all around the world who are quite hurtful than enemies.

Finding a true friendship is very difficult. A true friend helps the other friend who is in need. It does not matter to him that his friend is right or wrong but he will always support his friend at the time of his difficulty.

Carefulness in the Selection of Friendship:

You must be very careful while choosing friends. You should nurture your friendship with that person who does not leave you in your bad times easily. Once you get emotionally attached to the wrong person you cannot finish your friendship so soon. True friendship continues till the time of your last breaths and does not change with the passing time.

Friendship with a bad person also affects your own thoughts and habits. Therefore, a bad person should not be chosen in any type of circumstances. We must do friendship with full attention and carefulness.

Best Qualities of Good Friendship:

Good friendship provides people an enormous love to each other.

The below are the important qualities of good friendship:

1. Good friendship is always faithful, honest, and truthful.

2. People pay attention and take note of others thoughts in good friendship.

3. Persons quickly forget and let off the mistakes of the other friend. In fact, they accept their friend in the way they are actually.

4. You are not judged on the basis of your success, money or power in it.

5. Friends do not feel shy to provide us with valuable opinions for our welfare.

6. People always share their joyful times with their good friends and also stay ready to help their friends in the time of need.

7. True friends also support others in their professional as well as personal life. They encourage their friends in the area of their interest.

Friendship is established over the sacrifice, love, faith, and concern of mutual benefit. True Friendship is a support and a blessing for everybody. All those males and females who have true and genuine friends are very lucky really.

Friendship can simply be defined as a form of mutual relationship or understanding between two people or more who interact and are attached to one another in a manner that is friendly. A friendship is a serious relationship of devotion between two or more people where people involved have a true and sincere feeling of affection, care and love towards each other devoid of any misunderstanding and without demands.

Primarily friendship happens between people that have the same sentiments, feelings and tastes. It is believed that there is no limit or criteria for friendship. All of the different creed, religion, caste, position, sex and age do not matter when it comes to friendship even though friendships can sometimes be damaged by economic disparity and other forms of differentiation. From all of these, it can be concluded that real and true friendship is very possible between people that have a uniform status and are like-minded.

A lot of friends we have in the world today only remain together in times of prosperity and absence of problems but only the faithful, sincere and true friends remain all through the troubles, times of hardships and our bad times. We only discover who our bad and good friends are in the times where we don’t have things going our way.

Most people want to be friends with people with money and we can’t really know if our friends are true when we have money and do not need their help, we only discover our true friends when we need their help in terms of money or any other form of support. A lot of friendships have been jeopardised because of money and the absence or presence of it.

Sometimes, we might face difficulty or crises in our friendships because of self-respect and ego. Friendships can be affected by us or others and we need to try to strike a balance in our friendships. For our friendship to prosper and be true, we need satisfaction, proper understanding and a trustworthy nature. As true friends, we should never exploit our friends but instead do our utmost best to motivate and support them in doing and attaining the very best things in life.

The true meaning of friendship is sometimes lost because of encounters with fake friends who have used and exploited us for their own personal benefits. People like this tend to end the friendship once they get what they want or stab their supposed friends in the back just to get what they think is best for them. Friendship is a very good thing that can help meet our need for companionship and other emotional needs.

In the world we live in today, it is extremely difficult to come across good and loyal friends and this daunting task isn’t made any easier by the lie and deceit of a lot of people in this generation. So, when one finds a very good and loyal important, it is like finding gold and one should do everything to keep friends like that.

The pursuit of true friendship Is not limited to humans, we can as well find good friends in animals; for example, it is a popular belief that dogs make the best friends. It is very important to have good friends as they help us in times and situations where we are down and facing difficulties. Our true friends always do their best to save us when we are in danger and also provide us with timely and good advice. True friends are priceless assets in our lives, they share our pains and sorrow, help provide relief to us in terrible situations and do their best to make us happy.

Friends can both be the good or the bad types. Good friends help push us on the right path in life while on the other hand, bad friends don’t care about us but only care about themselves and can lead us into the wrong path; because of this, we have to be absolutely careful when choosing our friends in this life.

Bad friends can ruin our lives completely so we have to be weary of them and do our best to avoid bag friends totally. We need friends in our life that will be there for us at every point in time and will share all of our feeling with us, both the good and bad. We need friends we can talk to anytime we are feeling lonely, friends that will make us laugh and smile anytime we are feeling sad.

What is friendship? It is the purest form of relationship between two individual with no hidden agenda. As per the dictionary, it is the mutual affection between people. But, is it just a mutual affection? Not always, as in the case of best friends, it is far beyond that. Great friends share each other’s feelings or notions which bring a feeling of prosperity and mental fulfillment.

A friend is a person whom one can know deeply, as and trust for eternity. Rather than having some likeness in the idea of two people associated with the friendship, they have some extraordinary qualities yet they want to be with each other without changing their uniqueness. By and large, friends spur each other without censuring, however at times great friends scrutinize do affect you in a positive manner.

Importance of Friendship:

It is very important to have a friend in life. Each friend is vital and their significance in known to us when certain circumstances emerge which must be supported by our friends. One can never feel lonely in this world on the off chance that he or she is embraced by true friends. Then again, depression wins in the lives of the individuals who don’t have friends regardless of billions of individuals present on the planet. Friends are particularly vital amid times of emergency and hardships. On the off chance that you wind up experiencing a hard time, having a friend to help you through can make the change simpler.

Having friends you can depend on can help your confidence. Then again, an absence of friends can make you feel lonely and without help, which makes you powerless for different issues, for example, sadness and drug abuse. Having no less than one individual you can depend on will formulate your confidence.

Choosing Your Friends Wisely:

Not all friends can instill the positivity in your life. There can be negative effects as well. It is very important to choose your friends with utmost wisdom. Picking the right friend is somewhat troublesome task however it is extremely important. In the event that for instance a couple of our dear friends are engaged with negative behaviour patterns, for example, smoking, drinking and taking drugs, at some point or another we will be attracted to their bad habits as well. This is the reason behind why it is appropriate to settle on an appropriate decision with regards to making friends.

Genuine friendship is truly a gift delighted in by a couple. The individuals who have it ought to express gratitude toward God for having genuine pearls in their lives and the individuals who don’t have a couple of good friends ought to always take a stab at better approaches to anchor great friends. No organization is superior to having a friend close by in the midst of need. You will stay cheerful in your one-room flat on the off chance that you are surrounded by your friends; then again, you can’t discover satisfaction even in your estate in the event that you are far away from others.

Types of Friends:

There is variety everywhere, so why not in friends. We can see different types of friends during our journey of life. For instance, your best friend at school is someone with whom you just get along the most. That friend, especially in the case of girls, may just get annoyed even if you talk to another of your friend more than her. Such is the childish nature of such friendships that at times it is difficult for others to identify whether you are best friends or competitors.

Then there is another category of your siblings. No matter how much you deny, but your siblings or your elder brother and sisters are those friends of yours who stay on with you for your entire life. You have a different set of friendship with them as you find yourself fighting with them most of the times. However, in times of need, you shall see that they are first ones standing behind you, supporting you.

There is another category of friends called professional friends. You come across such friends only when you grow up and choose a profession for yourself. These friends are usually from the same organisation and prove to be helpful during your settling years. Some of them tend to stay on with you even when you change companies.

Friendship Examples from History:

History has always taught us a lot. Examples of true friendship are not far behind. We have some famous example from history which makes us realise the true value of friendship. The topmost of them are the Krishna and Sudama friendship. We all must have read or heard as to how after becoming a king when Krishna met Sudama, his childhood friend, he treated him with honour even though Sudama was a poor person. It teaches us the friendship need not be between equals. It has to be between likeminded people. Next example is of Karna and Duryodhana, again from the Mahabharat era.

Despite knowing the fact that the Pandavas were his brothers, Karna went on to fight alongside Duryodhan as he is his best friend and even laid down his life for him. What more example of true friendship can one find? Again from the same era, Krishna and Arjun are also referred to as the best of the friends. Bhagavad Gita is an example of how a true friend can guide you towards positivity in life and make you follow the path of Dharma. Similarly, there are numerous examples from history which teach us the values of true friendship and the need to nourish such for own good.

Whether you accept or deny it, a friend plays an important role in your life. In fact, it is very important to have a friend. However, at the same time, it is extremely important to choose the friends wisely as they are the ones who can build you or destroy you. Nonetheless, a friend’s company is something which one enjoys all through life and friends should be treated as the best treasure a man can have.

Friendship , Relationship

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Good, Neutral, and Bad Selfishness

Despite the negative connotation of "selfish," selfishness is not always bad..

Posted January 15, 2015 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

When someone says, "You are being selfish," there is no doubt that you have just been criticized. The message from your critic is clear: You are paying too much attention to your own wants, needs, and well-being, and not enough attention to others. Selfish behavior is often described as immoral. A good person thinks of others first. This idea is instantiated in the oft-quoted "It is more blessed to give than to receive" ( Acts 20:35 ) and "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country," ( JFK's 1/20/1961 inaugural address ).

According to some experts, selfish behavior is not only immoral, but it is also bad for your own psychological well-being. Renowned positive psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky has written an essay claiming that research supports the Chinese proverb that ends, "If you want happiness for a lifetime, help someone else."

Nonetheless, if you read enough self-help literature, you can't help but notice a different view about thinking of yourself first that seems to contradict the bad press about selfishness. The label self-care refers to prioritizing your own physical health and psychological well-being by engaging in good eating habits, exercise, sleep, relaxation, and enjoyable activities every day. Proponents of self-care like to point out that unless we take care of ourselves first, we will not be well enough to help and take care of others. As flight attendants tell passengers, "If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your own mask first , and then assist the other person."

So, is selfishness (thinking of yourself first) good or bad? When I am asked questions like this, my first response is to ask "Good for what (or whom)?" So the deeper question, as I see it, is "Who benefits from selfishness?" (Hence the name of this blog, Cui Bono : To whose benefit?)

The simple (and wrong) answer to this question is that when I behave selfishly it is always good for me but bad for others. True, there are many cases where people benefit (at least temporarily) at the expense of others. The most obvious cases are criminal acts such as assault, theft, and fraud. Harry Browne refers to the use or threat of violence to take from others what they do not want to voluntarily give up a one-sided transaction . Steven Covey calls this a win-lose transaction where one person gains while another loses. There are also noncriminal win-lose transactions, the most common one being emotional manipulation. If I pressure you to do something you do not want to do by making you feel guilty if you don't, or by yelling or withdrawing or being unpleasant in some other way, I got what I wanted at your expense.

The reason that one-sided or win-lose transactions are not always good for me is that there are negative consequences for me that outweigh the temporary gains. Obviously, criminal acts can result in fines or incarceration. But even mere emotional manipulation can have disastrous long-term consequences. If you exploit people they become less likely to cooperate with you voluntarily. They may even seek revenge against you or ask powerful relatives or friends to seek revenge against you.

More importantly, someone who engages in emotional manipulation to get what he or she wants develops a reputation as someone not worth dealing with, someone to shun and avoid. Reputation is no trivial thing, because happiness is very unlikely to be achieved alone, in isolation from the rest of society. To be happy, we need a network of people in our lives who like, love, and respect us, and to build such a network, we need to play fair.

I therefore call engaging in one-sided transactions "bad selfishness" because ultimately this behavior is bad for both the selfish person and the people victimized and exploited by the selfish person.

Then there is what I like to call "neutral selfishness." Neutral selfishness includes looking after your own well-being in ways that do not directly and substantially involve other people. If I take five minutes to brush my teeth to avoid the ill effects of tooth and gum disease, this is a form of neutral selfishness. In looking after my dental hygiene, I am neither taking away from someone's well-being nor adding to it. The same would be true if I take 10 minutes every morning to meditate.

I know there are people who might nitpick about whether there are really any neutral selfish behaviors. Some will say that I could have used the five minutes I spent brushing my teeth or 10 minutes I spent meditating to assist people at a homeless shelter. There are always people in need, so any behavior designed for my own benefit takes time away from what I could be doing to benefit others. But, as the self-care movement has pointed out, how much help can I be to others if I don't look after my own physical and psychological health first? Taking care of myself puts me in a better position to do things that benefit others. Therefore, I continue to believe that some selfish behaviors are nearly neutral; they do not immediately help or harm others. They may represent time taken away from directly helping others, but they also put me in better condition to help others.

In addition to bad selfishness and neutral selfishness, there is also what I call "good selfishness," which benefits both ourselves and other people. Harry Browne refers to good selfishness as a two-sided transaction , an exchange where two people willingly part with something in order to gain something they value. Because both people are winning something they want, Covey calls this a win-win transaction .

The clearest example of a two-sided transaction is a simple swap. If I trade my copy of The Beatles Love Me Do / P.S. I Love You single for your copy of The Beatles' first stereo pressing of Please Please Me because each of us values the other's record more than the one we own, we both feel like we are gaining in the swap. Of course, in modern economies we do not directly swap goods and services for all of our exchanges; money serves as an intermediary for two-sided transactions.

But two-sided transactions involve far more than economic exchanges of goods and services. Any time we do something with someone else because we enjoy the activity more than doing it alone, we have a two-sided transaction. If you go to a movie with a friend, you "exchange" knowing glances, laughter , and conversation, all of which enhance the experience for both of you. The same can be said for attending concerts, watching sporting events, and sitting on the beach. Some activities, such as putting on a theatrical production, playing basketball, engaging in sexual intercourse, and taking a course in positive psychology, actually require the participation of more than one person. As long as all partners in these activities are willing participants who are getting something of value that is worth what they are investing in the activity, these are all examples of two-sided transactions. All are forms of good selfishness—interactions that are good for both people.

A moment's reflection on the three kinds of selfishness tells us that if you want to maximize your happiness (and who doesn't?), you'll want to avoid bad selfishness (because it is likely to decrease your happiness in the long run) and willingly choose neutral and good selfishness.

As obvious as this might seem, why do so we so often hear that you have only two choices: to be selfish (which is bad) or to be selfless and serve others first (which is good)?

I have both an optimistic and not-so-optimistic answer to that question. The optimistic answer is that critics of selfishness are talking only about bad selfishness, and when they urge us to "do for others" they really mean to do for others in ways that are beneficial and rewarding to us (which would make the doing a two-sided transaction). So, I think these people have good intentions, but they confuse the issue by pitting selfishness against selflessness.

But I've also seen a darker answer that explicitly condemns self-interest in favor of advancing the interests of other people. While researching my blog post on seva (selfless service; part I , part II ), I found that while some ashrams make every attempt to find meaningful work that fits a new member's skills and interests, other ashrams intentionally assign unpleasant, mind-numbing, back-breaking drudgery. A rationale for the latter is that practicing unpleasant tasks will liberate a person from ego-attachments. Perhaps this is true, but what if it is not? What if this is just a way to trick others into doing difficult work that you would otherwise have to do yourself?

In my first post on seva, I described other dark examples where talk of the virtues of sacrifice and service is a trick to exploit and manipulate others: "I'm thinking of preachers who fleece their flocks , becoming ultra-rich by preaching the virtue of charitable giving. I'm thinking of war-lords who gain power by exaggerating external threats and convincing patriotic young people to sacrifice their lives in unnecessary wars . And I am thinking of any kind of 'mandatory service' program, because, in the words of James Joyner , 'the idea of mandatory voluntarism is as creepy is it is oxymoronic'." The irony in all of these examples is that the people who are telling us that selfishness is bad are actually engaging in bad selfishness themselves.

Those who would manipulate us into doing their dirty work give us a false choice between bad selfishness (gaining at the expense of others) and selfless sacrifice (doing good for others at a cost to you). Given only those choices, it's no wonder that our moral sensibilities vote for the latter. A slightly different version of this false choice pops up when people say that good relationships are based on compromises, where my partner and I take turns sacrificing for each other. ("I'll agree to be miserable going shopping with you if you agree to be miserable watching the football game with me.")

Fortunately, there is a better, third choice: Why not practice good selfishness, which benefits both ourselves and others?

John A. Johnson, Ph.D. , is a professor emeritus of psychology at Pennsylvania State University.

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How Do You Deal With a Selfish Friend?

What to Say to Someone Who Behaves Selfishly

• Relationships

If you've ever had a friend that seemed to take more from the friendship than give, you can relate to the term "selfish friend." A selfish friend is one that has made things all about them most of the time, which means you spend time, attention, energy, and probably, money, on their needs.

How Can You Tell If Your Friend Is Selfish?

Selfishness isn't always an obvious thing to spot in a friend. At first, this person might seem like they are very interested in you. Perhaps they ask you questions but before you can really answer they talk about their own life instead. Or maybe they go out of their way to ask how you are, but then turn the conversation to something they need right now instead.

It's nearly impossible to determine the selfishness in a friend until you've known them for a while and have seen them in a variety of situations. After all, we've all got our quirks and we can all be selfish at times.

Friendship , like any relationship, isn't always an equal division in who "takes." To be labeled a selfish friend, someone that embodies that term wholly means that the times when they put someone else before themselves are rare. In other words, they take much more of the time and give much less of the time.

Why Are You Friends?

There might be times when you question your friend's loyalty or attitude. The most common question people ask themselves when they realize their friend is selfish is: "Why am I friends with this person?" After all, no one likes to feel that they are being taken advantage of.

Don't be too hard on yourself. In order to be friends with a variety of people, you're going to come in contact with people who are selfish. It's a fact of life that you'll deal with selfishness at some point.

Here are some reasons you might have chosen to stay friends with a selfish friend:

• You enjoy their personality.
• You have other supportive friends that give you the emotional lift you need.
• You feel that your selfish friend is irritating but harmless.
• You think your friend will change.
• Your friend is the only one who will join you for a favorite activity, like biking, going to the ballet, action movies, author appearances, etc. In other words, your friendship is based on this activity and lacks the emotional connection that you have with other people.

Telling a Friend That You're Tired of Their Selfishness

The irony of selfish friends is that if you tell them you feel they are acting selfishly, they will either be shocked, offended that you suggested such a thing, or not care at all. If someone lacks the self-awareness to notice how they treat people, then you telling them might just cause an argument between the two of you rather than resolve this imbalance in your relationship.

Having said that, you owe it to yourself and the relationship to relay your concerns, but be careful. If you start randomly accusing them of things without examples you'll be the one behaving selfishly.

Avoid saying things like:

• "You always..."
• "You never..."
• "I hate when you..."

Instead, focus on specific times your friend has acted selfishly, and why this is bad for your friendship.

"When I told you I was really lonely and asked if I could see you, you laughed at me. I needed company and I'm there when you want to do something. This was an important moment and I felt that you weren't concerned about my feelings."

"I have listened patiently when you complained about your boyfriend, but now that I'm having problems you don't seem to care. Yesterday when I told you how I was feeling you just told me to get over it."

"You used to call me every day last summer when you wanted someone to watch your kids. I was happy to do it. But today when I asked you for a favor you blew me off. I've come to realize this instance happens more often than not."

Remember, as you talk to your friend, don't attack. It's a hard balance. Ask them to listen to your feelings rather than accuse them of things. Even if they did do something wrong, their memory of the situation might be different so be prepared for that. Also, be prepared with reasons why you feel your friend has acted selfishly so you can discuss what you'd like your friend to do instead. That's easier than just saying, "You're so selfish" without giving an example.

What Is Your Goal in Talking to Your Friend?

Before you speak with a friend about being selfish, determine your intentions. Do you want to work through things or end the friendship?

If you just want to end the friendship , you can do that without getting dramatic . A part of you might want to yell and tell the person how selfish they are, but instead, keep your composure and calmly tell them how you feel, even if you know this is the end of your association. This approach will have a much greater impact on a selfish person than hysterics or mean behavior.

Don't Try to Change a Selfish Friend

While you should definitely discuss your concerns about their selfishness, never assume that you'll change them. People will change when and if they want to, and while you can tell them how they make you feel, you can't expect them to turn into another (more caring) person. People are who they are.

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How to Deal With a Self Centered Friend

Last Updated: August 11, 2023 Approved

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS . Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, 88% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 318,352 times.

Everyone behaves in selfish and self-centered ways sometimes, but some people seem to do it more often than others. If you are frustrated with a friend’s selfish behavior, you'll need to know how to do something about it. There are several things that you can do to address a friend’s selfish behavior and create a better relationship. Start by identifying the problem, then talk to your friend about how you feel and look for solutions.

Identifying the Problem

• For example, you might say, “You seem wrapped up in the negative things that have been happening in your life. What's going on?”
• Encourage your friend to seek help if they're depressed or dealing with other serious issues. Advise your friend to talk to a school counselor or a therapist.

• Some friends ask for help but never give anything in return. In this case, they're taking more from the relationship than they're giving, leaving it one-sided.
• Others talk themselves all the time but never ask how you are. If you do talk, they seem uninterested. This is another example of a one-sided relationship.
• Another type of selfishness is attention seeking. They may constantly call you and try to get you to hang out. They don't respect your need for alone-time.

• Selfish or self-centered people may be insecure or have a negative self image. As such, they look for attention or try to get others to think about them.
• Consider their childhood. Maybe they expect attention because that's what they're used to. Maybe they're desperate for attention because they never got any growing up.

• Have you ever interrupted someone during a conversation?
• Have you ever gotten bored when someone else was talking and started thinking about a problem of your own?
• Did you ever insist someone to spend time with you, even though you knew that they weren't feeling well?

wikiHow Quiz: Is My Friend Toxic?

How often does your friend flake on plans.

Constantly! They almost always cancel at the last minute.

Frequently. I might as well flip a coin to see if they show up.

Occasionally. They usually have a good excuse, though.

Never. If they give me their word, I know they’ll be there.

Talking it Out

• Ensure that you have enough time for an in-depth conversation where you can get all of your thoughts out. An hour-long block should be enough.
• Choose a private place, such as a quiet park or one of your homes.
• Avoid restaurants, shops or bars. It may be hard to talk about personal issues with so many people around. Also, a poor reaction from your friend may create an embarrassing situation.

• For a friend who asks too many favors, say: “It really bothers me that you expect so much of me, but you don’t give much in return. ”
• If they talk about themselves too much, try: "You spend a lot of time talking about your feelings, but you never have much time to listen to me talk."
• If they always ask for help dealing with drama, say: "I know you've had some drama lately, but it's difficult for me to keep helping you. You're a great friend, but I feel like I'm doing too much work."

• If they often ask for money, talk about how this makes you feel. For example, it might make you feel as if they only want you for your money, not your friendship.
• For a friend that constantly complains but has no time for your problems, talk about how you feel less important in the relationship.
• Some friends may spend time at your house and make messes. Explain to them how frustrated you feel when they don't pitch in. Keep in mind, however, that this may be simply due to growing up in a home where not cleaning up is acceptable.

• If your friend says that they never realized how bad their behavior was and wants to fix it, you're on the right track. You may be able to work out a plan.
• It's not a good sign if they seem uninterested and don't see a need to change. You may need to end this type of friendship.
• Be understanding if they give excuses, especially if it deals with a big problem, like a death in the family. Wait until they're in a better frame of mind.

• For example, if you're tired of them talking all of the time and not listening to you, you could say: "I'd really appreciate it if you could listen more to what I have to say."

Working Through Behavior

• Let your friend know when they act selfish, such as constantly seeking attention by spamming you with text messages.
• If your friend made a promise to fix their behavior, then remind them of that promise. It's possible they forgot, and just need a gentle reminder.

• For example, if they always talk about themselves whenever you hang out, you could decline the invitation. You could also accept it, but steer the conversation your way.
• For example, if your friend is always looking for sympathy, stop giving it to them. Instead, offer solutions or help them see the positive side of the situation.

• Don’t let your friend’s behavior get to you or make you feel bad about yourself.

• Talk to your friend every few days. See if they're doing better in their personal lives, or whether they're holding up their promise to be less selfish.
• Hanging out with your friend is a great way to tell if their behavior is changing. Spend time together as you normally would, and see if your friendship feels different or improved.
• Talk to mutual friends to see if their promise has bled over into their other relationships. Other mutual friends may see an improvement in their behavior, or they may see the same old selfish actions.

• If they're the type who usually ignores you when you need help, this may help them understand how you feel, and encourage them to change.

• While it’s hard to do, toxic and negative people deserve no part in your life.

Expert Q&A

• Be careful if you have a group of selfish friends. If they all support each other in their selfishness, you may not have much chance to get through about their behavior. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 1
• Don’t skip the talking step. While it may be difficult or awkward to talk about your real feelings, telling the person how you feel is very important to changing the dynamic of your friendship. Thanks Helpful 5 Not Helpful 2
• Never complain excessively or be negative about the selfish person, especially if they are actively trying to change their behavior. They may hear about it and decide to stop trying. Thanks Helpful 3 Not Helpful 2

• Self centered friends may never change. Some selfish behavior is too deeply ingrained to ever go away completely, so don’t be too disappointed if the person doesn’t make any progress. Thanks Helpful 49 Not Helpful 7
• Don’t yell at the person or take anger out on them while talking. While they may deserve it, you will not get through to them by being angry. Only respectful, thoughtful dialog will make them understand how you feel. Thanks Helpful 38 Not Helpful 6
• Be careful if the selfish person is your family member. If the relationship gets to the point where you have to end it, it will be extremely difficult if the person is related to you. However, get help from other family members and hold your ground. Thanks Helpful 28 Not Helpful 6

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/200907/10-little-known-facts-about-depression
• ↑ http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Dealing-With-Selfish-People-Emotional-Pirates
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201403/4-ways-deal-selfish-people
• ↑ http://www.bustle.com/articles/144419-5-ways-to-deal-with-selfish-people
• ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-great-ways-deal-with-selfish-people.html
• ↑ http://www.cbsnews.com/news/how-to-spot-and-end-a-toxic-friendship/

About This Article

If you’re struggling to deal with a self-centered friend, set a time to discuss your concerns. Be specific about the issue and try to focus on your feelings during the discussion. If your friend keeps asking for help without giving any in return, don’t call them selfish. Instead, tell them this behavior bothers you. Remember, if your friend values you, they should agree to start making changes. For more advice from our reviewer, including how to work through self-centered behavior and how to end a toxic relationship, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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10 Characteristics of Selfish People and How To Deal With Them

How to tell if someone is selfish? Here are the characteristics of selfish people and how to deal with them elegantly.

We all have encountered one or more selfish people in life. They put themselves above others and care only about themselves. Needless to say, it’s hard to work or live with a selfish person.

While some of them are easy to spot from the crowd, many don’t show their true colors until you trust them and get disappointed. And if that someone is a close friend, partner, or family member, the signals can be blurred because of the intimacy.

So how do you tell if someone is self-centered? What are the characteristics of selfish people, and how do you deal with them? If you have the same questions, this post is for you.

Characteristics of selfish people

Avoid their responsibility.

One of the characteristics of selfish people is the disproportionate responsibilities they take for what they ask for.

For example, a selfish husband will ask his wife to take care of the chores and the children. But he is not willing to contribute to the family.

A selfish person on a group project at school wants their name on the final presentation. But they have trouble finishing their parts.

The lack of give-and-take balance is a typical sign of selfishness. And most likely, they don’t even notice. Or if they do, they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them.

“Me-first” mentality

Selfish people are hard to work with for a reason.

In a setting that requires teamwork and cooperation, they will ask, “what will this benefit me?” 

They are highly self-centered and focuses on their own interest. Anything that doesn’t bring them something in return is considered a waste of time.

They have very few real friends

One way to tell if someone is selfish is by checking their social circles. Selfish people have acquaintances but not real friends. 

Friendship requires a certain level of sacrifice and compromise. It asks you to put yourself in your friends’ shoes and support them without expecting anything in return.

This is nearly impossible for selfish people. They can’t help but calculate. And they are often alone because no one wants to be in a one-sided or fake friendship .

They can’t deal with “no”

Most selfish people can’t handle rejection well. They expect others to meet their selfish needs. But when their requests are denied, they can get frustrated or even angry.

So if you want to tell whether a person is selfish, see how they react to your rejection when they ask you for a favor.

They tend to be rude.

As one of the selfish people quotes says, “when we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.”

The rudeness selfish people show is mostly unintentional. They simply have very few thoughts for others. So they don’t realize they are being rude.

They will talk over you in a meeting or cut you in traffic. They ask you to help them, not caring about your willingness. It’s the lack of empathy that makes selfish people unknowingly rude and difficult to be around.

Unbothered by the influence

Selfish people don’t care about how their actions affect other people. 

For example, when they leave the shopping cart in the parking lot without placing it in the aisle, they don’t think about whether it will block the next car or if anyone needs it.

When they call you up in the middle of the night, they don’t care if you will lose sleep because of that. The small things tell a lot about a person’s character.

Self-centered and egoist

The characteristics of selfish people are sometimes hidden behind their words. They may not voice their needs directly. But they tend to talk about themselves more than others. 

Most of their sentences start with “I,” and you can sense their little to no consideration for others.

Ungratefulness

Selfish people aren’t thankful for the help they receive. Instead, they take it for granted. And they rarely think about how to return the favors.

The source of these toxic traits is the feeling of privilege. They consider themselves better than others and are entitled to others’ time and attention.

They have no interest in sharing.

Whether it’s movie tickets, homebaked goodies, or informational resources online, selfish people are not used to sharing with others. 

They are programmed to keep the valuables to themselves. And any attempt to force them to share will raise their alerts.

Selfish people are impossible to satisfy.

They always want more even when you have given them what they asked for. Greed and selfishness often appear together in one person.

And because they are used to getting what they want, it raises the threshold of satisfaction. That’s why it’s exhausting to deal with them.

Things selfish people do

To give you a better idea of the characteristics of selfish people, here is a list of selfish acts they will do in daily life.

It’s worth noting that one or two items on the list don’t necessarily identify a person as selfish. But if you know someone that checks most of the following behaviors, likely, they care only about themselves.

A selfish partner:

• Doesn’t answer or return calls or messages.
• Only considers himself while making important decisions.
• Manipulates you to get what they want.
• Doesn’t do his parts of chores or parenting.
• Doesn’t admit his faults.

Selfish people at work:

• Fail to deliver on their tasks.
• Always ask for someone else to help.
• Never volunteer to help.
• Avoid responsibility as much as possible.
• Take credit for other people’s work.

Selfish people in friendship:

• Only come to you when they need a favor.
• Rarely check in with you.
• Are reluctant to share.
• Always talk about themselves and make themselves the center of each conversation.
• May become irritated when you turn down their requests

How to deal with selfish people

Selfish people are hard to deal with. So how do you cope when you have them in your life? Here are some practical strategies for dealing with selfish people.

Learn from them

As counterintuitive as it sounds, there are things we can learn from selfish people, especially if you are used to putting others before yourself.

Selfish people, on the contrary, always put themselves first. They know what’s good and bad for them and make decisions with their best interests in mind.

So if you feel guilty putting yourself first, learning from the characteristics of selfish people will help you to love yourself more.

But also know that loving yourself is different from being selfish. It’s “me too” instead of “me first.” 

You can make yourself a priority without stepping on others. That’s something selfish people can’t do.

Don’t try to change them

Selfishness is a personal trait that, once formed, is hard to change. It will take intentional practices and interference to correct one’s selfish behaviors.

So if you have a selfish partner or coworker, don’t waste your time and energy trying to save them, especially when they don’t see an issue in themselves.

Stop fulfilling their requests or expectations.

As mentioned before, selfish people are impossible to satisfy. They will always have new favors to ask and new needs. And they will be upset even when you miss one of them.

So why bother to please them in the first place? If you are not comfortable with what they ask from you, simply say no. Protect your boundaries .

When you make yourself hard to be taken advantage of, they will stop trying to manipulate you. And you will make your life will be easier .

If you can, stay away

You deserve the same level of attention and energy you put into a relationship. Efforts should be mutual. Know that you will do better without toxic people holding you back.

What’s your story?

So here are the characteristics of selfish people and how to deal with them. How did you handle them in your life? Leave a comment down below and share your thoughts!

jhil lusabia

Friday 22nd of March 2024

Good insights. A selfish mother doesn’t think about the future and the effect on them of having an aging father ( older than her own parents)?

Essay on Friendship for Students and Children

500+ words essay on friendship.

Friendship is one of the greatest bonds anyone can ever wish for. Lucky are those who have friends they can trust. Friendship is a devoted relationship between two individuals. They both feel immense care and love for each other. Usually, a friendship is shared by two people who have similar interests and feelings.

You meet many along the way of life but only some stay with you forever. Those are your real friends who stay by your side through thick and thin. Friendship is the most beautiful gift you can present to anyone. It is one which stays with a person forever.

True Friendship

A person is acquainted with many persons in their life. However, the closest ones become our friends. You may have a large friend circle in school or college , but you know you can only count on one or two people with whom you share true friendship.

There are essentially two types of friends, one is good friends the other are true friends or best friends. They’re the ones with whom we have a special bond of love and affection. In other words, having a true friend makes our lives easier and full of happiness.

Most importantly, true friendship stands for a relationship free of any judgments. In a true friendship, a person can be themselves completely without the fear of being judged. It makes you feel loved and accepted. This kind of freedom is what every human strives to have in their lives.

In short, true friendship is what gives us reason to stay strong in life. Having a loving family and all is okay but you also need true friendship to be completely happy. Some people don’t even have families but they have friends who’re like their family only. Thus, we see having true friends means a lot to everyone.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Importance of Friendship

Friendship is important in life because it teaches us a great deal about life. We learn so many lessons from friendship which we won’t find anywhere else. You learn to love someone other than your family. You know how to be yourself in front of friends.

Friendship never leaves us in bad times. You learn how to understand people and trust others. Your real friends will always motivate you and cheer for you. They will take you on the right path and save you from any evil.

Similarly, friendship also teaches you a lot about loyalty. It helps us to become loyal and get loyalty in return. There is no greater feeling in the world than having a friend who is loyal to you.

Moreover, friendship makes us stronger. It tests us and helps us grow. For instance, we see how we fight with our friends yet come back together after setting aside our differences. This is what makes us strong and teaches us patience.

Therefore, there is no doubt that best friends help us in our difficulties and bad times of life. They always try to save us in our dangers as well as offer timely advice. True friends are like the best assets of our life because they share our sorrow, sooth our pain and make us feel happy.

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May 27, 2023, essay: a selfish friend.

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essay on selfish friends

Short essay on a selfish friend.

Friends are plenty when the purse is full. But most of our friends are fair-weather friends. They are time servers. There are very few strand by us through thick and thin. Prosperity gains friends but diversity tries them. Adversity is the touchstone of friendship.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. True and selfless friends are rare in this selfish world. Friendship knows no rank, it makes no distinction between a king and a beggar. A friend is a friend, whether the world goes right or wrong.

A real friend is the balm of our life. He is selfless. He is prepared to sacrifice his all for us. He gives sane advice, criticizes our views and opinions in a constructive manner and directs our will and energy into proper channels.

A true friend is one who appreciates us, who knows our faults as well as virtues, who understands and sympathizes with our aims and objects and shares our ambitions and joys, hopes and disappointments.

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On the other hand, a selfish friend is a self-seeker. He is not good and honest. He is not prepared to sacrifice his personal interest for us. With him his own self is first and other things are afterwards. The friendship of a selfish man is of a hollow type.

A selfish friend is an opportunist. He does not love us but our money and the comforts that money can buy for him. His friendship is a business proposition. His friendship is based on the hope of some gain from us. His eye is always on some personal gain.

A selfish friend deserts us in our miseries. A selfish friend is never sincere. He is a hypocrite. He is worse than an enemy. He betrays us at the most critical moment. His actions are never in keeping with his words. He says something else and does something quite the contrary. He is not trustworthy.

A selfish friend is like a good apple that is rotten from within. He is very pleasant spoken, his words are as sweet as honey, he flatters you, he coaxes you and he says ditto to what you say. But his deeds give the lie to his words.

All the time he is playing a double game and making a fool of us. His oily tongue and his hypocritical talk induce in us a false sense of security and we leak out all our secrets to him. He makes a capital out of them and brings untold misery upon us. He is a wolf in the guise of a lamb. We must beware of a selfish friend.

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Friday essay: how philosophy can help us become better friends

Adjunct fellow, Macquarie University

Disclosure statement

Neil Durrant does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

Macquarie University provides funding as a member of The Conversation AU.

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Friends, family, lovers – these are three mainstays in our intimate lives. We typically expect familial relationships to be solid, essentially for life. In our romantic lives, we search for the “one” to be with for life.

Friendships seem less important, at least in comparison. It is easy to think about friends as people who come and go with the seasons of life. This could be a massive miscalculation. There is a case to be made that friendship is not the third wheel to these other, more significant relationships.

Losing friends can be extremely painful. I was working as an ordained minister in the Anglican Church when I gave up my faith and ran off with a fellow church worker (who is still the love of my life). This had profound consequences, as you can well imagine. One of the most painful was that, almost overnight, I lost almost all of my friends.

I remember having lunch with one of them in the months after my sudden fall from grace. We had been best friends since high school. We had moved out of home together, shared a room together, played guitar together. We had been inseparable.

I tried to explain to him what I was thinking, why I could not believe what I used to believe. He looked me in the eyes and said, by way of conclusion, that the problem was not Christianity. “The problem is you.”

He refused to come to my wedding. That was 17 years ago and I don’t think we have spoken since.

Read more: Friday essay: on the ending of a friendship

Philosophers – both ancient and modern – have a lot to say about friendship. Aristotle theorised about friendship and has influenced our thinking about it ever since. In contemporary times, philosophers such as A.C. Grayling have written entire books about it.

But friendship remains perplexing – not least because it is hard to separate it from other kinds of love relationships. This is where my favourite philosopher – Friedrich Nietzsche – is helpful. From his work, we can see that friendship does not simply stand alongside these other kinds of relationships – it can be part and parcel of them.

The importance of being different

So what are the ingredients for durable, great friendships?

Nietzsche’s first insight is about difference: great friendships celebrate real differences between individuals.

This can be contrasted with a common ideal that people have about romance. We seem to be obsessed with romantic love as the key to a fulfilling life. Falling in love, and falling in love for life, is supposed to be the highest relationship goal. We see it in films (almost every romantic comedy and sitcom riffs on this idea), music (which is often to do with the personal catastrophe of not finding true love), and art.

Nietzsche is not so big on romantic love. One of his objections is that romantic love can manifest as a desire to disappear into the other person, a kind of mutual self-dissolution. In a short text called “Love makes the same”, he writes:

Love wants to spare the person to whom it dedicates itself every feeling of being other […] there is no more confused or impenetrable spectacle than that which arises when both parties are passionately in love with one another and both consequently abandon themselves and want to be the same as one another.

Putting aside whether all romantic love is like this (or only unhealthy versions of it), I think there is some truth here. People who are “in love” can fall into the trap of being possessive and controlling. It is not a stretch to understand this as a desire to erase difference.

By way of contrast, Nietzsche is big on friendship as a kind of relationship that maximises difference. For him, a good reason to invite someone into your personal life is because they offer an alternative and independent perspective. In Thus Spoke Zarathustra, he writes:

In one’s friend one should have one’s best enemy. You should be closest to him in heart when you resist him.

Obviously, not all friendships are like this. I think of the Aussie ideal of the “mate”: someone who always has your back, who always defends and protects, who always helps, no questions asked. According to Nietzsche, however, great friendship includes an expectation that the other person will pull away, push back, critique. A good friend will, at times, oppose you – become your enemy.

Read more: 3 reasons not to be a Stoic (but try Nietzsche instead)

Intimate knowledge

It might not seem feasible to include genuine enmity and opposition in your intimate life, but I would argue it is both possible and useful to have personal enmity in an intimate relationship. Only someone who knows you intimately can know how best to oppose you if they see you making mistakes or acting out; only someone with a deep and personal appreciation of your inner workings is able to be your enemy to help you.

This is the essence of great friendship. And we can see here how to solve the problem of bad romance. A.C. Grayling, an eminent British philosopher, has reflected on the problem of romance and friendship in his book Friendship (2013). Grayling can’t escape the basic assumption that friendship and romance are separate kinds of experiences, that one can’t mingle with the other. And, for him, friendship “trumps” all other types of relationship.

But for a romantic attraction to last and to be supportive and fulfilling, it must be based on great friendship – friendship that includes a celebration of difference, even to the point of welcoming critical reflection and opposition.

The difficulty we have with this idea reflects a general trend towards sameness in our social lives. This is exacerbated by our online existence. We live in a digital world that is fuelled by algorithms designed to push at us a million people who think and feel the same way we do.

Having a useful social circle, and maybe even a well-functioning society, cannot be about sameness – the same values, ideas, beliefs, directions, lifestyles. Difference is essential. But for this to work we must be able to occupy the same space with people who are wildly different to us, without taking offence or running away or getting aggressive or violent.

In fact, appreciation of profound difference is one of the signs of true intimacy. This is the art of great friendship, an art we seem to have lost. Recapturing it will produce larger social benefits.

I dream of a search engine I call “Gaggle”. It takes all the rejects from a Google search, the things that do not fit your profile, and sends you those results. That way, we could breathe the fresh air of new and unexpected ideas, and encounter strange people with weird approaches to life and confronting ethical and moral systems.

Read more: Sex, lies and Hegel: did the intimate lives of philosophers shape their ideas?

Giving and Taking

Another insight from Nietzsche has to do with giving and taking. His idea of great friendship suggests it is OK to be selfish in our most intimate relationships.

Selfishness has a terrible reputation. Our society demonises it, fetishising selflessness instead. This has the effect of making us feel bad about being selfish. As Nietzsche puts it:

The creed concerning the reprehensibility of egoism, preached so stubbornly and with so much conviction, has on the whole harmed egoism […] by depriving egoism of its good conscience and telling us to seek in it the true source of all unhappiness.

The idea that self-sacrifice is moral and selfishness is immoral has a long tradition. It can be traced to our society’s roots in the Christian faith. The idea that sacrificing yourself for someone else is somehow godlike is enshrined in Christian belief: Jesus died to save us from our sins, God the Father gave up his only Son, and so on.

This comes back to our obsession with love, but not romantic love this time. It is, rather, the kind of love where you put other people ahead of yourself as a kind of relationship goal. Sacrificing yourself for others is often celebrated as a great moral achievement.

I think this idea of sacrifice is especially true of our familial relationships. There is an expectation that mothers and fathers (but especially mothers) will sacrifice themselves for the wellbeing of their children. As parents age, there is an expectation that their children will make sacrifices. When financial or other trouble hits – siblings step in to help.

This morality of selflessness is, in my opinion, bereft. But so is a reaction against it. You see the latter everywhere in the world of “inspo quotes”, where selfishness is king: self-compassion, self-love, self-care. It’s everywhere.

To react vigorously against something vacuous is itself vacuous. The paradigm is wrong. Nietzsche offers us an alternative:

This is ideal selfishness: continually to watch over and care for and to keep our souls still, so that […] we watch over and care for to the benefit of all.

Think about it this way. Self-concern and concern for others are only mutually exclusive if there is a limited amount of “concern” to spread around. If that were true, you would have to choose whether to lavish it on yourself or give it to others.

But how do we get an infinite amount “concern” to spread around? We are looking for a kind of psychological nuclear fusion: an infinitely self-sustaining and self-generating source of concern for others.

This is not as hard as it sounds. There is a kind of relationship that allows for this. You guessed it: great friendship.

Because friendship insists on difference, it creates the space for two individuals to nurture themselves so each has something to give the other person. Because you don’t try to assimilate a true friend into a version of yourself, you are free to do whatever is needed to build their personal resources.

This means it is OK to be in a relationship for what you can get out of it. You can be in a friendship – a truly great one – selfishly.

Read more: Finding your essential self: the ancient philosophy of Zhuangzi explained

Virtue, pleasure, advantage

This might be difficult to absorb, primarily because it challenges that dearly held moral conviction about selflessness. And it’s not just our Christian heritage that leads us down this path. You can see something like this in Aristotle, who thought friendships were based on one of three things: virtue, pleasure or advantage.

Virtue friendships are about recognising each other’s qualities or “goodness”. Pleasure friendships are about the enjoyment a person can derive from an intimate connection. Friendships of advantage are based on what each person can gain from the other.

For Aristotle, virtue friendships are the most perfect, because they are truly reciprocal. The other two types do not lead to ideal friendship, because they easily become one-sided. In other words, the highest form of friendship is one in which you don’t use your friend for some other (selfish) goal. You value them for who they are in themselves.

I am not an expert in Aristotelian philosophy, but I have many questions about this approach. What if the “good” in someone gives you pleasure? What if someone’s chief virtue is compersion – the ability to take pleasure in someone else’s pleasure? What if someone wants you be their friend so they can provide you with some sort of advantage?

I think Nietzsche’s concept of ideal selfishness works well with his ideal of friendship. Instead of seeing relationships as snapshots – you are either in it for yourself, or you are in it to help the other – we can see them as a cycle that repeats over time.

In great friendships, you give but you also take. There is space for you to be selfish – to top up, so to speak. You do this either in solitude or you draw on your friends. This might happen for a season, but then, having “topped up”, you have the personal and emotional resources to give back.

The key idea is that caring for yourself and caring for others are intertwined. One of the most important ways to look after yourself is to foster great friendships.

It is in this limited sense that I think we can see good familial relationships as also underpinned by great friendship. It is not about being best mates with your kids or your parents or your siblings. Even as parents and children, we can think carefully about how much we give, and how much we take, and be OK with both.

This idea about friendship has a broader context, which can be seen in Nietzsche’s way of thinking about relationships in general. He starts with the ancient Greeks, for whom contest was an essential part of their social lives.

Contests established a common baseline for excellence. They were central to sport (as in the Olympics), as well as artistic and cultural life. Poets, public speakers, guitar players – all participated in publicly adjudicated contests. The winners established standards of excellence for everyone to celebrate, including the losers.

Nietzsche adapts this idea into his ethics. For him, contest is at the centre of every intimate human connection. It is entirely natural for human beings to strive for self-expression. And if everyone is doing this all the time, we will inevitably strive against each other in some way. This is not out of animosity or ill will, nor even from competitiveness, in which the goal is simply winning. For Nietzsche, it is just the way we are.

This is why friendship is so important. It is the form of relationship best suited to sustaining contest between individuals, without rancour or domination. The startling implication of his approach is that for any kind of human relationship to work, it must have great friendship at its core.

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How To Set Boundaries With Toxic Friends

Table of Contents

Introduction

Friendships are an essential and enriching aspect of our lives, providing us with support, companionship, and shared experiences. However, not all friendships are positive or healthy. Toxic friendships can harm our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and overall happiness. Recognizing the signs of toxicity and learning to set boundaries with toxic friends is vital for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting our mental and emotional health .

Identifying Toxic Friendships

Toxic friendships are characterized by negative and unhealthy patterns of behavior that consistently undermine your well-being. These patterns can manifest in various ways, such as constant criticism, jealousy, manipulation, lack of empathy, or an unbalanced and one-sided dynamic. It is important to be aware of these signs to identify toxic friendships and take the necessary steps to establish healthier boundaries.

Understanding the Importance of Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is fundamental to maintaining healthy relationships, whether with friends, family members, or colleagues. Boundaries serve as a framework that defines acceptable behavior, establishes mutual respect, and protects our emotional and physical well-being. By clearly communicating and enforcing our boundaries, we create a space where our needs are acknowledged and respected.

Recognizing the Signs of Boundary Violations

Toxic friends often disregard or violate personal boundaries. These boundary violations can range from subtle actions to more overt behaviors. Some common signs of boundary violations include constant invasion of privacy, pressuring you into activities or situations you’re uncomfortable with, disrespecting your wishes and personal space, or consistently disregarding your feelings and needs. Recognizing these signs is crucial for taking the necessary action to protect yourself.

Strategies for Setting Boundaries with Toxic Friends

Assess Your Needs and Values

Before setting boundaries, taking the time to assess your needs and values is essential. Reflect on what you are comfortable with and what behaviors or actions make you feel uneasy or violated. This self-awareness will provide a foundation for establishing boundaries that align with your well-being and personal values.

Communicate Openly and Assertively

Effective communication is key when setting boundaries with toxic friends. Clearly express your boundaries using “I” statements to emphasize how their behavior affects you personally. Be assertive, respectful, open to discussion, and firm in maintaining your boundaries. Clearly communicate the consequences if your boundaries are repeatedly violated.

Be Consistent and Firm

Consistency is crucial when setting boundaries with toxic friends. It is essential to avoid making exceptions or compromising your limits to accommodate their demands or manipulation. By being consistent and firm in upholding your boundaries, you send a clear message about your expectations and your commitment to self-care.

Practice Self-Care

Dealing with toxic friendships can be emotionally challenging, so it is essential to prioritize self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, spend time with supportive friends or loved ones, and cultivate self-care practices that nourish your well-being. Taking care of yourself will strengthen your resolve and provide the emotional resilience needed to maintain healthy boundaries.

Evaluate and Adjust Boundaries as Needed

As your friendship progresses, it is essential to evaluate the effectiveness of your boundaries periodically. Assess whether your boundaries are being respected and if any adjustments are necessary. Remember, setting boundaries is an ongoing process that requires continuous reflection and adaptation. It is natural for boundaries to evolve as you grow and change as an individual.

Dealing with Resistance and Reactions

Setting boundaries may elicit resistance or negative reactions from your toxic friend. They may try to manipulate, guilt-trip, or invalidate your boundaries to maintain control. It is essential to stay firm and remind yourself of the importance of your well-being. Seek support from trusted individuals who can guide, validate, and encourage you during this challenging process.

Seeking Support and Professional Help

If you find it difficult to set boundaries or if the toxic behavior persists despite your efforts, consider seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or support group. These professionals can offer valuable insights, strategies, and emotional support to help you navigate the complexities of toxic friendships. They can help you develop effective coping mechanisms, strengthen your assertiveness skills, and provide guidance on healthier ways to handle challenging relationships.

Setting boundaries with toxic friends is essential to maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships. By recognizing the signs of toxicity, communicating assertively, practicing self-care, and seeking support when needed, you can establish and maintain boundaries that promote positivity, respect, and personal growth. Remember, prioritizing your well-being and surrounding yourself with healthy relationships are vital components of a fulfilling and balanced life.

Q1: How do I know if my friend is toxic?

A1: Signs of a toxic friend include constant criticism, manipulation, jealousy, lack of empathy, or consistently disregarding your boundaries.

Q2: Can I fix a toxic friendship by setting boundaries?

A2: Setting boundaries is a positive step but may not always repair a toxic friendship. If your friend is unwilling to respect your boundaries, it may be necessary to reconsider the relationship .

Q3: Is it selfish to set boundaries with friends?

A3: No, setting boundaries is essential to self-care and self-respect. It allows you to protect your well-being and cultivate healthier relationships.

Q4: How can I deal with guilt when setting boundaries?

A4: Guilt is a common emotion when setting boundaries, but remember that prioritizing your well-being is not selfish. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand the importance of self-care.

Q5: When is it necessary to cut ties with a toxic friend?

A5: Cutting ties with a toxic friend may be necessary when the friendship consistently negatively impacts your well-being despite your efforts to set boundaries and address the issues.

At VeryWellMindset.com, we rely on reputable sources, such as peer-reviewed studies, to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the facts presented in our articles. To gain insight into our meticulous fact-checking methods and how we uphold the trust of our readers, we invite you to explore our  editorial process . It provides comprehensive details on maintaining our content’s accuracy, reliability, and trustworthiness.

References:

• Townsend, J. W. (2011). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan.
• Lancer, D. (2013). Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. Hazelden Publishing.
• Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1999). Boundaries in Marriage. Zondervan.
• Forward, S., & Frazier, D. (2003). Toxic Friends: A Practical Guide to Recognizing and Dealing with an Unhealthy Friendship. Harmony.
• Whitfield, C. L. (1991). Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self. Health Communications, Inc.
• McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2019). Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin. New Harbinger Publications.
• Jain, S., & Prakash, A. (2020). Toxic Friendship: Identifying and Dealing with Toxic Friends. Independently published.
• Nesse, R. M. (2019). Good Reasons for Bad Feelings: Insights from the Frontier of Evolutionary Psychiatry. Dutton.
• Brinkman, R., & Kirschner, R. (2002). Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst. McGraw-Hill Education.
• Lambert, J. M., & Dollahite, D. C. (2006). Healthy families: Principles and practices for building and maintaining strong families. Allyn & Bacon.

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True Friendship Essay

500 words true friendship essay.

Friendship is an essential part of everyone’s lives. One cannot do without friends, we must have some friends to make life easier. However, lucky are those who get true friendship in life. It is not the same as friendship. True friendship is when the person stays by you through thick and thin. Through true friendship essay, we will look at what it means and its importance.

Importance of True Friendship

Friendship has a significant value in our lives. It is responsible for teaching us a lot of unforgettable lessons. Some are even life-changing so we must cherish friendship. It is not common to find true friendship in life.

But when you do, make sure to hold on tightly to it. True friendship teaches us how to love others who are not our family. Ultimately, our friends also become our family. A true friendship makes life easy and gives us good times.

Thus, when the going gets tough, we depend on our friends for solace. Sometimes, it is not possible to share everything with family , that is where friends come in. We can share everything with them without the fear of being judged.

Moreover, true friendship also results in good memories. You spend time with friends and enjoy it to the fullest, later on, the same moments become beautiful memories. Only a true friendship will cheer on you and help you do better in life.

Through true friendship, we learn about loyalty and reliability. When you have a true friend by your side, nothing can stop you. Your confidence enhances and you become happier in life. Thus, it changes our life for the better and keeps us happy.

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Maintaining True Friendship

While it is lucky to get true friendship in life, it is also important to maintain this friendship so that one does not lose out on it. A time comes when we separate from our true friends, but one shouldn’t let distance act as a barrier.

It is essential to keep in touch with your friends so they know you are there for them. Most importantly, we must give our friends the love and respect they deserve. It is essential to treat them nicely so they never forget their worth.

Further, we must also remain honest with our friends. If you do not offer them all this, your friendship may begin to fade. Thus, make sure to pour equal shares of love, respect and honesty.

Conclusion of True Friendship Essay

Thus, we must never rush to make friends. Remember, true friendship cannot be faked. It will need a good foundation. So, a true friendship accepts the person for who they are instead of changing them. A true friendship will never have an ulterior motive, it will always offer selflessly.

FAQ on True Friendship Essay

Question 1: What are the signs of true friendship?

Answer 1: The signs of a true friendship are that they will accept you for who you are instead of trying to change you. Similarly, they will be there for you in good and bad times. They will celebrate your achievements and push you to do better if you fail. Most importantly, they will tell you the truth even if you don’t like it.

Question 2: Who is a true friend?

Answer 2: A true friend is someone who is always completely honest. Moreover, even if we don’t talk to them every day, we know they will be there for us. Thus, silence never gets awkward with them. We may not talk to them or see them for a long time, but when we meet them, it will be like old times.

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Good, Neutral, and Bad Selfishness

Despite the negative connotation of "selfish," selfishness is not always bad..

Posted January 15, 2015 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

When someone says, "You are being selfish," there is no doubt that you have just been criticized. The message from your critic is clear: You are paying too much attention to your own wants, needs, and well-being, and not enough attention to others. Selfish behavior is often described as immoral. A good person thinks of others first. This idea is instantiated in the oft-quoted "It is more blessed to give than to receive" ( Acts 20:35 ) and "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country," ( JFK's 1/20/1961 inaugural address ).

According to some experts, selfish behavior is not only immoral, but it is also bad for your own psychological well-being. Renowned positive psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky has written an essay claiming that research supports the Chinese proverb that ends, "If you want happiness for a lifetime, help someone else."

Nonetheless, if you read enough self-help literature, you can't help but notice a different view about thinking of yourself first that seems to contradict the bad press about selfishness. The label self-care refers to prioritizing your own physical health and psychological well-being by engaging in good eating habits, exercise, sleep, relaxation, and enjoyable activities every day. Proponents of self-care like to point out that unless we take care of ourselves first, we will not be well enough to help and take care of others. As flight attendants tell passengers, "If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your own mask first , and then assist the other person."

So, is selfishness (thinking of yourself first) good or bad? When I am asked questions like this, my first response is to ask "Good for what (or whom)?" So the deeper question, as I see it, is "Who benefits from selfishness?" (Hence the name of this blog, Cui Bono : To whose benefit?)

The simple (and wrong) answer to this question is that when I behave selfishly it is always good for me but bad for others. True, there are many cases where people benefit (at least temporarily) at the expense of others. The most obvious cases are criminal acts such as assault, theft, and fraud. Harry Browne refers to the use or threat of violence to take from others what they do not want to voluntarily give up a one-sided transaction . Steven Covey calls this a win-lose transaction where one person gains while another loses. There are also noncriminal win-lose transactions, the most common one being emotional manipulation. If I pressure you to do something you do not want to do by making you feel guilty if you don't, or by yelling or withdrawing or being unpleasant in some other way, I got what I wanted at your expense.

The reason that one-sided or win-lose transactions are not always good for me is that there are negative consequences for me that outweigh the temporary gains. Obviously, criminal acts can result in fines or incarceration. But even mere emotional manipulation can have disastrous long-term consequences. If you exploit people they become less likely to cooperate with you voluntarily. They may even seek revenge against you or ask powerful relatives or friends to seek revenge against you.

More importantly, someone who engages in emotional manipulation to get what he or she wants develops a reputation as someone not worth dealing with, someone to shun and avoid. Reputation is no trivial thing, because happiness is very unlikely to be achieved alone, in isolation from the rest of society. To be happy, we need a network of people in our lives who like, love, and respect us, and to build such a network, we need to play fair.

I therefore call engaging in one-sided transactions "bad selfishness" because ultimately this behavior is bad for both the selfish person and the people victimized and exploited by the selfish person.

Then there is what I like to call "neutral selfishness." Neutral selfishness includes looking after your own well-being in ways that do not directly and substantially involve other people. If I take five minutes to brush my teeth to avoid the ill effects of tooth and gum disease, this is a form of neutral selfishness. In looking after my dental hygiene, I am neither taking away from someone's well-being nor adding to it. The same would be true if I take 10 minutes every morning to meditate.

I know there are people who might nitpick about whether there are really any neutral selfish behaviors. Some will say that I could have used the five minutes I spent brushing my teeth or 10 minutes I spent meditating to assist people at a homeless shelter. There are always people in need, so any behavior designed for my own benefit takes time away from what I could be doing to benefit others. But, as the self-care movement has pointed out, how much help can I be to others if I don't look after my own physical and psychological health first? Taking care of myself puts me in a better position to do things that benefit others. Therefore, I continue to believe that some selfish behaviors are nearly neutral; they do not immediately help or harm others. They may represent time taken away from directly helping others, but they also put me in better condition to help others.

In addition to bad selfishness and neutral selfishness, there is also what I call "good selfishness," which benefits both ourselves and other people. Harry Browne refers to good selfishness as a two-sided transaction , an exchange where two people willingly part with something in order to gain something they value. Because both people are winning something they want, Covey calls this a win-win transaction .

The clearest example of a two-sided transaction is a simple swap. If I trade my copy of The Beatles Love Me Do / P.S. I Love You single for your copy of The Beatles' first stereo pressing of Please Please Me because each of us values the other's record more than the one we own, we both feel like we are gaining in the swap. Of course, in modern economies we do not directly swap goods and services for all of our exchanges; money serves as an intermediary for two-sided transactions.

But two-sided transactions involve far more than economic exchanges of goods and services. Any time we do something with someone else because we enjoy the activity more than doing it alone, we have a two-sided transaction. If you go to a movie with a friend, you "exchange" knowing glances, laughter , and conversation, all of which enhance the experience for both of you. The same can be said for attending concerts, watching sporting events, and sitting on the beach. Some activities, such as putting on a theatrical production, playing basketball, engaging in sexual intercourse, and taking a course in positive psychology, actually require the participation of more than one person. As long as all partners in these activities are willing participants who are getting something of value that is worth what they are investing in the activity, these are all examples of two-sided transactions. All are forms of good selfishness—interactions that are good for both people.

A moment's reflection on the three kinds of selfishness tells us that if you want to maximize your happiness (and who doesn't?), you'll want to avoid bad selfishness (because it is likely to decrease your happiness in the long run) and willingly choose neutral and good selfishness.

As obvious as this might seem, why do so we so often hear that you have only two choices: to be selfish (which is bad) or to be selfless and serve others first (which is good)?

I have both an optimistic and not-so-optimistic answer to that question. The optimistic answer is that critics of selfishness are talking only about bad selfishness, and when they urge us to "do for others" they really mean to do for others in ways that are beneficial and rewarding to us (which would make the doing a two-sided transaction). So, I think these people have good intentions, but they confuse the issue by pitting selfishness against selflessness.

But I've also seen a darker answer that explicitly condemns self-interest in favor of advancing the interests of other people. While researching my blog post on seva (selfless service; part I , part II ), I found that while some ashrams make every attempt to find meaningful work that fits a new member's skills and interests, other ashrams intentionally assign unpleasant, mind-numbing, back-breaking drudgery. A rationale for the latter is that practicing unpleasant tasks will liberate a person from ego-attachments. Perhaps this is true, but what if it is not? What if this is just a way to trick others into doing difficult work that you would otherwise have to do yourself?

In my first post on seva, I described other dark examples where talk of the virtues of sacrifice and service is a trick to exploit and manipulate others: "I'm thinking of preachers who fleece their flocks , becoming ultra-rich by preaching the virtue of charitable giving. I'm thinking of war-lords who gain power by exaggerating external threats and convincing patriotic young people to sacrifice their lives in unnecessary wars . And I am thinking of any kind of 'mandatory service' program, because, in the words of James Joyner , 'the idea of mandatory voluntarism is as creepy is it is oxymoronic'." The irony in all of these examples is that the people who are telling us that selfishness is bad are actually engaging in bad selfishness themselves.

Those who would manipulate us into doing their dirty work give us a false choice between bad selfishness (gaining at the expense of others) and selfless sacrifice (doing good for others at a cost to you). Given only those choices, it's no wonder that our moral sensibilities vote for the latter. A slightly different version of this false choice pops up when people say that good relationships are based on compromises, where my partner and I take turns sacrificing for each other. ("I'll agree to be miserable going shopping with you if you agree to be miserable watching the football game with me.")

Fortunately, there is a better, third choice: Why not practice good selfishness, which benefits both ourselves and others?

John A. Johnson, Ph.D. , is a professor emeritus of psychology at Pennsylvania State University.

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How Do You Deal With a Selfish Friend?

What to Say to Someone Who Behaves Selfishly

If you've ever had a friend that seemed to take more from the friendship than give, you can relate to the term "selfish friend." A selfish friend is one that has made things all about them most of the time, which means you spend time, attention, energy, and probably, money, on their needs.

How Can You Tell If Your Friend Is Selfish?

Selfishness isn't always an obvious thing to spot in a friend. At first, this person might seem like they are very interested in you. Perhaps they ask you questions but before you can really answer they talk about their own life instead. Or maybe they go out of their way to ask how you are, but then turn the conversation to something they need right now instead.

It's nearly impossible to determine the selfishness in a friend until you've known them for a while and have seen them in a variety of situations. After all, we've all got our quirks and we can all be selfish at times.

Friendship , like any relationship, isn't always an equal division in who "takes." To be labeled a selfish friend, someone that embodies that term wholly means that the times when they put someone else before themselves are rare. In other words, they take much more of the time and give much less of the time.

Why Are You Friends?

There might be times when you question your friend's loyalty or attitude. The most common question people ask themselves when they realize their friend is selfish is: "Why am I friends with this person?" After all, no one likes to feel that they are being taken advantage of.

Don't be too hard on yourself. In order to be friends with a variety of people, you're going to come in contact with people who are selfish. It's a fact of life that you'll deal with selfishness at some point.

Here are some reasons you might have chosen to stay friends with a selfish friend:

• You enjoy their personality.
• You have other supportive friends that give you the emotional lift you need.
• You feel that your selfish friend is irritating but harmless.
• You think your friend will change.
• Your friend is the only one who will join you for a favorite activity, like biking, going to the ballet, action movies, author appearances, etc. In other words, your friendship is based on this activity and lacks the emotional connection that you have with other people.

Telling a Friend That You're Tired of Their Selfishness

The irony of selfish friends is that if you tell them you feel they are acting selfishly, they will either be shocked, offended that you suggested such a thing, or not care at all. If someone lacks the self-awareness to notice how they treat people, then you telling them might just cause an argument between the two of you rather than resolve this imbalance in your relationship.

Having said that, you owe it to yourself and the relationship to relay your concerns, but be careful. If you start randomly accusing them of things without examples you'll be the one behaving selfishly.

Avoid saying things like:

• "You always..."
• "You never..."
• "I hate when you..."

Instead, focus on specific times your friend has acted selfishly, and why this is bad for your friendship.

"When I told you I was really lonely and asked if I could see you, you laughed at me. I needed company and I'm there when you want to do something. This was an important moment and I felt that you weren't concerned about my feelings."

"I have listened patiently when you complained about your boyfriend, but now that I'm having problems you don't seem to care. Yesterday when I told you how I was feeling you just told me to get over it."

"You used to call me every day last summer when you wanted someone to watch your kids. I was happy to do it. But today when I asked you for a favor you blew me off. I've come to realize this instance happens more often than not."

Remember, as you talk to your friend, don't attack. It's a hard balance. Ask them to listen to your feelings rather than accuse them of things. Even if they did do something wrong, their memory of the situation might be different so be prepared for that. Also, be prepared with reasons why you feel your friend has acted selfishly so you can discuss what you'd like your friend to do instead. That's easier than just saying, "You're so selfish" without giving an example.

What Is Your Goal in Talking to Your Friend?

Before you speak with a friend about being selfish, determine your intentions. Do you want to work through things or end the friendship?

If you just want to end the friendship , you can do that without getting dramatic . A part of you might want to yell and tell the person how selfish they are, but instead, keep your composure and calmly tell them how you feel, even if you know this is the end of your association. This approach will have a much greater impact on a selfish person than hysterics or mean behavior.

Don't Try to Change a Selfish Friend

While you should definitely discuss your concerns about their selfishness, never assume that you'll change them. People will change when and if they want to, and while you can tell them how they make you feel, you can't expect them to turn into another (more caring) person. People are who they are.

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How to Deal With a Self Centered Friend

Last Updated: August 11, 2023 Approved

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS . Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, 88% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 317,720 times.

Everyone behaves in selfish and self-centered ways sometimes, but some people seem to do it more often than others. If you are frustrated with a friend’s selfish behavior, you'll need to know how to do something about it. There are several things that you can do to address a friend’s selfish behavior and create a better relationship. Start by identifying the problem, then talk to your friend about how you feel and look for solutions.

Identifying the Problem

• For example, you might say, “You seem wrapped up in the negative things that have been happening in your life. What's going on?”
• Encourage your friend to seek help if they're depressed or dealing with other serious issues. Advise your friend to talk to a school counselor or a therapist.

• Some friends ask for help but never give anything in return. In this case, they're taking more from the relationship than they're giving, leaving it one-sided.
• Others talk themselves all the time but never ask how you are. If you do talk, they seem uninterested. This is another example of a one-sided relationship.
• Another type of selfishness is attention seeking. They may constantly call you and try to get you to hang out. They don't respect your need for alone-time.

• Selfish or self-centered people may be insecure or have a negative self image. As such, they look for attention or try to get others to think about them.
• Consider their childhood. Maybe they expect attention because that's what they're used to. Maybe they're desperate for attention because they never got any growing up.

• Have you ever interrupted someone during a conversation?
• Have you ever gotten bored when someone else was talking and started thinking about a problem of your own?
• Did you ever insist someone to spend time with you, even though you knew that they weren't feeling well?

wikiHow Quiz: Is My Friend Toxic?

How often does your friend flake on plans.

Constantly! They almost always cancel at the last minute.

Frequently. I might as well flip a coin to see if they show up.

Occasionally. They usually have a good excuse, though.

Never. If they give me their word, I know they’ll be there.

Talking it Out

• Ensure that you have enough time for an in-depth conversation where you can get all of your thoughts out. An hour-long block should be enough.
• Choose a private place, such as a quiet park or one of your homes.
• Avoid restaurants, shops or bars. It may be hard to talk about personal issues with so many people around. Also, a poor reaction from your friend may create an embarrassing situation.

• For a friend who asks too many favors, say: “It really bothers me that you expect so much of me, but you don’t give much in return. ”
• If they talk about themselves too much, try: "You spend a lot of time talking about your feelings, but you never have much time to listen to me talk."
• If they always ask for help dealing with drama, say: "I know you've had some drama lately, but it's difficult for me to keep helping you. You're a great friend, but I feel like I'm doing too much work."

• If they often ask for money, talk about how this makes you feel. For example, it might make you feel as if they only want you for your money, not your friendship.
• For a friend that constantly complains but has no time for your problems, talk about how you feel less important in the relationship.
• Some friends may spend time at your house and make messes. Explain to them how frustrated you feel when they don't pitch in. Keep in mind, however, that this may be simply due to growing up in a home where not cleaning up is acceptable.

• If your friend says that they never realized how bad their behavior was and wants to fix it, you're on the right track. You may be able to work out a plan.
• It's not a good sign if they seem uninterested and don't see a need to change. You may need to end this type of friendship.
• Be understanding if they give excuses, especially if it deals with a big problem, like a death in the family. Wait until they're in a better frame of mind.

• For example, if you're tired of them talking all of the time and not listening to you, you could say: "I'd really appreciate it if you could listen more to what I have to say."

Working Through Behavior

• Let your friend know when they act selfish, such as constantly seeking attention by spamming you with text messages.
• If your friend made a promise to fix their behavior, then remind them of that promise. It's possible they forgot, and just need a gentle reminder.

• For example, if they always talk about themselves whenever you hang out, you could decline the invitation. You could also accept it, but steer the conversation your way.
• For example, if your friend is always looking for sympathy, stop giving it to them. Instead, offer solutions or help them see the positive side of the situation.

• Don’t let your friend’s behavior get to you or make you feel bad about yourself.

• Talk to your friend every few days. See if they're doing better in their personal lives, or whether they're holding up their promise to be less selfish.
• Hanging out with your friend is a great way to tell if their behavior is changing. Spend time together as you normally would, and see if your friendship feels different or improved.
• Talk to mutual friends to see if their promise has bled over into their other relationships. Other mutual friends may see an improvement in their behavior, or they may see the same old selfish actions.

• If they're the type who usually ignores you when you need help, this may help them understand how you feel, and encourage them to change.

• While it’s hard to do, toxic and negative people deserve no part in your life.

Expert Q&A

• Be careful if you have a group of selfish friends. If they all support each other in their selfishness, you may not have much chance to get through about their behavior. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 1
• Don’t skip the talking step. While it may be difficult or awkward to talk about your real feelings, telling the person how you feel is very important to changing the dynamic of your friendship. Thanks Helpful 5 Not Helpful 2
• Never complain excessively or be negative about the selfish person, especially if they are actively trying to change their behavior. They may hear about it and decide to stop trying. Thanks Helpful 3 Not Helpful 2

• Self centered friends may never change. Some selfish behavior is too deeply ingrained to ever go away completely, so don’t be too disappointed if the person doesn’t make any progress. Thanks Helpful 49 Not Helpful 7
• Don’t yell at the person or take anger out on them while talking. While they may deserve it, you will not get through to them by being angry. Only respectful, thoughtful dialog will make them understand how you feel. Thanks Helpful 38 Not Helpful 6
• Be careful if the selfish person is your family member. If the relationship gets to the point where you have to end it, it will be extremely difficult if the person is related to you. However, get help from other family members and hold your ground. Thanks Helpful 28 Not Helpful 6

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/200907/10-little-known-facts-about-depression
• ↑ http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Dealing-With-Selfish-People-Emotional-Pirates
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201403/4-ways-deal-selfish-people
• ↑ http://www.bustle.com/articles/144419-5-ways-to-deal-with-selfish-people
• ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-great-ways-deal-with-selfish-people.html
• ↑ http://www.cbsnews.com/news/how-to-spot-and-end-a-toxic-friendship/

About This Article

If you’re struggling to deal with a self-centered friend, set a time to discuss your concerns. Be specific about the issue and try to focus on your feelings during the discussion. If your friend keeps asking for help without giving any in return, don’t call them selfish. Instead, tell them this behavior bothers you. Remember, if your friend values you, they should agree to start making changes. For more advice from our reviewer, including how to work through self-centered behavior and how to end a toxic relationship, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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How to Deal With Selfish Friends, Family, and Partners

The answer, as it so often is: Boundaries.

So how do you break the cycle with someone who seems terminally self-absorbed? Here's what two experts say about dealing with selfish people—and how to improve your relationships with them.

What causes someone to be selfish?

"Emotional intelligence exists on a spectrum, and some individuals are higher in emotional intelligence than others," says Lisa Marie Bobby , PhD, a Colorado-based marriage counselor, therapist, and life coach. "One symptom of low emotional intelligence is the tendency to be self-absorbed, or exclusively concerned about what you're thinking, feeling, needing and wanting, instead of the thoughts, feelings, needs and desires of others."

Exhausting as a loved one's pattern of selfish behavior may be, Bobby suggests taking a compassionate view of why they may act this way. "One thing that I've found to be helpful is to conceptualize the way that people are functioning in the context of their life experiences," she says. "People who are 'selfish' tend to have been raised in environments in which their feelings, thoughts, and needs weren't recognized or valued."

"In contrast, from earliest childhood, highly empathetic people have had their feelings and thoughts reflected back to them, and at least respected," Bobby continues. "In this way, thoughtful and compassionate people are not born, they're made. Likewise, people who have arrived in adulthood without the easy ability to understand or value the emotions of others tend to be products of their environment."

Calling out selfish behavior may backfire.

The friend or family member who turns every conversation into a monologue probably doesn't realize that they're annoying you at all, since they're not great at picking up others' social cues. That lack of self-awareness means that any talking-to about their perceived misbehavior may be poorly received—particularly if this is the first they're hearing of it.

"When people react badly to the people with low emotional intelligence, the latter will often feel genuinely surprised, offended, and even victimized," Bobby explains. While you can certainly try to have a thoughtful conversation, "generally speaking, more often than not, attempts to directly confront self-centered behavior and ask for improvement results in defensiveness, minimization and often, unproductive conflict," says Bobby.

Setting boundaries is crucial.

You can only control your own actions, not anybody else's. "This is really less about managing another person, and more about setting a boundary around what you’re available for and how you react ," says Nancy Levin , life coach and author of the upcoming book Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free. "If someone in our lives isn’t showing up for us, we can make a direct request around balance. But we also have to be prepared for the other person to not be able to meet us there."

"There’s a saying, 'don’t go to the hardware store for milk,'" she continues. "We have to check ourselves to see if we’re trying to get our needs met by someone who isn’t willing or able to."

Your radio silence can speak volumes.

While a full-on ghosting is generally bad relationship practice, Bobby says it's possible to "assist" a selfish person in examining their own behavior by reigning in the time and energy you spend on them. But don't expect overnight results, and change will only happen if they want it to.

"It's normal and natural to not want to spend as much time with someone who is self-centered and a poor listener," she says. "Over time, they may notice that they don't have that many friends, or have short-lived relationships, aren't advancing in their careers, or often feel lonely and disconnected. They may start to feel badly about that, and wonder why." A lot of self-reflection and a good therapist can work wonders, but it has to be their choice.

"Often, learning how to actively and empathetically listen, ask open-ended questions, and slow their process down to incorporate the perspectives of others are central to developing stronger relationships going forward," Bobby explains.

If you're dating or married to someone who's acting selfish...

Bobby suggests breaking things off if you notice selfish behavior early in a relationship. "Take self-centered behavior extremely seriously, and do not make the mistake that too many people do, especially women, which is to 'date optimistically.'"

However, in a long-term relationship or marriage, Bobby suggests working it out with a neutral party, such as a counselor. "The person who struggles with emotional intelligence skills needs guidance around how to be a more emotionally-present partner. However, the person on the other side of the dynamic may also need to work on having acceptance, compassion and appreciation for their partner as well."

Is a selfish friend truly a friend at all?

Maybe the answer is yes—but strictly for dish-deep outings like a shopping trip (see Levin's milk metaphor). But according to Bobby, "You'd do better to invest your time and energy into friendships with people who you can have a more balanced and mutually-generous relationship."

Things get thornier with parents and other family members.

Boundaries are often most challenging when it comes to family, and your resentment is likely intertwined with a long interpersonal history. If you find yourself feeling guilty , remember that "no" is a complete sentence . "Learn how check in with yourself around what you say yes to," says Levin. "If the yes is out of fear of someone’s disappointment or anger, or needing to be the hero… it’s a no."

"The best strategy here may be to lower your expectations dramatically, limit your time together, and look to other people to meet your emotional and relational needs," Bobby warns, "because you're not going to get them met here."

Check your own urge to people-please.

Others' selfish behavior certainly isn't your fault, but Levin says you'll want to make sure you're not indulging it. And if you realize you're locked in give-give-give mode, ask yourself what you're getting from that dynamic.

"Check yourself around 'giving to get'," Levin suggests. "Are you trying to buy love by over giving and people-pleasing? When you do too much for others, often at your own expense, you enable the other person to keep asking."

"If you’re not getting what you need, it may even be because you’re afraid to ask," she continues. "You may have your worthiness tied up in what you do, give, or produce. You’ll be astonished at the energy that returns to you when you’re able to release that."

For more stories like this, sign up for our newsletter .

Samantha Vincenty is the former senior staff writer at Oprah Daily. 

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10 Characteristics of Selfish People and How To Deal With Them

How to tell if someone is selfish? Here are the characteristics of selfish people and how to deal with them elegantly.

We all have encountered one or more selfish people in life. They put themselves above others and care only about themselves. Needless to say, it’s hard to work or live with a selfish person.

While some of them are easy to spot from the crowd, many don’t show their true colors until you trust them and get disappointed. And if that someone is a close friend, partner, or family member, the signals can be blurred because of the intimacy.

So how do you tell if someone is self-centered? What are the characteristics of selfish people, and how do you deal with them? If you have the same questions, this post is for you.

Characteristics of selfish people

Avoid their responsibility.

One of the characteristics of selfish people is the disproportionate responsibilities they take for what they ask for.

For example, a selfish husband will ask his wife to take care of the chores and the children. But he is not willing to contribute to the family.

A selfish person on a group project at school wants their name on the final presentation. But they have trouble finishing their parts.

The lack of give-and-take balance is a typical sign of selfishness. And most likely, they don’t even notice. Or if they do, they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them.

“Me-first” mentality

Selfish people are hard to work with for a reason.

In a setting that requires teamwork and cooperation, they will ask, “what will this benefit me?” 

They are highly self-centered and focuses on their own interest. Anything that doesn’t bring them something in return is considered a waste of time.

They have very few real friends

One way to tell if someone is selfish is by checking their social circles. Selfish people have acquaintances but not real friends. 

Friendship requires a certain level of sacrifice and compromise. It asks you to put yourself in your friends’ shoes and support them without expecting anything in return.

This is nearly impossible for selfish people. They can’t help but calculate. And they are often alone because no one wants to be in a one-sided or fake friendship .

They can’t deal with “no”

Most selfish people can’t handle rejection well. They expect others to meet their selfish needs. But when their requests are denied, they can get frustrated or even angry.

So if you want to tell whether a person is selfish, see how they react to your rejection when they ask you for a favor.

They tend to be rude.

As one of the selfish people quotes says, “when we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.”

The rudeness selfish people show is mostly unintentional. They simply have very few thoughts for others. So they don’t realize they are being rude.

They will talk over you in a meeting or cut you in traffic. They ask you to help them, not caring about your willingness. It’s the lack of empathy that makes selfish people unknowingly rude and difficult to be around.

Unbothered by the influence

Selfish people don’t care about how their actions affect other people. 

For example, when they leave the shopping cart in the parking lot without placing it in the aisle, they don’t think about whether it will block the next car or if anyone needs it.

When they call you up in the middle of the night, they don’t care if you will lose sleep because of that. The small things tell a lot about a person’s character.

Self-centered and egoist

The characteristics of selfish people are sometimes hidden behind their words. They may not voice their needs directly. But they tend to talk about themselves more than others. 

Most of their sentences start with “I,” and you can sense their little to no consideration for others.

Ungratefulness

Selfish people aren’t thankful for the help they receive. Instead, they take it for granted. And they rarely think about how to return the favors.

The source of these toxic traits is the feeling of privilege. They consider themselves better than others and are entitled to others’ time and attention.

They have no interest in sharing.

Whether it’s movie tickets, homebaked goodies, or informational resources online, selfish people are not used to sharing with others. 

They are programmed to keep the valuables to themselves. And any attempt to force them to share will raise their alerts.

Selfish people are impossible to satisfy.

They always want more even when you have given them what they asked for. Greed and selfishness often appear together in one person.

And because they are used to getting what they want, it raises the threshold of satisfaction. That’s why it’s exhausting to deal with them.

Things selfish people do

To give you a better idea of the characteristics of selfish people, here is a list of selfish acts they will do in daily life.

It’s worth noting that one or two items on the list don’t necessarily identify a person as selfish. But if you know someone that checks most of the following behaviors, likely, they care only about themselves.

A selfish partner:

• Doesn’t answer or return calls or messages.
• Only considers himself while making important decisions.
• Manipulates you to get what they want.
• Doesn’t do his parts of chores or parenting.
• Doesn’t admit his faults.

Selfish people at work:

• Fail to deliver on their tasks.
• Always ask for someone else to help.
• Never volunteer to help.
• Avoid responsibility as much as possible.
• Take credit for other people’s work.

Selfish people in friendship:

• Only come to you when they need a favor.
• Rarely check in with you.
• Are reluctant to share.
• Always talk about themselves and make themselves the center of each conversation.
• May become irritated when you turn down their requests

How to deal with selfish people

Selfish people are hard to deal with. So how do you cope when you have them in your life? Here are some practical strategies for dealing with selfish people.

Learn from them

As counterintuitive as it sounds, there are things we can learn from selfish people, especially if you are used to putting others before yourself.

Selfish people, on the contrary, always put themselves first. They know what’s good and bad for them and make decisions with their best interests in mind.

So if you feel guilty putting yourself first, learning from the characteristics of selfish people will help you to love yourself more.

But also know that loving yourself is different from being selfish. It’s “me too” instead of “me first.” 

You can make yourself a priority without stepping on others. That’s something selfish people can’t do.

Don’t try to change them

Selfishness is a personal trait that, once formed, is hard to change. It will take intentional practices and interference to correct one’s selfish behaviors.

So if you have a selfish partner or coworker, don’t waste your time and energy trying to save them, especially when they don’t see an issue in themselves.

Stop fulfilling their requests or expectations.

As mentioned before, selfish people are impossible to satisfy. They will always have new favors to ask and new needs. And they will be upset even when you miss one of them.

So why bother to please them in the first place? If you are not comfortable with what they ask from you, simply say no. Protect your boundaries .

When you make yourself hard to be taken advantage of, they will stop trying to manipulate you. And you will make your life will be easier .

If you can, stay away

You deserve the same level of attention and energy you put into a relationship. Efforts should be mutual. Know that you will do better without toxic people holding you back.

What’s your story?

So here are the characteristics of selfish people and how to deal with them. How did you handle them in your life? Leave a comment down below and share your thoughts!

jhil lusabia

Friday 22nd of March 2024

Good insights. A selfish mother doesn’t think about the future and the effect on them of having an aging father ( older than her own parents)?

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Essay on Friendship

List of essays on friendship, essay on friendship – short essay for kids (essay 1 – 150 words), essay on friendship – 10 lines on friendship written in english (essay 2 – 250 words), essay on friendship – for school students (class 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7) (essay 3 – 300 words), essay on friendship – for students (essay 4 – 400 words), essay on friendship (essay 5 – 500 words), essay on friendship – introduction, benefits and qualities (essay 6 – 600 words), essay on friendship – essay on true friendship (essay 7 – 750 words), essay on friendship – importance, types, examples and conclusion (essay 8 – 1000 words).

Friendship is a divine relationship, which is defined by neither blood nor any other similarity. Who is in this world does not have a friend?

A friend, with whom you just love to spend your time, can share your joys and sorrows. Most importantly you need not fake yourself and just be what you are. That is what friendship is all about. It is one of the most beautiful of the relations in the world. Students of today need to understand the values of friendship and therefore we have composed different long essays for students as well as short essays.

Audience: The below given essays are exclusively written for school students (Class 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 Standard).

Introduction:

Friendship is considered as one of the treasures that anyone can possess. God has given us the liberty to choose friends because they are for our lifetime. It is quite normal for our parents and siblings to love us because they are our own blood but a friend is someone who is initially a stranger and then takes his/her place above all the other relations. Friendship is nothing but pure love without any expectations.

Role of a Friend:

True friends share and support each other even during the toughest of times. A true friend is one who feels happy for our success, who feel sad for our failures, fight with us for silly things and hugs us the next second, gets angry on us when we do any mistakes. Friendship is all about having true friends who can understand us without the need for us to speak.

Conclusion:

Friendship is very essential for a happy life. Even a two-minute chat with a friend will make us forget our worries. That is the strength of friendship.

Friendship is a divine relationship, which is defined by neither blood nor any other similarity. Friends are those you can choose for yourself in spite of the difference you both have from each other. A good friend in need will do wonders in your life, whenever you are in need of self-realization, upbringing your confidence and more.

Friendship serves you best not only in your happiest moments but also when you feel low in emotions. A life without a good friend is not at all complete and an emptiness will be felt all the time you think of sharing your emotion that can’t be told to anyone else.

Honesty and Patience in Friendship:

To maintain and keep going with a good deep friendship, honesty is the most important factor. You should choose a person who can be cent percent honest with you in all perspective like emotions, decision making, etc. Trustworthy friendship will help you to take better decisions and choose a better path for your future well-being.

Tolerance and patience with each other are another important characteristics of long-lasting friendship. Accepting the differences, friends should be able to be with each other in all situations. As a friend, the person should lead the other to success by being a motivation and criticize the person if they choose the wrong path.

Friendship will give you sweet and happy memories that can be cherished for a lifetime and if you succeed in maintaining that precious relation, then you are the luckiest person in this world. Love and care for each other will cherish the relationship and helps the person to appreciate each thing done without any fail.

Of all the different relations which we indulge in, friendship is considered to be the purest of them all. Friendship is the true confluence of souls with like minded attitude that aids in seamless conversation and the best of times. It is believed that a person who doesn’t have any friend lives one of the toughest lives.

The Desire to Belong:

Each one of us have been so programmed that we need a companion even if it’s not romantic, someone just to tag along. There are several definitions of friendship and it is upon you as to how you believe your relation to be. Friendship can happen when you are simply sharing a bowl of food with a person day after day. It can be expressed in the way you silently care for someone even when they may not be aware of your existence.

The Little Moments that Matter:

It is giving up the little things you love dearly for the sake of someone you cherish a great deal. Friendship often refers to the little moments of senseless laugh you two share when the rest of the world starts to look bleak. It is to know what your friend needs and being there for them even when the rest of the world has turned their back towards them.

Friendship is the kind of relation which sometimes even exceeds the realms of love because it is all about giving without even once bothering to sense what you shall get back. Every time spent is special because when you are with friends, you don’t feel the blues!

The Bottom-Line:

Of course the definition of friendship is going to vary a great deal from one person to another. But, remember one thing, when you are friends with someone, be prepared to put your heart on the line for their happiness because friendship often manifests into love, even if it is not romantic, it always is true!

Friendship is the most valuable as well as precious gifts of life. Friendship is one of the most valued relationship. People who have good friends enjoy the most in their live. True friendship is based on loyalty & support. A good friend is a person who will stand with you when times are tough. A friend is someone special on whom you can rely on to celebrate a special moment. Friendship is like a life asset and it can lead us to success. It all depends on our choice how we choose our friends.

The quality of friendship is essential for happiness. The benefits of healthy friendship remains long-life. In addition, having a strong friend circle also improves our self-confidence. Due to the strong relationship, we get much emotional support during our bad times. True friendship is a feeling of love & care.

Real friendship cannot be built within limited boundaries like caste or creed. It gives us a feeling that someone really needs us & we are not alone. This is true that man cannot live alone. True friends are needed in every stage of life to survive. A true friend can be an old person or a child. But it is generally believed that we make friend with people who are of the same age as ours. Same age group can give you the freedom to share anything.

The selection of a true friend is also a challenging task. We have to carefully make our friend selection. Friends might come & go. They will make you laugh & cry. Wrong selection can create various problems for you. In the modern world, many youngsters become a social nuisance. The reason behind it is wrong & bad friendships.

But if we successfully choose the right person as a friend then our life becomes easier. It doesn’t matter who you are, what type of clothes you wear. The most important thing is trust because the relation of friendship stands on the pillars of trust.

Friendship is a relation which can make or break us in every stage of life. But in other words, friendship is an asset which is really precious. Obviously, it is also not so easy to maintain friendships. It demands your time as well as efforts. Last but not the least, it is hard to find true friendship but once you succeed in this task you will have a wonderful time. In exchange for that a friend will only need your valuable time and trust.

The idea of friendship is either heartwarming or gives cold feet depending on individuals and the types of friendships. In the current world, friendships have had different definitions based on the morality and civilization of the society. Ideally, friendship is defined as the state of mutual trust between individuals or parties. Trust is an important component of friendship because it determines the reliability and longevity of the friendship. Trust is built through honest communications between the individuals and interested parties.

Once trust has been established, mutual understanding and support being to form the resulting in a friendship. This friendship can be broken through lack of trust. Trust can be breached through deceit and/ or some people, it differs with the frequencies. There are people who will break friendships after only one episode of dishonesty whereas some people give second chances and even more chances. Friendship types determine the longevity and the causes of breakups. The importance of friendship in the lives of individuals is the reason why friendships are formed in the first place.

Types of Friendships:

According to Aristotle’s Nichomachean ethics, there are three types of friendships. The friendships are based on three factors i.e. utility, pleasure and goodness. The first type of friendship is based on utility and has been described as a friendship whereby both parties gain from each other.

This type of friendship is dependent on the benefits and that is what keeps the friendship going. This type of friendships do not last long because it dissolves as soon as the benefits are outsourced or when other sources are found outside the friendship. The friendship was invented for trade purposes because when two people with opposite things that depend on each other re put together, trade is maximized.

The second type of friendship is based on pleasure. This is described as friendship in which two individuals are drawn to each other based on desires of pleasure and is characterized by passionate feelings and feelings of belonging. This type of friendship can ether last long or is short-lived depending on the presence of the attraction between the two parties.

The third type of friendship is based on goodness. In this friendship, the goodness of people draw them to each other and they usually have the same virtues. The friendship involves loving each other and expecting goodness. It takes long to develop this kind of friendship but it usually lasts longest and is actually the best kind of friendship to be in. the importance of such a friendship is the social support and love.

In conclusion, friendships are important in the lives of individuals. Trust builds and sustains friendships. The different types of friendships are important because they provide benefits and social support. Friendships provide a feeling of belonging and dependence. The durability of friendships is dependent on the basis of its formation and the intention during the formation. Friendships that last long are not based on materialistic gain, instead, they are based on pure emotion.

Friendship is an emotion of care, mutual trust, and fondness among two persons. A friend might be a work-mate, buddy, fellow student or any individual with whom we feel an attachment.

In friendship, people have a mutual exchange of sentiments and faith too. Usually, the friendship nurtures more amongst those people who belong to a similar age as they possess the same passions, interests, sentiments, and opinions. During the school days, kids who belong to the similar age group have a common dream about their future and this makes them all of them get closer in friendship.

In the same way, employees working in business organizations also make friends as they are working together for attaining the organizational objectives. It does not matter that to which age group you belong, friendship can happen at any time of your life.

Benefits of Friendship:

Sometimes friendship is essential in our life. Below are a few benefits of friendship.

1. It’s impossible to live your life alone always but friendship fills that gap quickly with the friend’s company.

2. You can easily pass the rigidities of life with the friendship as in your distress period your friends are always there to help you.

3. Friendship teaches you how to remain happy in life.

4. In case of any confusion or problem, your friendship will always benefit you with good opinions.

True and Dishonest Friendship:

True friendship is very rare in today’s times. There are so many persons who support only those people who are in power so that they can fulfil their selfish motives below the name of friendship. They stay with friends till the time their selfish requirements are achieved. Dishonest friends leave people as soon as their power gets vanished. You can find these types of self-seeking friends all around the world who are quite hurtful than enemies.

Finding a true friendship is very difficult. A true friend helps the other friend who is in need. It does not matter to him that his friend is right or wrong but he will always support his friend at the time of his difficulty.

Carefulness in the Selection of Friendship:

You must be very careful while choosing friends. You should nurture your friendship with that person who does not leave you in your bad times easily. Once you get emotionally attached to the wrong person you cannot finish your friendship so soon. True friendship continues till the time of your last breaths and does not change with the passing time.

Friendship with a bad person also affects your own thoughts and habits. Therefore, a bad person should not be chosen in any type of circumstances. We must do friendship with full attention and carefulness.

Best Qualities of Good Friendship:

Good friendship provides people an enormous love to each other.

The below are the important qualities of good friendship:

1. Good friendship is always faithful, honest, and truthful.

2. People pay attention and take note of others thoughts in good friendship.

3. Persons quickly forget and let off the mistakes of the other friend. In fact, they accept their friend in the way they are actually.

4. You are not judged on the basis of your success, money or power in it.

5. Friends do not feel shy to provide us with valuable opinions for our welfare.

6. People always share their joyful times with their good friends and also stay ready to help their friends in the time of need.

7. True friends also support others in their professional as well as personal life. They encourage their friends in the area of their interest.

Friendship is established over the sacrifice, love, faith, and concern of mutual benefit. True Friendship is a support and a blessing for everybody. All those males and females who have true and genuine friends are very lucky really.

Friendship can simply be defined as a form of mutual relationship or understanding between two people or more who interact and are attached to one another in a manner that is friendly. A friendship is a serious relationship of devotion between two or more people where people involved have a true and sincere feeling of affection, care and love towards each other devoid of any misunderstanding and without demands.

Primarily friendship happens between people that have the same sentiments, feelings and tastes. It is believed that there is no limit or criteria for friendship. All of the different creed, religion, caste, position, sex and age do not matter when it comes to friendship even though friendships can sometimes be damaged by economic disparity and other forms of differentiation. From all of these, it can be concluded that real and true friendship is very possible between people that have a uniform status and are like-minded.

A lot of friends we have in the world today only remain together in times of prosperity and absence of problems but only the faithful, sincere and true friends remain all through the troubles, times of hardships and our bad times. We only discover who our bad and good friends are in the times where we don’t have things going our way.

Most people want to be friends with people with money and we can’t really know if our friends are true when we have money and do not need their help, we only discover our true friends when we need their help in terms of money or any other form of support. A lot of friendships have been jeopardised because of money and the absence or presence of it.

Sometimes, we might face difficulty or crises in our friendships because of self-respect and ego. Friendships can be affected by us or others and we need to try to strike a balance in our friendships. For our friendship to prosper and be true, we need satisfaction, proper understanding and a trustworthy nature. As true friends, we should never exploit our friends but instead do our utmost best to motivate and support them in doing and attaining the very best things in life.

The true meaning of friendship is sometimes lost because of encounters with fake friends who have used and exploited us for their own personal benefits. People like this tend to end the friendship once they get what they want or stab their supposed friends in the back just to get what they think is best for them. Friendship is a very good thing that can help meet our need for companionship and other emotional needs.

In the world we live in today, it is extremely difficult to come across good and loyal friends and this daunting task isn’t made any easier by the lie and deceit of a lot of people in this generation. So, when one finds a very good and loyal important, it is like finding gold and one should do everything to keep friends like that.

The pursuit of true friendship Is not limited to humans, we can as well find good friends in animals; for example, it is a popular belief that dogs make the best friends. It is very important to have good friends as they help us in times and situations where we are down and facing difficulties. Our true friends always do their best to save us when we are in danger and also provide us with timely and good advice. True friends are priceless assets in our lives, they share our pains and sorrow, help provide relief to us in terrible situations and do their best to make us happy.

Friends can both be the good or the bad types. Good friends help push us on the right path in life while on the other hand, bad friends don’t care about us but only care about themselves and can lead us into the wrong path; because of this, we have to be absolutely careful when choosing our friends in this life.

Bad friends can ruin our lives completely so we have to be weary of them and do our best to avoid bag friends totally. We need friends in our life that will be there for us at every point in time and will share all of our feeling with us, both the good and bad. We need friends we can talk to anytime we are feeling lonely, friends that will make us laugh and smile anytime we are feeling sad.

What is friendship? It is the purest form of relationship between two individual with no hidden agenda. As per the dictionary, it is the mutual affection between people. But, is it just a mutual affection? Not always, as in the case of best friends, it is far beyond that. Great friends share each other’s feelings or notions which bring a feeling of prosperity and mental fulfillment.

A friend is a person whom one can know deeply, as and trust for eternity. Rather than having some likeness in the idea of two people associated with the friendship, they have some extraordinary qualities yet they want to be with each other without changing their uniqueness. By and large, friends spur each other without censuring, however at times great friends scrutinize do affect you in a positive manner.

Importance of Friendship:

It is very important to have a friend in life. Each friend is vital and their significance in known to us when certain circumstances emerge which must be supported by our friends. One can never feel lonely in this world on the off chance that he or she is embraced by true friends. Then again, depression wins in the lives of the individuals who don’t have friends regardless of billions of individuals present on the planet. Friends are particularly vital amid times of emergency and hardships. On the off chance that you wind up experiencing a hard time, having a friend to help you through can make the change simpler.

Having friends you can depend on can help your confidence. Then again, an absence of friends can make you feel lonely and without help, which makes you powerless for different issues, for example, sadness and drug abuse. Having no less than one individual you can depend on will formulate your confidence.

Choosing Your Friends Wisely:

Not all friends can instill the positivity in your life. There can be negative effects as well. It is very important to choose your friends with utmost wisdom. Picking the right friend is somewhat troublesome task however it is extremely important. In the event that for instance a couple of our dear friends are engaged with negative behaviour patterns, for example, smoking, drinking and taking drugs, at some point or another we will be attracted to their bad habits as well. This is the reason behind why it is appropriate to settle on an appropriate decision with regards to making friends.

Genuine friendship is truly a gift delighted in by a couple. The individuals who have it ought to express gratitude toward God for having genuine pearls in their lives and the individuals who don’t have a couple of good friends ought to always take a stab at better approaches to anchor great friends. No organization is superior to having a friend close by in the midst of need. You will stay cheerful in your one-room flat on the off chance that you are surrounded by your friends; then again, you can’t discover satisfaction even in your estate in the event that you are far away from others.

Types of Friends:

There is variety everywhere, so why not in friends. We can see different types of friends during our journey of life. For instance, your best friend at school is someone with whom you just get along the most. That friend, especially in the case of girls, may just get annoyed even if you talk to another of your friend more than her. Such is the childish nature of such friendships that at times it is difficult for others to identify whether you are best friends or competitors.

Then there is another category of your siblings. No matter how much you deny, but your siblings or your elder brother and sisters are those friends of yours who stay on with you for your entire life. You have a different set of friendship with them as you find yourself fighting with them most of the times. However, in times of need, you shall see that they are first ones standing behind you, supporting you.

There is another category of friends called professional friends. You come across such friends only when you grow up and choose a profession for yourself. These friends are usually from the same organisation and prove to be helpful during your settling years. Some of them tend to stay on with you even when you change companies.

Friendship Examples from History:

History has always taught us a lot. Examples of true friendship are not far behind. We have some famous example from history which makes us realise the true value of friendship. The topmost of them are the Krishna and Sudama friendship. We all must have read or heard as to how after becoming a king when Krishna met Sudama, his childhood friend, he treated him with honour even though Sudama was a poor person. It teaches us the friendship need not be between equals. It has to be between likeminded people. Next example is of Karna and Duryodhana, again from the Mahabharat era.

Despite knowing the fact that the Pandavas were his brothers, Karna went on to fight alongside Duryodhan as he is his best friend and even laid down his life for him. What more example of true friendship can one find? Again from the same era, Krishna and Arjun are also referred to as the best of the friends. Bhagavad Gita is an example of how a true friend can guide you towards positivity in life and make you follow the path of Dharma. Similarly, there are numerous examples from history which teach us the values of true friendship and the need to nourish such for own good.

Whether you accept or deny it, a friend plays an important role in your life. In fact, it is very important to have a friend. However, at the same time, it is extremely important to choose the friends wisely as they are the ones who can build you or destroy you. Nonetheless, a friend’s company is something which one enjoys all through life and friends should be treated as the best treasure a man can have.

Friendship , Relationship

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Guest Essay

Stephen Breyer: The Supreme Court I Served On Was Made Up of Friends

By Stephen Breyer

Justice Breyer is a retired associate justice of the United States Supreme Court and the author of “Reading the Constitution: Why I Chose Pragmatism, Not Textualism.”

Recently, the Supreme Court justices Sonia Sotomayor and Amy Coney Barrett spoke together publicly about how members of the court speak civilly to one another while disagreeing, sometimes vigorously, about the law. Considerable disagreements on professional matters among the Supreme Court justices, important as they are, remain professional, not personal. The members of the court can and do get along well personally. That matters.

In my tenure, this meant that we could listen to one another, which increased the chances of agreement or compromise. It means that the court will work better for the nation that it serves. And I wonder: If justices who disagree so profoundly can do so respectfully, perhaps it is possible for our politically divided country to do the same.

Sandra Day O’Connor was the first woman appointed to the court; Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the second. I remember being slightly surprised when, during a visit to meet with several European judges, they suddenly disappeared. Where had they gone? It seems they went off together to look for suitable women’s collars for their robes. They found some, and Justice Ginsburg wore them ever after.

At about the same time, Justice O’Connor reminded me that our chief justice, William Rehnquist, had decided that he, too, needed something distinctive on his black robe. Inspired by Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Iolanthe ,” he decided to enliven it with a few gold stripes on the sleeves. Justice O’Connor found at a European bookstall a picture of Lorenzo de’ Medici wearing similar stripes. She suggested that we send it to him with a special message from her.

We would do things together outside class. Chief Justice Rehnquist, Justice Anthony Kennedy, Justice O’Connor and I would play bridge with friends and spouses (often changing partners). Today, I gather that justices who do not always agree on legal results nonetheless agree to go to hockey games or play golf together. (Why hockey in Washington, D.C., where baseball, football and basketball abound? Perhaps they just like hockey.)

As is fairly well known, Justice Ginsburg and Justice Antonin Scalia loved opera and became great friends. They even persuaded Justice Kennedy and me to take part in a Washington Opera performance of “Die Fledermaus,” provided, of course, that we simply sat onstage on a sofa and never opened our mouths. Justice Scalia had a good musical voice, however; he, law clerks and other justices would sometimes sing at the court, joined by Chief Justice Rehnquist, as well as by a friend of Justice Scalia who was a fine pianist and loved Cole Porter.

Justice Scalia and I would talk to students in high school or law school and other audiences about the court. It was obvious to those audiences that while we did not share basic views about how to interpret difficult statutory and constitutional phrases, we were friends.

Certain unwritten rules helped to smooth over differences and maintain good personal relations among court members. At conferences when we discussed cases privately, we proceeded in order of seniority, and no one would speak twice until everyone had spoken once. Thus, everyone could be fairly sure that he or she would have a chance to speak before minds were definitely made up. (This rule helped me, for I was the most junior justice for 11 years.)

Once all had spoken, we would discuss the case, back and forth. But one quickly learned that it did not help to say “I have a better argument than you.” Much better to listen to what others say and to find in their points of view material for working out an agreement or perhaps a compromise.

Chief Justice Rehnquist generally did not approve of jokes made during the business portion of the conference, though I admit I once told him while we were having coffee, after having recently nearly lost a majority on what we thought initially would be a unanimous opinion, “I have discovered how to get five people on a single opinion.” “How?” he asked. “Start with nine,” I replied.

In any event, agreement or disagreement, joke or no joke, in my 28 years on the court I did not hear a voice raised in anger in that conference, nor were snide or personal remarks ever made. The discussion was professional, disagreements reflected legal differences on the merits, and the justices tried to find ways to reach court agreements.

Justice O’Connor maintained that a highly important informal court rule was this: You and I may disagree strongly in respect to Case 1, but that fact has nothing to do with our positions in respect to (not legally related) Case 2, where we may be the strongest of allies. That is, no horse-trading.

After conference we would have lunch, often talking about sports or trading so-called jokes and other nonlegal matters. I remember once saying to Chief Justice Rehnquist that I thought it amazing that we were about to have a pleasant lunch when just 20 minutes before at conference we strongly disagreed about applicable law. His reply suggested that he thought only a short time earlier that half the court thought the other half had lost its mind.

What works for nine people with lifetime appointments won’t work for the entire nation, but listening to one another in search of a consensus might help.

Stephen Breyer is a retired associate justice of the United States Supreme Court.

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[pdf notes] short essay on a selfish friend.

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A selfish friend is an opportunist. He does not love us but our money and the comforts that money can buy for him. His friendship is a business proposition. His friendship is based on the hope of some gain from us. His eye is always on some personal gain. A selfish friend deserts us in our miseries.

Friendships of advantage are based on what each person can gain from the other. Pleasure friendships are about the enjoyment a person can derive from an intimate connection. Matheus Ferrero ...

Effective communication is key when setting boundaries with toxic friends. Clearly express your boundaries using "I" statements to emphasize how their behavior affects you personally. Be assertive, respectful, open to discussion, and firm in maintaining your boundaries. Clearly communicate the consequences if your boundaries are repeatedly ...

The ethical theory known as ethical egoism states that we are always morally required to do what's in our own self-interest. The view isn't that we are selfish—this is psychological egoism[1]—but that we ought to be. This essay explores ethical egoism and the main arguments for and against it. Narcissus. 1.

500 Words True Friendship Essay. Friendship is an essential part of everyone's lives. One cannot do without friends, we must have some friends to make life easier. However, lucky are those who get true friendship in life. It is not the same as friendship. True friendship is when the person stays by you through thick and thin.

The message from your critic is clear: You are paying too much attention to your own wants, needs, and well-being, and not enough attention to others. Selfish behavior is often described as ...

If you just want to end the friendship, you can do that without getting dramatic. A part of you might want to yell and tell the person how selfish they are, but instead, keep your composure and calmly tell them how you feel, even if you know this is the end of your association. This approach will have a much greater impact on a selfish person ...

Download Article. 1. Make a time to talk. The most important thing to do to change someone's behavior is to talk about it. Make plans to talk to your friend, and make sure the setting is private and quiet. Your friend may be upset with you when you say how you feel, so a public place may not be the best idea.

Check your own urge to people-please. Others' selfish behavior certainly isn't your fault, but Levin says you'll want to make sure you're not indulging it. And if you realize you're locked in give-give-give mode, ask yourself what you're getting from that dynamic. "Check yourself around 'giving to get'," Levin suggests.

1. Don't take it personally. Understand that selfish people behave in their own self-interest, regardless of how you behave. Their selfishness isn't your fault. Try not to take their behavior ...

Selfishness means acting in one's rational self-interest. Contrary to popular opinion, all healthy individuals are selfish. Choosing to pursue the career of your choice is selfish. Choosing to have children—or not to have children—is selfish. Insisting on freedom and individual rights, rather than living under a dictatorship, is selfish.

Never volunteer to help. Avoid responsibility as much as possible. Take credit for other people's work. Selfish people in friendship: Only come to you when they need a favor. Rarely check in with you. Are reluctant to share. Always talk about themselves and make themselves the center of each conversation.

Page 1 of 50 - About 500 essays. Decent Essays. Selfishness Essay. 648 Words; 3 Pages; Selfishness Essay. ... A selfish person also ends up losing friends or loved ones because no matter how charming or interesting a selfish person may be, a relationship with a selfish person is hard to maintain. A truly selfish person would never consider the ...

Essay on Friendship - For Students (Essay 4 - 400 Words) Friendship is the most valuable as well as precious gifts of life. Friendship is one of the most valued relationship. People who have good friends enjoy the most in their live. True friendship is based on loyalty & support.

Guest Essay. Stephen Breyer: The Supreme Court I Served On Was Made Up of Friends. April 3, 2024. ... Justice O'Connor and I would play bridge with friends and spouses (often changing partners ...

May 27, 2023 Essay: A selfish friend. By undefined. 4 notes ・ 2 views

Ultimately, this essay will argue that while survival may appear selfish on the surface, it is a fundamental aspect of human nature that is necessary for the preservation of our species. Through a comprehensive exploration of this topic, we hope to shed light on the complexities of human behavior and ethics in the context of survival.

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Essay About Selfish Friend. 4423 Orders prepared. Allene W. Leflore. #1 in Global Rating. Perfect Essay. #5 in Global Rating. Nursing Psychology Mathematics Healthcare +54.

A selfish friend is an opportunist. He does not love us but our money and the comforts that money can buy for him. His friendship is a business proposition. His friendship is based on the hope of some gain from us. His eye is always on some personal gain. A selfish friend deserts us in our miseries. A selfish friend is never sincere.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Survival — Is Survival Selfish Analysis

Is Survival Selfish Analysis

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Published: Mar 14, 2024

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Guest Essay

Who Cares if Supreme Court Justices Get Along?

By Linda Greenhouse

Ms. Greenhouse, the recipient of a 1998 Pulitzer Prize, reported on the Supreme Court for The Times from 1978 to 2008 and was a contributing Opinion writer from 2009 to 2021.

The Supreme Court is hurting.

I can say that with confidence — not based on any inside information but on the external evidence of how hard some of the justices are working to show that everyone on the court really does get along.

“When we disagree, our pens are sharp, but on a personal level, we never translate that into our relationship with one another,” Justice Sonia Sotomayor told an audience at the National Governors Association conference in February. “We don’t raise our voices, no matter how hot-button the case is,” Justice Amy Coney Barrett said at the civics forum at George Washington University in March.

The retired justice Stephen Breyer, on the talk circuit for his new book on constitutional interpretation, has been making the same point. In a guest essay in The Times this month, he observed that “justices who do not always agree on legal results nonetheless agree to go to hockey games or play golf together.” He added: “The members of the court can and do get along well personally. That matters.”

I’m reminded of the last time the court made a concerted effort to assure the public that all was well. It was during the weeks that followed the ruling that clinched the 2000 presidential election for George W. Bush. With the court in recess, justices who had voted on either side of that 5-to-4 decision, Bush v. Gore, scattered around the country and the world (Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg went to Australia), taking the occasion of previously scheduled lectures to claim that the court was not in crisis.

Justice Ginsburg and Justice Antonin Scalia, bitterly opposed in that case and in a good many others, let it be known that they had kept up their tradition of New Year’s Eve dinner together with their spouses. “The justices are behaving almost like survivors of a natural disaster who need to talk about what happened in order to regain their footing and move on,” I wrote at the time.

Now, by contrast, there is no single issue, no giant iceberg that the court has struck, but rather separate disconcerting developments that have noticeably dented the court’s once secure public standing.

Was it the Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization decision that erased the constitutional right to abortion and upended state politics in much of the country? The astonishing leak of a draft of the Dobbs decision, which Justice Clarence Thomas called “tremendously bad” and destabilizing for the court? The controversy over the court’s seeming inability to bind itself to a judicial ethics code? The abrupt emergence of a conservative supermajority flexing its muscles so forcefully that Justice Barrett, before reaching her first anniversary on the court, felt driven to declare publicly that “this court is not composed of a bunch of partisan hacks”?

It may be a bit of each of these or none of them, but the inventory itself suggests that what matters is what the court does or doesn’t do: that the legacy of the Roberts court will reside in the pages of United States Reports, the official compilation of Supreme Court decisions, and not in the justices’ datebooks. What counts is not how the justices treat one another but how they treat the claims of those who come before them.

I’m still shaking my head, for example, over a decision from several terms ago that stripped two laywomen, teachers in elementary parochial schools, of the protection of federal anti-discrimination laws because, the 7-to-2 majority held, they were effectively “ministers” who fell under a rule the court adopted eight years earlier called the ministerial exception to ordinary civil laws. The women had no substantial religious training. One did not have her contract renewed after she revealed that she needed time off for treatment of breast cancer. The Americans With Disabilities Act did her no good. By the time the court decided the case, she had died.

Few people remember that decision from only four years ago, Our Lady of Guadalupe School v. Morrissey-Berru, which cast thousands of lay employees of religious organizations out from a federal safety net intended for all. I mention it only to underscore the ongoing need to watch what the court does, not how the justices feel.

The Supreme Court and other appellate courts are categorized in the judicial literature as collegial courts. “Collegial” in that usage is a term of art. It doesn’t mean that the judges necessarily get along. It means that these multimember courts act as collectives, when a majority coalesces. In a forthcoming memoir, “Vision,” Judge David Tatel, who recently retired from the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit, offers as good a definition of judicial collegiality as I have seen. “Judicial collegiality,” he writes, “has nothing to do with singing holiday songs, having lunch or attending basketball games together. It has everything to do with respecting each other, listening to each other and sometimes even changing our minds.”

Years ago, Mark Alan Stamaty used a “Washingtoon,” his cartoon that ran regularly in The Washington Post, to depict the Supreme Court justices walking in single file, each carrying a bundle. “The Supreme Court Goes to the Laundromat” was the title. I thought it was so funny that I kept it for years tacked to the New York Times cubicle in the Supreme Court pressroom. It portrayed, to be sure, a collegial Supreme Court.

But it was a cartoon.

Linda Greenhouse, the recipient of a 1998 Pulitzer Prize, reported on the Supreme Court for The Times from 1978 to 2008 and was a contributing Opinion writer from 2009 to 2021.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

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[pdf notes] short essay on a selfish friend.

Friends are plenty when the purse is full. But most of our friends are fair-weather friends. They are time servers. There are very few strand by us through thick and thin. Prosperity gains friends but diversity tries them. Adversity is the touchstone of friendship.

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A friend in need is a friend indeed. True and selfless friends are rare in this selfish world. Friendship knows no rank, it makes no distinction between a king and a beggar. A friend is a friend, whether the world goes right or wrong.

A real friend is the balm of our life. He is selfless. He is prepared to sacrifice his all for us. He gives sane advice, criticizes our views and opinions in a constructive manner and directs our will and energy into proper channels.

A true friend is one who appreciates us, who knows our faults as well as virtues, who understands and sympathizes with our aims and objects and shares our ambitions and joys, hopes and disappointments.

On the other hand, a selfish friend is a self-seeker. He is not good and honest. He is not prepared to sacrifice his personal interest for us. With him his own self is first and other things are afterwards. The friendship of a selfish man is of a hollow type.

A selfish friend is an opportunist. He does not love us but our money and the comforts that money can buy for him. His friendship is a business proposition. His friendship is based on the hope of some gain from us. His eye is always on some personal gain.

A selfish friend deserts us in our miseries. A selfish friend is never sincere. He is a hypocrite. He is worse than an enemy. He betrays us at the most critical moment. His actions are never in keeping with his words. He says something else and does something quite the contrary. He is not trustworthy.

A selfish friend is like a good apple that is rotten from within. He is very pleasant spoken, his words are as sweet as honey, he flatters you, he coaxes you and he says ditto to what you say. But his deeds give the lie to his words.

All the time he is playing a double game and making a fool of us. His oily tongue and his hypocritical talk induce in us a false sense of security and we leak out all our secrets to him. He makes a capital out of them and brings untold misery upon us. He is a wolf in the guise of a lamb. We must beware of a selfish friend.

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WBZ-TV anchor leaves his dream job, and pens an essay about it

Liam martin explains his decision in a boston magazine essay.

Liam Martin just walked away from his dream job: TV anchor, at WBZ-TV. Not only did he walk away, Martin decided to publish why he did it, with a Boston magazine essay .

In that essay, Martin details his own emotional struggles, not to mention the physical challenge of waking up at 2:15 a.m. for the morning shift. He previously worked an evening shift, but that meant barely seeing his two young children. The move to the morning shift meant he was often too tired to be truly present for them.

So he left the news business completely, joining former NBCUniversal newscaster Jackie Bruno as a partner in her PR and communications business, Newsmaker Marketing, along with third partner Rachel Robbins, formerly with Greenough Communications. (Bruno penned a similarly themed essay for Boston magazine a year ago.)

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Martin decided to write it in part because men often don’t feel comfortable talking about mental health issues or the struggles of balancing family and work. The response, he said, has been overwhelming.

He still gets to tell stories, but in a different way. For example, he just spent a day in New Hampshire working on a documentary-style video about Cyclyx, a plastics recycling company.

Martin misses the rush of the newsroom. But he’s also glad to no longer be in it.

“I miss the people at WBZ-TV,” Martin said. “I do not miss having to be in the know all the time about everything.”

This is an installment of our weekly Bold Types column, which runs in print every Tuesday.

Jon Chesto can be reached at [email protected] . Follow him @jonchesto .

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90 Day 's Mike Youngquist Serves Natalie Official Divorce Papers amid His New Relationship

A tearful Natalie was supported by her friend, Josh, as Mike confirmed he's moved on for good

Kelly Wynne has been a TV writer at PEOPLE digital since 2021. Her work has been seen in Newsweek, where she acted as a reality TV and true-crime writer, Atwood Magazine and her mental health blog, The Chronically.

It’s official: Natalie Mordovtseva and Michael Youngquist are getting divorced. 

Mike served Natalie with divorce papers on Sunday’s finale of 90 Day: The Single Life through Debbie Johnson , who acted as the legal third party. The surprise caught a tearful Natalie off guard as she continued to evaluate what — and who — she wanted in her future. 

90 Day cast members slammed Mike for delivering the papers on TV, as well as for involving Debbie, who said she just wanted to support Natalie. “This has been coming for years,” Mike said. “It's not cruel on my part.” Of the backlash, he added, “We got married on national TV.”

Natalie was willing move on, offering to sign the papers on the spot. Her 90 Day costars talked her out of the rash decision, though, and encouraged her to seek legal counsel before signing anything. “I just ask [for] my snowboard and my stuff,” she said of what she wants from the divorce. 

It was far from Natalie’s only moment of tension on the episode. Fans know the Ukraine native broke up with Josh Weinstein during the season because he wasn’t offering a reciprocal level of commitment. During their time apart, Natalie approached Mike again intending to start a family. He reflected on the moment during the tell-all episode. 

“I was just shocked because we're absolutely not together,” he said. “Why am I going to donate my sperm knowing that I have a kid with her and we're not together? Like, that's not what I wanted. I've always just wanted a family.”

At the time, Mike said he wanted the option to pursue someone new — and he did. During the tell-all episode, Mike confirmed he’s in a new relationship. He began showing off his new romance on Instagram last June, though the woman's name has not yet been publicly identified.

“I absolutely love and adore her,” he said of his new relationship. “She just cares about me and wants to be with me for who I am, and I just feel really appreciated and loved by her.”

The episode kept Natalie in the spotlight and in her emotions. As the episode concluded, Josh stepped in to guide Natalie away from the pen. He proved to be more than just legal support, too, as Josh comforted Natalie backstage. 

“Don’t think about the negatives. This year is gonna be great for you,” he told Natalie during a long embrace. “We’re gonna make sure of that.” 

Natalie and Josh left the episode with an uncertain relationship status . He admitted they had some vast improvements in recent months and said he was open to starting a relationship with Natalie again. Only time will tell if the pair reconciles or splits for good — and if Josh is willing to give Natalie the family she dreams of. 

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. 

90 Day: The Single Life is over for now, but fans can keep up with the drama at 8 p.m. ET on Sunday nights, where 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After is currently airing.

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