managing emotions essay

How to Manage Your Emotions

The life lesson we should have been taught at school.

Posted August 14, 2017 | Reviewed by Matt Huston

We all suffer from emotional overreactions. In the heat of the moment we say something to a person we love without stopping to consider the shockwaves. Or we blast off an email and wonder why we didn’t sleep on it before pressing Send. Our emotions spill over and, by the time they recede, the damage is done.

In the public domain, barely a day passes without newspapers splashing the story that a comment, tweet or email has caused an uproar. Demands are made for heads to roll, and responses range from retractions ("I apologise unreservedly for my lack of judgement ...") to defiance ("This is a ridiculous case of political correctness…"). And then the next story breaks.

The converse situation is that we feel gripped by fear or anxiety and fail to seize the moment to speak up or act according to our values. The consequences of freezing can be just as deleterious as those of overreacting, and sometimes more so. Either way, managing our emotions is a tricky business.

When we look back on these situations our stock explanation is, "My emotions got the better of me." But this raises a serious question: Am I in charge of my emotions, or are they in charge of me? Nobody asked me this question at school, or told me the answer. Consequently I stumbled into the adult world with a royal flush of emotions – ranging from joy and excitement to fear and anger – without a manual for how to live with them.

The truth is that we’ve ended up with a tangled mess of advice in this area. Much of the prevailing literature tells us to squash negative emotions and replace them with positive ones. Other experts tell us this is tantamount to putting icing on dog food and calling it cake. So who, if anyone, is right?

To navigate through this emotional battleground, we need to make some important distinctions:

We cannot turn emotions on and off like a tap. They will come and go whether we like it or not. Once this is clear in your mind, you can stop waiting for unwanted emotions to go away. The idea that we can banish them is unhelpful and doesn’t hold up to scrutiny; they are part-and-parcel of the human experience. Besides, the more we strive to live according to our values and commitments, the more our emotions will rise up to challenge us.

Emotions aren’t positive or negative. The human brain is wired to categorize things as positive or negative, and is particularly alert to threats. This made good evolutionary sense for our ancestors, who learned to react to external threats for the purposes of survival. As humans developed language, we employed the same process of classification to our internal state, including our emotions. Thus we see joy as positive, and therefore welcome, and fear as negative and unwelcome.

However, this creates new problems. On the basis that ‘what we resist persists’, suppressing emotions that we perceive to be negative only tightens their grip. So what’s the alternative? If we can experience the full range of human emotions without attaching positive and negative labels to them, the result can be hugely liberating. Take Dame Judi Dench as an example, who has won one Oscar, two Golden Globes and 10 BAFTA awards. She says that the more she acts the more frightened she becomes. In contrast to thousands of aspiring performers who are waiting for the day when they’ll overcome their fear, she treats it as a companion rather than an enemy. This is not to say that she finds her fear comfortable, but she makes no attempt to resist it, and therefore it doesn’t define her. "I have the fear," she says. "I wouldn’t be without it." Perhaps this is why her on-screen characters brim with humanity.

You are not your emotions. Emotions are, by their very nature, strong. However, it’s important to get clear that you are not your emotions. You are a person with values and commitments who happens to have emotions that are triggered on a regular and ongoing basis. This point might seem semantic, but it isn’t. When we become fused to our emotions – thinking that ‘they’ and ‘we’ are one and the same thing – we are effectively hijacked by them. If you can notice emotions without becoming them, they no longer determine your behaviour.

We always have a choice. A thought or feeling in itself doesn’t prevent you from taking any action. It’s easy to think, "I’m frightened and can’t speak," but this is a trick of the mind. It would be more accurate and authentic to say, "I’m frightened and I’m choosing not to speak." Being able to observe our emotions – even when they feel overwhelmingly powerful – creates a space in which we can reference our commitments and values. While we cannot always choose our emotions, we can choose our response to them. This gets to the heart of responsibility, and responsibility is probably the closest thing to a superpower that human beings possess.

For more in-depth information, see my books Blamestorming: Why Conversations Go Wrong and How to Fix Them, and Workstorming: Why Conversations at Work Go Wrong and How to Fix Them.

Rob Kendall has spent 25 years studying the dynamics and practices of effective conversation.

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Essays About Emotions: Top 6 Examples and Prompts

We all experience a vast range of emotions; read on to see our top examples of essays about emotions, and thought-provoking writing prompts.

Human beings use their emotions as an internal compass. They guide us through tough challenges and help create memorable moments that build relationships and communities. They give us strength that’s incomparable to intellect. They are powerful enough to drive our survival, bring down invincible-seeming tyrants, and even shape the future.

If you want to express your emotions through writing, creating an essay is a perfect way to materialize your thoughts and feelings. Read on for the best essay examples and help with your next essay about emotions.

1. Managing Emotions by Charlotte Nelson

2. how to deal with your emotions effectively by jayaram v, 3. music affects mood by delores goodwin, 4. emotions, stress, and ways to cope with them by anonymous on ivypanda, 5. essay on emotions: definition, characteristics, and importance by reshma s, 6. the most powerful emotion in marketing may surprise you by oliver yonchev, 9 writing prompts on essays about emotions to write about, 1. what are positive and negative emotions, 2. how to control and manage emotions for emotional people, 3. why it can benefit you to hide your emotions, 4. the power of emotional connection between siblings, 5. emotions make music, and music drives emotions, 6. psychopathic individuals and their emotions, 7. emotions expressed in art, 8. dance: physical expression of emotion, 9. lessons to learn from highly emotional scenes on screen.

“Emotions. They not just leave an impact on the organizations but on the organizational structure as well, and it is vital for leaders in the organization to deal with it.”

Nelson’s essay focuses on how emotions can be harmful if not managed properly. She also differentiates moods from emotions and the proper and improper emotional management methods.

“They are essential for your survival and serve a definite purpose in your life by giving you advance warning signals and alerting you to different situations.”  

Our feelings are important, and this essay points out that negative emotions aren’t always a bad thing. The important thing is we learn how to cope with them appropriately.

“So we just listen and close our eyes, and it is our song for three minutes because the singers understand.”

Goodwin’s essay explores how we feel various moods or emotions from listening to different genres of music. For example, she writes about how rock masks pain and releases daily tensions, how classical music encourages babies’ development, etc.

“Emotions play a unique role in the experiences and health outcomes of all people. A proper understanding of how to cope with emotions and stress can empower more individuals to record positive health outcomes.”

This essay incorporates stress into the topic of emotions and how to manage it. It’s no surprise that people can feel stress as a strong emotion. The essay explores the various methods of managing the two things and promoting health.

“Emotions can be understood as some sort of feelings or affective experiences which are characterized by some physiological changes that generally lead them to perform some of the other types of behavioral acts.”

Reshma uses a scientific approach to define emotion, the types of emotions, and how it works. The essay provides the characteristics of emotions, like being feeling being the core of emotion. It also included the importance of emotions and theories around them.

“The emotional part of the brain processes information five times more quickly than the rational part, which is why tapping into people’s emotions is so powerful.”

Instead of discussing emotions only, Yonchev uses his essay to write about the emotions used in marketing tactics. He focuses on how brands use powerful emotions like happiness and fear in their marketing strategies. A great example is Coca-Cola’s iconic use of marketing happiness, giving the brand a positive emotional connection to consumers.

You’ve read various essays about emotions. Now, it’s your turn to write about them. Here are essay ideas and prompts to help you find a specific track to write about.

Work out the definition of positive and negative emotions. Use this essay to provide examples of both types of emotions. For example, joy is a positive emotion, while irritation is negative. Read about emotions to back up your writing.

Depending on the scenario, many people are very open with their emotions and are quite emotional. The workplace is an example of a place where it’s better to put your emotions aside. Write an essay if you want to explore the best ways to handle your emotions during stressful moments.

You need to know when to hide your emotions, like in a poker game. Even if you don’t play poker, controlling or hiding your emotions provides some advantages. Keeping emotional reactions to yourself can help you remain professional in certain situations. Emotional reactions can also overwhelm you and keep you from thinking of a solution on the fly.

Close-knit families have powerful emotional connections to one another. Siblings have an incredibly unique relationship. You can think back to your experiences with your siblings and discuss how your relationship has driven you to be more emotionally open or distant from them.

Create a narrative essay to share your best memory with your siblings.

There’s a reason so many songs revolve around the “love at first sight” idea. A powerful emotion is something like giddiness from meeting someone for the first time and feeling love-struck by their behavior. Grief, anger, and betrayal are emotions that drive artists to create emotionally charged songs.

Some people have a misbelief that psychopaths don’t have emotions. If you’re diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) , the true definition of a psychopath in psychiatry, this is a perfect essay prompt. You can also use this if you’re studying psychology or have a keen interest in psychopathic behaviors or people around you.

Like music, art also has a deep link to emotions. People who see art have subjective reactions to it. If you’ve been given a piece of art to react to, consider writing an essay to express how you perceive and understand the piece, whether it’s a 2D abstract painting or a 3D wire sculpture.

A widely appreciated branch of art is dance. Contemporary dance is a popular way of expressing emotion today, but other types of dance are also great options. Whether classical ballroom, group hip hop, or ballet, your choice will depend on the type of dance you enjoy watching or doing. If you’re more physical or prefer watching dance, you may enjoy writing about emotional expression through dance instead of writing about art.

Do you have a favorite scene from a film or TV show? Use this essay topic to discuss your favorite scene and explain why you loved the emotional reactions of its characters. You can also compare them to a more realistic reaction.

Write a descriptive essay to describe your favorite scene before discussing the emotions involved.  

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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Emotion Regulation

Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

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Saul Mcleod, PhD

Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul Mcleod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

On This Page:

Emotional regulation refers to the processes individuals use to manage and respond to their emotional experiences in appropriate and adaptive ways. It encompasses strategies to amplify, maintain, or decrease one’s emotional responses.

It involves a range of strategies, from cognitive reappraisal to mindfulness practices , that help individuals cope with difficult situations and have emotional control.

Effective emotion regulation has been linked to a range of positive outcomes, including improved well-being, better interpersonal relationships, and enhanced resilience in the face of stress and adversity.

Being able to regulate emotions is a skill, meaning that people often learn emotional regulation as they grow up. Some people may find it easier than others to regulate their emotions. 

Emotional regulation reflects a set of processes that influence:

• Which emotions someone has
• When they have these emotions
• How they experience and express these emotions

Emotional regulation is not to be confused with eliminating or controlling emotions but with moderating the experience of the emotions being experienced. This includes the ability to alter the intensity or duration of an emotion rather than changing it completely. 

Being able to moderate the intensity of the emotion can help to control behavior and emotional reactions. 

When an emotion is felt, for example, anger, this can be triggered when feeling threatened or powerless. 

Why is emotional regulation important?

Being able to regulate emotions is important since our emotions are closely connected to how we think and feel. Our thoughts and feelings help us to decide how best to respond to a situation and what action we should take. Essentially, emotional regulation can influence behavior. 

Learning skills to regulate our emotions means that, instead of acting impulsively and doing something that may be regretted later, we are able to make thought-out choices.

This can mean that we can learn to manage relationships with others, problem-solve, and have better control over our mental health.

If our emotions are shut down or avoided, we may struggle with powerlessness, negative thinking , ruminating, resentment, and increased frustration. This could result in the development of anxiety , depression , or physical complaints. 

Examples of common emotion regulation strategies

Below are some of the common healthy and unhealthy emotion regulation strategies that people use:

Healthy strategies

These can include the following:

• Practicing meditation or mindfulness
• Engaging in therapy
• Talking through emotions with friends
• Develop emotional intelligence skills
• Writing in a journal
• Noticing when a break is needed – having some space from others 
• Having good sleep hygiene 

Unhealthy strategies 

• Self-injurious behaviors
• Alcohol and substance abuse 
• Emotional eating
• Avoiding or withdrawing from difficult situations
• Excessive use of social media to the exclusion of other responsibilities 
• Withdrawing from others – social isolation 

What is emotion dysregulation?

Emotion dysregulation is the inability to use healthy strategies to diffuse or moderate negative emotions.

It is common for people to occasionally use less-than-ideal emotional regulation strategies. However, individuals who regularly experience overwhelming, intense, negative emotions are much more likely to rely on unhealthy strategies. 

Imagine a scenario where one of your friends does not turn up for a pre-arranged lunch with you. Instead of considering the many reasonable explanations for why this happened, this event can trigger feelings of hurt or abandonment for someone with emotional dysregulation.

They may feel intense anger or resentment, resulting in acting on these emotions, such as shouting at the friend, accusing them of being a bad friend, or withdrawing from the friendship. 

In a distressing situation, someone with inadequate emotion regulation skills experiences distress related to negative emotions and a lack of control over their emotions.

When acting on our dysregulated emotions, we can end up behaving in ways that overwhelm us further, meaning we can get stuck in a vicious emotional cycle. 

Dysregulation lies on a spectrum between underregulated and overregulated styles. Both make it hard to self-soothe and return to baseline emotional states.

Someone with dysregulated emotions may:

• Have reduced awareness and understanding of their emotions
• Have the inability to inhibit impulsive behaviors
• Have heightened, labile negative emotions
• Have a high sensitivity to emotions in a social context

Some of the common behaviors of someone with emotion dysregulation include:

• Dissociating 
• Violent outbursts
• Impulsive, reckless behavior
• Substance abuse
• Avoidance 
• Self-injurious behaviors 

What causes poor emotional regulation?

Having poor emotional regulation often comes from childhood. Below are some possible causes for why someone may struggle with regulating their emotions:

Temperament

A temperament is mainly determined by genetic inheritance and is usually stable across time and situations. It may be possible that some children develop poor emotional regulation due to their temperament. 

Differences in temperament can be observable very early in life. Some infants are calm and even-tempered, while others tend to have more intense and longer stress reactions which may contribute to poorer emotional regulation. 

Trauma is described as the experience of catastrophic affect an individual cannot process, understand, and/or integrate. The overwhelming intensity of feelings can automatically freeze or shut down consciousness.

Many people who experience trauma, especially as a child, are likely to have poor emotional regulation. Someone who experiences trauma may have inflexible strategies to help with emotions – often one way of reacting to negative emotions. 

The more trauma someone has experienced as a child, such as experiencing or witnessing abuse, the more likely they are to have severe emotional dysregulation. 

Attachment styles

Early attachment experiences shape emotion regulation abilities. Infants need caregivers to help modulate their affects through attuned bonding.

Without this, children fail to develop self-soothing capacities and instead rely on external regulation.

Insecure attachment styles involve suboptimal parental attunement. Caregivers may be inconsistent, unavailable, extreme, or invalidating.

Children internalize these dynamics, learning unhealthy regulation habits like suppression or dramatic emotionality. The encoded patterns persist into adulthood as emotion dysregulation.

Low emotional intelligence

Low emotional intelligence (EI) can lead to poor emotion regulation in several ways:

• Limited Recognition : Those with low EI may not accurately recognize their emotions, making it hard to address them appropriately.
• Misunderstanding Emotions : Without understanding the causes or triggers of emotions, it’s difficult to strategize how to handle them.
• Impulsive Reactions : Low EI can result in knee-jerk emotional reactions without thoughtful response or self-reflection.
• Difficulty in Expression : People with low EI might struggle to express their emotions constructively, leading to miscommunication or conflict.
• Reduced Empathy : A lack of EI can mean reduced empathy for others, making interpersonal conflict more likely and harder to resolve.
• Ineffective Coping Strategies : Without the insight provided by higher EI, individuals might resort to maladaptive strategies like avoidance, substance abuse, or aggression.

Related disorders

Poor emotion regulation in childhood may increase the likelihood of developing other mental health disorders .

Likewise, having a neurodevelopmental condition may come with symptoms associated with poorer emotional regulation.

The following conditions can involve some difficulties with emotional regulation:

Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

People with this disorder often have emotional sensitivity, heightened and changeable negative moods, a deficit of appropriate regulation strategies, and a surplus of maladaptive regulation strategies.

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD)

This condition is often diagnosed in adults or children who have repeatedly experienced trauma such as violence, neglect, or abuse . In CPTSD, emotion regulation involves difficulty self-calming when distressed and chronic emotional numbing. 

Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD)

This childhood condition can involve experiencing extreme moods and intense temper outbursts. There is often a lot of anger with this condition, irritability, and strong behaviors in response to negative emotions. 

Autism spectrum disorders (ASD)

Poor emotional regulation is a common symptom of autism. Individuals often have greater or more intense baseline levels of negative emotions or irritability, have poorer problem-solving skills, can become easily overstimulated, and may find it harder to detect other people’s emotions. 

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

Poor emotional regulation is a key symptom of ADHD . Individuals with this disorder may have strong reactions to small setbacks, feel their emotions more intensely than others, have difficulty calming down, and have a low tolerance for frustration or annoyance. 

The cycle of distress

Wanting to minimize or avoid strong and negative emotions is part of what is often called a ‘cycle of shame.’ This pattern often looks like the Experimental Avoidance Model by Chapman, Gratz, & Brown (2006). 

This model explains that self-harm is primarily maintained by negative reinforcement in the form of escape or avoidance of unwanted emotional experiences.

This effectively levels out the rollercoaster of emotions until the next time. This can be applied to any unhelpful coping strategy that people use instead of regulating their emotions. 

When people use these unhelpful strategies, they do not feel good about using them despite their short-term effectiveness. These tend to add to a larger sense of shame or failure that sets the stage for the whole process to begin again. This is how it can become a vicious cycle. 

Breaking the distress cycle

Changing any part of the cycle can interfere with the pattern and lead to more positive thoughts and feelings. 

Techniques such as those employed in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you learn how to understand and work with the relationship between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. 

Learn to pay attention to the way the thought-emotion-behavior relationship works for you, then ask yourself some questions:

• What particular ideas or thought patterns are causing a reaction in your mind?
• Which emotions do you find most difficult to endure or handle?
• What methods or actions do you take to ease your anxiety?
• To what extent do these techniques provide relief in both immediate and long-term situations?
• Are there any fundamental convictions you hold about yourself, others, or the world that have a bearing on the negative spiral?
• Alternatively, what are the thoughts and convictions that contribute the most to generating positive emotions for you?

It is important to note that there can be a variety of strategies that are used to deal with emotions, even overwhelming ones.

What happens most often is that these strategies are not applied flexibly, and someone may use the same unhelpful strategy in every negative situation.

Putting effort into questioning what thoughts you have and what coping strategies you gravitate towards is an essential step toward ending the distress cycle. 

Skills for regulating emotions

Learning emotion regulation skills will help us learn to effectively manage and change the way we feel and cope with situations.

1. Name the emotion

Attempting to avoid unpleasant thoughts and feelings can actually result in more unwanted negative thoughts and feelings.

Rather than avoiding unpleasant emotions, acknowledge their presence and name them specifically. It can be helpful to say out loud or think to yourself, ‘I am feeling sad/angry/afraid.

If you are uncertain about what emotion you are feeling, you can use a ‘Feelings Wheel,’ which displays many of the primary and secondary emotions one may feel. 

Naming the emotion often leads to the emotion losing its power. It can allow us to let go of some of the pain and discomfort that accompany the unpleasant emotion.

2. Recognize and understand the emotion

It makes sense to believe that people who are unclear about their emotions are also less aware and less clear about their psychological needs. 

A way in which you can become more aware of what you are feeling is to pay attention to what you are experiencing physiologically in your body.

For instance, you may have an unsettled feeling in your stomach when feeling anxious, or you may feel a tightness in your chest if you are feeling sad. 

3. Validate the emotion

It is key to recognize that your emotions are present for a valid reason and that they are telling you something. 

Practice self-compassion and give yourself support for the unpleasant emotions you are experiencing. Understand that feeling strong negative emotions are a normal part of life. 

Try to breathe into the experience of your emotions. You can soothe hurt feelings by placing a hand over your body where you feel this experience, then breathe slowly into this area. 

Inquire within as to whether there may be something you can do to address this feeling without any expectation that something needs to be done. 

4. Identify and resolve emotional triggers

Often, we may have an interpretation of a situation that can trigger a strong emotional reaction. To help with regulating our emotions, it is key to learn to recognize emotional triggers.

By identifying triggers, you can address the underlying issue and change your emotional response.

Remember that you always have a choice on how to respond and what to do with the information you have. 

5. Use chair work dialogues

Another technique that can aid emotion regulation is chair work dialogues (Greenberg, 2021). This involves imagining a conversation between different parts of yourself.

For example, you can externalize an internal critical voice by giving it a chair. Notice when this part attacks vulnerable emotions, making you feel flawed. Dialogue with the critic, expressing the pain it causes. Work to uncover the unmet needs or shame driving its harshness.

Chair work also allows compassionately soothing distressed parts of yourself. Comfort a scared inner child and provide the safety it lacked. Or encourage an angry part to express its frustration adaptively.

By making inner dynamics explicit through role play, you gain awareness of what triggers painful states. The parts can then integrate, resolving inner conflicts that dysregulate emotions.

6. Use imagery to transform emotions

Imagery is another effective strategy for modulating emotions (Greenberg, 2021). Visualization accesses right-brain processes, evoking feelings rapidly.

Imagine revisiting a scene where you felt overwhelmed, like childhood mistreatment or rejection. See yourself as a vulnerable child in this situation. What emotions arise? Fear, loneliness, shame? Stay with these painful feelings briefly.

Now visualize your current self entering the scene, ready to intervene. Offer the child protection and meet their unmet needs. Provide the safety and comfort they lacked. Dialogue with the child to understand their distress.

This imaginal process transforms difficult memories by accessing core hurts then symbolically resolving them. New empathy and care emerge, encoded as healthy emotional responses. Old triggers lose their power.

With practice, vividly revisiting scenes activates self-compassion automatically. Past wounds heal, and present emotions become more regulated.

References 

Aldao, A., Nolen-Hoeksema, S., & Schweizer, S. (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review.  Clinical psychology review ,  30 (2), 217-237.

Chapman, A. L., Gratz, K. L., & Brown, M. Z. (2006). Solving the puzzle of deliberate self-harm: The experiential avoidance model.  Behaviour research and therapy ,  44 (3), 371-394.

Dunn, E. C., Nishimi, K., Gomez, S. H., Powers, A., & Bradley, B. (2018). Developmental timing of trauma exposure and emotion dysregulation in adulthood: Are there sensitive periods when trauma is most harmful?.  Journal of affective disorders ,  227 , 869-877.

Greenberg, L. S. (2021). Emotion regulation. In L. S. Greenberg,  Changing emotion with emotion: A practitioner’s guide  (pp. 279–307). American Psychological Association.  https://doi.org/10.1037/0000248-012

Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects.  Psychological inquiry ,  26 (1), 1-26.

McRae, K., & Gross, J. J. (2020). Emotion regulation.  Emotion ,  20 (1), 1.

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Emotions don't have to spiral out of control—here's how to reel it in, according to experts.

Emotions are a fundamental part of our lives, for better and for worse. We tend not to have a problem with more "positive" emotions like relief, joy, and hope, but when it comes to the more "negative" ones, like grief, insecurity, and anger, we're quick to push them away.

But pushing those emotions away never got anyone very far—and usually just end up exploding out sometime in the future. Here's how to avoid that from happening by learning to control your emotions when they arise, according to experts.

Learn how to identify emotions

Before we even get into how to control emotions, we first have to learn to identify them in the first place—which can be tricky. Especially if we're used to immediately checking out when emotions get heightened, it can be difficult to understand what you're actually feeling and what's happening in your body.

As psychologist and licensed counselor  Elizabeth Fedrick, Ph.D., LPC notes, "Emotions are specifically defined by the combination of these three elements: a unique internal experience, which often leads to a physiological response, and then ultimately a behavioral reaction."

Try using the emotion wheel to identify what you're specifically experiencing. From there, as therapist  Genesis Espinoza, LMFT,  recommends, "Notice what you are feeling. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Notice the physical sensations in your body (i.e., pressure on chest, stomachache, headache), then identify whether you are experiencing a primary or secondary emotion."

For example, you feel angry, which would be the primary emotion, but when you dig deeper, you realize you're actually feeling hurt, which would be secondary. (Check out our guide to the emotion wheel for more info.)

Understand how your emotions impact you (& others)

Once you've learned to identify your emotions, you can start looking at how particular emotional states impact you—and subsequently impact others based on your reactions to those emotions.

"Both positive and negative emotions can cause the body to react in different ways, like restlessness, jitteriness, headaches, muscle tension, and stomachaches," explains licensed mental health counselor, GinaMarie Guarino, LMHC .

For example, adds Fedrick, if the amygdala processes an event as exciting or enjoyable, there will be a release of dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, etc., that will influence how the body reacts to this event. "If the amygdala senses something as scary, shameful, irritating, worrisome, etc., there will be a release of epinephrine, norepinephrine, adrenaline, cortisol, which are all responsible for our  fight-or-flight response  that is designed to keep us safe."

The more you get into the habit of identifying your emotions and staying present with what they evoke in you, the easier it will be to notice when emotions are spiraling out of control—and further, reel them in so they don't explode onto someone else.

Notice your triggers

We all have triggers , which are essentially particular things that rub you the wrong way or upset you more than they might another person, due to your unique lived experience.

"When we were growing up," explains relationship expert Margaret Paul, Ph.D. , "we inevitably experienced pain or suffering that we could not acknowledge and/or deal with sufficiently at the time. So as adults, we typically become triggered by experiences that are reminiscent of these old painful feelings."

And from those triggers, Paul notes, arises a habitual or addictive way of trying to manage those feelings. Often, unfortunately, our ways of managing emotions aren't always healthy, such as strong emotional reactions, addictions, suppression , or any other number of defense mechanisms .

"I encourage you to be very honest with yourself about your triggers and how you react to them. Even if this approach feels harsh initially, it will help you learn to be more compassionate with yourself. Thinking honesty about your triggers is the only way to eventually heal them," Paul explains.

Get comfortable with not being OK

One of the greatest challenges of controlling your emotions is releasing some of that need for control in the first place. Because the truth is, it's OK to not be OK, and the very challenge you're running up against could be a denial (or at least a discomfort) with the difficult emotions you're feeling.

And according to therapist and relationship expert Megan Bruneau, M.A. , that's when radical acceptance comes in. As she previously wrote for mindbodygreen, you don't have to like or support what you're accepting, "But by struggling against the pain—by resisting and rejecting it—we create undue suffering."

Brunea explains that with radical acceptance, you consciously choose to allow those feelings to be there when you can't change them in that moment. "Give yourself permission to be as you are, feel what you feel, or have experienced what you've experienced without creating unproductive shame or anxiety. The pain might still be there, but some of the suffering will be alleviated," she says.

Pause & breathe

As you get into the habit of identifying emotions and triggers when they happen, you'll be much better equipped to pause and take a breath before lashing out, spiraling, catastrophizing, etc.

Or, as clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D. puts it, when you non-judgmentally attend to the feelings that often trigger an urge for control , "you won't be at the mercy of your emotional world." For example, she says, "If you feel the urge to over-control a trip with friends, notice if you are  motivated by anxiety  that things might go awry or perhaps a fear of not pleasing everyone."

Understand the root of where your emotion is coming from, and before you do anything else, pause to breathe.

Box breathing is a great, simple breathwork exercise you can do anytime to help bring your emotions back to baseline, and involves simply inhaling for four counts, holding you inhale four counts, exhaling for four counts, and holding at the bottom of your exhale for four counts. You can repeat this sequence until you start to feel calmer.

Respond—don't react

Speaking of pausing and breathing, that's a good segue into our next point: Responding instead of reacting.

As psychotherapist and trauma coach  Dylesia Hampton Barner, LCSW explains, each and every emotion we experience will be associated with an urge to act or express yourself, referred to as "action tendency." This action tendency is what motivates you into movement in order to attend to the emotion by exerting some level of bodily feedback in the situation.

And of course, this could look like yelling, crying, or any number of other outbursts—if you don't pause first. Sometimes all we need is one moment to check ourselves before engaging in a knee-jerk reaction, and then we can respond more appropriately. This is a practice that takes time and mindfulness, so be patient with yourself.

Keep a journal

Journaling is a great way to get your thoughts and emotions out on paper, while also offering you a good way to track your emotional state over time, and even be more mindful.

As artist and author of the  Create Your Own Calm  guided journal,  Meera Lee Patel , previously told mindbodygreen, "The purpose of journaling is to awaken conscious thinking, which is simply having an honest conversation with yourself."

And for what it's worth, numerous studies show that journaling can help with everything from boosting your own emotional awareness, to increasing your mental well-being. As  one 2018 study 1  notes, in a web-based journaling protocol, participants showed less  depressive symptoms  and anxiety after one month of journaling along with greater resilience after the first and second month, relative to usual care.

Find ways to de-stress

No matter how mindful you are, if you're under a lot of stress, it's going to be a lot harder to reel in your emotions. As such, finding ways to de-stress (and subsequently get your cortisol levels down), will help you be less emotionally reactive on a baseline level.

When you exercise, for instance, your heart rate increases and your body pumps more oxygen to your brain. This process can affect your overall positivity, with  multiple studies 2 showing that a  well-oxygenated brain helps manage anxiety and depression 3 . Other studies have found that  exercise may help alleviate depression and anxiety overall 4 .

And if you're not feeling like working out, other mindful, stress-busting activities like meditation, taking a walk in nature, or spending time with people who make you feel good can all help you release stress.

Work with a professional

Last but never least, if you feel like emotions and your lack of control over them are taking a toll on your wellbeing, it's worth seeking the help of a mental health professional. A therapist, psychologist, or even a trusted mentor or guide can all help you learn healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with big emotions, as well as help you understand the root of where your emotions are coming from.

How can I control my emotional feelings?

To control your emotions, learn to identify the emotion you're feeling, any triggers you have, and where the emotion is coming from. Practice pausing before reacting, find ways to de-stress, and get professional help if you need it.

Why can't I control my emotions?

All of us are susceptible to big emotions, though if you're finding it particularly difficult to control yours over a long period of time, it could be indicative of a mood disorder, PTSD, or other mental health issue.

The takeaway

There's no escaping emotions, and the only way out is through. Repressing your emotions will only get you so far—and they'll likely just resurface down the road. As such, learning to control your emotions when they happen can help you not only shake it off faster , but ensure your reactions don't negatively impact your relationships.

• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6305886/
• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5934999/
• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK253746/
• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21495519

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5 Reasons Emotions Are Important

You've got to feel your feelings

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

Emotions can play an important role in how you think and behave. The emotions you feel each day can compel you to take action and influence the decisions you make about your life, both large and small.

Emotions can be short-lived, such as a flash of annoyance at a co-worker , or long-lasting, such as enduring sadness over the loss of a relationship. But why exactly do we experience emotions? What role do they serve?

What Human Emotion Are You? Take the Quiz

Emotions are a critical component of our daily lives and can often define the human experience. Take this free quiz to help you determine which emotion drives the way you experience the world and express your feelings.

This emotion quiz was medically reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS.

Where Do Emotions Come From?

Emotions are influenced by a network of interconnected structures in the brain that make up what is known as the limbic system. Key structures including the hypothalamus, the hippocampus , the amygdala, and the limbic cortex play a pivotal role in emotions and behavioral responses.

The Three Components of Emotion

In order to truly understand emotions, it is important to understand the three critical components of an emotion. Each element can play a role in the function and purpose of your emotional responses.

• Subjective component : How you experience the emotion
• Physiological component : How your body reacts to the emotion
• Expressive component : How you behave in response to the emotion

Emotions Can Motivate You to Act

When faced with a nerve-wracking exam, you might feel a lot of anxiety about whether you will perform well and how the test will impact your final grade. Because of these emotional responses , you might be more likely to study.

Since you experienced a particular emotion, you had the motivation to take action and do something positive to improve your chances of getting a good grade.

You also tend to take certain actions in order to experience positive emotions and minimize the probability of feeling negative emotions. For example, you might seek out social activities or hobbies that provide you with a sense of happiness , contentment, and excitement. On the other hand, you would probably avoid situations that might potentially lead to boredom, sadness , or anxiety .

Emotions increase the likelihood that you will take an action. When you are angry , you are likely to confront the source of your irritation. When you experience fear, you are more likely to flee the threat. When you feel love, you might seek out a partner.

Emotions Help You Avoid Danger

Naturalist Charles Darwin was one of the earliest researchers to scientifically study emotions. He believed that emotions are adaptations that allow both humans and animals to survive and reproduce.

He suggested that emotional displays could also play an important role in safety and survival. If you encountered a hissing or spitting animal, it would clearly indicate that the creature was angry and defensive, leading to you back off and avoid possible danger.

Emotions can also prepare the body to take action. The amygdala, in particular, is responsible for triggering emotional responses that prepare your body to cope with things like fear and anger.

Sometimes this fear can trigger the body's fight-or-flight response , which leads to a number of physiological responses that prepare the body to either stay and face the danger or flee to safety.

Emotions serve an adaptive role by prompting you to act quickly and take actions that will maximize your chances of survival and success.

Emotions Can Help You Make Decisions

Your emotions have a major influence on the decisions you make, from what you decide to have for breakfast to which candidates you choose to vote for in political elections.

Researchers have also found that people with certain types of brain damage affecting their ability to experience emotions also have a decreased ability to make good decisions.

Even in situations where you believe your decisions are guided purely by logic and rationality, emotions play a key role. Emotional intelligence , or your ability to understand and manage emotions, has been shown to play an important role in decision-making.

Research has found that experiencing fear increases perceptions of risk, feeling disgusted makes people more likely to discard their belongings, and feeling joy or anger causes people to leap into action.

Emotions Help Others Understand You Better

When you interact with other people, it is important to give clues to help them understand how you are feeling. These cues might involve emotional expression through body language , such as various facial expressions connected with the particular emotions you are experiencing.

In other cases, it might involve directly stating how you feel. When you tell friends or family members that you are feeling happy, sad, excited, or frightened, you are giving them important information that they can then use to take action.

Research suggests that people experience positive emotions 2.5 times more frequently than they do negative emotions.

Emotions Allow You to Understand Others

Just as your own emotions provide valuable information to others, the emotional expressions of those around you also give a wealth of social information. Social communication is an important part of your daily life and relationships, and being able to interpret and react to the emotions of others is essential.

It allows you to respond appropriately and build deeper, more meaningful relationships with your friends, family, and loved ones. It also allows you to communicate effectively in a variety of social situations, from dealing with an irate customer to managing a hot-headed employee.

Understanding the emotional displays of others gives us clear information about how we might need to respond in a particular situation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Which part of the brain processes emotions.

The emotional processing network is the group of brain regions and structures responsible for processing emotions. Parts of the brain involved in this process include the amygdala, the hippocampus, the prefrontal cortex, and the cingulate cortex.

Why are emotions an important part of decision-making?

Emotions can help a decision-maker determine which aspects of a decision are the most relevant to their specific situation. They may also help people make faster decisions.

What is the appraisal theory of emotion?

This theory suggests that emotions step from the cognitive evaluations that people make about specific events. In other words, it implies that people must think about a situation before having an emotional response.

A Word From Verywell

As you have learned, our emotions serve a wide variety of purposes. Emotions can be fleeting, persistent, powerful, complex, and even life-changing. They can motivate us to act in particular ways and give us the tools and resources we need to interact meaningfully in our social worlds.

Kozlowska K, Walker P, McLean L, Carrive P. Fear and the defense cascade: clinical implications and management .  Harv Rev Psychiatry . 2015;23(4):263-287. doi:10.1097/HRP.0000000000000065

Shaver TK, Ozga JE, Zhu B, Anderson KG, Martens KM, Vonder Haar C. Long-term deficits in risky decision-making after traumatic brain injury on a rat analog of the Iowa gambling task . Brain Research . 2019;1704:103-113. doi:10.1016/j.brainres.2018.10.004

Lerner JS, Li Y, Valdesolo P, Kassam KS. Emotion and decision making . Annu Rev Psychol . 2015;66:799-823. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115043

Hwang H, Matsumoto D. Functions of emotions . In: Biswas-Diener R, Diener E, eds. Noba Textbook Series: Psychology.  DEF Publishers; 2021.

Raschle NM, Tshomba E, Menks WM, Fehlbaum LV, Stadler C. Emotions and the brain – or how to master “the force. ”  Front Young Minds . 2016;4. doi:10.3389/frym.2016.00016

Damasio AR. Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain. Putnam; 1994.

Darwin C. The Expression of Emotions in Man and Animals (3rd edition). Appleton; 1872.

Goleman D. Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books; 1995.

Salmond CH, Menon DK, Chatfield DA, Pickard JD, Sahakian BJ.  Deficits in decision-making in head injury survivors . J Neurotrauma . 2005;22(6):613-622. doi:10.1089/neu.2005.22.613

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Emotions, Stress and Ways to Cope with Them Essay

Introduction, stress and health.

Human emotions, feelings of anger, and health are interconnected. This means that people should be able to manage stress if they want to live longer and achieve their potential. This paper begins by analyzing the major issues or aspects associated with human emotions. People who are aware of their poignant experiences will manage them effectively using evidence-based measures. The discussion goes further to examine the connection between stress and health. The final section examines various practices and ideas that individuals can consider to cope with anger and eventually record positive health results.

Human beings experience different forms of emotions depending on the situations they are in. Such feelings are usually capable of affecting every person’s performance or achievement. Stress also affects people negatively, thereby making it impossible for them to achieve their goals. Managing it can result in positive health outcomes. This paper focuses on the issues of stress, health, and emotions. Meaningful insights are presented that can empower more people to lead high-quality and healthy lives.

Cognition and Emotion

Arousal and expressive behaviors in emotion interact uniquely. According to James-Lange theory, arousal will arise before an emotion (Myers, 2011). This will trigger expressive behaviors that are associated with physiological responses. For human beings to experience emotions, they must interpret the existing situation consciously and label them (Myers, 2011). This means that individuals will be physically aroused.

Embodied Emotion

The link between emotional arousal and the autonomous nervous system is what scientists call embodied emotion. This means that any form of arousal will automatically result in a psychological response. This is something associated with or caused by the body’s autonomous nervous system (Toussaint, Shields, Dorn, & Slavish, 2016). Arousal will affect an individual’s performance negatively. For example, a person who is about to give a public speech will be unable to deliver once he or she is aroused emotionally.

All emotions do not trigger similar physiological and brain-pattern responses. A study by Toussaint et al. (2016) revealed that the cortical areas of the brain were responsible for diverse emotional and physiological responses. This means that strong emotions will trigger complex brain patterns and physiological responses due to the nature of hormones the body releases. Polygraphs have been in use to measure physiological responses of emotion. However, they are not very reliable when detecting lies. This is the reason why guilty questions are used as alternatives.

Expressed Emotion

Human beings communicate nonverbally through several voluntary or involuntary ways, including dressing, construction, writing, paralanguage, and gestures. This approach ensures that people share adequate information and ideas. Women and men differ in this aspect. This is true since females are talented as natural communicators (Toussaint et al., 2016). This happens to be the case since they are empowered to engage others on a wide range of levels.

Nonverbal expressions of emotions are universally understood. This is the case since all human beings portray similar expressions for joy, fear, happiness, anger, or sadness. Similarly, musical expressions are usually uniform across all cultural groups (Myers, 2011). Latest studies have revealed that people’s facial expressions will influence their feelings accordingly. An individual trying to force an expression of happiness will eventually feel such an emotion. This means that facial expressions will influence the intended mood.

Experienced Emotion

The basic emotions include surprise, joy, disgust, fear, shame, guilt, anger, sadness, contempt, and interest-excitement. These can be differentiated using these two dimensions: valence (either positive or negative) and arousal (whether low or high). The major causes of anger include insulting actions and frustrating experiences that humans might interpret as unjustified, willful, or unavoidable. Its consequences include feelings of pain, vengeance, and suicide (Finlay-Jones, Rees, & Kane, 2015). Happiness, on the other hand, arises from promising or helpful situations or events. Personal achievements and positive feelings will result in increased happiness. This feeling can trigger good health outcomes. Happiness has also been associated with risky behaviors, such as binge drinking.

Several events will provoke stress responses in human beings. For instance, the loss of a beloved person, injury, or divorce will result in painful emotions. Negative events or experiences can generate feelings of anguish or anger. Human beings respond and adapt differently to stress. Some might cry and engage in various activities to overcome pain. Others will embrace the concept of resilience to respond to the experienced situation in a positive manner (Finlay-Jones et al., 2015). In extreme cases, some individuals might decide to seek psychological support or commit suicide.

Feelings of anger and stress are associated with poor health outcomes. When an individual is affected by stress, chances are high that he or she will embrace inappropriate or risky health behaviors. For example, some people might eat large quantities of food while others will not. Such individuals will record negative health outcomes and be at risk of anorexia or obesity (Myers, 2011). Depression, mental illnesses, dementia, and migraine are also serious medical conditions triggered by prolonged stress. Affected individuals might decide to engage in risky behaviors that will expose them to various illnesses, including HIV/AIDs and addiction.

Some people will be more prone to coronary heart disease than others. Individuals from families with a history of this condition will be at a higher risk of becoming sick. Those who are facing stressful experiences or situations will also be exposed to coronary heart disease (Finlay-Jones et al., 2015). A proper understanding of these differences will empower more people to protect themselves from different medical conditions.

Promoting Health

The ability to cope with stress is a powerful attribute that can result in positive health outcomes. Many people facing this challenge will consider different strategies to record meaningful results. These may include engaging in self-care, talking to friends and counselors, avoiding alcohol and other addictive drugs, seeking therapy, and getting rid of the main trigger. Some people might focus on the most appropriate approaches to become more resilient (Finlay-Jones et al., 2015). A perceived lack of control will eventually affect a person’s health outcomes negatively. This is true since the affected individual will engage in drinking or continue to use addictive substances. Such a person might also decide to embrace a risky lifestyle. Such misbehaviors will eventually result in controllable illnesses or suicidal thoughts.

Individuals who have a positive or optimistic outlook on life record positive health results because they respond to challenging experiences effectively. They will recover within a short time whenever they are sick. They will also portray increased levels of optimism and life expectancy. Social support is related to positive health since it empowers people to deal with stress (Myers, 2011). The body’s immunity will increase significantly and eventually improve the individual’s health outcomes. People should, therefore, consider these linkages to lead long and healthy lives.

Aerobic exercises are useful because they can help people manage stress and improve their well-being. This is an oxygen-consuming activity that improves the functioning of the lungs and the heart. It also results in muscle relaxation and better sleep (Toussaint et al., 2016). It relieves depression and increases a person’s cognitive abilities.

Meditation and relaxation are evidence-based practices that reduce stress by minimizing blood pressure and relaxing different muscles. Such techniques also result in improved body functioning, thereby reducing depression and anxiety. The faith factor reveals that religiously active individuals will have better and longer lives (Myers, 2011). This achievement arises from the social support, positive emotions, and healthy behaviors associated with it. People can consider these explanations or connections to achieve similar benefits.

Complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) entails the use of alternative practices to promote health outcomes. Although they are not common in medical schools and hospitals, they have been found to deliver positive results (Finlay-Jones et al., 2015). Scientific researchers consider such methods to understand their positive impacts through the use of randomized or control experiments. The findings encourage different people to use CAM techniques to meet their health demands.

The above discussion has indicated that emotions play a unique role in the experiences and health outcomes of all people. A proper understanding of how to cope with emotions and stress can empower more individuals to record positive health outcomes. Meditation, aerobic exercises, complementary and alternative medicine, and religious beliefs are powerful attributes that can result in improved health outcomes.

Finlay-Jones, A. L., Rees, C. S., & Kane, R. T. (2015). Self-compassion, emotion regulation and stress among Australian psychologists: Testing an emotion regulation model of self-compassion using structural equation modeling. PLoS ONE, 10 (7), e0133481. Web.

Myers, D. G. (2011). Psychology (10th ed.). New York, NY: Worth Publishers.

Toussaint, L., Shields, G. S., Dorn, G., & Slavish, G. M. (2016). Effects of lifetime stress exposure on mental and physical health in young adulthood: How stress degrades and forgiveness protects health. Journal of Health Psychology, 21 (6), 1004-1014. Web.

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1. IvyPanda . "Emotions, Stress and Ways to Cope with Them." February 19, 2024. https://ivypanda.com/essays/emotions-stress-and-ways-to-cope-with-them/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Emotions, Stress and Ways to Cope with Them." February 19, 2024. https://ivypanda.com/essays/emotions-stress-and-ways-to-cope-with-them/.

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Our page on Emotional Intelligence explains why it is important to understand your emotions and those of others.

This page helps you to recognise and understand your own emotions, and explains why they are sometimes so strong. It offers some practical ideas about how you can manage your own emotions so that you can use and harness them, but are not governed entirely by them.

What are Emotions?

Emotions are feelings. To start to understand your emotions, you need to ask yourself two questions:

• How do I feel?
• How do I know?

But others also have emotions. At the same time as being aware of your own feelings, you also need to be aware of those of others.

You also need to ask:

• How do others feel, and how do I know?

There are several ways that we can tell how others are feeling, but particularly by observing what they say, and how they behave, including their body language . Research suggests that more than 80% of communication is non-verbal, meaning that it comes from body language and facial expression. Many of us don’t like to talk about our emotions, especially not if they really matter to us, so they tend to be expressed even more in our body language. See our page on Non-Verbal Communication for more.

Emotions and the Brain

Emotions are not consciously controlled. The part of the brain that deals with emotions is the limbic system. It’s thought that this part of the brain evolved fairly early on in human history, making it quite primitive. This explains why an emotional response is often quite straightforward, but very powerful: you want to cry, or run away, or shout.

It’s because these responses are based around the need to survive.

Emotions are strongly linked to memory and experience. If something bad has previously happened to you, your emotional response to the same stimulus is likely to be strong.

Babies feel emotion, but can’t necessarily reason. Emotions are also closely linked to values: an emotional response could tell you that one of your key values has been challenged. See our page on Dilts’ Logical Levels for more about this.

Understanding this link to memory and values gives you the key to managing your emotional response. Your emotional responses don’t necessarily have much to do with the current situation, or to reason, but you can overcome them with reason and by being aware of your reactions.

Take some time to notice your emotional responses and consider what might be behind them, whether values, memories or experiences.

Also consider what results in positive emotions and what is more negative.

Remember, you can change how you feel.

For more about this, see our page on Neuro-Linguistic Programming .

Learning to Manage Emotions

Much has been said and written about how to manage and control emotions.

You can choose how you feel. - Anon

You can’t control other people, but you can control how you react to them. - Anon.

Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy. - Aristotle

The grid below shows the balance between high and low, and negative and positive energy:

High positive energy enables you to perform well, but you can’t stay in that state for ever. Sooner or later, you need to reduce the energy. Stay positive, and you will recover quickly. Dip into more negative feelings, and you will feel burnt out.

High negative energy is quite an uncomfortable place to be: it feels like you’re fighting for survival all the time. Again, you will have to reduce the energy at some point since it could lead to burnout.

Positive Actions to Help you Manage Emotions

There are a number of actions that you can take that will help you to manage your emotions. Many of them are very general, but try them because you may just find that they work.

Exercise: this releases reward and pleasure chemicals in the brain such as dopamine, which makes you feel better. Being fit also makes you healthier, which helps in managing emotions.

Be kind to others , because this helps stop you worrying about yourself.

Be open and accept what is going on around you. Learn to appreciate what is happening and avoid excessive criticism of others or of situations. This is linked to mindfulness , which is about being aware of what is going on in the moment.

It’s good to talk. Spend time with other people and enjoy their company.

Distract yourself. Yes, you really are that shallow. Watching a bit of TV, reading, or surfing the internet will probably help you forget that you were feeling a bit down.

Don’t give in to negative thinking. If you find yourself having negative thoughts, then challenge them by looking for evidence against them.

Spend time outside. Being in the fresh air, especially around nature, is very helpful for calming the emotions. There is evidence that we need to see horizons, so if you can go up a hill and look at the view then do.

Be grateful. Thank people in person for doing nice things for you, and remember it.

Play to your strengths. That often means doing things that you enjoy, but it also involves doing things that are good for you.

Notice the good things in your life. In old-fashioned terms, count your blessings.

This list may sound quite old-fashioned, but then perhaps our grandparents knew a thing or two about managing emotions that we may have forgotten. Finding the right balance for you can help reduce your stress levels and may help fight depression .

Applying Reason to Emotion

As we said above, you can change how you feel. The key is to be aware of your emotional response, and understand what might be behind it. That way, you can apply some reason to the situation.

For example, you might ask yourself some questions about possible courses of action, like:

How do I feel about this situation?

What do I think I should do about it?

What effect would that have for me and for other people?

Does this action fit with my values?

If not, what else could I do that might fit better?

Is there anyone else that I could ask about this who might help me?

This helps you to apply reason to an emotional response before reacting.

There is more about this in our page on Neuro-Linguistic Programming .

Suppose you are afraid of being in the dark because once you got shut in a dark room when you were a child.

You always have an emotional response to the dark because of your earlier experience. But you can remind yourself that you are now grown up and that there is nothing to frighten you. All you have to do is walk over to the light and turn it on.

By practising this, you can help your brain to understand that there is no need to be frightened and gradually retrain your limbic system.

Making Decisions with Emotions

When you make decisions, you can draw on reason, emotion, or a mixture of the two.

Emotional decisions are sometimes seen as made in the ‘heat of the moment’, but emotions play a greater part in most decisions than we may be aware. If you’re married, for example, you’ll know that considerable thought may go into the decision about whether or not to get married. Very few, however, would argue that the decision is made solely on the basis of logic.

The best decisions are made using both logic and emotion.

If you only use one or the other, your decisions may either not be very balanced, or not support your emotional needs. Instead, you need to combine your emotional response with more rational considerations.

You can do this by:

Stopping before you decide, to give yourself a chance to think.

Think about how you will feel as a result of each possible action.

Consider what might happen as a result, and how your decision might affect others. Would you be happy with those effects?

Take some time out before making a decision.

Consider the decision against your values. Does it fit with them? If not, why not?

Think about what someone whom you respect would think about your decision. Are you happy with that?

Finally, consider what would happen if everyone were to take the same action. If this would be a disaster, then probably best not to do it.

Emotions are Important

It pays to be aware of our own and others’ feelings. Highly emotionally intelligent people do this all the time. Like any other, it is a skill that can be developed and which is well worth acquiring.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou - Civil rights activist and poet.

Further Reading from Skills You Need

Understanding and Developing Emotional Intelligence

Learn more about emotional intelligence and how to effectively manage personal relationships at home, at work and socially.

Our eBooks are ideal for anyone who wants to learn about or develop their interpersonal skills and are full of easy-to-follow, practical information.

Continue to: Mindfulness Building Confidence

See also: What is Empathy? Anger Management Self Management

Controlling myself and my Emotions

Address strategies and techniques for effective emotional self-regulation. The essay will explore the importance of understanding and managing emotions for personal and professional growth. It will include insights from psychology on identifying triggers, employing coping mechanisms like mindfulness and cognitive restructuring, and developing emotional intelligence. On PapersOwl, there’s also a selection of free essay templates associated with Myself.

How it works

The scholar Howard Gardener states that there are multiple intelligences. “He described an individual’s cognitive abilities in terms of seven relatively independent but interacting intelligences: linguistic, logical-mathematical, spatial, musical, bodily-kinaesthetic, intrapersonal and interpersonal.” (IJCRSEE, 2016) The academic John Dewey, focuses more on intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligences. Interpersonal refers to the understanding and the act of relating to other people, while Intrapersonal refers to introspection and self-reflection. Dewey believed that the human being has to interact with what surrounds him in order to grow and learn.

In other words to explore one’s intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence, one has to analyse his own emotions and those of the people that surround him to determine his level of Emotional Intelligence.

A highly emotional intelligent person has the ability to recognize his/her emotions, understand them, and see how they affect those around him/her. Although, it also means to understand other people’s emotions. Emotional intelligence is defined as perceiving, understanding and regulating emotions. It’s about the possibility to reason and solve problems. This allows a person to manage his/her relationships better and avoid conflicts. There are 5 elements that define emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, social skills and motivation. (mindtools.com)

Goleman defines the 5 characteristics that comprise Emotional Intelligence. Self-awareness is knowing how you are feeling and how those emotions are effecting people around you. Self-regulation is controlling your emotions and actions. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. Social Skills is the ability to manage a dispute, excel in communication skills, and be good at managing and building relationships. Motivation is the internal drive to achieve, produce, develop, and keep moving forward. (Goleman, 1995)

If I had to appraise myself I would say that I have an above average level of Emotional Intelligence, and there are some areas I need to handle and work on to provide and create a better ambience in the classroom and in my relationships at work and outside work. I believe that I am very self-aware of my emotions. I know how I feel all the time and can express what I am feeling. I am sensitive to the emotional climate of the people around me when I am or they are under pressure. I am also aware of the effect my behaviour has on people. When I am under stress, I feel like I am breaking on the inside and everything is blaring red and every alarm is ringing, but according to my sister and confidant, apparently I transmit calmness, think logically and I don’t panic at all. Also, when I am faced with a setback, I panic at first, but I quickly react and find ways to counteract and achieve a good result. Nonetheless, most of the time I then take all the stress and anxiety at home and release my nervousness on my loved ones. If I had to define myself I would never say that I am a positive person. When I am thinking about myself and the things I do, I always think that I can be better, or do better. However, I am always surprised when people around me describe me as a positive person, as I tend to always see the positive side to everything especially if the issue has nothing to do with me. Perhaps, it is also because I try to joke around to dramatize the situation.

As for Self-Regulation, I admit that I am quite an impulsive person and sometimes I tend to convey my sentiments without restraints, especially in my private life and with my co-workers. Now I have been teaching for four years and I can say that I learnt how to control most of my emotions in the classroom, although I have to admit that I replaced my abrupt reactions to sarcastic comments or facial expressions which most of the students still understand. Hence, Self-Regulation is a characteristic which I need to push upon and improve. Nonetheless, I consider myself to be a person that requires criticism and approval. I need to know if what I am doing is right and correct, so when I am actually criticised I do not get offended, on the other hand I reflect and try to act upon it and to improve. Therefore, I admit my mistakes and errors and apologise for my actions without shame.

I consider myself a good listener, to be an empathic and an understanding person. I am adept at tuning into others and their needs and most of the time I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes before I judge, most of all in the classroom. However, sometimes I do skip to judgements with my co-workers and outside work.

In relation to Social Skills, I believe that I enjoy positive relationships both at work and in my personal life. However, something I am not good at airing my grievances skilfully, I do not control my emotions when I am affronted with an unjust or unfair act. I get frustrated when I spend days and nights preparing an activity, and is not appreciated by my students, or when I work tirelessly and that work is not acknowledged. The problem is that by my abrupt reactions I achieve nothing, I only aggravate the situation and do not resolve anything. I must learn, to think before I act and avoid conflict as much as possible. I must remember that perhaps people don’t know the hours I put into my work and that I can make them see this only by talking calmly to them and make them understand how you are feeling.

With respect to motivation, I am a very self-motivated person and I believe that one always has to sacrifice a little to achieve good results, thus I think I am motivated once I truly know my goals and what I want to achieve. I like to learn new things, especially related to my job and how I can improve my performance in the classroom, how to motivate my students, how to engage them. Therefore, I take on new challenges, learn how to use new technologies and methods, and being a perfectionist I try to do so in the best way possible, I keep on pushing to reach the goal I set in my mind. I also try to motivate my students by providing them with different ways and methods how to progress and keep on building on what they learnt so far.

As to the atmosphere in my classroom, well it depends. I am a Spanish teacher and therefore I don’t teach only one set of students every year. Apart from this, I sometimes have to change classrooms with some groups. I must admit that the emotional intelligent ambience is different with every group, because my relationship with each group is different. I change my behaviour and I feel different emotions according to the group I am with. I also recognize that with some groups, and individuals I expose certain emotions which I ought to control and keep to myself. For example, with groups with gifted and brilliant students, I feel more relaxed, and I believe that we have an excellent emotional intelligent ambience in the classroom. We start each lesson with sharing of experiences lived in the past days, or discuss an issue that troubles them, and only after we start with the lesson. While with those groups that I feel less appreciated with I start immediately with the lesson, once everybody settles down, because I think they are not interested in knowing what I feel, so in return I don’t give them time to share their emotions with me. I know that this is not something that will lead to creating a good emotional intelligent ambience.

Consequently, I think that the characteristics that I need to work on to improve my Emotional Intelligence and create a better relationship with my students and co-workers (for now or to start with), are Self-Regulation, Empathy and Social Skills. I believe that I need to learn how to control my anger, irritation, disappointment in the classroom especially with those students that have some background social issues, I need to empathise more with their problems and be more patient and understanding. In regards to my Social Skills, I must learn that when I express my opinions I do not disdain other’s viewpoints. I have to accept how other people are, how they act, what they believe, their way of being and avoid conflicts by acknowledging this, learn to really listen in order to be happier on the workplace and around my colleagues.

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Manage Your Emotional Culture

• Sigal Barsade
• Olivia A. O’Neill

Most companies don’t realize how central emotions are to building the right culture. They tend to focus on cognitive culture: the shared intellectual values, norms, artifacts, and assumptions that set the overall tone for how employees think and behave at work. Though that’s incredibly important, the authors’ research shows that it’s only part of the story. The other critical part is emotional culture, which governs which feelings people have and express at work.

Barsade and O’Neill have found that emotional culture influences employee satisfaction, burnout, teamwork, and even “hard” measures such as financial performance and absenteeism. So when managers ignore or fail to understand it, they’re glossing over a vital component of what makes organizations tick, and their companies suffer as a result.

By not only allowing emotions into the workplace but also consciously shaping them, leaders can better motivate their employees. This article describes some of the ways emotional culture manifests at work—for instance, in the form of joy, companionate love, and fear—and the impact it can have in a range of settings and industries. It also suggests ways of creating and maintaining an emotional culture that will help you achieve your company’s goals.

Most leaders focus on how employees think and behave—but feelings matter just as much.

Before leaving work each day, employees at Ubiquity Retirement + Savings press a button in the lobby. They’re not punching out—not in the traditional sense, anyway. They’re actually registering their emotions. They have five buttons to choose from: a smiley face if they felt happy at work that day, a frowny face if they felt sad, and so on.

• SB Sigal Barsade is the Joseph Frank Bernstein Professor of Management at Wharton.
• OO Olivia A. O’Neill is an associate professor of management at George Mason University and a senior scientist at the Center for the Advancement of Well-Being.

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Essay on Emotions

Students are often asked to write an essay on Emotions in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Emotions

Understanding emotions.

Emotions are feelings that we experience daily. They can be happy, sad, angry, or scared. Emotions are important because they help us understand our world.

Types of Emotions

There are many types of emotions. Some common ones are joy, sadness, fear, and anger. Each emotion has a different effect on us.

Expressing Emotions

Expressing emotions is a part of being human. It’s okay to show how you feel. It’s also important to understand others’ emotions.

Managing Emotions

Managing emotions can be hard. But, with practice, we can learn to control our feelings. This can make us happier and healthier.

Also check:

• Paragraph on Emotions
• Speech on Emotions

250 Words Essay on Emotions

Introduction to emotions.

Emotions, complex psychological states involving three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioral or expressive response, are fundamental to human experience. They serve as a universal language, transcending cultural and linguistic barriers.

The Role of Emotions

Emotions play a crucial role in our lives. They not only influence our mental state but also impact our physical well-being. They guide our actions, shape our relationships, and provide the lens through which we perceive the world. They can act as motivators, driving us towards specific goals or deterring us from potential hazards.

Emotions and Decision Making

In decision-making processes, emotions act as a compass, guiding us towards choices that feel right. They are intertwined with our cognitive processes, challenging the traditional dichotomy between emotion and reason. Recent research in neuroscience reveals that emotions are not just byproducts of cognition but play a central role in rational decision-making.

Emotional Intelligence

The concept of Emotional Intelligence (EI) has gained prominence in recent years. EI refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions and those of others. It is a vital skill in navigating social interactions and maintaining mental health, highlighting the importance of emotional literacy in contemporary society.

In conclusion, emotions are an integral part of our existence, influencing our thoughts, actions, and interactions. Understanding and managing emotions are crucial for our personal growth and well-being. As we continue to explore the realm of emotions, we deepen our understanding of what it means to be human.

500 Words Essay on Emotions

The complexity of emotions.

Emotions, an integral part of human existence, are complex and multifaceted. They are powerful forces that can shape our actions, mold our perceptions, and influence our decisions. The study of emotions is an interdisciplinary endeavor, encompassing psychology, neuroscience, philosophy, and sociology, among other fields.

Emotions can be understood as subjective, conscious experiences characterized primarily by psychophysiological expressions, biological reactions, and mental states. They are often associated with mood, temperament, personality, and motivation. Emotions are not just mere feelings; they are a sophisticated system that helps us interact with the world.

A pivotal theory in understanding emotions is the James-Lange theory, which postulates that our emotional responses are largely a result of our bodily reactions to stimuli. This theory suggests that we do not tremble because we are afraid; rather, we are afraid because we tremble. Conversely, the Cannon-Bard theory argues that physiological arousal and emotional experience occur simultaneously, yet independently.

Emotions and the Brain

Neuroscientific studies have identified specific brain regions associated with emotions. The amygdala, for instance, plays a crucial role in fear and aggression, while the hippocampus is linked with memory formation, which can evoke emotional responses. The prefrontal cortex is involved in the regulation of emotions, helping us to react appropriately to emotional stimuli.

Emotions serve several key functions. First, they prepare us for action by triggering physiological responses such as increased heart rate or adrenaline flow. Second, emotions can shape our learning and memory processes. We tend to remember emotionally charged events better than neutral ones, a phenomenon known as the emotion-enhanced memory effect.

Third, emotions facilitate our social interactions. They help us understand others’ feelings and intentions, enabling empathy and social bonding. Emotions also communicate information to others about our internal state. For example, a smile signals happiness and friendliness, while a frown indicates displeasure or concern.

Emotion Regulation

Emotion regulation is a vital aspect of emotional health and well-being. It refers to our ability to manage and modify our emotional reactions in order to achieve our goals or adapt to different situations. Techniques for emotion regulation can range from cognitive reappraisal (changing how we think about a situation) to mindfulness and meditation.

In conclusion, emotions are complex phenomena that play a crucial role in our lives. They influence our actions, shape our social interactions, and even affect our memory and learning. Understanding emotions and how to regulate them effectively is vital for our overall well-being. As research in this field continues to evolve, we are likely to gain even more insights into the intricate world of emotions, enhancing our understanding of human behavior and the human mind.

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Develop emotional regulation and discover what your emotions can do for you

Posted on May 13, 2024 by Nina Tạ . This entry was posted in Life Events and Changes , Staying Healthy . Bookmark the permalink .

It’s easy to forget that facial expressions and body language communicate emotions, whether intended or not. What if you could exert more control over how you process and express these emotions?

It’s possible through a process called emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is the ability to manage your emotional responses through various strategies that reframe challenging circumstances. Developing these strategies empowers you to navigate life with the adaptability to balance spontaneous reactions with deliberate responses—enhancing your well-being.

Understanding and regulating your emotions can foster resilience, lead to more harmonious interactions with yourself and produce relief and satisfaction in work and life, according to Marsha Linehan , professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington.

Developing a skill set

In her work, Linehan breaks down many diverse emotions and ways of understanding why you feel what you are feeling. She poses a set of questions that are important to help process and regulate these common emotions — and start making them work for you rather than ruling you. These questions that you should be asking yourself include:

• What happened to prompt this emotion?
• What action was my emotion motivating and preparing me to do? (Was there a problem my emotion was getting me to solve, overcome or avoid?)
• What function or goal did my emotion serve?
• What was my facial expression? Posture? Gestures? Words? How was my communication to others?
• What did my emotions say to me?

Our emotions

You can apply these questions to Linehan’s extensive guide to emotions, ranging from anger, envy, fear and shame to love and happiness. From the list, here is a subset of emotions we most frequently feel:

Happiness words: joy, enjoyment, relief, amusement, enthrallment, hope, satisfaction, bliss

Some prompting events for feeling happiness: 

• Receiving a wonderful surprise
• Reality exceeding your expectations
• Receiving love, liking, or affection
• Being accepted by others

Biological changes and experiences of happiness:

• Feeling excited, physically energetic, and/or active
• Feeling your face flush
• Being bouncy or bubbly
• Feeling at peace

After effects of happiness:

• Being courteous or friendly to others
• Doing nice things for other people
• Remembering and imagining other times you have felt joyful

Fear words: anxiety, dread, horror, shock, tenseness, worry, uneasiness, overwhelmed

Some prompting events for feeling fear:

• Having your life, your health, or your well-being threatened
• Having to perform in front of others
• Pursuing your dreams

Biological changes and experiences of fear

• Breathlessness
• Fast Heartbeat
• Wanting to run away or avoid things
• A shaky or trembling voice

After effects of fear

• Narrowing of attention
• Losing your ability to focus or becoming disoriented or dazed
• Imagining the possibility of more loss or failure
• Isolating yourself

Envy words: bitterness, disgruntled, dissatisfied, greed, pettiness, resentment, downhearted

Some prompting events for feeling envy:

• Thinking about how unfair it is that you have such a bad lot in life compared to others
• Thinking you are inferior, a failure, or mediocre in comparison to others whom you want to be like
• Comparing yourself to people who have characteristics that you wish you had
• Thinking you are unappreciated

Biological changes and experiences of envy

• Muscles tightening
• Pain in the pit of the stomach
• Hating the object of envy
• Wanting the person or people you envy to lose what they have, to have bad luck, or to be hurt

After effects of envy

• Ruminating when others have had more than you
• Discounting what you do have; not appreciating things you have, or things others do for you
• Making resolutions to change

Guilt words: culpability, remorse, apologetic, regret, sorry

Some prompting events for feeling guilt:

• Doing or thinking something you believe in is wrong
• Doing or thinking something that violates your personal values
• Causing harm/damage to yourself
• Being reminded of something wrong you did in the past

Biological changes and experiences of guilt

• Hot, red face
• Jitteriness
• Nervousness
• Suffocating feeling within your body

After effects of guilt

• Making changes in behavior
• Joining self-help programs

Love words:  adoration, attraction, compassion, liking, tenderness, warmth, kindness

Some prompting events for feeling love:

• Being with someone you have fun with
• Receiving something you want, need or desire
• Sharing a special experience with a person
• Feeling physically attracted

Biological changes and experiences of love

• Feeling excited and full of energy
• Feeling self-confident
• Feeling invulnerable
• Wanting to see and spend time with a person

After effects of love

• Feeling forgetful or distracted; daydreaming
• Feeling “alive” and capable
• Feeling openness and trust
• Believing in yourself; believing you are wonderful, capable and competent

Where to seek help when you’re feeling negative

Emotions are something we all can feel deeply. Learning more about the exact emotions can better target the main issue to resolve and improve quality of life.

When looking for help, a great place to start is the Washington State Employee Assistance Program . WA EAP supports PEBB-eligible UW employees and their house members to help identify and resolve personal concerns to promote personal workplace well-being. WA EAP provides short-term solutions-focused counseling services that are easy to access. Your benefit includes up to 3 sessions per concern and covers all your household members. It can be used multiple times each year if you have new concerns to address.

If you are having any issues related to caregiving for a loved one, looking for housing resources, or in need of support for personal or professional challenges, UW WorkLife is a great source of information to help aid you in your multifaceted life.

All these options are meant to provide you with the resources and information you need to thrive both at work and in your personal life.

How to build on positive feelings  

If you are already feeling positive, here are some resources to keep that streak going.

Consider your impact on the community and how your participation can have a positive influence on others and yourself. The UW Combined Fund Drive is a great way to make a positive impact. The UW’s workplace giving program for staff, faculty and retirees offers information on thousands of nonprofit organizations and information on various ways to support them through financial donations or volunteering.

You can better connect with your UW community—while taking care of your mind and body—through The Whole U . Celebrating its 10 th anniversary, The Whole U was created for and by the UW to foster community engagement, promote holistic wellness and share the great perks and discounts available to UW faculty, staff and retirees. Check out the menu of events and free virtual fitness and mindfulness classes, plus the archive of hundreds of instructional and inspirational videos.

Information on Marsha Linehan’s work and emotional regulation provided by the UW Counseling Center .

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Managing Your Emotions at Work

Controlling Your Feelings... Before They Control You

By the Mind Tools Content Team

Everything can be taken from a man but the last of human freedoms – the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances, to choose one's way. – Viktor Frankl, "Man's Search for Meaning."

We've all been in one of "those" situations before. You know... when your favorite project is canceled after weeks of hard work; when a customer snaps at you unfairly; when your best friend (and co-worker) is laid off suddenly; or your boss assigns you more work when you're already overloaded.

In your personal life, your reaction to stressful situations like these might be to start shouting, or to go hide in a corner and feel sorry for yourself for a while. But at work, these types of behavior could seriously harm your professional reputation, as well as your productivity.

Stressful situations are all too common in a workplace that's facing budget cuts, staff layoffs, and department changes. It may become harder and harder to manage your emotions under these circumstances, but it's even more important for you to do so. After all, if management is forced into making more layoffs, they may choose to keep those who can handle their emotions, and work well under pressure. No matter what the situation is, you're always free to choose how you react to it.

So, how can you become better at handling your emotions, and "choosing" your reactions to bad situations? In this article, we look at the most common negative emotions experienced in the workplace – and how you can manage them productively.

Why are we focusing only on negative emotions? Well, most people don't need strategies for managing their positive emotions. After all, feelings of joy, excitement, compassion, or optimism usually don't affect others in a negative way. As long as you share positive emotions constructively and professionally, they're great to have in the workplace!

Common Negative Emotions at Work

In 1997, Bond University professor of management Cynthia Fisher conducted a study called " Emotions at Work: What Do People Feel, and How Should We Measure It? "

According to Fisher's research, the most common negative emotions experienced in the workplace are as follows:

• Frustration/irritation.
• Worry/nervousness.
• Anger/aggravation.
• Disappointment/unhappiness.

From " Emotions at Work: What Do People Feel and How Should we Measure it? " by Cynthia D. Fisher. School of Business Discussion Paper; No. 63, February 1997. © Copyright Cynthia D. Fisher and the School of Business, Bond University.

How to Manage Emotions at Work

Below are different strategies you can use to help you deal with each of these negative emotions.

Frustration/Irritation

Frustration usually occurs when you feel stuck or trapped, or unable to move forward in some way. It could be caused by a colleague blocking your favorite project, a boss who is too disorganized to get to your meeting on time, or simply being on hold on the phone for a long time.

Whatever the reason, it's important to deal with feelings of frustration quickly, because they can easily lead to more negative emotions, such as anger.

Here are some suggestions for dealing with frustration:

• Stop and evaluate – One of the best things you can do is mentally stop yourself, and look at the situation. Ask yourself why you feel frustrated. Write it down, and be specific. Then think of one positive thing about your current situation. For instance, if your boss is late for your meeting, then you have more time to prepare. Or, you could use this time to relax a little.
• Find something positive about the situation – Thinking about a positive aspect of your situation often makes you look at things in a different way. This small change in your thinking can improve your mood. When it's people who are causing your frustration, they're probably not doing it deliberately to annoy you. And if it's a thing that's bothering you – well, it's certainly not personal! Don't get mad, just move on.
• Remember the last time you felt frustrated – The last time you were frustrated about something, the situation probably worked out just fine after a while, right? Your feelings of frustration or irritation probably didn't do much to solve the problem then, which means they're not doing anything for you right now.

Worry/Nervousness

With all the fear and anxiety that comes with increasing numbers of layoffs, it's no wonder that many people worry about their jobs. But this worry can easily get out of control, if you allow it, and this can impact not only your mental health, but also your productivity, and your willingness to take risks at work.

Try these tips to deal with worrying:

• Don't surround yourself with worry and anxiety – For example, if co-workers gather in the break room to gossip and talk about job cuts, then don't go there and worry with everyone else. Worrying tends to lead to more worrying, and that isn't good for anyone.
• Try deep-breathing exercises – This helps slow your breathing and your heart rate. Breathe in slowly for five seconds, then breathe out slowly for five seconds. Focus on your breathing, and nothing else. Do this at least five times. For more on this, read our article on Physical Relaxation Techniques .
• Focus on how to improve the situation – If you fear being laid off, and you sit there and worry, that probably won't help you keep your job. Instead, why not brainstorm ways to bring in more business, and show how valuable you are to the company?
• Write down your worries in a worry log – If you find that worries are churning around inside your mind, write them down in a notebook or "worry log," and then schedule a time to deal with them. Before that time, you can forget about these worries, knowing that you'll deal with them. When it comes to the time you've scheduled, conduct a proper risk analysis around these things, and take whatever actions are necessary to mitigate any risks.

When you're worried and nervous about something, it can dent your self-confidence. Read our article on Building Self-Confidence to make sure this doesn't happen. Also, don't let your worries get in the way of being appropriately assertive .

Anger/Aggravation

Out-of-control anger is perhaps the most destructive emotion that people experience in the workplace. It's also the emotion that most of us don't handle very well. If you have trouble managing your temper at work, then learning to control it is one of the best things you can do if you want to keep your job.

Try these suggestions to control your anger:

• Watch for early signs of anger – Only you know the danger signs when anger is building, so learn to recognize them when they begin. Stopping your anger early is key. Remember, you can choose how you react in a situation. Just because your first instinct is to become angry doesn't mean it's the correct response.
• If you start to get angry, stop what you're doing – Close your eyes, and practice the deep-breathing exercise we described earlier. This interrupts your angry thoughts, and it helps put you back on a more positive path.
• Picture yourself when you're angry – If you imagine how you look and behave while you're angry, it gives you some perspective on the situation. For instance, if you're about to shout at your co-worker, imagine how you would look. Is your face red? Are you waving your arms around? Would you want to work with someone like that? Probably not.

To find out more about managing your anger at work, take our self-test How Good Is Your Anger Management? Also, read Dealing with Unfair Criticism and Anger Management .

We've probably all had to work with someone we don't like. But it's important to be professional, no matter what.

Here are some ideas for working with people you dislike:

• Be respectful – If you have to work with someone you don't get along with, then it's time to set aside your pride and ego. Treat the person with courtesy and respect, as you would treat anyone else. Just because this person behaves in an unprofessional manner, that doesn't mean you should as well.
• Be assertive – If the other person is rude and unprofessional, then firmly explain that you refuse to be treated that way, and calmly leave the situation. Remember, set the example.

To learn more about handling dislike in the workplace, please see our articles on Working With People You Don't Like , Dealing With Difficult People and Egos at Work .

Disappointment/Unhappiness

Dealing with disappointment or unhappiness at work can be difficult. Of all the emotions you might feel at work, these are the most likely to impact your productivity. If you've just suffered a major disappointment, your energy will probably be low, you might be afraid to take another risk, and all of that may hold you back from achieving.

Here are some proactive steps you can take to cope with disappointment and unhappiness:

• Look at your mindset – Take a moment to realize that things won't always go your way. If they did, life would be a straight road instead of one with hills and valleys, ups and downs, right? And it's the hills and valleys that often make life so interesting.
• Adjust your goal – If you're disappointed that you didn't reach a goal, that doesn't mean the goal is no longer reachable. Keep the goal, but make a small change – for example, delay the deadline. Our Back On Track article provides practical steps for recovering from a major career setback.
• Record your thoughts – Write down exactly what is making you unhappy. Is it a co-worker? Is it your job? Do you have too much to do? Once you identify the problem, start brainstorming ways to solve it or work around it. Remember, you always have the power to change your situation.
• Smile! – Strange as it may sound, forcing a smile – or even a grimace – onto your face can often make you feel happy (this is one of the strange ways in which we humans are "wired.") Try it – you may be surprised!

We all have to deal with negative emotions at work sometimes, and learning how to cope with these feelings is now more important than ever. After all, negative emotions can spread, and no one wants to be around a person who adds negativity to a group.

Know what causes your negative emotions, and which types of feelings you face most often. When those emotions begin to appear, immediately start your strategy to interrupt the cycle. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to pull yourself away from negative thinking.

Fisher, Cynthia D. (1997). Emotions at Work: What Do People Feel and How Should We Measure it? [online]. School of Business Discussion Paper, Bond University. (Available here .)

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Dr. Ken Martz

Great key points for managing emotions at work. You can find more great tips from my bestselling book Manage My Emotions at https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08GZV98NX or at my website https://drkenmartz.com/

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Emotion Management in the Workplace

Emotions are a complex and often challenging part of the everyday life of modern individuals. Emotions are present at all times and in every situation we face. Sometimes they are quite pleasant and relaxing, and sometimes they are confusing and frustrating. Both positive and negative emotions have one important feature in common – they are hard to control and manage.

Introduction

The question of emotions in the workplace is frequently discussed in our society. The scholars and practitioners are trying to determine the nature of emotions, their advantages, and disadvantages, and the ways they can be handled at the workplace without harming the employees.

Factors That Make Some Organizations Ineffective at Managing Emotions

First of all, emotions are frequently associated with weakness. In the contemporary world where the employees daily undergo a variety of stressful situations, pressures and are generally emotionally overloaded, it is considered tactless or inappropriate to show one’s emotions. As a result, most employees end up driven to their breaking point. Breaking down, men tend to show aggression, raise their voice, and behave in an angry way, whereas women tend to burst into tears. The reactions are so different because women tend not to show their temper due to social stereotypes where an aggressive woman is considered highly unpleasant and difficult to be around (Goudreau, 2013). Forcing the workers to hide emotions leads to poor management of emotions. Besides, emotionality is an individual characteristic, so ignoring personal differences of the employees is another factor leading to ineffective management of emotions at work.

Strategic Use and Display of Emotions

Strategic use of emotions at the workplace often has a rather one-sided nature, which means that only negative emotions such as fear and anxiety are used by the employers to motivate their workers. Such an approach may facilitate a certain devotion to the working process and improve the results of the employees, but it is also likely to decrease job satisfaction and increase the level of stress and lack of loyalty to a company (Robbins & Judge, 2013). Hiding emotions will lead to negative explosions and conflicts at work.

Workplaces Where Emotions Were a Part of Management Style

The boss of one of my former workplaces used a negative image to motivate workers. Her strategy was to convince the employees that they were easy to replace, so the smallest mistakes could result in the loss of employment. This was the use of fear to facilitate the working process. At another workplace, positive motions were employed as a team-building technique. The workers were acted to sit in a circle and communicate for half an hour every morning telling jokes and funny stories. Humor was used to bring the workers closer and start their day in a positive way.

Change Emotional Climate at Laura’s Company

The most important thing Laura’s company should change is to stop using anger and fear to manipulate its employees. There are more positive sources of motivation for the employees, hard work, and high performance could be encouraged through monetary rewards and other benefits. Since frustration is inevitable at most workplaces, it would be appropriate for the companies to provide their workers with rooms where they could express their emotions, for example, get a punching bag. This approach would reduce the chance of emotional outbursts harming not only the person who explodes but everyone who witnesses it. Besides, happier workers will be better at managing customers’ emotions.

Emotions are ever-present, and they are inevitable in the workplace. Failure to manage emotions could lead to dangerous emotional outbursts at work, disrupting the working process. Managing emotions means making them a natural and essential part of work and motivation, and allowing the employees to let out stress when they need it in a harmless way.

Reference List

Goudreau, J. (2013). From Crying To Temper Tantrums: How To Manage Emotions At Work . Web.

Robbins, S. P., & Judge, T. A. (2013). Organizational Behavior (16 th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall. Web.

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