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Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis — Book Review

  • February 3, 2019 June 13, 2019

Holly Isaacson

  • 1 Comment on Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis — Book Review
  • #books , #business development , #personal development , #Rachel Hollis

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book review girl stop apologizing

I’m sure many of you reading this know who Rachel Hollis ‘ is. If you don’t, that’s cool. To update you, she’s the author of the immensely best selling book from 2018, Girl, Wash Your Face . And now she’s at it again with a new book debuting , March 12th entitled: Girl, Stop Apologizing .

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I’ll get to my review, but first, a little background….

To give you a little background on my “experience” with Rachel Hollis…..I received Girl, Wash Your Face (GWYF) in my Sparkle Hustle Grow subscription box last year and read about 10 pages before putting it down. I just didn’t get it. I had never heard of Rachel Hollis and I didn’t quite understand why someone with a food blog (or whatever kind of blog she had) was writing a personal development book. I just had zero context for her book. There it sat on my bookshelf collecting dust. Several months later, I was still hearing things about GWYF and it seemed that she was becoming a “phenomenon”.

Then, I started seeing advertisements for Hollis’ Made for More documentary coming to theaters last August (and debuting on Amazon February 6th!). I figured it would be a fun night out with some of my local female entrepreneurs so we made it a girls’ night out. Well, Made for More kind of changed things for me on the Rachel Hollis’ front. I really needed to hear her message from that documentary at that time.

Her whole “you were meant to do more and be more” mantra was exactly what I needed someone to tell me in that moment of my life. So I jumped on the Rachel Hollis bandwagon.

And I figured if I liked the message she was sending through her documentary, I might feel better about trying her book again. I devoured GWYF and took much of what she said to heart. There were chapters that I really just skimmed through. And some of it was a little “preachy” to me. But overall, her message was really good.

During the time I was reading GWYF and afterward, I was working with my own business coach and participating in masterminds with inspiring female business owners. And after a bit of time and processing, I started to come to a conclusion. Though Rachel really spoke to me in those few moments in August, I started to see her less as an icon and more as another amazing business woman who was rocking it. But it all started to feel a little overhyped to me. Not that I didn’t believe that she believed in what she was saying. I do think she does. But I also think she’s a very savvy business woman. She’s clearly figured out her niche and her ideal client. And she is speaking directly to ‘that’ person.

I was excited when I came across the opportunity to be part of the book launch team for Girl Stop Apologizing . First of all, can we just talk about how cool it is that a “book launch team” is a thing now in the social media world?? Can I please be on all the book launch teams? Maybe that’s what I should do. Just be a professional book launch team member. LOL! Sorry, I digress…..

Anyhoo, as I was saying….I was excited to see what Rachel had to say next. What her next move was for her business. What her client needed next, even if I knew maybe I wasn’t exactly the person she was speaking to. I received my advanced reader copy of Girl Stop Apologizing less than a week ago, started it right away and just finished the book.

Girl Stop Apologizing debuts

Whereas Girl, Wash Your Face was a book that could appeal to any woman reading it, I feel Girl Stop Apologizing is more of a business development type book.

Flat Lay desktop image with Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis on it. This is a post of a book review for her newest book. www.theradiancemindset.com

Yes, this book talks overall about what it takes to achieve a goal. And yes, what she says can be applied to any goal you have (whether it’s business related, health-related or home-related). But this second book more specifically talks about how Rachel built her business/empire. She also echoes a few things from her first book, just in more detail. I think GWYF is more for the everywoman, GSA is more for the goal-getter, business woman.

If you’ve read many business development/personal development type books, you will find themes in Girl Stop Apologizing that you have heard before such as, the idea that the habit cycle contains a cue, an action and a reward. In fact, the entire chapter ‘Build Foundations of Success’ can be found in many other sources: “Establish a morning routine”….. author Hal Elrod has a whole series on this. “Get your personal space in order”…Hi, Marie Kondo . “Build a community”. Yep, check. Brenda Ster and many other amazing business coaches also preach that one, sister.

I think Rachel is much more inspiring with her general message from GWYF and should stick to preaching that. She’s a self-professed lover of books and reading, I just wish she would attribute what she’s saying in Girl Stop Apologizing to the authors she’s read. Nowhere does she say she came up with these things completely on her own. She simply says “This is what I do.” But, because of her reputation and following, I think these general personal development ideas will be misconstrued as originating from her. (It’s already happening. Read more about it here .) I’m pretty sure she isn’t doing it on purpose or with malice. I don’t think she is sitting there thinking to herself, “This is a great idea! I’m going to sell this as mine.” I think she simply incorporates the info she learns in her reading into her routine/life. Because let’s be honest, there’s good stuff out there that provides results if you put it into practice (check out my suggested list of books at the end of this post!). Rachel reads something, she puts it into practice, it works for her, she tells people about it, and the idea skyrockets. She’s the epitome of an influencer. Not a personal/business development genius.

So, I guess overall, what I’m trying to say is Rachel tells it like it is in her trademark Rachel way. If you’re all into that, and sooo many are, you will like this book.

If you haven’t done a ton of business/personal development reading before, and you’re looking for a place to start, this is a GREAT overview to business mindset. 

If you’ve been in small business for a bit and are pretty well-read in that world, Girl Stop Apologizing will be fairly elementary for you and might not be as inspiring as you may have hoped.

Hollis gets points for transparency!

That’s pretty much what she preaches anyway, right? Transparency. And for good or bad, I love love love that she is transparent. I love that she talks about getting a boob job, and how she hates volunteering in her kids’ classrooms. Because that makes her real. I may not agree with the idea that she has an entire chapter on how looking good instills confidence. I think she actually focuses too much on body image in both of her books. But it’s something she struggles with, and she outright says that she knows people will not agree with her on the topic. It seems trite to think that your looks can help instill confidence. But I’m more of a ‘your brain and mindset build confidence’ kind of person. I’m not going to judge her for it. We’re just two different people.

A Business Case Study

If you look at Rachel Hollis from the point of view of a case study. She’s pretty fascinating and what she has achieved is incredible.

Here’s the thing, despite all these nit picky little things about her book(s), what you can and should take away from Rachel Hollis is that she is one badass woman who doesn’t take no for an answer, she works her ass off and has built something for her to be proud of. She has figured out who her ideal client is and she’s writing to her. She is selling books, journals, and personal development conferences to her. She has a message that many, many women need to hear. And she writes in a way that is very welcoming to anyone. Anyone of any background can pick up her book/s and easily digest what she is saying. And THAT is why she’s really good at what she does! She’s found her audience and she speaks to them.

As women building small businesses, we can all hope to figure out our ideal client as well as Hollis has and build an empire that overtakes hers. 😉

Ha! She talks about big audacious goals….I want to see someone have a goal to grow their business bigger than Rachel Hollis’. I think that’s actually the biggest compliment any woman could give her because that’s exactly what she preaches. Go after that gigantic scary goal! Because she has absolutely, without a doubt, proven that you CAN do it with a sh*t ton of hard work, smarts, and an amazing team working with you!

Despite being polarizing, Hollis sure can build a business!

If you go back and look at the reviews of GWYF, you’re going to find those that LOVED it, gave it five stars, are inspired, and have told all their friends about it. And then you’re going to find the naysayers. Those who think Rachel is cliche, the book isn’t as great as they expected, etc. Well, I absolutely can see WHY people feel both ways and why her book is polarizing in that regard. The 5 star reviews….those are her people. Those are her ideal client. She speaks to them and they need to hear what she has to say. Those 1 star reviewers….they are not her ideal client. She is not for them. They need to go read Brene Brown or Elizabeth Gilbert or another author that gives them more what they are looking for.

Take Rachel at face value. Don’t put her on a pedestal, because there are other people who are doing and saying the same things she does (or they said the words before she reiterated them here in Girl Stop Apologizing). But, if she speaks to you and you enjoy her, by all means, indulge!

I’m sure she’ll have more to say in the future. She’s going to ride this wave as long as she can! After all, she has a plan! With a road map, guideposts and mile markers! I suspect she’s nowhere near the end of the road on her map. If she’s not for you, move on. No reason to cut her down. The girl can build. That’s all there is to it!

Me, I’ll continue to watch her from the side of her road and see where she takes this empire of hers, because like I said, she’s an incredible case study for building a successful business.

(I received Girl Stop Apologizing as an advanced reader copy by being a part of the #GSALaunchTeam. I have a feeling I won’t be asked back for the next book launch. LOL! But if Rachel ever sees this, maybe she’ll be proud that I was transparent enough with my thoughts and I don’t care about other people’s opinions to worry about it. 😉 )

Flat Lay desktop image with Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis on it. This is a post of a book review for her newest book. www.theradiancemindset.com

If you liked Rachel’s book and would like to continue your reading in business and personal development, check these out!

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One thought on “ Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis — Book Review ”

Great Job! Very Insightful, and I really appreciate your take on the book. I also like to watch her and see what she’s doing. She’s very savvy, even if we’re not necessarily her ideal client.

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book review girl stop apologizing

More By Jen Oshman

book review girl stop apologizing

There’s a woman in your church who is a #1 New York Times  bestselling author, founder and CEO of her own media company, business podcaster, sought-after motivational speaker, lifestyle-website producer, and global influencer.

Not only that, but she also looks and sounds like she could be your best friend next door. Her transparent style—sharing messy, real-life stories—and her proven tips for success have garnered her more than a million followers on social media.

As a professing Christian, you better believe that Rachel Hollis has forged meaningful relationships with the women in your pews. Her first self-help book, Girl, Wash Your Face  (read TGC’s review ), debuted last year and has been ranked #1 in Personal Growth and Christianity, as well as Women’s Christian Living, on Amazon for months and months.

In her latest book, Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals , Hollis has gained momentum. She wants you to believe in yourself, to take great pride in your hard work and accomplishments, and to do so without shame and with gusto. She wants you to go hard and unapologetically after your dreams.

Hollis’s message this time around is, “All that really matters is how bad you want those dreams and what you’re willing to do to make them happen” (83).

For a woman who claims Christ, I’m afraid this is in direct opposition to his words:

book review girl stop apologizing

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals

Rachel hollis.

If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? (Luke 9:23–25)

Jesus Says Deny Yourself. Hollis Says Believe in Yourself.

In this fallen world, all women are tempted to believe their lives are mediocre and disappointing. Hearing someone cheer, “You were made for more!” (xxii) is enticing. Women will be charging forward after hearing that all they need to reach their dreams is within themselves. They’ll be looking at Hollis—who built her empire with only a high-school diploma and a ton of energy and persistence—as the proof in the pudding.

For Hollis, salvation is found in ourselves:

The real you is destined for something more . . . your version of more. This is who you were made to be, and the first step to making that vision a reality is to stop apologizing for having the dream in the first place. Like Lady Gaga says, baby, you were born this way . . . it’s time to become who you were made to be. (209)

To get there, Hollis says: “First learn to love yourself well and give yourself credit; then reach for more” (62) She encourages readers to pick 10 goals, write them out every day, and meditate on the future vision we have of ourselves in order to get our subconscious involved. An example of one of her goals is, “I only fly first class” (101).

These practices are a far cry from self-denial. They are full-on faith in self.

And this faith in self only makes sense for a certain population in a certain context. How many people across history and across the globe can “believe you’re capable of making changes to become whatever kind of person you want to be” (18)? It’s a cruel joke to say to the disabled, to the poor, to the oppressed, “you’ve got to decide right now that you can be whoever you want to be and achieve whatever you want to achieve” (18). While that may be true for Hollis—a white woman in 21st century California—it’s not realistic advice for much of the world. Jesus promises rest, an easy yoke, and a light burden to the weary (Matt. 11:30), but Hollis’s message of self-determination is condemnation.

Jesus Says Take Up Your Cross Daily. Hollis Wonders If You’ve Got Time for That.

Hollis asks, “Is your schedule populated by things that will make your life better, or is it dictated by everybody else’s wants and needs?” (25). She reasons, “Being occasionally inconvenienced is a part of life, and if you’re willing to [serve others], then you better be willing to demand that they do it for you” (140).

On staying home with her kids, Hollis says:

It’s not my spiritual gifting. It’s not in my wheelhouse. You know what is in my wheelhouse? Building a successful business, managing a team, writing books, giving keynote speeches, crushing it on social media, strategizing, branding, PR, and planning live events where a thousand women fly in from all over the world to be inspired. (80)

Lest you think I’m passing judgment on Hollis for being a working mom, I assure you that I’m not. I’ve been a working mom for all of my children’s days. But taking up your cross, sacrificially serving others, and staying home with hard, messy, needy children who don’t say thank you isn’t in anyone’s wheelhouse. I fear Hollis’s instructions will be happily heeded and lead to the emboldened absence of wives, moms, daughters, sisters, and friends who enjoy pursuing their dreams more than loving the least of these.

It is absolutely possible to be a passionate and hard-working Christian businesswoman who pursues her dreams without losing her soul. I have witnessed many myself. I’ve seen them daily confess their need for their Maker and Savior. I’ve marveled at their hard work on behalf of the kingdom, and praised God for their acknowledgment that all they have and do is by and for Jesus (Col. 1:16). It is indeed possible to build a business, a career, maybe even a global empire in a way that loves God and neighbor.

But the methods taught in Girl, Stop Apologizing aren’t the way to do it.

Jesus Says Follow Me. Hollis Says Follow Yourself—and Her.

In her opening pages Hollis says, “I am not an expert. What I am is your friend Rachel, and I want to tell you what worked for me” (xxiv). The book is then laid out accordingly: first it’s letting go of excuses, then it’s adopting certain behaviors, and finally it’s acquiring needed skills for your dreams to become reality.

In following her, you are instructed to follow only yourself. Hollis says, in fact, you should follow yourself so wholeheartedly that, if you sense any guilt, you will label it as

holy crap. No, seriously. [Guilt is] a load of crap wrapped up and pretending to be holy. I don’t care what religion you were raised in. You weren’t taught guilt and shame by your creator. You were taught guilt and shame by people. (49)

Follow yourself. No apologies.

You May Gain the World, but Lose Your Soul

If you follow Rachel Hollis you may indeed gain the world. But what about your soul?

I’m here to beg you to reject Hollis’s teaching, because it’s both exhausting and damning. It’s exhausting to believe in ourselves, because that belief is only as good as we are. It will only suffice for as long as we have ample energy and good behavior and right thinking. And we already know that we get tired, we mess up, we fall short. We need more for this life than we’re able to conjure up within. Ironically, believing in yourself will not lead to freedom or wholeness or to the pinnacle of your dreams, but rather to enslavement. Enslavement to self.

And second, believing in yourself is damning . It’s a foolish and grievous thing to triumph being self-made over the kind pursuit of the God in heaven who has made a way for us to be reconciled to him. Until we fall on our knees, come to the end of ourselves, and surrender to the goodness of our loving Father, we remain in the domain of darkness, destined for hell, justly earned by the wages of our sin (Col. 1:13; John 3:36; Rom. 6:23).

I beg you to reject Hollis’s teaching, because it’s both exhausting and damning.

Friend, our Father stands ready to transfer us to “the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:13–14). The stakes are high. They are eternal. They span heaven and hell. This is no time to believe in yourself. This is a blood-bought moment in which you may turn from yourself and trust Christ.

The Good Life Starts with an Apology

Contrary to the message of  Girl, Stop Apologizing , becoming the women we were meant to be starts  with apologizing. It starts with the humble acknowledgement that we were made by a beautiful and holy God, and that we rebel against him in countless ways every day. It starts with recognizing that Jesus died and rose to rescue us. And as once-hopeless sinners who have been mercifully forgiven, it starts—and continues, and ends—with treasuring Christ above all.

Becoming the women we were created to be means following Jesus , believing in Jesus , living for Jesus —not ourselves. Scripture could not be more clear:

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. (2 Cor. 5:14–15, emphasis mine)

We were made to be more than self-made. We are God-made. God-rescued. God-loved. Only as we orient our lives and dreams around him will we experience true and lasting joy.

Girl, let’s start with an apology. Let’s turn from a self-focused way of life to a Jesus-focused way of life—and therein find true life. For it’s in him, not in ourselves, that we find the path of life, the fullness of joy, and pleasures forevermore (Ps. 16:11).

Jen Oshman has been in women’s ministry for over two decades on three continents. She’s the author of Enough About Me , Cultural Counterfeits , and Welcome . She hosts a weekly podcast about cultural events and trends called All Things , and she’s the mother of four daughters. The family currently resides in Colorado and they planted Redemption Parker , where Jen is the director of women’s ministry.

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Danger Lurks Beneath the Surface

Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

May 27, 2020 by randirock 1 Comment

I don’t listen to a lot of audio books. It’s not something I particularly enjoy; however, I am more compelled when the book is biographical (or somewhat biographical) and narrated by the author. Because I had listened to  Girl, Wash Your Face  read by Rachel Hollis, herself, when I saw  Girl, Stop Apologizing available on my library app, I felt compelled to give it a whirl if for no other reason than to be able to have my own opinion on the pop culture/self-help phenomenon. Despite all attempts to give the book a “fair shot” by tamping down my frustrations with Rachel Hollis and the preconceived notions I had generated from other reviewers, the listen only reinforced my previously held opinions. I found myself rolling my eyes and waving my fists throughout the nearly six hours I dedicated to the recording.

Girl, Stop Apologizing  is a step-by-step guide to living Hollis’ version of “your best life.” The book is broken into three sections – excuses to stop making, behaviors to adopt, and skills to acquire. Hollis urges women to embrace and accept themselves without apology in a no-holds barred challenge to her readers and fans.

The message of female empowerment is most definitely one I want to get behind and support. Unfortunately, Hollis contradicts this message over and over and over again. This book reads like it was rushed to print by the author and the editor in order to cash in on the popularity of  Girl, Stop Apologizing  and Hollis’s Rise Conferences. It is  all. over. the. place. Furthermore, she repeatedly steals intellectual material. For example, she states, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” As a fan of Jim Rohn, I can certainly tell you that Rachel Hollis did not come up with that line, yet she does not refer to Rohn anywhere in the book. To top it all off, despite her intended message, Hollis again and again denigrates, among others, plus-sized women, differently-abled women, and working class women. At one point, she even berates the reader by saying, “Don’t be a dummy!”

Simply put, this book is a travesty. Dangerous, destructive, dis-empowering implications float under the surface of a shallow layer of glittery gunk disguised as shiny, beautiful empowerment. If I could give it zero stars, I would.

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Rachel Hollis

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals Hardcover – Illustrated, March 5 2019

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Purchase options and add-ons

Rachel Hollis points out the pitfalls, challenges, and excuses that stop us from achieving our aspirations.

Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: Women not living into their full potential. They feel a tugging on their hearts for something more, but they’re afraid of embarrassment, of falling short of perfection, of not being enough.

In Girl, Stop Apologizing , #1 New York Times bestselling author and founder of a multimillion-dollar media company Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want.

In this book, Hollis helps you to:

  • identify the excuses to let go of,
  • the behaviors to adopt,
  • And the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself.

Hollis shares stories and principles with raw honesty that inspires her readers to discover and take the practical steps that will put them on a lifelong path of personal growth.

Girl, Stop Apologizing is the life- changing guide you need to dump your excuses, embrace your dreams, set boundaries, and gain real confidence in life.

  • Part of series Girl, Wash Your Face
  • Print length 240 pages
  • Language English
  • Publisher HarperCollins Leadership
  • Publication date March 5 2019
  • Dimensions 13.97 x 2.54 x 21.59 cm
  • ISBN-10 1400209609
  • ISBN-13 978-1400209606
  • See all details

Frequently bought together

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals

What other items do customers buy after viewing this item?

Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be

From the Publisher

girls supporting girls, women supporting women, rise podcast, lets rise podcast, female leadership

Rachel Hollis, host of the Rise and Rise Together podcasts, CCO of the company she founded, and mother of four wants you to stop thinking you have to balance it all and apologize for wanting it.

girl wash your face, Rachel Hollis, female empowerment, female motivational books, You Are a Badass

Girl, Wash Your Face

In this book, each chapter tackles a different lie Rachel has believed, the authentic examples from her own life illustrating those lies, and then the methods she used (or wish she had used) to defeat those lies. These are big, vulnerable topics like 'I Should Be Farther Along By Now' and 'I Will Never Get Past This'.

Rachel doesn't want this book to change your life. She wants you to read this book, and then feel strengthened so you change your life.

'Girl, Wash Your Face is a dose of high-octane straight talk that will spit you out on the other end chasing down dreams you hung up long ago'.

Jen Hatmaker, author of 'For the Love'.

'In Rachel Hollis’ first nonfiction book, you will find she is less cheerleader and more life coach. This means readers won’t just walk away inspired, but they will walk away with the right tools in hand to actually do their dreams'.

Jessica Honegger, Founder & Co-CEO.

Girl Stop Apologizing, Rachel Hollis, women in leadership, women CEO, women in business

Girl, Stop Apologizing

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How do I convince my husband to watch the kids so I can workout?

How can I get my boyfriend to eat healthy with me so it’s easier for me to stay on track?

How can I get my dad to support my decision to change majors?

The best advice I know of in this situation is, if you want to change someone else, change yourself. People change because they’re inspired by someone else’s example, not because they were coerced into doing it.

People change because they see in someone else what’s Probable, not because someone harasses them over and over about what’s Possible.

You will never change someone else unless you find the courage and the will and the resolve to change Yourself. You will never do any of those things if you aren’t willing to let people be inconvenienced by your journey'.

An excerpt from Girl, Stop Apologizing.

Product description

About the author.

Rachel laid the foundation for her lifestyle brand and media company with the same unfiltered honesty and staunch inclusivity that made her a three-time New York Times bestselling author. Hollis connects with a highly engaged and growing global audience of women who treasure her transparency and optimism. She is one of the most sought-after motivational speakers, plays host to some of today’s top podcasts, and is a proud mama of four who uses her platform to empower and embolden women around the world. Rachel calls Texas home; more specifically, the Hill Country just outside of Austin.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ HarperCollins Leadership; Illustrated edition (March 5 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 240 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1400209609
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1400209606
  • Item weight ‏ : ‎ 318 g
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 13.97 x 2.54 x 21.59 cm
  • #207 in Women in Business (Books)
  • #769 in Christian Women's Issues
  • #1,048 in Motivational

About the author

Rachel hollis.

Rachel Hollis laid the foundation for her lifestyle brand and media company with the same unfiltered honesty and staunch inclusivity that made her a two-time #1 New York Times bestselling author. Hollis connects with a highly engaged and growing global audience who treasures her transparency and optimism. She is one of the most sought-after motivational speakers, plays host to one of today’s top podcasts, and is a proud working mama of four who uses her platform to empower and embolden women around the world. Rachel calls Texas home; more specifically, the Hill Country just outside of Austin.

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BOOK REVIEW: Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

Title : Girl Stop Apologizing Author : Rachel Hollis Publication : March 5, 2019 Publisher : Harper Collins Genre : Non-Fiction, Self Help Pages : 216

Amazon  |   Barnes and Noble  |   Goodreads    |   Author Website

SYNOPSIS: (From Goodreads)

Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: Women not living into their full potential. They feel a tugging on their hearts for something more, but they’re afraid of embarrassment, of falling short of perfection, of not being enough.

In  Girl, Stop Apologizing , #1  New York Times  bestselling author and founder of a multimillion-dollar media company Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want.

In this book, Hollis helps you to:

• identify the excuses to let go of, • the behaviors to adopt, • and the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself.

When I bought the first book in this series at some random thrift store/used books I was delighted when I found the second book in the series at Goodwill.  I snatched that bad boy up so fast.  I had listened to the first book last year while I was in school and while I felt incredibly targeted with some of the things she said I did walk away with some good things to strive towards.  I was hoping when I listened to this one even though I owned a physical copy I would come away with more tidbits to work towards. 

This isn’t really a book that has a beginning a middle and an end. It is a self-help book that is broken down into three parts.  The first is excuses that we make for ourselves and why we shouldn’t make them, the second part is behaviors that we should adopt to succeed and the third section is skills that we need to have to be an even better version of ourselves.  Admission time: I felt the entire time that I listened to this book that I was getting called out the entire time. I have given probably half of the excuses that she has listed out.  

I felt this book was well written.  Its easy to understand and it flows well from one part to the next.  The only thing that bothered me enough to give it 4 stars was the fact that while listening to it, I felt like I was judging myself the entire time for having half of the excuses or behaviors.  I will say however, that since I have finished this book, I have gotten the courage to talk to my community college about what I need to do to get into the program to further my education in my current field of work.  I realized that I was just making excuses for not looking into it.  While I will say I am scared that I will fail and a bunch of other negative thoughts that have invaded my mind, I also know that I am a capable person and will do just fine, I just have to find that inner strength and go for it.  All in all this book gave me some good things that I can expand upon and do to make myself a better version of myself. One that doesn’t need to apologize at times for putting myself first for a change.  At times this book was hard when talking about her marriage because I know what does happen after this book came out.  I know she has written another book about that, I do have it on my audible wish list to read so who knows maybe I will read that one soon as well. 

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My Book Review: “Girl, Stop Apologizing” by Rachel Hollis

  • January 17, 2021

Grab my book notes from “Girl, Stop Apologizing” in order to see what Rachel Hollis has to say about Goal Setting .

*This post contains affiliate links. Please see my full disclosure for details.

Rachel hollis book

Some Thoughts on Rachel Hollis

A lot of Christian circles have mixed feelings about Rachel Hollis as a Christian speaker, but if you’ve read her previous book, “ Girl, Wash Your Face “, you get a glimpse into her background and the reason she has such a strong message of self-confidence.

Her childhood consisted of a lot of anger and trauma as a result of her brother’s suicide. Rachel speaks out of a place of pain and hurt and therefore wants to share the message of worthiness to any woman willing to listen.

Unfortunately, she’s been getting a lot of criticism from Christians because her focus is so much on self (since her father was a preacher and she talks about Jesus), but I personally don’t think that’s any reason to skip these books. Her message is not anti-Jesus just because it’s pro-self…it’s that you don’t need to feel guilt or shame for wanting more for your life.

Rachel challenges us to step into our lives and reclaim them. To stop going through the motions in order to begin living our lives by believing the best about ourselves!

I’m not 100% on board with every book I read, so remember, you can read a book and still be allowed your own opinions. Ok, I’m getting down from my soap box—but I want to leave you with all the helpful tips Rachel offers up in her book. For example:

“I believe we can change the world. But first, we’ve got to stop living in fear of being judged for who we are.” -RACHEL HOLLIS

Rachel hollis book

What Rachel Hollis’ Book Taught Me About Goal-Setting

4 areas for setting priorities.

  • Yourself : Are you taking care of yourself? Get sleep, eat well, drink water!
  • Marriage : Is this the most important relationship in your life?
  • Kids : Everyone’s parenting looks different, give yourself grace.
  • Work : Is it taking precedence over what’s important?

5 Tips to Get Healthy

  • Stay hydrated
  • Wake up early
  • Give up one type of food for a month
  • Practice gratitude
“Here’s the one thing I believe about a goal that often annoys people: you can only focus on one at a time.” -RACHEL HOLLIS

Rachel Hollis’s 10-10-1 Approach

  • Ten years (Who do you want to be?)
  • Ten dreams (What would make that a reality?)
  • One goal (Which dream could you turn into a goal right now?)

4 Steps to Find Time to Focus on Your Goals

  • Look over your week. Where can you add in five hours?
  • Once you’ve set your new schedule, treat those five hours as sacred.
  • What time of day can you be most effective using those hours?
  • Have a weekly check-in, preferably on Sundays.

3 Actions to Establish a Habit

Habits can either be good or bad. For example, a cue (feeling sad) triggers an action (binge eating) that leads to a reward (feeling better for a little while).

Instead, take the same cue (feeling sad) and change your action (going for a run) to lead to a new reward (feeling better, more energy).

“You can make the time to pursue your goals, and you have to do it now. Why now? Because if not now, then when?” -RACHEL HOLLIS

Rachel hollis book

3 Steps to Reach Your Goals

  • Starting Point (start with the end in mind—how can you get there?)
  • Guideposts (brainstorm everything that will help you get closer to that goal, organize your list, and narrow it down to three guideposts)
  • Mile Markers (break down all the mile markers along the way that get to each of the three guideposts)

5 Tips for Productivity

  • What is the end result for today? Limit to 3 things.
  • What’s the one thing you could do to make this more efficient?
  • Set up your workspace to maximize productivity.
  • Avoid things you know distract you.
  • Check in weekly.
“The easiest way, the fastest way, to get where you want to go is to not quit on yourself.” -RACHEL HOLLIS

Rachel hollis book

Order Your Copy Today!

To order your copy of “Girl, Stop Apologizing” by Rachel Hollis, click here .

You Might Also Like…

Before you go, check out these other books I love:

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Girl, Stop Apologizing

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A shame-free plan for embracing and achieving your goals by Rachel Hollis

Harper Collins (2019) Self-Help/Motivational & Inspirational 240 pages

Disclosure: I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. This post contains affiliate links.

Summary:  Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: women not living into their full potential. They feel a tugging on their hearts for something more, but they’re afraid of embarrassment, of falling short of perfection, of not being enough. In Girl, Stop Apologizing, #1 New York Times bestselling author and founder of a multimillion-dollar media company, Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want. With a challenge to women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams, Hollis identifies the excuses to let go of, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself. 

Rachel’s first book, Girl, Wash Your Face , has made headlines and is a #1 New York Times Bestseller. I have not read the first book so I can’t compare it to this one, but I found the second book, Girl, Stop Apologizing , very good.

Now whether you agree with me or not will depend on your viewpoints. If you are a fervent Christian who believes women should not work outside of the home then you will not like the book. It’s about making goals and following them and not making apologies for having those goals.

If however you have a more feminist viewpoint, you will love the book. If you have a mixture of the two (like me) you will also find the book helpful and although you likely won’t agree with the way Rachel does things in some regards, you will be able to use what you find helpful. So from my viewpoint, it’s a 5 star book. But I understand why some people take offense to the book, based on their views.

So what’s in the book?

First Rachel shares excuses we should let go of if we want to accomplish our goals. These includes things like I don’t have time, I’m terrified of failure or What will they think? Then she goes over behaviours we need to adopt such as stop asking permission and ask for help. Finally she goes over skills you need to acquire (and how) such as confidence, effectiveness and positivity.

If you just read the table of contents you might say, “”well duh, I know all that.” But when you read the book you realize that she has some real insights you might not have thought of and some real ideas for how to make them work. Reading the book inspired me to evaluate my life and decide if I’m living it the way I want to be. While I do think that we need to think of our family more than she states, I do see how so many women are pushed back and their thoughts and goals aren’t taken into consideration. Whether your goal is to start a multi-million dollar company or just to be a better mom at home with your kids, the book has ideas.

Rachel does talk about some controversial items but I love that she puts the ideas out there while stating that she knows they are controversial but she doesn’t care if someone gets offended because that’s about them, and doesn’t affect her. I may be saying this wrong, I don’t mean she doesn’t care about her readers, just that she puts what is important to her first, despite what others may think or say.

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HarperCollins Focus

Girl, Stop Apologizing

A shame-free plan for embracing and achieving your goals.

by Rachel Hollis

  • On Sale: 2019-03-05

Price: $14.99

  • Apple Books
  • Barnes & Noble
  • Google Play
  • Book Overview
  • Author Info

Book Summary

Bestselling author of Girl, Wash Your Face and founder of TheChicSite.com Rachel Hollis urges women to stop apologizing for their desires, hopes, and dreams and instead to go after them with passion and confidence.

About the Book

Rachel Hollis points out the pitfalls, challenges, and excuses that stop us from achieving our aspirations.

Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: Women not living into their full potential. They feel a tugging on their hearts for something more, but they’re afraid of embarrassment, of falling short of perfection, of not being enough.

In  Girl, Stop Apologizing , #1  New York Times  bestselling author and founder of a multimillion-dollar media company Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want.

In this book, Hollis helps you to:

  • identify the excuses to let go of,
  • the behaviors to adopt,
  • And the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself.

Hollis shares stories and principles with raw honesty that inspires her readers to discover and take the practical steps that will put them on a lifelong path of personal growth.

Girl, Stop Apologizing  is the life- changing guide you need to dump your excuses, embrace your dreams, set boundaries, and gain real confidence in life.

'Girl, Stop Apologizing is an unflinchingly relatable manifesto that is as unapologetic as it gets. Each chapter is an espresso shot that kickstarts your 'can-do-itude' and challenges you to reach further and higher to achieve your goals.' --Arlan Hamilton, founder and managing director of Backstage Capital 'Girl, Stop Apologizing is the life-changing guide (and permission!) we've all needed to dump our excuses, embrace our dreams, set boundaries, and gain real confidence and momentum in life. It's how to overcome a 'lifetime of people pleasing' and start crafting the vibrant, authentic life you deserve. This is a must-read for taking your destiny into your own hands. I loved every page!' --Brendon Burchard, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Millionaire Messenger, The Motivation Manifesto, and High Performance Habits 'Rachel Hollis is a force of inspiration who is impacting the world on a massive level. Her unapologetic message of self-worth will continue to transform lives for many decades to come.' --Trent Shelton, author, motivational speaker, and founder and CEO of RehabTime 'Rachel Hollis is a live-out-loud leader with a heart for helping women tenaciously chase their purpose and dreams without apology. Rachel's ability to share stories and principles with raw honesty inspires her readers to discover and take the practical steps that will put them on a lifelong path of personal growth.' --Dr. John C. Maxwell, author and leadership expert 'Rachel is the leader in modern-day personal development for a reason. Her authenticity, vulnerability, and experience separate her from everyone else. She just knows how to 'get real' in a way that is unapologetically Rachel.' --Ed Mylett, entrepreneur, personal development coach, speaker and host of the Ed Mylett Show podcast 'Rachel is the modern-day Oprah and female Tony Robbins! She provides a safe place for women to dream big and believe in themselves, while also giving the tough love all great moms give to their kids to take ownership of their life and providing the keys to succeed. Rachel is raw, real, and full of life. She combines emotion, humor, and straight-talk to make all of us believe and see how we can have the life we want if we've invested the time and learned how to get there. Get this book and stop apologizing!' --Lewis Howes, New York Times bestselling author and host of The School of Greatness 'Rarely does a follow-up book surpass the first, yet in Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel blows everything out of the water. She's your wise sister, doling out insightful, on-point advice that literally has the power to change your life.' --Courtney Cole, New York Times bestselling author 'Reading Girl, Stop Apologizing is like sitting down with a best friend who can speak deeply into the dark places you've been trying to hide and shines a light on them. Rachel has the ability to help you silence your inner mean girl while encouraging you to believe that you truly can change and become the woman you've always envisioned yourself to be. Rachel's gift is in giving you permission to not feel alone or ashamed of where you've been, while also giving you hope and a plan for what's ahead of you. Her voice in my ear has been a guiding light to pursue greatness and more for this one life I am living.' --Jenna Kutcher, photographer, podcaster, educator, and host of The Goal Digger Podcast 'Though energy-evoking, motivation alone isn't enough to actually move the needle in your life. Rachel Hollis gets this at the deepest level possible. Girl, Stop Apologizing is a true masterpiece that combines heartfelt inspiration with the perfect mix of tools and a framework that can allow you to effectively adopt new behaviors and skills in your life that create real and lasting change.' --Dean Graziosi, New York Times bestselling author, entrepreneur, and investor 'Ever felt stuck? Ever struggled to make time for your dreams--or struggled even to admit those dreams to yourself? In Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel Hollis points out the pitfalls, challenges, and excuses that stop us from achieving our aims. She speaks with refreshing (and often hilarious) candor about her own experiences and mistakes, and offers concrete advice about how to create the lives we want.' --Gretchen Rubin, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project 'It's time to truly embrace your greatness, and there is no better rally cry than Girl, Stop Apologizing. Unapologetic herself, Rachel is the fearless girlfriend you need to help you leap into the bold unknown and fulfill that big audacious goal you have been waiting to achieve. And that's a movement I'm thrilled to be a part of.' --Amy Porterfield, online marketing expert

Product Details

  • ISBN: 9781400209613
  • ISBN 10: 1400209617
  • Imprint: HarperCollins Leadership
  • List Price: $14.99
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Leadership
  • Publication Date: 2019-03-05
  • Category 1 : BUSINESS & ECONOMICS / Women in Business
  • Category 2 : SELF-HELP / Motivational & Inspirational
  • Category 3 : SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Success
  • Category 4 : BUSINESS & ECONOMICS / Motivational
  • Category 5 : BUSINESS & ECONOMICS / Personal Success

Rachel Hollis

Rachel Hollis

book review girl stop apologizing

Girl, Stop Apologizing

A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals

Rachel Hollis | 4.28 | 47,075 ratings and reviews

Ranked #41 in St. Paul , Ranked #86 in Motivational — see more rankings .

Rankings by Category

Girl, Stop Apologizing is ranked in the following categories:

  • #88 in 2019
  • #97 in Adulting
  • #98 in Personal Development
  • #88 in Self-Love

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“Girl, Stop Apologizing” Review – a book by Rachel Hollis

“Girl, Stop Apologizing” Review – a book by Rachel Hollis

I got an advance reader’s copy of this book, and I can’t wait to dive into my “Girl, Stop Apologizing” Review! It’s the latest book from Rachel Hollis, the #1 New York Time Bestseller author of “Girl, Wash Your Face.”

Rachel Hollis first came into my periphery about 8 months ago. I kept hearing mentions of this book, “Girl, Wash Your Face.” So eventually, as I always do after I repeatedly keep getting told the same thing, I decided to read the book. Ok, let’s be honest, I totally listened to it on Audible. Same thing, right?

Since Rachel has a bubbly, uplifting, and energetic personality, having her read her book to me added another dimension that I loved!

My bottom line breakdown of “Girl, Stop Apologizing” for those of you that want the cliff notes version is this: if you either have a huge dream or want to figure out it’s possible for you to, then you also want tangible strategies to MAKE IT HAPPEN, this book is for you!

Order it here on Amazon or Audible ! Never tried Audible? Click here to start a FREE trial AND get two FREE Audiobooks! You will LOVE it!

Before You Begin…

When you search for “Girl, Stop Apologizing” on Google, one of the other suggested searches (meaning it has been searched a LOT) is “Girl, Stop Apologizing Christian Review.” 😂 Apparently what the people want is a review of “Girl, Stop Apologizing” from a Christian perspective.

You can consider this my “Girl, Stop Apologizing” Christian Review below 🙂

Rachel Hollis is a self proclaimed Christian. She believes in Jesus Christ. Her books are published by Harper Collins, a Christian Publisher.

Because of those facts, you might assume is that her books are laden with Jesus and Bible verses. If that’s your expectation, you will be disappointed. Point blank.

I’ve read many not-so-positive reviews of her first book “Girl, Wash Your Face” and this book, “Girl, Stop Apologizing.” Most of the complaints I’ve seen would have been completely avoided if the reader/ reviewer changed their mindset and expectations before diving in…

Even though I am a Christian, I love reading both traditionally Christian books and books that fall into the “self-help” category like “Girl, Stop Apologizing.” So I’m completely used to reading books without much mention of God or Jesus… I believe that Truth is Truth is Truth no matter who presents it or what they believe. Sure, I read lots of books that have chunks that I don’t agree with. The reason I continue to read them is that they also have tons of Truth in them, and usually presented from a non-Christian perspective that I’ve never considered before. Reading these types of books has definitely opened my mind up and changed me as a human.

If you’re NOT used to self-help-type books or have never read one, then guess what? This will be your first!

If you go into your reading of “Girl, Stop Apologizing” with the expectation that Rachel will help you discover a dream and accomplish it, I think you will be absolutely delighted!

Girl Stop Apologizing Review Christian

My “Girl, Stop Apologizing” Review

“i’ve got a dream”.

Have you seen the Disney movie “Tangled” about Rapunzel? She meets a bunch of burly, and slightly scary, men in a pub, and convinces them all to have a dream. Watch a video clip of the song “I Have a Dream” here .

Apparently, some women don’t have dreams for their lives. They’re busy living the day to day, nose to the ground, without taking a second to look up and think about what THEY want.

Rachel mentions she heard that after one of her RISE conferences: one woman said it had never occurred to her before that she, too, could have a dream and work toward making it a reality.

It made Rachel heartbroken, and I’m not going to lie, I was, too.

The introduction boils down to an argument of why you SHOULD have dreams for yourself!

This is the part where it gets really “Tangled.” In that song “I have a dream,” the men dream up everything from being a concert pianist, to falling in love, to being a florist or interior designer…

It really don’t matter WHAT your dream is. Rachel’s examples? A third-grade teacher, dog-grooming studio owner, or save up for a lavish vacation.

The important, bottom line here is that you CAN have a dream and #goals.

What stops us from even having dreams?!

People pleasing.

I can totally relate to this, as I think nearly every woman can! Rachel says “Like many other women, I’m still in the process of overcoming a lifetime of people-pleasing. I constantly strive to move through every part of my life, unconcerned with the opinions of others, but truthfully, I don’t always achieve it.” (Introduction p. XIII)

Rather than attempting to do things and be someone for other people, Rachel challenges you to look inward . Ask yourself: What do I really want?!

“Embracing the idea that you can want things for yourself even if nobody else understands the whys behind them is the most freeing and powerful thing in the world.” (Introduction p. XIII)

Aren’t we fearful of SO many things?! “Women are especially brutal on themselves, and they often talk themselves out of their own dream before they even attempt them… There is so much untrapped potential inside people who are too afraid to give themselves a chance.” (Introduction p. XIV)

We’re afraid of our dreams.

We’re afraid of ourselves: “If we weren’t afraid of ourselves we wouldn’t spend so much time apologizing constantly for who we are, what we want out of life, and the time required for us to pursue both.” (Introduction p. XVII)

We’re afraid of others’ judgment: “We’ve got to stop living in fear of being judged for who we are.” (Introduction p. XVI)

Expectations

Other people’s expectations for us and our lives can stop us from doing the things we really want to do! “Have you ever considered how much of your current life is truly made up of your choices and which areas are really just the things that were expected of you?” (Introduction p. XIX)

Misplaced Value

A lot of women in this world struggle with a misplacement of their value.

We tend to think that WHAT we do is what is valuable about our lives “…I was raised thinking that my real value was based on the role I would play for other people.” (Introduction p. XX)

As Rachel says, ” If you live your life to please everyone else, you forget what used to make you, you .” (Introduction, p. XX).

book review girl stop apologizing

Now that you have a dream, how do you achieve it?

“Girl, Stop Apologizing” is broken up SO intuitively and it makes my over-organized self SO happy.

It is broken up into 3 Parts:

  • 1: Excuses to Let Go Of
  • 2: Behaviors to Adopt
  • 3: Skills to Acquire

You can see just from this outline above how self-help and practical this book is! Rachel is a food blogger turned wedding planner turned blogger turned writer. She’s not necessarily sharing professionally research-proven novel ideas here.

What she’s doing is sharing what SHE has done that has WORKED in her life.

We have plenty of excuses in our lives that hold us back from achieving our dreams. Some of those Rachel walks through are “I Don’t Have Time,” “I Can’t Pursue My Dream and Still be a Good Mom,” and “I’m Terrified of Failure.”

Any of these sound familiar?

She super practically walks through each excuse and rejects it. Then she provides you with the combatting truth. For each of these excuses (almost all of which I’ve made before), I was fully emboldened by the end of each chapter!

You don’t have time? You make time for the things that are most important to you.

Don’t think you can be a badass at your job AND be a killer mom? Work-life balance is a myth: “Figuring out how to juggle all the parts of your life in a healthy way is a scale that slides back and forth.” (p. 47)

The “Behaviors to Adopt” and “Skills to Acquire” chapters are tangible things you can do to accomplish your goals.

I don’t want to reveal too much of this amazing book!!

I’ll leave you again with my bottom line for “Girl, Stop Apologizing” : if you either have a huge dream or want to figure out it’s possible for you to, then you also want tangible strategies to MAKE IT HAPPEN, this book is for you!

Have you read “Girl, Wash Your Face” or “Girl, Stop Apologizing” ? I would LOVE to know what you think! Tell me below in the comments!

Also, be sure to head to my Instagram for a Giveaway of “Girl, Stop Apologizing” ! To read other book reviews, click here .

Want to save this “Girl, Stop Apologizing” Review for later? Pin it here!

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About The Author

Caroline Fausel

Caroline Fausel

21 comments.

Megan

I cannot wait to read this book! Your review makes me even more excited to get my hands on it!

Lindsay Whitehead

Awesome review! Ordering my copy now!!! Thanks for such a great review!

Danielle

Definitely adding to my reading list!

Jessika

Thank you for the distinction between personal development books and theology! I appreciate your stunning review and I’m so looking forward to reading it for myself because I LOVED “Girl, Wash Your Face!”

Alyssa Morrin

Thank you for the review! I was on the fence about this book, but now think it’s worth a read ????

Mallory

I can’t wait to get my copy this weekend!

Alison Russ

As a Christian woman, I read “Girl, Wash Your Face” and loved it! I cannot wait to read this one! So excited!

Jessy carlisle

I am listening to “girl wash your face” right now and I love it! Can’t wait to read this too!

Shanie

Thanks for such a great review! Can’t wait to read it!

Emily

Wonderful review! This book definitely sounds like it will help me tremendously! Thank you!

Annie Chopra

This honestly sounds like a really great book. Thanks for the awesome review!!

Jordan

I am so excited to dive into this one also! She is so wise and hilarious, so I can’t wait to see what she has in store for this one!

Victoria Rife

I can’t wait to read this!! Girl wash your face was amazing. I just know this is going to be also.

Amy

Would love this for a summer read!!!

Cynthia

Such an in-depth review. Getting the audible with my points this month.

Becky Hopke

Thank you for this amazing review! As a Christian, I’ve been defending “Girl, Wash Your Face” ever since I read it. Not every “Christian” author has to be laden with scriptures to preach truth into our hearts and I’m so grateful for Rachel’s truths. I can’t wait to read this!

Allison Culver

This review has confirmed how great this book is supposed to be! Can’t wait to read! 🙂

Naomi

I love an opened mind and with that the confidence from those who are constantly learning and growing. I had heard that ” negative christian review ” and immediately wondered if it was a matter of perception. I have much to learn as a person, mom, wife, dreamer and am very excited to read both of her books!

Heather

This is a great review! I read Girl, Wash Your Face and LOVE IT. Hoping to get this on too! ????????????

Lynn

I really enjoyed this books and am glad it is being said, again. I do wish that we would grasp the fact that this is not a just women’s issue but a men’s issue as well. So hey, it is a people issue for all of us to allow people to be what they need to be. Sons, brothers, husbands and fathers struggle with these issues as well as women and can be just as damaged by not following their inner specialist.

Caroline Fausel

100%! It’s for everyone!! Thanks for your comment.

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Caroline Fausel has always loved nutrition. After many bouts of vegetarianism, she and her husband found the Paleo lifestyle. After making the transition, they never felt better! Now with a better understanding of what makes us healthier, Caroline creates recipes for those striving to eat clean.

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Girl Stop Apologizing – Book Review

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Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis Published by: Harper Collins Leadership Publish Date: 2019 Genre(s): Nonfiction, Self Help, Contemporary, Christian HB&W Rating: 4 View on Goodreads Buy on Amazon , Barnes & Noble , Book Depository

“I believe we  can  change the world. But first, we’ve got to stop living in fear of being judged for who we are.”

Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: women not living into their full potential. They feel a tugging on their hearts for something more, but they’re afraid of embarrassment, of falling short of perfection, of not being enough.

In  Girl, Stop Apologizing , #1  New York Times  bestselling author and founder of a multimillion-dollar media company, Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want. With a challenge to women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams, Hollis identifies the excuses to let go of, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself.

Synopsis source: Goodreads

As soon as I finished listening to the audio book version of Girl, Wash Your Face (henceforth referred to as GWYF), I turned right around and listened to it again. After that, I immediately went to my library’s website to put a hold on her follow up book, Girl, Stop Apologizing. SIX. MONTHS. LATER. I finally got my hands on it.

First, I want to say that there are serious pros and cons to listening to these books on audio. On the one hand, you want to be able to highlight passages that you aren’t able to do if you’re listening to the audio version, but on the other hand, you just can’t beat the energy that comes across in the audio version, which is read by Rachel herself. My recommendation: listen to the audio version, then go back and read a written version.

Just like GWYF, there is a lot of wisdom and actionable advice in this book, told in the same no-nonsense, listen-up girlfriend kind of way. This time around, I was so much more prepared for the book and I actually treated this book like I would a college course book, taking copious notes (11 pages), marking down specific passages that spoke to me, and thinking about how I could actionably apply her advice to my own life. Then, once again, just like GWYF, as soon as I finished it, I read it again.

She breaks up this book into sections: Excuses To Let Go Of, Behaviors To Adopt, and Skills To Acquire.

In Excuses To Let Go Of, Hollis works to point out both the obvious and the sometimes unconscious ways we talk ourselves out of going after our goals. Whether it is breaking the cycle of self-recrimination or letting go of the guilt associated with going against the culturally propagated ideal that a woman is only as good as what she can do for others (mother, wife, daughter, volunteer, cook, housekeeper, and so on), Hollis brings to light all the ways we talk ourselves out of becoming our best selves.

There is a big difference between gratitude for your life and blind acceptance of whatever comes your way.

Once we are made aware of the pitfalls and problems we face, Hollis outlines several behaviors she adopted that helped her get where she is. While each person’s individual goal may be different than hers, the behaviors she advises us to adopt can still be applied.

Grown-up women don’t ask permission. There is absolutely a way to be your own person while also being part of a great relationship with someone else. It is absolutely possible to manage your priorities, your responsibilities, and your personal desires in a way that stays true to you and the people you love. It happens when you stop asking permission to be yourself.

Lastly, she recommends several good habits to develop in her Skills To Acquire section. These items are actionable habits you can put into effect in your own life immediately. From planning how you use your time to developing and maintaining confidence in yourself and your abilities, to keeping a positive attitude and more, Hollis shows us how she developed these skills herself with the attitude that you can do anything for 30 days, and after that, it is more or less a habit.

While I loved this book and appreciated its practical application to my own life, sometimes the author comes across a little bit unrelatable due to her wealth and position, and she also occasionally comes across a little preachy, which almost always without fail rubs me the wrong way…but that says more about me than her. Regardless of the fact that it rubbed me wrong, it also is part of her persona, and it works for a lot of people, so that’s okay.

The only thing I would add is that there is also a lot of tough love talk that is of course (and she even admits it on a couple of occasions) NOT for everyone. If you are a new mom or on-call doctor with late and unpredictable hours, getting little or no sleep, she admits that she is NOT telling YOU to get up earlier. So it goes with most of her advice. Take it with a grain of salt and in the context it was given. It isn’t gospel, and it isn’t the same across the board. Take what you can use from the book and move on, and ultimately remember the flow chart of Other People’s Opinions and how they should weigh in on your life…don’t worry about it.

Out of everything I read and took to heart in this book, there was one analogy that she explained that resonated with me on so many levels, not just for myself, but for other women I know and care about: the glass vase.

Imagine that you are a glass vase and you’re standing up tall, and someone is pouring water into you. That water is everything you could possibly need to survive. So you, as the glass vase, are filled with life and energy and nutrients and love and joy—all the good things. But we women often don’t think about ourselves as much as we worry about everyone else, so we try and lean over. We tip our vases forward and backward and side to side so that the good things we’re receiving will spill out to those around us. We give some to our children, or our coworkers, or our parents, or our friends. We keep tipping ourselves over. We tip it a little bit here, we spill a little bit there, and eventually…the vase falls over and breaks into a thousand pieces. We spend so much effort trying to take care of others that we destroy ourselves in the process. But here’s the incredible thing. If you’re a vase and you just stand up tall and proud on a firm foundation, if you just take in all the things that are being poured into you, what will eventually happen to the water in the vase? It will overflow and spill out to everyone around you.

There are plenty of reasons to be an example for young girls, but it’s equally important (in my opinion) to be an example for our young boys. There are plenty of examples of strong, confident, high-achieving men in the world, and the world opens up for our boys as they grow into men in a way that it doesn’t yet for girls. This is precisely why it is so important to show our children examples of women with those qualities, so that we break the cycle and introduce them to a generation where we assume these qualities are based on hard work and not gender.

Ultimately, this book is a positive example of how we women can strive to improve ourselves and in so doing let our light shine for others, but only if we believe that we are worthy and stop apologizing for being ourselves.

I hope you enjoyed this review! Subscribe to the blog for more! Not all of my reviews make it to the blog, so be sure to also follow me on Goodreads so you don’t miss any books!

Until next time, happy reading!

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Chantal Collin

Excellent review. I was wondering whether I should purchase the audio version of this book and you convinced me that I should. I will follow your lead and start with GWYF followed by Girl Stop Apologizing. Thank you.

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Hooks Books & Wanderlust

Yay! I’m glad the review helped you. 🙂 You’ll have to let me know what you think!

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Let's Digress

Let's Digress

Book Review: Girl, Stop Apologizing

book review girl stop apologizing

I just finished reading Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis.

As an empty calorie style self-help book, it wasn’t the worst. As a God-centered character development book, it had a huge amount of questionable content. For a much more wholesome review, I suggest reading this one from The Gospel Coalition .

I read and reviewed Hollis’ first book, Girl, Wash Your Face a while back. This new book was much of the same. To recap my position from the last one: it would’ve been just fine and dandy and shallow if she had left Jesus out of it, but she didn’t. She dragged Jesus into it and messed a bunch of things up. Seriously. For my review of Girl, Wash Your Face , click here . For a better review of it from Alisa Childers, click here .

Hollis did it again, but differently. It’s as if Tony Robbins, Gary Vee, and Joel Osteen all melded together into the body of a moderately attractive female with an affinity for Instagram, party planning, and self-centered affirmations and then published a book. 

Hollis talks a lot in this book about her Instagram feed and her various other social media platforms. I actually looked up her Instagram page. Do you know what I found? An incredibly likable, persuasive, successful woman with a functional looking family. Her books also heavily project this, primarily because she talks incessantly about how successful and likable and relatable she is.

Her likability and relatability are part of the issue with this self-centered ideology she champions. Studies show that, generally, we’re more likely to trust and follow the advise of famous/successful/good-looking people. Hollis’ social media feeds have all of these qualities.

It’s because of these qualities that this ideology is so hard to speak out against. It’s incredibly difficult to say, “No, this is wrong” to someone we find likable and relatable. Hollis repeatedly refers to herself in the book as “Your friend, Rachel.” That kind of positioning makes it substantially more difficult to objectively read any book with a critically thinking mindset, which is how all of us should read any book in which someone is telling us how to improve or change our lives.

Before I dive in to the plethora of questionable content, let me address the good stuff in the book. 

Over and over and over and over again, Hollis pleads for us to acknowledge our wants, desires, dreams, wishes, hopes, etc. It is healthy for us to know what we want, hope, and dream to have. If it’s what we should want, hope, or dream for is a different question altogether. But the starting point of owning our desires and whatnot is good. 

She repeatedly beckons for us to be take responsibility for ourselves and to own the fact that we are in control of our behaviors. No blaming others for what we do or shirking responsibility for how we act. We are responsible for how we conduct ourselves. This is also good. 

Hollis also challenges us to form healthy habits and to become organized. Exercising, drinking more water, and having a solid routine are all good, functional things.

Unfortunately, that’s about where my agreement ends. Let’s start at the beginning. 

“…when you understand that you don’t have to justify your dreams to anyone else for any reason, that’s the day you truly begin to step into who you’re meant to be…you focus in on the dream you have, you do the work, you put in the hours, and you stop feeling guilty about it!” Page xii

Firstly, not every dream should be pursued. Secondly, assuming it’s a worthwhile dream, not every dream can be pursued when you’re married or have kids. When you have a spouse or kids or both, sometimes your dreams need to be put on hold because there are other more important things, like the spouse and/or kids. More on that later. 

“But first, we’ve got to stop living in fear of being judged for who we are.” Page xiv

Hollis uses the word “judging” to mean more of condemning behavior than just forming opinions based on evidence, like how the dictionary defines it. Judging is a good thing; it’s helps us determine what is right and what is wrong. Condemning is a separate act from judging. We’re not to condemn others. Judging is fine.  

Also, sometimes we should be in fear of being looked upon poorly by others. We’re all profoundly broken people; not everything we do is always good and not all parts of us are 100% beautiful all the time. This type of thinking only aids the ideology that everything about everyone is always acceptable no matter what. Trust me, that’s very far from the truth. Just look at R. Kelly, Michael Jackson, or Jared Fogle.

“What am I willing to give up in order to get it? That’s what it boils down to. Not whether or not you have the time, but whether this goal you have is so compelling, so beautiful, so necessary to your future happiness that you’re willing to trade your current comfort in order to achieve it.” Page 23

In this section, Hollis is talking about radically sacrificing things in order to follow her dreams to increase her happiness. She boasts about cutting back family time, parenting responsibilities, spousal quality time, and other adult responsibilities just to make herself happier. This continues throughout the entire book. At one point Hollis says that she did it so her children could see what a successful woman looks like and so her husband would have someone to respect. She portrays this radical selfishness as profound self less ness. 

How can you tell if it’s self less or self ish ? Because Hollis says she’s doing it because it’s what’s right for her and her happiness. 

“You are enough. Today. As you are. Stop beating yourself up for being on the beginning side of yet, no matter what age you are. Yet is your potential. Yet is a promise. Yet is what keeps you moving forward. Yet is a gift, and you are enough to get to the other side of it.” Page 36

This is another common theme in the book. You being enough and everything you need to succeed is already within you . From a biblical perspective, that’s a load of penguin crap. 

She talks about God and her faith and says some Jesusy words, but none of it actually lines up with biblical principals. Seriously, has she not read anything in Psalms or any other book from the Bible for that matter? One of the huge, and I mean huge, themes of Christianity is that we’re not good enough by ourselves, which is why we desperately need a different, better source for help. And that ain’t us.

“After all, their happiness matters more than yours does, right? They matter more than you do. The only way to be a good mother, daughter, sister, friend, or whatever is to show up for the other parties exactly how they want you to, when they want you to, right? Ladies, you get one chance at this—literally only one chance at this life—and you have no idea when your chance might be over. You cannot waste it living only for everyone else. I don’t mean that you should be wholly selfish. I don’t mean that you should assume life is only about you and what makes you happy. Part of being in a family or a relationship or a community means showing up for others. The problem is that most women I know don’t struggle to show up for others; they struggle to show up for themselves.” Page 42

She says that part of being in a family/relationship/community means showing up for others, but this passage is legitimately one of the few times in the entire book where she mentions that sometimes other people come first. Needless to say, I’m not convinced that this is actually sincere, given the overarching theme of the book. 

There is also something to be said here about the selfishness that is inherently anti-biblical. Last time I read stuff in the Bible, it was quite fond of the idea of selflessness and self-sacrifice and putting others before oneself as an expected behavior.

“I don’t care what religion you were raised in. You weren’t taught guilt and shame by your creator. You were taught guilt and shame by people. That means whatever your people thought was shameful is what you learned to be ashamed of. Whatever your family or the influential people in your life thought was something to feel guilty about is what you have guilt about now.” Page 49

Guilt is biblical. So is anger. And just like anger, our guilt function can malfunction. When the anger function isn’t working properly, it can wreak havoc and mess up a lot of things; it’s the same way with guilt. When the guilt function is working like it should, it tells us when something is wrong, or to be more specific, when we did something wrong. God uses guilt to help us grow. So yes, it is something from the Creator. (Se e 2 Corinthians 7: 10.) Also, thi s is a nice article to help explain some guilt stuff . 

Shame is also a good thing when we do something shameful. Let’s go back to R. Kelly, Michael Jackson, and Jared Fogle: They did a lot of bad, awful things. Things they should be ashamed of. If their guilt and shame functions were functioning properly, perhaps they would’ve been more repentant of their shameful acts. If they were shamed more when their behaviors started to manifest, perhaps it could’ve prevented things from becoming worse. 

“So I don’t put the laptop away. I remind myself that this is part of the deal, that these boys of mine will always know what hard work and dedication look like. I remind myself that someday when they’re grown men it will never occur to them that a woman can’t start and build and run a successful company, because that was always part of their reality.” Pages 68-69

Here Hollis is talking about not putting her laptop away at her kids’ karate practice. I get it, people have to work sometimes. But Hollis talks about this being a consistent behavior. She says that it’s so her kids will know what a successful woman looks like, but given the theme of the entire book, that seems to be another thin veneer for selfishness. 

“Let me say it again: this behavior doesn’t have a place in your life. I don’t care if it’s coming from your sister or your mom or your boyfriend. Nobody deserves verbal and mental abuse, and every time you allow it to happen you’re giving that person permission to treat you that way. You are not required to put up with it just because you always have. To recap, we’ve got two kinds of negative substantiated opinions. The first comes from a place of love, so you’re going to be a grown-up and consider it but not accept it as gospel truth unless it feels right to you . The second isn’t meant to be helpful but destructive, and therefore you should reject it.” Page 74, emphasis mine

I agree! Verbal and mental abuse are awful and bad and we shouldn’t put up with legitimate abuse from others. 

The part I want to focus on here is that emphasized sentence. Hollis said earlier in the book that our perception is reality , which is correct. But what if our perception is wrong? Then what? And if our perception is wrong and if that loving, accurate opinion doesn’t feel right to us, then are we just supposed to eject that person from our lives? Yes. That’s what she eventually goes on to say. 

Interestingly enough, if she would have more of a God-oriented and biblical outlook, then we should constantly be trying to align our perception with God’s and what he wants. Not what we want and what we think will give us the most happiness. It’s much harder to kick good, loving people from our lives when we’re being jerks or when we have bad behavior if we all have a God and biblical-oriented disposition.

“I’m a hustler, baby. —JAY-Z” Page 76

She literally used a Jay-Z song to open a chapter. A few paragraphs later she explains why: “So I’m bringing in Jay-Z lyrics just for my gals who are chasing down a dream, who want something more and aren’t afraid of hard work and audacious goals!”

Can you guess what the lyrics of that song are? They’re awful. Essentially, Mr. Z is attempting to get a woman, or women, into bed with him and he’s trying to lure her/them into that bed by buying her/them stuff. But much more graphically. Since this is a relatively family-friendly website, I’m not going to post the lyrics. But you can read them for yourself here. 

I really hope that by “audacious goals,” Ms. Hollis doesn’t mean that women should be encouraged to get into bed with men who buy them things. Regardless, using lyrics from that song to motivate women to work hard for success and whatnot seems kind of…bad. 

“…someday I would be rich. I’m not supposed to say that, I know. Social media is filled with hundreds of male CEOs and self-made entrepreneurs who tout the power of wealth and the justification for achieving it. But, if you’re a woman, it’s frowned upon. It’s impolite. It’s not something good girls do.” Page 78

I’m not sure who she’s been talking to, but pretty much everyone I have ever talked to about successful women do not care if a woman is rich and/or successful. This section of the book almost reads like she’s trying to make a non-issue a scandalous thing. Really, it’s 2019. Come on. Successful and wealthy women isn’t that rare and no rational person cares that much about it. 

“But, y’all , if I had to stay at home with them full-time, I’m not entirely sure any of us would survive. It’s not my spiritual gifting. It’s not in my wheelhouse.” Page 80

In this section Hollis is talking about how she’s not spiritually gifted with the spiritual gift of parenting. Or motherhood. Or being a stay-at-home-mom. I’m not sure which one, but regardless, they’re all wrong. None of those things are spiritual gifts. And I have never seen or heard of any of them being listed as a biblical spiritual gift. 

Parenthood is an awesome burden and a duty. To label it as a spiritual gift, which it isn’t, and to then say that because it isn’t your spiritual gift you can justify shirking off some of that responsibility is incredibly selfish. 

Two pages later, Hollis states, “Hustle is my love language.”

Does she mean hustle like the Jay-Z song? If so, that’s über questionable. I read The 5 Love Languages. Hustle isn’t one of them. Honestly, it sounds like it’s just another excuse to be selfish. 

“Heck, it doesn’t matter what your family, your closest friends, or your spouse think about your dreams either. All that really matters is how badly you want those dreams and what you’re willing to do to make them happen.” Page 83

I’m married to a super driven woman, so I think I’m especially qualified to have an opinion on this one: This is super selfish. It absolutely does matter what your spouse thinks about your dreams. When you hitch your wagon to another person, they are no longer just your dreams; they become our dreams. That whole “two becoming one” thing from ye olden Bible isn’t just referring to sex. It’s two people melding into one in all aspects of life, at least when it’s functional and healthy and God-centered. 

“You’re allowed to take time away from your kids, even if it’s an inconvenience to the person who has to watch them. You’re allowed to do something, even if it makes your partner uncomfortable.” Page 91

Firstly, selfish. 

Secondly, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to get consent from your partner before you do things that will make them uncomfortable, at least in some contexts. 

Thirdly, even in other contexts, you’re supposed to communicate with your partner about things that will make them uncomfortable! Discussion. Communication. Self-sacrificing. Placing their needs above your own and vice versa.

Fourthly, seriously. 

“The list of dreams is how that future vision manifests for you.” Page 100

Hollis challenges us to do some vision boarding, which is where we write our dreams and things on a board and if we focus on the vision board and those things on that board, then they’ll manifest themselves because of our thoughts and our attention to them becoming reality.

I won’t get into the vision board stuff too deeply here. I did write an article about it a while back, so you can read that here if you are so inclined. 

But the short story is, from a biblical worldview, vision boards don’t work. Nor are they compatible with the Christian ideology. 

“Here’s the thing, though. My priorities are super straight. Here they are: ​ Myself , my personal growth, and my faith.” Page 147

According to everything biblically accurate I have ever read about Hollis’ faith, which she claims is Christianity, her priorities are out of whack. You are last, God is first. The other stuff is shuffled somewhere in the middle, but from my understanding of the Jesus stuff, a central tenant of Christianity is following Jesus first, which means putting others before yourself pretty much all the time. 

“ Like Lady Gaga says, baby, you were born this way. It’s not your job to make yourself fit into anyone else’s ideal.” Page 210

Lady Gaga? Really? The lyrics to this song are genuinely awful. And pretty antithetical to the God stuff. 

Also, who counts as “anyone else?” Does Jesus count as anyone else? He had quite a bit to say about what ideals we should fit into and imitate, namely, his. 

Yes, Hollis’ family may be relatively functional and healthy. Yes, she’s incredibly likable and relatable and seems to genuinely believe the ideology she talks about so voraciously. 

But it’s still selfish. It’s still incredibly self-centered. It’s still wrong. It’s still petty. It’s still focused on primarily solving middle-class-related problems (money, success, superficial happiness). And it’s still completely contrary to the biblical principles that she rips out of context over and over and over. 

Hollis being likable and relatable while spreading this inherently selfish ideology is what makes it so insidious. It’s insidious because this radically selfish belief system is presented so innocently and so lovingly. This self-serving ideological beverage Hollis is serving to thousands and thousands of people is incredibly sweet and satisfying. But it isn’t just kool-aid on a hot summer day; it’s emotional antifreeze. 

It’s also worth noting that happiness and joy are two completely different things. We’re not always going to be happy. We should not always be happy. Happiness is an emotion and emotions are fickle. 

However, we should always be joyful. Joyfulness is a struggle for everyone at times, and it’s totally possible to be unhappy and joyful simultaneously. Joyfulness is an outlook on life. From what I gather, it’s much more fulfilling than happiness. 

Below is a clip from the John Adams miniseries about joy. This has long been on of my favorite clips to watch.

Wanna be joyful? Take a few pointers from John Adams.

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Marlo Yonocruz

Books, Entertainment, Self-Improvement & Big Ideas

Book notes: Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis book summary review and key ideas.

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals by Rachel Hollis

book review girl stop apologizing

“‘ I believe we can change the world. But first, we’ve got to stop living in fear of being judged for who we are. ‘

Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: women allowing their lives to pass them by. They feel a tugging on their hearts for something more, but they’re afraid of embarrassment, of falling short of perfection, of stepping too far outside the norm. Hollis’s energy and passion are undeniable as she powerfully narrates her own words, encouraging women to live up to their full potential and chase their most audacious dreams.

In  Girl, Stop Apologizing , #1  New York Times  best-selling author and founder of a multimillion-dollar media company, Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call and lets listeners in on her personal roadmap for success. She knows many women have been taught to define themselves through other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want. Challenging women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams, Hollis identifies the excuses to discard, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to believing in yourself.”

Opening thoughts:

I had read this author’s other book Girl, Wash Your Face and I really enjoyed it. This was on my wish list for a while, and then a coworker told me she was also reading this book. I decided to pick it up for this month because it seemed like a good complement to the other books I chose.

  • The author says the inspiration for this book was the Demi Lovato song “Sorry, Not Sorry”
  • When you understand you don’t have to justify your dreams to anyone else for any reason, that’s the day you truly begin to step into who you were meant to be
  • Reader’s note : OK so the author is definitely writing this for women because she explicity said so. Which is cool, I know I can benefit from learning insight from a woman’s perspective. I’ll just embrace my feminine side while listening to this book
  • The reason why women spend so much time apologizing who they are, what they want out of life, and the time required for them to pursue both is because they are afraid of themselves
  • To a child, attention equals love
  • Letting go of the excuses that keep you stuck
  • Adapt and great habits and behaviors that set you up for success
  • Acquiring the skills necessary to make exponential growth possible

Part One: Excuses to Let Go Of

Excuse 1: that’s not what other women do.

  • At an early age, we grew up identifying what’s wrong or what’s missing with us in comparison to others
  • Author reference: Brene Brown
  • Most of us have been raised with a massive disparity between the way women should be and the way men should be

Excuse 2: I’m not a goal-oriented person

  • A goal is a dream where you put in the work. Hope is a beautiful thing to keep us motivated and inspired, but hope is not a strategy
  • Having something to work towards gives us a purpose

Excuse 3: I don’t have time

  • This way you can find five hours a week towards your goal , which she calls Five to Strive  
  • Step 2: When something is important, you treat the time allotted to it as sacred 
  • Step 3: make sure your minimum hours are your best hours
  • Step 4: plan your schedule weekly
  • “ If not now, when? ” Became her mantra

Excuse 4: I’m not enough to succeed

  • We have to treat new things like we are a toddler that’s just learning and starting out
  • Focus on what has worked for you in the past, and apply those ideas to this new venture
  • You need to believe in your possibility instead of focusing on the probability
  • Exercise : Write a letter from yourself to yourself about all the things you’ve accomplished and achieved but maybe haven’t given yourself credit for
  • Our feelings of not being enough actually come from internalizing someone else’s opinion

Excuse 5: I can’t pursue my dream and still be a good mom, daughter, employee

  • We are allowed to spend some time on your goal that may take away time from those you care about
  • Work life balance is a hurtful myth because nobody actually achieves it but everyone feels like they need to because everyone else has
  • Centered means you feel grounded and at peace with yourself. It means that you can’t be knocked off balance regardless of how chaotic things become
  • You have to prioritize yourself and make sure you’re centered so that everything else can run smoothly
  • They have a date night once a week and have one annual extravagant vacation with just them two 
  • It likes to remind you on the regular in all of the ways you’re failing your children
  • Mommy guilt isn’t about self-awareness, it is about self-destruction

Excuse 6: I’m terrified of failure

  • Achieving a goal is so much sweeter after you’ve learned and gone through so much failure

Excuse 7: it’s been done before

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is right now Chinese proverb

Excuse 8: what will they think?

  • Non-judgemental people won’t care, and judgemental people will judge anyway so you might as well go for it
  • That is the trade-off when she has to multitask and do mommy responsibilities and juggle work at the same time 
  • Someone else’s opinion of you and what you’re doing is none of your business
  • When you allow it to happen, you are giving that person permission to treat you that way
  • Even those that are, should never be taken as gospel or internalized as truth, but only somewhat considered 
  • Rachel adds “ be very careful you’re not consenting to let your mind make you feel bad when nobody else actually did anything “
  • It only matters what you think of you

Excuse 9: good girls don’t hustle

  • Well behaved women seldom make history

Part Two: Behaviors to Adopt 

Behavior 1: stop asking permission.

  • Your behaviors are a choice, whether consciously or unconsciously
  • Feminist simply means you believe men and women should have equal rights
  • You can be a great person and be in a relationship with someone else
  • It is absolutely possible to manage your priorities and personal desires in a way that stays true to you and the people you love 
  • The people who deserve to be in your life care about who you, the real you, are

Behavior 2: choose one dream and go all in

  • If you only pick one dream , there is no plan B. Burn the boats
  • Having a bunch of ideas means when things get difficult, you can quit and say it wasn’t your dream
  • It’s very possible to grow in multiple areas of your life once you’ve achieved success in one area and established it as a habit
  • Write this down every day to keep yourself focused on these goals
  • What is one goal, one thing you can do that will get you closer to the 10-year version of yourself the fastest ?
  • what are the specifics?
  • how will you measure your progress?
  • She doesn’t like having a time limit on personal goals because she feels like it sets yourself up for failure
  • You need to know your why you want this thing and use it as leverage to motivate yourself when you want to give up

Behavior 3: embrace your ambition

  • It’s never really other peoples ambitions that bother us. It’s our own ambition that feels scary

Behavior 4: ask for help!

  • This toxic myth that a woman has to do it all alone is what holds women back
  • No one is ever truly self-made because it’s impossible to build big things entirely by yourself
  • Stop pretending, faking it, suffering in silence, and setting yourself up as a martyr
  • Stop taking it all on your own and feeling bitter about it

Behavior 5: build foundations for success

Get healthy.

  • Feeling great physically and emotionally is vital to ensuring success
  • Hydration – drink half your body weight in ounces of water every day
  • If you don’t have an hour to spare, you don’t have a life
  • Reader’s note : this reminds me of what I heard Tony Robbins said on a podcast once and it made so much sense
  • Eliminate one type of garbage food, which can include fast food, processed food, or sweets
  • The challenge is truly: can you keep a promise to yourself for a month?
  • Move your body every day – At least 30 minutes every single day, and it doesn’t have to be anything crazy
  • Practice gratitude daily – Every day write down 10 things you’re grateful for
  • Taking care of yourself will give you the energy to pursue your goals

Get Your Personal Space in Order

  • Your home is a reflection of what’s going on in your head and your heart
  • Put some effort into their appearances
  • These things are about self-respect and setting a certain standard for yourself, for your life, and for your children

Build a Great Community

  • You are a combination of the five people you hang out with most
  • If you are the highest achiever and most focus on growth and success in the room, you are in the wrong room

Develop great habits

  • When it comes to success, intensity is not as important as consistency
  • Making a positive change is very simple, but not easy or quick. The problem is the activity want to do, the bad habit, offer is a quicker reward then the thing that is better for you

Establish a Morning Routine

  • If you own day, you own the week

Behavior 6: stop allowing them to talk you out of it

  • People change because they are inspired by someone else’s example, not because they were coerced into doing it
  • Ask yourself if this person should be in your life
  • Prepare before you see them
  • Plan intentionally to make it easier

Behavior 7: learn to say no

  • Every yes to other things is a no to your priorities

Part Three: Skills to Acquire

Skill one: planning.

  • You cannot get to where you want to go if you don’t know where you are
  • Starting at the end is effective in figuring out which direction your path should go
  • Figure out your specific “what” by having a specific “why”
  • After brainstorming, narrow down to 3 major things that will have the greatest impact toward your goal if you achieved them 
  • Ask : what do I need to do to get from my starting point to my first guidepost ?
  • Who you are as defined by the next decision you make, not the last one

Skill 2: confidence

  • Every woman she knows feels more confident when she likes the way she looks
  • Gaining confidence from the way you look
  • It’s about having a personal style
  • When you like the way you look, you’ll love the way you feel
  • How you act
  • If you want to be more confident, hang out with people who are

Skill 3: persistence

  • Don’t compare your beginning with someone else’s middle
  • Truly chasing down a goal change is how you approach life on the whole, forever

Skill 4: Effectiveness

  • Result: what is the end result I’m looking for from this work session?
  • Your daily results list should never be more than five bullet points. Hers is only 2 to 3 typically
  • Knowing the right result to aim for is half the battle 
  • Ask : is there something I could be doing that would make this more efficient?
  • Book reference: The One Thing (I should reread this)
  • You can’t wait for the perfect space to be productive
  • The key is to create an environment that can get you into the zone wherever you happen to be
  • It could be a small cue for your routine, a playlist, the type of gum you chew, the same coffee order
  • Any kind of repetitious cue you can give your brain that it’s time to focus
  • Know what distracts you and avoid that thing
  • Course correct

Skill 5: positivity

  • Attitude and mindset matter so much
  • Reader’s note : This is a good segue into the book Solve For Happy

Skill six: lead-her-ship

  • These leaders are the example that will inspire and create many other female leaders in the world 
  • True leaders are just as excited for your success as their own because they know when one of us does well, all of us come up
  • It’s important for companies who sell to a multi-ethnic and multicultural world works to bring every voice in so that they consider as many perspectives as possible

Conclusion: believe in your dang self!

  • Belief in yourself will give you the strength to get back up again and again
  • In habits, you can’t change your triggers, but you can change the action in response to the trigger
  • In a nutshell, you countdown to five and when you get to one, you teach yourself no matter what it is and how you’re feeling you will do the thing
  • It’s about making yourself do the thing you don’t want to do
  • If you don’t make peace with where are you come from , you’ll never get anywhere
  • But it is possible to find meaning in everything
  • If you only focus on the bad thing, then you lose everything else that came with it  

Main ideas / Themes:

  • Growth is happiness
  • The goal isn’t to be balanced, but centered
  • Any opinion not presented in love should never be considered
  • Don’t let other people’s opinions control your life. It only matters what you think of you.
  • Know your why you want this thing and use it as leverage to motivate yourself when you want to give up
  • Your home is a reflection of what’s going on in your head and your heart. Keep the spaces you can control clean
  • Develop great habits, particularly a morning routine. If you own the morning, then you own the day.
  • If you want to change someone else, change yourself
  • If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no
  • Start at the finish line, establish your 3 guideposts, and figure out your mile-markers
  • Happiness and practicing gratitude is a choice
  • Doubt will kill more dreams than failure ever will
  • Not everything happens for a reason, but it is possible to find meaning in everything

Closing thoughts:

I really enjoyed this book, especially as a great continuation of her last book Girl, Wash Your Face . A lot of great advice for people who want to increase their productivity and achieve their dreams. Rachel does a great job laying out a roadmap for achieving your dreams and true goals.

One thing that I like about this book is her writing style. It’s very transparent and fresh, which I’m sure her fans and followers love about her. She’s very honest and open. I think that’s what makes her so compelling to listen to. She’s simply giving advice on what has worked for her and genuinely wants to help others succeed.

The author also is a great storyteller, which makes the book much easier to digest. Sometimes when it’s all just information, it can be hard to get through. However, this book does a good job balancing practical information and intriguing narrative.

Overall, a great read. If you’re a fan of her work or have read the last book and liked it, you’ll definitely enjoy this one. I also highly recommend this for women who consider themselves ambitious and are looking for other great female role models who give great advice. Rachel is one part entertaining, one part insightful, and one part motivational/inspirational.

One Takeaway / Putting into practice:

There’s a lot of great takeaways from this book. But I think the most significant one for me that I started to utilize is:

  • 10-10-1: What is the ONE goal you can focus on that will get you closer to your 10-year version of yourself the fastest ?

Combining this with her framework of establishing 3 guideposts + multiple mile-markers along the way, I think it’s a great methodology to achieve long-term goals. For me, I’ve established the person and and life I want in 10 years. I also have a handful of large goals, but have narrowed it down to one specific goal to focus on for now.

My next steps are to plan out my guideposts, mile markers, and establish the habits that can get me there.

As a great continuation of her last book, Rachel Hollis gives her readers a clear foundation and roadmap to success.

Similar books:

  • Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis
  • The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
  • Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat
  • The 5-Second Rule by Mel Robbins

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Girl, Stop Apologizing Summary

1-Sentence-Summary: Girl, Stop Apologizing is an inspirational book for women everywhere to start living up to their potential and stop apologizing for following their dreams.

Favorite quote from the author:

Girl, Stop Apologizing Summary

Audio Summary

Listen to the audio of this summary with a free reading.fm account*:

Imagine I have a perfect product to sell to you. One that will solve all of your problems. It has the potential to improve your life and the lives of others. You’d be all for it, right?

What if I told you that product is you? All you need to do is invest, prioritize, and believe in yourself. 

Rachel Hollis has a plan on how to do exactly that. It’s specifically directed to women, though there are a lot of things men can learn too. If you’ve read her best-selling novel, Girl, Wash Your Face , you know Rachel Hollis is a motivational powerhouse for women.  

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals is a little more practical and even more insistent that women shouldn’t give up on self-improvement. Hollis wants women everywhere to know they don’t need to apologize or ask for approval if they don’t line up with traditional roles. 

Whether you have a dream of writing a book or starting your own business, Hollis will help you make it happen.

Here are 3 of the most motivational lessons this book teaches:

  • Women shouldn’t apologize for their desire to be ambitious and do great things. 
  • Stop making excuses for not starting on the path toward achieving your goals. 
  • Intentionally build the habits, skills, and foundation for your success to see your dreams become reality. 

Grab your planner and get your goals ready, this one will have you wanting to press forward with achieving your dreams!

If you want to save this summary for later, download the free PDF and read it whenever you want.

Lesson 1: Having a lot of  ambition to do great things shouldn’t be a reason women have to apologize.

Even in the age of female empowerment and #Metoo, many women continue to neglect what they really want. One reason for this is that people worry about what others think of them.

In toddlerhood, we all learned attention-seeking behaviors-the things we could do that get grownups to pay attention to us. Whether we like it or not, many of our actions are predicated upon how the people around us will respond. 

These factors, along with many girls still being raised to believe their value lies in how good of a wife and mother they’ll be, cause too many women to stop pursuing what they truly want. Or if they do, they feel like they have to apologize for putting themselves first. 

Hollis puts it this way: boys are brought up to follow their dreams while girls are brought up to follow what they think is expected of them. How can women get past this? It’s simple: stop worrying about other people’s expectations.

It’s okay if your dream doesn’t look like someone else’s or doesn’t align with what other women want. Tear down your self-limiting excuses, and start replacing them with empowering behaviors that will help you reach your goals. 

Lesson 2: Moving forward toward achieving your goals starts when you stop making excuses.

It’s a phrase all of us use far too often: “I don’t have time.” That’s why Hollis encourages you to banish the phrase from your mind. If you want to pursue your dreams, you need to make time for them .

Stop looking for free time to start working on your goals and start making time for them. You will have to make sacrifices, that’s for sure. But you’ll be reaping the rewards of your hard work in no time. 

Another common excuse can be that you don’t “have what it takes.” This is another way of saying you are insecure. These feelings usually come from past experiences such as being teased as a kid or failing a test in college.

But don’t let past experiences ruin the success waiting for you in the future. You have the ability to change and improve, all you need is to be willing and eager to learn.

“But what will they think?” is a phrase used to limit ourselves. There are two types of people in the world, those that are judgemental, and those who will encourage you.

The judgmental ones will find reasons to judge you no matter what you do, so you might as well stop worrying about what they think. Don’t be afraid of what people think of you, and most of all don’t be afraid to fail. After all, it is the quickest way to learn, and in the end, failures make your successes more beautiful.

Lesson 3: Learn how to make your dreams turn into a reality with the right habits, skills, and foundation for success.   

Historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich wrote, “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” We can take this to heart today and realize it’s okay to break social norms and embrace your ambition. Hollis has some ways you can increase your chances of success in whatever you set your mind to. 

Her first piece of advice is to stop asking for permission. You are all the authority you need to start fighting for your dreams.

The second piece of advice she has is to focus on one goal at a time. Sometimes we feel like there is less risk when we have many goals and projects at the same time, in case one doesn’t work out.

But the more you spread your efforts and time thin with multiple projects, the less of a chance we have of anything significant coming of it. 

Hollis shares her 10-10-1 plan for goal-setting. Think about you ten years from right now. How do you want your life to look? Think of specifics and write down all the details.

Then think of ten dreams that could make this life possible. Out of those ten dreams, choose the goal most important to you, or the goal that best encompasses all of those dreams to focus on. Write it down in the present tense, as if it has already happened, to make it feel more real.

Make sure your goal is measurable, so instead of “I want to make more money” say something like “I want to have $25,000 in my bank account or more at all times.”

Girl, Stop Apologizing Review

Girl, Stop Apologizing is a really empowering read. Although for me some of the principles don’t ring true, overall this book comes highly recommended. I’m confident this will inspire anyone to stop making excuses, get up, and make their dreams reality!

Who would I recommend the Girl, Stop Apologizing summary to?

The 40-year-old mom with a good business idea who feels afraid to start, the 24-year-old college student who is filled with ambition to reach her goals, and anyone who’d like to be more motivated to succeed.

Last Updated on October 12, 2022

book review girl stop apologizing

Luke Rowley

With over 450 summaries that he contributed to Four Minute Books, first as a part-time writer, then as our full-time Managing Editor until late 2021, Luke is our second-most prolific writer. He's also a professional, licensed engineer, working in the solar industry. Next to his day job, he also runs Goal Engineering, a website dedicated to achieving your goals with a unique, 4-4-4 system. Luke is also a husband, father, 75 Hard finisher, and lover of the outdoors. He lives in Utah with his wife and 3 kids.

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COMMENTS

  1. Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing…

    Rachel's first book, Girl, Wash Your Face, has made headlines and is a #1 New York Times Bestseller. I have not read the first book so I can't compare it to this one, but I found the second book, Girl, Stop Apologizing, very good. Now whether you agree with me or not will depend on your viewpoints.

  2. Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving

    Girl, Stop Apologizing is a true masterpiece that combines heartfelt inspiration with the perfect mix of tools and a framework that can allow you to effectively adopt new behaviors and skills in your life that create real and lasting change.' --Dean Graziosi, New York Times bestselling author, entrepreneur, and investor

  3. Amazon.com: Customer reviews: Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan

    Find helpful customer reviews and review ratings for Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals at Amazon.com. Read honest and unbiased product reviews from our users. ... Her first book Girl, Wash Your Face is a New York Times Bestseller. She has a sold out personal development conference and a successful ...

  4. Girl Stop Apologizing Book Review

    Girl Stop Apologizing debuts. Whereas Girl, Wash Your Face was a book that could appeal to any woman reading it, I feel Girl Stop Apologizing is more of a business development type book. Yes, this book talks overall about what it takes to achieve a goal.

  5. Girl, Follow Jesus

    Her first self-help book, Girl, Wash Your Face (read TGC's review), debuted last year and has been ranked #1 in Personal Growth and Christianity, as well as Women's Christian Living, on Amazon for months and months. In her latest book, Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals, Hollis has gained ...

  6. Girl, Wash Your Face / Girl, Stop Apologizing

    January 1, 2021. Girl, Wash Your Face is a refreshing, enlightening read about women power, stripped bare with layers of lies, clothed anew with life's sunshine. Rachel Hollis' brutal honesty speaks volumes about how the potential power of women to rise and be the person they aspire to become are overshadowed by varying degrees of lies--put up ...

  7. Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

    Girl, Stop Apologizing is a step-by-step guide to living Hollis' version of "your best life.". The book is broken into three sections - excuses to stop making, behaviors to adopt, and skills to acquire. Hollis urges women to embrace and accept themselves without apology in a no-holds barred challenge to her readers and fans.

  8. Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving

    Girl, Stop Apologizing is worth reading. I learned that the tools for living my best life possible are right before me, and always within reach. Well done! I highly recommend! *I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of Girl, Stop Apologizing from the publisher. I was not obligated to post a review. The opinion stated is my own.

  9. Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving

    Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals: Hollis, Rachel: 9781400209606: ... Book reviews & recommendations: IMDb Movies, TV & Celebrities: Amazon Photos Unlimited Photo Storage Free With Prime: Shopbop Designer Fashion Brands: Warehouse Deals Open-Box

  10. BOOK REVIEW: Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

    In Girl, Stop Apologizing, #1 New York Times bestselling author and founder of a multimillion-dollar media company Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what ...

  11. My Book Review: "Girl, Stop Apologizing" by Rachel Hollis

    A lot of Christian circles have mixed feelings about Rachel Hollis as a Christian speaker, but if you've read her previous book, " Girl, Wash Your Face ", you get a glimpse into her background and the reason she has such a strong message of self-confidence. Her childhood consisted of a lot of anger and trauma as a result of her brother ...

  12. Girl, Stop Apologizing

    Spread the loveGirl, Stop Apologizing: A shame-free plan for embracing and achieving your goals by Rachel Hollis Stars: ***** Harper Collins (2019) Self-Help/Motivational & Inspirational 240 pages Disclosure: I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. This post contains affiliate links. Summary: Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: women not… Read More »

  13. Girl, Stop Apologizing

    Reviews 'Girl, Stop Apologizing is an unflinchingly relatable manifesto that is as unapologetic as it gets. Each chapter is an espresso shot that kickstarts your 'can-do-itude' and challenges you to reach further and higher to achieve your goals.' ... 'Rarely does a follow-up book surpass the first, yet in Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel blows ...

  14. Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving

    Girl, Stop Apologizing is a true masterpiece that combines heartfelt inspiration with the perfect mix of tools and a framework that can allow you to effectively adopt new behaviors and skills in your life that create real and lasting change.' --Dean Graziosi, New York Times bestselling author, entrepreneur, and investor--This text refers to an ...

  15. Book Reviews: Girl, Stop Apologizing, by Rachel Hollis ...

    Rachel Hollis | 4.28 | 47,075 ratings and reviews Ranked #41 in St. Paul , Ranked #86 in Motivational — see more rankings . Rachel Hollis, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Girl, Wash Your Face and host of the top-rated Rise podcast, urges women to stop apologizing for their desires, hopes, and dreams and instead to go after them with ...

  16. Girl Stop Apologizing: An Honest Review

    Girl Stop Apologizing Girl Stop Apologizing, An Honest Review. First, hear me out! I love Rachel Hollis. She is funny, motivated and seems like a genuinely nice person. And I finished this book quite awhile ago, but it took me a while to do the review. You will understand why, as we go along!

  17. Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving

    Rachel Hollis, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Girl, Wash Your Face and host of the top-rated Rise podcast, urges women to stop apologizing for their desires, hopes, and dreams and instead to go after them with passion and confidence.. Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: women being afraid of their own goals. They're afraid of embarrassment, of falling short of perfection, of not ...

  18. "Girl, Stop Apologizing" Review

    Before You Begin… When you search for "Girl, Stop Apologizing" on Google, one of the other suggested searches (meaning it has been searched a LOT) is "Girl, Stop Apologizing Christian Review." 😂 Apparently what the people want is a review of "Girl, Stop Apologizing" from a Christian perspective.. You can consider this my "Girl, Stop Apologizing" Christian Review below 🙂

  19. Girl Stop Apologizing

    Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis Published by: Harper Collins Leadership Publish Date: 2019 Genre(s): Nonfiction, Self Help, Contemporary, Christian HB&W Rating: 4 View on Goodreads Buy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository. Synopsis "I believe we can change the world. But first, we've got to stop living in fear of being judged ...

  20. Book Review: Girl, Stop Apologizing

    I just finished reading Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis. As an empty calorie style self-help book, it wasn't the worst. As a God-centered character development book, it had a huge amount of questionable content. For a much more wholesome review, I suggest reading this one from The Gospel Coalition.

  21. Book notes: Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

    Author yolocruz Posted on May 28, 2020 August 7, 2020 Categories Book Reviews Tags analysis, book notes, book review, book summary, chapter summary, cliff notes, Girl Stop Apologizing, highlights, key ideas, main ideas, personal development, Rachel Hollis, self help, self improvement, sparknotes

  22. Girl, Stop Apologizing Summary

    March 16, 2020 Luke Rowley Career, Happiness, Motivation & Inspiration, Productivity, Psychology, Self Improvement, Success. 1-Sentence-Summary: Girl, Stop Apologizing is an inspirational book for women everywhere to start living up to their potential and stop apologizing for following their dreams. Read in: 4 minutes.

  23. Girl, Stop Apologizing

    Girl, Stop Apologizing : A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals [Paperback, 2019] [Rachel Hollis] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Girl, Stop Apologizing : A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals [Paperback, 2019] ... Book review: Girl, Stop Apologizing. Aussie Adrian ☑️ . Videos for ...